Thoải Mái Mà Không Cần Gắng Gượng

by Kim Suhyun, Sun Tzô (Translator)

Tác phẩm mới nhất của tác giả Kim Suhyun ra đời sau 4 năm kể từ best seller vạn bản “Tôi quyết định sống cho chính tôi”

Trở thành người theo chủ nghĩa ôn hòa trong cuộc sống đầy phức tạp!

Chúng ta thường muốn trở nên thú vị, hài hước, nhưng đó không phải là lý do duy nhất khiến con người ta yêu thương nhau.

Có người yêu vì những lời động viên ấm áp, có những người yêu vì được lắng nghe chân thành, có người yêu vì tiếng cười sảng khoái của đối phương, có người yêu vì đối phương luôn ở bên mình dù có chuyện gì xảy ra đi chăng nữa.

Ngay cả khi không phải cố gắng biến thành người khác, vẫn có quá nhiều lý do để bạn được yêu thương. Vậy nên đừng cố ngụy trang. Thay vào đó, hãy thả lỏng cơ thể, bày tỏ sự chân thành trong mọi mối quan hệ và thoải mái thể hiện con người thật của mình. Đó là khởi đầu cho mọi mối quan hệ chân thành.

Bạn đáng yêu nhất khi là chính mình.

Hãy là bạn, theo cách tự nhiên nhất.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Love

300 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2020

Reviews

[Cali Caleon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I personally prefer this book more than I Decided to Live as Myself! Though both are very well written, I found this book to be more of a page-turner because I resonated with a lot of the situations given by Kim Soo-hyun and how she carries herself in certain stages of her life. What I love the most about this book is that it is very heart warming like a letter to a most cherished friend. In the last part of the book, she mentions that love is in the core of human beings. This reminds us that love comes from within and by loving ourselves first, we can truly express love in every aspect of our life.

[kutingtin · Rating 4 out of 5]

loved the second book more and gave it a tearry eyed hug in the end :,) 💛😌

[WrittenbySahra · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتابی که قلبم رو لمس کرد و بهم اجازه داد تا ببارم، کتابی که بهم یادآوری کرد اهمیت رابطه‌هامون مهم‌تر از چیزیه که به نظر میاد و نگهداری یا گذشتن از رابطه‌ای چه شکلیه. من با کتاب قبلی هم به شدت احساس همذات پنداری کرده بودم، چون تا وقتی که نویسنده کیم سوهیون باشه به طرز زیبایی احساس می‌کنم که توی این دنیای پنهاور، تنها نیستم. از خوندنش لذت بردم و با خودم عهد بستم، تجدید پیمان کردم و چیزهای جدید یاد گرفتم. و خب، همینه که زندگی کتابی آدم به رنگ‌های تازه‌ای درخشیدن می‌گیره.

[Mina☾︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

این بار هم به موقع بود نیاز داشتم به خوندنش، به یادآوری بعضی چیزهابه خودم، که توی درگیری های روزمره فراموشش کرده بودم ヽ(´∀｀)ノ

[Kim Scarlet · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say is WOW! This book has truly helped me realize a lot of things—friendship, daily life, work, relationships, family, and, of course, handling your own emotions. I honestly didn't expect this book to be incredibly amazing and life-changing! Albeit, I am not familiar with the author, Kim Soo Hyun, I’ve become a big fan of her self-help books. Just a bit of information about this book and the author herself: she is Korean, and this book was translated from Korean to English. Hence, there are words that couldn't be directly translated into English. But thou shalt not worry, my friend! They made to sure to translate those Korean words into English sentences that can be easily understood. Nonetheless, this book is a great purchase and definitely worth the price! Kim Soo Hyun has done an excellent job! 😍💜

[Gabriel Clive · Rating 3 out of 5]

It proves itself from its title. Some parts were way ahead of my time but it’s good to read about something that I could bring to my adulthood.


It felt like someone giving me a back rub, massaging your hair while sipping on a cup of coffee & gazing on a sunrise. It smells like vibrant citrus flowers & spring. Literally just the epitome of being comfortable :)

Final rating: 3.5

[Norshafarina Faharuddin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another self-love book to read as the year comes to a close and the new year begins.

[aliaareadstoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Comfortable Without Effort by Kim Soo Hyun, translated by Ma. Kristina Carla Rico and Bae Kyung-min is about balance in first and foremost, your relationship and yourself, then second, relationship with others.

It's a light read but relatable at the same time so let me just share few sayings here:

"Allot time for your START
Life is too short to hesitate
yet too long to be anxious"

"Just like what Alfred Adler said, the past can explain the present but it will never solve the future."

"If we're lonely, let's take one step forward,
and if we're in pain, let's take one step back.
Some need warmth, while others need coldness.
Between these two, all you need to do is find the kind of relationship that you're most comfortable in."

"Someone else's feelings, attitude and personality can't be your truth."

"Even if I've always told myself that I shouldn't feel downhearted, I wasn't aware that I was feeling that way as I worried about others' feelings. I had to accept the truth that I can't control how others feel and that relationships can't be perfect no matter how hard I try."

"Look at what's beautiful.

You."

Fun fact: I bought this book because I saw Seventeen's S.Coups read it in In The Soop 🤭😇

[Book Beforebed_ · Rating 4 out of 5]

หนังสือที่ว่าด้วยความสัมพันธ์และความสมดุลตรงกลางที่พอดี ค้นหาวิธีที่ใช่เพื่อจะได้ไม่ต้องเหนื่อยจนเกินไป เหมาะกับผู้ที่มีปัญหาด้านการวางตัวกับคนรอบข้าง

หากใครที่คิดว่ากำลังอยากได้ทางออกจากความสัมพันธ์ที่ toxic หนังสือเล่มนี้น่าจะเหมาะค่ะ การจัดวางเนื้อหาด้านในกำลังดี ตัวหนังสือไม่เยอะไป มีภาพประกอบเล็ก ๆ เป็นบทสนทนาที่ทำให้เราเห็นภาพได้กว้างขึ้นด้วย

[Elvina Zafril · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buku ini sangat relevan untuk sesiapa yang nak memahami cara mengurus hubungan yang complicated without losing yourselves. Penulis menekankan pentingnya mencari keseimbangan antara percaya dan ragu, antara menjaga batasan tapi tetap hormat dengan orang lain, serta antara kesunyian ketika bersendirian dengan keletihan apabila terlalu ramai orang di sekeliling.

Ungkapan “Be respectful to everyone. But let’s not allow them to intimidate us” ialah mesej utama buku ini. Ia mengingatkan kita bahawa menghormati orang lain tidak bermaksud membiarkan diri dipijak. Jangan sesekali kita bagi orang pijak kepala kita. Setiap perbuatan ada batasnya.

Secara keseluruhan, buku ini bukan sekadar memberi sekadar quick tips and advice, tetapi juga menjadi panduan praktikal untuk melindungi diri, mengelakkan konflik dan membina kehidupan yang lebih seimbang.

Saya rasa memang berbaloi baca buku ni. Realy worth my time.

[♡ Aliah ⸜( ˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was expecting for the author to specifically touch on the 'typical relationship advices' but instead, s/he discusses important elements, values, and characteristics necessary as the foundation of any good relationship.

A nice read :))

[Jahnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical. I honestly thought this book is for young adults, but it's more mature than how I expected it to be.

[Nur Rokhmani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nyaman Tanpa Beban 🧘‍♀️
🧚‍♀️ Kim Suhyun
🧬 270 halaman
🔖 @elexmedia

Seperti pohon yang tetap sama meski warnanya berubah setiap musim berganti,
Seperti sungai yang tetap sama meski airnya terus mengalir.

Ada orang yang akan datang dan pergi dalam hidupmu. Tapi, kamu tetaplah kamu.

📚 Buku dari penulis kesekian asal Korea yang kubaca. Buku yang berasal dari pengalaman dan pengamatan di sebuah negara yang keras. Menghadirkan berbagai alternatif sikap agar setiap kita mendapat kenyamanan selama berhubungan. Entah bersama keluarga, teman, atau orang yang baru dikenal, bahkan orang yang hanya sekadar lewat dan berselisih jalan.

🏝 Vibes buku korea itu, entah kenapa, selalu menenangkan. Hangat, dan terasa tulus. Kesopanan, kesantunan dalam tutur kata yang disajikan berhasil mengetuk-ngetuk hati. Meski ada beberapa konteks yang dalam budaya Indonesia tidak terlalu relevan atau sama, tetapi secara umum kita bisa mengadopsi cara-cara yang dituliskan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari.

