The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul

by Connie Zweig, Harry R. Moody (Foreword)

• 2022 Coalition of Visionary Resources Gold Award • 2022 Nautilus Gold Award • Award Winner in the Aging/50+ category of the 2021 Best Book Awards sponsored by American Book Fest • Award Winner in Aging and Gerontology category of the 2021 Best Indie Book Award • Offers shadow-work and many diverse spiritual practices to help you break through denial to awareness, move from self-rejection to self-acceptance, repair the past to be fully present, and allow mortality to be a teacher • Reveals how to use inner work to uncover and explore the unconscious denial and resistance that erupts around key thresholds of later life • Includes personal interviews with prominent Elders, including Ken Wilber, Krishna Das, Fr. Thomas Keating, Anna Douglas, James Hollis, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Ashton Applewhite, Roshi Wendy Nakao, Roger Walsh, and Stanislav Grof With extended longevity comes the opportunity for extended personal growth and spiritual development. You now have the chance to become an Elder, to leave behind past roles, shift from work in the outer world to inner work with the soul, and become authentically who you are. This book is a guide to help get past the inner obstacles and embrace the hidden spiritual gifts of age. Offering a radical reimagining of age for all generations, psychotherapist and bestselling author Connie Zweig reveals how to use inner work to uncover and explore the unconscious denial and resistance that erupts around key thresholds of later life, attune to your soul’s longing, and emerge renewed as an Elder filled with vitality and purpose. She explores the obstacles encountered in the transition to wise Elder and offers psychological shadow-work and diverse spiritual practices to help you break through denial to awareness, move from self-rejection to self-acceptance, repair the past to be fully present, reclaim your creativity, and allow mortality to be a teacher. Sharing contemplative practices for selfreflection, she also reveals how to discover ways to share your talents and wisdom to become a force for change in the lives of others. Woven throughout with wisdom from prominent Elders, including Ken Wilber, Krishna Das, Father Thomas Keating, Anna Douglas, James Hollis, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Ashton Applewhite, Roshi Wendy Egyoku Nakao, Roger Walsh, and Stanislav Grof, this book offers tools and guidance to help you let go of past roles, expand your identity, deepen self-knowledge, and move through these life passages to a new stage of awareness, choosing to be fully real, transparent, and free to embrace a fulfilling late life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Psychology, Self Help, Health, Philosophy, Personal Growth

422 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 7, 2021

About the author

I'm co-author Meeting the Shadow, Romancing the Shadow. My award-winning book, THE INNER WORK OF AGE: SHIFTING FROM ROLE TO SOUL, extends shadow-work into midlife and beyond and explores aging as a spiritual practice.
It won three book awards!

MEETING THE SHADOW ON THE SPIRITUAL PATH: The Dance of Darkness and Light in our Journey to Awakening is available now. If you experienced religious abuse or spiritual disillusionment, you can find guidance here and rekindle your inspiration.

Meeting the Shadow on the Spiritual Path:
https://www.amazon.com/Meeting-Shadow...

Inner Work of Age is available here:
Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...

BarnesandNoble.com: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-...

indibound.org: https://www.indiebound.org/book/97816... (if you prefer independent bookstores)

I'm blogging excerpts at http://medium.com/@conniezweig

If you want to read either book in an online group,
email me at conniezweig@gmail.com

Reviews

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently turned 65 and it is becoming more and more apparent to me that I am in this “aging” category. I have read some books on this topic, but this one has met might needs much more than any other. The author offers practices from shadow work and spiritual contemplative traditions, And this alone makes this book stand out from all the other books on aging available right now. I am finding the ideas and activities presented here to be making a profound difference in my own journey into “aging.” I especially found relevant the chapter on moving from the hero’s journey into the elder’s journey.

I Will definitely be purchasing this book when it’s released so that I can re-read it, and highlight it to my heart’s content!

