The smudge of an ocean-liner materialised at what might have been the horizon, while light streamed - the run-off from the warp and weft of the world. (7)
But it was time to go, and his desires were no longer straightforward, if they had ever been. (14)
He needed her to live. Perhaps he always had. Any biddable wife would have tranquilised brain and soul. He'd needed the challenge of her. Perhaps he'd even needed the problem of her. (14)
There was too much pathos, too much beauty of old things passing, and new things coming ... people ... no longer knew how to feel alive in their lives. (22)
But this, the piercing loneliness of the everyday would finish him off. He'd known despair, deep despair, but it seemed nothing to today's sudden, radiant apprehension of the life which goes on beautifully, fuckingly heedless. (24)
He was something apart at last, something inalienable, something beyond language. Where were the stars? Had even they left him for dead? (26)
Perhaps it made her more grateful for life. Perhaps it made her feel. (53)
Inwardly, if not outwardly, she was changed. She carried a sense of another self she might have been in France, perhaps, or possibly England: of other truths glimpsed. (55)
It was a calming thing, self-possession. (55)
She knew how to summon something of the inner while yielding to the outer, to the eye of the photographer. One had to let oneself be taken. (59)
There were worse fates, she supposed, but, then and there, she couldn't think of any. (61)
More than anything, he had a lovely ease about him, a compelling nonchalance. He asked questions. Everything, everybody fascinated him, it seemed. He watched more than he spoke. He had a certain reserve, and she discovered he loved books. She could see he was a reader of people too, and shrewd with it; she could feel that in him ... but if he was shrewd and watchful, he was generous too. (64)
There was nowhere he felt more himself than in the solitude of a darkroom, watching the ineffable stuff of being materialise. It still felt like magic. How did the spirit of a personal, in heat and lightwaves, touch and change a piece of film? (96)
‘We can’t afford lamb.’
‘Don’t fret. Not lamb. Shepherd. I went out and killed one myself.’
A smile got the better of her mouth.
Then he sat down by her side and fed her, forkful by forkful. (162)
She was, he feared, the sort of endearingly vibrant young woman whose destiny was bound to be one of unrequited love of the most intense variety, followed, ultimately, by spinsterdom. It was all wrong, he decided, for she possessed a wonderful smile which made him sit up and forget he was ill. How hard the world could be on women. (163)
[in a letter] And a fire in one’s bedroom all dancy in the dark. (175)
Play, for Mary, is a serious matter, and she is impatient with their slow recall of the rules. They must pay attention! (177)
… [their] lame daughter, Sylvia, was in the orchard, jumping at the new blossom. She was stuffing her coat pockets with it. (193)
She was beautiful as she jumped *like a poem in herself.* (193)
In fact, the exile suspected Madeline was secretly *glad* her husband was away; glad he was acquiring definition in the world; glad he would match her own energy at last. (195)
On [thus] peaceful street, every new leaf that morning was like some green, flickering flame, a Pentecostal tongue of fire speaking at a pitch he could no longer hear. (201)
The evening light was golden, the clouds gilded. ... The liquid light just before sunset that makes the world sharp and soft at the same time. You saw the full beauty of the day just before it was gone. (212)
Because when you think things can't get worse; they always can. (213)
Sex was the only state in which a woman could achieve - not the power of high ambition or 'power games', which were mere manipulation and flattery - but the power which came with vitality. It was something far greater than the colour to the cheeks after sex. It was the power of self-possession, of being alive in one's body. Very few achieved it. Most only idolised it or envied it.
Her own experience was limited, but she knew instinctively that such power came only with intimacy; with the secret act of beholding the public, daily person - the lover, sanctioned or illicit - transformed in one's presence into a private, raw spirit. That was power: to be a part of such life-force, or even the conduit of it. The power to transform; to return someone to the person they actually always were, their innermost. Everything else was only the animal drive to reproduce. (221)
It was one of those June mornings, radiant and sluiced by wind. (222)
The smoke of the cigarette rose into the air, vague as a thought. (231)
'In my view, we don't need "purity." We need to be mature enough to admit the contradictory, the various. Crazy as it sounds, I'd like to see a politics for this country that never strays far from poetry. Or from poetic truth, at least. We need its complexity. We need its simplicity. Poetry keeps us honest. It admits all that is human and it lets us see it, love it and wrestle with it. With education in poetic truth and in the human complexities we find in great novels ... our emotions are less likely to run rings around us and wreak havoc... The education of *all* our faculties is everything. If we glorify the conceptual or the rational at the expense of all else, we do so at our peril. Manipulators and predators will exploit our emotions.' (236)
'Yet, for the writer, [style, aesthetic and technique] do not arrive in parcels of theme and form. They arrive in a wave, in a shimmer. They are experienced as a feeling across the back of the neck, or a pressure in the heart during the deep "excavation" of a story. ... A story is not a concept or a story or a theme. It is an author's breath, heat and heartbeat - and when I say that, I don't mean to suggest that the process is primitive or unsophisticated. Quite the opposite, in fact.' (237)
'She simply wants to be known.' She blinked. 'In both the biblical sense, *and* in the more ordinary sense too. She simply wants to be known, in her self, for who she is. She only wants to know that she will be *known* in this life.' (238)
Trolling watch her close her notebook. How interesting it was that no one ever knew what youth was while they still had it. She was half-formed still, and mysterious with it, perhaps above all to herself. (239)
Yet it was true: other people were endlessly fascinating. (261)
Six months on, he still felt the loss of this woman he did not know, as tenderly as a scar. (280)
On the count of three, he stared into the lens again, as if to say, ‘I am precisely where I am meant to be – I could only ever have been here.’ 299
She knows the true proportions of life. She knows, too, that the truths of love and life cannot be written over. 300
Even in far-away Italy, she can see again the green flanks of the Downs, the swaying pines, the brooding oaks, and the shaggy common. She can see the pink hollyhocks and the purple-and-white columbines, blooms her husband coaxed from the stubborn turf. 300
She has not known the sense of home – of deep intimacy, of body beside body, familiar to familiar – since his death. Perhaps she’ll not know it again […] She is proud, for it is their love and no one else’s which charges his words, and that love cannot be bent to any purpose. 301
Let it be, he used to say to her and the children. Let it be.
