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Acting the Part
This delightfully tropey teen romance, perfect for fans of Ashley Poston and Lyla Lee, follows a queer teen actor navigating their gender identity while pretending to date their costar.
Queer actor Lily Ashton has found fame playing lesbian warrior Morgantha on the hit TV show Galaxy Spark. Lily knows how little representation queer girls have, so when the showrunners reveal that Morgantha’s on-screen love interest, Alietta, is going to be killed off, Lily orchestrates an elaborate fake-dating scheme with the standoffish actress who plays her, to generate press and ensure a happy ending for the #Morganetta ship.
But while playing a doting girlfriend on and offscreen, Lily struggles with whether a word like “girl” applies to them at all. Their male online gaming persona, Frey, feels more authentically them than the curvy body they see in the mirror, and coming out as nonbinary to the crush they meet in an MMORPG makes them feel like they’ve got a shot at a real-world happily ever after. #Morganetta means so much to so many people, though, so Lily decides to keep presenting as female to the world and continue the dating charade. Even as they genuinely bond with their costar, they can’t ignore how much it hurts to be something they’re not.
Lily’s always been good at playing a part. But are they ready to share their real self, even if it means throwing everything they’ve fought for away?
Queer actor Lily Ashton has found fame playing lesbian warrior Morgantha on the hit TV show Galaxy Spark. Lily knows how little representation queer girls have, so when the showrunners reveal that Morgantha’s on-screen love interest, Alietta, is going to be killed off, Lily orchestrates an elaborate fake-dating scheme with the standoffish actress who plays her, to generate press and ensure a happy ending for the #Morganetta ship.
But while playing a doting girlfriend on and offscreen, Lily struggles with whether a word like “girl” applies to them at all. Their male online gaming persona, Frey, feels more authentically them than the curvy body they see in the mirror, and coming out as nonbinary to the crush they meet in an MMORPG makes them feel like they’ve got a shot at a real-world happily ever after. #Morganetta means so much to so many people, though, so Lily decides to keep presenting as female to the world and continue the dating charade. Even as they genuinely bond with their costar, they can’t ignore how much it hurts to be something they’re not.
Lily’s always been good at playing a part. But are they ready to share their real self, even if it means throwing everything they’ve fought for away?
288 pages, Hardcover
First published December 6, 2022
18 people are currently reading
4789 people want to read
About the author
Z.R. Ellor
4 books288 followersZ. R. Ellor (he/him) is the author of YA contemporary novels MAY THE BEST MAN WIN and ACTING THE PART, and the adult fantasy SILK FIRE (written as Zabé Ellor.) He holds a BA in English Lit and biology from Cornell University. When not writing, he can be found running, playing video games, and exploring Los Angeles. Find him online at https://zrellorbooks.com/
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 135 reviews
December 14, 2022
1.50 Stars. I read the premise and I thought this would be a very cute read. A lesbian actress finds herself in a TV role similar to The 100 and hopes to stop the writers from making the mistake of the cruel “Bury You Gays Trope” by dating her costar IRL and having her become too popular to the fans to kill off. I love fauxmances and thought this would be a great fit instead this felt lifeless, hard to connect to and care about, and even a bit uncomfortable at times, and that was before I recognized the author’s name.
I personally don’t mind reading sapphic stories written by queer men. There are some trans and gay men that I have been reading their sapphic stories for over a decade. If I don’t know a name well normally it doesn’t stand out, so the Z R initials was not ringing a bell until I came onto Goodreads wondering if anyone else thought this book was as disappointing as I did, and then I remembered Silk Fire was under a different name and May the Best Man Win was under this one. Look, I’m not going to go into this whole big thing, but Ellor doesn’t seem to like lesbians. Do I think he hates us, not sure but I think he has some big hang-ups that he needs to work on, and he keeps getting into these controversies about it. I think in this day in age with books being banned left and right, we must be careful before we label something too problematic, but for me personally, I’m Not okay with Ellor’s dislike for me, being turned around so he can cash it in to make money on it. Again, for me personally I would choose not to promote this book, but I already did not like the story anyway, so the rating is right the only difference is I rounded down instead of up.
I don’t feel like writing much so I’ll just mention a few problems. There is no character building at all. There is a large cast of people and I honestly felt lost at who was who. I only knew the two main characters and a few family members. It took me forever to realize the brother of the main character IRL is also their best friend on the set? I’m still not even sure. I had a hard time even knowing if a character was supposed to be POC, and that was not good since that lead to what pretended to be an important part in the book, but then it fizzled away to nothing anyway. The writing just felt like a mess.
Then there were parts that just felt odd or uncomfortable. Other people have mention them in their reviews, so I won’t go into them all but one that really stood out is when an adult woman asked the main character who is not 18, yet so still a minor, because the adult knows they are a lesbian and has a girlfriend, she asks something to the affect like “you’re not doing that horrible scissoring thing are you?” The main character answers back something like “no ma’am, that’s not a real thing.” Sure, Ellor whatever you say, the new expert on lesbians. I just can’t.
An ARC was given to me for an honest review.
I personally don’t mind reading sapphic stories written by queer men. There are some trans and gay men that I have been reading their sapphic stories for over a decade. If I don’t know a name well normally it doesn’t stand out, so the Z R initials was not ringing a bell until I came onto Goodreads wondering if anyone else thought this book was as disappointing as I did, and then I remembered Silk Fire was under a different name and May the Best Man Win was under this one. Look, I’m not going to go into this whole big thing, but Ellor doesn’t seem to like lesbians. Do I think he hates us, not sure but I think he has some big hang-ups that he needs to work on, and he keeps getting into these controversies about it. I think in this day in age with books being banned left and right, we must be careful before we label something too problematic, but for me personally, I’m Not okay with Ellor’s dislike for me, being turned around so he can cash it in to make money on it. Again, for me personally I would choose not to promote this book, but I already did not like the story anyway, so the rating is right the only difference is I rounded down instead of up.
I don’t feel like writing much so I’ll just mention a few problems. There is no character building at all. There is a large cast of people and I honestly felt lost at who was who. I only knew the two main characters and a few family members. It took me forever to realize the brother of the main character IRL is also their best friend on the set? I’m still not even sure. I had a hard time even knowing if a character was supposed to be POC, and that was not good since that lead to what pretended to be an important part in the book, but then it fizzled away to nothing anyway. The writing just felt like a mess.
Then there were parts that just felt odd or uncomfortable. Other people have mention them in their reviews, so I won’t go into them all but one that really stood out is when an adult woman asked the main character who is not 18, yet so still a minor, because the adult knows they are a lesbian and has a girlfriend, she asks something to the affect like “you’re not doing that horrible scissoring thing are you?” The main character answers back something like “no ma’am, that’s not a real thing.” Sure, Ellor whatever you say, the new expert on lesbians. I just can’t.
An ARC was given to me for an honest review.
July 11, 2022
If you're interested in reading this book, I would strongly suggest choosing another one of the many, many fantastic LGBT YA novels that have come out this year that are not reeking of lesbophobia and have a raging lesbophobe author.
The quotes I have seen coming from ARCs of this book, and of the author's previous YA work, pertaining to lesbians are truly horrifying. Here we have a man, REPEATEDLY railing against lesbians, saying how they always "complain they have it the worst" and that it's "much easier to be a lesbian" compared to other identities in the LGBT community. It took me 21 years to come to terms with being a lesbian: with crying myself to sleep, hoping and wishing and praying that I was not this way, explicitly because of how patriarchal society treats and views lesbians. If teenage Hannah had read these books and their blantant lesbophobia, I can only imagine the damage it would've done, and the damage that it will do to young lesbians and even other sapphics. There is nothing EASY about being a lesbian, and the last thing anyone needs is men telling us how good we have it.
