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Love Tough: The Truth about You, Your Relationship, What Doesn't Work, and How You Can Change It
From the New York Times bestselling author of Unfu*k Yourself comes tough-love that explains what makes relationships work: you taking responsibility to fix yourself.
“Love is patient, love is blind. . .” Until it's not. Then what?
No matter how much advice we get or how much work we do on our “stuff,” nothing ever seems to make the difference. The truth of it is, you’re woefully ill-equipped for one of the most life-defining things you will ever take on—being in a committed relationship.
Whether you’re currently in one, want to be in one, half in–half out, getting over one, married, single, separated, divorced, or just overwhelmed with the whole thing, let’s cut through the morass of relationship schtick and put you back in charge. No flowery BS, no woo-woo strategies, systems, or techniques, just real talk, for real people who want a real relationship in their life that actually works.
“Love is patient, love is blind. . .” Until it's not. Then what?
No matter how much advice we get or how much work we do on our “stuff,” nothing ever seems to make the difference. The truth of it is, you’re woefully ill-equipped for one of the most life-defining things you will ever take on—being in a committed relationship.
Whether you’re currently in one, want to be in one, half in–half out, getting over one, married, single, separated, divorced, or just overwhelmed with the whole thing, let’s cut through the morass of relationship schtick and put you back in charge. No flowery BS, no woo-woo strategies, systems, or techniques, just real talk, for real people who want a real relationship in their life that actually works.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published January 18, 2022
248 people are currently reading
1361 people want to read
About the author
Gary John Bishop
86 books1,157 followersGary John Bishop began his life journey in Glasgow, Scotland. The grit and wit of his early life have contributed to his tough-love, in-your-face approach to coaching. Coupled with world-class training and development, Gary has created a potent brew of effectiveness and the ability to reach through the crust of people's lives and root out the deeper issues that consume them and tie them to their hurdles. His ability to elevate and expand people's greatness makes the kind of life-altering impact that is so rare in the industry. Gary's hyper-awareness and years of elite training allow him to assess each client and guide them to the path that best expresses their lives; with micro precision, he cuts straight to the heart of what is going to make a difference.
Gary's experience and quick ascent to becoming a senior program director for one of the world's leading personal development organizations is proof that he is dedicated and committed to what is possible for every client and person he encounters. He doesn't claim perfection. He's been through life and doesn't sugar coat his folly. He uses his experience as both a human and a world class coach to mentor and coach people to raise the bar higher for what they once thought would be their greatest self.
Gary John Bishop is one of the leading Personal Development experts in the industry with a global reputation that has impacted tens of thousands of people worldwide. His "urban philosophy" approach represents a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has caused miraculous results for people in the quality and performance of their lives. He calls it like it is while being influenced by ontology, phenomenology and the philosophy of some of the world's greatest thinkers. You be inspired, unburdened and grounded. Working with Gary creates the space to be an altered version of you. The greatness you once imagined becomes a reality, only its bigger, better and more incredibly freeing than you dreamed it could be. His work life changing.
Gary is willing to say what needs to be said. His writing is a higher level experience and the benefits of his philosophies have touched lives worldwide.
Gary's experience and quick ascent to becoming a senior program director for one of the world's leading personal development organizations is proof that he is dedicated and committed to what is possible for every client and person he encounters. He doesn't claim perfection. He's been through life and doesn't sugar coat his folly. He uses his experience as both a human and a world class coach to mentor and coach people to raise the bar higher for what they once thought would be their greatest self.
Gary John Bishop is one of the leading Personal Development experts in the industry with a global reputation that has impacted tens of thousands of people worldwide. His "urban philosophy" approach represents a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has caused miraculous results for people in the quality and performance of their lives. He calls it like it is while being influenced by ontology, phenomenology and the philosophy of some of the world's greatest thinkers. You be inspired, unburdened and grounded. Working with Gary creates the space to be an altered version of you. The greatness you once imagined becomes a reality, only its bigger, better and more incredibly freeing than you dreamed it could be. His work life changing.
Gary is willing to say what needs to be said. His writing is a higher level experience and the benefits of his philosophies have touched lives worldwide.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews
November 21, 2021
This is the kind of relationship advice you'd get from a grizzled bartender 30 minutes before closing time. Sage and wise, but not delicate. The author is casual and irreverent, and has no time for your nonsense. But, if you listen, you'll probably wind up happier and more fulfilled.
The basic premise--that you are the only person you can control and the only person you can change--is solid. This is short and accessible, especially for people who aren't habitual consumers of books about personal growth. Anyone in a relationship or hoping to be in one could benefit from reading this and doing the exercises the author recommends. It's always worthwhile to try to become a more thoughtful, intentional person.
Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!
The basic premise--that you are the only person you can control and the only person you can change--is solid. This is short and accessible, especially for people who aren't habitual consumers of books about personal growth. Anyone in a relationship or hoping to be in one could benefit from reading this and doing the exercises the author recommends. It's always worthwhile to try to become a more thoughtful, intentional person.
Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!
January 27, 2022
the morale of this book is..
You don’t know shit about having an authentically great relationship.
I think the book is good just not as good as his normal books
You don’t know shit about having an authentically great relationship.
I think the book is good just not as good as his normal books
March 30, 2022
10 / 10 HIGHLY RECOMMEND. I can see myself re-reading this one multiple times.
Truth be told, I am single so not in the midst of a lot of the issues facing many couples. But I definitely learned so many things to bring to and also leave out of any future relationships.
His delivery (audiobook) is incredible you can feel his passion.
Truth be told, I am single so not in the midst of a lot of the issues facing many couples. But I definitely learned so many things to bring to and also leave out of any future relationships.
His delivery (audiobook) is incredible you can feel his passion.
February 15, 2022
Przyznam, że gdyby tę książkę napisał ktoś inny, to nie zwróciłabym na nią uwagi. Jednak to Gary Bishop, którego cenię za poprzednie jego książki. Za kubeł zimnej wody, za dosadność i bezceremonialność, która postawiła mnie do pionu w kilku kwestiach.
Tym razem Bishop bierze na tapet relacje, dlaczego nie funkcjonują tak jak w filmach, dlaczego miłość nie ma nic wspólnego ze schematami, dlaczego przyzwyczajenia robią więcej szkody niż pożytku. Kieruje swoją książkę głównie do osób w związkach, lecz nie tylko. Myślę, że single również się w niej odnajdą. Szczególnie, że to co Bishop pisze jest dość uniwersalne i do wypracowania kiedy jest się w związku, i kiedy się go nie ma, albo dopiero co zakończyło się jakąś bliską relację.
