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Dortmunder #9
What's The Worst That Could Happen?
Dortmunder is in the midst of a routine burglary of a Long Island mansion when who shows up toting a gun but the owner, nasty billionaire Max Fairbanks. Worse, Fairbanks takes Dortmunder's supposedly lucky ring. Highly insulted, Dortmunder and his gang execute their own peculiar reign of terror, and although they acquire quite a bit of Fairbanks' swag, they never quite get the ring back. Which leads Dortmunder to wonder precisely what sort of luck the ring carries.
336 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
About the author
Donald E. Westlake
390 books998 followersDonald E. Westlake (1933-2008) was one of the most prolific and talented authors of American crime fiction. He began his career in the late 1950's, churning out novels for pulp houses—often writing as many as four novels a year under various pseudonyms such as Richard Stark—but soon began publishing under his own name. His most well-known characters were John Dortmunder, an unlucky thief, and Parker, a ruthless criminal. His writing earned him three Edgar Awards: the 1968 Best Novel award for God Save the Mark; the 1990 Best Short Story award for "Too Many Crooks"; and the 1991 Best Motion Picture Screenplay award for The Grifters. In addition, Westlake also earned a Grand Master Award from the Mystery Writers of America in 1993.
Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.
Some of the pseudonyms he used include
• Richard Stark
• Timothy J. Culver
• Tucker Coe
• Curt Clark
• J. Morgan Cunningham
• Judson Jack Carmichael
• D.E. Westlake
• Donald I. Vestlejk
• Don Westlake
Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.
Some of the pseudonyms he used include
• Richard Stark
• Timothy J. Culver
• Tucker Coe
• Curt Clark
• J. Morgan Cunningham
• Judson Jack Carmichael
• D.E. Westlake
• Donald I. Vestlejk
• Don Westlake
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews
March 8, 2016
This is either the 2nd or 3rd time I've read this book, 9th in the Dortmunder series. It was the very first book of the series I ever read, years ago, and remains one of my all time favorites. When the hapless thief John Dortmunder is caught by a rich guy while burglarizing one of said wealthy jerk about the world Max Fairbank's many corporate houses, Dortmunder is prepared to meekly accept the consequences. That is, until Max forces Dortmunder to hand over a ring he is wearing (a gift from his loyal companion May) in effect stealing from the thief, as the police haul Dortmunder away. The enraged and embarrassed Dortmunder then decides to stop at nothing until he gets the ring back. After he escapes from a moving police car, the fun begins.
This isn't a typical Dortmunder novel in some ways, as the caper in this one eventually involves many of the characters from previous novels in the series, so in some ways it's a reunion novel of sorts. I actually think it's a pretty good intro to the series even though it's no. 9.
The villain, the aforementioned Max Fairbanks is one of the more easy to dislike guys in the series, and I noted that I enjoyed it whenever anything bad happened to him. Schadenfreude much, anyone?
At any rate, an enjoyable book by one of the greatest of the crime fiction writers. If you've never read anything by Donald Westlake or his pseudonym Richard Stark, then I highly recommend him and his works.
This isn't a typical Dortmunder novel in some ways, as the caper in this one eventually involves many of the characters from previous novels in the series, so in some ways it's a reunion novel of sorts. I actually think it's a pretty good intro to the series even though it's no. 9.
The villain, the aforementioned Max Fairbanks is one of the more easy to dislike guys in the series, and I noted that I enjoyed it whenever anything bad happened to him. Schadenfreude much, anyone?
At any rate, an enjoyable book by one of the greatest of the crime fiction writers. If you've never read anything by Donald Westlake or his pseudonym Richard Stark, then I highly recommend him and his works.
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July 13, 2017Supposing you like caper novels, you have your favorite. Everyone I've every talked to who likes caper stories has their particular favorite, the perfect caper story.
This one is mine.
I've read most of Westlake's work, and I much prefer the comedy; there's one other I enjoy enough to reread, and I'll review it when I reread it next.
This one has all the elements I enjoy. It starts off with sad sack John Dortmunder being given a ring by his friend May, then embarking with a friend on a spot of burglary at an upscale house that is supposed to be empty. Except that the owner, the nasty billionaire Max Fairbanks, is there--pulls a gun on Dortmunder--and when the police come, steals the ring off Dortmunder's hand.
The rest of the novel is Dortmunder's attempts to get it back. The thing is, I loathe humiliation fiction, and Dortmunder is only humiliated the once. (He gets a lot more kicks when he's down in other novels). Each attempt to get the ring requires bringing in more of his alt-honest friends, all colorful characters, with a lightly handled romance woven deftly through.
The thieves do very well for themselves (against a thoroughly rotten and deserving victim), ending in a cinematic and rousing climax. There is no bloodshed. There is plenty of wit. And the bad guy gets what's coming to him.
It's one of my comfort reads.
This one is mine.
I've read most of Westlake's work, and I much prefer the comedy; there's one other I enjoy enough to reread, and I'll review it when I reread it next.
This one has all the elements I enjoy. It starts off with sad sack John Dortmunder being given a ring by his friend May, then embarking with a friend on a spot of burglary at an upscale house that is supposed to be empty. Except that the owner, the nasty billionaire Max Fairbanks, is there--pulls a gun on Dortmunder--and when the police come, steals the ring off Dortmunder's hand.
The rest of the novel is Dortmunder's attempts to get it back. The thing is, I loathe humiliation fiction, and Dortmunder is only humiliated the once. (He gets a lot more kicks when he's down in other novels). Each attempt to get the ring requires bringing in more of his alt-honest friends, all colorful characters, with a lightly handled romance woven deftly through.
The thieves do very well for themselves (against a thoroughly rotten and deserving victim), ending in a cinematic and rousing climax. There is no bloodshed. There is plenty of wit. And the bad guy gets what's coming to him.
It's one of my comfort reads.
September 8, 2010
Ok, this is another re-read for me, but if you want to bring the new year in right, the best way to guarantee your state of mind is the read stuff you KNOW you enjoy. This is by far the best Dortmunder book Westlake has written to date, and any book that can seemlessly include a 'little second-rate burglary at the Watergate' in its plotline must have been developed by an evil comic genius. 'Nuff said.
