Sh!thouse: A Memoir

by Lauren Dollie Duke

Sh! A Memoir is a story of brutal girlhood. Lauren was seven when she helped her step-father boost rum bottles from the local liquor store. The next year, her biological father took her to a hotel room and shot up heroin in the bathroom. The next day he robbed a bank with a finger gun! When he was released from prison, he moved into Lauren’s basement. They spent the weekends smoking cartons of cigarettes, diving into dumpsters and swindling used cars. Lauren’s upbringing provided her with only one lens through which she saw herself – shame. And that shame overflowed into every aspect of her life.  In this compassionate and gritty real-life fairytale the author, Lauren Dollie Duke, shows how it’s possible for good people to do bad things and what it takes to create peace with where you come from in order to find true happiness.  This raw and humorous account about trauma, transcendence and resilience challenges the binary of good vs. evil. It lays out the evolution of shame psychology and intergenerational trauma seeking to answer the question of how we unravel ourselves from the history and patterns of our families. Sh!thouse will make you want to investigate your own historical patterns, examine all of your relationships, and forgive everyone, including yourself.It’s a tether to our shared humanity which reminds us there is belonging in the world no matter how horrific it was to start. It is a beautifully written map that draws back to the personal root of where sabotaging behavior, shame and limitation is born.

300 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 11, 2022

Reviews

[Deborah Hagler Wong · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book when told of all the familiar places the author referenced in her memoir. I grew up in Pacifica, and lived for many years in Moss Beach, so figured it would be fun to check it out. Once I read the first chapter, I realized that those places weren’t the only thing that was familiar. I could identify with some of Lauren’s accounts of her childhood traumas and family dysfunction, though, to quote Leo Tolstoy, "All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I never had the courage to write about my own story - who wants to live through that, again? - but somehow Lauren found the courage, and perhaps the need to share her account, to help herself and others.
Some of the incidents with Lauren's father and stepfather - interchangeable for the reader, as they both share similar traits, smells (cigarettes, alcohol) and ways of speaking - read like grittier scenes from the film: “Paper Moon”. Lauren's mother is emotionally absent, except for periodic rages. She is verbally and physically abusive, so is not a protector; in fact, her mother continues to put her children in harm's way. Once the author was finally on her own, her behavior and choices in her young adult life reflected those formative experiences (as it would with anyone). Eventually, through a triggering event, Lauren finds her way to healing and forgiveness. In spite of the painful theme of this story, Lauren's "Sh!thouse" was an enjoyable read, with vivid and often novel detail in her descriptions. These to me are the hallmark of a gifted storyteller. This memoir could also be helpful for those who need to know that there is hope after getting a less than ideal start in life.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow! What a life! Sh!thouse is the story of Lauren Dollie Duke's extraordinary life surrounded by a lively, criminal, and degenerate cast of characters. LDD's story is so unique and she tells her story vividly. At times, I felt like I could see the characters or that I was watching a movie.
I give Sh!thouse 3 stars because of the story and the characters. I've left 2 stars off because I wasn't a fan of the actual writing. The author uses metaphor liberally throughout the memoir and excessively near the end. There was a new metaphor in every paragraph, which made the writing feel a little juvenile.
This is one of those odd books, I liked and would read again, but I can't give it a high rating.

[Steve Schmitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure what made me buy this book. Maybe it was the creative cover, or the title, but I am so glad I did. Definitely one of my favorites this year. The author lays out her traumatic childhood and early adulthood for all to see, and we can all take lessons from it if we are open to seeing how different people can end up based on their circumstances.

We have all felt down and out. We've all been disappointed in those who are supposed to love us when we feel that love and security isn't there, but the author's life takes this to the extreme. Her memories would be nightmares for most of us. They were for her, and she tells it with poise. I think a lot of us, myself included at times, would read this wondering when she is going to pull herself out of the funk, only to see her fall again and again. Yet she gets up, she wants to go on, and....well you have to read the book to find out what.

This book is just another example of how we should all put the perspectives of others into our lives so that we can be more knowledgeable about how individual circumstances affect the decisions we make. Perhaps that would make all of us a little more empathetic and willing to ask tough questions that could actually help people. Thanks for sharing your story Lauren, I am better for having read it.

[Rita James · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Love and alcohol went together like peanut butter and jelly" If you can relate to this or if you like peanut butter and jelly, you will love this book! It takes you on a journey from early girlhood through womanhood and finally human hood. Visiting painstaking memories of stories that are better left untold, so they say!
Lauren's style of writing and tender story of innocence lost is gripping from the first page to the last. Leaving an indelible impression of one woman's story to uncover her past through personal inquiry. Thus leading to acknowlodgeing shame, generational trauma and finally her own humanity. You will laugh, you will cry, and you may even find as a result of reading this memoir we all have a little shithouse story to tell!

[Natalie C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this read. The author experienced a lot in her life but was able to forge a better path for herself. I really appreciate that she goes beyond saying she was doing better but delves into her therapy, PTSD diagnosis, and talks about how she came around with her mother. I often feel like this upswing can be squeezed into the last couple chapters of the book but this author put thoughtful detail and gave her resilience the space it needed to be told to readers.

[Jackie Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one took a while to get into. However, Lauren's memoir is extremely enlightening. I am glad i hung on. Her battle with terrible parents, PTSD, and finding herself was an eye opener and lots of things are discussed in the last half of the book from a view point of the victim, and how to overcome it. I highly recommend if you've had experience with emotional abuse or secondary neglect.

[Liza E Cicciarelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow!

Lauren Duke’s writing style and the way she tells her story transports you with her to these moments. The emotions she can provoke… some parts are difficult to read, but I consumed this within days.
Such a beautiful ending and a wonderful reminder of how we all have it in us to heal, to grow and to become whole.

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, colorful, and a page turner. I burned through these pages and was laughing, crying and gasping in the first few chapters of this story. Lauren’s writing grips you —and makes you feel like your in the walls of her Sh!thouse. A story of fierce girlhood with an uplifting, breakthrough ending. Highly recommend

[Nicole king · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw and so relatable! Author has a talent with words. I enjoyed this story. It made me reflect on my life.

[Kennedy Dukes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a beautiful and gracious telling of the ways our traumas shape us - whether we want to recognize them or not.

[Susan Mayes]

I feel like I can’t rate a book about someone’s traumatic life events. So no rating from me.

[Teri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eye opening

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

riveting

A wonderfully written memoir of misery and redemption. It was a page turner at every chapter. Loved this book and author!

[Cassandra Thurston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laughed and cried and felt so seen by Lauren's experience as a child and the aftermath of trying to function as an adult after trauma. I love how honest she is about her feelings and experiences. She provided words for so many things I've felt and experienced. I immediately gave this book to my sister, who endured our childhood alongside me in the early years. This book provides hope to those who've endured shit they shouldn't have had to and are trying to make sense of it in hindsight and use it for good.