Thanks to NetGalley, the author and publisher for an advanced reading copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Dori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent, deep, challenging - not for the feint of heart and recommend that it is read with others as some of the concepts come alive when discussed out loud. Best book I’ve read on how one can live the last chapters of life.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eliminate all simple carbohydrates
Eliminate processed foods
Increase vegetables
Meditate for 20 minutes each day
Sleep over 7 hours each night
Take vitamin B, D, Fish Oil and CoQ10 daily
use an electric toothbrush
Fast for a minimum twelve hours between dinner and breakfast
Fast for a minimum three hours between dinner and bedtime
Exercise for a minimum of thirty minutes, four to six days a week

Look for a spiritual solution through a wise and compassionate guide who provides belief's, practices and rules to live by

May I be generous.
May I cultivate integrity and respect.
May I be patient and see clearly the suffering of others.
May I be energetic, steadfast, and wholehearted.
May I cultivate a calm and inclusive mind and heart so I can compassionately serve all beings.
May I nurture wisdom and impart the benefit of any insights I have to others.

What do I need to complete my life story so that I can live now as a soul?
What transmissions of wisdom remain to be offered.?
Practice remembering who I am versus my ideas of who I am.
What do I need to complete so that I can die as a soul?

[Eugene Kernes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book acts as a practical guide to do the inner work of age. To know how to orient oneself when faced or facing age. To do inner work of self-reflection that facilitates awareness and overcoming inner obstacles. Humans used to have shorter life spans with many years of decline and loss of capacities. But now humans have an extended life span with decades of good health until sudden decline before death. Cultural messages and media marketing discriminate against age, or are ageist. Projecting negative stereotypes of elderly as frail, senile, or needy. This is a devaluation of elders who have obtained a lifetime of skill and wisdom. Elders have a bountiful of experience. Which can be shared and be used by future generations.

The early 20th and 21st century culture has no guides for transitioning to older years and becoming Elders. Denying reality is easy in an anti-aging culture, until the problems drag the individual to the inevitable reality. Aging has complex and opposite dimensions such as freedom and dependency, vitality and fatigue, gains and losses, beginnings and endings. Aging is different in different bodies and different cultures, but eventually, the fate of the human being is death.

Neither the promises or perils to aging should be denied, as focusing on either or places the other into a blind spot. The gifts and struggles allow for developmental possibilities and overcoming challenges. It is an age that is unnamed, making it difficult to discuss and conceptualize. Becoming an Elder needs a rite of passage, to make it a conscious process. People’s longevity increased, but with it changed the form and meaning of life, and changed how communities and families develop. Teaching and passing on that experience allowed everyone to benefit from the experience.

Creativity does not end in youth. The wisdom, longing, and mortality awareness provide powerful ingredients for creative thought. Work ageism dictates that older worker are less productive, harder to teach, and cost more. But turns out that there are many benefits to having older workers as they can be high performing in many ways, and create stability. Many people want to keep working because it gives them meaning, purpose, and structure. Some cannot afford to retire. Companies founded by older people have a much higher chance to be successful.

Because of the negative stereotypes, the elderly themselves choose to act as if they are younger. Being a target of ageism affects health, more so when the ageist is internalized. Culture has segregated age. From a lack of mutigenerational homes to young, middle-age, and older people not sharing any time together because they inhabit different places. There is a lot of efficiency in having mutigenerational homes. Sharing time together also shares experiences. The age segregation means that elders are often not seen and become very lonely. Loneliness creates negative health outcomes.

Aging is sometimes seen as either being successful vs failed, which results in self-blame and shame when the individual does not live up to society’s standards. The perceived failures of aging such as illness, needs to be placed in context of its complexity and mystery. The emotional, social, existential, and spiritual dimensions of a person’s life should not be ignored when they are ill, while conventional language adds more suffering to illness by ignoring those dimensions.

