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I Came All This Way to Meet You: Writing Myself Home
From New York Times bestselling author Jami Attenberg comes a dazzling memoir about unlocking and embracing her creativity—and how it saved her life.
In this brilliant, fierce, and funny memoir of transformation, Jami Attenberg—described as a “master of modern fiction” (Entertainment Weekly) and the “poet laureate of difficult families” (Kirkus Reviews)—reveals the defining moments that pushed her to create a life, and voice, she could claim for herself. What does it take to devote oneself to art? What does it mean to own one’s ideas? What does the world look like for a woman moving solo through it?
As the daughter of a traveling salesman in the Midwest, Attenberg was drawn to a life on the road. Frustrated by quotidian jobs and hungry for inspiration and fresh experiences, her wanderlust led her across the country and eventually on travels around the globe. Through it all she grapples with questions of mortality, otherworldliness, and what we leave behind.
It is during these adventures that she begins to reflect on the experiences of her youth—the trauma, the challenges, the risks she has taken. Driving across America on self-funded book tours, sometimes crashing on couches when she was broke, she keeps writing: in researching articles for magazines, jotting down ideas for novels, and refining her craft, she grows as an artist and increasingly learns to trust her gut and, ultimately, herself.
Exploring themes of friendship, independence, class, and drive, I Came All This Way to Meet You is an inspiring story of finding one’s way home—emotionally, artistically, and physically—and an examination of art and individuality that will resonate with anyone determined to listen to their own creative calling.
In this brilliant, fierce, and funny memoir of transformation, Jami Attenberg—described as a “master of modern fiction” (Entertainment Weekly) and the “poet laureate of difficult families” (Kirkus Reviews)—reveals the defining moments that pushed her to create a life, and voice, she could claim for herself. What does it take to devote oneself to art? What does it mean to own one’s ideas? What does the world look like for a woman moving solo through it?
As the daughter of a traveling salesman in the Midwest, Attenberg was drawn to a life on the road. Frustrated by quotidian jobs and hungry for inspiration and fresh experiences, her wanderlust led her across the country and eventually on travels around the globe. Through it all she grapples with questions of mortality, otherworldliness, and what we leave behind.
It is during these adventures that she begins to reflect on the experiences of her youth—the trauma, the challenges, the risks she has taken. Driving across America on self-funded book tours, sometimes crashing on couches when she was broke, she keeps writing: in researching articles for magazines, jotting down ideas for novels, and refining her craft, she grows as an artist and increasingly learns to trust her gut and, ultimately, herself.
Exploring themes of friendship, independence, class, and drive, I Came All This Way to Meet You is an inspiring story of finding one’s way home—emotionally, artistically, and physically—and an examination of art and individuality that will resonate with anyone determined to listen to their own creative calling.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 11, 2022
263 people are currently reading
10299 people want to read
About the author
Jami Attenberg
13 books1,880 followersI'm the author of Instant Love, The Kept Man, The Melting Season, The Middlesteins, and Saint Mazie, All Grown Up, and All This Could Be Yours, and a memoir, I Came All This Way To Meet You: Writing Myself Home. You can find me on twitter @jamiattenberg. I am the founder of the #1000wordsofsummer annual writing project and have a newsletter called Craft Talk. In 2024 the book version of #1000wordsofsummer will be published along with a new novel. I'm originally from the Chicago area, lived in New York City for sixteen years, and am now happily a New Orleans resident.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 396 reviews
January 28, 2022
I’ve enjoyed Attenberg’s four most recent novels and was intrigued to hear that she was trying out nonfiction. She self-describes as a “moderately successful author,” now in her early fifties – a single, independent feminist based in New Orleans after years in Manhattan and then Brooklyn. (Name-dropping of author friends: “Lauren” (Groff), “Kristen” (Arnett) and “Viola” (di Grado), with whom she stays in Italy.) Leaving places abruptly had become a habit; travelling from literary festival to holiday to writing residency was her way of counterbalancing a safe, quiet writing life at home. She tells of visiting a friend in Hong Kong and teaching fiction for two weeks in Vilnius – where she learned that, despite her Jewish heritage, Holocaust tourism is not her thing. Anxiety starts to interfere with travel, though, and she takes six months off flying. Owning a New Orleans home where she can host guests is the most rooted she’s ever been.
Along with nomadism, creativity and being a woman are key themes. Attenberg notices how she’s treated differently from male writers at literary events, and sometimes has to counter antifeminist perspectives even from women – as in a bizarre debate she ended up taking part in at a festival in Portugal. She takes risks and gets hurt, physically and emotionally. Break-ups sting, but she moves on and tries to be a better person. There are a lot of hard-hitting one-liners about the writing life and learning to be comfortable in one’s (middle-aged) body:
Late on comes her #MeToo story, which in some ways feels like the core of the book. When she was in college, a creative writing classmate assaulted her on campus while drunk. She reported it but nothing was ever done; it only led to rumours and meanness towards her, and a year later she attempted suicide. You know how people will walk into a doctor’s appointment and discuss three random things, then casually drop in a fourth that is actually their overriding concern? I felt that way about this episode: that really the assault was what Attenberg wanted to talk about, and could have devoted much more of the book to.
