Where I Want to Be

by Adele Griffin, Ruth Ann Phimister (Narrator), Jennifer Ikeda (Narrator)

Where I Want to Be

Genres: Young Adult, Fiction, Teen, Realistic Fiction, Mental Illness, Death, Mental Health

Audio CD

First published April 21, 2005

About the author

from Wikipedia:

Adele Griffin is the author of over thirty highly-acclaimed books across a variety of genres, including Sons of Liberty and Where I Want to Be, both National Book Award Finalists.

Her debut adult novel The Favor explores themes of friendship, surrogacy, and nontraditional family building.

Find her on TikTok at @adelegriffinbooks and Instagram at @adelegriffin or www.adelegriffin.


website: www.adelegriffin.com


Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/adelegriffi...

Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Adele-G...


Open Road Media interview
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSa3P...

Reviews

[CanadianReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting but not entirely successful novel that explores the relationship between two teenage sisters, one of whom, Jane, suffered from serious mental illness and recently died after being struck by a car. Griffin presents the points of view of the siblings in alternating chapters.

Although Jane was killed in the spring—and it is now summer—she has been unable to leave the earth. She lingers on in the place she loved best, the now derelict home of her deceased grandparents. The reader learns that Jane’s psychosis (elevated mood, delusions, and auditory hallucinations) first presented when, as a twelve-year-old, she went on a camping trip with her grandmother and grandfather. She believed that a fish her grandfather had caught, which they subsequently ate for supper, was trying to reassemble itself within her so that it could return to the lake. Since that time six years before, Jane had been on antipsychotics. The medication kept the worst of her symptoms at bay, but it failed to alter her sense of being out of step with the rest of the world.

Though a year younger than Jane, Lily Calvert has always felt like the older sister. She’s pretty, popular, and actively involved in school clubs. She also has a sensitive, steady boyfriend, Caleb, a classmate of Jane’s with his own unusual history. It wasn’t easy for Lily to grow up with Jane. In fact, the Calvert family’s existence essentially revolved around the older girl’s illness. Since her sister’s death, Lily has leaned heavily on Caleb, who (somewhat unconvincingly) has put his own life on hold to provide emotional support to her. (While his friends are almost all off to college in the fall, he’s made no post-secondary-school plans.) Lily has also been reluctant to attend parties and social gatherings since Jane’s death. It’s a small town; the family’s loss is known to most.

The big event of the novel occurs at a party held by a school classmate. It involves an exchange with another attendee which forces Lily to confront things she’s been hiding from herself.

The alternating points of view and lots of light dialogue keep the novel moving at a brisk pace. The subject matter is heavy, but Griffin’s book is not as dreary as one might expect. In part, this is because the author’s treatment of Lily’s bereavement is very superficial. Additionally, the denouement and resolution are far too quick and neat. Not a bad read, but not a particularly memorable one either.

[Linda Lipko]

Two sisters, Jane and Lily. Jane suffers from severe depression, and while the author doesn't mention schizophrenia, it appears that Jane also is in the throes of hearing voices and slipping in and out of reality.

The family is loving and understanding and tries to the best of their ability to help Jane. When she dies in an accident, they are left wondering if it was purposeful. Lily is left with grief.

The subject matter is intense, but somehow the writing style lacked depth.

I cannot recommend this one at all.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was at the library, I was looking around for a shortish book because technically I'm supposed to be focusing on my ebooks. I thought I'd see what Adele Griffin books were on the shelf since I'd already read two and enjoyed them a lot. When I saw that this book focused on two sisters, I was sold.

It alternated between third-person perspective about older, now dead sister Jane and first-person perspective from younger, still living Lily. The sisters are just a year apart in age but are worlds away in personalities. Lily is acclimated to the outside world, popular with a boyfriend and a cheery disposition. Jane prefers her solitude where she can pretend and she struggles with Lily's easy acceptance into the outside, away from their house, their family, and her.

