There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Shakespeare
After 73 years on the Autism spectrum, I no longer listen closely to folks who complain overmuch. Why should I? I have a far better time reading my ebullient buddies' books. As in LITERARY buddies…
And Coleridge was one of the first of 'em!
But coming of age comes even to those with Asperger's, and it means coming down to the crunch. Being a believer in a Higher Being, I loudly protested and attempted to avoid it.
This is the dense memoir, full of amusing literary segues and reminiscences, of which the style primarily decided my own present-day way of writing. When I read it over the Christmas break in 1969, I immediately sensed that it was, for me, the right way to write.
So my reviews now are chock full of my own dreams and memories.
When Coleridge wrote it, he was a full-fledged opium addict. Hence its style is somewhat loose and disjointed. But, man, is he fun to read!
Here Coleridge revels at first in his rocky relationship with the epochal William Wordsworth, after their initial meeting and melding of minds in Lyrical Ballads, co-written in the English Lake Country. And, natch, he dishes the dirt on his critics.
So it is fun, though not so much for me at the time, for various reasons which I'll divulge later. And Coleridge?
Well, his heyday was over and he knew it. The reason he could still write with any joy lies in the medicinal laudanum (opium) he was prescribed for his nerves. So it goes. Like my own meds.
But first a bit about how reading it made me later spiral downward to the point where I finally made my decision to boycott my own coming of age. I know now that it was a 'bad play, Shakespeare,' but I did it anyway...
***
I would find soon enough under intense sequestered scrutiny that the evil Siegfried in the sixties sitcom, Get Smart, really DID have 'Vays to make us Talk!' It all started by my reaction to a single essay in my Music and Tonality course, which ended that March.
You see, the essay that would determine my mark on that course hinged on was an outline of the tonalities in Wagner's Tristan.
Simple? Wait for it...
It was anything but.
Wagner's late tonal structure is ALL OVER THE MAP. It was, of course, impossible to map that chromaticism into tonalities. I thus abandoned the essay as it was humanly impossible. And barely passed that course.
It was due to that anomaly that I decided to adopt that same party line with the abandoning of adolescent absolutes that is coming of age. I boycotted it. And as I said earlier, the Siegfrieds of this world opposed me.
I became, as with Coleridge here, an avid supporter of the puritanical Clerisy: the imaginary Kingdom of Heaven for true idealists!
But modern psychological treatments are a rum thing. If you don't fit the square hole nowadays, you're MADE square, alas...
***
Now that you know of my boycott on ever fully maturing, I can go back to reading Coleridge that Christmas break...
I got to the point in my reading, you see, where I needed to find a certain Coleridgean reference in Mom's library to decide on a matter of interpretation. You couldn't Google it back in '69! So I walked over a few paces to go see an adult library clerk.
There was some sort of discussion going on, but I went ahead anyway, after excusing myself. They wouldn't mind - it'd only take a sec. That clerk was only asserting her power -
Only, back then, I had never encountered raw power in process between adults!
I thought it was just assert, bargain, come to a compromise and make a deal. Jacques Derrida, in his study of Rousseau - Of Grammatology - told me that it was something Much different. He calls it The Supplement. We Faithful Ones call it Sin.
Accepting it or rejecting it are both thresholds into adulthood. In my day and political climate acceptance was encouraged, and I rejected it. The repercussions were difficult, to say the least!
And Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Jacques Derrida Rejected this coming of age as well because of it, also, preferring their natural manner.
But read Derrida on Rousseau if you want to glimpse a Vaster and Higher World… this is not a joke.
***
And now, on clear days like today, I'm happy.
Constrained by my meds, as Rousseau and Coleridge were later constrained in modern times by a mocking diagnosis of bipolar disorder -
I can Still see my original, natural life clearly - Through a Glass Darkly.
Just as Coleridge did all the rest of his life...
With a little help from his friend, medicinal opium.