March 1, 2015
Dortmunder is another fine creation of Donald Westlake. He occasionally appears in the Parker stories, but this one is devoted to Dortmunder himself. Things always seem to go wrong and the beginning is no exception. They attempt to burgle a house on Long Island that’s supposed to be empty but it’s a house being used as a trysting place for Fairbanks (pun perhaps?) a thieving executive millionaire and his mistress. He calls the cops and then has the temerity to steal a “lucky” ring off Dortmunder’s finger before he gets hauled off to jail. Dortmunder escapes the police car (a humorous event in itself) and vows to get the ring back and make the guy sorry for his humiliation.
The plot then revolves around Dortmunders extraordinary capers to get the ring back. And in the process, they decide to rob a Las Vegas casino. After conducting a little third-rate burglary at the Watergate. A little third-rate burglary at the Watergate?” Andy said, “I already tried that on him, and it didn’t work. John isn’t much of a history buff.”... Herman paused to take a roll of duct tape from inside his tuxedo jacket, tear off a length, and attach it to the edge of the door over the striker to keep it from locking. Spies, political agents, and other amateurs put such tape on a door horizontally, so that it shows on both front and back, and can be noticed by a passing security person. (There is a risk here that anyone under the age of forty will not get this reference at all.)
What makes these books are the little side comments Westlake throws in a social criticism. For example: “On the TV, people covered with blood were being carried to ambulances. Wherever it was, it looked like a real mess. Then, as Dortmunder watched, the people and the ambulances faded away and some candy bars began to dance.” and “The thing is,” Andy explained, “when I feel I need a car, good transportation, something very special, I look for a vehicle with MD plates. This is one place where you can trust doctors. They understand discomfort, and they understand comfort, and they got the money to back up their opinions.”
The plot then revolves around Dortmunders extraordinary capers to get the ring back. And in the process, they decide to rob a Las Vegas casino. After conducting a little third-rate burglary at the Watergate. A little third-rate burglary at the Watergate?” Andy said, “I already tried that on him, and it didn’t work. John isn’t much of a history buff.”... Herman paused to take a roll of duct tape from inside his tuxedo jacket, tear off a length, and attach it to the edge of the door over the striker to keep it from locking. Spies, political agents, and other amateurs put such tape on a door horizontally, so that it shows on both front and back, and can be noticed by a passing security person. (There is a risk here that anyone under the age of forty will not get this reference at all.)
What makes these books are the little side comments Westlake throws in a social criticism. For example: “On the TV, people covered with blood were being carried to ambulances. Wherever it was, it looked like a real mess. Then, as Dortmunder watched, the people and the ambulances faded away and some candy bars began to dance.” and “The thing is,” Andy explained, “when I feel I need a car, good transportation, something very special, I look for a vehicle with MD plates. This is one place where you can trust doctors. They understand discomfort, and they understand comfort, and they got the money to back up their opinions.”
October 23, 2017
If you've never encountered John Dortmunder and you feel a need to cheer up, immerse yourself in the series of fourteen books about the dubious criminal career of this marvelous character. These stories are among the more than one hundred novels and nonfiction books Donald E. Westlake wrote in a career spanning fifty years. What's the Worst That Could Happen? is the ninth caper novel in the Dortmunder series. It may be one of the best.
John Dortmunder is "a slope-shouldered defeated-looking fellow in dark clothing and thinning hair, who had an air of such dejection and collapse there seemed no need to point anything at him more threatening than a banana." He is a New Yorker, a professional burglar with a supportive live-in girlfriend named May and a large circle of criminal friends with a variety of useful skills. Dortmunder "picks things up when people aren't looking" simply to support himself and May. "All of finance was too much for him. His understanding of economics was, you go out and steal money and use it to buy food. Alternatively, you steal the food. Beyond that, it got too complex."
The inner circle of Dortmunder's fraternity includes Andy Kelp (information maven), Stan Murch (getaway driver), and Tiny Bulger, "the mountain shaped something like a man" (intimidating presence).
Here, for example, is Tiny speaking to Stan. "I want to thank you. This is a roomy car. I'm not used to roomy in a car. I remember one time I had to make a couple people ride on the roof, I got so cramped in the car."
"How'd they like that?" Stan asked.
"I never asked them," Tiny said.
From time to time, whenever Dortmunder has an inspired idea, or simply feels the need to make money, they get together in the back room of the O. J. Bar & Grill on Amsterdam Avenue to plot their next caper. Sometimes Dortmunder sits in the front room, entertained by the spectacularly ignorant dialogue of the regulars who hang out at the bar. Here's one example of that witty repartée: "[D]own at the other end of the bar the regulars had segued in a natural progression into consideration of cold cures. At the moment, they were trying to decide if the honey was supposed to be spread on the body or injected into a vein."
In What's the Worst That Could Happen?, Dortmunder and Gus Brock ("a longtime associate in this and that") travel to the south shore of Long Island to burgle the second (or third or fourth) home of a billionaire named Max Fairbanks. Fairbanks has declared bankruptcy, and the judge has declared his Long Island home off-limits to him, so Dortmunder and Gus enter without worry. Unfortunately, Max has chosen that night to take his current mistress, Miss September, for fun and frolic at that very house. When Dortmunder heads upstairs to retrieve pillow cases to carry all the loot, he meets Max on the stairway, holding a pistol. Gus escapes, but Dortmunder is left to be arrested by the local police. Then Max makes a very big mistake.
As Dortmunder is handcuffed and held by the two cops, Max announces that the ring Dortmunder is wearing is, in fact, his—and takes it off his finger. This ring was a gift from May, and losing it infuriates Dortmunder. In fact, he is so angry that, after escaping from the police, he single-mindedly sets out to get even with Max—and get the ring back. Thus ensues a series of ever-more-ambitious burglaries ultimately involving two dozen of Dortmunder's friends and acquaintances in a spectacular heist in Las Vegas.
Will Dortmunder get the ring back? What do you think?
