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Dying and Living: Musings Of An Intensive Care Physician
You are in the hospital and have just been transferred to the intensive care unit. The night shift doctor shuffles to the bedside and states the obvious that you are “really sick”. He acknowledges the “No CPR” on the Advanced Directive and then offers, “What about being placed on a life support machine? Would you want that?” He pauses, stares, and awaits an answer. Dr. Haake takes you into the trenches of the intensive care unit where impossible decisions are mandated. A crystal ball does not exist that predicts the circumstances of the last minutes of your life where critical decisions are made. Establishing your wishes in the last two minutes of your life is less than ideal. Dr. Haake presents a sick and dying continuum that actually evolves over months and years to an end-of-life plan. The process of a good death quite naturally flows from a robust and dynamic plan for living which is presented in his book
- GenresBook Club
266 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 11, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
December 2, 2022
I really enjoyed this book. It took me a few days to devour it. Ron is an extended family member on my mother’s side, and his wife Shirley is my second cousin, so Lolita was my great-aunt. I thoroughly enjoyed the family stories, many of which I have not heard before. I enjoyed reading about his experiences in the hospitals. Those stories just melt my heart! But what I love is how his thoughts on medicine have changed in the last 35 years and dealing with life and death with care and compassion. There were so many great things in this book, that the reader just needs to read for himself.
July 29, 2026
'Dying and Living' by Ron Haake is not the kind of book you pick up for a light afternoon read, and that is exactly the point. The author will take you somewhere uncomfortable and make you sit with them while they ask you to think about death. But instead of leaving you feeling worse than before (as many books on this topic do), what I felt was hope after reading her book. That is no small thing.
What makes this book different from other books that tackle similar subjects is that Haake is not writing from a distance. He has been an intensive care physician watching families fall apart in hospital corridors while making impossible decisions. He has also personally gone through cancer treatment, the nausea, the pain, all of it. So when he talks about what dying looks like up close, you believe him completely.
The book is split into two parts, Dying and Living, and both earn their place. The first part walks you through his family history, war stories, and some genuinely difficult questions about what medicine is actually doing when it keeps a person technically alive while their quality of life disappears. The question Haake keeps coming back to is a simple one that nobody wants to answer. Is prolonging life always the same as doing good?
I found myself putting the book down more than once just to sit with that. Even asking myself why we are so adamant about prolonging life when there is no life in a body.
The second part is where it shifts. Stories like Rekha, who made every single day count right up until the end, and John Bradley, the Vietnam War hero, give you this quiet sense of what a well-lived life actually looks like. The basketball coach Rick Pinto's story hit me in a way I was not expecting at all.
This book changed something in how I think about both living and dying, especially since I am in my thirties and this hit me. The author writes with the kind of warmth and compassion you wish more doctors carried into the room with them. How he realizes near the end of the book that he needs the compassion of his work back was inspiring.
The editing needs a bit of work (minor), but the structure of the book is smooth. Yes, the author did dive into religious aspects, but it just adds a new flavour to the book.
I will give this book 4 out of 5 stars, only and only because the editing needs another pass. Rest the book is great.
I would recommend this book to everyone. Especially people who just need to be reminded what it feels like to stop and reflect on everything they have been living for. Read it slowly, read it more than once, and let it sit with you.
What makes this book different from other books that tackle similar subjects is that Haake is not writing from a distance. He has been an intensive care physician watching families fall apart in hospital corridors while making impossible decisions. He has also personally gone through cancer treatment, the nausea, the pain, all of it. So when he talks about what dying looks like up close, you believe him completely.
The book is split into two parts, Dying and Living, and both earn their place. The first part walks you through his family history, war stories, and some genuinely difficult questions about what medicine is actually doing when it keeps a person technically alive while their quality of life disappears. The question Haake keeps coming back to is a simple one that nobody wants to answer. Is prolonging life always the same as doing good?