Tą publikacją autor kontynuuje myśl przewodnią swoich poprzednich publikacji czyli „Zacznij od siebie” i bądź ze sobą szczery. W kolejnych rozdziałach przekonuje jak ważna jest relacja z samym sobą. To właśnie od niej musimy zacząć budować jakiekolwiek inne relacje. Uzmysławia, że skupienie się w pierwszej kolejności na sobie, na swoich czynach, słowach i zaangażowaniu sprawi, że zmieni się nasze podejście do relacji. I robi to w swoim, ironicznym stylu, wykładając kawę na ławę, bez skrupułów i zbędnego lania wody.
Zdaję sobie sprawę, że styl Bishopa wielu osobom nie pasuje. Mnie jednak potrafi postawić do pionu. Co jest dla mnie najważniejsze – nie roztkliwia się i nie popada w moralizatorski czy patetyczny ton. Bishop serwuje otrzeźwienie, przypomina, że jak nie będziemy nad sobą pracować to nie jesteśmy w stanie stworzyć dobrej relacji – nawet z samym sobą. Stawia na szczerość nie tylko w związku z kimś, ale przede wszystkim z samym sobą. Sposobem w jaki to przekazuje może szokować i wbijać szpilki, ale jest to, w moim odczuciu, skuteczna metoda. Nie jest to publikacja wybitna, jednak Gary Bishop w swoich wywodach ma wiele słuszności. Warto po nie sięgnąć.
„CHCESZ MIEĆ RACJE CZY RELACJE”
To zdanie z całej publikacji chyba najbardziej mnie poruszyło i trafiło w czuły punkt. Bishop uzmysławia, że mamy w sobie wiele cech, które burzą wszelkie relacje. Sprawiają, ze nie jesteśmy w stanie dobrze się komunikować i dać od siebie więcej relacji w której jesteśmy. Takich otrzeźwiających i stawiających do pionu zdań jest w tej publikacji o wiele więcej. Myślę, że warto te ważne dla nas wypisać na kartce i powiesić w widocznym miejscu. Niech przypominają, o co w naszych związkach chodzi i niech trzymają nas w ryzach.
Tym razem Bishop bierze na tapet relacje, dlaczego nie funkcjonują tak jak w filmach, dlaczego miłość nie ma nic wspólnego ze schematami, dlaczego przyzwyczajenia robią więcej szkody niż pożytku. Kieruje swoją książkę głównie do osób w związkach, lecz nie tylko. Myślę, że single również się w niej odnajdą. Szczególnie, że to co Bishop pisze jest dość uniwersalne i do wypracowania kiedy jest się w związku, i kiedy się go nie ma, albo dopiero co zakończyło się jakąś bliską relację.
Tą publikacją autor kontynuuje myśl przewodnią swoich poprzednich publikacji czyli „Zacznij od siebie” i bądź ze sobą szczery. W kolejnych rozdziałach przekonuje jak ważna jest relacja z samym sobą. To właśnie od niej musimy zacząć budować jakiekolwiek inne relacje. Uzmysławia, że skupienie się w pierwszej kolejności na sobie, na swoich czynach, słowach i zaangażowaniu sprawi, że zmieni się nasze podejście do relacji. I robi to w swoim, ironicznym stylu, wykładając kawę na ławę, bez skrupułów i zbędnego lania wody.
Zdaję sobie sprawę, że styl Bishopa wielu osobom nie pasuje. Mnie jednak potrafi postawić do pionu. Co jest dla mnie najważniejsze – nie roztkliwia się i nie popada w moralizatorski czy patetyczny ton. Bishop serwuje otrzeźwienie, przypomina, że jak nie będziemy nad sobą pracować to nie jesteśmy w stanie stworzyć dobrej relacji – nawet z samym sobą. Stawia na szczerość nie tylko w związku z kimś, ale przede wszystkim z samym sobą. Sposobem w jaki to przekazuje może szokować i wbijać szpilki, ale jest to, w moim odczuciu, skuteczna metoda. Nie jest to publikacja wybitna, jednak Gary Bishop w swoich wywodach ma wiele słuszności. Warto po nie sięgnąć.
„CHCESZ MIEĆ RACJE CZY RELACJE”
To zdanie z całej publikacji chyba najbardziej mnie poruszyło i trafiło w czuły punkt. Bishop uzmysławia, że mamy w sobie wiele cech, które burzą wszelkie relacje. Sprawiają, ze nie jesteśmy w stanie dobrze się komunikować i dać od siebie więcej relacji w której jesteśmy. Takich otrzeźwiających i stawiających do pionu zdań jest w tej publikacji o wiele więcej. Myślę, że warto te ważne dla nas wypisać na kartce i powiesić w widocznym miejscu. Niech przypominają, o co w naszych związkach chodzi i niech trzymają nas w ryzach.
December 21, 2023
Mediocre and not engaging
January 28, 2022
If you know Gary then you know what to expect and this is my favorite book of his since Unfuck Yourself. If you don't know him, only pick this up if you can handle cuss words, want the straight truth, and are able to look at yourself critically. You will be hurt by this book, it will piss you off, but most importantly it will help you realize that most likely the biggest problem in your relationship (any relationship) is YOU.
January 18, 2024
2 - audiobook. Why do I keep picking up these books? His audiobooks are especially awful because he shouts them at you. This book can be summed up in one sentence “ You are the problem and only you can solve the problem.” There, I saved you four hours.
January 25, 2022
I listen to this on audio. I really just want to buy it so I can highlight every passage that made so much sense. Highly highly recommend!
June 21, 2023
Love the in your face content!
June 17, 2024
Another good one by GJB!
March 18, 2025
This book wasn’t what I was expecting and I didn’t take as much as I thought I would (didn’t necessarily need the advise he was giving, this is for people with really fucked up relationships) but here’s some points I enjoyed:
(Bishop can be crude so just take it with a grain of salt)
-even though we might not know or admit it, we go into relationships to find someone who will fix our issues.
-even though we say we have values, we usually just do whatever is convenient to us
-the problem with independent as a character trait is you’re always trying to solve your relationship issues on your own.
-fixing yourself is just another word for personal development.