John Dortmunder is "a slope-shouldered defeated-looking fellow in dark clothing and thinning hair, who had an air of such dejection and collapse there seemed no need to point anything at him more threatening than a banana." He is a New Yorker, a professional burglar with a supportive live-in girlfriend named May and a large circle of criminal friends with a variety of useful skills. Dortmunder "picks things up when people aren't looking" simply to support himself and May. "All of finance was too much for him. His understanding of economics was, you go out and steal money and use it to buy food. Alternatively, you steal the food. Beyond that, it got too complex."
The inner circle of Dortmunder's fraternity includes Andy Kelp (information maven), Stan Murch (getaway driver), and Tiny Bulger, "the mountain shaped something like a man" (intimidating presence).
Here, for example, is Tiny speaking to Stan. "I want to thank you. This is a roomy car. I'm not used to roomy in a car. I remember one time I had to make a couple people ride on the roof, I got so cramped in the car."
"How'd they like that?" Stan asked.
"I never asked them," Tiny said.
From time to time, whenever Dortmunder has an inspired idea, or simply feels the need to make money, they get together in the back room of the O. J. Bar & Grill on Amsterdam Avenue to plot their next caper. Sometimes Dortmunder sits in the front room, entertained by the spectacularly ignorant dialogue of the regulars who hang out at the bar. Here's one example of that witty repartée: "[D]own at the other end of the bar the regulars had segued in a natural progression into consideration of cold cures. At the moment, they were trying to decide if the honey was supposed to be spread on the body or injected into a vein."
In What's the Worst That Could Happen?, Dortmunder and Gus Brock ("a longtime associate in this and that") travel to the south shore of Long Island to burgle the second (or third or fourth) home of a billionaire named Max Fairbanks. Fairbanks has declared bankruptcy, and the judge has declared his Long Island home off-limits to him, so Dortmunder and Gus enter without worry. Unfortunately, Max has chosen that night to take his current mistress, Miss September, for fun and frolic at that very house. When Dortmunder heads upstairs to retrieve pillow cases to carry all the loot, he meets Max on the stairway, holding a pistol. Gus escapes, but Dortmunder is left to be arrested by the local police. Then Max makes a very big mistake.
As Dortmunder is handcuffed and held by the two cops, Max announces that the ring Dortmunder is wearing is, in fact, his—and takes it off his finger. This ring was a gift from May, and losing it infuriates Dortmunder. In fact, he is so angry that, after escaping from the police, he single-mindedly sets out to get even with Max—and get the ring back. Thus ensues a series of ever-more-ambitious burglaries ultimately involving two dozen of Dortmunder's friends and acquaintances in a spectacular heist in Las Vegas.
Will Dortmunder get the ring back? What do you think?
April 4, 2013
Like many before it, I was inclined to try the “Dortmunder” series by reading Dan’s comments about it. (At least I got that part right.) For some reason, when I went to order a couple of the books, the newest electronic catalog software presented me with only a subset of all of the novels.
(Aside - This is the same software that has claimed the advance interface search string is too long not matter how many characters are in it since Day 1. My attempts to alert the staff librarians to this issue and have the developers correct it have gone unheeded. But now, I know that the search retrieval function is also hosed.)
That’s the long way of saying that I meant to begin at the beginning, but began here, instead. In fact it wasn’t until I looked at the dust jacket blah-woof that I saw a reference to a prior novel. Arrgh! But enough whining about other people’s buggy software.
There’s a lot to like about this book (and I’m cheating here since I’ve read another by now) and series. Previously I had only read Mr. Westlake’s words in his Richard Stark persona and, as anyone would attest, Parker is a very different beast. (Another thank you to Dan for my intro to the Parker series.)
Sure they are both crooks and neither has any interest in doing an “honest job”. They know how to pull off heists and that is what they do. (Stay with what you know, right?) If you’ve read Parker you’ll know that he is the most obsessive, detail-driven Type “A” going but John Dortmunder seems to be almost the complete opposite.
He’s described in very unflattering terms; from his general demeanor to his way of talking and looking. He comes off as a type of simpleton in parts of the text, but in fact he is not. While it does not show very often, Mr. Dortmunder is hiding a very bright light under his particular bushel.
This is reflected (pun intended) by how it is he who works out the plans for the heist(s). How it is he who accepts or passes on who will be in the caper (or, if it is another’s caper whether he will join in). While reading this book I thought of him as the tortoise: slow and steady wins the race. And that’s how it unfolds. This book is all about the consequences that follow after a person steals a ring from Dortmunder after apprehending him while trying to rob a vacation home. I won’t go into any further details about the plot or characters, but if you consider how the plagues that were visited upon the Egyptians achieved the desired effect, then you have an idea of the magnitude of the retribution.
What’s the Worst That Could Happen? Is not just the perfect title, it is a great tale of comeuppance. I especially liked the finishing caper. I know that I meant to begin with the first book, but if I had to choose a book to be wrong with, then this would be it.
I give this a solid Four (4) Stars. It has good writing, twisted humor (the best of course), and the thief that kept going and going and going. If this book is any indication of the Author’s non-Parker writings, then I agree with the “master of comic mystery” approbation I saw on some flyleaf.
(Aside - This is the same software that has claimed the advance interface search string is too long not matter how many characters are in it since Day 1. My attempts to alert the staff librarians to this issue and have the developers correct it have gone unheeded. But now, I know that the search retrieval function is also hosed.)
That’s the long way of saying that I meant to begin at the beginning, but began here, instead. In fact it wasn’t until I looked at the dust jacket blah-woof that I saw a reference to a prior novel. Arrgh! But enough whining about other people’s buggy software.
There’s a lot to like about this book (and I’m cheating here since I’ve read another by now) and series. Previously I had only read Mr. Westlake’s words in his Richard Stark persona and, as anyone would attest, Parker is a very different beast. (Another thank you to Dan for my intro to the Parker series.)
Sure they are both crooks and neither has any interest in doing an “honest job”. They know how to pull off heists and that is what they do. (Stay with what you know, right?) If you’ve read Parker you’ll know that he is the most obsessive, detail-driven Type “A” going but John Dortmunder seems to be almost the complete opposite.