The chapters are more like mini essays, flitting between locations and experiences in the same way she has done, and sometimes repeating incidents. I think the intent was to mimic, and embrace, the random shape that a life takes. Each vignette is like a competently crafted magazine piece, but the whole is no more than the sum of the parts.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
Along with nomadism, creativity and being a woman are key themes. Attenberg notices how she’s treated differently from male writers at literary events, and sometimes has to counter antifeminist perspectives even from women – as in a bizarre debate she ended up taking part in at a festival in Portugal. She takes risks and gets hurt, physically and emotionally. Break-ups sting, but she moves on and tries to be a better person. There are a lot of hard-hitting one-liners about the writing life and learning to be comfortable in one’s (middle-aged) body:
I believe that one must arrive at an intersection of hunger and fear to make great art.
Who was I hiding from? I was only ever going to be me. I was only ever going to have this body forever. Life was too short not to have radical acceptance of my body.
Whenever my life turns into any kind of cliché, I am furious. Not me, I want to scream. Not me, I am special and unusual. But none of us are special and unusual. Our stories are all the same. It is just how you tell them that makes them worth hearing again.
I did not know yet how books would save me over and over again. I did not know that a book was a reason to live. I did not know that being alive was a reason to live.
Late on comes her #MeToo story, which in some ways feels like the core of the book. When she was in college, a creative writing classmate assaulted her on campus while drunk. She reported it but nothing was ever done; it only led to rumours and meanness towards her, and a year later she attempted suicide. You know how people will walk into a doctor’s appointment and discuss three random things, then casually drop in a fourth that is actually their overriding concern? I felt that way about this episode: that really the assault was what Attenberg wanted to talk about, and could have devoted much more of the book to.
The chapters are more like mini essays, flitting between locations and experiences in the same way she has done, and sometimes repeating incidents. I think the intent was to mimic, and embrace, the random shape that a life takes. Each vignette is like a competently crafted magazine piece, but the whole is no more than the sum of the parts.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
November 20, 2021
The essays in this book are written beautifully by a WRITER (yes, in all caps.) Attenberg is a WRITER. Stunning voice. Funny. Equally, provocative. And truthful. Attenberg’s pen is ferocious. This is a masterclass. Highly recommend getting a copy.
January 26, 2022
This memoir-in-essays is of a woman seeking to find her place in the world, of her determination to make a living by writing; of searches both physical and spiritual. Another focus is on friends. I don’t know Jami, but she seems to be kind and generous, so it’s no wonder she has many friends.
It’s not a spoiler to say she put down roots in New Orleans several years ago, saying elsewhere that here’s where she’s her true self. I’ve participated in her #1000WordsOfSummer and #Mini1000 writing challenges, initiated to help others with the daily impetus to just write. Though she’s quick to say the challenge benefits her, it’s a lot of time and energy for people she mostly doesn’t know.
Her memoir doesn’t deal in gossip and gory details. Many private details remain as such, though she doesn’t spare herself from her blunt honesty. She’s especially lyrical when describing the insights about writing that she’s earned through her journey toward contentment.
December 30, 2021
Attenberg can write. She is a professional writer, period. I didn’t find her life particularly of note (in a way where you could say this memoir is about xy or z) or the idea of a memoir rooted in writing to be particularly of interest to me and YET the book held my attention in a real way. That is a testament to Attenberg’s skill as a writer and sentence crafter. Ultimately the book fizzled toward the end, but mostly the book holds.
February 3, 2022
I realized this audiobook was causing me to suffer from a painful boredom when I turned it off and drove to work in complete silence and decided that the wiz of passing cars was more pleasing to the ear than listening to this book.
January 16, 2022
I've followed this author on social media and I've been looking forward to the publication of her memoir. I requested that my public library obtain a copy and I was first on the list to read it when it arrived.
I've read lots of memoirs, and I was struck a third of the way into this book that the author simply was writing about her own thoughts and observations. There are few relationships in this book, and any that exist aren't central. She briefly mentions interviewing her parents to better understand their lives, but this may be the driest part of the book. I sensed total disinterest, not a relationship with either, not anger or disappointment or love, just disinterest. Towards the end of the book, she writes about a boyfriend, but what does he look like? What drew her to him? What does she find intriguing or joyful or infuriating about him? Who knows? The author also writes briefly about other writers she meets at conferences or other gatherings and keeps in touch with over the years, but the interaction is so minimal, that I don't get to know any of these folks. If you want to read a book that is mostly about an active writer who loves writing, loves solitude, respects her own thoughts, and is very focused on publishing her next book, this memoir might be for you. If you love reading memoirs that have a sense of place, that show how an individual has struggled with a particular challenge throughout life, or been influenced by an important relationship, this book is not for you.