They were beknown and beloved.
It is rare, and it is enough. 302
Be sure to visit me in my new abode. I expect you to come bearing wet maps, songs and poems. I shall be lost if you don’t. Come see me through this unbearable war, won’t you? 306
Why is his life so transient? Where are the roots of himself? 306
He can feel it now – reality snapping at his heels. 306
Time cleaves into past and future. 307
She possesses a powerful independence of spirit, and is luminous with it. Indeed, in some peculiar way, he stands in the courtyard now, he loves her as if she were his own [daughter], and he regrets she is not. (309)
He will not know for another five years: Italy, the 10th of September, 1920. Hers will be the white house at the end of the terraced row, high on a hill overlooking Florence – a house and hill unimaginable to them now. The house will lie at the end of a steep track, above a flickering olive grove. Lights will arise in the balmy dark beyond her balcony, *like night flowers opening.* They will be new to one another, no longer the detainees of a country spellbound by war. 309
As the two stand – poised on the brink of an inscrutable future – in the grassy courtyard among the Meynell clan, something in their neurons, primitive and plastic, something which admits no difference between memory and presentiment, brims with that September night to be, for such are the secret, unchartable transfigurations of love. 309
But she couldn’t deceive herself. There was a problem and *she* was it. Her nature was too passionate. Sometimes it made the society of others seem mild to the point of sedation. Almost everyone seemed content enough. What was wrong with her? 316
As a child in the woods of Greatham and Rackham, she had known what it was to be alive under her skin, and she was determined not to forget it. 316
In the inventory of herself, she did not discover beauty, but she did not fare badly. 318
It seemed against the odds, two people not only liking each other, but wanting each other. What magic. 318
Privately, she didn’t expect her first experience of sex to be the stuff of ‘souls conjoined’ […] She only wanted someone who might catch her imagination. She only wanted ‘a story.’ Perhaps she even wanted to be *in* a story. Briefly. 319
Somewhere a bonfire was burning – she could smell the sweetness of the smoke – and, in the hedgerows, the blackberries were ripe. She’d take out a pail later and pick for her grandmother. 319
In family life, we all revert. 325
What did she know of restless hearts other than her own? It was one thing to invent; it was quite another to *have no idea.*
She was aware she was rather ‘unformed’ in the eyes of the world, even if she felt fully formed – brimmingly so – in herself. She had read so much in her life throughout her life that she felt she possessed the glittering sediment of countless lives and experiences in the bedrock of herself. Not that she could convey as much as that. 326
She turned and looked at the clock on the wall and panicked. In the fleeting interval he seized her hand. How lovely. 334
She climbed a step-ladder to look out the only windows, a small rectangle of glass, high up. The moon was out, golden and recumbent – a woman’s face in profile, tipped back, as if she were about to be kissed. 334-5
She ignored him and opened the book to a random page and started to read aloud, suddenly strangely unselfconscious in front of a boy – a man – who stared and wouldn’t look away. 337
‘… Frankly, I hadn’t expected you’d be quite *this* easy to please.’
She kicked his shin.