There is something especially insidious about this man writing about sapphic characters to forward his anti-lesbian agenda, and profiting off of it.
Additionally, the author has a history of expressing anti-Black and anti-Asian sentiments in his works, and hasn't taken accountability for any of it, to my knowledge. I would advise readers and reviewers to steer clear.
The quotes I have seen coming from ARCs of this book, and of the author's previous YA work, pertaining to lesbians are truly horrifying. Here we have a man, REPEATEDLY railing against lesbians, saying how they always "complain they have it the worst" and that it's "much easier to be a lesbian" compared to other identities in the LGBT community. It took me 21 years to come to terms with being a lesbian: with crying myself to sleep, hoping and wishing and praying that I was not this way, explicitly because of how patriarchal society treats and views lesbians. If teenage Hannah had read these books and their blantant lesbophobia, I can only imagine the damage it would've done, and the damage that it will do to young lesbians and even other sapphics. There is nothing EASY about being a lesbian, and the last thing anyone needs is men telling us how good we have it.
There is something especially insidious about this man writing about sapphic characters to forward his anti-lesbian agenda, and profiting off of it.
Additionally, the author has a history of expressing anti-Black and anti-Asian sentiments in his works, and hasn't taken accountability for any of it, to my knowledge. I would advise readers and reviewers to steer clear.
December 19, 2023
how bold of this author to shit so much on lesbians and then turn around and profit off of a sapphic relationship! the audacity of men truly never fails to amaze me
August 8, 2022
i need men to stop writing about lesbians thanks.
June 3, 2022
First of all - when I first requested an arc of this on netgalley I did not know about the authors problematic behavior but I learned about it after I had already started it. If I would have known before I wouldn’t have requested it
When I first read the blurb of this on netgalley the concept sounded interesting. I mean a romance between a nonbinary and an asexual girl with fake dating and fighting for queer characters survival on a tv show, that sounds great right - it wasn’t. I did not like this and let me tell you why:
- The fact that this book was even written and published has honestly made me very uncomfortable while reading it because of the authors past comments on lesbians which is extremely weird and wrong of him to do. I do not recommend it. While there are some good quotes in here about queer representation on tv there are also a lot of moments/quotes/conversations that are not done well.
- I didn’t get attached to any of the characters. They weren’t fleshed out at all and I didn’t feel any chemistry between the two main characters. And a ”big reveal” in the end wasn’t that shocking to me, I think I actually guessed it very early on
- The pacing felt very weird. The beginning felt too fast and there was no time to get to know the characters
- The tv show environment felt very unrealistic. I obviously dont work in TV but why are there only two people working on it? They are both the writers and show runners and they are both evil which ofc I know happens but there are more people than that on set
Some lines/moments that felt wrong to me:
1, ”Tell me." Her voice drops low. Conspiratorial. "You don't ... you don't do that awful scissoring thing? I read about it online. Researching you."
[then there's more but i'm skipping to the next line of dialogue]
"No, ma'am . Never. Pretty sure that's not a real thing."
I´m just…. no words. It definitely is
2, ”A wave of guilt rushes over me. Really? There isn't solidarity between us, at least not in the sense that we have the same mission. Ruby's a woman; I'm pretty sure I'm not. #Morganetta is for queer girls--for all queer people I guess, but mostly girls"
I understand that Frey is going on a journey of understanding their journey but this quote feels like its invalidating their mission to get more queer representation on TV. Even as a nonbinary transmasc person I feel like they would/should show more support with a queer woman
3, ”I don't want to deal with explaining my identity to the world." "You don't have to," I say. "It's easier to say 'I'm a lesbian' because people sort of know what that is and what to expect from you. It's harder to say 'I'm nonbinary' or 'I'm asexual' without getting into a big debate defending that your identity exists. Like, when I first had a crush on a girl, I thought lesbian was the word for me--but that was because I didn't have better words yet to fit all my feelings in."
It’s interesting to follow Frey´s gender journey but this quote bothered me a bit especially knowing about the authors past comments about lesbians
4, "Even in a far future where racism is supposedly long over, where a Black family rules a third of the galaxy, a white woman's story takes priority [....] all I can think is Shit, I never noticed."
This is one of many lines where Frey learns about racism which feels so weird
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for providing an arc
When I first read the blurb of this on netgalley the concept sounded interesting. I mean a romance between a nonbinary and an asexual girl with fake dating and fighting for queer characters survival on a tv show, that sounds great right - it wasn’t. I did not like this and let me tell you why:
- The fact that this book was even written and published has honestly made me very uncomfortable while reading it because of the authors past comments on lesbians which is extremely weird and wrong of him to do. I do not recommend it. While there are some good quotes in here about queer representation on tv there are also a lot of moments/quotes/conversations that are not done well.
- I didn’t get attached to any of the characters. They weren’t fleshed out at all and I didn’t feel any chemistry between the two main characters. And a ”big reveal” in the end wasn’t that shocking to me, I think I actually guessed it very early on
- The pacing felt very weird. The beginning felt too fast and there was no time to get to know the characters
- The tv show environment felt very unrealistic. I obviously dont work in TV but why are there only two people working on it? They are both the writers and show runners and they are both evil which ofc I know happens but there are more people than that on set
Some lines/moments that felt wrong to me:
1, ”Tell me." Her voice drops low. Conspiratorial. "You don't ... you don't do that awful scissoring thing? I read about it online. Researching you."
[then there's more but i'm skipping to the next line of dialogue]
"No, ma'am . Never. Pretty sure that's not a real thing."
I´m just…. no words. It definitely is
2, ”A wave of guilt rushes over me. Really? There isn't solidarity between us, at least not in the sense that we have the same mission. Ruby's a woman; I'm pretty sure I'm not. #Morganetta is for queer girls--for all queer people I guess, but mostly girls"
I understand that Frey is going on a journey of understanding their journey but this quote feels like its invalidating their mission to get more queer representation on TV. Even as a nonbinary transmasc person I feel like they would/should show more support with a queer woman
3, ”I don't want to deal with explaining my identity to the world." "You don't have to," I say. "It's easier to say 'I'm a lesbian' because people sort of know what that is and what to expect from you. It's harder to say 'I'm nonbinary' or 'I'm asexual' without getting into a big debate defending that your identity exists. Like, when I first had a crush on a girl, I thought lesbian was the word for me--but that was because I didn't have better words yet to fit all my feelings in."
It’s interesting to follow Frey´s gender journey but this quote bothered me a bit especially knowing about the authors past comments about lesbians
4, "Even in a far future where racism is supposedly long over, where a Black family rules a third of the galaxy, a white woman's story takes priority [....] all I can think is Shit, I never noticed."
This is one of many lines where Frey learns about racism which feels so weird
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for providing an arc
Read
June 20, 2022huh! not sure how i feel about this guy writing a wlw/nblw focused story when he's consistently treated lesbians and trans women like shit in everything else he writes!* also, btw, nonbinary lesbians exist. i am one actually. you don't have to stop identifying as a lesbian just because you found out you're nonbinary. also, lesbians can be attracted to nonbinary people! so can gay men, straight people and literally every other identity in between! you don't Have to identify as a lesbian if you're a nonbinary person attracted to women and other nonbinary people, but talking about an issue like this requires nuance that i don't believe this book will portray adequately.
*jk i do know how i feel. i don't like it. also, newsflash, the world's most influential terfs are straight women, by a huge margin, not lesbians like you claim in your other book. (May the Best Man Win) we're your allies, so maybe stop constantly painting us as the big bad lgbtq+ gatekeepers. thanks <3
*jk i do know how i feel. i don't like it. also, newsflash, the world's most influential terfs are straight women, by a huge margin, not lesbians like you claim in your other book. (May the Best Man Win) we're your allies, so maybe stop constantly painting us as the big bad lgbtq+ gatekeepers. thanks <3
no-thank-you
April 12, 2022As great as this sounds, I don’t think I’d be able to read this after what I’ve been reading about the author. A shame, really.
February 20, 2023
nonononono
edit:: now that my brain has had time to recover from this I'll be posting some of my *favorite* lines that prove this book is a parody of itself bc I'm pretty sure no one star review I could write would ever be as bad as the real thing
exhibit a: 'thank god I didn't pick up on the conditioning that gives so many girls in Hollywood a problem with food. Maybe that should have been my first clue I wasn't a girl at all.'
exhibit b: 'you don't... you don't do that awful scissoring thing? no, ma'am. never. pretty sure that's not a real thing.'
exhibit c: 'why do you always pretend you can fix everything? because I want to. is that because I'm a guy? a maybe-guy? guy-ish? I don't want to root my gender in outdated stereotypes, but stereotypes can carry a nugget of truth.'
exhibit d: 'aren't you a handsome lady? says an unfamiliar voice. An arm snakes over my shoulder. I turn to see a butch woman with a tattoo sleeve, a few years my senior, breath reeking of alcohol.'
tbh there were so many other quotes I could've used but they were too long :) anyway I'm convinced this book's mc was just the author writing himself, but rich. like they were nearly identical down to the weird hatred of butch lesbians, the misogyny but 'no! it's ok! I'm trans! this is just how I express my gender!!!' like newsflash but you can still be misogynistic and trans. lesbophobic and trans. racist and trans. most of all, I think what this book proved is that not every story deserves to be told. some stories can stay in the dark corner of your laptop where your other bigoted self insert fanfics exist.
edit:: now that my brain has had time to recover from this I'll be posting some of my *favorite* lines that prove this book is a parody of itself bc I'm pretty sure no one star review I could write would ever be as bad as the real thing
exhibit a: 'thank god I didn't pick up on the conditioning that gives so many girls in Hollywood a problem with food. Maybe that should have been my first clue I wasn't a girl at all.'
exhibit b: 'you don't... you don't do that awful scissoring thing? no, ma'am. never. pretty sure that's not a real thing.'
exhibit c: 'why do you always pretend you can fix everything? because I want to. is that because I'm a guy? a maybe-guy? guy-ish? I don't want to root my gender in outdated stereotypes, but stereotypes can carry a nugget of truth.'
exhibit d: 'aren't you a handsome lady? says an unfamiliar voice. An arm snakes over my shoulder. I turn to see a butch woman with a tattoo sleeve, a few years my senior, breath reeking of alcohol.'
tbh there were so many other quotes I could've used but they were too long :) anyway I'm convinced this book's mc was just the author writing himself, but rich. like they were nearly identical down to the weird hatred of butch lesbians, the misogyny but 'no! it's ok! I'm trans! this is just how I express my gender!!!' like newsflash but you can still be misogynistic and trans. lesbophobic and trans. racist and trans. most of all, I think what this book proved is that not every story deserves to be told. some stories can stay in the dark corner of your laptop where your other bigoted self insert fanfics exist.
June 6, 2022
This review is hard for me to write. I was so excited to read a book about a non-binary person and how they come to term with themself. (I also didn’t know about the problematic history of the author, I just found out a few minutes ago and I’m not sure how to feel about that.)
I really, really wanted to like Frey. But they were just so obnoxious at times. They didn’t even realize what privileges they had and didn’t think they did anything wrong. I know it must be hard for a non-binary person to discover and realizing something so huge about themselfs and coming to terms with it and they also had a lot of growth throughout the whole book, but personality-wise I just didn’t really like them.
All the other characters felt super flat, they were just there for progress and as plot devices. The chemistry between our MC and the love interest was 1/10. The banter they had wasn’t entertaining at all.
And don’t let me get started on the “big reveal”, which was SO obvious that I was surprised that it was made out to be a plot twist. It only let me see our MC as super dense for not realizing it sooner.
I really, really wanted to like Frey. But they were just so obnoxious at times. They didn’t even realize what privileges they had and didn’t think they did anything wrong. I know it must be hard for a non-binary person to discover and realizing something so huge about themselfs and coming to terms with it and they also had a lot of growth throughout the whole book, but personality-wise I just didn’t really like them.
All the other characters felt super flat, they were just there for progress and as plot devices. The chemistry between our MC and the love interest was 1/10. The banter they had wasn’t entertaining at all.
And don’t let me get started on the “big reveal”, which was SO obvious that I was surprised that it was made out to be a plot twist. It only let me see our MC as super dense for not realizing it sooner.
June 20, 2022
This book had a lovely concept that was poorly executed. Beyond the storytelling being disjunct and the characters being very unlikeable, I found the MC's thought processes to be rather sexist. Frey is only 17 years old, so It could be believable that they would have some internalized misogyny, but the author never takes the opportunity to clarify for the character, or readers, that these thoughts are harmful. This is concerning to me since this book is geared towards young readers. Speaking of the character only being 17 years old...It's really not ok that an adult character asks the teenage main character if they do "that awful scissoring thing". Like, what?!
November 7, 2022
disclaimer: had no idea about this author and their comments until after looking at these reviews but I was already done the book so…
this could’ve been so much better, I wanted to love it - a comp to Ashley Poston is practically a guarantee read for me. however, we had so many characters and what felt like so few time with them that I didn’t really care about them?? also the writing…this was so repetitive I really just couldn’t enjoy it. this book just wasn’t for me.
thank you to NetGalley for an arc in exchange for an honest review
this could’ve been so much better, I wanted to love it - a comp to Ashley Poston is practically a guarantee read for me. however, we had so many characters and what felt like so few time with them that I didn’t really care about them?? also the writing…this was so repetitive I really just couldn’t enjoy it. this book just wasn’t for me.
thank you to NetGalley for an arc in exchange for an honest review
September 10, 2025
The author needs to self reflect and ask himself why he feels the need to represent sapphics/lesbians and people of colour so negatively in his books. As a nonbinary person who used to identify as lesbian, I understand how difficult it can be to find out what you thought yourself to be wasn't the right fit, and how hard it is to rediscover yourself. That's fine, that's normal. What's not normal is shitting on lesbians, multiple times mind you, and making it seem like nonbinary people can't be lesbian or sapphic. There were so many lines of dialogue that came off as lesbophobic and I understand that teenagers are messy and have messy thoughts but it's the job of you as the author to make sure that these thoughts are offset in the narrative of the book. Leaving them unchallenged gives off the impression that you agree with it and after learning about the author's history of being lesbophobic, transphobic and racist, it's quite clear he does.
The use of people of colour for diversity points diversity points and making them only be there to cater to your white lead is especially sinister considering one of the major plot lines is the characters fighting against the very same thing in their show. It comes off as performative and again the history of the author's bigotry proves it to be exactly that.
I don't believe in gatekeeping who should write queer stories but I do believe that a certain level of introspection is needed to avoid situations such as these.
The use of people of colour for diversity points diversity points and making them only be there to cater to your white lead is especially sinister considering one of the major plot lines is the characters fighting against the very same thing in their show. It comes off as performative and again the history of the author's bigotry proves it to be exactly that.
I don't believe in gatekeeping who should write queer stories but I do believe that a certain level of introspection is needed to avoid situations such as these.
December 28, 2022
alright, the book itself is like 2 stars if im being generous. BUT i don’t feel like being generous, especially after i read about all the creepy, lesbian-phobic shit the author has said. it’s fucked of him to say those things and then try to capitalize off of lesbians. and the fact that he is lgbt himself??? and acts this way??? EW
i do not support him or his work at all, and i am so glad i read this free on libby and didn’t pay a cent for it.
btw the icing on this shit cake is that the audiobook is narrated by vico ortiz, who has the most nasally, weird voice that makes me want to stab myself.
overall a garbage experience, will never get the hours i wasted on this back smh.
‼️ DO NOT SUPPORT THIS AUTHOR IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT THE LGBTQIA COMMUNITY. ‼️
i do not support him or his work at all, and i am so glad i read this free on libby and didn’t pay a cent for it.
btw the icing on this shit cake is that the audiobook is narrated by vico ortiz, who has the most nasally, weird voice that makes me want to stab myself.
overall a garbage experience, will never get the hours i wasted on this back smh.
‼️ DO NOT SUPPORT THIS AUTHOR IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT THE LGBTQIA COMMUNITY. ‼️
April 9, 2023
rtc, for now just know this book is lesbophobic and misogynistic
*EDIT
Before I requested this book, I had no idea about the author’s lesbophobic and mysoginistic comments both in his previous books and on their social media accounts. Had I known, I would have never asked for a review copy, but since I did, I am going to “review” it, meaning I am going to talk more about the offensive aspects and then briefly about the actual problems of storytelling this book did have. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
First of all, I want to acknowledge the fact that it’s entirely possible that the author has encountered some hate in lesbian communities, whether online or in real life. All queer communities have their bad apples, but this doesn’t give anyone the right to use their books to purposefully spread mysoginistic and lesbophobic stances, especially if the target audience is YA. This book won’t help anyone and only cause damage.
There are a lot of books in which the main character comes to term with their gender identity without shitting on women, I can guarantee you. There are also sapphic and/or NBxF books written by non sapphic authors that don’t invalidate the lesbian experience. Please stir clear from Acting the Part and read something better instead, I have recs.
I also want to address something the author has said about one of his previous books. Yes, teens do have messy conversations and internal dialogue, especially when finding out about their identities. I know I did. However, as a YA author, you should also be able to show that some of the things the characters say are not right. If you are not capable to do such a basic and obvious thing, maybe you should consider changing your carreer for the time being.
I am not going to quote any of the awful sentences that you can find throughout the book — though I encourage you to read other Goodreads reviews, if you want to read them — but I am also going to add something: I am a white reader, but the way the author tried to talk about racism in the film/TV industry made me extremely uncomfortable. And I am not talking about the kind of uncomfortable you get when you realise your privilege and start working on yourself, I mean the kind that makes you feel like the author only tackled the issue because they had to, for bonus diversity points, since they were tackling homophobia.
Aside from this deeply unsettling and problematic aspects, the book was also poorly written and I honestly have no idea how it got published or how they got Vico Ortiz to narrate the audiobook. The pacing was off, the reveal was laughable, the plot was boring and the chemistry between the two main characters was non-existant. I don’t know what the editor was doing, but they clearly weren’t editing this book, because it felt like a first draft at best.
In case it wasn’t clear, I do not recommed this book. Not even for hate reading it. I unfortunately had to read it, because I always review the books I have been sent if I have personally requested them, but this was another level of horrible and it doesn’t deserve your money. Or you illegal download. It doesn’t deserve your time, spare yourselves.
I am never going to read anything from this author ever again. I had his previous book, May the Best Man Win, on my TBR, but luckily I don’t own it and I won’t be picking it up.
*EDIT
Before I requested this book, I had no idea about the author’s lesbophobic and mysoginistic comments both in his previous books and on their social media accounts. Had I known, I would have never asked for a review copy, but since I did, I am going to “review” it, meaning I am going to talk more about the offensive aspects and then briefly about the actual problems of storytelling this book did have. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
First of all, I want to acknowledge the fact that it’s entirely possible that the author has encountered some hate in lesbian communities, whether online or in real life. All queer communities have their bad apples, but this doesn’t give anyone the right to use their books to purposefully spread mysoginistic and lesbophobic stances, especially if the target audience is YA. This book won’t help anyone and only cause damage.
There are a lot of books in which the main character comes to term with their gender identity without shitting on women, I can guarantee you. There are also sapphic and/or NBxF books written by non sapphic authors that don’t invalidate the lesbian experience. Please stir clear from Acting the Part and read something better instead, I have recs.
I also want to address something the author has said about one of his previous books. Yes, teens do have messy conversations and internal dialogue, especially when finding out about their identities. I know I did. However, as a YA author, you should also be able to show that some of the things the characters say are not right. If you are not capable to do such a basic and obvious thing, maybe you should consider changing your carreer for the time being.
I am not going to quote any of the awful sentences that you can find throughout the book — though I encourage you to read other Goodreads reviews, if you want to read them — but I am also going to add something: I am a white reader, but the way the author tried to talk about racism in the film/TV industry made me extremely uncomfortable. And I am not talking about the kind of uncomfortable you get when you realise your privilege and start working on yourself, I mean the kind that makes you feel like the author only tackled the issue because they had to, for bonus diversity points, since they were tackling homophobia.
Aside from this deeply unsettling and problematic aspects, the book was also poorly written and I honestly have no idea how it got published or how they got Vico Ortiz to narrate the audiobook. The pacing was off, the reveal was laughable, the plot was boring and the chemistry between the two main characters was non-existant. I don’t know what the editor was doing, but they clearly weren’t editing this book, because it felt like a first draft at best.
In case it wasn’t clear, I do not recommed this book. Not even for hate reading it. I unfortunately had to read it, because I always review the books I have been sent if I have personally requested them, but this was another level of horrible and it doesn’t deserve your money. Or you illegal download. It doesn’t deserve your time, spare yourselves.
I am never going to read anything from this author ever again. I had his previous book, May the Best Man Win, on my TBR, but luckily I don’t own it and I won’t be picking it up.
October 1, 2022
I could not possibly have loved this ARC more. Lily is a queer teenage star on a scifi show who is trying to figure out her future when she finds out her show is about to kill off her character's grilfriend. Lily and her costar, shy Greta, are determined to save the "ship" and bury the kill your gays trope. Lily feels most themself when she is playing with her online video game friends, who don't know she's a famous actor. This book has everything. Identity discovery, FAKE DATING, mystery admirer, mistaken identity, nonbinary representation, WLW representation! 5/5 stars.
nope
February 17, 2022a romance between a non-binary transmasc and an asexual girl ??
i am looking
i am looking
December 21, 2022
men shouldn't make lesbian books
July 3, 2023
now why does a man think he can profit off of lesbians, and then insult lesbians for half of the book
February 17, 2023
I received an ARC from Edelweiss
TW: misogyny
1.8
I’m not going to mention the author’s behavior outside of this book, I’m judging it solely on that actual text.
I thought this book could be cute- it has the fandom angle, I’ve read other “fake date your co-star for views” books than had fun with them, and I did actually enjoy Ellor’s previous YA romance so I fully expected to vibe with this one. I... did not.
Here are the positives: it does definitely claim fandom behavior and culture, and I think younger, fandom-aligned teens will appreciate and enjoy that. If you’re someone who has yet to see fanfiction or shipping mentioned in a published novel, I could see this type of story being really exciting for you.
There’s also a lot of representation of different marginalizations here in the cast. I won’t say if it’s good rep or bad, but, again, I’m sure this could be the first time someone sees someone like them on the page, even in the background.