The Shadow is a reference to the subconscious. Containing the traits and feelings that are rejected or unacceptable. But because so much is buried in the Shadow, it also contains many valuable hidden gifts and talents. Denial of age through various means prevents development by creating internal obstacles. Resisting transition prevents the discovery of hidden power in late life. Those inner obstacles need to be handled internally, to age from the inside out. By consciously examining denial, an individual can live in the present. Reinvention from the outside in can create the same persona but in new roles.

Psychological and spiritual practices facilitate a discovery of human development. It’s not about what is or is not done. It’s about the process of getting things done. The state of mind arising from the inner work of age. Releasing former heroic efforts and values, wounds and regrets, allows the individual to understand from a higher vantage. Discovering renewed purpose and meaning which creates a transition from Hero to Elder. It requires effort to shift from role to soul. Cultivating the Elder by intentional inner work. This means freedom from the past, having a presence, awareness of shadow, and service to the common good.

Obstacles to finding the hidden values include being unaware of internal ageism by denying age. Being beholden to former values which are no longer appropriate, lack self-reflection, ignoring physical or cognitive symptoms which prevent opportunities for self-care, regret or victimize personal history are all signs of the inner ageist. Denial of age, illness, and death prevent triggers for change. The messengers of age, illness, and death provide awareness of nature’s fragility and the quality of time. They reorient priorities to what is essential, and away from the trivial. Values that are gifts of mortality awareness.

Keys to value are hiding in darkness, beneath awareness. The three qualities of awareness are shadow, pure, and mortality. Awareness of the shadows results in self-knowledge about missed opportunities that can be used. Pure awareness comes about through reflection and silence. A way and place to calm the noisy mind. Resulting in recovery and rejuvenation of the mind. The preciousness of life and available time only comes about after looking at death. Death can be a teacher, if the individual allows it to be.

A life review facilitates seeing from deep and wide vantage. It can help release the past and allow the individual to live in the moment. Self-reflection that increased insight, and allows the repair the past and pass on what was learned.

Each chapter contains shadow character, and practices that can be guideposts on the way to becoming away of the shadows and living a more fulfilling life. The practices need to customized for what the reader resonates with, but also to avoid customizing them for dogma, projection, and other sacrifices of essential parts that make individual.

Although the book is going against ageism there is a bit of ageism in it. There are many attributes which are given to the Elders, but focusing on only the Elders, it appears that the attributes apply only to Elders. The lessons from aging and generally this book, can be applied no matter one’s age. There seems to be a lot of requirements and obstacle to become an Elders. The attributes seem virtues, but they may not be fully applicable to everyone. The obstacles seem like vices, but they can enable many positive outcomes given the context. Another problem with the book is assuming that being an Elder means having a lot of experience that can be shared. But just having experience does not make it in and of itself useful. Experience needs to be put in appropriate context. Relating experience may be completely inappropriate given that it comes from a different time and context. This can be overcome by sharing values which leads to an understanding appropriate context.

[Debbie Owens · Rating 3 out of 5]

While it had a couple of ideas to hang onto, it was dense and difficult to read. I read it for a book club. My recommendation is to catch her on YouTube, which also seemed to be the same opinion of the 20ish others in the book club.

[Kerri D · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a lot. The rating is only because maybe I’m not in the mood for a bunch of shadow work. We read this for ripening book club. It’s a book I’ll go back to tho.

[Jim Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A densely written but highly illuminating book about reconciling ourselves with the inevitability of age, illness and death. It’s not really a book to read in linear fashion but more of a guide or workbook with passages to reflect on and absorb at random.

Having read some Jungian psychology over the years, I do find the idea of a shadow self a compelling one. There are constantly voices in our heads repeating negative messages in our ears - in this case about getting older. But rather than trying to shut them down Jungians like Zweig suggest engaging with them (‘romancing’ them) so that their power over us is brought down to size.