I've read lots of memoirs, and I was struck a third of the way into this book that the author simply was writing about her own thoughts and observations. There are few relationships in this book, and any that exist aren't central. She briefly mentions interviewing her parents to better understand their lives, but this may be the driest part of the book. I sensed total disinterest, not a relationship with either, not anger or disappointment or love, just disinterest. Towards the end of the book, she writes about a boyfriend, but what does he look like? What drew her to him? What does she find intriguing or joyful or infuriating about him? Who knows? The author also writes briefly about other writers she meets at conferences or other gatherings and keeps in touch with over the years, but the interaction is so minimal, that I don't get to know any of these folks. If you want to read a book that is mostly about an active writer who loves writing, loves solitude, respects her own thoughts, and is very focused on publishing her next book, this memoir might be for you. If you love reading memoirs that have a sense of place, that show how an individual has struggled with a particular challenge throughout life, or been influenced by an important relationship, this book is not for you.
January 21, 2022
No time for a lengthy review, but this is a lovely little travelogue through the life of a writer. That certain kind of writer, literary, well thought-of, but not the type who sells tons of books. Attenberg's prose is wonderful but I always hate her characters (unrealistic, almost cartoonishly overblown, frequently irksome) so I have not enjoyed her novels. For the record, it is not that I do not understand her characters -- Attenberg and I are both Jewish women from suburban towns adjacent to Midwestern cities, we both felt the pull of New York, travel widely, love good food and good liquor and good men, have lived part of our adult lives in the South, and value our friendships deeply. I understand her. I just don't think she understands typical non-artsy people and her character development suffers as a result. She makes normal people into vacant people or ridiculous quirky people. People I don't know at all. I like this book though. Attenberg understands herself even if she doesn't get others, and for this book that is all she needs to understand. The book is quiet and thoughtful and it pulled me in. If you enjoy books about writers' genesis and about the artistic spirit, I think you will like this.
August 21, 2021
I loved this. Moving, intimate, bracing, funny, generous, complicated. Like everything she writes, it strikes deep.
January 12, 2022
UPDATE: I have posted a fuller essay ("Jami Attenberg: An Insufferable Narcissist for Insufferable Narcissists") tackling the entire book at the below link:
http://www.edrants.com/jami-attenberg...
"I temped. I filed. I answered phones. I typed up letters, and then I faxed them across town. I pointed people in the right direction. Down the hall. One flight up. You just missed him. I worked in fifty different offices. All these lives. I took food from the conference room without asking. I replaced women on maternity leave. (Never men.) I lent a hand when they were short-staffed. There was a big mailing. Me, alone, in an empty room, stuffing envelopes. Fingers stung with paper cuts at the end of each day. I worked temp-to-perm and was supposed to feel grateful. If you play your cards right, kid. I never made it to perm."
A brilliant novel published last year -- Jakob Guzman's ABUNDANCE -- was an emotionally moving and immensely accomplished work of fiction that didn't make the National Book Award shortlist largely because the literary establishment does not like to hear from people who are both poor and not white. They DO, however, like to hear from white neoliberal dullards like Jami Attenberg, who is one of the most narcissistic and unremarkable writers of our time. Nearly every sentence she writes is so absorbed in herself. And not even in an interesting way like Kate Zambreno or movingly like Leslie Jamison. This is because Attenberg is a solipsistic blowhard masquerading as a sham empath.
There is nothing remarkable in this passage whatsoever. Millions of Americans live like this. Millions more live much harder lives. Yet this ridiculous "memoir" -- dewed in the formulaic cobweb of the chronic first person and written by a sociopath -- has been receiving raves from the bourgie lit brigade. Largely because these tasteless boosters do not recognize anyone in this nation that makes less than $50,000/year and they seldom acknowledge the presence of anyone who isn't Caucasian. Largely because their lives are lies. This vast swath of Biden-voting, risk-averse, toe-the-line privileged scum, who see Saint Jami as their great lord for "suffering" so commonly, have never known real poverty or been homeless or known real struggle. They are, in their own way, as vile in their absence of empathy as Republicans. These unremarkable lemmings would be chewed up in the first ten minutes of the zombie apocalypse. They're the ones who call an Uber or order regularly from Seamless and never think to tip a Doordash driver more than 10%. Oh, but they relate to THIS "struggle." Jami's "struggle." And the whole damn book is like this. Hideous narcissism dolled up as feminist empowerment. The solipsistic cry of the privileged white woman. Me me me. Shut the fuck up. It's disgusting. I cannot convey to you how much I despise this writer. I cannot convey to you in enough words why this book should never have been published.
http://www.edrants.com/jami-attenberg...
