* 2021 SPARK Award Winner, The Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators * 2021-22 Reader Views Reviewers Choice Gold Medal YA Fiction * 2021-22 Reader Views Kids Teen/YA Book of the Year * 2021-22 Reader Views Grand Prize in Fiction - Bronze Award Winner * 2021 NYC Big Book Award Distinguished Favorite in Young Adult Fiction * 2022 Independent Press Award Distinguished Favorite - Teen
When Blue Mancini’s mother picked her name, it ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. A year ago, Blue’s brother, Jack, was involved in a car accident that killed the father of her classmate, Maya Rodriguez. Now Maya has returned to school determined to make Blue’s life a living hell in the aftermath.
On top of that, Blue has a demanding mother, a father who’s never around, a drama-addicted best friend, and a secretive new guy who’s determined to make Blue his own personal cheer-up project. It’s a perfect storm of misery. When Maya’s social media taunts and in-person digs finally push Blue to retaliate, they find themselves in afterschool detention and forced into a project meant to foster cooperation and civility. As the layers of their tangled drama unravel, Blue learns more about Maya’s life-and her own sense of privilege-when secrets are revealed that cast a new perspective on everything in Blue’s world.
L.E. DeLano comes equipped with a “useless” Theatre degree that has opened doors for her in numerous ways. Though mostly raised in New Mexico, she now lives in Pennsylvania with two adventurous kids and two ridiculous cats. When she’s not writing (which is almost never), she’s binge-watching Disney+ and planning road trips.
L.E.’s YA novel, BLUE, was named the 2021 SPARK Award winner by The Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), a 2021-22 Gold Medal Winner for Young Adult Fiction in the Reader Views Reviewer’s Choice Awards, a 2021 NYC Big Book Award Distinguished Favorite in Young Adult Fiction, a 2022 Independent Press Award Distinguished Favorite – Teen, and was named 2021-22 Teen/YA Book of the Year by Reader Views Kids. Her debut YA novel, TRAVELER, was a Keystone State Reading Association (KSRA) Secondary Book Awards Finalist for 2018-2019.
Thanks to NetGalley and to the publisher for providing me an eARC of BLUE in return of an honest review.
In this YA novel we are following Blue, a girl who's brother, Jack, was involved in a car accident that killed the father of Maya, her classmate. Now Maya has returned to school determined to make Blue’s life a living hell in the aftermath. On top of that, Blue has a demanding mother, a father who’s never around, a drama-addicted best friend, and Devon, a secretive new guy who’s determined to make Blue his own personal cheer-up project.
When Maya’s social media taunts and in-person digs finally push Blue to retaliate, they find themselves in afterschool detention and forced into a project meant to foster cooperation and civility.
As the layers of their tangled drama unravel, Blue learns more about Maya’s life-and her own sense of privilege-when secrets are revealed that cast a new perspective on everything in Blue’s world.
As been said, I have to say that I really enjoyed Blue as a character, she felt real as well as some of other characters, like Devon and Maya. They don't feel perfect and that is what makes me feel they are perfect, because nobody is. Their energy, their interactions, their development... so well done! I could feel Blue's emotions and struggles. I just- I just wanted to protect Blue, Devon and Maya.
Something, that maybe I wanted to see more or in a better way was about Blue's brother and her friend Jules. I know they weren't the main characters but I felt like I missed something about them to make them more realistic.
There was also a plot twist I dindn't see coming, and OMG I loved it.
I also loved the way L. E. DeLano writes, so I hope I can read more books by her in the future. It was a very good story with a lot of emotions, diversity, so powerful and with personal growth, nothing toxic.
Thanks to NetGalley and to the publisher for providing me an eARC of BLUE in return of an honest review.
In this YA novel we are following Blue, a girl who's brother, Jack, was involved in a car accident that killed the father of Maya, her classmate. Now Maya has returned to school determined to make Blue’s life a living hell in the aftermath. On top of that, Blue has a demanding mother, a father who’s never around, a drama-addicted best friend, and Devon, a secretive new guy who’s determined to make Blue his own personal cheer-up project.
When Maya’s social media taunts and in-person digs finally push Blue to retaliate, they find themselves in afterschool detention and forced into a project meant to foster cooperation and civility.
