The Grief Handbook: A guide through the worst days of your life

by Bridget McNulty

The Grief Handbook provides guidance from someone who has been there. Bridget McNulty lost her mum suddenly, and found herself unexpectedly amongst the chaos of grief while bringing up small children. She couldn't find the support that she needed, so she created this handbook. This is for those who are grieving: an honest exploration into the worst thing that can happen to you.

The handbook offers practical tools, including:
- Your "laundry list" – bare essentials for how to get through the early days
- Grief first-aid kit – Instant strategies to help you feel better. How to communicate what you need to those around you.
- Interactive activities – Journaling space and written activities, which can make the handbook bespoke to the reader's experience.

There is no "one size fits all" approach. Bridget McNulty shows us that the best we can do is understand our emotions, tune into our needs and communicate with those around us. The loneliness of bereavement can take its toll on mental health. This book provides support and guidance. Move through the stages of grief with self-compassion and emotional agility withThe Grief Handbook.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Self Help, Psychology

160 pages, Paperback

First published July 13, 2021

About the author

Bridget McNulty is a writer, diabetes advocate and the CEO and Co-founder of Sweet Life, a non-profit focused on empowering South Africans with diabetes through education and community.

She is also the internationally published author of 3 books, the recently published Daily Glimmers: The art of finding tiny joys every day of the year, and before that The Grief Handbook: A guide through the worst days of your life, and the novel Strange Nervous Laughter.

She lives in Cape Town, South Africa, with her husband, son and daughter, and loves nothing more than a cup of tea and a good book - preferably somewhere green and leafy.

Find out more at www.bridgetmcnulty.com

Reviews

[BookNightOwl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative and easy to read

[Sophie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok so I was really mixed on this book.

It was predominantly based on the authors personal experience of the loss of her mum, which made it more relatable and real.

However, it felt like she sometimes wouldn’t stick to her own preachings. I would read one chapter talking about how grief looks different for everyone, with a few pages further on saying that the First Year is the worst (“it’s true”), therefore, assuming what was the worst for her is also worst for everyone. However, equally, earlier in the book she talked about grief hitting people at different times - so it just felt like there wasn’t consistency.

The book is not suitable really for people still suffering with grief after several years, as it is clearly written aimed at people who have just lost someone important very recently.

There was comments in the book that made me uncomfortable and assumed everyone’s grief was the same, despite the author saying we are all different … yeah, not great!

As someone who lost my Mum aged 51 (I was 19), this book didn’t help me at all. However, if you are in recent stages of loss it may help a little, but don’t expect anything new or exciting from it.

[Samantha Paterson (Magic.between.pages_za) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I lost my dad a little over a month ago and it's been the hardest time of my life. I have lost people before but loosing a parent hits so much harder. To realize that you will never see them again broke my heart. I cry everyday for all of the regret and guilt of not spending enough time with him. For wasting the little time we had (we didn't know he was sick, we had 1 month from the day of diagnosis till the day he passed). The anger at him being taken from us and the unfairness of the whole situation.

I've sat with my feelings and internalized my grief, I haven't really spoken to anyone about how I've been feeling and I can feel the heaviness of it all the time.

I was gifted a copy of The grief handbook by @msbridgetmcnulty and it couldn't have come at a better time. It's filled with real life advice, from someone who has gone through this horrible experience and you can tell it's from the heart.

If you've lost someone and struggling to cope, do yourself a favor and pick up this book. It's available on Takealot right now.

[Inah (Fueled By Chapters) · Rating 4 out of 5]

was looking for something to navigate my emotions as i recently lost my mom. this book was deeply relatable and i found comfort while reading it

[Pipa · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘What’s the story of your love, rather than the story of your grief?’

I was granted early access to this book courtesy of NetGalley - thank you! - and it was the book I didn’t realise I needed. This is a journal-cum-memoir that explains the many complexities of grief, through snapshots from professionals, reflection exercises and personal anecdotes from the author (who sadly lost her mum).