"I temped. I filed. I answered phones. I typed up letters, and then I faxed them across town. I pointed people in the right direction. Down the hall. One flight up. You just missed him. I worked in fifty different offices. All these lives. I took food from the conference room without asking. I replaced women on maternity leave. (Never men.) I lent a hand when they were short-staffed. There was a big mailing. Me, alone, in an empty room, stuffing envelopes. Fingers stung with paper cuts at the end of each day. I worked temp-to-perm and was supposed to feel grateful. If you play your cards right, kid. I never made it to perm."
A brilliant novel published last year -- Jakob Guzman's ABUNDANCE -- was an emotionally moving and immensely accomplished work of fiction that didn't make the National Book Award shortlist largely because the literary establishment does not like to hear from people who are both poor and not white. They DO, however, like to hear from white neoliberal dullards like Jami Attenberg, who is one of the most narcissistic and unremarkable writers of our time. Nearly every sentence she writes is so absorbed in herself. And not even in an interesting way like Kate Zambreno or movingly like Leslie Jamison. This is because Attenberg is a solipsistic blowhard masquerading as a sham empath.
There is nothing remarkable in this passage whatsoever. Millions of Americans live like this. Millions more live much harder lives. Yet this ridiculous "memoir" -- dewed in the formulaic cobweb of the chronic first person and written by a sociopath -- has been receiving raves from the bourgie lit brigade. Largely because these tasteless boosters do not recognize anyone in this nation that makes less than $50,000/year and they seldom acknowledge the presence of anyone who isn't Caucasian. Largely because their lives are lies. This vast swath of Biden-voting, risk-averse, toe-the-line privileged scum, who see Saint Jami as their great lord for "suffering" so commonly, have never known real poverty or been homeless or known real struggle. They are, in their own way, as vile in their absence of empathy as Republicans. These unremarkable lemmings would be chewed up in the first ten minutes of the zombie apocalypse. They're the ones who call an Uber or order regularly from Seamless and never think to tip a Doordash driver more than 10%. Oh, but they relate to THIS "struggle." Jami's "struggle." And the whole damn book is like this. Hideous narcissism dolled up as feminist empowerment. The solipsistic cry of the privileged white woman. Me me me. Shut the fuck up. It's disgusting. I cannot convey to you how much I despise this writer. I cannot convey to you in enough words why this book should never have been published.
March 10, 2022
I normally do not gravitate towards reading books on the “craft” of writing which is what I assumed this book was. However, I am a fan of Jami Attenberg’s fiction so I said why not try this out? I am so glad I did. This collection of essays felt so refreshing. Learning more about what it takes for someone who devotes their life to telling stories and sharing their own in such an honest and vulnerable way - had me in tears and it also had me appreciating books even more.
January 7, 2022
For me, personally, Jami Attenberg's memoir does not share a particularly interesting or relatable story but it is phenomenally well-written.
January 3, 2022
‘In fact, we receive so much from other writers when they show us how it’s done. When they position a character’s heart directly on the page for us, when they’re inventive in form or structure, or emotionally true in a way that feels radical in its familiarity. Or when their sentences are so crisp as to be nearly audible, like a piece of paper torn in two—all of this shows us how to do it ourselves, how it’s possible, but also it emboldens us, releases us from our fears about own own work. An encouragement by example. We learn from them, but also, they tell us we can. Without even knowing it. Enter here. Start here. Begin now. This is why it’s always important to be reading. This is why we must always chew on the words of others. It’s nutrition. Eat your dinner.’
I’m an Attenberg fan but this memoir surprised me. I’m in awe of her community building and all she does for the writing community. There is no better cheerleader. I’m not sure this memoir added much to her work for me. I expected there to be more about the work itself. It did though make me consider what it takes to choose to live a literary life in the US (even though advances and royalties are much higher than here). But it’s still a very tough life and she draws a line from her father’s career as a travelling salesman to her own as a writer on tour. I’m so grateful to all writers who, despite it all, put those words on the page and make them beautiful.
I’m an Attenberg fan but this memoir surprised me. I’m in awe of her community building and all she does for the writing community. There is no better cheerleader. I’m not sure this memoir added much to her work for me. I expected there to be more about the work itself. It did though make me consider what it takes to choose to live a literary life in the US (even though advances and royalties are much higher than here). But it’s still a very tough life and she draws a line from her father’s career as a travelling salesman to her own as a writer on tour. I’m so grateful to all writers who, despite it all, put those words on the page and make them beautiful.
February 24, 2022
Began well, but then seemed to ramble on about whatever the author was thinking.
January 26, 2022
I was looking forward to this book, I really was. I thought it would touch on writing a lot more than it did (perhaps 15% of the entire book.)
