Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love

by Anne Hodder-Shipp

Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love is an updated and expansive approach that recognizes that Love Languages apply to ALL relationships — not just heterosexual marriage.

And there’s WAY more than five of them.
Understanding how we do (and don't) express and receive love can be a foundational part of our most nourishing relationships. Rejecting relationship hierarchy and centering platonic love, Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love gives readers a tangible tool for identifying their needs while navigating others', and does so with a friendly and direct attitude.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Mental Health, Psychology, Romance, Communication

74 pages, ebook

Reviews

[Bryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an *extremely* welcome update on the concept of "love languages," taking it from something prescriptive and allowing you to turn it into something that lives and breathes in all of your relationships, not just monogamously partnered romantic ones.

[Emily]

I agree that there are important nuances that stem from the original five love languages, but I think the way that the 18 love languages are expressed don’t necessarily fall into different categories explicitly. There are both verbs and adverbs so the combinations of them definitely could be better grouped. Kinda like ven diagrams that are closer to almost overlapping circles? Definitely good for thought and opens doors to how verbalize how people experience love in many different ways. Relatively groundbreaking materials, and a quick “how to” feel from the book.

[Doug Chu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Conceptually, it's pretty good and an expansion of the idea of "love languages" is welcome. However, I wanted more depth from the different language descriptions, sometimes the chapters seemed perfunctory and more like a pamphlet than a deep dive.

[Lale · Rating 5 out of 5]

super cute, informative and practical adaptation from the 5 love languages. i like this version so much better, especially concerning the background of the original 5 love languages (have a look at that history 🥴). i would have liked some sort of questionnaire for myself - maybe some guiding questions to discover my own wants and needs?

what i really, really like about this small booklet: it's short. the author does not lose herself in endless, baseless and repeating explanations.

[Fei · Rating 3 out of 5]

the new love languages are fine. But I wish there was more expanded description of them, rather than bullet point lists.

[Jamie]

Wayyyy better than the 5 love languages with all its evangelical bent (women are meant to serve), even though 18 still just basically starts the conversation. Also joyfully queer-inclusive. (Take that, Gary Chapman.)

[g]

as someone who could never really relate to any of the established 6 love languages, this was a great update with a different perspective on love and relationships

[Maddie Brenner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting! I love the expansion beyond the five traditional love languages! There are too many ways to love to limit it🥰 I bought the work book:)

[Mehnova · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting concept formatted like a Buzzfeed article.

[gigi · Rating 2 out of 5]

i appreciate what this book is trying to do and i think the dialogue it opens up about how we express love throughout our platonic, romantic, familial, and just general interpersonal relationships is very worthwhile. however, i just feel like there were too many categories, many of which had overlap, and what each category entailed just didn’t feel as intuitive as the more popular categories of “physical touch, words of affirmation, gift-giving, quality time, and acts of service.” if someone told me their primary love language was “solidarity” or “bestowing,” even after reading these descriptions, i feel like i would need to ask questions to further understand what that looks like for them and what exactly that means. although it is an interesting examination of the way we express affection to people in our lives, the categories in this book don’t hold up as tools for understanding myself or others.

[Kenra]

This maybe takes 10 minutes or so to read, it's a very general, but also thorough re-examination on what love looks like and how it manifests in our relationships. There's some great dialogue at the beginning that redefines love and relationships to exist outside of romantic/sexual monogamous relations and then goes into each of the 18 languages for modern love. These modern languages feel more attuned to the organic flow of how relationships look and feel and the instincts that various people have to show up for their loved ones and I was able to think of various ways the people in my life have these qualities in them. An interesting and delightful little jaunt.

[Louisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a wonderful collection of love languages, which fit any type of relationship. The relationship with yourself, friends, family or partner and all of that packaged in a gender neutral way. I really enjoyed the book and would recommend it to anyone, who is interested in looking at love languages from a more modern perspective.

[L · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the title and description have over-hyped the book (pamphlet?) for me. I think it’s more of a “18 ideas for you to express support for someone”, as a “listical” with graphics.

That’s not to say listicals are bad. As the author said, they want the book (publication?) to be accessible, and listicals are very accessible. But I was expecting an analytical and organized deconstruction of love languages, and this was not it.

Some of the ideas overlap. For example, teamwork, solidarity and thoughtful service are nuanced but not discrete entities to me. And some of the suggestions are so over generalized to the point of self-contradiction. For instance, the author suggested “don’t offer unsolicited help” and “don’t do something only when asked” on the same page. I can see those are valid advice in separate, specific instances, but putting them together is just confusing and contradictory.

While I do find the suggestions generally useful, I wish the book (listical?) was more thought through. I’m glad I got it from the library, because I don’t think I want to keep one.