The book only covers a couple of days after the death of Jane, switching between Jane's path to an afterlife and coming to an understanding about her life and Lily's struggle to move on. In general I preferred Lily's narration because of the personality that accompanies a first-person narration and because I was fascinated by her relationship with her boyfriend Caleb, her anchor who keeps her from sinking in grief. Jane's story is more remembrances of her history and eventually quick segment about her death.

Although I had expected a highly emotional read based on my feelings about sister-sister stories where one of them is hurt or dead, I did not get that from this story. I felt sad for them as their relationship didn't end on a positive note and I was happy that they got a measure of closure. But I had anticipated crying and an internal ache, which I did not have at the end.

Overall: Well-written but not as emotional as I had hoped.

[Hanna D. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this book, Where I want to Be, is very boring. In the first 15 chapters it talks about a depressed girl named Lily who thinks the death of her older sister Jane could have been all her fault. Lily just depends on her boyfriend for comfort and protection. Her sister Jane was killed when she was ran over by a car at the age of 18. Jane had mental issues and never wanted to grow up; she had an overactive imagination. This book confused me because in the beginning of the book she was a 7th grader and at the end she was an angel trying to forgive Lily. The star rating I would give this book is 2 stars. The novel was powerful,but not enough to drag me in. There is one or two interesting chapters, but there is no climax. It seems as if Adele Griffin just wrote a boring summer down on a piece of paper and called it a book. I would not recommend this book because of it's lack of interest, action, and excitement. It's probably something I would enjoy when I get older.
I might learn to like this book much better then I do now.

[Dayna Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Griffin's books are strange and haunting and this one is no exception. Jane and Lily are sisters and were always very close until it became clear that Jane was not like everyone else. For Jane the boundary between make-believe and reality is cloudy at best. When Jane dies Lily must learn to cope with her memories and a world that has changed. But is Jane really gone, or is she still watching from the other side? A poignant tale of living with a sibling who has a mental illness. The point of view in this story switches between Lily (1st person) and her dead sister Jane (3rd person). This book can be confusing, but it is worth the effort to read.

[Sharon Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would rate this a 3.5 but as that is not possible I've rounded it up to a generous 4 - 3 would have been a bit low. The story of 2 sisters Lily, and Jane who suffers from a mental illness and lives somewhat in a world of her own. Written mainly in the aftermath of the suicide/accident of Jane, it tells how Lily struggles with her sisters death, while growing overly dependent on her boyfriend Caleb. The chapters are written alternatively between Lily and Jane.
This is quite a beautiful book in a way, although I don't like stories that leave the ending a little loose which this does.

I have to mention that I LOVE the cover for this book (the blue cover with the house).

[Jalyn Cottrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was about 2 girls who are inseparable, one of the girls jane dies and leaves lily. Lily the younger sister who suffers from depression now has to grow up alone. Throughout the book lily lives in an imaginary world and goes to her boyfriend for comfort. In each chapter of the book each chapter is the setting of the past or the mental illness of Lilly's struggle each day without Jane being there. At the end lily begins to meet terms with reality and starts letting go of the past.Overall I think this was a great a great book!

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though this was a pretty good book, it wasn't one of my favorites.(as you can see, i have to experience writing reviews :P) I just wanted people to know that this book is one that leaves you hanging in the end, you don't find out exactly what happens, it's up for the reader to decide I guess. I just wanted to warn people like me, who depise not finding out what happens. That's all from me.

[Shayma · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is one of my favourite books in the world i loved it so much im on the verge of tears every time i remmber it it was a super loving lovely book i hope to read it againe some day and i recomend it to evryone.

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS WAS S O GOOD BUT IT WAS TOO SHORT!!!!! HUHU WHAT WAS THAT ENDING
rating (4.5 stars)

[Kitty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously, I'm super slacking on my book goal for this year. Five books in a year might be a joke for some of you, but this year has been hectic and busy and being an adult sucks. So, I picked this up from a used book sale because it was short and I needed some help reaching my goal.
Wow. I'm glad I did.
I've been stuck reading another book *cough* Jerk, California *cough* because it's...just not for me. I'm so glad I found this one to help me feel motivated to read again! I was beginning to think it was me and I just wasn't into books anymore.



