Single and Satisfied: A Grace-Filled Calling the Unmarried Woman

by Nancy Wilson

"Yes, I'm single ... feel free to comment." Single women can sometimes be magnets for awkward questions, especially within the church community.
What do you do with your life if you're not married? With an emphasis on strong marriages and biblical childrearing, unmarried women in the church can begin to think that they are somehow on the sidelines.
But this is not the case. In this helpful volume, Nancy Wilson provides straightforward counsel and encouragement for those struggling with "the wait."
She addresses practical concerns like building a career but focuses more specifically on important relational issues such as interacting with competitive women, respecting your parents even after you've left their home, establishing standards for male friends, and keeping the right outlook on your life. Whether a woman is called to singleness for a short time or for her whole life, she is called to be fruitful in God's kingdom.
This is the second and revised edition of Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like You Married?

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Womens

118 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Nancy Wilson (née Greensides) is the wife of Pastor Douglas Wilson, mother of N.D. Wilson, Rebekah Merkle, and Rachel Jankovic, and grandmother of seventeen who are (as yet) unpublished. She lives in northern Idaho.

Reviews

[Sarah]

Well, I made it through this book. I wouldn't have if I were still single. This is the kind of book that makes me want to feed it page by page into a paper shredder. It isn't that there wasn't anything good about the book, but it had so many red flags that the good was swallowed. I will not go into all the issues, because I would have to write a book just as long to deal with them. Here are the main issues.

1. There is an awful lot of you should/you shouldn't and you ought to do/not do this on personal opinions and views, not biblical.

2. I almost stopped at chapter 1 because it was on not taking offense at the hurtful things people say when meaning well. While I agree 100% that we need to forgive and not take offense, there was no acknowledgment of how deeply wounding some of the words it can be, or the doubts and mental struggle they can cause. There was nothing about how to deal with damage caused by words "well-meaning" people say. This chapter needed to have two parts yet it was very one-sided and more felt like a defense of those who say insensitive and damaging words. (Well-intentioned is not an excuse, I am saying this as a person who has to apologize regularly for "well-intentioned" words that actually hurt).

3. My biggest issue about this book is that the title is misleading. It is yet another book that spends most of it's time talking about singleness as a season and prepping ground for marriage. Singles need books that push them toward satisfaction in Jesus, no matter if there singleness is for four more years, another decade, or the rest of their lives. As someone who got married later in life, I can tell you that arguments and advice given in light of some nebulous future guy had long ago ceased to be helpful. I knew I might never get married. I needed to be holy and satisfied because that was my calling as a Christian, not because of what it might gain me in a future marriage. By crouching what we should be and do in terms of what it will gain us in a future relationship, makes the advice dated and ignorable for older singles.

4. The maddest I got at this book was the call for women to be cute and more outgoing because, of course, guys won't go for you if you're a quiet wallflower that doesn't wear makeup. I could pretend to be outgoing and vivacious like my sister. This would not only exhaust me, it would be a lie I couldn't keep up. I agree we should love others enough not to just stay in our rooms reading because social situations make us uncomfortable but pretending to be something you are not is a lie. Also, pardon me while I shout something so the ladies in the back can hear me: IF A GUY REQUIREs THAT YOU BE THINNER, WEAR MORE MAKE-UP, OR DRESS 'CUTER' TO GET HIS ATTENTION, HE IS SHALLOW AND NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look cute. But I can tell you I am grateful that I found a guy that was fine that I will never have a flat stomach and I don't wear make-up, even if it would make me cuter. Any guy who won't pay attention to you because you don't have cute enough packaging is a guy not worthy of your time and worried about the wrong things. Run from these guys. It is better to stay single than live your life trying to live up to some shallow/ungodly guy's expectations for your cuteness.