The book is so unorganized, it made me dizzy. She jumps from one topic to the next one, skipping years forward and backward. But that’s not what killed the joy for me.
She does write well, effortlessly even. Her sentences are pleasurable to read. However.
There’s no nice way to say this, but her life is so… banal, generic, boring. She mentions how she couch surfed to survive being a writer to what aim exactly, I guess to inspire pity to her plight but oh my let’s not forget now it was her own personal choice! She had the skills and opportunities to work full-time and make money, pay rent, bills, etc. I mean, even the great Hanya Yanagihara still works full-time as an editor and manages to produce 700-page masterpieces. All that’s to say, Ms. Attenberg’s “hard life” was entirely through her own decision. Though, based on what I had to go through, I can hardly call it that.
There are some interesting tidbits in the book (like the ghost story) but not nearly enough for me to have enjoyed reading the book. Most is her “went here, then there, and there, and took the bus, plane, drove my car on and on and on.”
Her claim she was “the best writer in my class, in my prestigious private college” repeated several times was self-serving and irritating. And what happened to her with that college “friend” happened to me too. But I had so much more hardship and trauma that experience barely registered in my life, while it completely ruined her college experience. It’s fascinating how one person’s trauma is another’s mosquito bite. That’s not to dismiss pain, pain is pain, just to say that everything that happens should be seen in a more wider perspective. No matter how much I suffered, I know there are people who had it much, much worse. And it’s this awareness that I found Ms. Attenberg is lacking, though she “grew up and wisened up” as she stated.
There are more interesting and important memoirs to spend hours of life on. Ugh. On the other hand, maybe it was just the wrong time for me to pick this one.
The book is so unorganized, it made me dizzy. She jumps from one topic to the next one, skipping years forward and backward. But that’s not what killed the joy for me.
She does write well, effortlessly even. Her sentences are pleasurable to read. However.
There’s no nice way to say this, but her life is so… banal, generic, boring. She mentions how she couch surfed to survive being a writer to what aim exactly, I guess to inspire pity to her plight but oh my let’s not forget now it was her own personal choice! She had the skills and opportunities to work full-time and make money, pay rent, bills, etc. I mean, even the great Hanya Yanagihara still works full-time as an editor and manages to produce 700-page masterpieces. All that’s to say, Ms. Attenberg’s “hard life” was entirely through her own decision. Though, based on what I had to go through, I can hardly call it that.
There are some interesting tidbits in the book (like the ghost story) but not nearly enough for me to have enjoyed reading the book. Most is her “went here, then there, and there, and took the bus, plane, drove my car on and on and on.”
Her claim she was “the best writer in my class, in my prestigious private college” repeated several times was self-serving and irritating. And what happened to her with that college “friend” happened to me too. But I had so much more hardship and trauma that experience barely registered in my life, while it completely ruined her college experience. It’s fascinating how one person’s trauma is another’s mosquito bite. That’s not to dismiss pain, pain is pain, just to say that everything that happens should be seen in a more wider perspective. No matter how much I suffered, I know there are people who had it much, much worse. And it’s this awareness that I found Ms. Attenberg is lacking, though she “grew up and wisened up” as she stated.
There are more interesting and important memoirs to spend hours of life on. Ugh. On the other hand, maybe it was just the wrong time for me to pick this one.
February 20, 2022
A couple of powerful moments unfortunately cannot rescue a rather dull memoire..I really wish she talked as much about her fiction as she did the book tours.
February 16, 2022
Many thanks to #eccobooks, #harperaudio, #librfm and #netgalley for the ARCs of #icameallthiswaytomeetyou.
I feel like I’ve been in therapy with Jami Attenberg and I liked it! 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝗪𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 is her memoir of a creative life that at various times left her broke, sleeping on other people’s couches, drifting around the world, doubting herself, and often alone. Through it all, no matter what else was going on in her world, Attenberg always looked for the next story, the next seed of an idea. Adversity never took her focus off of writing.
The essays jump around in time, and that might have bothered me in print, but it didn’t on audio. The common thread running through Attenberg’s book and her life was the power of the written word and how it always seemed to save her, eventually truly becoming her home. I appreciated her honesty, especially in her openness about the life she’s lived, and the loneliness that often haunted her.
I started this book in print and found it a little slow, so I switched to the audiobook, flying through the rest. Beautiful narration by @xesands made 𝘐 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘞𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 a memoir I definitely recommend listening to. 4.25⭐️'s
I feel like I’ve been in therapy with Jami Attenberg and I liked it! 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝗪𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 is her memoir of a creative life that at various times left her broke, sleeping on other people’s couches, drifting around the world, doubting herself, and often alone. Through it all, no matter what else was going on in her world, Attenberg always looked for the next story, the next seed of an idea. Adversity never took her focus off of writing.