But nope, my depression and anxiety can get the fuck out of here because it's not me. It's the author.

Okay, enough about me and let's get to this book review:
Griffin's writing is easy-peasy to read and a nice break from complicated writings. The plot, however, is not easy-peasy and it'll have you feeling some kind of way. This is a young-adult novel, it does not go super in-depth into what it's like living with someone who suffers from mental illness, but it does a nice job summarizing it. The relationships in this novel are real and heavy, except for the parents. That's probably my one and only complaint is that I would have liked to hear from the parents/grandparents more. But, in the end this was really more about the sisters than the family as a whole.
The novel is quick paced, kept me entertained the whole time, and does not have any terrible, cringy parts like most YA novels have. Also, Caleb is an interesting guy. I work with troubled teens and I'm stealing (jk, I'm giving credit) a quote about Caleb in hopes that some of these boys will actually listen to it. Here's the quote in case you're curious: "Indifference is weird. It makes kids think you know something that they don't." If I could get at least one boy to listen to that quote and stop getting into fights and start meditating and being laid back like Caleb, well then I've done my job. But that's easier said than done.
I'm just so happy I picked up this book. It's made me want to start reading again and I know I can meet my pathetic 5 book goal this year! Next stop: drink a couple glasses of margaritas and finish that god-awful Jerk, California book! (Isn't reading so much more fun while drunk?)

[Nozomi · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I finished reading “Where I Want to Be” it felt incomplete. It’s not bad but I don’t think it’s good either. While reading this book it felt the story was not going anywhere until the end and there were not a lot of interesting parts where I wanted to keep reading and find out what is going to happen next. I think the story was going to slow for me because I like books that I could understand near the beginning and this book was confusing until chapter 15. Also, the characters lacked interest for me because Lily is a girl who just depends on her boyfriend and regrets things she did to Jane. Maybe I just don’t understand this story and I didn’t get parts that were supposed to connect the story.

Another reason it wasn’t really a good book for me is that at the end Lily tells Caleb to leave because she feels she’s holding him back to do the things he wants and later they are at the bus station and Lily and Caleb wanted to say goodbye to each other first and they decided to flip a coin to choose and then that’s where the story ends. I didn’t like that because it doesn’t say what actually happened to Jane and I expected at least an emotional ending. There were still emotional parts that were good when I couldn’t stand Jane, an innocent girl feeling down and then dying but I just didn’t like the ending. For other readers who don’t like stories that don’t tell you what will happen next, I would not recommend this book since it may not meet their expectations.

The good thing about this book is that it’s kind of relatable even though I’ve never had a mental sister or had a close person die there were some situations in the book that I could relate to. For example, Jane feels left out by Jane and Caleb and feels like Caleb is replacing her. What happens to me but instead with friends. This was a new type of book I read because it didn’t have a happy ending like some books and didn’t go straight to the point which made me interested in it. In conclusion, this would be a good book if you understand what pov each chapter is but I wouldn’t recommend “Where I Want To Be”

[Ashley]

I don’t know how long this book will stay with me, but it was an engaging read. I read it in one sitting and felt like the story was good, but not very emotional. I didn’t feel like the characters felt much (even though they sort of claim they do…) and I didn’t feel much emotion while reading. So, overall, I wouldn’t tell anyone not to read it, but I wouldn’t tell anyone to read it either… 🤷‍♀️

[Katiepertee · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a quick read but not really an easy read, the plot was all over the place with duo povs and switching from 3rd person to 1st person so it got very confusing, overall the plot was mid and not that great.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lily's sister Jane unexpectedly died her senior year and this novel explores the sister's path to acceptance and healing.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This story lagged and I just never got into it.