[Mrs Reddy Mallender-Katzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN MADE INTO SUCH A CUTE LITTLE HARDBACK but no they weirded it up with three quarters of it WASTED on something im not interested in about Sikhism !?????
SIKHISM WAS NOT MENTIONED IN ANY REVIEWS I READ - SO WHY IS MOST OF THE BOOK ABOUT RELIGION !?
im not religious in any way , i wouldn't have paid such an extortionate amount of cash for a book the content i wanted which covers LESS than Quater of the book !!!

Another publisher would have taken the really nice SHORT CONTENT on love languages which i would NOT have titled as love languages as it fits more inside " how to communicate morally with humanity " nothing to do with loving & getting on better with your spouse like i thought it was .... Into a really cute looking tiny little book.of do's & Don'ts

I absolutely adored the do's n don'ts but the rest was very much blah blahblah ... I really could barely get through the badly written blah at the beginning & zoned out at the end ... However im glad i read what i bought it for & am passing it on with a book mark at no: 1 & stating start here because people i know wouldn't want the Sikhism either ...

[Ly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though the author claims this book shouldn't read like an 'instruction manual", it does feel so from its bullet point format, to the icon-laden illustrations and down to the alphabetically ordered "modern love languages".

Indeed as many have mentioned it would be greatly more helpful to have her dive deeper into why she chooses to pick these 18 modern love languages and not others, and how her experience as a sex & rls consultant informs these choice. Otherwise it feels like just a "woke-r" version of the condensed 5 love languages we all know.

Having said that, I do resonate with emotional labour and problem-solving (more from personal experience than from reading this book)
Anna encourages readers to feel and resonate, but to be honest, it is very difficult to feel deeply with a infographic poster and 5 bullet points of what a love language CAN or CANNOT look like.

[Arthur Ten Wolde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really nice, short book, I agree with many other reviews that it is very welcome for queer, single and non monogamous people. Inspring. But too many categories and too short explanations. So a new, updated, longer book would be very welcome. One that also mentions dancing, walking, being in nature, , singing, making music, tantra, and the 7 veils of intimacy as elements of modern languages of love.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the premise of this book a lot, but I felt like it was more like a listicle than a full book. I wanted to know more about how to identify what other people might need, how a lack of certain types of love can manifest, and even just have lengthier examples of how to enact certain types of love - especially the ones that might feel stressful at first blush. It felt very much like "here's a brief description, now you figure out how to do it."

[Page · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extremely easy read with “posters” to represent each language —what it is/is not. Expands the original Chapman concepts. Nothing especially new or original, but a great, easy to read grouping that provides words/meanings for every day users to help ID where they may need to pay more attention. Applicable to any type of relationship.

[Cat Rollins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I much prefer this text to the original ‘5 Love Languages’ for many reasons, the foremost of which is that it is written in a way that includes all types of relationships (romantic, familial, platonic, individual, communal, etc.) In each language I found something that I was missing and something that I could improve on.

[Cori]

This was a bit more basic and surface level than I expected this to be. I think it had good points and gave validity to some gestures and actions that people do, or shouldn't do, but this felt like it was aimed at someone who was 10 years old. I felt like the majority of what was contained in this book (pamphlet?) is common sense and was hoping for a deeper dive.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Clear, Simple Expansion

This little booklet is a clear simple expansion of the five love languages concept, made clearer through lists and graphics at the end of each chapter. It’s a quick read and an easy reference, and reminder for us to stay connected with ourselves and our partners and communities, to make expressing love a daily practice.

[Chelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5 | It was a refreshing read to explore ways of connection that expand past heteronormative, monogamous marriage. I wish the book was a bit longer, with ways of distinguishing the similar types of love. The book is brief with some examples, but it could benefit from a bit more explanation and/or research.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This is a quick read and gives a run down on different love languages meant for all types of relationships. I very much appreciate the inclusive language. I do wish the book had gone more in depth with each language, but perhaps this is meant more as an introduction.

[‎‧₊˚n o e l l e˚₊‧]

you know i thought this would be groundbreaking or something, but it really just ended up being a self-pubbed listicle? i don't doubt that these are generally helpful concepts but i just don't think it's what i thought. oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a re-read. Expands the 5 love languages to be more applicable in our lives, love, and relationships.

[Barry · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent updating of the notion of love languages without the anti-2SLGBQTI+ bias of the original. Well worth reading.

[Eli Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was MUCH shorter than I expected, but had some good points and things to think about. Nothing groundbreaking, but helpful all the same.

[Nancy Benson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so thankful for this book as well as the associated work book. It really helped my husband and I work through some communication difficulties.

[Kye Adeel · Rating 5 out of 5]

More inclusive love languages are mentioned in the book. I wish there were more descriptions about each of the love languages.

[Mo_loves_books · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 idk it wasn't bad it just wasn't great either. Got some stuff out of it and other stuff was like 🤨 but it was fine