As the layers of their tangled drama unravel, Blue learns more about Maya’s life-and her own sense of privilege-when secrets are revealed that cast a new perspective on everything in Blue’s world.
As been said, I have to say that I really enjoyed Blue as a character, she felt real as well as some of other characters, like Devon and Maya. They don't feel perfect and that is what makes me feel they are perfect, because nobody is. Their energy, their interactions, their development... so well done! I could feel Blue's emotions and struggles. I just- I just wanted to protect Blue, Devon and Maya.
Something, that maybe I wanted to see more or in a better way was about Blue's brother and her friend Jules. I know they weren't the main characters but I felt like I missed something about them to make them more realistic.
There was also a plot twist I dindn't see coming, and OMG I loved it.
I also loved the way L. E. DeLano writes, so I hope I can read more books by her in the future. It was a very good story with a lot of emotions, diversity, so powerful and with personal growth, nothing toxic.
I read this in one day, and let me say that it has been a while since I've accomplished something like that. But the writing style truly captivated my attention and kept me engaged in the story. As much as I really enjoyed the writing style and getting lost in its pages, it also left me a bit conflicted. I understand that I am not necessarily the target audience, nor did I grow up in the atmosphere it presented. But I did not care for all the swearing and the uses of God's name being taken in vain, as well as some sexual innuendos. It might be typical and normal for the majority, but I personally found that discouraging and because of those aspects, I wouldn't feel comfortable recommending this book to the YA's in my life. I still appreciated the story. The main character was very real, and her flaws and strengths both came across the page well. I loved Devon - he was really a gem, and I liked the bit of "mystery" about him that kept the reader curious for more of his backstory too. "Blue" is a quick read that deals with real and heavy topics, but there is still relatability to it. As I said, because of my own personal beliefs, I can't exactly say this book is for everyone, at least in my circles, but I am grateful for the opportunity to have read it, and applaud the author's writing style - it read so smoothly, and kept me turning those pages.
*I received a copy from the author. All thoughts expressed are my own.
BLUE is a YA contemporary that follows Blue,whose brother killed the father of one of her classmates.In this book we follow Blue's relationships with other people as well as her personal growth as she slowly realizes that the world doesn't revolve around her.
It's fair to say that at first Blue was insuferrable which can be justified by the fact that she's a teenager aka she's exaggerating everything and making everything about herself.
However, her character development throughout this story is great and you can see it clearly just by reading the last lines of the book
I mostly enjoyed her and Maya's chapters. Their interactions and their relationship getting better and better and them slowly turning into friends(well not exactly friends but at least people who don't hate each other) was definetely a highlight of this book.
On the same note, I would like to see more scenes with Blue and her brother and her friend,Jules. Especially with the latter one because even if Jules is called Blue's friend,it doesn't feel like it.
The writing felt really 2010s YA which I wasn't a fan of but we can get past that.
Overall,it was a nice book but it didn't give what I thought it would aka a sad story,a story that would make me consider,that would keep me up at night thinking
Growing up Blue hated her name, even more so when her name became a way to define her as life turned miserable and she has no one to turn to except the new guy Devon whose life is just as much as a mystery. For Blue, starting back at school is something that she has been dreading as Maya is coming back. A few months ago, Blue's brother was involved in a car crash and Maya's dad was killed. Now she can't help but take out her anger on Blue, as since she is suffering, so should Blue. What happens next though is that the school will force Maya and Blue to work together and the pair will discover that despite their differences that they are both hurting and have no one else they can vent to, that truly understands. Meanwhile, Devon is also going through a hard time as his family has become walking Zombies filled with grief and Devon feels like he is losing himself also. Blue was a great coming of age story but also filled with a lot of angst and grief and shows readers too that everyone wears masks and hides behind a facade and you never know what goes on beneath the surface and that sometimes you just need to ask a simple " U OK?" as that may just make all the difference in the world - having someone to talk too.
Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Blue in exchange for an honest review!
Blue is a pretty well done YA contemporary. I'm a big fan of characters not starting off perfect in YA so I loved following Blue as she becomes more complex and finally starts to realize that the world does not revolve around her, her emotions, and her struggles and think that's a very relatable aspect of being a teenager that's seldom explored.