[Samarium Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book focuses on the struggles of living with mental illness. Both self and family struggles. It is beautifully written and an easy read.

[Small Review · Rating 4 out of 5]

Outside my comfort zone

I must be a masochist because Adele Griffin keeps kicking me in the gut and I keep coming back for more. I mean this as a compliment. Her books make me feel on a gut-wrenchingly real level. Don’t be deceived by the tiny page counts: Adele knows how to make every single word count and come together to create a powerful story. Her choice to use alternating narratives (one first person, one third person) was a stroke of genius, subtly adding incredible depth, characterization and atmosphere that would not have been accomplished as well with a different narration style.

Falling into the contemporary genre and dealing with the aftermath of death, I wasn’t really into this book for a while. I’m a reader who likes happy stories and I primarily gravitate toward books with some sort of fantasy element and a lot of fast-paced action. It could be argued that WIWtB does have fantasy elements because half of the story is told from the perspective of the deceased sister, but at its core I think this really belongs in the contemp genre.

Given all that, I didn’t really love the story. The genre is just not my thing. And yet, you may notice I gave this book a four star rating. That is because, even though this isn’t my genre, I was so incredibly affected by my reading experience that WIWtB has become precious to me.

A letter to my heart

Not only was I sobbing at various points throughout the book, but I even had a dream inspired by it that caused me to wake up crying. I can only remember one other time in my entire life that I have cried in my sleep. I'm still pretty shaken up about that. Reading Where I Want to Be was a startling and deeply moving experience, to say the least.

Instead of connecting with the characters, I felt like the book was speaking directly to me. I do not have a mentally ill sister, I have never lost a sibling, and all but one of my grandparents are alive and well (I never really knew the other grandparent). So my experiences are not at all similar to those of the characters in this book.

But I do have a sister. I do have grandparents. I have experienced loss. At their core, the relationships and feelings described in this book are something I can relate with deeply.

Beyond genres

I didn’t realize how invested I was in the book until about halfway through. It sort of snuck up on me. One minute I was reading normally and then the next thing I knew my heart was in a death-grip and I was struggling to see the words through my tears.

This isn’t just a book about grief. While there is that, and the characters do grapple with emotions surrounding a death, there is also much more here. It is a book about coming to terms with and accepting the people we love as they are, even if that is different from how we wish they were, and coming to terms with mixed feelings as a result of this reality. But really, it's even more than that, and it's never preachy. Adele so sensitively and accurately cuts to the heart of emotional issues and human experiences that I often wonder, does she have a secrete doctorate in psychology?

I want to point out the page numbers again. One hundred sixty. That’s it. That this book contains such incredible weight, depth, and poignancy despite its tiny page count is a testament to Adele’s magnificent ability to write. Where I Want to Be will silence those who believe YA books are incapable of capturing the maturity or seriousness of adult literature. On a purely writing level, her sentences are the kind that make me to stop to consider their beauty and read aloud just to hear and feel them.

Final words

In another author’s hands I don’t think I would have enjoyed this book all that much. I didn’t particularly like the characters (though I want to wrap them all up in hugs to comfort and shelter them) and the plot didn’t grab me (remember, not my genre). In Adele’s hands, however, this book transcended its bounds and touched me at my core. Some books introduce you to characters you will cherish, others take you on adventures, and a rare few reach beyond the fictional world to affect who you are as a person. For me, Where I Want to Be is that latter gem.

If contemporary and sad books aren’t your thing, try not to automatically dismiss this book. I would have done that if I hadn’t already read and loved two of her other books, and I would have been missing out. For fans of the genre, I can’t imagine this book not soaring to the top of your list. Also worth mentioning, Adele was nominated for the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature for this book, and it is clear why.

Originally posted at Small Review

[Brittany · Rating 1 out of 5]

Abandoned after reading half of the book. I just couldn't get into it! It feels like the story isn't going anywhere, and neither Lily nor Jane are interesting enough characters for me to keep slogging through another 90-ish pages. I thought I would enjoy the story more because it deals with grief and takes place in my home state, but the Rhode Island references were either passing or inaccurate (there isn't a Providence Community College, and that just took me out of it almost immediately), and the way Lily is reacting to grief just doesn't sit well with me.