- The minute you start using personal development insights to strategize ways to manipulate change or shift other people in your life, you’re done. That’s no longer personal development. You’re only really interested in forcing things to go your own way.
-don’t do stuff to get stuff. Don’t change to get the other person to change. Do what you do simply for being who you get to be.
-your partner has their own shit to handle. Solving their problems is not a solution to yours.
-are you willing to fix situations you screw up? To deal with the messes you’ve made? Can you handle apologizing?
- When your attention goes to the other person and what they should be doing, you automatically ignore you and what you’re standing for.
- We cannot make someone into who we want them to be. We must accept them for who they are.
-are you more interested in correcting your actions or being right?
- At some point we realize we were wrong, but instead of admitting, we double down.
- The more someone does this, the less able they are to intervene with the pattern. They actually begin to think they’re right.
- This gets you hostile relationships that aren’t beneficial to you.
-the more you take care of the garden, the stronger and more fruitful it becomes.
- When you have a big strong plant (strong relationship foundation), bugs and pests (fights) aren’t much of an issue.
- the less you take care of it, the bigger the weeds grow.
- a lot of people love the idea of a garden, but can’t handle the life of a gardener.
- You must struggle through the hard parts.
-you assume people will act in a way that you expect they will based on past behaviors or cultural familial ideals.
-disagreeing and arguing are often seen as no-nos, but they’re merely a form of conversation.
- If left to spiral, they will become a way of life.
- Keep all conversations to no more than 10% arguing/disagreeing.
- instead of focusing on the pettiness of percentages, ask yourself “what have I done in my relationship that has created an environment where we have to put a time limit on how long we argue”
-you’re more interested in how to stop or change a behavior, rather than how to invent a new one.
- You’re more interested in stopping the arguments than starting the love.
-you must make a list of values that are most important to you and remember those when you’re arguing
- aka is this fight worth it
- it’s not the items that you’re disagreeing about that is the problem. It’s that you’re both dug in about them, wanting to win.
-the person who has the most power in modern relationships is the person who’s more willing to completely flaunt their obligations. Who’s more willing to do what they want without any thought of promises or vows.
- The person who’s most willing to end the relationship is the person who’s most in control - how miserable, a life of threat.
-it’s your job to not only notice your predictable triggers, but also to set them aside for enough time to think. To allow yourself another view, another logic.
-if you’ve become so addicted to why things cannot happen for you, you’ll always be fighting an uphill battle.
-many people can name a relationship value, but often, what they’re talking about is what they’d like to see from their partner (loyalty, honesty, communication)
- when youre considering what values are important to you, consider this: you’re mostly thinking of things that would either prevent shit from the past happening again, or the kind of values that will somehow take care of your current laundry list of brokenness.
-when you solve an issue with your partner, you’re both agreeing that that item cannot be used in future as leverage for a shitty mood or behavior. When it’s done it’s done.
- Persistent breakdowns in trust is unworkable. Face the truth.
-50/50 is bullshit, why?
- the best you could ever hope for at one time is 50. God forbid they only put in 20 or 30. Then you respond with the same effort.
- This leads you to have to be in a constant state of checking in to see what the score is - who owes who, who’s ahead.
- How can you be all in when you’re regularly on the outside checking on the score.
-if your goal is a relationship that abides by your relationship values, then it’s up to you to bring it.
-if you do what you do with what you’ll get in return in mind, that strategy is filled with traps and dead ends that often leads to more upset
- give to get us a bullshit failed method for trying to manipulate your situation in your favor.
-everything you do is in service of the third party : the relationship.
-your partner can handle their own shit. It’s up to them to make sure they’re happy. You can give support when you have the capacity to do so, that doesn’t mean it’s your job.
-do not ask your partner to make changes to themselves for you. Decline their request for you to change for them also.
- All lasting and significant change has to come from the person themself.
-rather than focusing on external environmental and circumstantial issues, you have to turn to managing yourself and your commitments. Specifically, how you choose to respond to people. Remember that you’ve never walked in their shoes, you haven’t lived what they have. (This isn’t to excuse overtly abusive or toxic people)
-you’re not dancing with a partner, you’re dancing with yourself.
- One partner can’t focus on how the other partner might mess up. The only thing each partner can do is focus on themself. That’s the only thing in your control.
- You’ve got to stop looking at your relationships like you have any control over what the other person does or says.
-if you want out, you have to see the exit as more important than the exit your way.
- we must prepare and be responsible for who we are and who we will be when a breakup happens
- you must learn to break up not because you’re hoping to, but because you need to survive a breakup if it does come.
-honor is acting in a way that aligns with what you say.
- it is a complete reinvention of self to begin exploring life, love, success, as an honorable being.
- talk, act, and behave in a way that aligns you with all that stirs your heart.
-you don’t need help, you need releasing. You’re not in need of love, you need to love. Let that shit out. Love like there’s no tomorrow.
(Bishop can be crude so just take it with a grain of salt)
-even though we might not know or admit it, we go into relationships to find someone who will fix our issues.
-even though we say we have values, we usually just do whatever is convenient to us
-the problem with independent as a character trait is you’re always trying to solve your relationship issues on your own.
-fixing yourself is just another word for personal development.
- The minute you start using personal development insights to strategize ways to manipulate change or shift other people in your life, you’re done. That’s no longer personal development. You’re only really interested in forcing things to go your own way.
-don’t do stuff to get stuff. Don’t change to get the other person to change. Do what you do simply for being who you get to be.
-your partner has their own shit to handle. Solving their problems is not a solution to yours.
-are you willing to fix situations you screw up? To deal with the messes you’ve made? Can you handle apologizing?
- When your attention goes to the other person and what they should be doing, you automatically ignore you and what you’re standing for.
- We cannot make someone into who we want them to be. We must accept them for who they are.
-are you more interested in correcting your actions or being right?
- At some point we realize we were wrong, but instead of admitting, we double down.
- The more someone does this, the less able they are to intervene with the pattern. They actually begin to think they’re right.
- This gets you hostile relationships that aren’t beneficial to you.
-the more you take care of the garden, the stronger and more fruitful it becomes.
- When you have a big strong plant (strong relationship foundation), bugs and pests (fights) aren’t much of an issue.
- the less you take care of it, the bigger the weeds grow.
- a lot of people love the idea of a garden, but can’t handle the life of a gardener.
- You must struggle through the hard parts.