He’s described in very unflattering terms; from his general demeanor to his way of talking and looking. He comes off as a type of simpleton in parts of the text, but in fact he is not. While it does not show very often, Mr. Dortmunder is hiding a very bright light under his particular bushel.
This is reflected (pun intended) by how it is he who works out the plans for the heist(s). How it is he who accepts or passes on who will be in the caper (or, if it is another’s caper whether he will join in). While reading this book I thought of him as the tortoise: slow and steady wins the race. And that’s how it unfolds. This book is all about the consequences that follow after a person steals a ring from Dortmunder after apprehending him while trying to rob a vacation home. I won’t go into any further details about the plot or characters, but if you consider how the plagues that were visited upon the Egyptians achieved the desired effect, then you have an idea of the magnitude of the retribution.
What’s the Worst That Could Happen? Is not just the perfect title, it is a great tale of comeuppance. I especially liked the finishing caper. I know that I meant to begin with the first book, but if I had to choose a book to be wrong with, then this would be it.
I give this a solid Four (4) Stars. It has good writing, twisted humor (the best of course), and the thief that kept going and going and going. If this book is any indication of the Author’s non-Parker writings, then I agree with the “master of comic mystery” approbation I saw on some flyleaf.
January 17, 2014
I quite dislike the title of this Dortmunder novel, a question that gets asked several times over the course of the book as if it is a clever refrain: What’s the worst that could happen? The question is ultimately empty, a reference to the sad-sack but light-hearted world of Dortmunder in which the worst never happens. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, I don’t know, maybe a burglary goes horribly wrong and Dortmunder takes a bullet to the head? Refrains aside, however, this is a good Dortmunder novel. Its premise is clever without being over-the-top or silly (by Dortmunder standards), and Dortmunder’s character grows more complex. Just as Donald E. Westlake complicated Parker’s character by making him slightly more human in the later Parker novels, Dortmunder becomes more three-dimensional by evincing a surprising sense of pride for a man who would seem to have little to feel proud about. After all, many, many bad things do happen to him. Just not the worst things.
March 21, 2009
A fun and wacky read. Another "beach book" to keep you laughing with all the crazy antics of a group of crooks and their shady pals. Westlake keeps the plot moving in so many twists and starts that I finished feeling like I'd been running like a crazy person. Whew! A totally delightful escapist read about people I would never want to know.
March 24, 2026
Love love loved this, my favorite since Bank Shot, but I want to register that I only accept praise for this book from those who read and adored the books which came before. True Dortmundians like myself appreciate him equally at his most loserish as his most winnerish.
April 24, 2009
It was a real struggle for me to purchase this book: I was that put off by the pictures of Martin Lawrence and Danny DeVito on the cover. But what could I do? I needed to read a Dortmunder, and this was the only one I could get my hands on. Needless to say, I thoroughy enjoyed it: it's a Dortmunder, after all. Still, it was a struggle.
I am not filing this under my "cinerelated" books, since there's absolutely no chance in hell that I will ever see the movie version. A queasy fascination did cause me to "imdb" the film, where I was slightly, and somewhat irrationally, relieved to see that DeVito plays the Max Fairbanks character, and not Dortmunder. Nobody is listed in the role of "Dortmunder", so I can only assume that Martin Lawrence plays a "Dortmunder-ish" character. Frankly, I can't imagine it. It has made me ponder the idea of casting Dortmunder, and I can only envision three (and a half) possibilities: Perfect Casting would be Alfred Molina, Possible Casting (if he can act New York) would be Timothy Spall, and a Bit of a Stretch would be Paul Giamatti, if he could bank down some of his twitches and ideosyncracies. The half would be De Niro, who would play the part to perfection but wouldn't be able to squeeze it in amongst the eight to ten crappy blockbusters he acts in every year. There just aren't that many actors out there that can play a beefy, smart schlub.
I am not filing this under my "cinerelated" books, since there's absolutely no chance in hell that I will ever see the movie version. A queasy fascination did cause me to "imdb" the film, where I was slightly, and somewhat irrationally, relieved to see that DeVito plays the Max Fairbanks character, and not Dortmunder. Nobody is listed in the role of "Dortmunder", so I can only assume that Martin Lawrence plays a "Dortmunder-ish" character. Frankly, I can't imagine it. It has made me ponder the idea of casting Dortmunder, and I can only envision three (and a half) possibilities: Perfect Casting would be Alfred Molina, Possible Casting (if he can act New York) would be Timothy Spall, and a Bit of a Stretch would be Paul Giamatti, if he could bank down some of his twitches and ideosyncracies. The half would be De Niro, who would play the part to perfection but wouldn't be able to squeeze it in amongst the eight to ten crappy blockbusters he acts in every year. There just aren't that many actors out there that can play a beefy, smart schlub.
April 5, 2008
Godalmighty, did I love these books as a child. Hilarity abounds -- I still has the world's biggest soft spot for Stan, and every scene in the bar makes me laugh like a dying hyena (the regulars are comedy gold) and I want to cuddle Dortmunder (and May, dear lord, May), but it's pretty thin other than that. Which is fine! Sometimes, you don't want deep and important literature, and when that is the case, a Donald Westlake is never not a good choice.
January 14, 2009
The Dortmunder novels always remind me of P. G. Wodehouse novels, except with criminals instead of the landed gentry. Everyone is a damned bumbling fool, and everything is always taking a side trip through Calamity, but in the end the boy gets the girl, or in this case the crook gets the money.
I'm never quite sure if Westlake wrote the Dortmunder novels so that his readers could have fun reading them, or just so that he could have fun writing them, but it works for me either way.
I'm never quite sure if Westlake wrote the Dortmunder novels so that his readers could have fun reading them, or just so that he could have fun writing them, but it works for me either way.
August 17, 2021
As Covid slogged its way through my life I needed something to make me laugh. Donald Westlake achieved this with "What's the Worst that Could Happen?" I love Dortmunder, the sad-faced burglar. His crew are now my friends. This is a caper book and just what the doctor ordered for the weariness that the WORST virus has hammered us with.