🌃 Membaca buku ini, juga seperti kembali diperlihatkan bahwa kehidupan di Korea tidak seindah di Drama. Korea begitu keras, budayanya masih belum terlalu ramah pada keberadaan perempuan, dan kadang menjadi sangat tidak nyaman. Dan penulis sangat baik ketika mencoba memberi cara-cara kepada kita berdasarkan apa yang ia alami.

💕 Menjaga harga diri, bersikap tidak canggung, tidak memaksakan diri, bersikap berani, namun hangat dan ramah di satu waktu yang sama. Semua yang tertuang adalah paket komplit agar kita nyaman tanpa beban, sekaligus berupaya tidak menyakiti perasaan siapa-siapa.

📜 karena buku ini adalah alih bahasa dari korea, pada beberapa bagian memang ada yang tidak dengan mudah bisa dicerna. Tetapi, secara umum, alih bahasa di buku ini sangat baik, tidak kaku dan nyaman untuk dibaca. Ilustrasinya juga begitu pas dan lucu. Sepertinya buku dari korea selalu punya tema dan konsep yang serupa sekaligus unik. Semakin membuat aku suka membacanya, hihiw.

"Demi sebuah hubungan yang nyaman, dibutuhkan batasan yang membuat kita nyaman, dan toleransi yang dapat membuat orang lain nyaman." Mari hidup 'Nyaman Tanpa Beban'!!

[Earl · Rating 5 out of 5]

The key to good and fruitful relationships in this life is first to have a good and fruitful relationship with oneself. This perhaps is the key to understanding this book by Kim Suhyun (a companion to the first book, I Decided to Live as Me, and I think she has done very well to describe and to prescribe things that perhaps we know, but only need to be reminded of frequently.

[Elli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose to read this book before the first one for no reason and I finished it in one sitting. I relate to a lot of the things discussed in this book and it felt really nice finishing it. I’m a big introvert who always feels anxious about everything and kinda afraid of building new relationships. In some way, this made me feel comforted about being that way and at the same time, felt like it’s giving me a push to try find what will make me happy, without making me feel like I’m missing out or out of time. I’ll read the other one some time this year, probably when I need it the most.

[Salve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I didn't really liked the first book that much, reading this book felt like I had a heart to heart conversation with the author. I love the way how it gave me different perspectives in life and helped me gained a better insight on how to manage my relationships with other people. Nevertheless, I would definitely reread this sometime in the future.

[Nattatida · Rating 3 out of 5]

ความสัมพันธ์ที่รู้สึกอึดอัด แท้จริงแล้วมีวิธีปรับเพื่อให้ความสัมพันธ์นั้นดีขึ้น ปรับทั้งจากความคิดเรา บอกคำพูดที่เราต้องการและรู้สึก ด้วยประโยคที่นุ่มนวล ก่อให้เกิดความสัมพันธ์ที่ดีขึ้น หรือบางทีถ้าสิ่งแวดล้อมมันแย่ แค่เริ่มจากตัวเราทำให้สิ่งแวดล้อมของความสัมพันธ์ดีขึ้นทีละนิด
เล่มนี้เหมือนเป็นเพื่อน ที่คอยฟังเรา เหมือนหนังสือกำลังคุยกับเรา เข้าใจความรู้สึกของเรา

[Kamyl Palma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave the same vibe as The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. It seemed as if the book is lecturing you with things you are afraid to hear because it’s true.

[BAiTEUYbAiTY · Rating 5 out of 5]

หนังสือเล่มนี้กล่าวถึงการตามหาสมดุลระหว่างคุณกับทุกความสัมพันธ์ และยังช่วยแนะนำวิธีที่จะทำให้เราเป็นคนที่สามารถป้องกันตัวเองจากพวกที่มากวนใจด้วยการแสดงออกอย่างถูกต้อง และไม่หวั่นไหวไปกับเรื่องเล็กๆน้อยๆ

