The Soul of Desire: Discovering the Neuroscience of Longing, Beauty, and Community

by Curt Thompson, Makoto Fujimura (Foreword)

Foreword INDIES Book of the Year Award Finalist
IVP Readers' Choice Award We are people of desire. In The Soul of Desire , psychiatrist Curt Thompson suggests that underneath all our longings is the desire to be known―and what's more, that this fundamental yearning manifests itself in our deep need to make things of beauty, revealing who we are to others. Desire and beauty go hand in hand. But both our craving to be known and our ability to create beauty have been marred by trauma and shame, collapsing our imagination for what God has for us and blinding us to the possibility that beauty could ever emerge from our ashes. Drawing on his work in interpersonal neurobiology and clinical practice, Thompson presents a powerful picture of the capacity of the believing community to reshape our imaginations, hold our desires and griefs together, and invite us into the beauty of God’s presence. The Soul of Desire is a mature, creative work, weaving together neuroscience and spiritual formation to open up new horizons for thinking not only about the nature of the mind, but about what it means to be human.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Christian, Counselling, Faith, Christian Living, Spirituality

248 pages, Hardcover

Published October 5, 2021

About the author

Inspired by deep compassion for others and informed from a Christian perspective, psychiatrist Curt Thompson shares fresh insights and practical applications for developing more authentic relationships and fully experiencing our deepest longing: to be known.

With a considerable dose of warmth (and surprising measure of humor), Curt weaves together an understanding of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and a Christian view of what it means to be human — to educate and encourage others as they seek to fulfill their intrinsic desire to feel known, valued and connected. He understands that deep, authentic relationships are essential to experiencing a healthier, more purposeful life — but the only way to realize this is to begin telling our stories more truly.

Curt’s unique insights about how the brain affects and processes relationships help people discover a fresh perspective and practical applications to foster healthy and vibrant lives, allowing them to get unstuck and move toward the next beautiful thing they’re being called to make.

Through his workshops, speaking engagements, books, organizational consulting, private clinical practice and other platforms, he helps people process their longings, grief, identity, purpose, perspective of God and perspective of humanity, inviting them to engage more authentically with their own stories and their relationships. Only then can they can feel truly known and connected and live into the meaningful reality they desire 
to create.

Curt and his wife, Phyllis, live outside of Washington DC and have two adult children.

Reviews

[Jenna Watson]

“How are you putting yourself in the path of oncoming beauty?” “What is the next beautiful thing you will create?”

Huge fan of any book that advocates for right-brain superiority (a slight paraphrase) and the necessity of gazing on art and beauty for healing and a flourishing life.

A few favorite insights:
-Harsh words are felt in our body and souls within 3 seconds, but compliments and beauty take 60-90 seconds to sink in. To be affected by beauty, deeply and soulfully, we have to gaze on it for longer than a passing glance.
-When our minds are chaotic or unstable, we can borrow on the clarity and stability of others’ minds. Surround yourself with beautiful thinkers, people. This is community at its finest. Wow.

[Tommy Keough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read all year. So beautiful and encouraging. I could say a whole lot about the ways this reading affected me but my main takeaway is I hope to live in a world where the church increasingly leans into the work of confessional communities!

[Jake Zurawski · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many lightbulb moments that I’ll carry with me for a long time. Definitely a book that seemed to work it’s way into any conversation I had. Excited to continue to dwell on these ideas and how the makeup of my brain is connected to my relationship with God and others.

[Chrystie Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Curt Thompson is an important voice, and this book will be one I refer to often. I am thankful for how he continues to discuss the intersection of faith and interpersonal neurobiology. His work on beauty in this book is transformative for me, and I can't wait to explore it more.

[Daniel Chapman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The gospel is a beautiful thing. It frees us from shame, but frees us to what? I owe a great debt to the work of Curt Thompson for deepening my understanding of the gospel in my life, and this book is a wonderful continuation of that work and a great place to start if you haven't read anything by him before.

The Soul of Desire is a wonderful exploration of interpersonal neurobiology in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and for me it is something that I want to think on more especially the four questions of Jesus that Curt dwells on near the end of the book - where are you, what do you want, can you drink the cup, and do you love me.

At its best, this book points through the wonderful way that God designed our brains to work in community with one another to the cross where Jesus made possible not just freedom from shame, but realization of our desires, and co-creation of beauty.