The essays jump around in time, and that might have bothered me in print, but it didn’t on audio. The common thread running through Attenberg’s book and her life was the power of the written word and how it always seemed to save her, eventually truly becoming her home. I appreciated her honesty, especially in her openness about the life she’s lived, and the loneliness that often haunted her.
I started this book in print and found it a little slow, so I switched to the audiobook, flying through the rest. Beautiful narration by @xesands made 𝘐 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘞𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 a memoir I definitely recommend listening to. 4.25⭐️'s
June 14, 2022
What a wonderful way to spend some time: in the company of someone witty, exuberant, enraptured by books and writing and travel and life.
Attenberg has lived a peripatetic life--living in many places and then just moving on. She has met many people, had a variety of loves and jobs but one thing remains constant: books. The reading and writing of them.
I don't know about the other places of which she writes, but she captured the feel of New York City for me. It leads me to trust her ability to accurately evoke a sense of other places as well and I feel I have travelled to many places with her as my guide.
This is exactly the kind of experience I crave when reading. I am grateful to Attenberg for gifting it to me.
Attenberg has lived a peripatetic life--living in many places and then just moving on. She has met many people, had a variety of loves and jobs but one thing remains constant: books. The reading and writing of them.
I don't know about the other places of which she writes, but she captured the feel of New York City for me. It leads me to trust her ability to accurately evoke a sense of other places as well and I feel I have travelled to many places with her as my guide.
This is exactly the kind of experience I crave when reading. I am grateful to Attenberg for gifting it to me.
March 21, 2022
If Jami's writing is the answer to modern fiction, I worry and wonder. I (she says modestly) have moved more times in my life than Jami and while it's true - finding your place in the world with your own discovered truths - is a joy, this book was lacking such a feeling for me.
I admit to making it to Part Two with the usual writer/reader insecurities - I must have missed something, read it too fast looking for something to pull me along. But there was no there, there. I bailed at Part Two after a bit of page hopping and decreed Next!
Part of the problem for me is her chunky style, her need to put us on too many couches, too long in the car - are we there yet?
I see by the title that all's well in Jami's world these days and can send this book back to the library (yes, I rarely buy books these days - support your local library) for more readers to make their own decisions about its merits. As for me, I'm on to something more promising in the novel world and whatever pops up in my Holds at the library.
I admit to making it to Part Two with the usual writer/reader insecurities - I must have missed something, read it too fast looking for something to pull me along. But there was no there, there. I bailed at Part Two after a bit of page hopping and decreed Next!
Part of the problem for me is her chunky style, her need to put us on too many couches, too long in the car - are we there yet?
I see by the title that all's well in Jami's world these days and can send this book back to the library (yes, I rarely buy books these days - support your local library) for more readers to make their own decisions about its merits. As for me, I'm on to something more promising in the novel world and whatever pops up in my Holds at the library.
December 12, 2021
I have read most of Jami Attenberg's fiction and she has a deceptively easy style of writing, making stories fly by. This memoir is similarly written, and allowed me glimpses into her life and process. The reason this memoir stands out is that is dares to show us a woman who doesn't have everything figured out and is just as confused and creative and free in her 40s and 50s, in a way that is not allowed in most fiction.
Truly an interesting read and I think a lot of aspiring creatives would find this honest portrait of a writer to be useful.
Thanks to NetGalley, Serpent's Tail and Jami Attenberg for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Truly an interesting read and I think a lot of aspiring creatives would find this honest portrait of a writer to be useful.
Thanks to NetGalley, Serpent's Tail and Jami Attenberg for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
December 27, 2021
Somewhere between 4 - 4.5
I can never resist an author memoir (think These Precious Days: Essays, The Dragons, the Giant, the Women: A Memoir, Stray and Recollections of My Nonexistence: A Memoir) and I'm pleased to say this one doesn't disappoint. Having only experienced a couple of Attenberg's fiction offerings (The Middlesteins and All Grown Up) I can confirm this makes a very enjoyable read even if you're not overly familiar with her work. Having recently turned 50 Jami Attenberg is at a stage in her life and career where she is perfectly placed to reflect on her past experiences (I'm so done with reading memoirs by people my age...), and I loved the fluid and slightly fragmentary nature of her recollections. Attenberg tells the honest truth of the life of an author and I found it fascinating and refreshing. Highly recommended!
Thank you Netgalley and Serpent's Tail for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review.
I can never resist an author memoir (think These Precious Days: Essays, The Dragons, the Giant, the Women: A Memoir, Stray and Recollections of My Nonexistence: A Memoir) and I'm pleased to say this one doesn't disappoint. Having only experienced a couple of Attenberg's fiction offerings (The Middlesteins and All Grown Up) I can confirm this makes a very enjoyable read even if you're not overly familiar with her work. Having recently turned 50 Jami Attenberg is at a stage in her life and career where she is perfectly placed to reflect on her past experiences (I'm so done with reading memoirs by people my age...), and I loved the fluid and slightly fragmentary nature of her recollections. Attenberg tells the honest truth of the life of an author and I found it fascinating and refreshing. Highly recommended!