Maybe this book really does it for some, but I just couldn't get into it.

UPDATE: I went back and finished this book, and my opinion hasn't changed. I felt like a whole lot of nothing happened for 150 pages.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book where i want to be by Adele Griffin is about a girl named Lily and her big sister Jane that were totally different but looked like twins. Jane was always a shy girl and never had much friends growing up, she was always teaching Lily to play make-believe, make-believe was a game that Jane really enjoyed playing while she was growing up, it was her escape from reality. But while Lily was growing up she was always hanging out with her many friends and even dating some guys. “For Jane, the line between fantasy and reality had always blurred, whereas for Lily lived for a future bright with expectation and change.” (back cover) Lily had fallen in love with a boy named Caleb but the only problem was that Jane loved him first. Jane was frustrated that her little sister has eclipsed her all Jane could do was watch. Lily and her sister were growing further and further apart and then one day something terrible happened that changed Lily’s life forever. She wished she had more time and that she payed more attention but she didn’t and she regrets it. Read the book where i want to be by Adele Griffin to find out what happened that left Lily and her family in pain and tears.
I think the book where i want to be by Adele Griffin is a great book filled with lots of drama, so if you are into drama this would be a great book for you. In this book there were many different perspectives of different people. I thought it was interesting how every chapter it would change from Jane’s point of view how things used to be and Lily’s point of view how things are and used to be. There are many party of this book that are unanswered, this book mainly talks about how Jane and Lily grew up but it doesn’t tell what Janes special needs condition is. I think the reason Jane and Lily weren’t so close is because of Jane’s condition, Lily wanted to do her own thing as a teen and Jane also wanted to do her own thing. But during this time Jane was doing what she had to do as a big sister, comforting Lily when there were thunderstorms and talking to her when she was sad. I think that you should go and take a look at the book and maybe try it out, you never know, you might like it! From this book I definitely learned to not take things for granted and spend more time with the people you love because not everything will stay forever.
I would give this book a 4-5 stars because it was a very good book and nicely detailed, but it was missing some parts to it, like what Jane’s Special Needs Condition is and it doesn’t really talk about how her mom and dad handled things and it also didn't talk about Lily much from Jane’s perspective, it was all about Augustus and Grandpa at there house that Jane called Orchard way. And on Lily’s side it didn’t talk about Jane so much it was mostly about her boyfriend Caleb and them hanging out. I think it would be 5 stars if it wasn’t missing parts like that because it would make the book so much more interesting and wanting the reader to keep reading the book. I think the author should have put more information in because, the more information the more interesting and the reader would want to read on and possibly read more of Adele Griffins books. This book is a very short book about 160 pages in the book so it is fairly short and it is a quick easy read. From the effort put into making this book and the information that was in it, I think I would go and read another book by Adele Griffin.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book “Where I Want To Be”, by Adele Griffin, is about two sisters named Lily and Jane. Jane was always a shy girl and never had much friends growing up. She always wanted to play make-believe with her younger sister Lily. Jane loved playing make-believe because it was an escape of reality for her. But Lily was growing up and she started hanging out with friends and started dating. “For Jane, the line between fantasy and reality had always blurred, whereas for Lily lived for a future bright with expectation and change.” Lily fell in love with a boy named Caleb. As Jane noticed that Caleb and Lily were together, she was jealous. Jane loved Caleb first and it hurt her to know that her sister took him away from her. As Lily and Caleb were together more, Jane and Lily were growing further apart. Jane would get upset when Caleb would come over and Lily wouldn’t include her. Jane felt as if she had nobody. She was lost and hopeless. Then one day changed Lily’s life forever. Lily was lost without the one thing she needed. She regretted not being there for Jane, not paying enough attention, and not hanging out with her. Lily and her family were never the same.
I think this book was great. It was tragic to find out the history of Jane and Lily. The book is in two perspectives, Jane’s and Lily’s. While Jane’s is in past tense and Lily’s is in present tense. The every chapter switches between Jane’s point of view and Lily’s. A lot of the book tells you how Lily and Jane grew up. It doesn’t tell you what Jane’s special needs condition is though, it’s a mystery. As they grow up they really start to grow apart though. I think it’s because Lily wants to hang out with friends and her boyfriend over Jane. Jane always wants to be with Lily because Lily’s really the only friend she has. Jane just kind of stays as a kid, she doesn’t want to grow up. Then Lily is doing all the things Jane has dreamed of doing, but can’t. Although Jane and Lily were close in a way. Jane would comfort Lily in a thunderstorm and talk to her when she was upset. I think this shows to not take family for granted. Family will always be there and you do need to spend time with them. Yes, you need to hang out with friends but you want a good relationship with your family.
I would give this book 4 stars. It was a great book, but it left out some parts that could’ve been helpful. Like they leave out Jane’s special condition and I think it would’ve been helpful to have a chapter about how her parents dealt with the issue. Lily’s point of view was more focused on Caleb and I think it should’ve had more of Jane in it. Other than that I thought it was great!