September 14, 2019
Disappointing on several levels. The nemesis' digressions into mysticism completely takes one out of the story; Dortmunder belongs in NYC and it's environs, not traipsing across the country, and JD has never had such a resounding victory to conclude one of his escapades, and shouldn't have unless this was the final installment of the series (which it clearly is not).
February 26, 2022
I have to say this is one of the best of the bunch. Multiple heists, a truly nasty antagonist and (for once) a happy ending for Dortmunder. I'd gladly read this one again.
September 15, 2023
Another hilarious Dortmunder caper from the master. Westlake gives Our Hero four roberies to cover, each with great monetary reward, for once, but not without satisfaction. There's sharp social observation and great fun.
April 5, 2025
Gotta love Dortmunder capers!
November 6, 2019
Or, the one in which Dormunder wins, for once.
This book is amazing. There is no other word for it, especially after the horrorshow that was Drowned Hopes. To go from that (which I couldn't even finish, the first Dortumunder book I flat out DNFed less than halfway through) to this is...well, amazing.
Dortmunder's lady friend May inherits a gaudy, likely cheap, ring from her Uncle GG. Uncle GG considered it his good luck charm, so May offers it to Dortmunder, because he could use some good luck for a change. He puts it on - a perfect fit, naturally - and sets off for a job that night. He's supposed to be burgling an empty house, but when he gets there, the householder is home, and calls the police. Worse still, said householder, Max Fairbanks, claims that the ring actually belongs to him, and takes it right off Dortmunder's finger in front of the cops! Dortmunder is outraged, and vows to get his ring back.
Fairbanks is your basic cheese snack product with a healthy dose of narcissism and the kind of teflon coating that is usually only found on cookware. He's done a lot of despicable shit in his life and gotten away with almost all of it. Everybody knows he's a slimy jerk, but nobody can really do anything about it.
Until Dortmunder.
Dortmunder just wants his ring back, not because he believes its a good-luck charm, but because May gave it to him (aww). He escapes from the police and returns to the house, only to find Fairbanks gone. So he finishes the burglary job, cashes in his proceeds with his favorite fence, and vows to run Fairbanks to ground.
Dortmunder's schemes still fail, but they fail upwards. He pursues Fairbanks across the city, to Washington DC, and then eventually to Vegas. Each time he goes in and finds that Fairbanks is gone (or never arrived), he's angry. After Washington, he actually wails that all they got away with was $50,000! (Oh, Dortmunder - never change, my dude.)
Meanwhile, Fairbanks' luck has turned to utter tripe. From the second he took Dortmunder's ring, nothing has gone right for him, and but its all in such a glorious way that it looks like Fairbanks himself is behind all of the crimes that Dortmunder and his gang pull while they're in pursuit of the ring. The noose is getting tighter around his neck, and honestly it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
Dortmunder eventually beards Fairbanks in his den in Vegas, at a hotel property that Fairbanks owns. Fairbanks has set the trap, and Dortmunder goes in with a plan. Meanwhile, all of his buddies are falling all over themselves to offer their assistance because of the huge hauls he's bringing in. He eventually ends up with 20 people on his string for the Vegas job. Dortmunder plans accordingly, coming up with an absolutely ingenious scheme to distract Fairbanks's security just long enough to get close enough and nab the ring. This is a plan of beauty, completely nonviolent, and it was absolutely amazing to watch it unfold, every piece of it going absolutely perfectly.
For once, Dortmunder came out on top, and it was basically the best thing ever. His take from the Vegas job was big enough to get into (semi-)retirement on. And even though he missed all of the Watergate jokes, even Dortmunder is not dumb enough to believe that Uncle GG's ring actually brings good luck - at least, not to the man wearing it.
How does a series continue after such a madcap, perfectly executed heist? I'm a little afraid to find out.
This book is amazing. There is no other word for it, especially after the horrorshow that was Drowned Hopes. To go from that (which I couldn't even finish, the first Dortumunder book I flat out DNFed less than halfway through) to this is...well, amazing.
Dortmunder's lady friend May inherits a gaudy, likely cheap, ring from her Uncle GG. Uncle GG considered it his good luck charm, so May offers it to Dortmunder, because he could use some good luck for a change. He puts it on - a perfect fit, naturally - and sets off for a job that night. He's supposed to be burgling an empty house, but when he gets there, the householder is home, and calls the police. Worse still, said householder, Max Fairbanks, claims that the ring actually belongs to him, and takes it right off Dortmunder's finger in front of the cops! Dortmunder is outraged, and vows to get his ring back.
Fairbanks is your basic cheese snack product with a healthy dose of narcissism and the kind of teflon coating that is usually only found on cookware. He's done a lot of despicable shit in his life and gotten away with almost all of it. Everybody knows he's a slimy jerk, but nobody can really do anything about it.
Until Dortmunder.
Dortmunder just wants his ring back, not because he believes its a good-luck charm, but because May gave it to him (aww). He escapes from the police and returns to the house, only to find Fairbanks gone. So he finishes the burglary job, cashes in his proceeds with his favorite fence, and vows to run Fairbanks to ground.
Dortmunder's schemes still fail, but they fail upwards. He pursues Fairbanks across the city, to Washington DC, and then eventually to Vegas. Each time he goes in and finds that Fairbanks is gone (or never arrived), he's angry. After Washington, he actually wails that all they got away with was $50,000! (Oh, Dortmunder - never change, my dude.)
Meanwhile, Fairbanks' luck has turned to utter tripe. From the second he took Dortmunder's ring, nothing has gone right for him, and but its all in such a glorious way that it looks like Fairbanks himself is behind all of the crimes that Dortmunder and his gang pull while they're in pursuit of the ring. The noose is getting tighter around his neck, and honestly it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
Dortmunder eventually beards Fairbanks in his den in Vegas, at a hotel property that Fairbanks owns. Fairbanks has set the trap, and Dortmunder goes in with a plan. Meanwhile, all of his buddies are falling all over themselves to offer their assistance because of the huge hauls he's bringing in. He eventually ends up with 20 people on his string for the Vegas job. Dortmunder plans accordingly, coming up with an absolutely ingenious scheme to distract Fairbanks's security just long enough to get close enough and nab the ring. This is a plan of beauty, completely nonviolent, and it was absolutely amazing to watch it unfold, every piece of it going absolutely perfectly.