-you assume people will act in a way that you expect they will based on past behaviors or cultural familial ideals.
-disagreeing and arguing are often seen as no-nos, but they’re merely a form of conversation.
- If left to spiral, they will become a way of life.
- Keep all conversations to no more than 10% arguing/disagreeing.
- instead of focusing on the pettiness of percentages, ask yourself “what have I done in my relationship that has created an environment where we have to put a time limit on how long we argue”
-you’re more interested in how to stop or change a behavior, rather than how to invent a new one.
- You’re more interested in stopping the arguments than starting the love.
-you must make a list of values that are most important to you and remember those when you’re arguing
- aka is this fight worth it
- it’s not the items that you’re disagreeing about that is the problem. It’s that you’re both dug in about them, wanting to win.
-the person who has the most power in modern relationships is the person who’s more willing to completely flaunt their obligations. Who’s more willing to do what they want without any thought of promises or vows.
- The person who’s most willing to end the relationship is the person who’s most in control - how miserable, a life of threat.
-it’s your job to not only notice your predictable triggers, but also to set them aside for enough time to think. To allow yourself another view, another logic.
-if you’ve become so addicted to why things cannot happen for you, you’ll always be fighting an uphill battle.
-many people can name a relationship value, but often, what they’re talking about is what they’d like to see from their partner (loyalty, honesty, communication)
- when youre considering what values are important to you, consider this: you’re mostly thinking of things that would either prevent shit from the past happening again, or the kind of values that will somehow take care of your current laundry list of brokenness.
-when you solve an issue with your partner, you’re both agreeing that that item cannot be used in future as leverage for a shitty mood or behavior. When it’s done it’s done.
- Persistent breakdowns in trust is unworkable. Face the truth.
-50/50 is bullshit, why?
- the best you could ever hope for at one time is 50. God forbid they only put in 20 or 30. Then you respond with the same effort.
- This leads you to have to be in a constant state of checking in to see what the score is - who owes who, who’s ahead.
- How can you be all in when you’re regularly on the outside checking on the score.
-if your goal is a relationship that abides by your relationship values, then it’s up to you to bring it.
-if you do what you do with what you’ll get in return in mind, that strategy is filled with traps and dead ends that often leads to more upset
- give to get us a bullshit failed method for trying to manipulate your situation in your favor.
-everything you do is in service of the third party : the relationship.
-your partner can handle their own shit. It’s up to them to make sure they’re happy. You can give support when you have the capacity to do so, that doesn’t mean it’s your job.
-do not ask your partner to make changes to themselves for you. Decline their request for you to change for them also.
- All lasting and significant change has to come from the person themself.
-rather than focusing on external environmental and circumstantial issues, you have to turn to managing yourself and your commitments. Specifically, how you choose to respond to people. Remember that you’ve never walked in their shoes, you haven’t lived what they have. (This isn’t to excuse overtly abusive or toxic people)
-you’re not dancing with a partner, you’re dancing with yourself.
- One partner can’t focus on how the other partner might mess up. The only thing each partner can do is focus on themself. That’s the only thing in your control.
- You’ve got to stop looking at your relationships like you have any control over what the other person does or says.
-if you want out, you have to see the exit as more important than the exit your way.
- we must prepare and be responsible for who we are and who we will be when a breakup happens
- you must learn to break up not because you’re hoping to, but because you need to survive a breakup if it does come.
-honor is acting in a way that aligns with what you say.
- it is a complete reinvention of self to begin exploring life, love, success, as an honorable being.
- talk, act, and behave in a way that aligns you with all that stirs your heart.
-you don’t need help, you need releasing. You’re not in need of love, you need to love. Let that shit out. Love like there’s no tomorrow.
November 5, 2023
Are careva idei bunicele, Per general cam prea multa abureala
December 31, 2023
Care sunt valorile tale, valorile relației tale? Fii autentic, un om cu onoare, iubește ca și cum mâine nu ar fi, de fapt mâine nici nu este ,ci clipa de acum e tot ce contează.
January 17, 2025
Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for allowing me to review this book early. Rating and review are my own.
First off, I want to say that I love Gary John Bishop. I love listening to him talk to me. Listening to him is like having a good friend telling me to get my shit together. I have read one of his previous books on audio and loved it, so when I got accepted to read this as an arc I was really excited. Though, I did wait until it was available on audio to get, because I just can’t imagine reading it any other way. His accent and his tone takes this book to the next level.
As for the content, it was everything I wanted and expected. I feel like GJP is encouraging without patronizing. He is honest and down to earth and his advice makes sense to me. In your relationships, you need to focus on your own performance, your word, your commitment. You can't change or manipulate others into behaving how you want. This fits with his previous books advise on working on yourself and it fits very nicely into relationship advice as well.
This is a short read and a pleasure to listen to. I would recommend this to anyone who has liked his previous books or even just someone who wants a little encouraging advise without being babied.
First off, I want to say that I love Gary John Bishop. I love listening to him talk to me. Listening to him is like having a good friend telling me to get my shit together. I have read one of his previous books on audio and loved it, so when I got accepted to read this as an arc I was really excited. Though, I did wait until it was available on audio to get, because I just can’t imagine reading it any other way. His accent and his tone takes this book to the next level.
As for the content, it was everything I wanted and expected. I feel like GJP is encouraging without patronizing. He is honest and down to earth and his advice makes sense to me. In your relationships, you need to focus on your own performance, your word, your commitment. You can't change or manipulate others into behaving how you want. This fits with his previous books advise on working on yourself and it fits very nicely into relationship advice as well.
This is a short read and a pleasure to listen to. I would recommend this to anyone who has liked his previous books or even just someone who wants a little encouraging advise without being babied.
March 22, 2022
The low rating isn’t because he offended me or anything. I just feel like I read this whole book and got absolutely nothing out of it. I would be quick to point to myself just not focusing enough on the text typically but, while that may be at least a little true, I just felt like this guy wasn’t saying anything at all. I just really don’t like his writing style. “Urban philosophy” isn’t bad, it’s just this specific guy’s writing style isn’t for me. I don’t think I’ll bother reading anything else from him.
January 20, 2022
This brings previous titles together
This book brings all of Gary’s other books together. Even if you’re not in a relationship read this book!!!! It gets you to look down into your core and see what makes you tick. I’m going to go back and reread his previous books again as this one got me to look even deeper and i think I can be better.