I found myself putting the book down more than once just to sit with that. Even asking myself why we are so adamant about prolonging life when there is no life in a body.
The second part is where it shifts. Stories like Rekha, who made every single day count right up until the end, and John Bradley, the Vietnam War hero, give you this quiet sense of what a well-lived life actually looks like. The basketball coach Rick Pinto's story hit me in a way I was not expecting at all.
This book changed something in how I think about both living and dying, especially since I am in my thirties and this hit me. The author writes with the kind of warmth and compassion you wish more doctors carried into the room with them. How he realizes near the end of the book that he needs the compassion of his work back was inspiring.
The editing needs a bit of work (minor), but the structure of the book is smooth. Yes, the author did dive into religious aspects, but it just adds a new flavour to the book.
I will give this book 4 out of 5 stars, only and only because the editing needs another pass. Rest the book is great.
I would recommend this book to everyone. Especially people who just need to be reminded what it feels like to stop and reflect on everything they have been living for. Read it slowly, read it more than once, and let it sit with you.
September 25, 2026
**Review of "Dying and Living" by Ron Haake**
This is a genuinely thoughtful, deeply personal book, and honestly, one of the more emotionally weighty reads I've reviewed. Dr. Ron Haake spent decades as an intensive care physician, and this memoir is his attempt to make sense of everything he witnessed at the bedside, filtered through his own brush with cancer, the loss of his mother, and a lifetime of watching families struggle with end-of-life decisions. It's part medical memoir, part philosophical reflection, and part personal history, and somehow it manages to weave all three together without feeling scattered.
What struck me most was how candid Haake is about the failures of modern medicine around death. His chapters on "dignity" and on how patient autonomy, while well-intentioned, often leaves grieving families making impossible decisions in the middle of the night with no real guidance, were some of the most affecting parts of the book. He doesn't offer easy answers, which I appreciated. Instead, he sits with the discomfort of what he's seen and invites the reader to sit with it too.
The family history chapters early on, tracing his grandfather's death from pneumonia in 1938 through generations of his family's experiences with dying, ground the more philosophical later chapters in something real and lived-in. And his own cancer diagnosis and treatment, told with the same clinical precision he'd bring to a patient chart but laced with genuine fear, is some of the most vulnerable writing in the book.
Where it lost me slightly was in the middle stretch, where Haake pivots into extended reflections on ancient history, travel, and philosophy (there's a fairly long detour through Greek mathematics and Constantinople) that, while interesting on their own, felt disconnected from the book's emotional core. I found myself wanting to get back to the bedside stories, which are where his voice is strongest and most authentic.
The final chapters, particularly the epilogue about his own mother's decline, bring the book full circle in a way that's genuinely moving. Haake isn't trying to give readers a tidy philosophy of death; he's offering the hard-won, sometimes contradictory conclusions of someone who has spent a career standing at the edge of it.
This is a book best suited for readers who want an honest, unsentimental look at mortality from someone who has seen it up close, more than those looking for comfort or easy answers. Recommended, especially for anyone in medicine or caregiving. 4 out of 5 stars.
This is a genuinely thoughtful, deeply personal book, and honestly, one of the more emotionally weighty reads I've reviewed. Dr. Ron Haake spent decades as an intensive care physician, and this memoir is his attempt to make sense of everything he witnessed at the bedside, filtered through his own brush with cancer, the loss of his mother, and a lifetime of watching families struggle with end-of-life decisions. It's part medical memoir, part philosophical reflection, and part personal history, and somehow it manages to weave all three together without feeling scattered.
What struck me most was how candid Haake is about the failures of modern medicine around death. His chapters on "dignity" and on how patient autonomy, while well-intentioned, often leaves grieving families making impossible decisions in the middle of the night with no real guidance, were some of the most affecting parts of the book. He doesn't offer easy answers, which I appreciated. Instead, he sits with the discomfort of what he's seen and invites the reader to sit with it too.