I also like her idea of shifting from ‘role to soul’ as we enter old age - in other words, letting go of the external striving that marks most of our lives and focusing more on inner growth and mindfulness in our later years.

The most insightful quote in the whole book is one I remember encountering from Bertrand Russell years ago when I read his autobiography:

“Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river — small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being.”

That sums up the positive view of how we should age- we are letting go of ego and becoming part of a bigger whole. This brings a unique and quieter perspective on life. A book to come back to again and again.

[Rick Weber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took my time reading this book. I underlined extensively, and I wrote in the margins. When I was finished reading, I reviewed all my notations. I probably gained some wisdom, but it's not apparent to me yet. I'll keep the book as a reference, along with other similar books of the same genre. As an aside, had I realized that Connie Zweig was a fan of Ken Wilber, I wouldn't have read her book because Ken Wilber's book, "A Brief History of Everything," is the only book that I haven't finished in the last six years since I retired, mostly because I consider his book to be gobbledygook.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book challenges us to look at ourselves and it is a powerful affirmation of our soul-full connectedness. The journaling is hard for me, i.e. to slow down, to take a break from “doing” and from my internal chatter, but I see the wisdom and peace possible, just outside my reach. I hope more people read this book and become Elders.

[JoAnn · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I read this year, I just had to leave a review! One of best books I’ve read on aging, personal growth, and spiritual development. I would give it more than five stars if I could. A must read, especially for those entering the last quarter of their life.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book met me in a profound way. As I consider retirement in the next few years, the concept of role to soul really resonated with me. Connie Zweig covered so many aspects of meaningfully growing older, I had to put the book down every couple of pages to think about what I had just read. So grateful for her teachings. Curiosity, love, service, and gratitude are the qualities to be cultivated.

[Susan Zizza Maguire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Covers all the bases with heart and soul. Ageism is insidiously (as well as overtly!) ingrained in us. I’ll be revisiting many chapters in this book many times.

[Prudence · Rating 2 out of 5]

Way too new agey for me. I wanted real, honest, down to earth insight into the aging process and the entrance into a new phase of life. Too many guru, swamis and shamans stuff. I used to have more patience for this philosophy when I was younger. Now I am looking for more factual, scientific based knowledge. I've done all the meditation, yoga, etc I was hoping for something more down to earth. A lot of this sounds like wishful thinking.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting concepts and exercises but so much repetition.

[Carol Dix · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had to return to library, so didn't finish. This was recommended to me by friends in my women's group, but it didn't grab me - the message yes, the writing less so.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book for those over 60 looking for a way to find new meaning as they age.

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to start on the journey of giving up ego-purpose driven roles to an eldering life of soul. I love how the author brings in contemplative spirituality including practices. She talks about the importance of shadow work/awareness, pure awareness of the oneness of all and mortality awareness - three important parts of the work that people often are afraid to face -- but I am ready. Zweig is an Jungian therapist and is deep into Jungian shadow work - the unfaced separate parts of ourselves that often surface in times of stress or conflict. There are tons of exercises in the book including a thorough life review. I was intrigued with shadow work but not sure I could fully understand how to detect the shadow without some sort of help. I should say that I wrote the author and she gave me some suggestions of people I could work with who do Jungian shadow work. So many of us on the spiritual path are guilty of spiritual bypassing and foregoing the deep emotional work that is needed for a whole life. I think of yogis and gurus who play out their own hidden dramas even if they have attained a high level of cosmic awareness. I have a friend who has been on plenty of psychedelic journeys, touched the power of oneness through practices but yells at his mother and is not often kind. As Zweig writes on pg. 186: " We can have a mystical experience at any stage of development. But if we have no guidance and no practice to heal our early emotional wounds, that energy is not digested. If you have high graces and mystical unions, but other lines of development are incomplete, then the shadow will appear even as you move forward spiritually."