[Wes Van Fleet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve always had a strong theory that gazing at the beauty of the Lord is the primary means of transformation (Ps. 27:4; 2 Cor. 3:18). Thompson agrees and argues that this type of gazing should be done in a community of people. I cannot exaggerate the importance of this book. Truly beautiful.

[Kimberly Leong · Rating 5 out of 5]

“For indeed, as people of desire and grief, we must learn to live in the space between them. When we do, joy and creativity find us, not as replacements for our suffering but in the presence of and despite it, transforming it and changing our brains along the way.”

In my vocation as a hospice nurse, it sometimes feels like grief is a constant companion. I sit with patients who are grieving the loss of what life once looked like and family members who are holding anticipatory grief in one hand and the pain of being a caregiver in the other. Recently I began taking a pottery class and have been experiencing freedom in simply creating something for the sake of creating and for the sake of beauty. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how all of these things can coexist—pain, suffering, trauma, joy, creation, and beauty. This book was such a kind companion as I have considered these ideas, drawing my attention to the presence and activity of God in these spaces. There is an invitation to renewal in the very process of acknowledging pain and brokenness rather than shying away from it or burying it.

[Maggie Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really enjoyed this! not as transformative to me as the soul of shame, but equally as convicting in how we can and should use vulnerable community to shrug off shame in our lives. i love how thompson weaves the stories of his patients in with IPNB and biblical narrative. the idea of gazing upon and dwelling with beauty was particularly captivating for me, that how we engage with beauty in the world can prime us to create and become beauty, both literally and in our relationships. a very timely read for me in my growth right now.
i recommend this, especially to anyone who is wanting to learn more about how to curate small groups or confessional communities or church bodies to become more sustaining, life giving, and vulnerable.

[Lauren Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible exploration of shame’s affect on human souls, what our desires really point to and how the gospel transforms our lives into beauty. If you need healing, (AKA if you’re human), you should read this book. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really good book about how God has placed desire at the center of our being and how God is calling out that desire to bring renewal, goodness, and beauty to our world. I appreciated how Thompson looks at Jesus's first question, "What do you want?", and argues how participating in a vulnerable, confessional community, will free us to be able to explore that question honestly.

I was struck by this concept that "eternity is not just measured in time; it is measured in depth" and that the depth of our desire to be known is infinite. In this desire to be known, Thompson makes a compelling case for the idea of a confessional community as a place to be seen, soothed, safe, and secure. As we vulnerably relate with others, uncovering shame from past trauma, we experience being known on a deeper level, resulting in healing and in the creation of beauty in and through our lives.

[Adam Jarvis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This started out as an absolute 5 star book. I absolutely loved the first 4 chapters. Amazing insights about desire, beauty, trauma, and shame.

Then beginning in chapter 5, things started getting a little weird, awkward, uncomfortable, and in my opinion, somewhat inappropriate. I would rate the second half of the book as 2.75-3 stars, but there were still amazing insights sprinkled throughout.

I understood the point the author was making, and I thought at the core his views and ideas were true and inspirational, but I didn’t agree 100% with how he went about to accomplish those insights.

Overall, I guess it averaged out to a 4 star book. I’d most definitely recommend the first half.

[Kristi Witmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Struggled to connect with the writing style of the book, but the content gave me much to process as I read. Thompson’s insights on community and how the gospel in the context of community allows us to move forward from places of trauma and shame into places of beauty and wholeness have already shaped my way of processing life and engaging in community (recognizing it’s importance on a whole new level). Also loved the way he wove in concepts of neurobiology and left brain vs right brain thinking and how it affects the way we process—it helped to make certain concepts and habits of thinking very practical.

[Nate Claiborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thompson contends that we are created for beauty and it is not so much a luxury but a necessity (6). What’s more, it’s not only something we are hardwired to experience, but what we long to become. These longings, and this pursuit of beauty, is best done in the context of community, and Thompson offers a glimpse into his confessional communities, which he returns to examples from throughout the second half of the book.

I say a bit more over on my substack: nateclaiborne.substack.com

[Lindsey Williamson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hard to rate this - I’m walking away very thankful to have read it, and I have picked up many valuable things because of it- but it was a slog. It reads like a textbook with way too many words. I’m glad I read it alongside others- the discussions that came from our readings were way more valuable than just reading it.