However, most of my thoughts on this book are negative.
The writing itself it strangely rushed and plays overly comical, the romance has almost zero chemistry (and is also very rushed), and while I can have fun with a tropey romance, there is nearly nothing in this book but leaning into tropes. It’s predictable, shallow, and doesn’t seem concerned for anyone but the main character at any point. I also found exactly zero of these characters actually interesting- they are flat stand ins.
But the worst part is absolutely the way this trans realization is written. There are some problematic moments in here about lesbians, but there is also a determination to lean into toxic gender roles. I can understand including a problem trying to find yourself as a trans person, trying to figure out how to play into gender roles without becoming part of the traditional, toxic culture of it all- but that’s not this. This is saying not having issues with diet culture and people picking apart your body as a celebrity is proof you’re “not a girl”, because only girls can have body issues, apparently. There are just so many moments where this arc reaffirms gender roles and places the majority of the Frey’s gender identity on not wanting things like make up or doors being held for them. It’s shallow, and it also feels exactly like what someone who doesn’t understand being nonbinary would write- which is why I absolutely cannot understand how this is was Ellor came up with for this story.
I’m pretty sure this is my last Ellor book. Every part of it was a let down.
TW: misogyny
1.8
I’m not going to mention the author’s behavior outside of this book, I’m judging it solely on that actual text.
I thought this book could be cute- it has the fandom angle, I’ve read other “fake date your co-star for views” books than had fun with them, and I did actually enjoy Ellor’s previous YA romance so I fully expected to vibe with this one. I... did not.
Here are the positives: it does definitely claim fandom behavior and culture, and I think younger, fandom-aligned teens will appreciate and enjoy that. If you’re someone who has yet to see fanfiction or shipping mentioned in a published novel, I could see this type of story being really exciting for you.
There’s also a lot of representation of different marginalizations here in the cast. I won’t say if it’s good rep or bad, but, again, I’m sure this could be the first time someone sees someone like them on the page, even in the background.
However, most of my thoughts on this book are negative.
The writing itself it strangely rushed and plays overly comical, the romance has almost zero chemistry (and is also very rushed), and while I can have fun with a tropey romance, there is nearly nothing in this book but leaning into tropes. It’s predictable, shallow, and doesn’t seem concerned for anyone but the main character at any point. I also found exactly zero of these characters actually interesting- they are flat stand ins.
But the worst part is absolutely the way this trans realization is written. There are some problematic moments in here about lesbians, but there is also a determination to lean into toxic gender roles. I can understand including a problem trying to find yourself as a trans person, trying to figure out how to play into gender roles without becoming part of the traditional, toxic culture of it all- but that’s not this. This is saying not having issues with diet culture and people picking apart your body as a celebrity is proof you’re “not a girl”, because only girls can have body issues, apparently. There are just so many moments where this arc reaffirms gender roles and places the majority of the Frey’s gender identity on not wanting things like make up or doors being held for them. It’s shallow, and it also feels exactly like what someone who doesn’t understand being nonbinary would write- which is why I absolutely cannot understand how this is was Ellor came up with for this story.
I’m pretty sure this is my last Ellor book. Every part of it was a let down.
September 29, 2023
Bro why do you hate women and lesbians so much?? Fuck you.
This author hates women and has openly been lesbophobic but then writes a book to profit off sapphics? Which was really just a bait and switch in the first place as this is not a sapphic romance. The poor writing lol this wasn't a romance at all.
It felt like the author was actually mad at sapphics the whole time... going on about how important queer female rep is just to go haha not in this book tho.
Omfg the audiobook narrator sucked so much, the voice was SO unpleasant. It's amazing I finished this.
Really sticking to harmful gender stereotypes throughtout- I had to do a double take when the mc literally said they should have known they weren't a girl because they didn't have disordered eating. Oh yes I forgot the completely female only trait. 🙄🙄
And ofc the comment (from an adult to a teenager wtf that was so icky) about scissoring being awful and "not a real thing". It's almost like... men... shouldn't speak of things... they know nothing about... huh.
It's so funny I read the entire book and hated it, got major ick the entire time just to come to goodreads and learn this author is a raging lesbophobe like he couldn't even PRETEND. The book reeks of it.
All the little comments the MC made, all the little thoughts god they were so annoying.
Like dude you don't have to be misogynistic to hit that gender euphoria but men have nothing but the audacity.
Here: a pair of scissors to scare this nasty man away. ✂️✂️✂️ Do not speak of lesbians ever again, thanks.
This author hates women and has openly been lesbophobic but then writes a book to profit off sapphics? Which was really just a bait and switch in the first place as this is not a sapphic romance. The poor writing lol this wasn't a romance at all.
It felt like the author was actually mad at sapphics the whole time... going on about how important queer female rep is just to go haha not in this book tho.
Omfg the audiobook narrator sucked so much, the voice was SO unpleasant. It's amazing I finished this.
Really sticking to harmful gender stereotypes throughtout- I had to do a double take when the mc literally said they should have known they weren't a girl because they didn't have disordered eating. Oh yes I forgot the completely female only trait. 🙄🙄
And ofc the comment (from an adult to a teenager wtf that was so icky) about scissoring being awful and "not a real thing". It's almost like... men... shouldn't speak of things... they know nothing about... huh.
It's so funny I read the entire book and hated it, got major ick the entire time just to come to goodreads and learn this author is a raging lesbophobe like he couldn't even PRETEND. The book reeks of it.
All the little comments the MC made, all the little thoughts god they were so annoying.
Like dude you don't have to be misogynistic to hit that gender euphoria but men have nothing but the audacity.
Here: a pair of scissors to scare this nasty man away. ✂️✂️✂️ Do not speak of lesbians ever again, thanks.
December 28, 2022
Withholding review until Harper Collins union has a fair bargaining contract.
September 5, 2022
DNFed this book pretty hard. Probably stopped at 40 percent and couldn’t read it anymore. Maybe it wasn’t for me.
June 1, 2023
liked it but there was a weird amount of lesbophobia,, perhaps could’ve been written better by a different author
November 29, 2022
Thank you to Kismet Books for the arc! If you're a book lover from Wisconsin, swing by and give them a visit next time you're by Verona!
One word: crowded. For a book that's under 300 pages, it tried to do way too much and had way too big of a cast that would show up for a few scenes every so often and then disappear. Each of the subjects could've been their own full book but instead they all felt shoved into a story and didn't get the focus they could have had, if that makes sense? Like the storylines of "I just realized that I'm transmasc and my mom/agent wants me to play a super feminine character in my next role", "the show we've been devoting our lives to for years is actually nowhere near as progressive as we thought it was; how do we change that?", "we finally got queer rep in our show and now the directors want to kill off half the couple", and "I have to fake date my costar" all could be their own full books but combined into one book it just feels crowded and rushed.
The high points in the book were Frey's inner monologue bits about their gender identity and Greta as a character. Chris was also nice but underutilized. All of the costars and directors and gamers (sans Aida) also just meshed into each other in my head since they had very few distinctions.
All in all, not the worst book I've ever read or anything but far from the best.
Also, I really didn't like the ending where
One word: crowded. For a book that's under 300 pages, it tried to do way too much and had way too big of a cast that would show up for a few scenes every so often and then disappear. Each of the subjects could've been their own full book but instead they all felt shoved into a story and didn't get the focus they could have had, if that makes sense? Like the storylines of "I just realized that I'm transmasc and my mom/agent wants me to play a super feminine character in my next role", "the show we've been devoting our lives to for years is actually nowhere near as progressive as we thought it was; how do we change that?", "we finally got queer rep in our show and now the directors want to kill off half the couple", and "I have to fake date my costar" all could be their own full books but combined into one book it just feels crowded and rushed.