This book brings all of Gary’s other books together. Even if you’re not in a relationship read this book!!!! It gets you to look down into your core and see what makes you tick. I’m going to go back and reread his previous books again as this one got me to look even deeper and i think I can be better.
March 12, 2022
Nice peptalk.
Read
October 24, 2024Hilarious and well written. I picture a crotchety old man dispensing life advice. Unfortunately while he tells you alot of ways you can go wrong, there's limited advice on how to do it right.
July 27, 2023
I don’t know what I was expecting from a book with this title, but Mr.author man, please stop lwiterally yelling at me
April 8, 2024
Love Gary but this can’t be read if you’re sensitive to language at all. Great concepts and ideas! Loads of F bombs
December 30, 2022
Po bestsellerach autorstwa Garego John Bishopa - „Unf*ck Yourself. Napraw się” oraz „Mądry, że F*ck”, które podbiły serca czytelników na całym świecie, przyszła pora na kolejny tytuł spod pióra tego autora. Tym razem w ręce miłośników słowa pisanego oddany został kolejny poradnik, o równie prowokującym tytule co poprzednie – „Miłość Unf*cked”. Nie ukrywam, że z ogromnym entuzjazmem przyjęłam tę wiadomość, a z jeszcze większym zasiadłam do lektury. W końcu kto nie chciałby pozyskać cennych porad, które mógłby wykorzystać w swych miłosnych doświadczeniach choćby po to, żeby je podnieść na jeszcze wyższy poziom, o ile nie wręcz naprawić.
Z tym większym zainteresowaniem rozpoczęłam analizę tej książki, że jak zapewnił sam Autor już w notatce zamieszczonej na okładce miałam odkryć tajemnice udanej relacji, do której jak autor zapewniał – nikt z nas nie jest właściwie przygotowany, a wreszcie miałam uzyskać odpowiedź na pytania jak znaleźć swą idealną drugą połowę, jak leczyć rany po zerwaniu, czy wreszcie jak odnaleźć się w małżeństwie, po rozwodzie, tudzież w roli singielki. Z racji prowadzenia licznych spraw rozwodowych, a dalej rodzinnych, pomyślałam sobie, że upiekę dwie pieczenie przy jednym ogniu – z jednej strony nabędę wiedzę na potrzeby własnego małżeńskiego funkcjonowania, a z drugiej będę mogła złotymi radami obsypać moich klientów, być może zaoszczędzając ich złotówek w portfelu, które mieliby wydać na psychoterapię. Mój zapał odrobinę przyhamował sam Autor już na wstępie wprost deklarując, że o żadnych cudownych technikach i strategiach funkcjonowania w związku bynajmniej nie będzie mowy za to książka ta będzie swoistą autoterapią.
I tu pojawia się ogromne rozczarowanie, bowiem z rozdziału na rozdział nabierałam coraz głębszego przekonania, że Autor nie ma w zasadzie pomysłu na to, aby w rzeczywistości zapewnić komfort funkcjonowania w związkach wszelkiego typu. W istocie Autor ograniczył się wprost do tego, aby stwierdzić, że za cudowną, pełnowartościową relację odpowiadamy my sami, a w konsekwencji, że funkcjonowanie w związku opartym na uczuciach wymaga popatrzenia z boku na własną osobę, powieszenia własnego ego na kołku i wzięcia odpowiedzialności za własne czyny bez obwiniania innych za niepowodzenia w kontaktach z partnerem, współpracownikami, przyjaciółmi, czy członkami własnej rodziny, niezależnie od postawy naszych relacyjnych partnerów. W końcu problem wszelkich niepowodzeń w kontaktach międzyludzkich tkwi w nas samych i musimy sobie to uświadomić, a następnie pracować nad sobą, aby osiągnąć stabilizację uczuciową. Musimy wejrzeć w głąb swych wartość, odpowiednio je uporządkować, popracować nad własnymi emocjami, a w konsekwencji stworzyć nową, lepszą wersję siebie, a wtedy już tylko życie mlekiem i miodem płynące będzie stało przed nami otworem. W ostateczności, jeśli taki plan się nie powiedzie, nasza nowa ulepszona wersja siebie musi umieć wystawiać tzw. czerwone kartki naszym niedoceniającym naszej metamorfozy partnerom, a jeśli i to zawiedzie Autor oświeci nas wiedzą jak się możliwie najmniej boleśnie rozstać.
Rozumiem, że jest to sposób postrzegania relacji przez Autora, ale do mnie zupełnie ta forma narracji tym razem nie trafiła, gdyż mam wrażenie, że w znacznej mierze uprościła sposób patrzenia na więzi międzyludzkie. Gdyby tylko zależało tak wiele od nas samych! Owszem, bynajmniej nie neguję konieczności pracy nad samym sobą, jednak wydaje mi się, patrząc po codziennych problemach współczesnych związków, że udany związek to jednak praca we dwoje nad poprawą jakości relacji – niezależnie od tego czy będzie miała ona naturę romantyczną, biznesową czy też odnosić się będzie do więzi rodzinnych.
Tym razem zatem bezpośredni i dość wyrazisty przekaz jaki właściwy jest dla wszystkich książek Bishopa do mnie nie trafił, co nie oznacza bynajmniej, że tej książki nie polecam. Uważam, że każdy musi podejść do niej indywidualnie. Być może czego jedni w niej nie odnajdą, stanie się kluczowe dla drugich. Decyzja należy zatem do Was.
Ps. Pięknie dziękuję Redakcji Sztukater za możliwość zapoznania się z treścią te książki.
Z tym większym zainteresowaniem rozpoczęłam analizę tej książki, że jak zapewnił sam Autor już w notatce zamieszczonej na okładce miałam odkryć tajemnice udanej relacji, do której jak autor zapewniał – nikt z nas nie jest właściwie przygotowany, a wreszcie miałam uzyskać odpowiedź na pytania jak znaleźć swą idealną drugą połowę, jak leczyć rany po zerwaniu, czy wreszcie jak odnaleźć się w małżeństwie, po rozwodzie, tudzież w roli singielki. Z racji prowadzenia licznych spraw rozwodowych, a dalej rodzinnych, pomyślałam sobie, że upiekę dwie pieczenie przy jednym ogniu – z jednej strony nabędę wiedzę na potrzeby własnego małżeńskiego funkcjonowania, a z drugiej będę mogła złotymi radami obsypać moich klientów, być może zaoszczędzając ich złotówek w portfelu, które mieliby wydać na psychoterapię. Mój zapał odrobinę przyhamował sam Autor już na wstępie wprost deklarując, że o żadnych cudownych technikach i strategiach funkcjonowania w związku bynajmniej nie będzie mowy za to książka ta będzie swoistą autoterapią.