For once, Dortmunder came out on top, and it was basically the best thing ever. His take from the Vegas job was big enough to get into (semi-)retirement on. And even though he missed all of the Watergate jokes, even Dortmunder is not dumb enough to believe that Uncle GG's ring actually brings good luck - at least, not to the man wearing it.
How does a series continue after such a madcap, perfectly executed heist? I'm a little afraid to find out.
August 20, 2024
And back to Dortmunder after a break. John, Andy and the gang are back to take down a billionaire who had the audacity to cross John Dortmunder. When May receives a man's ring as a bequest from a long-lost uncle, Dortmunder decides he likes it and adopts it as his lucky ring. Wearing it on a burglary of a Long Island summer home that is supposed to be empty as it is a Chapter 11 bankruptcy asset, the billionaire owner ends up holding Dortmunder at gunpoint while waiting for the police and ultimately, claims the ring as his own while Dortmunder is taken in to custody. Well...this will not stand and Dortmunder embarks on a cross-country mission with Andy Kelp, Stan March, Herman X and seventeen others to retrieve his lucky ring. Well...it seems the ring is luckier for Dortmunder when it's not in his possession and not quite so lucky for its new owner.
I had taken a break from the Dortmunder novels because I'd been struggling with them a bit. And this one firmed up the reason why. The book is just too long. This is a fun caper novel. It needs to breeze along. But there are definitely times this one slogs. You could easily cut 20-30% of the word count of this book and I suspect you wouldn't lose much. The third act is quite fun and it's nice to see Andy Kelp find a little love. But I'm going to have think about whether I'm up for the next installment.
I had taken a break from the Dortmunder novels because I'd been struggling with them a bit. And this one firmed up the reason why. The book is just too long. This is a fun caper novel. It needs to breeze along. But there are definitely times this one slogs. You could easily cut 20-30% of the word count of this book and I suspect you wouldn't lose much. The third act is quite fun and it's nice to see Andy Kelp find a little love. But I'm going to have think about whether I'm up for the next installment.
February 15, 2019
With the world the way it is, so confusing and unsettling and downright scary, you sometimes just need books that will put a smile on your face. Last weeks’ was most definitely one of these. And of course, anything with the Westlake name and a Dortmunder starring role, is going to have the requisite jokes to take me away from the real world.
Loveable thief, John Dortmunder breaks into a supposedly empty Long island mansion, where he’s surprised to find the owner with a pistol in hand. This owner – who couldn’t be any more a composite of Rupert Murdoch and Donald Trump if he was named Murdoch Trump – takes the opportunity to actually steal from Dortmunder. Plucking a ring from his finger before the rent-a-cops haul him away. Well, Dortmunder isn’t going to have that, and so the quest begins for Dortmunder and his crew to get that ring back and steal all they can from Murdoch Trump along the way.
If this hadn’t been written a few years earlier, one could take this as a direct riposte to the George Clooney/Steven Soderbergh version of OCEAN’S ELEVEN. Both end up with the robbery of a Las Vegas casino, but whereas Danny Ocean and crew have various terrible twists and turns along the way, John Dortmunder and his crew manage to do it with professional ease. Reading this, I thought it was the kind of heist that Richard Stark’s Parker would have approved of. And given that Dortmunder is Parker’s slope shouldered, more easy-going, less ruthless alternate universe twin – and is much more at home with calamity than success – that wasn’t a sentence I expected to write.
Yes, it took me away from thinking about Brexit and Trump (although obviously I enjoyed Murdoch Trump getting his comeuppance) and all the other distressing things in the world. There's more than one amusing set-piece in WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? I can’t shake the feeling, though, that this isn’t top level Dortmunder. However, even mid-ranking is guaranteed to put a smile on my face.
Loveable thief, John Dortmunder breaks into a supposedly empty Long island mansion, where he’s surprised to find the owner with a pistol in hand. This owner – who couldn’t be any more a composite of Rupert Murdoch and Donald Trump if he was named Murdoch Trump – takes the opportunity to actually steal from Dortmunder. Plucking a ring from his finger before the rent-a-cops haul him away. Well, Dortmunder isn’t going to have that, and so the quest begins for Dortmunder and his crew to get that ring back and steal all they can from Murdoch Trump along the way.
If this hadn’t been written a few years earlier, one could take this as a direct riposte to the George Clooney/Steven Soderbergh version of OCEAN’S ELEVEN. Both end up with the robbery of a Las Vegas casino, but whereas Danny Ocean and crew have various terrible twists and turns along the way, John Dortmunder and his crew manage to do it with professional ease. Reading this, I thought it was the kind of heist that Richard Stark’s Parker would have approved of. And given that Dortmunder is Parker’s slope shouldered, more easy-going, less ruthless alternate universe twin – and is much more at home with calamity than success – that wasn’t a sentence I expected to write.
Yes, it took me away from thinking about Brexit and Trump (although obviously I enjoyed Murdoch Trump getting his comeuppance) and all the other distressing things in the world. There's more than one amusing set-piece in WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? I can’t shake the feeling, though, that this isn’t top level Dortmunder. However, even mid-ranking is guaranteed to put a smile on my face.
January 17, 2009
He took Dortmunders ring????? His good luck ring???? The scumbag deserves whatever he got. He had it coming!
(I understand the movie of this was so-so- the book is classic Westlake)
From the Publisher
It started with a ring. A cheap ring. The yellow metal said brass, not gold, and the sparkly bits were certainly not diamonds. But the ring belonged to May's horseplaying uncle, who swore it brought good luck. Dortmunder, who wouldn't kick a little good luck out of bed, puts it to the test when he goes to burglarize Long Island billionaire Max Fairbanks. As luck would have it, Dortmunder is greeted by Fairbanks himself - and a loaded gun - as soon as he strolls through the door. When the cops arrive, the mogul adds insult to injury by claiming that Dortmunder's lucky ring is actually his. Big mistake, big guy. As soon as Dortmunder can give the cops the slip, the world's most single-minded burglar goes after the fat cat with a vengeance and a team of crooks that only he can assemble. And from the get go everything will go Dortmunder's way - everything, that is, except the ring.