5. There were several statements made that advocated emotional purity. For those blessed enough to have avoided this camp, this is the idea that you should save your emotions for the guy you married. As with a lot of dangerous concepts, there is a bit of truth to it. However, I have found the whole guard-your-heart camp usually starts with both an unbiblical and unrealistic principle. We live in a fallen world. Your heart will be hurt, broken, and disappointed. I have had friends walk away, breaking my heart. I have cared for people who didn't return the feelings. Yes, if we allow our emotions to guys go unchecked and out of the bounds of Christ's Lordship, leads to sinful/lustful thoughts, emotions, and actions. But I can also tell you from personal experience that unreturned love can drive you to the foot of the cross again and again like nothing else can. It doesn't have to be sinful and dirty. When your heart is broken (because it will be in this life by someone, even if it isn't a romantic interest) it is another opportunity to submit to the sovereignty of God and put our hopes in Him.

Obviously, I wouldn't recommend this book, if you are looking for good books on singleness, I have a whole Goodreads shelf of the books I've read on the subject and there are some really awesome ones out there, my favorites being Kingdom Single: Living Complete and Fully Free, Living Whole Without a Better Half: Biblical Truth for the Single Life, I Don't Wait Anymore: Letting Go of Expectations and Grasping God's Adventure for You, and Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended

[Rebeca · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very practical and biblical approach!

[Addie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly practical book on how to glorify God in the season of singleness, taking advantage of the opportunities you have now, recognizing that God is sovereign and has deemed that it is good for you to be exactly where you are, but also not denying that your desire is not to remain single forever. I’d recommend this book to any women who are single (and desire marriage), or married women who have single women in their lives that they’d like to encourage, love, and counsel. Nancy covers a whole range of topics — the unmarried woman’s role within the church family, relationships with friends, guys, parents, guarding your heart, modesty, standards, the differences between men and women, thinking about working and homemaking in your current season, dealing with doubt, discontentment, envy, and unthankfulness, etc. Nancy put words to many things I think but have never articulated, and offered new ways of looking at things that I hadn’t thought about but were incredibly logical and supremely helpful to hear. Listening to the audiobook felt like I was sitting down to coffee with one of the wise women from my church — it was very much like seeking practical advice from a trusted mentor. I appreciated how she utilized God’s Word when it came to things like the pursuit of holiness, our design as women, or why loveliness matters. I also appreciated her grace when handling topics that do not have a single right answer in light of the Bible — she was well balanced in giving advice but not claiming extra biblical opinions to be law.

[Rachel Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Scripture in this book is good and true and used correctly. The practical advice? Not so much.

I say this as someone who is theologically conservative, and who embraces complementarianism. This book made me feel stifled and shamed.

God calls me to holiness not to be June Cleaver, and while I’m not one to put a purple streak in my hair or choose police work as a career, I don’t believe it would be sinful for my to do so.

If you’re number one goal in life is to be a 1950s housewife, this book is for you. Otherwise, leave it on the shelf

[Lacey Leazer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very easy read and felt like I was just sitting with Nancy Wilson in her living room. I do wish there was more scripture references, a lot of it felt like it was her own advise, thoughts or opinions. Overall good book for single and married woman even though it was specifically written for those not yet married. Super easy and fun to read.

[Kayla Dean · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was horrendous. I love God, His Word, I’m a single woman, and this was incredibly unhelpful. There was so much shaming going on. So much that was outdated and unbiblical. For instance, according to this book women shouldn’t hug each other too much lest it lead to “lesbianism.” The “naive woman… may be a bubble-gum chewing airhead who wears dumb t-shirts and can’t figure out why the guys keep staring at her chest.” She says that instead of encouraging women to become missionaries, “It would be far better if they were encouraged from the pulpit to marry, settle down, and raise families.” I am horrified. One minute she is telling you to be satisfied and content, the next she says that if you say you’re not looking for a guy, you’re lying! And I quote, “of course you are looking for a man.”
Also, she is married and has been married for decades. She not only can’t relate, but only has harmful things to say to single women in the Church.

[Claudia Rivera Guevarez · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Single women should be productive and fruitful members of a church community.” -Nancy Wilson

Nancy Wilson grounds herself on the fact that the Gospel directly transforms and informs femininity! This book is not full of the typical cheesy cliches unmarried, Christian women hear. Rather, it tackles how to practically glorify God where He has placed you as a Christian woman.