I tu pojawia się ogromne rozczarowanie, bowiem z rozdziału na rozdział nabierałam coraz głębszego przekonania, że Autor nie ma w zasadzie pomysłu na to, aby w rzeczywistości zapewnić komfort funkcjonowania w związkach wszelkiego typu. W istocie Autor ograniczył się wprost do tego, aby stwierdzić, że za cudowną, pełnowartościową relację odpowiadamy my sami, a w konsekwencji, że funkcjonowanie w związku opartym na uczuciach wymaga popatrzenia z boku na własną osobę, powieszenia własnego ego na kołku i wzięcia odpowiedzialności za własne czyny bez obwiniania innych za niepowodzenia w kontaktach z partnerem, współpracownikami, przyjaciółmi, czy członkami własnej rodziny, niezależnie od postawy naszych relacyjnych partnerów. W końcu problem wszelkich niepowodzeń w kontaktach międzyludzkich tkwi w nas samych i musimy sobie to uświadomić, a następnie pracować nad sobą, aby osiągnąć stabilizację uczuciową. Musimy wejrzeć w głąb swych wartość, odpowiednio je uporządkować, popracować nad własnymi emocjami, a w konsekwencji stworzyć nową, lepszą wersję siebie, a wtedy już tylko życie mlekiem i miodem płynące będzie stało przed nami otworem. W ostateczności, jeśli taki plan się nie powiedzie, nasza nowa ulepszona wersja siebie musi umieć wystawiać tzw. czerwone kartki naszym niedoceniającym naszej metamorfozy partnerom, a jeśli i to zawiedzie Autor oświeci nas wiedzą jak się możliwie najmniej boleśnie rozstać.
Rozumiem, że jest to sposób postrzegania relacji przez Autora, ale do mnie zupełnie ta forma narracji tym razem nie trafiła, gdyż mam wrażenie, że w znacznej mierze uprościła sposób patrzenia na więzi międzyludzkie. Gdyby tylko zależało tak wiele od nas samych! Owszem, bynajmniej nie neguję konieczności pracy nad samym sobą, jednak wydaje mi się, patrząc po codziennych problemach współczesnych związków, że udany związek to jednak praca we dwoje nad poprawą jakości relacji – niezależnie od tego czy będzie miała ona naturę romantyczną, biznesową czy też odnosić się będzie do więzi rodzinnych.
Tym razem zatem bezpośredni i dość wyrazisty przekaz jaki właściwy jest dla wszystkich książek Bishopa do mnie nie trafił, co nie oznacza bynajmniej, że tej książki nie polecam. Uważam, że każdy musi podejść do niej indywidualnie. Być może czego jedni w niej nie odnajdą, stanie się kluczowe dla drugich. Decyzja należy zatem do Was.
Ps. Pięknie dziękuję Redakcji Sztukater za możliwość zapoznania się z treścią te książki.
April 1, 2023
„Oamenii se obișnuiesc cu un nivel de disperare pe care-l pot tolera și numesc asta fericire".
“Oamenii nu încetează pur și simplu să se mai iubească. Iubirea se degradează nefiind folosită”,
“Relaţiile sunt despre creație, creație, creație. Nimic altceva. Totul în viață este despre relații, iar calitatea relațiilor tale dictează calitatea vieții tale. Tu ai contro lul asupra slăbiciunilor tale. Te poți elibe ra de cârligele tale, pentru a dobândi forţa să-ți creezi o mare relaţie. Tu eşti arhitectul, magicianul minunea de-a fi viu și capacitatea nelimitată de a te modifica, atât pe tine, cât și viața în sine. Mergi mai aproape de ideea de ,,noi", în loc de jocul banal pe care-l joacă toată lumea, jocul de-a „eu“. Nu poți fi în ,,noi“, dacă prima ta grijă este ,,eu", dar și opusul e valabil, pentru că lucrurile nu merg bine nici când totul e despre celălalt". Fii campion în această uniune. Noi.”
“Tăiem, îndepărtăm și mărunțim până ce obținem mica noastră viață perfectă în care ne putem trăi existența fără să fim ră niți, vătămaţi sau tulburați, iar când ne iese în cale cineva care ne deranjează uni versul nostru fragil, TĂIAT! La revedere. Ce înseamnă toate astea? Înseamnă că te micşorezi, că lumea ta se micşorează, iar tu devii o persoană mai sensibilă, mai anxioasă, mai îngrijorată și, în cele din urmă, mai neinspirată. În lumea asta, ești o ,,ființă“ mare, pe măsura tuturor lucruri lor pe care viața ți le scoate în cale. Nu mi cşorezi contextul ca să te descurci, ci lu crezi asupra ta, crești, te extinzi, prinzi mai multă flexibilitate și spirit de aventură și dezvolți un apetit de viață care se stinge doar atunci când lași necazurile vieții în urmă pentru a porni pe ultimul drum.”
“Oamenii nu încetează pur și simplu să se mai iubească. Iubirea se degradează nefiind folosită”,
“Relaţiile sunt despre creație, creație, creație. Nimic altceva. Totul în viață este despre relații, iar calitatea relațiilor tale dictează calitatea vieții tale. Tu ai contro lul asupra slăbiciunilor tale. Te poți elibe ra de cârligele tale, pentru a dobândi forţa să-ți creezi o mare relaţie. Tu eşti arhitectul, magicianul minunea de-a fi viu și capacitatea nelimitată de a te modifica, atât pe tine, cât și viața în sine. Mergi mai aproape de ideea de ,,noi", în loc de jocul banal pe care-l joacă toată lumea, jocul de-a „eu“. Nu poți fi în ,,noi“, dacă prima ta grijă este ,,eu", dar și opusul e valabil, pentru că lucrurile nu merg bine nici când totul e despre celălalt". Fii campion în această uniune. Noi.”