(I understand the movie of this was so-so- the book is classic Westlake)
From the Publisher
It started with a ring. A cheap ring. The yellow metal said brass, not gold, and the sparkly bits were certainly not diamonds. But the ring belonged to May's horseplaying uncle, who swore it brought good luck. Dortmunder, who wouldn't kick a little good luck out of bed, puts it to the test when he goes to burglarize Long Island billionaire Max Fairbanks. As luck would have it, Dortmunder is greeted by Fairbanks himself - and a loaded gun - as soon as he strolls through the door. When the cops arrive, the mogul adds insult to injury by claiming that Dortmunder's lucky ring is actually his. Big mistake, big guy. As soon as Dortmunder can give the cops the slip, the world's most single-minded burglar goes after the fat cat with a vengeance and a team of crooks that only he can assemble. And from the get go everything will go Dortmunder's way - everything, that is, except the ring.
June 4, 2008
This is one of the best Dortmunder books I've read. He goes to rob a rich guys house, not counting on him being home. He holds a gun on poor Dortmunder & calls the cops. When the cops show up, the rich guy adds insult to injury by saying John's "lucky ring" is really his. Word gets out how Dortmunder was robbed, and all the crooks band together to help get his ring back. It's a GREAT book!!!!
January 7, 2015
John Dortmunder is a burglar, and when a fellow thief proposes a job at a billionaire’s mansion, he agrees. But the mansion, supposedly empty, is occupied, and Dortmunder’s friend takes off when they hear a noise in the house. Dortmunder is nabbed by the cops, and the billionaire claims that the ring on Dortmunder’s finger belongs to him. Dortmunder escapes from police custody, but is irate that his ring was stolen, and vows to get it back.
Westlake is the master of the humorous caper novel.
Westlake is the master of the humorous caper novel.
June 18, 2011
After a millionaire thwarts a burglar's attempt to rob his property, and dares steal the burglar's ring, luck reverses as he tries to get his ring back. Very funny and quirky read, not sure I would follow the entire series, but I did greatly enjoyed the book. I could not put the book down while reading through the last stunt.
July 31, 2022
My favorite of all the Dortmunders. An attempted robbery goes amiss, the self-important business tycoon homeowner steals Dortmunder's "lucky ring" as a joke and Dortmunder's "luck" (or lack thereof) goes with it! Hilarious from start to finish.
November 21, 2008
Got this in a box of books...its a little beat up, but still readable; just not his best work, IMO (a bit "hokey")....
December 31, 2019
Probably the first Westlake I read, and very entertaining.
January 18, 2025
Somehow, “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”, the ninth book in the series, is the best Dortmunder book so far. Halfway through “Don’t Ask”, Westlake discovered that a shady billionaire is the perfect foil for Dortmunder, and in this novel he takes advantage of that discovery by shaping the whole book around such an antagonist. His name is Max Fairbanks, and in another brilliant touch, he opens the story by stealing from Dortmunder. Dortmunder and a business acquaintance have gone out to Trans-Global Universal Industry’s corporate retreat — a fancy house on the South Shore of Long Island — to rob the place, only to find that Fairbanks, who owns TUI, is using it for a rendezvous with his mistress. (Not only is he cheating on his wife, he is also violating a judge's order as part of an ongoing bankruptcy restructuring.) Fine, Dortmunder is familiar with bad luck, but what he can’t accept is Fairbanks claiming that a ring Dortmunder is wearing — a legacy from May’s uncle, who claimed that it was a good luck piece, though May is dubious — is also stolen. The police accept it, though, and make Dortmunder give Fairbanks the ring, a clever way to suggest that much of Fairbanks’s fortune is similarly stolen. Not that the ring itself is worth anything — even its sentimental value is limited, as May wasn’t exactly close to her uncle — but it’s the principle of the thing, and Dortmunder is left absolutely furious. He’ll do whatever it takes to get back the ring, whatever it takes turning out to be, as is the case in several books in the series, an escalating series of heists. The running joke is that, while each heist is enormously successful, Dortmunder is left unsatisfied (until the last, of course): he may have come away with large quantities of money and/or valuables, but he doesn’t have his ring. Meanwhile, Max, once he realizes what’s going on, is also plotting to take Dortmunder down, which gives the book an extra jolt of energy.
What really sets it apart, though, is the way that Westlake manages to totally revolutionize Kelp, even though Kelp has been in the series from the beginning. Kelp’s role has long been to be the anti-Dortmunder: cheerful, optimistic, tech-loving, etc. This is fine, but limiting: by this time even Tiny Bulcher, whose sole personality trait when he entered the series was "large man who likes to hit people", has a more well-defined personality than Kelp does. Of course, a large part of the reason for that is Tiny’s relationship with J.C., and Westlake uses a similar approach to bring out Kelp’s depths. But while J.C., used to operating in legal gray areas, fit in easily with the gang, Anne-Marie, Kelp's love interest, does not have a criminal background. (The conversation in which Kelp explains to her what he and Dortmunder actually do — he likes to refer to himself as a crook, he says, because it’s jauntier — is a definite highlight.) Instead, she’s a woman facing a sudden blank where her future used to be. The daughter of a congressman from Kansas, she meets Kelp shortly after the final disintegration of her marriage in the middle of a vacation in New York. Alone and adrift in a strange city when she meets Kelp, he strikes her not as the happy-go-lucky lightweight he can sometimes seem to be when counterposed to Dortmunder, but as the rare man who is comfortable with who he is. Kelp isn’t worried about the future, much less desperately scrabbling to make it up to the next rung of the ladder, and this is very attractive for Anne-Marie, who might otherwise find herself worrying about the future very much indeed. Their unexpectedly sweet romance turns out to be a perfect compliment to Dortmunder’s robberies, which culminate in a brilliant heist in a Vegas casino, which was so obviously cinematic that I wondered why this book had never been made into a movie. (Turns out it has, but Hollywood managed to screw it up: the terrible script didn’t even include the casino robbery, which was instead left for a different and slightly more successful 2001 heist comedy, “Ocean’s Eleven”.) All too often, by the time it hits the ninth book a series has either become rote or started to spin out of control as the author grasps desperately for new ideas: it’s very impressive that Westlake managed instead to write what is clearly this series's best entry yet.
