Solving the Moment: A Collaborative Couple Therapy Manual

by Dan Wile, Dorothy Kaufmann

Dan Wile's final book distills and integrates the principles of Collaborative Couple Therapy as it evolved over his forty-five year career. He sees a couple problem as really two the problem itself and how partners talk or don't talk about it. How partners talk or don't talk -- how they fight or withdraw -- is often the main problem and the one with which couple therapists can best help them. Wile's focus is on solving the moment, by which he means turning the partners' fight or withdrawal into an intimate conversation. His signature method is talking for each partner in the couple as if he were that person, reframing their attack or disengagement with words that foster connection. Collaborative Couple Therapy encourages clients to have their say about every aspect of their therapy, empowering partners and giving the therapist the benefit of each partner's input. In creating a more equal, less hierarchical relationship between the therapist and partners, he models a relationship of equality within the couple. His manual helps therapists with specific interventions, offers the thinking behind them, and provides engaging dialogues as examples.

Genres: Counselling, Relationships

152 pages, Paperback

Published March 9, 2021

Reviews

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably not an approach I would use on its own but the spirit of it is exceptional: deeply compassionate and genuine about both client and therapist experience. The biggest strength of this book is how it characterizes partners and therapist being off put by something as an understandable attempt at something, like repeating yourself might be because you don’t feel heard, or you express anger because it feels safer than fear. And as couple therapists it’s easy to get frustrated and fall into our own maladaptive patterns, becoming part of the cycle too. The book offers lots of helpful, non judgmental questions to borrow, and lots of ways of doubling aka framing an individuals point in a way the partner can better hear. I was moved by how hard Dan Wile works at empathy and want to keep that spirit in all my work into the future. Becoming the spokesperson for the partner you find yourself aiding against in that moment is also helpful.

[Liwen Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and practical guide for marriage counseling

This book was one of the required reading for my marriage counseling class, and it not only introduced many wonderful skills for counseling but also reorient the counselor to the goal of solving the moment and not solving the problem. Our goal as counselors are not to be a judge between the couple and determine who is right and who is wrong, but to help the couple to communicate in a collaborative way, and stop attacking or withdrawing during the process.

[Keiran Shanahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genius

I had the great fortune of attending Dan Wile's Collaborative Couple Therapy course when he came to Australia. I'm so glad to have found Solving the Moment which provides an elegant and concise explanation of Wile's compassionate approach to couple's therapy.

[Michelle Ackland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. So many great ideas and questions to help couples therapists guide their work towards collaborative solutions.

[Cici Carr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical interventions for couples therapy, just wish there was a bit more content

[Ruben · Rating 5 out of 5]

thank you dan

great book so great that even john and julie gottman made sure this book was out there. It will help many lives as it helped man thank you don