“Tăiem, îndepărtăm și mărunțim până ce obținem mica noastră viață perfectă în care ne putem trăi existența fără să fim ră niți, vătămaţi sau tulburați, iar când ne iese în cale cineva care ne deranjează uni versul nostru fragil, TĂIAT! La revedere. Ce înseamnă toate astea? Înseamnă că te micşorezi, că lumea ta se micşorează, iar tu devii o persoană mai sensibilă, mai anxioasă, mai îngrijorată și, în cele din urmă, mai neinspirată. În lumea asta, ești o ,,ființă“ mare, pe măsura tuturor lucruri lor pe care viața ți le scoate în cale. Nu mi cşorezi contextul ca să te descurci, ci lu crezi asupra ta, crești, te extinzi, prinzi mai multă flexibilitate și spirit de aventură și dezvolți un apetit de viață care se stinge doar atunci când lași necazurile vieții în urmă pentru a porni pe ultimul drum.”
January 16, 2024
Disclaimer: I read this book for a class where topics included scientific work on love and relationships - our final project was to read and evaluate a book on the topic.
What's there to love about Love Unf*cked? There's a big focus on self-improvement to better the reader's relationship. So if looking inward is something that would be helpful, be ready to do at least some reflecting on your values and ways of approaching your relationship. On the research side, there are LOTS of topics that the author brings up that haven't been explored much in psychological research on romantic relationships. So reading this also sparked some ideas for me as a researcher working in the field.
What could have been done better? I think it would have been helpful if the author had elaborated on his background and perspectives and how they might have influenced his approach to relationships. As someone who is not a White man with a wife, it was interesting how some points were influenced by his background (such as his thoughts on polyamorous relationships). From a research perspective, there's also a lot of room for improvement. Throughout the book, the author cites studies and figures on topics in romantic relationships but does a poor job of giving specific sources for this research. Finally, being more specific. Much of the advice given is very broad and vague and there aren't many concrete suggestions for how to implement his recommendations. This makes the chapters feel a bit lacking.
Will this book get your relationship sh!t together? Maybe not. But it's a hell of a fun read.
What's there to love about Love Unf*cked? There's a big focus on self-improvement to better the reader's relationship. So if looking inward is something that would be helpful, be ready to do at least some reflecting on your values and ways of approaching your relationship. On the research side, there are LOTS of topics that the author brings up that haven't been explored much in psychological research on romantic relationships. So reading this also sparked some ideas for me as a researcher working in the field.
What could have been done better? I think it would have been helpful if the author had elaborated on his background and perspectives and how they might have influenced his approach to relationships. As someone who is not a White man with a wife, it was interesting how some points were influenced by his background (such as his thoughts on polyamorous relationships). From a research perspective, there's also a lot of room for improvement. Throughout the book, the author cites studies and figures on topics in romantic relationships but does a poor job of giving specific sources for this research. Finally, being more specific. Much of the advice given is very broad and vague and there aren't many concrete suggestions for how to implement his recommendations. This makes the chapters feel a bit lacking.
Will this book get your relationship sh!t together? Maybe not. But it's a hell of a fun read.
June 2, 2025
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed in this book. I caught at least seven typos throughout the first edition of this that I was reading. Seriously, who did the edits? That did not make a good impression. That being said, there was some actionable advice offered in this after the approximate first half of the book that was chock-full of generalizations that are the entire reason it took me more than three years to bother with finishing reading this book.
This book is meant to be read by anyone no matter what stage you're at in your relationships. As you may have guessed, the content is meant to be applied solely to romantic relationships, though I would argue that some of this material could be applied to friendships and familial relationships, too, should it resonate with you in such a way.
Am I going to reread this book? No. Do I think that it can still hold value for any reader? Yes. So do give it a read. It's less than 200 pages with ample spaces between the lines, a slightly larger-than-average font, and chapter title pages that take up entire blank pages. It's not as much of a struggle to get through as you might think because of those reasons.
This book is meant to be read by anyone no matter what stage you're at in your relationships. As you may have guessed, the content is meant to be applied solely to romantic relationships, though I would argue that some of this material could be applied to friendships and familial relationships, too, should it resonate with you in such a way.
Am I going to reread this book? No. Do I think that it can still hold value for any reader? Yes. So do give it a read. It's less than 200 pages with ample spaces between the lines, a slightly larger-than-average font, and chapter title pages that take up entire blank pages. It's not as much of a struggle to get through as you might think because of those reasons.
October 1, 2025
I loved this book. You know the saying that books don’t let you read them until you’re ready for them? That was this for me. I’ve had this downloaded on my kindle for QUITE some time. Started reading it over a year ago, couldn’t get through the opening pages. Now? I zoomed through it in three days, and will most likely revisit specific chapters from time to time.
I enjoyed the synchronicities I experienced while reading this book, too. Topics that have come up in my journaling sessions, and even the last book I read, “The Courage to be disliked” started to put new ideas into perspective.
Is it a guidebook to relationships? No— & I would hope not cause that’s not really how relationships operate. Is it sober advice on how to reframe your approach to relationships? Absolutely. And the conversations I’ve had with myself since picking this up again have been eye opening. Transformative even. Lots to sit with and unpack, which I love that a book can spark this change for me.
& thank you Gary for ending with some encouragement cause you were definitely yelling at me the entire time, lol.
I enjoyed the synchronicities I experienced while reading this book, too. Topics that have come up in my journaling sessions, and even the last book I read, “The Courage to be disliked” started to put new ideas into perspective.
Is it a guidebook to relationships? No— & I would hope not cause that’s not really how relationships operate. Is it sober advice on how to reframe your approach to relationships? Absolutely. And the conversations I’ve had with myself since picking this up again have been eye opening. Transformative even. Lots to sit with and unpack, which I love that a book can spark this change for me.
& thank you Gary for ending with some encouragement cause you were definitely yelling at me the entire time, lol.
June 5, 2022
This book will give you a few concrete steps to take in a relationship to build a more solid foundation. Trying the suggestions in this book would be a good exercise with or before couples counseling. Worth a read as it’s super quick and flows as a conversation. Lots of major keys on acceptance & commitment. The power of saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Relationships without mind reading.
What I really did not like was the vilifying of emotions. I think it is an overcorrection of recent zeitgeist to “trust your gut” above everything. Neither are ideal- we function well when we are in a balance of both. Humans ultimately make decisions with their emotions, and I feel this book would have been better framed by focusing on long-term emotional success instead of putting logic & commitment v. Emotions. What he truly gets at is the idea that emotions aren’t to be impulsively and hedonistically acted on at all times.
This book seems to shit on non-monogamy which is unnecessary imo.