[Nancy Merrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved the overall concept of this book, especially the case studies, the application of confessional communities, and the overall theme of being beauty creators in the middle of a bombed-out world. Thompson masterfully weaves Scripture with application- how the Truth really does inform and change our trauma and shame into hope and healing. Two reasons for 4 ⭐️: He could have made this book about 30 pages shorter; very redundant in places and just too many words. Also, I get the use of art for reflection but this part seemed like it was his personal experience and the reader didn't have any connection.
Overall a really good primer for caring for our whole selves!!

[Kendra Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took 2 1/2 years to read this book— not because it’s too difficult or lofty. But because it’s a “soak in it” sort of book.

And as I sat with it, I had many moments where, even after having my own experiences with counseling and unlearning shame, I was confronted with assumptions and fears I’ve yet to really deal with. It felt like sitting into a community… learning vulnerability alongside the bravery of those featured in his book.

This book changed my heart and mind in many ways, and I’m so grateful for it. Every one should read this book and learn to do as it calls us to do— create beauty in community.

[Oliver Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

This started out as a 3 or 4 in the beginning. I wasn’t quite sure where Curt was headed. However it moved to a 5 the more I chewed on it. It is now one of the best counseling-related books I’ve ever read. I especially loved how he used Psalm 27:4 in the later half of the book to frame what is happening in the “confessional communities” group therapy practice he does. Will be going back to this one!

[Jessica Rutkowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wright State University graduate, Dr. Curtis Thompson explains how “dwelling in the house of the Lord” among a community of trusted friends can transform shame from trauma and relational/individual disintegration into beauty. Highly recommend this book for anyone hoping for hope and personal restoration and is open to the Christian faith tradition. Thompson’s encouraging message helped me cultivate curiosity for how God wants to move next in my personal healing with Him!!! Highly recommend. Also, this inspired me to be more creative!

[Haley Baumeister · Rating 4 out of 5]

As always, his wealth of expertise - paired with knowledge of scripture - is a uniquely helpful, compassionate guide. A psychiatrist who takes his profession as seriously as he does the complexities of the human soul. More doctors & mental health professionals like this magical unicorn, please.

[Graydon Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Curt Thompson was so helpful to me! This was a compelling vision of community, beauty, healing, and vulnerability. I felt like I was in therapy while reading it! I am especially impacted by his writing about beauty and the way God designed did to gaze at beauty and create beauty.

[Erin]

The first chapter of this book is what inspired my masters in Pastoral Counseling, and I've been slowly reading it while getting my degree. What a beautiful synthesis of so many truths and how they integrate with the world of psychology!

[Anna Spence · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much goodness in this book. I’m encouraged to create more beauty, live more honestly, and allow myself to be known more deeply. And I loooooove that the second half of the book is centered around Psalm 27:4… brought whole new meaning to a verse that has already meant a lot to me

[Steven Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book with a focus on beauty. My only drawback is that I’m not sure quite how to implement the groups he speaks about not being a trained therapist. So while what he describes is beautiful, the application may be limited for some. That said, the exploration of Psalm 27 was incredible as well as the four questions to help build relational beauty.

[Caitlin]

lots of food for thought; I enjoyed listening to this!

[Amanda Millar · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a moment to sit and reflect and digest everything this book spoke on. I am inspired, encouraged, and have found my heart opening back up to a place which desires to be vulnerable in order for beauty and healing to take place.

Dr Thompson speaks at great length about how human beings basic desires are to be seen, soothed, safe, and secure. In a world riddle with brokenness, pain, loss, trauma, and grief, so often we find ourselves paralyzed due to hurtful experiences. Through the gospel, Dr Thompson breaks down what it looks like to reclaim the areas of our lives scorned with shame and kept in the dark, so that ultimately beauty can blossom and bloom yet again. We are all drawn to beautiful things, which totally makes sense because we were created in the image of a God who creates beauty. Thompson goes through example after example and speaks about how sometimes the most beautiful creations have emerged from pain (Genesis 3; Eve being created out of Adam’s rib - talk about physical pain!! ouch! Jesus’ death and resurrection).

Anyways.. as image bearers, we desire to be known, to be seen, to be secure, safe, and soothed. We have been created to bear God’s image in order to reflect it by extending his endeavor to create goodness and beauty. We desire to be treasured and cherished and loved. We must get to a place where we are able to be vulnerable within a safe community to shine light on areas of ourselves that have been so deeply hurt and allow others to speak truth, wisdom, and encouragement into the lies we may believe.