I do think a few plot threads could have been cut (particularly the English class one. English projects that become big and meaningful are really overdone in YA contemporary so they often feel redundant and cheesy anyways, but since the long speech payoff for that comes right before what I think should be the long speech payoff for the main plotline described in the description and it ends up diluting the impact of both.
A fast, interesting story that will appeal to teens. I loved the details of Blue's family dynamics and even through the emotional rollercoaster of depression/anger, I found myself laughing at her perspective of who her mom is-- pyramid marketer, post-it note encourager, etc. And, Devon--who could not love him. He is the sweetest, most charming character I have ever encountered.
*the characters are well-developed *tough topics are handled in a realistic manner *includes backstories/twists that I didn't see coming *mental health *communication *perspective *diversity
This book has a lot of emotions and personal growth in one book that was incorporated together beautifully. L.E DeLano did a fantastic job of establishing Blue's multiple storylines with Maya, Devon, and her family life and then bringing them all together by the end of the book with their subtle interconnections that brought us to the end. This is a perfect Y.A novel for those who are struggling dealing with a difficult home life and school life and teaches the importance of communication and seeing past the surface of an individual.
This book follows Blue, a teenager who is going through a difficult time after her brother was involved in a car accident that left Maya's, a fellow classmate, father dead. While Blue struggles with a new home dynamic without her brother and pushy parents, she is now faced with a harrowing time at school as Maya returns to school. Maya takes her anger and grief out on Blue passive-aggressively, acting a bully, and Blue struggles with her feeling of being responsible through association. After one last passive-aggressive act from Maya in front of the whole class Blue lets her feelings out and the story of Maya and Blue evolves from here. There is a new kid in town, Devon, who Blue meets at the neighbourhood playground while she was trying to be alone with her thoughts. Devon has his own mystery but is positively influencing Blue to take the higher road and validating her feelings. Blue realizes that Devon knows so much about her but she knows little to nothing about him in return. At her attempts to get to know her new friend she soon realizes how private Devon is and the mystery of why sparks in her mind. While she wants to know him deeper, she also wants to respect him and not push too far but the lines get crossed when her friend puts odd thoughts and explanations in her head that causes strain on their relationship.
While not the happiest of stories, it is a story to be remembered. The mystery of Devon I did not see coming! Blue's, Maya's and Devon's stories all broke my heart. Being a teenager is hard and these three characters had to endure and overcome so much it is impossible not to love them.
A HUGE thank you to the author for providing an eBook of "Blue"
I absolutely loved this book. It was an easy read and had every feel of being in high school and the challenges that arise. It is everything a teen facing the 21st century needs to read. Adults as well. I don’t know how many times I stopped to write an idea down to journal for later; how much inspiration it gave me. How some parts touched my heart so so much.
The story follows a high school girl named Blue whose brother killed another students (Maya) father in a car accident. Her story picks up with Maya coming back to school after a year away and both girls find themselves thrown into drama, healing, forgiveness, and family affairs.
Although Blue wasn't involved in the wreck, she is forced to face the aftermath and backlash of rumors and bullying. While she is struggling to find her balance, the new kid at school, Devon, enters her story as a love interest and friend through it all. Devon has his own personal baggage so Blue has multiple relationships she is trying to navigate and repair (which as a teenage girl is very hard to do).
There is a side to every story and we learn these sides as healing and forgiveness between Maya and Blue unfolds and develops into some semblance of a friendship. There is always a story we don’t know about in someone’s life and that major theme took all my feelings.
The book addressed so many things well, including mental health, racism, perspective, understanding, and family dynamics. I felt right back in high school. I loved the growth in both Blue and Maya and the easy banter between the supporting characters. This is my honest review of the book!
I enjoyed reading Blue. It is everything a teen surviving through the 21st century needs. This is the story of some high-school-going teens whose life goes upside down as things none of them has any control over happen and how they react to it.
Some things I absolutely enjoyed; 1. Discussions about mental health and familial relationships 2. Healthy romantic relationship where the characters value themselves and each other 3. Pop culture references that weren't overdone 4. Character development - all the characters in the book evolve as the story unfolds and the reader gets to know them on a very deep level, even though the book itself is very short 5. The reader gets to see everyone's perspective even though the story is conveyed through a single Point of View 6. How the story is centred on getting to know others' perspectives and checking your privilege 7. The dynamic between the characters (especially between Blue and Maya, and between Blue and Jack(Blue's brother)) 8. The energy and bonding between Blue (the main character) and Devon (the love interest) and how real and non-toxic it is (I mean, that's hardly something we see nowadays) and how sweet and goofy they are too.