What I really did not like was the vilifying of emotions. I think it is an overcorrection of recent zeitgeist to “trust your gut” above everything. Neither are ideal- we function well when we are in a balance of both. Humans ultimately make decisions with their emotions, and I feel this book would have been better framed by focusing on long-term emotional success instead of putting logic & commitment v. Emotions. What he truly gets at is the idea that emotions aren’t to be impulsively and hedonistically acted on at all times.
This book seems to shit on non-monogamy which is unnecessary imo.
April 4, 2024
This book was a quick and in your face approach to relationships. I really enjoy the way this author writes, (and delivers if you choose to listen to the audiobook). So many of us fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to relationships, and let our emotions dominate how we act and behave. This book challenges YOU to look inward, and see how YOUR words, actions, and commitments to who YOU say you’re going to be impact your relationships in life. Big idea: Give up the need to always be right.
I loved the approach, and only rate it 4 stars because while it does a great job making you rethink and reframe your own personal scenarios when it comes to your relationships, it falls a bit short in giving practical advice, other than staying true to yourself; but then again, that may be intentional.
A great read/listen for anyone who is open to work on themselves, and who won’t get offended by Gary cutting straight through the bullshit that you tell yourself on a daily basis to make yourself feel better.
I loved the approach, and only rate it 4 stars because while it does a great job making you rethink and reframe your own personal scenarios when it comes to your relationships, it falls a bit short in giving practical advice, other than staying true to yourself; but then again, that may be intentional.
A great read/listen for anyone who is open to work on themselves, and who won’t get offended by Gary cutting straight through the bullshit that you tell yourself on a daily basis to make yourself feel better.
February 22, 2022
🤍 MIŁOŚĆ UNF*CKED 🤍
„𝒫𝑜𝓀𝑜𝒸𝒽𝒶𝒿 𝓈𝓌𝑜𝒿𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝓏𝑒𝓈𝓏𝓀𝑜𝒹𝓎”
Jeżeli ktoś zna pióro Gary’ego Bishopa, wie czego może spodziewać się po książkach tego autora. Powinien być gotowy na porcję soczystych słów, bez owijania w bawełnę.
W tej książce autor pokazuje nam swoją perspektywę patrzenia na związki. Opiera swoją teorie na tym, że cały związek opiera się tak naprawdę tylko i wyłącznie na Tobie i nie tyczy się to tylko związków romantycznych.
Perspektywa, uczucia, zaangażowanie, to tylko i wyłącznie Ty. Wszystko zaczyna się od Ciebie. Jak z twoim honorem? Jak z wyznaczaniem granic? Halo? Coś się odzywa?
Książka trochę może Cię skrzywdzić, może Cię wkurzyć, ale skoro coś się we mnie ruszyło, to może są rzeczy w moim życiu, które JA muszę przepracować? Wyznaczanie wartości, składanie obietnic i ustanawianie zasad.
„Chcesz mieć racje czy relacje?”.
Czasami warto się zastanowić nad samym sobą i nie szukać problemów w innych ludziach, bo co jeżeli to Ty jesteś problemem?
„𝒫𝑜𝓀𝑜𝒸𝒽𝒶𝒿 𝓈𝓌𝑜𝒿𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝓏𝑒𝓈𝓏𝓀𝑜𝒹𝓎”
Jeżeli ktoś zna pióro Gary’ego Bishopa, wie czego może spodziewać się po książkach tego autora. Powinien być gotowy na porcję soczystych słów, bez owijania w bawełnę.
W tej książce autor pokazuje nam swoją perspektywę patrzenia na związki. Opiera swoją teorie na tym, że cały związek opiera się tak naprawdę tylko i wyłącznie na Tobie i nie tyczy się to tylko związków romantycznych.
Perspektywa, uczucia, zaangażowanie, to tylko i wyłącznie Ty. Wszystko zaczyna się od Ciebie. Jak z twoim honorem? Jak z wyznaczaniem granic? Halo? Coś się odzywa?
Książka trochę może Cię skrzywdzić, może Cię wkurzyć, ale skoro coś się we mnie ruszyło, to może są rzeczy w moim życiu, które JA muszę przepracować? Wyznaczanie wartości, składanie obietnic i ustanawianie zasad.
„Chcesz mieć racje czy relacje?”.
Czasami warto się zastanowić nad samym sobą i nie szukać problemów w innych ludziach, bo co jeżeli to Ty jesteś problemem?
July 14, 2022
I didn't love this book. I think apart of the reason I didn't love it, is because I didn't resonate with a lot of it. What I could relate to I did enjoy.
Some parts I resonate with/ that made me think:
-"People settle for a level of despair they can tolerate and call it happiness"
-"Your partner and your relationship with them, is never going to fix your insecurities. Only you can do that. The good news is you have the power to do that, and in doing so, can truly take on reinventing yourself and your relationship"
-"People do not fall out of love, it degrades from lack of use"
-"Control comes from fear"
-"Their happiness is theres to express and be responsible for"
-"You should always be working on yourself, especially on your ability to deal with yourself when your at your worst"
-"You've got to stop looking at your relationships like you have any control over what the other person says or does"
Some parts I resonate with/ that made me think:
-"People settle for a level of despair they can tolerate and call it happiness"
-"Your partner and your relationship with them, is never going to fix your insecurities. Only you can do that. The good news is you have the power to do that, and in doing so, can truly take on reinventing yourself and your relationship"
-"People do not fall out of love, it degrades from lack of use"
-"Control comes from fear"
-"Their happiness is theres to express and be responsible for"
-"You should always be working on yourself, especially on your ability to deal with yourself when your at your worst"
-"You've got to stop looking at your relationships like you have any control over what the other person says or does"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 3, 2025
Though this book contained some interesting nuggets, I spent the mercifully short time listening to it feeling like Bishop was yelling at me. It took a while to get past his distractingly heavy accent and accept his preacher-like style of delivery, but once I did I could understand what he was saying. That said, I didn't feel like he provided enough examples or suggestions on how to apply his tenants. Almost all the way through the book, he finally asks the reader to take a moment and write down what they value. This might be the first practical exercise offered. More of that and some examples of relationships that worked or didn't work depending on what the chapter was about would have gone a long way in illustrating what Bishop is trying to get across. Without that, it just sounds like someone yelling reasons why you're not living your best relationship at you (with no constructive ideas on how to fix the situation).
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