[Lea Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Where I Want To Be is a very good book. It has a lot of drama in it so if your in to drama this is the book for you. I think this book had a lot of different perspectives on different situation. Which makes it more interesting and easier to get a better understanding of every characters view. So to the situation's that are happening in the book you just don't get to see one character view you see all and it opens your eyes up to a better view of all things in life too not just in a book. And I really like that about this book and I honestly didn't think this was going to be a good book but it was great book. When I picked this book I really didn't really care about it at all. But when I could connect with the book. That's really when I got into it and just the way it goes back and forth between future and past is remarkable that really caught my attention. But when I first started reading the book it wasn't that good it was boring but that's how a lot of book are they are always boring in the beginning and get good in the middle and end. But over all this book is good. But there a lot of things that the book leaves unanswered. Such as Jane special need condition. Plus its Jane and Lily relationship the book is mainly about and how they grow apart but I think it mainly because of Jane condition that really affects everything because Jane wants to stay in her own little world. While Lily grows up and lives her life. And also goes to do teenage stuff such as go to the mall, hangs out with friends and get a boyfriend. I think that's okay for Lilly to do what she wants to instead of be bored and do stuff that she doesn't wanna do. Because what teenager wants to do things they don't want to do ? I know I don't like to unless I'm forced by my parents.And I'm not blaming Jane for her condition because she doesn't even want it. But in my opinion if she didn't have that condition it would be easier for Lily to hang out with Jane because she would want to do stuff that Lily does and be more involved with her sister life. They would be closer and it would be way easier for both of the girls and Jane would be able to have the life that she deserves. Also even with Jane condition she still was a big sister because she always help Lily get over her storm fears. When it would storm Lily would come running in to Jane room. Be scared and Jane wold sit there with Lily and talk her threw it and get her over the storms. But even with the condition Jane still did her job as a big sister.

[Carmen Yeung · Rating 4 out of 5]