The family history chapters early on, tracing his grandfather's death from pneumonia in 1938 through generations of his family's experiences with dying, ground the more philosophical later chapters in something real and lived-in. And his own cancer diagnosis and treatment, told with the same clinical precision he'd bring to a patient chart but laced with genuine fear, is some of the most vulnerable writing in the book.
Where it lost me slightly was in the middle stretch, where Haake pivots into extended reflections on ancient history, travel, and philosophy (there's a fairly long detour through Greek mathematics and Constantinople) that, while interesting on their own, felt disconnected from the book's emotional core. I found myself wanting to get back to the bedside stories, which are where his voice is strongest and most authentic.
The final chapters, particularly the epilogue about his own mother's decline, bring the book full circle in a way that's genuinely moving. Haake isn't trying to give readers a tidy philosophy of death; he's offering the hard-won, sometimes contradictory conclusions of someone who has spent a career standing at the edge of it.
This is a book best suited for readers who want an honest, unsentimental look at mortality from someone who has seen it up close, more than those looking for comfort or easy answers. Recommended, especially for anyone in medicine or caregiving. 4 out of 5 stars.
July 11, 2026
Dying and Living by Ron Haake – Review
Dying and Living by Ron Haake is one of those books that stays with you long after you finish reading it. Instead of focusing only on medicine, the author shares what it means to care for people during the most difficult moments of their lives. As an intensive care physician, Haake combines real experiences with thoughtful reflections about suffering, hope, family, and compassion.
One of the things I appreciated most was how honest the book feels. The stories are emotional without becoming overly dramatic, and every chapter offers something meaningful to think about. I especially enjoyed the chapters on Legacy, Meaning, and Virtue, because they show that kindness, dignity, and moral courage often matter more than medical success alone.
The writing is clear and easy to follow, making complex medical situations understandable even for readers without a healthcare background. Rather than presenting simple answers, the author encourages readers to reflect on difficult questions about life, death, and the choices people make.
This book is not only for doctors or nurses. Anyone who has cared for a loved one, experienced loss, or wondered what gives life meaning can connect with its message. It reminds us that compassion is just as important as knowledge.
Overall, Dying and Living is a thoughtful, moving, and inspiring book. It made me think deeply about humanity, relationships, and the importance of treating every person with respect and dignity. I would gladly recommend it to readers who enjoy reflective nonfiction and true stories that leave a lasting impact.
Rating: 5/5
Dying and Living by Ron Haake is one of those books that stays with you long after you finish reading it. Instead of focusing only on medicine, the author shares what it means to care for people during the most difficult moments of their lives. As an intensive care physician, Haake combines real experiences with thoughtful reflections about suffering, hope, family, and compassion.
One of the things I appreciated most was how honest the book feels. The stories are emotional without becoming overly dramatic, and every chapter offers something meaningful to think about. I especially enjoyed the chapters on Legacy, Meaning, and Virtue, because they show that kindness, dignity, and moral courage often matter more than medical success alone.
The writing is clear and easy to follow, making complex medical situations understandable even for readers without a healthcare background. Rather than presenting simple answers, the author encourages readers to reflect on difficult questions about life, death, and the choices people make.
This book is not only for doctors or nurses. Anyone who has cared for a loved one, experienced loss, or wondered what gives life meaning can connect with its message. It reminds us that compassion is just as important as knowledge.
Overall, Dying and Living is a thoughtful, moving, and inspiring book. It made me think deeply about humanity, relationships, and the importance of treating every person with respect and dignity. I would gladly recommend it to readers who enjoy reflective nonfiction and true stories that leave a lasting impact.
Rating: 5/5
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 4, 2026
Deals with anything and everything related to dying and living. The first part - dying - was a bit of a drag. Reading in details about cancer was not nice. However the second part - living - was pretty good and explains how one should live their lives to the fullest. Among other things.
People in the medical profession may absolutely love it.
People in the medical profession may absolutely love it.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews