How to Be Childless: A History and Philosophy of Life Without Children

by Rachel Chrastil

In How to Be Childless: A History and Philosophy of Life Without Children, Rachel Chrastil explores the long and fascinating history of childlessness, putting this often-overlooked legacy in conversation with the issues that childless women and men face in the twenty-first century. Eschewing two dominant narratives, that the childless are either barren and alone, or that they are carefree and selfish, How to Be Childless instead argues that the lives of childless individuals from the past can help all of us expand our range of possibilities for the good life.

In uncovering the voices and experiences of childless women from the past five hundred years, Chrastil demonstrates that the pathways to childlessness, so often simplified as "choice" and "circumstance," are far more complex and interweaving. Balanced, deeply researched, and richly realized, How to be Childless will empower readers, parents and childless alike, to navigate their lives with purpose.

Genres: Nonfiction

232 pages, ebook

First published August 1, 2019

About the author

Rachel Chrastil is Associate Professor of History at Xavier University. Chrastil received her Ph.D. in History from Yale University and her B.A. in History and French from Indiana University. She was a Fulbright Scholar in 2009, studied at the Université de Provence, and has researched extensively across France.

Reviews

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

This latest book about childlessness is very interesting and very challenging. Chrastil informs us that childlessness is not a new thing. Viewed through the lens of the baby boom, it seems to be a new and alarming phenomenon, but she shows by going back through recorded history that childlessness is not that unusual. She tells the stories of various “singlewomen” in the 1700s who never married or had children for various reasons, of women who used various methods and devices to prevent pregnancy, and of women who for economic and social reasons never had the opportunity to become mothers. This part of the book is very interesting, especially as she tracks the trends into modern times. The second half, the “philosophy” part, is more daunting. The average reader will be mired in academic language as Chrastil looks at the potential for regret, childlessness in old age, the morality of giving birth when the future of the world is uncertain, etc. A sample of the language: “[Historians] look for contingency, for diaspora, for resistance, for hegemony and subalternity as ways to explain the complexity of the modern world.” In this section, the author’s own preference to be childfree becomes apparent. What I gather from these chapters is that it matters less whether or not we have children than what we choose to do with our lives and how we choose to feel about it. Don’t expect to rush through this one.

[Suzana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A balanced and thoughtful history of childlessness, that helps open up the conversation about this still sensitive topic in a graceful manner. I found the chapter on future regret particularly well written and insightful.

[Agnes · Rating 1 out of 5]

My search for a book on someone mirroring my mindset and physical reality of not having a child nor ever-ever-EVER having wanted one... continues.

I try and not rate books that I've not finished reading. But if a book is so incredibly dull and jumbled and a waste of one's time then a rating and review simply has to be made. So, yes, my judgment happened after having read only 11% then I skimmed to 20% and still found absolute dullness and nothing of importance.

The book is like a ramble of history facts. (And I use the word "facts" loosely here, because it's quite possible that the author is just drawing her own conclusions from what happened to actually what the now deceased person was really thinking/wanting.) Random characters in history that I've never heard of - she introduced 8 of them and I recognized none? Jane Austen would have been a FANTASTIC person in history to use! That's just not good even for a non-history buff. Some told in more detail than absolutely necessary than is needed to demonstrate what point the author was trying to make. Like, who cares what she wore? Not. Relevant. So, my eyes kept glazing over and I'd lose focus on what it is she was trying to explain by introducing this character.

Several pages spent on apologizing to those who have children. Explaining how the author isn't trying to judge said individuals. QUIT APOLOGIZING FOR NOT HAVING HAD A CHILD! OR NOT EVER HAVING WANTED ONE! Author did want them, but then chose not to in the end. I'm much more vanilla than her as I've never-ever-ever-ever-ever-EVER wanted one. If you're going to write about childlessness and you're going to focus on those who by choice didn't have one. Then. DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT! I certainly feel ZERO guilt for never having wanted one, and over the years I've grown quite annoyed and fed up with so many people telling me, "oh, you'll want one." Nope, here I am. 41. And still reeeeeally don't want one. (Shout out to my nurse at the gynecologist when I was 28ish and absolutely certain then I didn't want one and I griped to her about how so many are constantly pushing me to have a baby and I self-assuredly told her I don't want one. And she told me I'm not the only one; that many women feel the same. She, too, didn't want one nor had one, and that it's okay. I wish that nurse-gyno would write a book. I also wish I'd have asked why the heck she chose to work in a gyno's office-certainly the last place you'd find me.)

So, yeah. I had hoped that this book might be good in shedding light on the psychology or the history of people like me. But this book simply is so badly organized and written that even if there is good piece of info buried somewhere among the digital pages of my library borrow; I simply don't have the patience to dig that far. Also, don't have much faith in the author's ability after having read 11% that she would be able to make good points for me that I could then think to myself, "oh yeah, maybe that's why I am the way I am about not wanting a kid."

[Lassarina Aoibhell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book could have used a lot tighter editing - there are several circumstances where there are dropped words, or long meandering paragraphs that could have been substantially clearer. It jumps back and forth a lot between historical anecdotes, data, and philosophical musing, rather than trying to draw a clear historical narrative and then structure a philosophy from that, and I think both aspects (history and philosophy) suffer from the attempted blend. It also has a really distinct Western European bias, and I would have liked to see any indication at all that the author even considered the experiences of childless women in non-Western European countries.

It ends up reading almost more personal meditation/justification than academic book, which is strange since it wants to present itself as academic. I wanted more history; I wanted more attempts to tease out suggestions of how women lived, singly, and fewer personal anecdotes.

That said, there are some interesting pieces of history and philosophy here, and I did like the discussion of the role that choice plays in childlessness--as well as the accumulation of small choices rather than one Big Bang of "nah not gonna." I also really liked the point that, historically and demographically speaking, the Baby Boom is and was a Really Fucking Weird moment.

There is a substantial attempt to discuss the role that economics plays in family planning, but rather less to discuss race--it comes up in the last chapter, but, much as I mentioned earlier the Western European focus, I would have liked to see more consistent discussion of this throughout.

I wouldn't recommend this book to someone who's just getting into the idea of why someone might choose to be childless, although I do think it does a good job of presenting philosophical arguments in favor fairly neutrally, because I think there's a baseline assumption of familiarity with reproductive justice issues that underpins a lot of the writing--or at least I think that, had I not had the familiarity I have, I might have been a little more lost.

Overall I think it was a worthwhile read, if a little confusing.

[Effi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Känner mig verkligen klar med den här djupdykningen i en historielektion om barnfria/barnlösa/barnpersoner. Den innehöll galet mycket årtal och statistik. Roligast att läsa om hur många som faktiskt valde barnfrihet innan ens preventivmedlet kom från USA hela vägen till Tyskland och Norden plus personliga historier om olika kvinnor och deras livsstilar från typ 1600tal till 2000tal under och efter olika krigstider och kriser. Men boken blev trist ibland. Kanske för att författaren var så PK och hela tiden ville försvara folk som skaffar barn. Vem bryr sig? Det var inte därför jag valde att läsa en bok om barnfrihet/barnlöshet? Ok jag fattar att båda perspektiven är viktiga. Speciellt om ledsna och barnlösa läsare vill läsa boken och känna sig mindre ensamma. Viktigt ändå att lära sig att kvinnor som velat klara sig själva med olika framgång pga. Omständigheter (it's a mans world) och valt bort barn har funnits långt innan 1900talet och varit mycket mer poppis än vad det är idag trots pågående miljökatastrof, krig och miljoner människor på flykt.

[Ilona Suviranta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rachel Chrastil explores childless lives expertly through the insights of history and philosophy. The greatest accomplishment of this book is how it manages to relieve tensions between the typical arguments between childless and childful lives. Instead of pitting the two life styles against each other, Chrastil shows the importance of diversity and support.

I only wish this book was a little less academic and more easily approachable. The insights that Rachel Chrastil shares on the topic should be more accessible to all kinds of readers.

[Jaime Leigh]

Read for my final project on the Childfree by Choice movement for ENG 290: Rhetoric of Social Movements class Spring 2023.

Not going to rate this book because I didn't finish the last 30% that I didn't need for my research, but it was exactly what I needed for my project and was incredibly indepth, clear, and well written. I'd recommend for anyone looking for information on the history of the choice to be childfree or voluntary childlessness, examples of childfree individuals globally, as well as sociopolitical impact/influence of the movement.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I dislike the choice of the word “childless” in the title (not reproducing hardly means someone has a deficit or is “lacking”), the contents of this book are good. Strong historical research about the existence and experiences of non-parents throughout history in Europe and North America. It provides a sober and thought-provoking counterpoint to the culture wars where each side likes to cast the “others” as selfish and evil.

[Tania · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting statistics and views of how common Childless couples and lifestyles were dating back centuries.