Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Old?: The Path of Purposeful Aging

by Richard J. Leider, David Shapiro

“[A] valuable guide . . . The authors’ gentle tone and many helpful suggestions will make readers feel as if they are listening to a close friend.” —Publishers Weekly   This is a book about how to grow old—with the emphasis on “grow.” The path of purposeful aging is accessible to all—and it’s fundamental to health, happiness, and longevity.   In their bestseller Repacking Your Bags, Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro defined the good life as living in the place you belong, with people you love, doing the right work, on purpose. This book builds on that definition to offer a purposeful path for living well while aging well.   With a focus on developing and deepening a sense of purpose in later life, Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Old? celebrates the experience of aging with inspiring stories, real-world practices, and provocative questions. Framed by a long conversation between two old friends, the book reconceives aging as a liberating experience that enables us to become more authentically the person we always meant to be with each passing year.   “In a culture that offers little guidance for growing old, but excels at pushing elders aside, here’s a book that will help us age into the fullness of life.” —Parker J. Palmer, author of On the Brink of Everything

Genres: Nonfiction, Personal Growth, Self Help, Audiobook

168 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 28, 2021

About the author

Richard’s ten books, including three best sellers, have sold over one million copies and have been translated into 20 languages. Repacking Your Bags and The Power of Purpose are considered classics in the personal development field. Richard’s “inventures” in writing books have taken him to events with readers in all 50 states, every Canadian province, and 15 countries.

As co-author of Life Reimagined, he is the Chief Curator of content for AARP’s Life Reimagined Institute. Widely viewed as a visionary and thought leader on the “power of purpose”, his work is featured regularly in many media sources including, PBS public television, and NPR public radio. He is featured in the PBS Special – The Power of Purpose.

As a keynote speaker, he is one of a select few advisors and coaches who have been asked to work with over 100,000 leaders from over 100 organizations such as AARP, Ericsson, Mayo Clinic, MetLife, National Football League (NFL), and United Health Group discover the power of purpose.

Richard holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling and is a National Certified Counselor (NCC), a National Certified Career Counselor (NCCC), and a National Certified Master Career Counselor (MCC). As a Senior Fellow at the University of Minnesota’s Center for Spirituality and Healing, he founded The Purpose Project. He is co-chairman and dean of the World Purpose Forum, co-chairman of the Linkage/Global Institute for Leadership Development, and a member of the Council Advisors of the FRED Leadership Forum. He is also a board member of Youth Frontiers, and Life Coach in Residence at The Marsh: A Center for Balance and Fitness.

He is a contributing author to many coaching books, including: Coaching for Leadership, The Art and Practice of Leadership Coaching, Executive Coaching for Results, The Leader of the Future, and The Organization of the Future.

Richard’s work has been recognized with awards from the Bush Foundation, from which he was awarded a Bush Fellowship and the Fielding Institute’s Outstanding Scholar for Creative Longevity and Wisdom award.

For 30 years, Richard has led Inventure Expedition walking safaris in Tanzania, East Africa, where he co-founded and is a board member of the Dorobo Fund for Tanzania. He and his wife, Sally, live on the St. Croix river outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Reviews

[Carol Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this a 4 rating because, by the time I had finished reading it, I had changed my view of death from one of negativity to one of positivity. I didn't give it a 5 because it took me a long time to get over how "male" this book felt. The idea of a "purpose" to living felt very driven and unappealing.

By the time I finished, I could relate to the idea of "purpose" to being one of deep connectedness with friends and family. That I could relate to as, nearing 80, intimate connections are extremely important to me--and that could carry me to death.

"It's strange that few of us make better friends with Death. You'd think that with all the attention (s)he pays to each of us" (reminding us by showing us wrinkles, aches, and gravity)..."more of us would make an effort to come to friendly terms with (her) him."

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an encouraging book written by two older men about how to imagine our elder years in ways that give us purpose and happiness. It doesn't address all of the issues that very old age can carry, but it does a good job of helping you dream up a positive new path in your later years.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

[Catharine Staley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a 58 year old business woman, non-profit board member, volunteer, wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt. Lots of labels and lots of expectations (many of which are my own)! I found this straight-forward discussion of aging to be helpful as I begin to reflect on how I will find meaning in the next season of my life. This is not a book that you breeze through in one or two sittings. I found value in reading it in chunks and reflecting on it. Thanks to the authors for their candid and authentic presentation of their thinking.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A hand-sized 144 pages that I thought I'd whizz through but slowed down to read thoroughly. Struggled with applying my own gender + privilege lens. Nothing startling but always like to a few sticky things. 'Growing' rather than 'getting' old. Reimagining your vision of the good life. Great question: "What is life asking of you (me) now?"

[Julia Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars for every chapter.
With all the changes going on in our culture, society, world, communities since Covid, this book spoke to me. I needed to hear all Leider and Shapiro said about aging and coming to terms with the old life we knew it. It died and eventually we will too. How do I bring my best self to aging? How do i want my grandchildren to see me? What can I leave them of me? Not material things...but pride, integrity, honesty, kindness, and gratitude have to be my motivators to lead the best possible life going forward. So glad I read it.