หนังสือมีทั้งหมด 6 บท แบ่งเป็น
1.รักษาความเคารพตัวเองอย่างมั่นคง อย่าไขว่เขว
2.ใช้ชีวิตสมเป็นเราอย่างสบายใจ ไม่ฝืนพยายาม
3.อยู่ร่วมกับผู้อื่นอย่างมีมารยาท ไม่ฉุนเฉียว
4.ใช้ขีวิตอย่างสง่าผ่าเผย ไม่เสียขวัญกำลังใจ
5.แสดงความคิดจิตใจด้วยภาษาอย่างคล่องแคล่ว ไม่อดกลั้น
6.เรียนรู้ความรักอย่างอ่อนโยน ไม่เฉยเมย

ตัวอย่างประโยคที่ชอบมากในเล่มนี้
*ไม่เป็นไรหรอกหากไม่ได้ดูดีในสายตาคนอื่น ตัวคุณสำคัญกว่าคนที่มองมานี่นา P.5
*ต่อให้มีใครเกลียดเรา ความเกลียดนั้นก็ไม่อาจทำลายตัวตนเราให้บุบสลาย P.17
*คุณค่าของคุณ ไม่ใช่สิ่งที่ให้ใครอื่นช่วยยืนยันหรอกนะ P.32
*คำว่าสมดุล คือการไม่ทำต่อแม้ฮึดทำต่อไหวก็ตาม P.55
*หากอยากเป็นพลังแก่ผู้เป๋นที่รัก เงื่อนไขแรกคือชีวิตคุณต้องไม่พังทลาย P.69
จริงๆมีอีกเยอะเลยที่โดนใจ แต่รู้สึกว่าพื้นที่รีวิวจะไม่พอ

แนะนำเล่มนี้เลย อ่านง่าย(มาก) มีภาพประกอบ อ่านแล้วไม่น่าเบื่อ เนื้อหาดี ให้ข้อคิดเยอะมาก มาอ่านกันๆ

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[Aqilahnorizad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sebenarnya saya selalu nak baca buku, tapi saya selalu hilang di pertengahan cerita saya juga antara orang yang susah nak rasa connect dengan buku sebab itu agak lama juga saya tidak membaca. Suatu hari saya rasa "burnt out" dan terjumpa buku ni, tanpa sebarang expectation yang tinggi saya beli Dan baca.
Sebenarnya saya cuma nak hilang kan segala rasa Dan apa yang Ada di fikiran saya sahaja tapi tanpa saya sedari buku ni berjaya menarik saya. Cara penulis menulis sangat santai adakala rasa seperti sedang berbual dengan seseorang yang sangat rapat Dan sangat memahami diri kita. Saya rasa seolah "didengari" Dan selepas habis membaca saya rasa seperti lega Dan tenang. Ada banyak yang saya highlight dalam buku ni Dan IA seperti membuka pintu di dunia yang baru yang selama ni saya tak perasan pon kewujudan pintu tu (cara berfikir) . Terima kasih kepada penterjemah kerana menterjemah buku yang sangat menarik.

[Dena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I really like this book for these reasons :
(First of all i should mention that this is not my favorite genre and i didn't read too many books like that)

1⃣This wasn't boring at all . and i really enjoyed reading it . It is a heartwarming book .

2⃣It covers different aspects of life and relationship and i think everyone in any age can use its advice .

3⃣The language of this book is really easy to read and it didn't use complicated words so you can get the meaning quickly and don't have to think about it so much .

4⃣The references that she use for every chapter from well known persons i like it .

5⃣And for a asian reader the comparison between society of her country and European's conutries was so interesting . And also she named some stupid believes that passing by the generations that shouldn't be existing at the first place and it's hapening in my country too . so all i can say i luv it ....

I'm looking forward to reading her other books.

[Nanadhoi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comfort book. Buku ini kategori self help. Kontennya lebih banyak berkisarkan mengenai hubungan kita dan orang sekeliling. Setiap bab hanya ada beberapa muka surat, 2-3 muka surat, menjadikan ianya sesuai dibaca oleh pembaca yang agak sibuk menjalani kehidupan seharian dan mudah untuk dihadam.

Setiap bab juga mengandungi ilustrasi-ilustrasi yang comel (sama seperti buku I decided to live as myself). Ya, saya masih tidak bosan mengamati ilustrasi-ilustrasi yang disertakan dalam buku ni. Hampir 80% konten buku ini dapat saya kaitkan dengan diri saya atau realiti kehidupan di luar sana yang saya lihat.