The high points in the book were Frey's inner monologue bits about their gender identity and Greta as a character. Chris was also nice but underutilized. All of the costars and directors and gamers (sans Aida) also just meshed into each other in my head since they had very few distinctions.
All in all, not the worst book I've ever read or anything but far from the best.
Also, I really didn't like the ending where
May 11, 2023
I read this a while ago and realized I never posted my review, so here it is.
I'm not going to lie, this gave me some 'ick' feelings, and I'm not one to rate books poorly. Normally I'm a really good judge of when I will and won't like a book, but this one caught me off guard. There are conflicting messages, and potential for a lot of really great representation that was executed poorly. Disappointed, and will not be recommending, especially to young lesbians, as there was lesbophobia from the characters, the author, and the messages portrayed in the novel.
For a little more context, the author put a heavy emphasis on the importance of sapphic representation for queer girls and then immediately took it away in favor of trans representation. These are equally important, and I feel that this book did a disservice to both through poor execution. And maybe I'm biased because I'm a lesbian, and I don't like seeing that representation so casually tossed to the side, but there were ways to do this that didn't result in such a jarring change in perspective from the main character.
I'm not going to lie, this gave me some 'ick' feelings, and I'm not one to rate books poorly. Normally I'm a really good judge of when I will and won't like a book, but this one caught me off guard. There are conflicting messages, and potential for a lot of really great representation that was executed poorly. Disappointed, and will not be recommending, especially to young lesbians, as there was lesbophobia from the characters, the author, and the messages portrayed in the novel.
For a little more context, the author put a heavy emphasis on the importance of sapphic representation for queer girls and then immediately took it away in favor of trans representation. These are equally important, and I feel that this book did a disservice to both through poor execution. And maybe I'm biased because I'm a lesbian, and I don't like seeing that representation so casually tossed to the side, but there were ways to do this that didn't result in such a jarring change in perspective from the main character.
January 10, 2023
I’m just gonna say it: this book fucking sucks. The main character is insufferable and the author is clearly only writing this to get the brownie points for being a “progressive” author writing about “diverse” characters. He does such a poor job of it that I actively hated every second I was reading. He’s clearly got a checklist he’s going down for different buzzwords and plot points he wants to include to stay “woke” and relevant in the discussion of how queer characters are treated in media. And, let me tell you, he’s failing every single point miserably.
I gave up after 5 chapters when nothing was getting better and I could tell the author and the main character truly did not care about or believe in the cause they were supposedly championing.
I gave up after 5 chapters when nothing was getting better and I could tell the author and the main character truly did not care about or believe in the cause they were supposedly championing.
Want to read
October 13, 2021This concept + Z.R Ellor = the literal book of my dreams. If only we didn't have to wait till 2022 for it.
April 11, 2023
scissoring is a real thing sir lesbophobe
March 21, 2024
Normally I don't go IN on my book reviews here, but I gotta crack my knuckles and have a go at this one. I originally picked this book up because I typically only read gay romance/fiction books and a friend of mine had purchased this to read for herself, so I figured I'd read it with her. Boy do I wish I had not done that. I almost DNF'ed this book, but I felt the overwhelming urge to finish it so that I could warn my friend about what's to come. There's so much I want to critique about this book, so to make this easy for everyone involved, I'm going to split it up into sections. As another preface, one of the main characters is nonbinary and their name and pronouns switch half-way through the book, so for all intents and purposes, I'm not going to be using the name or pronouns we're introduced with at the beginning. This is gonna be a long one, so strap the FUCK in.
For starters, let's address the most prominent issue I have with this book: the way Frey is written. I could not fucking STAND this character. I'm not sure if Ellor purposely wrote Frey as a self-interested narcissistic who resents everyone around them as a way to cope with gender dysphoria, but if the shoe fits. During the first half of the book, Frey is fighting to save the #Morganetta ship from succumbing to the inevitable "bury your gays" trope, and hopefully bring more lesbian representation to television. However, once Frey realizes that they don't identify as a woman, THEY FULLY JUMP SHIP AND FREY DECIDES THAT LESBIANS DONT NEED REPRESENTATION BECAUSE THEY CAN NO LONGER RELATE TO IT. Huh??? The thing that pissed me off so much about this is just how "passionate" and borderline performative Frey felt about the WLW representation in the beginning. They acted as though this one gay ship in a sci-fi show meant the difference between gay people having rights or being hung in the town square. In the grand scheme of things, they simply were using this as a way to get praise from the fandom (which they also constantly read THEIR OWN FANFICTION WRITTEN ABOUT THEM AND THEIR CHARACTER). It was very cringey to me of how narcissistic Frey came off as. Anyways....after they realize they can no longer relate to women or being a lesbian, they fully decide that this *really important gay ship* doesn't matter to them anymore because if the representation doesn't benefit them, why have it??? ~I'd also like to interject that I learned AFTER reading this book that the author Z.R. Ellor has said some pretty lesbophobic things on Twitter? One of these things being a comment about another book he wrote not doing so well in sales, and attributing it to haing a trans male character as the MC. He later says that "making them lesbians" would have done way better in sales, making the assumption that lesbians are the most cherished out of everyone in the LGBTQ+ community...ok.~ Anywho... I also have a problem with the crazy and toxic gender roles that Frey attributes to being a man, woman, or nonbinay person. One quote in particular shook me to my fucking core. Frey states "Thank God I didn't pick up on the conditioning that gives so many girls in Hollywood a problem with food. Maybe that should have been my first clue I wasn't a girl at all." I beg your fucking pardon?? NO! So we're insinuating that only women can have eating disorders? Cool, what a wild thing to say in order to show the reader that your character is questioning their gender identity. There's more gender role bullshit sprinkled throughout the book, but this review is already long enough, so just trust me on this. Finally, and this one is a doozy, Frey gets mad at the cast of Galaxy Sparks and their family for dead naming and misgendering them....after not telling the cast or their family that they've switched names and pronouns. Honestly, Frey just has this really weird martyr complex and the intense desire to make it seem like they're being hatecrimed left and right. If Frey was an actual human being in real life, they would be getting into arguments on Twitter about whether lesbians can use he/him pronouns, but they would also have no idea what Stonewall was. In all seriousness, transitioning can be extremely taxing, and I totally understand not feeling comfortable coming out to your loved ones yet and still feeling the pain of being misgendered and dead named. HOWEVER, Frey is actively mad and lashing out at the people around them for not being able to read their mind. You've gotta give people grace dude. Assuming that everyone is going to be transphobic to you is a disservice to them. Frey had no indication that the cast or their family would be anything but accepting of them, but they still decide to *pretend* as though people wouldn't get it, and act cold towards everyone in the process. At that point, you're digging your own grave.