Throughout the pandemic, I lost 4 people I loved - most notably my father, under traumatic circumstances - and this book has been extremely helpful in helping me to pinpoint the emotions I felt at the time, and those that I continue to experience now, months later. What I found particularly helpful was the discussion around ‘complicated grief’ - grief which, for whatever reason, is disrupted (for me, the pandemic and having very recently started a new job had consequences that I am still unpicking). I wish that I’d had this book to read and work through in those first few days and months.

I don’t often read self-help books but this one jumped out at me. Perhaps an unconscious part of me knew it was necessary to delve into those painful places.

What I loved most about this book was the emphasis of non-judgement throughout. Everyone grieves differently and the non-linear nature of it is frequently referenced. It felt like a safe space in which to explore those emotions. What also helped was having the personal accounts of the author to also refer to; I found myself completely empathising with everything she said (especially the terrible wave of grief seven months later - a place I’m at currently!) Our situations were so different, but in many ways very much similar too, which is so comforting. Grief is an unfortunate eventuality for all of us; it is common, despite how alienating it can feel at its darkest points.

Overall, I’d recommend this to anyone who has experienced a close personal bereavement. However, I think this is also good for those with someone close to them going through a bereavement; addressing well-meaning but ultimately harmful adages (such as anything beginning with ‘at least’, as beautifully and concisely worded in here) provides a helpful tool for those wanting to comfort others in their times of need.

[Keisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book serves as a handbook during one of the most difficult times one can ever experience. I appreciated the stories from Bridget about what she was experiencing at the time she was going through her initial stages of grief. I think that it's very important to read about (or even talk about) someone else's experiences so you know that you are not alone or so that you can prepare yourself for what's to come in the future. I think that this book would be very helpful for anyone who is grieving and doesn't quite know how to cope or if they are feeling alone.

Also, as a med student, I think I deal with definitions and theory that can be quite complicated. I've learned about Complicated Grief and The Stages of Grieving and I know alot about them but I appreciated having these concepts explained in such a simple and easy way. I know that these concepts will be easy to understand for someone and it helped me to remember to simplify my explanations as well.

The workbook/exercise component was also a really good touch! I think that writing some thing down can be very cathartic but it can also help you to take your mind off of things, especially when you're very deep in the throes of grief. Overall, I think that this is a very great handbook and I'd definitely recommend it for anyone who may be grieving or struggling with the loss of a loved one.

Thank you so much for sending this my way! I'll be sure to cherish this book for years to come ✨🌸

[Fred Roed · Rating 4 out of 5]

I lost my mother in 2016. We received the diagnosis of oesophageal cancer in May that year. My mom died 9 weeks later. It was sudden and brutal. The month before that fatal phone call, we'd been having coffee at Muizenberg beach with my kids. We'd gone for a long walk in the mountains. In those weeks before the nightmare, my mom had been feisty and charming and somewhat cantankerous, just like she'd always been. Then, suddenly, she was gone. Life has a way of slapping you in the face sometimes. My mom's death was tragic and horrible and agonizing to endure - and frankly, I never really dealt with it properly. Like Bridget, I was also close to my own mom. She was a significant influence on my life and most of my primary character traits are inherited directly from her. I empathise with so many of the messages in Bridget's book. The writing helped me to revisit some of the emotions that I needed to feel and articulate the feelings that I needed to capture. Bridget is honest and open in her own story, which helped me with my own vulnerability. At the same time, the exercises that Bridget suggests are gentle and considerate (and helpful). I wish someone had given me this book back in 2016. That said, it's five years now and 'The Grief Handbook' has helped me to face the grief that I still hold in a compassionate and practical way. Thank you to the author for this work. I hope it has brought you some respite - as much as it will no doubt assist the legions of people who buy it.

[Connie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book for review, via Netgalley, with thanks to the publisher and Netgalley.