__________________________Spoiler Alert________________

When i saw this book at the library on top of the bookshelf i thought it was really there for me, it was destiny and i had to read it. Its title was very depressing, because where i want to be reminds me of college and the real world, where i will be on my own leaving my past behind. In this case, Lily the protagonist is leaving her past behind, where her sister was once in. Her sister jane is a girl with mental health problems, she always question things and wasnt outgoing. Lily and jane are sisters, yet they have different personalities due to Jane's disability. Jane had died in a car accident, well people didnt know if that was an accident or if jane planned it to leave this cruel world. Lily and her boyfriend Caleb had became closer as a couple, leaving Jane behind as an outcast, this contributed to Jane's death as lily supposed. Lily was always blaming herself for jane's death, but she never think of it like it was jane's purpose of wanting to die and she was putting all the blame to herself. In the end, Caleb did open Lily's heart by tell her to leave the past behind, because what happens happened and she should live every minute of the future. Lily was glad, because after all she was blessed with jane for over 15 years.
I thought this story was interesting, because the way the chapters are splitted up, it was one chapter of Lily's life and one chapter of Jane's past. This way Adele Griffin tried to write it in helped me understand how Jane's life relates to Lily's and why it lead to her death, she was very outcasted and died. It reminded me of the discussion the senior had in Lau clan, teenagers who are insecure and outcasted usually end their pain by embedding objects or killing themselves. Over all i can connect with Lily, because whenever something happens to my little sister i take full blame, because i know something that had happened has to connect to what i have done. I feel sad for a little life of Jane's to past away. Overall i enjoyed this book, because it showed how people remember the past. Even though a past could be painful, at least there was memories of the person you once knew. :) And that's a theme i concluded in this story!

[Anna Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Where I Want To Be” is a fantastic novel. Although the book was quite confusing at first, by the end of the book, you understand everything. This particular novel goes back and forth between Lily and her sister, Jane, who suffers from schizophrenia and depression. Jane feels as if nothing is wrong but she knows that she is different from everyone else and made a decision that would change her life.

In the first few chapters, Lily talks about the death of Jane and how she felt as if she could have prevented her older sister’s death. Nobody knows why she would have walked out into the street as the light turned green, but Jane knows. Jane’s disorder drives her to hear voices of inanimate objects and makes her float out of reality. She knows these objects and animals cannot talk but they talk to her, she assures herself that it’s not reality, but that’s the reality of a schizophrenic. Jane decides to quit taking the medicine her doctor prescribed to feel normal again, but after that, everything went down hill. She becomes very mad one day at her sister and decides to leave, her keychain, begins talking to her and telling her that she does not belong here. Makes her get out of the car and walk to the street. She doesn’t know why, but as soon as the light changed from red to green, she stepped onto the pavement and that was it.

The only reason Griffin’s book is confusing is because it goes back and forth between the two sister, but one of them is dead. Jane’s story is told from a third person point of view while Lily’s is told in first person. Jane is staying with her grandma and grandpa at their house on Orchard Way, where every day is perfect and nothing goes wrong. Towards the end of the novel, Lily and her boyfriend Caleb visit Orchard Way to feel close to Jane. The chapter switches to Jane as she describes her sitting in the pool listening her sister and Caleb reminisce on memories of Jane and how much they missed her.
Griffin does a marvelous job at portraying Jane’s illness and making the reader feel as if they are part of the story themselves. I highly recommend this book to anyone who likes haunting and extravagant novels.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book was amazing. I definitely would read this again and again!

[Kelly Rios · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's two sisters, Jane and Lily. Jane was older than Lily by a year. Jane had mental issues and never wanted to grow up. Her disorder sometimes makes her think that animals or objects are talking to her. Lily was loved by everyone and no one really talked to Jane.
In the beginning of the book it says Jane was killed when she was ran over by a car at the age of 18. It was during senior week.
Lily often thinks Jane's death was her fault.
Lily just depends of her boyfriend for comfort and protection. Jane hated Caleb because he was always with Lily and she felt like she was being pushed away.
Jane is staying with her grandparents at their house in Orchard Way. She thinks everyday is perfect and that nothing goes wrong.
The book goes back and forth from Lily's point of view to Jane's.
One day Jane decides to stop taking her medicine but after that everything started going wrong. Jane gets really upset at Lily and leaves. Her keychain starts talking to her saying she doesn't belong there. It makes her get out of her car and walk towards the street. As soon as the red light turned green, she steps into the pavement and that's when the car hit her.
Towards the end Caleb takes Lily to her grandparents house. She barely recognizes it since its in really bad shape. They go back to the pool and talk about Jane about how the miss her. She felt as if she was closer to Jane. Caleb then tells her to let go of her past because what happens happened and she should live every minute of the future.