[Adam Zuwerink · Rating 3 out of 5]

One word book review: saccharine.

The best thing I can say about this book is that it is short. It felt like reading one of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books - perfectly fine advice and fairly entertaining while reading it, but nothing particularly new or profound in it that won't be forgotten by tomorrow.

[Sierra Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book

I listened to the book twice on Audible. There was too much to reflect on to take it all in in audio format so I got the Kindle version and have read it twice more and I will still have a lot more reflecting to do. I would recommend it for anyone in their later years.

[Gopal Sadagopal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just a rehash of questions everyone asks. No real insight or wisdom. It seems like a professional philosopher compiles what everyone is saying but put attach a new title or phrase to it and act like he has unraveled a great mystery. Write a few follow up books to make more money.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was repetitive. I prefer listening to Richard speak.

[Bob Peterson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some interesting thoughts about aging here but the book seemed to be lacking in substance.

[Bill · Rating 1 out of 5]

A compendium of platitudes. Nothing insightful here.

[Michelle Malsbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro, Authors
Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old?
Berrett-Koehler Publishers, ISBN 978-1- 52309-245-1
Non-Fiction –aging, humanity, purposeful living, life purpose, old age
145 pages
November 2021 Review
Reviewer-Michelle Kaye Malsbury, BSBM, MM

Review

Richard J. Leider, co-author of the book Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up, has either authored or co-authored eleven books. (2021, p.143) Three have become Best Sellers, selling over one million copies! He is perceived as a leader of the global purpose movement. He is founder of Inventure—The Purpose Company. Their mission is to help people “unlock the power of purpose” and realize why they get up in the morning. Leider has appeared on television and has lectured across the USA. Leider lives on the St. Croix River in the greater Minneapolis area with his wife, Sally.

David Shapiro, co-author of the book Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up, is a tenured professor at Cascadia Community college in Seattle, Washington and an adjunct lecturer for the University of Washington’s Philosophy Department. (2021, p.145) He and Leider have co-authored five books. Shapiro has written two books on his own. In 2018/19 he was awarded the Fulbright Academic and Professional Excellence Scholar for his work project on Cross-Pollinating Philosophy for Children in India and the US. He loves bicycling and lives in Seattle with his wife, Jennifer.

In the Preface Leider and Shapiro state that this book is “…about how to grow old, with the emphasis on “grow”. Our focus is not just on getting older but also on how to grow old as we do so. Everyone is getting older; not everyone is growing older.” (2021)

“…Purposeful aging requires letting go of previously held assumptions about aging. Often, it requires being impelled by crisis or some sort—a life crucible—to move us inward.” (2021, p.10) Let that sink in a moment before moving on.

Furthermore, they say “We may at last know what we are, but we still haven’t addressed or discovered who we are. That might take some time.” (2021, p.23) Do you have any idea what you are or who you are? I am trying to figure that out myself. “We spent our entire adult lives working on the what we wanted to be; now is the time to devote ourselves to the who we want to become.” (p.31)

“The path of purposeful again is, ultimately, a spiritual path.” (2021, p.34) “It is not, however, a path marked by self-absorbed soul-searching…Purpose is a verb. Aging purposefully is a spiritual practice embodied in lived day-to-day experience.” (p.35) Aging happens to the body; maturing spiritually happens to the soul. Aging requires nothing more than getting older; maturing spiritually requires purposeful practice.”

“…Time is money.” (2021, p.59) “Spending our precious currency – time – in ways that are meaningful and fulfilling is what makes us feel wealthy. Being able to give of ourselves to others –family, friends, strangers in need – is what makes that time meaningful.”

How are you spending your time? What do you do that gives your life meaning? If you are not sure this book can help you figure that out. I enjoyed the read.

[D.J. Lang · Rating 3 out of 5]

Note: this same cover is on the small hardbound edition and I wanted the cover to show rather than a blank cover entered into Goodreads for the actual book.

I agree with readers who stated the book is repetitive and not necessarily "new" (thus the three stars); however, I also agree with readers who wrote that there were some insights in this small book. I particularly like the title. I've been reading a variety of growing older books so the timeless realities are bound to show up in each book, and I'm glad they do! What if there was no agreement between any of the books?! Yikes!

It wouldn't take long to read this book. I had borrowed it from the library first, decided to buy my own copy, and then read it occasionally between other books (that's why it looks like it took a long time). If a reader is just starting off with reading books about growing older, this one would be a quick starting point. Or, if you want something that is all positive, this book could be for you. No one gets bashed. Leider and Shapiro do try to include something for those who are not in their positions, but, yes, as one reviewer mentioned the authors are male and not hurting economically. Still, the authors have some good questions to think about.

