The ASBO Fairy Tales

by Chris Pilbeam, Lisa Jackson (Illustrator)

Sit back, relax and allow Hans Christian Asbosen to tell you fantastical stories of far-away lands. Once upon a time there were...Hansel and Courtney and their trail of Wotsits, Jack and the Weedstalk, Snow White and the Seven Dads and Bling-erella. Not quite as traditional as first glance might suggest, these hilarious reworkings of traditional classics are a wonderfully acerbic look at today's society. "The Asbo Fairy Tales" are fantastically packaged to resemble a traditional book of fairy stories, with great comic illustrations of the unique characters. There's "Little Red Riding Hoodie", the "Crack Piper of Camden", mistakenly enlisted to rid London of its rats, and "Sleep-In Beauty", who is cursed with an addiction to fairydust. "The ASBO Fairy Tales" will be the essential Christmas gift for 2008.

Genres: Fantasy, Humor, Fiction, Short Stories, Comedy, Fairy Tales, Young Adult

191 pages, Hardcover

First published October 9, 2008

About the author

Chris Pilbeam aka Hans Christian Asbosen is a London-based writer and journalist who discovered the lost works of author Hans Christian Asbosen.

Reviews

[Lou Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Silly but fun little read. Liked the various references to Jeremy Kyle...

[Mills · Rating 1 out of 5]

The ASBO Fairy Tales is an absolutely abhorrent book that relies on demeaning Daily Mail style stereotypes of the working class for its "humour".

Oh yes, The ASBO Fairy Tales is supposed to be humorous. If you found it funny, I suggest you try Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody. They both suit an audience who consider jokes about drug-taking, piss and vomit the highest form of comedy.

Virtually every character has walked straight off of Jeremy Kyle - and I mean that pretty literally. The very first story is a version of Snow White in which Snow White ends up on this universe's version of Jeremy Kyle, unsure which of the seven dwarves* is her child's father, as she had slept with all of them because she was lonely and had had some cider. Other examples of stories include Puss in Boots who makes his master's fortune by faking compensation claims; Sleeping Beauty who sleeps so late because of spending all night drinking and getting high that she oversleeps and misses her "lads' mag" shoot; The Butt Ugly Duckling who, after a failed suicide attempt, wins some birds' version of Big Brother by wandering around swearing; Blingerella who, on her ballgown turning back into a tracksuit and her limo into pumpkin soup (which promptly sprays all over her), becomes the product of much humour because it looks like she's vomited all over herself and a pigeon is eating the vomit. The Prince footballer rohypnols** her ugly stepsisters to get over it; The emperor (and some unfortunate emperor penguins) of The Emperor's New Tracksuit who are attacked by a mob for walking around naked and, therefore, obviously being a pedophile; Mouldy-Locks of Mouldy-Locks and the Three Bears who, after a failed attempt to set up a squat in the bears' house, has sex with one of the bears' cousins before disappearing into the night; Hansel and Brittney who fry the witch to death in a deep fat fryer and are promptly arrested for attacking an old lady; The pigs of The Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Bailiff who accumulate a lot of debt, default on loans, and promptly lose their homes, consequently deciding that they'll stick to shoplifting in the future.

Who finds this stupid shit funny? Not me, that's for certain. I actually found the jokes to be repulsive and the massive amount of stereotyping pretty offensive. This book will be going to a charity shop as soon as I am able. If I didn't consider throwing books away a sacrilege, it would be in the bin already.

*Actually it turns out to be none of them.
**Well, sort of.

[Laura Kendrick · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a horrible little book.
This is nothing but middle class snobbery. It's not funny, in fact in places it's uncomfortable. I could get into the slut-shaming, the anti-feminist themes. The horrible stereotypes about the 'lower classes'.
If you're a Tory these are probably perfect for you to read and enjoy.
A far from original take on fairy tales, not only are they horrible with a bitter aftertaste the author injects, they're also boring. There's nothing new or exciting here. Just good old fashion prejudice, stereotypes and sexism.