One thing I dislike from this story was that it was told from Lily's first person point of view and Jane's story was from third person point of view. It kept switching back and forth.

One thing I liked was it made me feel as if I was part of the story.

[Cathleen Ash]

Maybe that’s how changes are made. Maybe the moment right before you’re ready to move on is always when it’s hardest to let go.
Jane’s the big sister - the one who always created the make-believe games she and Lily played growing up…like when they were at Augusta and granpa’s house. Augusta was the ultimate grandma - no matter what Jane did - Augusta never looked angry - fierce sometimes, shocked, but never angry.
Even when Jane smashed Augusta’s crystal vase into a thousand needles all over the front hall - even when Jane let Piccolo - her grandparent’s parakeet, out of his cage and watched him fly away into the woods - never to return.
Jane loved going to Augusta and granpa’s house - she’d named their place Orchard Way and got Lily to play along with her in imaginary games. Jane would put coins in a Ziploc bag and bury them - then Lily would spend the day with a map and a shovel, digging for the buried treasure.
But Jane never grew up and Lily, the younger sister, had to be the grown up one. She stopped playing Jane’s games, started seeing Caleb, and Jane was left behind, left out, alone.
Jane’s dead - and Lily can’t get over the guilt, can’t get over the fact that Jane will never go to senior prom, can’t get over the feeling that Jane is right around the corner. Lily wonders if Jane is alive in an imaginary world - as real to Jane as the make-believe ones she lived in when she was alive…waiting…just around the corner

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jane and Lily are sisters who are very close as children, but start to grow apart as teenagers. Jane creats vivid imaginary worlds and prefers her imagination to real life. Lily prefers the real world and is popular and outgoing.

When her family finally realizes that Jane is mentally ill, she starts taking antipsychotics and talks with a therapist. The diagnosis was not explicit, but I thought her symptoms sounded like schizophrenia.

As Lily becomes more and more a part of the outside world, Jane feels increasingly isolated. When Jane decides to stop taking her meds in order to feel "normal," she ends up dead.

The novel is narrated in alternating chapters from each sister's point of view, even though one is alive and the other is dead.

I found this one difficult to get interested in, but if you can make it past about the first 40 pages, Jane's character becomes compelling. The ending is gorgeous (and sad) as each sister comes to terms with their relationship and is able to move on.

[Aeiley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jane and Lily are two sisters who couldn't be more different. Lily is outgoing and popular was Jane is not quite sure where the line crosses between reality and fantasy. Lily is and ordinary teenager trying to get over Jane's death, while Jane is trying to except what happened to her and her life and move on. People were always judging Jane comparing her to Lily wondering how such a great girl like Lily could be related to a "freak" (Jane has a mental illness) like Jane. Lily was always trying to be nice to her while living her own life but Jane didn't want to move on and grow up and stop playing make believe like everyone said she should, she didn't understand why people couldn't see the world the way she saw it. During this book I couldn't decide whether to be depressed or furious. During the book I wanted to scream at all of the people who hurt Jane and cry for Lily. Its a book that takes you out of your comfort level of "normality" and shows you a new perspective.

[Abby · Rating 2 out of 5]

Fairly well written, but... difficult to read. And not in a good way.

Though Jane's actual diagnosis is never mentioned, it seems to be implied that she has schizophrenia... and yet she is characterized with traits of half a dozen other disorders as well. While many mental illnesses are frequently comorbid--for instance, it's fairly common to see people with multiple anxiety disorders--Jane's characterization just feels wrong. Additionally, Jane's illness is more or less the entirety of her character. In the whole book, we learn very little about her. She is very attached to her grandparents, she is mentally ill, she resents her younger sister, and she is dead. That's about it. That's not much of a character.

There's more I could say, but that's really the bulk of my thoughts on the book. Unfortunately, I really can't recommend this one, even though I liked the book's structure and pacing.