I received an eARC from the publisher via Netgalley in return of an honest review.
Have tissues close by! It is heartbreaking but also hopeful. The main characters all have such depth, and I loved the unearthing of their stories and private lives. Plus Blue and Devon were *swoon*.
This is SUCH a powerful story. DeLano is solidifying herself as one of my favourite authors. I have loved everything I've read from her. This book takes on quite a different tone from her previous duology, Traveler, but still fits in the same type of style. If Traveler didn't have elements of magic, it would be very similar to this story. I mean that in a good way. This book deals with a lot of very important topics. It deals with moving past pain, forgiveness, not letting one thing define your entire life, looking beyond yourself to the needs of others, and giving people the chance to explain things. What I loved about this was that the main character was not perfect, and she recognized that in herself. Every time I found myself getting annoyed at her, she would also get annoyed at herself. It helped get rid of that horrible feeling where you just HATE the main character. I also loved where her connection with Devon went. The reveals at the end made this entire story fit together even better. I just... agh I haven't enjoyed a YA contemporary this much for a long time. I am so glad I gave this one a go. It's definitely getting added to my favourites shelf.
This may be my favorite read of 2021. High school junior, Blue, is as blue as her name. Her older brother, Jack, recklessly drove after a party and was involved in an accident that killed a man. A man with a wife and three children. The man may or may not have been partially to blame, but he’s dead. Though Jack was under the legal limit, he was also underage and drinking. Blue’s life is forever altered, but so is Maya’s, the daughter of the man killed, who also happens to go to Blue’s private school. Maya blames Blue for the loss of her father, even though Blue had nothing to do with the accident. The bullying at school as a result of Maya and her possy of friends is unrelenting, but as with everything, there are always two sides to every story.
After Blue and Maya get into a classroom altercation, they’re stuck in detention together where the school counselor is determined for them to learn how to co-exist in the school, forcing them to work together on a school club. It goes anything but smoothly, but Blue and Maya learn that neither of them is who they assumed the other to be, and that everyone has secrets they don’t want the world to know. And that includes Blue’s new boyfriend, Devon, who is hiding something so horrible, she isn’t even sure she wants to know what it is.
Plot The story centers around Blue and Maya’s relationship. The way Maya treats Blue early on, I was hoping she wouldn’t get a redemption arc, but by the time I got halfway in, I was rooting for it. The author does an amazing job of creating sympathetic, yet flawed characters that pull at you. Blue may live in a big house and have lots of money, but she discovers her life isn’t so different from Maya’s after all. A strong subplot is her relationship with Devon, and it may go down in history as one of my favorite teen romances.
The Characters All the characters are amazing. I loved Blue and Devon from the very first scene. Neither is perfect, but they’re so easy to adore. Maya grew on me. She’s got a massive chip on her shoulder, but for good reason. She deals with racism, classism, and dark family secrets in addition to losing her father. She makes it hard to love her, but she still manages to dig her way into my heart through amazing character development and writing by the author.
Top Five Things I Loved About BLUE 1. Blue. She’s perfectly imperfect. She’s kind, but she still makes assumptions about other people. Her heart’s in the right place, but she still manages to say the wrong thing far too many times. She realizes she lives a life a lot of other kids don’t, but she still takes much of it for granted.
2. Devon. The boy with the dark secret who still manages to be so upbeat most of the time is my soulmate.
3. Maya. The life she’s lived, the secrets she keeps, the burdens she carries all shape who she is, and as I got to know her, my animosity toward her melted away and I just wanted to hug her.
4. Secrets. The secrets everyone carries slowly unfold at just the right pace to keep me turning the pages.
5. Plot. I absolutely loved the plot. The author did a masterful job of making me feel all the feels, even when I didn’t want to.
Bottom Line My favorite read of 2021 so far! Loved the characters, the story, the writing, everything!
Disclaimer I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
“Blue” by L.E. Delano is an intense and completely engrossing YA novel about perspective.