Saya sangat sarankan buku ini kepada mereka yang mencari keyakinan diri, yang mahu refleksi hubungan diri dengan orang-orang di sekeliling. 5 bintang ✨!

[hazelleeeyyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" - Plato

Another last minute book before the year ends 😌 Very light read, tackles every inch of your relationship, whether romantic, friends, and family. It says everything about you, and how to be you for a better relationship with the people around you.

"Be respectful to everyone, but let's not allow them to intimidate us"
Knowing our limits and boundaries makes our relationship with others meaningful and good. There should be a balance between what you can do and what you should do.

Overall, it's a good read. Not totally a favorite but worth a shot.

[Chadz Espe · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is very easy to read this book as the author write each pages and statements in a very interesting and easy way to understand. I enjoyed reading it and the book says how important your relationships are and how you manage your emotions and communicate your emotions to people around you. You didn’t have to be rude while you’re communicating how badly you felt or felt disrespected. And I realized that it is actually true. Sometimes in the peak of anger we say things that we don’t mean. But if we think first and use words that could sound better to someone youre talking to, then it is better. Choose peace and comfort than conflict.

[ches · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book more than the first one "I Decided To Live As Me". I guess it was because I struggled a lot in finding comfort in relationships with my family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers, and mostly with myself. It was the book my 21 year-old self needed. It was the book that reminded me of soo much things about life that I forgotten while growing up because I was too focused on my future and what "I have to" do. It was the book that told me a hundred times to act and move at my pace without pressure, and not to be hard on myself, and just be my own comfort.

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The chapters 1, 2 and 6 are the most relatable parts of my life in this book. I thought of Kim Suhyun as a friend who I could always talk about how my day went and she would listen. Give advice when needed. I have annotated and written so much in this book. This is perfect for everyone. Ive cried and felt relieved that it wasn't just me who actually feels this way.

This is one of my favorite lines:

If we're lonely, let's take one step forward,
and if we're in pain, lets take one step back.

[nashe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tackled on concepts about relationship with the self and with others and the balance between both. The personal anecdotes made this feel more personal, so I enjoyed that. The chapter about mothers really resonated with me the most since my mom has always been someone who tries to be so ideal and loving which I’m grateful for (which I need to show more), but she’s struggling herself which is hard to see. I read this to “improve” my relationships with people but it’s easier said than done. Hopefully, I’ll be able to apply this to my life 🤍🤞

[Gaby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Similar to my review of Kim Soohyun’s previous book, it’s a light pop self-help book which I read on the recommendation of some idols like BTS’ Jungkook. Whilst I don’t think there any novel philosophies within this book, it also contains a nice sentiment and some quotes I resonate with. I must say though I prefer (and annotated) her fist novel much more than this one. However, it’s a perfectly fine book to pass the time with if you’re not in the mood for anything too heavy. It only takes a day or so to get through.

[Moonlight · Rating 1 out of 5]

این کتاب و اوایل سال میلادی خوندم ولی چون نسخه فارسی کتاب رو تو گودریدز پیدا نکردم الان به اجبار این نسخه رو وارد کتابخونم میکنم.
و اما نظرم در مورد این کتاب:افتضاح
به حدی سطحی و حوصله سر بر بود که فقط با زور تمومش کردم تا راحت شم.صرفا چیزهایی رو بیان کرده بود که از قبل همه ما راجب اونها آگاهیم و فقط انگیزه الکی تزریق میکرد.
مثلا "طوری بحث کن که هیچکس نبازد" خب پس توضيحات عزیزم؟؟؟؟؟ و نکته آخر اینکه بسیار زیاد نقل قول از اشخاص و کتاب های دیگه دیده میشه جوری که آدم حس میکنه خود نویسنده چیز زیادی برای گفتن نداره.

[nika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literally made me want to change my life and my perspective in everything. This self-help book genuinely motivated to cut off toxic people and negative energy, exert effort in relationships, build a strong connection with other people, let go of my past, be more comfortable and confident, enjoy solitude and independence, and appreciate my own efforts by not giving up in life. It just contains too many lessons that would really help someone who is having a hard time getting his/her life together.