Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking, and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex

by Susan Shapiro

In the critically acclaimed Five Men Who Broke My Hear t, Manhattan journalist Susan Shapiro revisited five self-destructive romances. In her hilarious, illuminating new memoir, Lighting Up, she rejects five self-destructive substances. This difficult quest for clean living starts with Shapiro’s shocking revelation that, at forty, her lengthiest, most emotionally satisfying relationship has been with cigarettes.

A two-pack-a-day smoker since the age of thirteen, Susan Shapiro quickly discovers that it’s impossible to be a writer, a nonsmoker, sane, and slender in the same year. The last time she tried to quit, she gained twenty-three pounds, couldn’t concentrate on work, and wanted to kill herself and her husband, Aaron, a TV comedy writer who hates her penchant for puffing away. Yet just as she’s about to choose her vice over her marriage vows, she stumbles upon a secret weapon.

Dr. Winters, “the James Bond of psychotherapy,” is a brilliant but unorthodox addiction specialist, a
former chain-smoker himself. Working his weird magic on her psyche, he unravels the roots of her twenty-seven-year compulsion, the same dangerous dependency that has haunted her doctor father, her grandfather, and a pair of eccentric aunts from opposite sides of the family, along with Freud and nearly one in four Americans. Dr. Winters teaches her how to embrace suffering, then proclaims that her months of panic, depression, insecurity, vulnerability, and wild mood swings win her the award for “the worst nicotine withdrawal in the history of the world.”

Shapiro finally does kick the habit–while losing weight and finding career and connubial bliss–only to discover that the second she’s let go of her long-term crutch, she’s already replaced it with another fixation. After banishing cigarettes, alcohol, dope, gum, and bread from her day-to-day existence, she conquers all her demons and survives deprivation overload. But relying religiously on Dr. Winters, she soon realizes that the only obsession she has left
to quit is him. . . .

Never has the battle to stem substance abuse been captured with such wit, sophisticated insight, and candor. Lighting Up is so compulsively readable, it’s addictive.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Addiction, Psychology, Humor, Biography, Self Help

322 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Kasey Jueds · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm totally fascinated by this book, which I've now read twice. Partly because it's so very funny, partly because Susan Shapiro's life is incredibly different from mine, partly because--in spite of that--I still find things I can relate to in her work and life. This book describes a year she spent undergoing addiction therapy, and quitting an incredible number of substances, including alcohol, cigarettes, bread, and gum (!). She's incredibly honest and, like I said, really very funny, and I'll probably read this book a third time at some point...

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It's the story of one woman's relationship with her therapist, who is an expert in addiction. Susan Shapiro, in addition to being hysterically funny, is honest and appealing. I didn't want it to end.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

as an ex-smoker, I totally connect with Susan Shapiro. As a human who realizes that we are ALL addicted to something (be it cigarettes, drugs, control, fear, power - whatever) I am so grateful for the insight she shares in this book!

[Jessica Beasley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh out loud funny!

[Mary K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Couldn’t get into it. Overblown, too few truly funny moments.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down, no doubt because of my current fascination with the addiction process because I'm in the throes of giving up sugar and alcohol. Shipiro's memoir is like a case study of an addict working with a therapist. She is an engaging writer whose prose flows fluidly and who presents her withdrawal struggles humorously while also making clear that it wasn't funny in the moment. Having just read Gabor Mate's "In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost," I was intrigued with how Shapiro's therapist seemed to be working the same methods as those described by Mate. Some of my favorite lines:

"Underlying every substance problem is a deep depression that seems unbearable."

"Feeling is the enemy of addiction."

"Someone in recovery is feeling feelings they've spent their whole life avoiding and don't know how to process or manage."

"Stick as close to the truth as possible at all times."

"Learn to live in reality with all its discomfort, disappointments, and chaos."

"Anything can be addictive."

Shapiro's book was a good read to solidify my intention to stay off sugar and alcohol and a good book to close out 2015.

[Laurie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted this book to be a lot better than it actually was. It was sometimes-funny, and offers valuable insight to anyone who's ever been addicted to anything. But more than anything, it feels like a self-obsessed rant that is way longer than it needs to be. Halfway through the book, I couldn't imagine what else was left to talk about. I confess! I skipped to the last chapter.

[Beli_grrl · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is without a doubt the worst memoir I have ever read. I am a dumber person for having read it. May God have mercy on her soul for putting this dreck out into the world.

[Sara]

LOVED IT

i love this kind of book. it say on my shelf for too long

the last chapter or so lst a bit of steam, but it is worth it.

funny and a true story

[Tracy Quinn McLennan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well-written and insightful

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've ever had an addiction of any kind...even gum, a wonderful book on why...

[Laura Zam · Rating 5 out of 5]

LIGHTING UP is a book with incredible insight. The author doesn't deliver this in a preachy or sanctimonious way, however. Rather, we get to follow a real person struggling through the real-life drama of trying to kick a habit, only to have another addiction set in. I loved how realistic, and deep, the author got, while keeping a terrific sense of humor (the book is also hysterically funny). If you've ever tried to kick a bad habit (and who hasn't), you need to read this book!

[Sara Neufeld · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sue Shapiro's writing is vulnerable, sharp and hilarious. I'm not a smoker or drinker but still related deeply to her struggles and enjoyed this memoir like a novel; "Lighting Up" is great for anyone wanting to break a bad habit. So many insights applicable to all of us come out of the scenes from her therapy sessions and her reflections on them afterwards. I can't wait to read her "Forgiveness Tour" next.