Blue is a high school junior who is dealing with a lot of angst. Her brother Jack is currently incarcerated because he was involved in a car accident that resulted in the death of a man. This man had a daughter who goes to school with Blue. After taking a break, the daughter returns to school with a vendetta against Blue. Initially, Blue doesn’t feel she has anyone to really talk to about this. Her friends seem to like to stir the pot a bit. She is so angry at her brother she won’t talk to him. Her Dad is always away for work, and her mom tries to console her with inspirational quotes, while she chases after her next MLM project. But then one day, Blue meets someone new in her neighborhood and they connect with each other. He seems like the perfect boyfriend, except she knows he is withholding secrets of his own. Blue and Devon need to learn to really open up with each other if they want to move forward.
I loved reading “Blue!” While it is written for young adults, I still found myself unable to put it down. I do believe this is one of the best books that I’ve read this year. Delano, the author, really brings the protagonist to life in this story. She is a teenager whose been handed a situation that goes beyond what most teens have to handle. Her classmates handle the situation in a way that causes as much drama as possible, for someone who had nothing to do with the situation caused by a family member. She is the scapegoat simply because she is present. We see this happen in so many situations, and for a teenager, it is extremely difficult. Blue has an adviser in high school that guides her to find better ways to cope with what is happening. I felt that there are some valuable lessons in this fictional story, in this area. Teenagers and those who work with them will pick up some nice ideas here. Blue’s romance with the new kid in town was also very real to me. She goes through all the angst that I remember feeling as a teen with a crush. Reading this book brought back so many memories of how I felt in high school. I am so glad those days are gone!
“Blue,” is a must read for teens and anyone else who enjoys a great fictional story. I think this makes a great selection for a reader’s group because there are so many interesting layers to discuss. I will definitely be reading more books by this wonderful author.
I'm loving the fact that I am reading so many new authors and Ms. Delano has written a wonderful book about death and the consequences of people's actions.
Blue is a seventeen-year-old who is angry at the world. Her mother is in her business all of the time while she hardly sees her father, and her brother, Jack, has done something that makes her the pariah at school. In addition, Maya Rodriguez is coming back to school and is out to get her for something she didn't do. If that isn't enough, there is an annoyingly cheerful new guy named Devon who keeps harassing her. And did I mention, Blue hates her name?
Blue is a strong and patient young woman who truly wants a truce with Maya, but Maya is not having it until they are thrown in detention together after an altercation in class. Watching these two fight it out and express their feelings is very well written. It reveals the torment and loss that each of them has endured over the last year. Devon is an enigma with his cheery persona and his disappearing acts. Once he starts to get Blue to open up about her life and the tragic accident last year, he keeps his close to his vest. His romantic gestures and declaration that Blue is his girlfriend are fast, but he doesn't want to waste time. He knows what he wants and these two really click with their playfulness and quirky sense of humor. Though Devon should have revealed his heartbreaking secret to Blue much sooner, she doesn't hesitate to return the favor and be there for him.
Blue's mom clearly has issues with her husband working all of the time seen by her attempts to keep busy selling a multitude of products from cosmetics, lotions, and healthy shakes which she has stored all over their house. Without giving anything away, Blue's brother Jack is another character who is dealing with a lot and is having an incomprehensible effect on Blue's life.
I highly recommend this enlightening young adult novel full of angst, forgiveness, and guilt by association. The characters are engaging and genuine and the plot is very realistic. I can't wait to pick up a book by this author again.
Thank you to Ms. Delano for giving me the opportunity to read this book with no expectation of a positive review.
I approached this book from a very different angle than I normally approach books because I knew it was a distinctly YA book about teenagers, loss, grief, and socioeconomic/racial divides. This isn’t a romance, though it does have romantic elements in it: it’s a character study in human collateral damage.
This is mostly a story about two teenage girls: Blue and Maya. Blue’s brother and Maya’s father got into a car collision in the middle of the night, and even though Maya’s father passed away as a result, it was never conclusively proven who actually caused the accident. Maya’s father had been texting while driving, but Blue’s brother had been doing a little underage drinking that night, too. Between the dubious status of whether or not her brother had been over the legal limit when the accident happened and the fact her brother got off very lightly with a plea deal on a manslaughter charge because her family could afford a very nice lawyer, she’s already not looking forward to starting up the new school year. And then she finds out Maya is coming back to school after being homeschooled for the past year, and Maya doesn’t waste any time letting it be known she wants to make Blue’s life miserable.
