August 2021 — One benefit of being plagued with fatigue is that I haven't got much fight in me, so I have more moments of being more humble and vulnerable before God. Listening to this again (this time at a more reasonable speed), I wept a lot...just sort of saying yes to Him. Yes, I can see where I'm off the rails. Yes, I can see a little more clearly what needs to change. Yes, I can see that it's my sin that I haven't believed right and haven't feared right, my responsibility to repent. Of course the fight that's gone out of me on the one hand hasn't left much fight on the other for battling with sin. But still...a baby step in the right direction, I think. (I think I may be babbling a bit incoherently at this point...)
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July 2021 — I had to rush through chapters 5–6 last week before the study, and then I had to rush through chapters 7–8 even faster this week. But it was chapters 3–4 that were the money for me. (Probably 3 or 4, but I can’t remember which.) I’ve been trying for decades to get my head around what exactly the fear of the Lord is, and this section gave me significant progress.
The illustration that ought to give the greatest clarity is also one of the names for the right fear of God: filial fear. But that is just as great a mystery for someone like me who’s never experienced it...never even seen it. But the descriptions in this section put me in mind of another image: a dog greeting his good master after a long separation. Fido rejoices and trembles, for sure—complete ecstasy at seeing his person, complete submissiveness, quivering with excitement, can't get close enough. So I need to be Fido toward the Lord. Trouble is, I've spent most of my life as a whipped puppy hiding under the couch — a picture of the sinful fear Reeves also describes. It’s a big change, but at least I can see now that it needs to be made and from what to what.