Alright, now that that's done, let's delve a little more into the way this book talks about transness. Coming from a trans author, some of the ideas and mindsets that were scattered throughout the book were kind of....appalling?? One of the BIGGEST things this book does is insinuate that being trans is the bravest thing you could ever do. I wish I had taken a tally, but I'll guesstimate that the word "brave" was used about 35 times throughout the book to describe Frey's journey. Being trans can be difficult, it can be mentally and emotionally draining, it can be isolating, it can be painful. But it's not "brave". Before you call me transphobic, let me tell you a little story to explain what I mean by this. Once upon a time, I was in a Women, Gender, and Sexuality course at university once, and one day we all watched a documentary called "A Walk in My Shoes" about the lives of trans women in NYC during their daily commutes to work. After finishing it, a classmate raised their hand and said something to the effect of "I commend trans women, because it's so brave to be authentically you on a daily basis". My professor was bothered by that statement, and told us all an anecdote about a friend she used to have. Let's call him Brian. Brian had cerebral palsy and had to be in a wheelchair his entire life. He also had some glandular condition that I can't remember, which made it really hard for him to chew and swallow food, so he used a feeding tube sometimes too. Anyways, his mom (let's call her Shelly) took Brian to school one day, and all the other moms gathered around Shelly to talk to her. They told her "We all just wanted to save how brave you are for caring for that boy. You're such a Super-Mom!" At this point Shelly turned to them and said "I'm not being brave, I'm being a fucking mother". And the other moms got REAL quiet. I think this anecdote explains better than I can of why it's...probably not great to call trans people brave. Because they're not brave. They're simply just trans and existing. It also implies that you think being trans *requires* bravery. And listen, I can understand why you'd think that. The American government and judicial system are trying to wipe trans people from existence, and new laws are making it harder to access gender-affirming care and uphold patient confidentiality laws when it comes to trans patients. But saying that trans people are "brave" makes it seem like you think trans people are inherently different or even lesser than. You're also lumping all trans people together, when you should know better than anyone else that trans people are NOT a monolith. In addition, you remove all responsibility cis people have for making it difficult for trans people to FUCKING LIVE. I'm not sure what this author has been through, but he has A LOT of unpacking to do when it comes to these communities and how they should be treated. The way this book went through MULTIPLE rounds of editing and no one thought to remove the 53 uses of the word "brave" is beyond me.
Finally, the way POC are used for a plot device in this book is kinda sinister. In the book, Frey's brother Chris and his girlfriend Shyanne are both black (or mixed, I can't quite remember) as well as the man who plays Bryken in the show. I believe Callie is Asian as well. I apologize if I get the characters names or races wrong, as they're only mentioned once, and then never again (surprise suprise). Anyways, further along in the book, a journalist starts writing an article about the blatant racism that the showriters have weaved throughout Galaxy Sparks, and points out that the majority of villains on the show are people of color who often die in violent and horrific ways. You're not gonna believe me when I say this, but Frey does not take this well when they read the article. Immediately we're hit with white knight syndrome from Frey, as they try to fight the showrunners and condemn them from including harmful stereotypes. If you haven't guessed already, Frey is in fact white. And while I don't necessarily have a problem with Frey being bothered by this, Frey doesn't actually pick up on it until it's pointed out to them. So of course, the motherfucker who cares so much about equality and representation does not give a SHIT when all the POC actors get killed off. There are a couple scenes where Chris is actively mad at Frey for trying to insert themselves into this mess, and that was the only part I enjoyed. Because I don't think you're that good of an ally if you can't even consider the fact that a white lesbian ship is the least of your worries when you have actively racist showrunners. I hated this plot point because it only matters for like a chapter, and then it's quickly discarded and replaced by Frey having another gender crisis. Once again proving that Frey only cares about being anti-racist if they can benefit from it and be praised for their allyship. Almost as if...the author just did the exact same thing by using the hardships of POC as a usless plot point for inclusivity brownie points...I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
If you couldn't tell already, I can not convince you hard enough to take this book off your TBR. It made me roll my eyes so hard I genuinely thought I detached a retina. If you're looking for a great sapphic romance to read, look literally anywhere else. I was beyond disappointed with this book, but I couldn't be happier that it's over. This will probably be my last Z.R. Ellor book, as I don't want to fuck around and find out how prejudiced he can truly be. If you made it this far, thanks for reading :) I'm off to cleanse my pallete with Gideon the Ninth. Toodles!
For starters, let's address the most prominent issue I have with this book: the way Frey is written. I could not fucking STAND this character. I'm not sure if Ellor purposely wrote Frey as a self-interested narcissistic who resents everyone around them as a way to cope with gender dysphoria, but if the shoe fits. During the first half of the book, Frey is fighting to save the #Morganetta ship from succumbing to the inevitable "bury your gays" trope, and hopefully bring more lesbian representation to television. However, once Frey realizes that they don't identify as a woman, THEY FULLY JUMP SHIP AND FREY DECIDES THAT LESBIANS DONT NEED REPRESENTATION BECAUSE THEY CAN NO LONGER RELATE TO IT. Huh??? The thing that pissed me off so much about this is just how "passionate" and borderline performative Frey felt about the WLW representation in the beginning. They acted as though this one gay ship in a sci-fi show meant the difference between gay people having rights or being hung in the town square. In the grand scheme of things, they simply were using this as a way to get praise from the fandom (which they also constantly read THEIR OWN FANFICTION WRITTEN ABOUT THEM AND THEIR CHARACTER). It was very cringey to me of how narcissistic Frey came off as. Anyways....after they realize they can no longer relate to women or being a lesbian, they fully decide that this *really important gay ship* doesn't matter to them anymore because if the representation doesn't benefit them, why have it??? ~I'd also like to interject that I learned AFTER reading this book that the author Z.R. Ellor has said some pretty lesbophobic things on Twitter? One of these things being a comment about another book he wrote not doing so well in sales, and attributing it to haing a trans male character as the MC. He later says that "making them lesbians" would have done way better in sales, making the assumption that lesbians are the most cherished out of everyone in the LGBTQ+ community...ok.~ Anywho... I also have a problem with the crazy and toxic gender roles that Frey attributes to being a man, woman, or nonbinay person. One quote in particular shook me to my fucking core. Frey states "Thank God I didn't pick up on the conditioning that gives so many girls in Hollywood a problem with food. Maybe that should have been my first clue I wasn't a girl at all." I beg your fucking pardon?? NO! So we're insinuating that only women can have eating disorders? Cool, what a wild thing to say in order to show the reader that your character is questioning their gender identity. There's more gender role bullshit sprinkled throughout the book, but this review is already long enough, so just trust me on this. Finally, and this one is a doozy, Frey gets mad at the cast of Galaxy Sparks and their family for dead naming and misgendering them....after not telling the cast or their family that they've switched names and pronouns. Honestly, Frey just has this really weird martyr complex and the intense desire to make it seem like they're being hatecrimed left and right. If Frey was an actual human being in real life, they would be getting into arguments on Twitter about whether lesbians can use he/him pronouns, but they would also have no idea what Stonewall was. In all seriousness, transitioning can be extremely taxing, and I totally understand not feeling comfortable coming out to your loved ones yet and still feeling the pain of being misgendered and dead named. HOWEVER, Frey is actively mad and lashing out at the people around them for not being able to read their mind. You've gotta give people grace dude. Assuming that everyone is going to be transphobic to you is a disservice to them. Frey had no indication that the cast or their family would be anything but accepting of them, but they still decide to *pretend* as though people wouldn't get it, and act cold towards everyone in the process. At that point, you're digging your own grave.