This book is exactly what it says on the tin. A step by step conversation of grief. The worst-case scenarios when the worst has already happened and the author's own experiences with loss. Grief can feel very isolating sometimes, so I feel that books such as this are particularly poignant in highlighting that you are not alone in this, even if it feels like it. Following my mum's death earlier this year, I was struggling to put into words what I was feeling and at multiple points in this book did I find myself going "Yes! That is it exactly". This book is very well written, it's easy to read and it doesn't feel patronising or condescending in any way, which is never what you want when reading about such a difficult topic. I really enjoyed that this book doesn't encourage you to find beauty or peace in the pain and simply acknowledges that everything is shit, and that is okay.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very mildly helpful with my recent grief. It really just reads like a todo list with some random quotes thrown in. The handbook/workbook format does not work well with ebooks in my opinion. I can’t really say I found this overly helpful, it some of the themes gave me more to expand on. So I’d say it’s a good jumping off point if your grief is new.

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom died one week ago. I found this short little book to be helpful in dealing with my current emotions and I think it will also be helpful as I move through the next stages of grief. I liked that there is no religion.

[Karina Szczurek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, insightful and very practicle. Thank you.

[Gillian Attwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book fascinating and real. Beautifully put together.

[Beryl Eichenberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘One day at a time’ is the inscription in my copy of ‘The Grief Handbook’ by Bridget McNulty, never more apt in this grieving world that we have been plunged into. But this is an intensely personal and empathetic guide for anyone who has lost a loved one at any time. COVID has meant there are very few who have not suffered devastating loss in some form or another. How does one deal with this? Put on a brave face and go about your business? Curl up in a corner and isolate yourself as you cry yourself out? Each individual will handle grief differently and it is this that makes McNulty’s book so important. It is a guide through the worst days of your life. And one that’ will take you by the hand and offer empathy and compassion’.

Grief is a mixture of emotions – a process - for McNulty the book came about as she struggled to come to terms with the sudden loss of her mother. With two small children, a husband, grieving father and siblings the person who had been at the pivot of their lives was gone leaving a huge void. For McNulty the support she needed just didn’t seem to be there and she was confronted with emotions and loneliness that seemed to be insurmountable.

Coping seemed to be almost impossible but we do cope during the very worst times of our lives: ‘We keep breathing. We keep eating. We keep sleeping. We keep walking, one step at a time, in the hope that one day we will emerge from the worst thing. ‘

And it is this journey that the handbook takes you on. Acknowledging we are all unique and that there are no rules for grief – we will each find our way through it in our own time – McNulty gives practical advice, from personal experience and psychological insights. She brings in quotes from writers who too, have made this journey. As she traces the path of her own grief and how she devised ways of coping this little book has developed into a beautifully interactive volume that understands, suggests but never insists. Activities to distract, rituals and safe spaces where you can let it all out; and all the time there is the gentle support of her helping hand. As a writer and journalist writing was obviously a salve but you don’t need to be a writer to just put on paper how you are feeling – journaling has a cleansing effect. There is the physicality to be dealt with, the fear of breaking down in public, whatever it is you feel or do is totally normal. ‘You do grief the way that works for you.’

As a reader I was reminded of my own personal losses down the years and how I wish i had had this handbook to help me on my way. ‘The Grief Handbook’ resonated deeply and will do to so many. Thank you for being there in the midst of your own loss.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grief is such a strange thing. It is the most universal experience - the one thing that unites us all, no matter our culture or colors or beliefs. And yet, at the same time is the most unique and personal experience.

The opening of The Grief Handbook, A Guide Through The Worst Days Of Your Life.

Honestly no one wants to grieve, yet at some point we have to because that's the price we pay for loving someone. And that's life we all will one day breath our last breath. Leaving behind our loved ones to carry on without us. But no one teaches you or tells you how to grief, how to carry on... I didn't know you could mess up grieving till I did and this book came just in time.

I felt like I had no idea what I was feeling until this book was placed in my hand and it felt like all my thoughts, fears and honest raw emotions where on paper. A beautifully written guide on grieving. Covering so many topics, thoughts and the spaces in between.

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for an honest and raw guide on grief. Great for those who know someone who might be grieving and a better understanding of what they may be feeling and going through.

This one gets all the stars for me. It made me cry buckets but in a good healthy healing way. Thank you Bridget McNulty.