If you can’t tell, I love this book! Definitely would recommend (and have recommended it) to single friends, and would love to read it again!

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very practical and thoughtful, highly recommend. (I listened to the audio book)

[Nicole Rasmussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Not just for singles, it has fantastic biblical principles all women can apply to their lives. I just love Nancy Wilson's no-nonsense, practical approach.

[Katelynn O'Lessker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook after a recommendation from the Home Fires podcast. I had heard of the title before, but I’m not sure I have talked with anyone who has read it.

I very much appreciated her viewpoint on what it means to be a “single” vs “unmarried.” Some might feel like she’s splitting hairs, but for women in particular, I think it’s helpful to be more careful with the labels we assign ourselves as they can so quickly and subtly become formative to our identities.

Throughout the book, Wilson not only encouraged unmarried woman to grow in godly character, but provided many practical ways a woman can pursue such growth. She was forthright about particular sin areas that unmarried women can struggle with and how those are to be addressed. I would imagine that some may find her frank advice to be off-putting, but it is clear that Wilson thinks highly enough of her reader not to condescend or be concerned about fragile sensibilities that ought to be conformed to the truth.

Unmarried and married women alike would do well to read this book, consider the practical wisdom offered, and talk together about how they can pursue sharpening one another and spurring one another on to love and good deeds.

I didn’t get to listen as closely as I would have liked at times, so 4/5 stars simply because I know I didn’t catch everything, but I could see this being a 5 star read.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My second read-through only increased my gratitude for this book and for Nancy. I don't typically find resources on singleness helpful. Instead, I generally prefer reading anything to do with God and his world and enjoying those things as a Christian first and foremost. But Nancy nails every topic and offers biblical dignity and respectful exhortation to the Christian woman. I think this work might be helpful to all women, not just those who are not yet married.

[hannah cottrill · Rating 5 out of 5]

|| 5 ⭐️ ||

Immensely encouraging. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of what I already know: that it’s okay to desire marriage and hope/pray/prepare for it, and at the same time cultivate contentedness and fruitfulness in the circumstances God has ordained for me today. Trusting in God’s sovereignty and plan, and rejoicing in it no matter what He has in store for me.

This book addresses a whole scope of interesting topics related to singleness, some of which clarified a lot for me and others which I hadn’t even considered before. It was very insightful and I’m sure I’ll keep coming back to certain sections when I catch myself feeling discouraged or tempted to take things into my own hands.

[Amanda Millar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really beautiful read. Whether you are a single, dating, engaged, or married christian woman, this book is worth your time. It talks of contentment, envy, peace, beauty, and the intentionality involved in cultivating your life and soul as the woman God created you to be. Pursuing the Lord and waiting well.. no matter the circumstances and developing skills and practices now that will equip you for the rest of your life.

It poses really wonderful questions and Mrs Wilson even challenges the post-modern woman’s idea on what it means to be a woman and what scripture says about it.

[Dorcas · Rating 5 out of 5]

If this was a public reading, I would give Mrs. Wilson a standing ovation. A book filled with wisdom for single women. This short read disciples the reader to understand what Godly contentment looks like. Key word “Godly” for too many times has the idea of being content been so far from the beauty of Gods word and so deep in this wretched world that it has frustrated the walk of His image-bears.

[Emma Sunderman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Listened to this as an audiobook and my jaw dropped several times. Haha ummmm there is truth in there and scripture, however it’s tough because the way she writes is a way that makes it sound as if her opinion or understanding of something is THE way. Feel like I’m pretty traditional/conservative but this is v v v traditional/conservative.

[Hannah Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

A new edition of one of my favorite books, “Why Isn’t A Pretty Girl Like You Married?”. Listened to the audiobook on the Canon app - even though I’ve read the book several times, the material sinks in differently when listening to Mrs Wilson read it. Always very encouraging and helpful!

[Taylor Schlieder · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some helpful tidbits and I appreciate a book that speaks head-on and straight forward to women (nothing cutesy here), but unfortunately she gets a little too specific in her examples to a point where it can become judgmental or legalistic, and it strays from what the Bible actually says.