Thank you Netgalley and Serpent's Tail for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review.
January 16, 2022
This book is a collection of essays containing several stories about how the author developed her creative identity through her travels and jobs. During these adventures, she begins to reflect on their experiences - the trauma, the challenges, and the risks she has taken over the years. It's about how she kept writing through it all, which helps her define herself as a true artist.
There's so much in this book to unpack. I can't believe how many jobs the author had and how much time she's spent traveling across the United States. The way she described her journeys from the lens of beds to trips was amazing. Here's one paragraph I loved. The author wrote, "The only kind of makeup I have ever really loved is lipstick. I love all the bright colors, wild, hysterical pinks that turn a dull outfit up, poke a hole in a grey day, or bright, sexy, sultry reds that stain my lips for hours marked in some way. I like the way lipstick can interact with my eyes, which I feel like most of the time are happier on their own undressed. I like thinking about my mouth after many years of not thinking about it at all. A thing I like on my face, I can confirm it, my mouth. I will decorate that. It took me many years to arrive at that place, to find a thing I wanted to paint."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jam...
There's so much in this book to unpack. I can't believe how many jobs the author had and how much time she's spent traveling across the United States. The way she described her journeys from the lens of beds to trips was amazing. Here's one paragraph I loved. The author wrote, "The only kind of makeup I have ever really loved is lipstick. I love all the bright colors, wild, hysterical pinks that turn a dull outfit up, poke a hole in a grey day, or bright, sexy, sultry reds that stain my lips for hours marked in some way. I like the way lipstick can interact with my eyes, which I feel like most of the time are happier on their own undressed. I like thinking about my mouth after many years of not thinking about it at all. A thing I like on my face, I can confirm it, my mouth. I will decorate that. It took me many years to arrive at that place, to find a thing I wanted to paint."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jam...
December 29, 2021
Thanks to Netgalley and Ecco for the ebook. The author gives you such an interesting glimpse into the life of the writer by giving you her life and anxieties about her life and not the breakdowns or eureka moments of the actual books she wrote (she refers to the third book as that, never giving you the title). But the everything else is so interesting. Coming from a modest midwestern family, the author lives on the margins of life for so many years with no safety net except for the extraordinary friends she makes along the way. She has such a need for movement. When things get secure at a job she quits. When she’s in a city too long, she moves. You get the feeling that she’s going to be one of those people who was the most talented writer in her MFA class, but then never does much after that. But then she sells a book and then another and on and on until she is a person who can actually make a living as a writer. It’s lovely, after all these struggles, to see her successful and to find a home for herself in New Orleans.
January 23, 2022
I just love the way Jami Attenberg writes! Gorgeous memoir that is laid out in different essays. The essay about her sexual assault and the Kavanaugh hearing was my favorite. Rivaled only by the essay about Amelia Earhart and her friend Kristen.
January 24, 2022
Perhaps it's not surprising that I adored this book. I have long admired Jami Attenberg's writing, but if we're being honest, I think I admired her life more. She's a single woman who has found her own way in the world, making a home in New Orleans, but also in the writing world, where she has fought to make her living from writing and built a supportive and inspiring community through her generosity on social media and #1000wordsofsummer and her craft newsletter.
This memoir in essays is about the journey to do all of those things, but it's also about travel and romance and friendship and family and growing up and making mistakes and words and triumphs and failures. I underlined so many lines because they felt like they were taken straight from my brain.
Lines like:
"As if I could solve the mystery of myself through understanding someone else."
"I knew home was in the books for me."
"I have always slipped into discomfort around affluence."
"I was aware I lived on another planet, but I wasn't quite sure why...I am still flattered when people want to be my friend."
"Do you know this continuous tension of needing and not needing people? Knowing they're nearby, happy they're there, but wishing them away, too."
"It was just so hard not to notice things. I could never shut off my general state of awareness."
"I mistake control of my outward appearance as architecture for my soul."
"The books we carry with us when we travel become a part of that journey."
"A lifetime of the observing of others awaited me, and perhaps I already knew that, I was so comfortable with the behavior, even if part of me knew it would be nice to have that kind of fun, too."
"Who knows what my life would have been like if I'd had any confidence in my appearance as a youth."
"I did not want to change anything about my life--I had worked so hard for it--but also at that moment, I did not want to be alone. I was exhausted with doing all the work of being on my own. I wanted someone to dine with at the nicest restaurant in town."
"I knew that I would live with a certain kind of heartache forever, that it had been ingrained in me since birth somehow. But maybe there could be moments where I soothed it."
Anyway, I loved it. My only criticism? I wanted to read more about her dog!
