FOMO Sapiens
Just as you could identify Homohabilis by its stone tools, FOMO sapiens exhibits a few tell-tale characteristics. In its natural habitat, FOMO sapiens can be observed yearning for all of the things, either real or imagined, that could make life perfect, if only it could have them or do them at this very moment. It’s so distracted that if it had any natural predators, it would make for shockingly easy prey.
The Fos
FOMO – Fear of Missing Out
Do you ever get stressed out when you come across those delightful (read: highly selective, filtered, and cropped) photos posted by friends, family, and celebrities to your social media feed? As you scroll, you may notice that a feeling starts to build within you, perhaps best understood as a sense of anxiety. While you’re playing with your phone, it occurs to you that all of these people are living lives that are far more interesting, exciting, successful, and, frankly, Instagramable than yours. This feeling is called FOMO, short for Fear of Missing Out, and its effects are widespread.
FOMO \ ˈfō-(ˌ)mō \ Noun. Informal
1. Unwanted anxiety provoked by the perception, often aggravated via social media, that others are having experiences that are more satisfying than yours.
2. Social pressure resulting from the realization that you will miss out on or be excluded from a positive or memorable collective experience.
FOMO causes you to feel as if your life is not up to snuff based on a bunch of notions that probably don’t even correspond to reality. This gap between what you have and what you wish you had is what drives negativity, stress, and unhappiness. The more time you spend building up those feelings, the worse things get since reality will never be able to compete with your imagination.
Types of FOMO
Aspirational FOMO, which is driven by the perception, enabled by an asymmetry of information, that a thing or experience is better than what you have in front of you at the moment; and
Herd FOMO, which is fed by a desire for inclusion and a compulsion to partake in what you feel you’re missing.
FOBO – Fear of a Better Options
FOBO \ ˈfō-(ˌ)bō \ Noun. Informal 1. An anxiety-driven urge to hold out for something better based on the perception that a more favorable alternative or choice might exist. 2. A compulsion to preserve option value that delays decision-making or postpones it indefinitely. 3. Behavior that turns you into an entitled a**hole.
FOBO, or Fear of a Better Option, is the anxiety that something better will come along, which makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision. It’s an affliction of abundance that drives you to keep all of your options open and to hedge your bets. As a result, you live in a world of maybes, stringing yourself and others along. Rather than assessing your options, choosing one, and moving on with your day, you delay the inevitable. It’s not unlike hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock only to pull the covers over your head and fall back asleep.
FODA—Fear of Doing Anything.
When you combine FOMO and FOBO, you end up paralyzed with a critical case of FODA—Fear of Doing Anything.
FOBO, on its own, can greatly hamper decision-making, but when you combine it with FOMO, it can lead to a Fear of Doing Anything, or FODA, and the results can be catastrophic. This phenomenon occurs when your desire to try to do everything (FOMO) crashes into your need to keep all of your options open (FOBO).
When you have FODA, you are pulled in two directions at once. Part of you is keen to run in this or that direction in pursuit of something that you perceive to be better and more rewarding than what you have at the moment. At the same time, you are unable to commit to any of those potential options. You aren’t sure where to run, and you loathe the notion of settling for just one alternative. As a result, you run around in circles getting nowhere and exhausting yourself in the process. This is a failure of leadership, focus, and commitment, and it condemns you to decision purgatory.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”—WARREN BUFFETT
The Role of Perception
Your impression of something’s intrinsic value is based on all kinds of internal and external cues, things like family, friends, social media influencers, past experiences, and interests or passions. These are the elements that convince you that you just have to do or have something. They are not quantitative in nature but are instead shaded, at least in part, by feelings, biases, hopes, and insecurities. In a very fundamental sense, perception is a product of calculations that are highly emotional.
Aspirational in Nature
When you feel FOMO in this way, your core impulse is centered on improving your condition. What makes you want to get off the couch and chase after that party, trip, baby, or job is a belief that in doing so, your life will be better in some way than it is right now. At its core, FOMO is aspirational in nature, rooted in a search for whatever’s bigger, better, and brighter than your current surroundings.
Trade-Offs
What does success look like? It looks like freedom. When you find the power to choose what you actually want and the courage to miss out on the rest, you are finally liberated from indecision and the compulsion to have it all. Even though you’ll be eliminating options, missing out on potential experiences and opportunities, and generally limiting the scope of the things you could potentially do in your life, your overall outlook will improve. You will be more relaxed, in the flow, and free to move forward into the future without regret. Most importantly, when you learn to be decisive, you will be free from fear.