What really sets it apart, though, is the way that Westlake manages to totally revolutionize Kelp, even though Kelp has been in the series from the beginning. Kelp’s role has long been to be the anti-Dortmunder: cheerful, optimistic, tech-loving, etc. This is fine, but limiting: by this time even Tiny Bulcher, whose sole personality trait when he entered the series was "large man who likes to hit people", has a more well-defined personality than Kelp does. Of course, a large part of the reason for that is Tiny’s relationship with J.C., and Westlake uses a similar approach to bring out Kelp’s depths. But while J.C., used to operating in legal gray areas, fit in easily with the gang, Anne-Marie, Kelp's love interest, does not have a criminal background. (The conversation in which Kelp explains to her what he and Dortmunder actually do — he likes to refer to himself as a crook, he says, because it’s jauntier — is a definite highlight.) Instead, she’s a woman facing a sudden blank where her future used to be. The daughter of a congressman from Kansas, she meets Kelp shortly after the final disintegration of her marriage in the middle of a vacation in New York. Alone and adrift in a strange city when she meets Kelp, he strikes her not as the happy-go-lucky lightweight he can sometimes seem to be when counterposed to Dortmunder, but as the rare man who is comfortable with who he is. Kelp isn’t worried about the future, much less desperately scrabbling to make it up to the next rung of the ladder, and this is very attractive for Anne-Marie, who might otherwise find herself worrying about the future very much indeed. Their unexpectedly sweet romance turns out to be a perfect compliment to Dortmunder’s robberies, which culminate in a brilliant heist in a Vegas casino, which was so obviously cinematic that I wondered why this book had never been made into a movie. (Turns out it has, but Hollywood managed to screw it up: the terrible script didn’t even include the casino robbery, which was instead left for a different and slightly more successful 2001 heist comedy, “Ocean’s Eleven”.) All too often, by the time it hits the ninth book a series has either become rote or started to spin out of control as the author grasps desperately for new ideas: it’s very impressive that Westlake managed instead to write what is clearly this series's best entry yet.
October 28, 2023
Ce li hai presenti quei momenti in cui c’è un filo di oscurità incipiente, un pensiero malevolo, un momento di sottile tristezza, e allora prendi il telefono (o la macchina, o ti alzi dalla tua scrivania) e chiami (o vai a cercare, o vai a disturbare alla scrivania) quella persona che un pochino ti illumina?
Che poi magari non è che che nasca un discorso profondo, una confidenza o un confronto di opinioni sulle cose della vita, no. Sono due frasi e qualche caz.zata, una mezza risata e un istante di pura leggerezza.
I libri di Westlake per me son quella roba lì. Che poi magari fra due anni faticherò un po’ a ricordarmi la trama e mi domanderò perché ci sia un anello in copertina (non credo, la storia del ladro derubato di un anello dalla ipotetica vittima del furto vale il prezzo del biglietto) o mi chiederò di chi sia il volto dietro la pistola (non credo neppure questo, il cattivone della storia è profondamente antipatico e lascia memoria), ma andrebbe bene uguale: sono stati giorni in compagnia di una banda di criminali con una complicata moralità, una storia d’amore che dura dav romanzi interi e una che sboccia, casinò e alberghi che nascondono segreti.
Il tutto senza troppi pensieri, e va bene così.
(con la sottile preoccupazione per l’assottigliarsi inesorabile dei Westlake tradotti, e la cosa inizia a preoccuparmi non poco. Ma per scacciare la preoccupazione ci vorrebbe un Westlake…)
Che poi magari non è che che nasca un discorso profondo, una confidenza o un confronto di opinioni sulle cose della vita, no. Sono due frasi e qualche caz.zata, una mezza risata e un istante di pura leggerezza.
I libri di Westlake per me son quella roba lì. Che poi magari fra due anni faticherò un po’ a ricordarmi la trama e mi domanderò perché ci sia un anello in copertina (non credo, la storia del ladro derubato di un anello dalla ipotetica vittima del furto vale il prezzo del biglietto) o mi chiederò di chi sia il volto dietro la pistola (non credo neppure questo, il cattivone della storia è profondamente antipatico e lascia memoria), ma andrebbe bene uguale: sono stati giorni in compagnia di una banda di criminali con una complicata moralità, una storia d’amore che dura dav romanzi interi e una che sboccia, casinò e alberghi che nascondono segreti.
Il tutto senza troppi pensieri, e va bene così.
(con la sottile preoccupazione per l’assottigliarsi inesorabile dei Westlake tradotti, e la cosa inizia a preoccuparmi non poco. Ma per scacciare la preoccupazione ci vorrebbe un Westlake…)
March 5, 2019
Very enjoyable caper novel in the Dortmunder series. I really am getting to like Westlake and this comedic crime series of novels. In this one, Dortmunder is given a good luck ring from his companion May. He wears it to burglarize a billionaire's house on Long Island but the owner, Max Fairbanks, is unexpectedly there and turns the tables on Dortmunder, pulling a gun on him and calling the cops. And then to shove it in Dortmunder's face, he tells the police that the ring on his finger was stolen from him by Dortmunder. Well, that just doesn't set well with Dortmunder...he escapes from the cops and returns to get back the ring but Fairbanks is gone so he burgles the place and steals a car making out very well. So then he is determined to get the ring back. This leads him to Fairbanks' New York apartment and then to the Watergate Hotel in DC. At both places he misses Fairbanks but still winds up with a lot of loot. The only place left to go to find Fairbanks and the ring is Fairbanks' casino in Vegas. So he pulls his gang together for one more shot at the ring. This last caper reminded me a lot of Ocean's Eleven where the whole gang coordinates to rob the place. Overall, a really enjoyable ride! I'll be reading more in this series...
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