This book was a masterpiece. so eloquent. so poetic. it spoke to so much of what I yearn for and where I am at within the context of Jesus as our savior and how He came to set us, the captives, free (Isaiah 61:3). Dr Thompson used kintsugi as an example for our own lives and how we are made even more beautiful than before, because of what we have endured, because of Jesus Christ! Kintsugi is the japanese practice of taking broken vessels and pottery, piecing it back together, and then ultimately tracing and placing gold into the cracks, which gives the piece more value than before it first broke. Just think about how profound that is. More valuable than before.

We desire to dwell, gaze, and inquire upon the House of the Lord all the days of our lives and there is so much beauty around us to swim in and create. I am taking this book with me and will be rereading it over and over again. It was honey for my soul.

Please read it! This book and “An Impossible Marriage” are the top books for me in the year 2022.

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. It will take me a while to fully digest this one, but I want to keep it on my mind for a long time. If you haven’t read The Soul of Shame, I would recommend reading it first, as it draws from some of the themes outlined there. In both books, Dr. Thompson has a way of cutting to the heart of a matter with deep questions that you can’t possibly answer at first thought. This book in particular is about learning to more fully engage the right brain when interacting with God, self, and others, but really it’s a primer for developing a whole different way to think about life in the midst of trauma, grief, and the beauty and joy that exist in their tension. It’s not a quick read - not because of its length, but because it’s innately “illogical,” meant to stretch your imagination of what the purpose/outcome of suffering entails and how relationships serve to help create something new from something that appears broken.

Overall, I loved the book, but there is one aspect that was left wanting. He spends a lot of time talking about a specific type of group therapy and using stories from group members to illustrate why the format is so transformative. But the book doesn’t really provide any resources for seeking out that type of support. All of the stories are really moving, but unfortunately that specific concept ends up feeling inaccessible. The rest of the information and several very pointed questions allow the majority of the book to feel helpful and insightful.

[Stephen long · Rating 5 out of 5]

Um, yeah idk really what to say other than give it a read. Just beautiful.

[Deitra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good info but a very dense read.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 This book will make you want to go to therapy. And that’s a really good thing.

This book felt less intentional than Curt’s other book, the soul of shame. As if he got a deadline from a publisher to produce a sequel after gaining new notoriety and rushed to put words on a page. Nonetheless, the wisdom he offers is really important.

Are there places I disagree with him and wish he had used more inclusive language/theology? Sure. Do I wish he had found some more diverse examples of art outside of the classic evangelical intelligentsia pantheon? Definitely. But the stories he shared, and the invitation he’s offering to us to invest in the transformation of our trauma and shame into beauty, into seeing and honoring our deepest longings, is important soul-work. He really hit his stride in the last two chapters.

Lots of wisdom to mine here. Perhaps not as shiny as you might find elsewhere, but a really helpful starting place, especially for those newer to the theories of interpersonal neurobiology. The point, once again: go to therapy, especially therapy that puts you in contact with a community of shared grief and commitment. Healing is possible.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many of us have been told “God won’t waste your pain” and “There’s no way around pain, only through” but In Soul of Desire, Curt Thompson gives us a roadmap of what that can look like, and on the other side isn’t just growth, it’s the creation of beauty - in ourselves, our relationships and our world.

Like with any road map, we each may not follow exactly the same path at the same rate, and there may be stops and delays along the way but Soul of Desire clearly lays out a path that Thompson tells us leads not just to healing but flourishing. As with many trips, he also tells us that rather than journeying alone, we do better traveling with others, (what he calls a “confessional community”) - people committed to listening, even to the hard and sinful, and staying with us as we move through difficulty to become more of who we were created to be. The patient examples he uses are accessible and relatable and the theme of Kintsugi (mending broken pottery with lacquer and gold) provides an apt illustration of that which was broken being even more beautiful after mending than the original.

Although Soul of Desire can be read as a stand-alone, it follows well Thompson’s previous works: Anatomy of the Soul and The Soul of Shame. Soul of Desire is dense but not difficult. It’s not a quick read, but that’s ok. It’s a book best read slowly and thought about. In this as in the others, it’s as if Thompson is sorting things out in his mind and allowing us access to all he’s sifted through, experienced, and discovered. It’s a lovely, thought-provoking, hopeful journey.