At the same time, there’s a third teenager with a story to tell in this book: a new kid in town named Devon. His story takes the longest to tell and it’s part of the romantic subplot, but he’s such a sweet character I just loved him.
It’s not the best book ever written, but this book is written for a specific audience, and it’s pitched perfectly for them. It’s dry, witty, blunt, sometimes crass, cynical, and not afraid to expose its heart to you. Even if it hurts. And I think we can all use a little more emotional honesty in our lives.
Blue is a blisteringly fast YA drama from L.E. DeLano that has picked up multiple indie book awards and deservedly so!
At the core of the story is Blue and she is struggling at school with drama that stems from a horrific fatal accident her brother caused the year before. She feels outcast and takes solace in a new kid at school partially because he doesn’t know about this drama. It turns out that everyone in this book has more to their story and the last third is where these secrets come to light.
The book is short. That isn’t a bad thing. There are no wasted pages here and I also liked the short chapters. L.E. treats pages like real estate. There is no wasted space. Each moment is carefully selected and if not necessary, she speeds through the plot only to slow down for the moments that matter. Strong formatting that includes tears along the margins and effective text bubbles to show phone conversation elevate the reading experience.
On the character front. They were all great but I tend to gravitate towards small supporting characters. For me, my standout was the mom. I just loved the comedy we see through Blue's thoughts as she interprets her mom’s various MLMs and the inventory from all the failed ventures.
Highly recommended for fans of YA dramas like The Perks of Being a Wallflower or anything by Jennifer Niven (All the Bright Places) / John Green (The Fault in Our Stars).
Where do I start? There were so many turn of events that I couldn’t even fit in a short break from reading. It’s been a while since I’ve felt such an emotional connection to a book.
Blue is such a thoughtful, heartfelt character. There were so many moments while I was reading where I felt that she and I were sharing the same thoughts and questions of the people around her.
She was able to talk her way through everything she faced, and not in the obnoxious way where she didn’t let her own words resonate with her. She took the stories she heard for more than face value, and really tried to understand why someone acted and felt the way they did. The character development was incredible.
I felt that the book really focused on looking at life and those you saw in it, without judgment. Everyone has their own story; their own pain to deal with. And with just a little understanding, and the willingness to listen to a story, it can make all the difference in how someone lives their life.
I believe that forgiveness, kindness, and learning from loss were the major themes in this read, and I cannot wait to share this recommendation with my fellow book lovers. On a side note: I have to agree with the Fritos theory 🐾
This genre was not my usual reading material. As the story progressed, we met Blue, her family and friends, her enemies, and the new boy. There were a lot of issues encountered through the telling of Blue's life, some were hard to deal with, some were how to cope with situations, and some brought tears to my eyes. For me, I felt some moments were dragged out a bit too long, but overall, this is a book that I would recommend.
I received a copy of this story through Xpresso Tours, and this is my unsolicited review.
This had a lot of potential but I do feel like it fell a little short of the mark. It discusses a lot of important themes and is pretty well written, I just couldn't engage with the content and I didn't connect at all with Blue.
It is pretty fast-paced though and covers a lot of areas of diversity which is always great to see. I just didn't sync with the style or the story, unfortunately.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an arc of this in exchange for an honest review.
This book was unexpectedly wonderful. I thought I would be reading a story about grief and depression, but it was so much more. The strength of these characters, the power of their conversations, and the masterful way their underlying stories and hidden secrets wove together kept me engaged and alternating between laughter and tears to the very unexpected plot twist at the the end.
This book is best described as a cold hug. Reading it was bittersweet. But I loved the characters and how each of them developed, especially Maya's arc in the middle. The world-building was subtle and the plot was slow, yet powerful. The only critique I have is the love story between Blue and Devon. It felt out of place and badly developed. 3.5/5
This was a fascinating story. I really liked the characters and how it all came together. I’m not much of a YA reader but this one caught my attention and I had to see it through! I’ve never read this author before and I’m glad I gave her a try!
Sure wished I could give this book more then 5 stars! Amazing read! Well put together! This book took me on a roller coaster ride that was real close to home! Loved reading this!