Would my mom read it? Maybe? I actually thought about giving the book to her. I think there would be some helpful suggestions in here, but she would probably prefer something that is only Christian.

[V Massaglia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always appreciate, learn, and relearn the work of Richard Leider. His work on purpose as well as his collaboration with David Shapiro is inspiring. I love how they bottom line the purpose of life into two words: To Grow & To Give. This really speaks to me.

Here are a couple of quotes:

" Purpose is our why--why to get up in the morning."

"As we age, we find ourselves faced with this choice: get old or grow old."

Steps to unlock your purpose:
1) Find out how you want to help 2) Find out who you want to help 3) Find out what energized you (and what drains you)

"... the future belongs to the learns, not the knowers."

"Breakdowns often precede breakthroughs."

"Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put into every heart. -- Rumi

"What is life asking of me now?"

Three Ultimate Questions: 1) What do you think happens when you die? 2) Who would you like to die? 3) What gifts do you want to leave the world before you die?

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The authors write about growing old - which is active and intentional - versus getting old passively. Growing old requires thought, intentionality, curiosity, a desire to learn new things and share your gifts. It’s our third act; the 60’s to 80’s. It’s no longer about being outwardly successful or physically appealing. We need a new story, a new language for this period, according to the authors.

The best thing about growing old according to the authors is having a deeper sense of purpose in life, more authentic connections with others, oneself, and with the sacred or divine.

They invite the reader to consider and answer many thought-provoking questions. I have shared some of them with friends and sparked interesting conversations.

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought who do you want to be when you grow old was Ok. Its small and a quick read.

Two questions from the book stuck with me. What gifts do you want to leave the world before I die? And the second question is. What would I write in a letter from the afterlife to my self right now, what advice would I give myself?

I had never thought about writing a letter to myself new about what advice I would give myself as if I were writing to my present self from the afterlife. Right off the bat I am sure I would write that I should have had more confidence in life. I would say dream bigger.

To me that question was worth reading the book for.

[Sandra Cruz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a small, easy to read and understand book full of advice about aging with purpose. You can read it all the way through once, then come back and read the chapters that resonate with you. The authors recommend journaling as a way to get to know yourself and make lasting impact on your life and others.

My Review

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Started off terrific then kind of faded at the end as I thought to much time spent on developing a relationship with death. Don't get me wrong I do believe that a healthy understanding of death is good just thought to much time spent examining it. Other than that very solid read around the concepts of purposeful aging, our perspective around the question of are we getting old or growing older. Solid read.

[Sarah Cloutier · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was quite disappointed. I mean there are plenty of good questions and reflections, but there is a-lot of emphasis put on purpose in growing old as being giving, teaching, being a resource for others. From a female point of view, where giving and losing oneself is expected i thought this point of view flawed or irrelevant..,i mean like again? I am curious to know what women think of this or is it just my own “sensibility”.

[Scott Rubin]

Ann’s recommendation. Some good thought-provoking questions. But ultimately it left me kinda dissatisfied bc they write from a faith-less perspective, and I felt it in way that made it seem like they were trying to make up their own purposes/hunches… and weren’t even necessarily convinced themselves. Seem like good dudes tho.

[LAUREN NICHOLS-KINAS · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the idea of this book - that everyone gets old, but that you can choose to grow even as you're getting older. A worthwhile conversation, but a bit repetitive and could have gotten the point across in a shorter book. Frustrating that the key message is that you need to have a purpose as you age - I wouldn't have picked it up to read if I didn't already agree with that premise.

[Zee Monodee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Found this one pedantic and too much inclined on the reminiscing of the authors - it's like getting into a conversation with someone and they'll speak for a long time about nothing in particular before actually getting to what they were supposed to be getting at in the first place. Any bit of advice needs to be excavated from all this talking/writing, which didn't lead to an engaging read, sadly.

[Arun Narayanaswamy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book on how to grow “whole” than old. Tons of repetition through the book, but the summary or the last chapter makes it an interesting read. Good one for reference though every stage of your life

[Donna]

A short read (130 pages) that explores aging and growing
older with purpose. Text offers questions to ponder, personal stories and reflections, and opportunities to look at ‘elder hood’ differently.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Found this book to be on point and very insightful and maybe helpful. I need to read it again and ponder the words a little more. I was on a tight time frame for finishing this book. I think it would make a great discussion for a book club of older members.

[Dr. Lisa Cowley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This small but powerful read on purpose is a must for those stepping into the second half of life. The authors quote Rumi's poem, "Let the beauty we love be what we do." This sums up the total message of the book.

[Molly Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

The authors seemed to be very self absorbed and the book was full of their past accomplishments. It was tough to read and I finally skimmed the last half to get it done despite a few helpful tidbits.

[Suzan Turley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good guide as we grow older and doing so in a purposeful.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who do I want to be when I grow up? Richard and David try to answer the question. There is more to life after retiring. This book tries to explain what is next.

[Ginny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written, easy to digest and raises important issues around purpose and intentional aging.