He couldn’t help himself: ‘*Dewey* look good together or dewey not?’ 337
She forgot books and novel and words as she entered the trance of her body. In the semi-darkness, his voice was a warm frequency travelling through her […] What was carried in the current of a human voice? 339
Pages 334 - 354
She loved the naked nape of a man’s neck; they were still children there somehow. 343
Finally, at the top of the stone staircase where his lips had first brushed the lobe of her ear, they stood, dazzled by each other, and embarrassed. 343
She'd had little sleep and was still caught in the heady uplift of the night. Not ‘rapture’, but fullness. She had liked being re-made in her lover’s hands into an object of desire, a yearned-for body. Perhaps she wasn’t meant to like being objectified, but she had. She’d loved his touch, his hunger, and as she walked, she felt again the electricity of that first clasping of palms as he led her up the stairs. 344
.. or the imaginative entering int the mind, soul, spirit, or body of another. The life of the body was not, for Lawrence, separate form those other things. Rather, it was the way *to* those things, and could not be divided from them. 347
“We should ask for no absolutes, or absolute. Once and for all and for ever, let us have done with the ugly imperialism of the absolute.” D. H. Lawrence, quoted on 349
Harding knew it was illusory as anything else; that, under the skin of the world, all of life was restless. 361
The heat of summer goes – tick – tick, like the overworked engine of a year that is slow to cool. 399
It is all a very long time ago. But the present has deep pockets. 414
‘[a letter] I would describe him as an elderly young man’ 435
[..] and who, in spite of himself, wanted a woman like Constance to love him, forgive him, and to release him from the person he didn’t know how not to be. 439
Here was a moment he would not soon forget.
He felt rather emotional.
‘Tea?’ he said. 451
[in acknowledgements]
And to all readers, ‘subversive’, dedicated, entertained or passionate – and quietly present on the other side of these traversable boundary-lines of print. 601
He agreed to drive on one condition: they had to leave by 6a.m., to catch the pearly light. With women, you wanted the 'sweet light' at the end of the day or the pearly light of early morning. 498
She turned to him. 'I don't think I've ever seen something so beautiful.'
He nodded. Discomforted bu her directness, by the scent of her hair, by the fullness of her thighs on the seat; by the flickering lure of happiness, the danger of it. A bright flashing thing dangled on a line before him. Should he bite? Did he even know how? 499
Some peoples company made you feel lonelier; the gusts of them found your gaps and holes and whistles right through. But her company was like a breeze clearing his head; he felt more awake. 499
In these incandescent moments, by the light of a mean lamp, with the all of Cathleen pressed against him, soft, alive and wanting, he simply *is he is he is he is*, and there is peace at last. 519
.. and some undefinable quality in her presence makes drinkers at the bar turn to watch.
Perhaps the aura of a beautiful woman outlasts her beauty, or perhaps she inspires something more than passing admiration, for she seems to carry an ageless, untouchable quality ; the glow of an inner life undimmed by time. 530
And Lawrence. He had opened windows within her. 534
.. [Lady Chatterly's Lover] opens with the sentence 'Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically.' He says to the reader 'we are among the ruins ... there is now no smooth road into the future.' The novel as he wrote it held out hope that this state of affairs wasn't all; that there was some way out of the drab and dead existence he describes. 535
She tells him that, when she was a child, they lived in Surrey on a half-acre estate by a sandy heath, a murky green canal and a little wood which formed the geography of her dreams for years and years. 539
Slowly, the lights go out over Florence, but his arms, his chest, are warm. 539
'But that was the first time we camped out, at the top of Ashdown Forest, everything was very rugged. So Godwin and I made ourselves a bed of moss with a roof of evergreen boughs, then lay down in the darkness and listening to the hearing of the wind in the fir trees. It was weird and magical. I still remember the charge that hummed in the space between our bodies, and yet it would t have occurred to either of us to act on it, and perhaps it would have spoiled things if we had.' 542
'Italy is nice - very nice indeed - lovely lovely sun & sea.' 543
'Without sex, I mean.'
Oddly, she does not mind his curiosity. It surprises her that she does not. She laughs. 'Well, I should like to have it again naturally.'
'What's stopping you?'
'I'm not sure anything is.' She lifts the weight of her hair from her neck. 'One only has to be discriminating.'
'Of course. One can hardly bear to share a bus seat with most people, let alone a bed.'
'Precisely. And at a certain age, one wants more than ew-drops of flattery and off-to-bed-we-go.'
'I agree, that's tawdry. Love is a force. Impersonal, to some extent; something sprung up from the elemental world. What are we to it?' He pauses. 'It's up to you.' 545
'Because there is, is there not, a high breathlessness about beauty which cancels lust?' 557
She, for her part, feels only sustained. Her chest still buzzes with the night before. Joy - when she resigned herself to stoicism, to the mere endurance of the heart. 559
'The end cracks open with the beginning : / Rosy, tender, glittering within the fissure.' from Pomegranate, poem by DH L
How beautiful the world is, she thinks. 564
'How rare our time has been,' he says, his voice low. 'Beyond measure. I shall not forget it: this balcony, our hillside, our words - you.'
They are loving words, and she is moved. They are also words which tell her he will not be hers; that he will leave. The knowledge comes like a punch to the lungs. 546-5
She'd been foolish to give him her trust.
Yet she'd been *hungry.* 565
*Well, so many words because I can't touch you.* 572
*We're out each day in the gondola, and I've written little that isn't watery and adrift.* 572
But to stand alongside [the trees] is to be returned to one's proper proportions. That humbling isa steadying force , a profound reassurance and, if the place is still new to her, the earth always remembers her. 591
... life lived against the odds, amid the flux of its failures and everyday beauty. 596
For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken.
It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. - Pomegranate, DHL