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think this was supposed to be funny...It definitely was not.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent, very much tongue in cheek, retelling of some of those famous fairy tales we all love. It certainly isn't one to be read if you don't have a wacky sense of humour or if you're easily offended. It's a very easy and quick read that can have the reader laughing all the way through

[Stargazer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3stars because i could imagine scottish comedians like lemmy or frankie boyle acting/reporting these, they'd be funnier to watch or read aloud in the midst of a drinking session or something with folk who have a darker sense of humour.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laughed from beginning to end. If You take your humour and do not make everything into a crusade or a political statement then you will realise it is a very clever and hilairioris book. Not for children but if you have enjoyed other parodies you will enjoy this.

[Amy Trott · Rating 1 out of 5]

I cannot put into words how terrible this book was. I had to force myself to finish it! The first chapter made me laugh, after that it was very much the same all the way through but not funny in the slightest, it’s just chavs. Horrendous! The only reason the first chapter was amusing was because it was set on the Jeremy Kyle show which I hadn’t expected. It went completely downhill. If I could give 0 stars then I would! So glad that I’ve finally finished it.

[TinTin Kalaw · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF.

I bought this at Booksale, thinking that this would be a fun read....

IT. WASN'T.

I read the first story, saying WTF over and over until I finished it. As I was starting on the next story, it was just so annoying that I said nope and closed the book.

A waste of PHP150 (roughly $3).

[Ellie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 Stars. Meant as more of a bathroom read I think, in that the stories are kind of repetitive but amusing so you’d really only want to read them one at a time. They’re silly and funny for what they are, though the humour can get a little close to the mark in the classism department. But really, I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with it if you can take a joke.

[Jeshurun · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book itself and the illustrations are very attractive. But while focuses on adult themes seems to be written for children. It’s tedious and seems to find it necessary to poorly retell stories we know within the new story. I’m gonna have to donate this, sorry to the next person.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny in most parts but can be offensive in others. Also don't read this book if you are in anyway shape or form against animal abuse, there are a couple of scenes in here I found hard to chew.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really boring.
Bad and repetitive jokes.
Would not read again.

[Marian G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing way of "updating" the traditional fairytales.

[Sarah Fisher · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining speed read. Hugely British humour and sadly true of our age..... probably don’t read it to you kids at bedtime!

[Anna Rita Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Una lettura leggera, divertente. In questo periodo pieno di ansia e preoccupazione, è ideale per staccare e sdrammatizzare un po'.

[Rabia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my cup of coffee... Sorry.

[Skelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny! Couldn’t help laughing as I read this book. One of the most hilarious ones I’ve seen!!

[Suzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stupidity at its best.

[Chloe Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Utterly chav tastic!
A silly little read which did make me giggle!

[Levi Az Oe · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny

[Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

What was the point in reading this book? It's not a funny book at all, just a bit stupid. Wouldn't read again.

[Issy Bailey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Occasionally funny but crass and cringe for the most part… Definitely done with this.

[Luna MoonBear · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilariously funny and hard to put down

[Stine Bjørdal · Rating 3 out of 5]

goofy bok🤗

[donna craig · Rating 2 out of 5]

stupid nonsense book not for young people to read

[Jody Nicholson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Silly, but entertaining enough!

[Adrian Grant · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun little read, could have been ruder or darker but a good enough light hearted read with some genuinely funny moments. Not bad, not great...

[Haley Craig · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a horrible book!

I made it to around 4 pages in and threw it in a bag for the thrift store.. someone else might enjoy it, but I doubt it.

[Felicity Terry · Rating 3 out of 5]

BOOK 29/52 READ FOR THE 52 BOOK CHALLENGE 2025.
PROMPT 41: COVER FONT IS IN A PRIMARY COLOUR.

Review to follow