So really the path towards "Soul" or as Rebbe Zalman calls it, "sage-ing" is really a three pronged approach at internal exploration of the shadow, encountering mortality and pure awareness/contemplative practice to touch the holy in the world. I loved this book! I got it out of the library and I would suggest buying the book so you can underline it and spend time digesting and returning to the text.

[Jt O'Neill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a tough one to review. I am only slightly familiar with many of the ideas presented and often I felt overwhelmed and unclear with the information being given. However, there was clearly something of value in the words on the page. I had initially taken it from the library but ended up buying my own copy because I wanted to be able to mark passages and pages. It's the kind of book that I will come back to later, as life unfolds and I am trying to make sense of it all. To be honest, it's also the kind of book that I would prefer to read as part of some kind of shared reading experience - a book group or some other kind of shared reading opportunity. There were ideas presented that I would have liked to bounce around with other readers so I could more fully apply the concepts to my own life.

Essentially, Ms Zweig asks the reader to move from the productive, accomplishment based days of life into a more contemplative, reflective "elder" period of life. She gives guidance and encouragement to the reader to complete a life review and then to use that information to make stronger spiritual connections. Again, the language was not always accessible for me but that was the first time through. Perhaps over time it will make more sense. If you are in the last quarter of your life or are simply curious about that time of life, then this might be a book that would capture your attention. It's especially valuable if you are open to seeing life in its fullness and not just as a race to be productive and busy.

[John Everard Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must admit I have not finished this book yet, but it is a book I will be reading and working with for quite a while. It is an important addition to a long list of books about aging. Her contribution to the understanding of the aging process is to suggest that the work of "late age" is to do a life review and come to understand the ego and the shadow and how they get in the way of aging well.

This is a teaching and a workbook. The easy part is nodding our head at the teaching; the hard part is working with the questions she poses to get us to identify the "inner ageist". e.g. What is it in us that resists getting old? Our whole culture is geared to staying young. Thinking young. Looking young. Acting young. The work of retirement or late age is to allow ourselves to grow into who we are when we are not being productive or active like we were 30. Why do we resist giving up our work and settling into a new way of being appropriate to our age and situation.

She introduces the book very well in the first chapters and in a second part of the book directs us in a life review. This is a book to be lived with and worked with until we find the freedom to be of late age and find our identity and life to be lived in a new way.

[MaryL · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a thoughtful guide to aging. Most people who I have known grow older in, at best, a thoughtless way, and, at worst, in a state of denial. Aging well, with serenity and good feelings, is hard. One idea from this book that will stick with me is the idea that your soul has been on a lifelong journey to shed the trap of the ego. Well, maybe not a lifelong journey. Our egos came into being when we were very young and served a good purpose. Our egos helped us to conform to those around us and helped us to perform our roles in life and get things done. The author Connie Zweig calls our roles in our school and working years "the hero's journey." Now that we are retired we are moving from "role to soul." This book has a lot of self-reflective exercises and journaling exercises. It would have taken me more than a year to finish this book if I had taken time to complete all the exercises. I made myself a promise that I will pick up this book again and again to contemplate and to work on the exercises. It is a useful guide to help a person understand their end of life journey.

[janne Boswell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book immensely. I took notes. I thought the Author did an excellent job with a very dry subject. I enjoyed her personal perspectives, as well as the various intellectuals she pulled in to provide their opinions.
Some highlights I enjoyed:
"the shift from role to soul", "reinvent ourselves, from the inside out", "a life review should be backwards, forwards, above and beneath", "welcome fears into awareness; they lose energy and their impact on us."
The only criticism I have, is that the book could have been shorter. I thought the information was continually reformatted and amplified over and over to the point where it became redundant.
jb
https://seniorbooklounge.blogspot.com/

[Daria · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book takes the reader on a journey of mental explorations of aging. Parts of the books meanderings are thoughtful questions and conclusions on life as lived specifically by the author. However, there are moments referring to various well know writers that connect to the perusings of Zweig's mind.
The book is limited to the concepts and perceptions of the authors life and the experiences within that life which are typical of a woman in her aging years who grew up in a standard church going era. This dragged on as the author navigated the slow current of the very generation related search for meaning. One can only hope she finds understanding and awareness in her own life somewhere along the way.