[Claire Kabel]

This book is so offensive and outdated it’s ridiculous

[Mackenzy Perry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth the read/listen for every single woman! I don't agree with everything Nancy said, but I think all single women can find something encouraging or convicting in this book.

[Dr. Val Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate Nancy’s candor and her ability to be succinct on the topic. Her counsel leans to the conservative reformed tradition of “telling it like it is.” Which I appreciate, but it can come off as brusque and harsh at times. I do believe a few truths were missing from her book such as fulfillment in the Lord, the validity and importance of singleness as a lifestyle, discipleship of others, spiritual children and family, the role of community, and how singleness takes on a new perspective when mission is at the forefront. (Read Sam Allberry’s “7 Myths of Singleness”). Her writing has the tone of a lecture from an older woman correcting, rather than an older woman shepherding. I liked the read, but a little softness would have gone a long way with me. Would absolutely still recommend, nonetheless. I do think this short book holds some sound biblical truths for single women. Just read it for what it is without expecting softness or much empathetic compassion.

[Grace Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical and convicting. Main takeaway: a Christian woman wants look back on the years of singleness with no regret. We don’t want to look back and wish we had been more grateful, more joyful, more servant-hearted, and less anxious, self-centered, dejected, etc.

I was reminded of the point N.D. Wilson makes in one of his books—we are all dying as we live. And I want to live a life where I die empty, not because I squandered my blessings and enjoyed the good things of earth as the ultimate end, but rather empty because I have given everything I have to others for the sake of what Christ has done for me.

[Nikole Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book again for the second time. I feel like this time around my heart was in a better place to receive some of the wisdom Nancy shares. I appreciate the guidelines she lays out as well as the practical ways to implement each topic she talks about. This book gave me perspective, brought areas of improvement to my attention, encouraged me, renewed my contentment and trust in God’s sovereignty, & left me spurred on, ready to get to work for what I’m trusting God for. I definitely recommend this book 😊.

[Kris]

Gave it 10% and DNFed. The tone is patronizing and condescending. When the author said "I'm going to assume all single women reading this book want to be married" I was immediately turned off. When her first chapter was about telling people not to be offended at offensive things people say, my fears continued to grow. Then I read this review and knew it was not a book for me: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...

[Emma Whear · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pleasant. Not 100% sure why this book was written, as it is essentially a re-write of "Her Hand in Marriage." That said, this is more organized and a bit more clear, with a few added sections.

Solid stuff in here. Easier to stomach when you're married 😂

[claire · Rating 1 out of 5]

although labeled as a christian book it was 90% opinion based and backed by only a few sparse scripture references, unfortunately. If you are legitimately a single woman looking for true biblical encouragement in your walk with Christ I would not recommend this book

[Alexis Kirsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was really blessed by this book. There is so much wonderful wisdom in it, as with any of Nancy Wilson’s work.

[Milena Abigail · Rating 2 out of 5]

Subjective opinions presented as Biblical truths.

There were some good elements to the book, but if I’m being honest, they didn’t really stick with me after some of the concerning points made throughout the writing.

[Rachel E. Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very beautiful, helpful book about being a single young woman even while desiring marriage. I marked a lot of passages to return to time and time again. I don't think I agreed with all her points, but I think every single woman in the Church should at least give this book a try. It helped me a lot.

[Erin Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sassy, common sense, sometimes offensive, often convicting book about contentment and how to find a husband and be a life-giving member of the church. But! As a married person, the topic of contentment is still relevant, so there was a lot I took away. The other main ideas I took away were the importance of being sensitive with those who are single, as thoughtless comments can be hurtful.

We read it as a book study. It was a good spring board for lots of good conversations!

[Noelle J · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is an especially encouraging read for the unmarried Christian women who desires to be a wife and a mother. Nancy gives sound biblical and practical advice for the single Christian women. I personally appreciated that she communicated that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, well at the same time addressing how to be content during the season of singleness.