This memoir in essays is about the journey to do all of those things, but it's also about travel and romance and friendship and family and growing up and making mistakes and words and triumphs and failures. I underlined so many lines because they felt like they were taken straight from my brain.
Lines like:
"As if I could solve the mystery of myself through understanding someone else."
"I knew home was in the books for me."
"I have always slipped into discomfort around affluence."
"I was aware I lived on another planet, but I wasn't quite sure why...I am still flattered when people want to be my friend."
"Do you know this continuous tension of needing and not needing people? Knowing they're nearby, happy they're there, but wishing them away, too."
"It was just so hard not to notice things. I could never shut off my general state of awareness."
"I mistake control of my outward appearance as architecture for my soul."
"The books we carry with us when we travel become a part of that journey."
"A lifetime of the observing of others awaited me, and perhaps I already knew that, I was so comfortable with the behavior, even if part of me knew it would be nice to have that kind of fun, too."
"Who knows what my life would have been like if I'd had any confidence in my appearance as a youth."
"I did not want to change anything about my life--I had worked so hard for it--but also at that moment, I did not want to be alone. I was exhausted with doing all the work of being on my own. I wanted someone to dine with at the nicest restaurant in town."
"I knew that I would live with a certain kind of heartache forever, that it had been ingrained in me since birth somehow. But maybe there could be moments where I soothed it."
Anyway, I loved it. My only criticism? I wanted to read more about her dog!
January 21, 2022
I have read many of the individual essays that make up this memoir about becoming a writer and finding a metaphorical home in books, friends, and places; seeing them all together in one book (and assuming they were transformed from single pieces to a cohesive narrative) was gratifying and emotional. I especially liked the last few chapters and the feelings of reconciliation and self-recognition in them. This is definitely an inward-looking examination of Attenberg's experiences writing novels and feeling untethered, so if that's something that bothers you about memoir in general, know that going in. But for me, I am all for the inward gaze especially if it all comes together in the end.
April 1, 2022
I think I should limit my consumption of memoirs to just a few a year; they are just not my cuppa. Attenberg's experiences are interesting and, certainly, I liked being able to see where her writing path took her, since she did not opt for domestic life over earnestly pursuing her career. Since I am deeply entrenched in the life she avoided, I suppose I can see what she sees in the "negative space" over here.
File Under: Funny How Forgettable the "Memoir" Can Be
File Under: Funny How Forgettable the "Memoir" Can Be
January 26, 2022
My issue with this book is that it was never quite clear what the purpose of the book was or who the intended reader. It was clear that one reader who would probably get a lot from it would be another published writer. At times, the mundane detail felt like it was lifted from a middle schooler’s diary: today I ate lunch at a restaurant with my friend and this is what I ate. At other times, I couldn’t help but wonder if the author’s therapist said right down your life and give some thought to your choices. The problem is there’s very little thought in this book. No real introspection, no real growth and, for this reader, never an understanding as to why this particular person behaved they way she did and what struggles she faced that were any different from any other person, particularly women. Finally, I don’t understand why artists believe that the fact that they are artists excuses behaviors toward friends or family that would not be acceptable from any other person. She makes a lot of excuses for rude and hurtful conduct based on her need to be a writer. That’s just not acceptable.
August 27, 2021
I love a good book about writing, and I don't know why. Maybe because reading about writing feels like writing. Reading is the great, favorite cousin of actually putting words down on paper, so maybe that's what it is. Jami Attenberg's memoir of craft, the writing life, the itinerant, wandering restlessness that can be a major part of being a single woman writer, is like traveling the world with your favorite writing coach or mentor. Readers learn here about Jami's backstory or origin story as the hero of the epic writing journey that never ends, and through her adventures, disappointments, triumphs and epiphanies, we can see ourselves, and what we most love about writing, most clearly. A really gorgeous memoir.
November 28, 2021
An entertaining and introspective memoir of journeys both creative and around the world. Jami Attenberg spent a big portion of her adult life hopping from friend's couches and depending on the kindness of strangers during her self funded cross country book road trips. Plenty of places yielded little book sales but gave her inspiration and then she expanded her travel overseas. She draws from within and from the people she meets to find that golden path to true creativity and owning those things you produce. Taking risks doesn't come naturally to those raised in the midwest but she threw caution to the wind and followed her dreams alone searching for the place she would call home or at least home for now.
My thanks to the publisher for the advance copy.
My thanks to the publisher for the advance copy.
July 5, 2021
I'd surprisingly never read anything by Jami Attenberg previously. Reading her memoir sent me off in search of her fiction books. This book reads like I think: In disjointed streams of consciousness. I felt this was an open, honest, and heartfelt book of essays. I believe if you were already a fan, this will give you insight to the author, and if you have just learned of Ms. Attenberg, you will enjoy her fiction writing even more. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC!
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