[Sheila · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book and relate to the author as someone who has quit smoking, but it was brutal forcing myself through it. I gave two stars for the few times she discussed quitting in a way that could potentially help people trying to quit, but for the most part it was insufferable and dragged out more than necessary

[Deborah LaRoche · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely worth the read, though it started to drag toward the end. She is very frank about her own shortcomings, especially about how hard it is to stop swapping one addiction for another. I love her husband for loving her, just the way she needs to be loved.

[K.K. Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really fun read. There is no hook like the beginning of this book. The ending left me a little dissatisfied, and I can't even say why. Maybe I was an addict by the end and didn't want it to stop. It did leave me jealous that I have not had a relationship with a therapist like this, and I want it.

[S.J. Townend · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite a self-indulgent book and written from a position of extreme privilege. Clue is in the title I suppose. Save your pennies, buy some good fiction for distraction or put your money towards therapy instead! An easy read though, fluid prose, mildly humorous in places.

[Danielle Mintzlaff · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book to read.

[Stacie Spaunhorst · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sharp, irreverent, insightful, excellent.

[Nikki Morse · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this again because I quit smoking again. This quit feels different from all of the other ones (at 10 days as of today, and going strong!), so I decided to throw everything at it - a play list, a reasons list, telling everyone, two apps, and this and another more serious quit book.

This memoir is still fascinating - having worked in addiction counseling that was almost entirely behavioral, I'm reminded of how much more sense it makes to also have a psychodynamic approach in addition. To recognize, as Dr. Winter reminds the author Susan, that "underneath every addiction is a depression that feels unbearable."

And, I found her pretty annoying this time. All of the focus on her body, her looks, competing with other women, while insisting she was such a feminist! And oh the self-absorption and obsession! Obviously that's part of the point of the book, but there didn't seem to be very much self-awareness of it. Mostly I ended up being glad that my smoking was no where near hers in severity or emotional basis (or so I think....)

[Gigi Blanchard · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Lead the least secretive life you can," the author's addiction therapist writes. Personally, I'm someone who avoids therapy so this book was especially helpful for me to realize patterns in my own addictive behaviors. Susan is a journalist and writes her memoirs with a reporter's stealth, examining everything from feelings, outside influences to dreams. Her naked honesty makes this a page turner and I found myself wanting more. (So of course, I ordered more of her work). It's truly admirable how bravely she reveals her vulnerability. In real life, the author is somewhat of a mythical character for aspiring writers who swarm her classes and workshops in hopes that through osmosis they can get published. The truth is, most people who study under her and take what she says seriously actually DO get published. Susan Shapiro is absolutely one of the top influential writers in New York City!

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I think Susan Shapiro is incredibly self-obsessed and a bit too neurotic (and I have a high threshold), her shared insights into why we become addicted to substances, whether it's cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, or food, are truly interesting. She documents her journey to eliminating addiction from her life with the help of her likeable therapist, who has some very interesting and viable theories on the nature of addiction. While I got tired of the author and her myriad issues by the end of it, I think about this book a lot in relation to the nature of addiction and why we as humans depend on substances so much.

[Nicolle · Rating 3 out of 5]

an honest memoir about a neurotic new york writer who is addicted to everything and their mother. she sees a therapist who gets her to quit smoking cigs, weed, alcohol, chewing gum, bread products, etc. then she realizes she's addicted to her therapist, but she never quits him. the end of the book still shows her going to him twice a week, and even paying him an increased rate. so really you start to think that this guy is really taking advantage of her. but then again i'm not a big believer in therapy, so whatever. it was a mildly entertaining read.

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Susan Shapiro is most definitely self-absorbed and extremely stuck inside herself, but this does not surprise me in the least. Only a person who is completely obsessed with themselves would go to therapy as much as she does. However, I found this memoir fascinating and extremely insightful with regard to addiction and all of the causes. She also has a self-deprecating style that is easy to relate to and humorous. I actually found a lot of what she said helpful and applicable to my own experiences-it's very NYC, without a doubt.

[Jeannie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parts of this book I really related to and liked, parts I did not relate to and hated. So I'm very torn on this review. I don't think (in fact I know) I wouldn't like this author as a person if I actually ever met her. Her humor was oftentimes plain offensive to me. Kuddos to her for kicking all her addictions but seriously do you even have a life now?? You seem to be pushing your happiness out there but I don't really think you're an enjoyable person to be around at all.

[Kimberlee Auerbach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breaking up with your own bad, destructive self is hard. I'm still struggling. Susan Shapiro writes about her addictions and desires in such a way that I am able to feel more compassion for myself. Most addiction books are super heavy and dark; Sue's wit, humor and unflinching honesty shine through and help readers examine and eliminate shame. I highly recommend for anyone who is struggling with addiction or any kind of self destruction/self sabotage. Very inspiring.

[Ivy Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent look at cross addition and how to lead a happy life even if everything you think makes you happy is taken away. I was cheering on the main character (although glad that I was not going through that situation myself) through the entire novel. Made me think differently about how I am currently living my life and ways that I can change for the better

[Gato Negro · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. The author portrays herself in such a no frills, realistic way all the while impressing us with her intellect, ridiculously hard work (while conquering her unending list of addictions), and ability to properly analyze her own shrink while in the middle of counseling sessions. I cannot wait to read her other books.

[E G Melby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Should be a two rating, but I did finish because I was curious to see if she remained married - much to my amazement. Drama drama drama, but again I have no frame of reference, since I'm a quiet boring sort......

Also: that much gum every day??? Really???

[Janelle R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious continuation of five men who broke my heart but now she tries to kick her bad habits..