Alright, now that that's done, let's delve a little more into the way this book talks about transness. Coming from a trans author, some of the ideas and mindsets that were scattered throughout the book were kind of....appalling?? One of the BIGGEST things this book does is insinuate that being trans is the bravest thing you could ever do. I wish I had taken a tally, but I'll guesstimate that the word "brave" was used about 35 times throughout the book to describe Frey's journey. Being trans can be difficult, it can be mentally and emotionally draining, it can be isolating, it can be painful. But it's not "brave". Before you call me transphobic, let me tell you a little story to explain what I mean by this. Once upon a time, I was in a Women, Gender, and Sexuality course at university once, and one day we all watched a documentary called "A Walk in My Shoes" about the lives of trans women in NYC during their daily commutes to work. After finishing it, a classmate raised their hand and said something to the effect of "I commend trans women, because it's so brave to be authentically you on a daily basis". My professor was bothered by that statement, and told us all an anecdote about a friend she used to have. Let's call him Brian. Brian had cerebral palsy and had to be in a wheelchair his entire life. He also had some glandular condition that I can't remember, which made it really hard for him to chew and swallow food, so he used a feeding tube sometimes too. Anyways, his mom (let's call her Shelly) took Brian to school one day, and all the other moms gathered around Shelly to talk to her. They told her "We all just wanted to save how brave you are for caring for that boy. You're such a Super-Mom!" At this point Shelly turned to them and said "I'm not being brave, I'm being a fucking mother". And the other moms got REAL quiet. I think this anecdote explains better than I can of why it's...probably not great to call trans people brave. Because they're not brave. They're simply just trans and existing. It also implies that you think being trans *requires* bravery. And listen, I can understand why you'd think that. The American government and judicial system are trying to wipe trans people from existence, and new laws are making it harder to access gender-affirming care and uphold patient confidentiality laws when it comes to trans patients. But saying that trans people are "brave" makes it seem like you think trans people are inherently different or even lesser than. You're also lumping all trans people together, when you should know better than anyone else that trans people are NOT a monolith. In addition, you remove all responsibility cis people have for making it difficult for trans people to FUCKING LIVE. I'm not sure what this author has been through, but he has A LOT of unpacking to do when it comes to these communities and how they should be treated. The way this book went through MULTIPLE rounds of editing and no one thought to remove the 53 uses of the word "brave" is beyond me.
Finally, the way POC are used for a plot device in this book is kinda sinister. In the book, Frey's brother Chris and his girlfriend Shyanne are both black (or mixed, I can't quite remember) as well as the man who plays Bryken in the show. I believe Callie is Asian as well. I apologize if I get the characters names or races wrong, as they're only mentioned once, and then never again (surprise suprise). Anyways, further along in the book, a journalist starts writing an article about the blatant racism that the showriters have weaved throughout Galaxy Sparks, and points out that the majority of villains on the show are people of color who often die in violent and horrific ways. You're not gonna believe me when I say this, but Frey does not take this well when they read the article. Immediately we're hit with white knight syndrome from Frey, as they try to fight the showrunners and condemn them from including harmful stereotypes. If you haven't guessed already, Frey is in fact white. And while I don't necessarily have a problem with Frey being bothered by this, Frey doesn't actually pick up on it until it's pointed out to them. So of course, the motherfucker who cares so much about equality and representation does not give a SHIT when all the POC actors get killed off. There are a couple scenes where Chris is actively mad at Frey for trying to insert themselves into this mess, and that was the only part I enjoyed. Because I don't think you're that good of an ally if you can't even consider the fact that a white lesbian ship is the least of your worries when you have actively racist showrunners. I hated this plot point because it only matters for like a chapter, and then it's quickly discarded and replaced by Frey having another gender crisis. Once again proving that Frey only cares about being anti-racist if they can benefit from it and be praised for their allyship. Almost as if...the author just did the exact same thing by using the hardships of POC as a usless plot point for inclusivity brownie points...I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
If you couldn't tell already, I can not convince you hard enough to take this book off your TBR. It made me roll my eyes so hard I genuinely thought I detached a retina. If you're looking for a great sapphic romance to read, look literally anywhere else. I was beyond disappointed with this book, but I couldn't be happier that it's over. This will probably be my last Z.R. Ellor book, as I don't want to fuck around and find out how prejudiced he can truly be. If you made it this far, thanks for reading :) I'm off to cleanse my pallete with Gideon the Ninth. Toodles!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 6, 2023
1 star.
The fact that this author is profiting off of this NBLW story makes me angry. I borrowed my copy from the library, thank goodness. He has no right to tell this story after saying such harmful things.
I was so excited when I saw this book for the first time. As a nonbinary actor I was READY to relate to this book. Somehow, this main character is so unlikeable and annoying that I was actively wishing to not be in their head anymore.
The writing is so repetitive, predictable, and lazy. It felt like most of this book was just padding despite the fact it's under 300 pages. Every description, and I mean multiple times every page, is attached to three cliche and boring similes. The stories "twists" were incredibly boring and obvious. The characters were super flat and uninteresting with maybe the exception of Greta. I still didn't love her, but at least she had a motivation that was interesting. The writers Wes and Peter were laughably bad characters. All of the characters talked the same with the same bad similes and metaphors from the descriptions. It felt like I was reading the same ten ideas over and over again by the end.
This book is barely a romance at all despite the marketing, cover, and inside jacket. The chemistry of the leads hardly developed and I feel like they're were unique parts of this relationship that went totally unexplored. If your looking for a good book with representation I suggest "Loveless" by Alice Oseman. There's good queer rep (include ace characters) and an acting-based subplot in that too.
I had some issues with the representation of the queer community in this book! The only other queer people in the story besides the leads are the nameless void that is the fanbase, the nice gay men in the bar, the creepy lesbians in the bar, and Ruby. The gay-bar scene is really derivative of some terrible lesbophobic troupes in particular. Just awful. And the straight "allies" had lots of uncomfortable interactions with the queer characters. If your gay book has barely any well-rounded gay characters in it, it is honestly worse than just doing a heteronormative book marketed towards a larger audience. This book does a bad job of doing the thing it is most importantly meant to do. It fails to explore queerness beyond a surface level.
If your a young queer person looking for a story to relate to I don't blame you for liking this book. If I had no idea about the complexities of the queer community and was less of a reader I might have appreciated this book more. It is my guarantee though that there are better ones out there. Read queer books, just not this one.
The fact that this author is profiting off of this NBLW story makes me angry. I borrowed my copy from the library, thank goodness. He has no right to tell this story after saying such harmful things.
I was so excited when I saw this book for the first time. As a nonbinary actor I was READY to relate to this book. Somehow, this main character is so unlikeable and annoying that I was actively wishing to not be in their head anymore.
The writing is so repetitive, predictable, and lazy. It felt like most of this book was just padding despite the fact it's under 300 pages. Every description, and I mean multiple times every page, is attached to three cliche and boring similes. The stories "twists" were incredibly boring and obvious. The characters were super flat and uninteresting with maybe the exception of Greta. I still didn't love her, but at least she had a motivation that was interesting. The writers Wes and Peter were laughably bad characters. All of the characters talked the same with the same bad similes and metaphors from the descriptions. It felt like I was reading the same ten ideas over and over again by the end.
This book is barely a romance at all despite the marketing, cover, and inside jacket. The chemistry of the leads hardly developed and I feel like they're were unique parts of this relationship that went totally unexplored. If your looking for a good book with representation I suggest "Loveless" by Alice Oseman. There's good queer rep (include ace characters) and an acting-based subplot in that too.
I had some issues with the representation of the queer community in this book! The only other queer people in the story besides the leads are the nameless void that is the fanbase, the nice gay men in the bar, the creepy lesbians in the bar, and Ruby. The gay-bar scene is really derivative of some terrible lesbophobic troupes in particular. Just awful. And the straight "allies" had lots of uncomfortable interactions with the queer characters. If your gay book has barely any well-rounded gay characters in it, it is honestly worse than just doing a heteronormative book marketed towards a larger audience. This book does a bad job of doing the thing it is most importantly meant to do. It fails to explore queerness beyond a surface level.
If your a young queer person looking for a story to relate to I don't blame you for liking this book. If I had no idea about the complexities of the queer community and was less of a reader I might have appreciated this book more. It is my guarantee though that there are better ones out there. Read queer books, just not this one.
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