[Michele Coleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not big on self help books or guides because face it, I may read it but I have a hard time living it. They all sound good on paper but asking me to follow? That being said The Grief Handbook is not a traditional guide or advice book. The author admits herself she's not a grief counselor but she knows grief. What I found in her book was her own honest look at her personal losses, how they affected her, how she recognized her grief and how she learned to move on. She gives feelings and moments that everyone has experienced before at some point.
During this year of Covid when we all have lost a friend or loved one it's sometimes comforting to read someones thoughts that may reflect or uplift our own. I found the chapter on Complicated Grief very interesting and really helps to understand so much of myself personally. For anyone struggling with what you may feel are some of the worst days of your life I recommend just sitting down and experiencing Bridget McNulty's book and hopefully finding a small amount of solace.
"Grief isn't something to 'get over', but a loss to honour and live with. This gentle book shows us how." and that about describes it best.

[Haya Dodokh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so sorry if you need this book.

“I suspected my mum was sick and I worried it was cancer. And it was.”
I lost my mom to cancer (ALL) on the 30th of March 2017.
I’ve read many books about motherless daughters, and those books were really helpful at that time but God how I wish this was printed earlier.

I picked this book after 5 years, 4 months and 16 days of losing my mom. Because I still feel lost in my grief, sure I can handle it better now, but the pain and agony are still present. And I’m glad I read it now. it was like a hug in the form of a book.

being a motherless daughter for years now, I highly recommend this book!
This is useful guide to those grieving as well as those who don't know what to say to those grieving.

This is the book I needed to read in the first few weeks of my grief.
This is Bridget’s personal experience with expert psychological insight.
This is also a journal where u can write your thoughts, color and interact with the book.
I remember how I used to buy a coloring books because it was a stress-relief mechanism.
This is the good cry I needed today!

[Misty Fields · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of The Grief Handbook from Watkins Media. I'm grateful that I did and I highly recommend it to grievers. The book is written in an approachable and easy to read style - it will not overwhelm those who are fresh in their grief. There's a section that talks about symptoms of grief. It's comforting for those going through this experience, and all the emotions it brings, to know they are not alone. The activities are well-placed and easy to do. They help clarify your emotions and keep you mindful - so important when we are grieving. If you're looking for a book to keep on your nightstand or to give to a friend or loved one suffering loss, this book is a great choice. It truly can help you through the worst days of your life.

[Milicze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Particularly enjoyed the pragmatic perspective. It' not an abstract, etheral, philosphical, spiritual approach to grief. And as to be expected, writing the "guide" is itself therapy for author's own journey. I read this thinking to "prepare" myself for the next inevitable experience. I think the highest value and impact would be to read this while one is in the midst of one of these experiences. From another perspective, it did provide me with sage insight and resources to better equip me to understand and hopefully improve? my ability to offer support to those I cherish as they step though the grief experience.

[Leona · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m sorry for anyone needing this book - it’s a rough journey. The author talks about her personal experience, which is very different from mine, in a way that can be applied to everyone. I tried to be open to everything shared since we all do have a different story. The best thing is the acknowledgment that triggers and sadness can go on and on and we are entitled to our process. I think this would be a thoughtful gift for someone with a recent loss, as it does have space to write down your thoughts.
I recommend this book.

[Greville Waterman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been a Godsend to me. I lost my wife a few months ago through Covid and have been struggling ever since. I have tried to read books, I talk to a counsellor but this book has helped me than anything else.

It’s short, straight forward and totally to the point and the lessons and suggestions it imparts are simple and effective.

I can recommend it to anyone in mourning and also to their friends and family members who struggle to know what to say to us.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a lovely, helpful, practical read for those who are grieving.

It's written in a gently way that is not at all patronising and it's got practical hints and tips.

A useful guide to those grieving as well as those who don't know what to say to those grieving.

I highly recommend this important read.

[Ann Byrne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently lost my husband and found this book described perfectly the stages you go through and the thoughts you have. I would recommend this book to anyone who has lost someone and is unsure if how they are feeling is “normal”. We are all in this together and we just have to take things one day at a time ❤️

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful workbook with journaling prompts, illustrations and coloring pages to process grief in whatever way you need to, while covering topics in short, succinct writing that isn’t bogged down in detail or theory when what you need is help sorting out the mess. I used every prompt and journaled a lot of feelings out, and explored some things I didn’t even know was needed.

[Vanessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Grief Handbook by Bridget McNulty was one of the hardest books I have ever read and I knew it was going to be a hard one to tackle. Oh Boy! I so need a lot of tissues................

"One of the things I found hardest to deal with in weeks and months after my mum died; was the disbelief that she had gone. It seemed impossible that the world could continue as if nothing had happened when I no longer had a mum.
Part of this, of course, was shock!" So True I miss my mum..........

I need tissues.......... and I could so relate to this part from Bridget's book and most of this book.

ME: I lost my mum in January this year, she caught Covid and within 24 hours she had died. It was and will be one of the worst days of my life. Now, I sit and look at her photo of my mum smiling and holding her favourite drink, a coffee which is across the room and smile. Then think was a good daughter??
I couldn't have kids and I never gave her a grandchild which was a big strain on our Mum and Daughter relationship. She never told me it was, but, I just knew, when my other 3 sister all have children and I was the odd one, especially as I am the eldest daughter.........I was expected to get married and have children! Well, I got married 29 years yesterday.
But the children/grandkids never came.

So this book was a hard one to read.......It answered some of my questions and one that will always stick with me.

"At Least!" 2 simple words that mean so much.........'At Least!"

Well, I know I will never know If I was a good daughter but I tried.....and (there it is those words) "At least" I had a good relationship with her last year via Skype....and oh God! we had some laughs etc. I never got to hug her etc because of Covid!!!! and Yes I know I am not the only one this happened too..................

But, I miss her everyday and everyday I think of her and say Hi Mum when I walk past the photo of her.........I just need to get a candle now and light it now and then.....
So this book has kind of helped me........It never answered some of my questions was I a good daughter? etc But (there's those words again) At least - She never suffered, She had something to eat and closed her eyes and fell a sleep. Sweet Dreams mum until we meet again.....You will always be around us and I will always think of you everyday.

I can Highly recommend this book.

Big thank you to Netgalley, the author Bridget McNulty and Watkins Watkins Publishing for letting me read and review this wonderful book. I can't think you enough. Hugs x

[Joelene]

I think this guide is helpful.

I'm still in shock a bit for my own personal loss so I'll probably revisit the chapters as I need them - there's advice for the weeks leading up to anniversaries and the years after, so that's certainly the intention.

For now though I have colouring pictures and some lists and thoughts written down and for now that will be enough. Nothing can fix grief but this allowed me to give words to it for the first time and for that I'll be grateful.

Miss you, already and forever Mom ❤️

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be practical, informational, and written from the viewpoint of someone who understands grief. While I knew some of the information provided, it opened up new thoughts about grief and surviving the grieving journey. I also liked the starters given for personal journaling. They were simple yet effective. I also liked the short chapters. During the grieving process, it is sometimes difficult to focus for an extended period of time and the short chapters allowed for finishing the given subject areas in a reasonable time.

[Zosia · Rating 3 out of 5]

(3.5) I'm going through terrible grief with more to come and this book was helpful in validating my feelings, which feel huge and outsized and impossible. The workbook portion didn't do it for me (it was too simplistic and not probing enough), but the mantras and validations did remind me that I'm not the first to feel like this.

[Nancy Hauck Gaglione · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, my sincere condolences to the author. 😢

This was a quick and easy read. It’s mostly an account of the grief the author experienced after she lost her mom. There are some nice stories, checklists, and quotes but, I didn’t learn anything new from this book. Grief sucks.

[Michaela Coutts · Rating 1 out of 5]

as a person who has lost both of their parents a year apart from each other, i didn’t care for this book at all. i finished it to see if it would be better, but it feels too positive. i much preferred it’s ok that you’re not ok by megan devine. maybe i would’ve liked it more if i was in year one of their deaths and not years 6 and 7, but this one wasn’t for me.

[Jenn]

I checked out so many grief books from the library and just couldn't stomach them. I saw this one had pictures and doodles and I could handle that. Grateful to have found this and the comfort it brought me.