[Marianne Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an interesting read for me here at age almost 60. I definitely don’t think I would read it if I was any younger, simply because it talks a lot about the end of life. But I like the practices she suggests for dealing with these spiritual and emotional loose ends that often come to the surface in later life, the things you think you’ve dealt with when they’re still lurking under the surface. She talks a lot about the Jungian concept of the shadow. This is something that I think we can all relate to, especially in relationships. Not everyone is going to enjoy the metaphysical nature of this book. However, if you’re interested in meditation, Buddhism, rather eastern aspects of spirituality and practices, this is right up your alley.

[Barb Cherem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the finest books on aging that I've read, but I could only give it a 4 star due to its difficulty in reading. It is not a smooth and easy read, but hold gems of insights and exercises, and hits on the most profound advice in a aging which is the movement from our roles in life, to the inner work of aging, which is the "soul's" work, that is the shadow work and the emotional, social and service work that's required of an actual Elder, as opposed to just chronicling getting older. I greatly enjoyed its wisdom and utilized it a lot as a resource in a class on Elderhood that we developed and taught for our local OSHER (senior learning)..

[Gary Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must admit that contemplating aging and “official” retirement has not been an emotionally easy path. The shadow of work and usefulness has been heavy. Connie Zweig’s book has helped me to remember that the tools exist to support navigating the journey. This book has been like a whack on the side of my head for me. My favorite parenting book is Parenting from the Inside Out. Every stage of growth and endeavor entails inside out work. Moving from "Role to Soul" no different. This book is a wonderful guide to that work.

[Neil Purcell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Almost quit this book several times along the way. I "read" the audiobook, which means that the narrator (Kristy Gill) is a factor in this review, and not a positive one. Her narration, like her writing style, is kind of weird - a mix of some eastern spirituality and Jungian psychology terms and concepts that combined to add a layer of unhelpful ambiguity to what might have been a more helpful text on a very practical challenge for people like me. I have to admit I found some of Zweig's insights useful, but overall this was a slog. Maybe it will work for someone else, but not my cup of tea.

[Jacobscj · Rating 5 out of 5]

A slow read as I read it each morning attempting to absorb the framework of the author’s challenge to the reader. I took some time to reflect on the shadow work at the end of each chapter along with the spiritual practices. I appreciated the author’s inclusion of all spiritual practices as there is no “right way”. Additionally, for those of us who were dreamers in the 60’s recognizing that some dreams were realized for a period of time but now have now faded, it is time to pass the dreams on to a younger generation.

[Karen J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

She doesn't really say anything new; however, she pulls together all the other voices arguing that aging is a time to connect with your soul. She also says it with great passion and many exercises for self-discovery--finding your true self, your soul.
I found it a bit repetitious and preachy at times, that's why I gave it four instead of five stars. The author will be on her soap box with no examples of how to do what she is imploring you to do.
All in all, I am glad I read it. It adds to my reading of many other fine books on the subject.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I struggled with transitioning into retirement, and this book helped me immensely. I hadn't considered how to change purposefully and this book worked as a guide for me. I am not ready for the end yet, but I am working on accepting that the end will come. I journaled a lot while reading this, and gained some insight. I recommend it to everyone wondering about different life stages. After all, we are all going in this direction.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Much to think about in this book: aging, wisdom, contemplation & meditation, and traditions to embrace the changes of life. Drawing on psychology, especially Junian, and many spiritual practices, Zweig challenges the reader to do inner work, to explore the shadow self, to become whole. Practical exercises end each chapter, many that would take lots of thinking and soul searching to complete.

A book to return to, to ponder over, to challenge us as we live our lives.