Torn in Two: The Experience of Maternal Ambivalence

by Rozsika Parker

Can the coexistence of love and hate actually stimulate and sharpen a mother's awareness of what is going on between her and her child? Reversing the conventional psychoanalytic approach, in which maternal ambivalence has been chiefly understood from the point of view of the child, this book gives precedence to the mother's perspective. Rozsika Parker draws on interviews with mothers, clinical material from her practice as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, and a range of literary and popular sources, to create a powerful exploration of maternal ambivalence in a culture painfully and profoundly uneasy at its very existence. Original and accessible, with new readings of the work of Klein, Winnicoot, Bowlby and others, Torn in Two will enrich and change our thinking about mothering.

Genres: Psychology, Psychoanalysis, Nonfiction, Parenting, Childrens

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

Reviews

[Jessica Cornett Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Obtuse. But helpful for me. Thesis: Maternal Ambivalence can either be manageable and productive or unmanageable. The way modern society is set up makes it unmanageable. Manageable ambivalence makes you a better mother by encouraging you to work through the dissonance and come up with creative solutions.

[Kate Vereb · Rating 2 out of 5]

Such a great topic that is sorely in need of covering in the culture. But man was this a boring read. Heater 7 and 8 were worth it though.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed Rozsika's use of multiple sources - psychoanalytic, feminist and literary theories, as well as popular culture - in her exploration of maternal ambivalence. Main takeaways for me (particularly as a parent-infant psychotherapist): that maternal ambivalence is inherent to the developmental phase of motherhood, and that it can either be 'manageable' or 'unmanageable'; that 'manageable' maternal ambivalence serves a crucial function in promoting the mother's capacity to think about their baby's experience, and generating the motivation and creativity that is essential for healthy growth towards individuation within the mother-child relationship; and that the broader society's unease with acknowledging maternal ambivalence as a normal phenomenon makes it difficult for mothers to accept and effectively manage their own maternal ambivalence. The discussion around internal and external forces that might contribute to the experience of maternal ambivalence that is 'unmanageable', and the defences that might arise out of this, was also enlightening.

I recommend this read to psychotherapists working with mothers and/or young children, as well people interested in discourses around motherhood.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

some great information and reflection in here but a slog to get through. I was frequently bored and would have preferred a simple synopsis to reading the entire book.