The Problem with Men: When is International Men’s Day?

by Richard Herring

For the past five years, Richard Herring has been answering sexist trolls on International Women's Day when they ask 'when is International Men's Day?' in the mistaken belief there isn't one. There is, it's on November 19th. Three years ago, Richard started raising money for his enormous Twitter efforts each IWD, raising hundreds of thousands of pounds for Refuge and Calm.

In The Problem with Men Richard expands on those discussions and tackles some of the big questions surrounding the problems of toxic masculinity - for women, but also for men - including:

- Should men fear feminism?
- Is society sexist against men?
- Could you win a point against Serena Williams?

*spoiler* The answer to all of these is no.

With Richard's signature humour and insight, The Problem with Men is a book for anyone striving for an equal society, all year round.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Feminism, Comedy, Audiobook, Politics, Social Justice

Audiobook

First published November 5, 2020

Reviews

[Michael Legge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shame he dies in the end.

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars, rounded up because of the interview with Deborah Frances-White from The Guilty Feminist podcast, which is sadly only available on the audiobook version. Deborah's section addressed a lot of the comments I had on other sections of the book and it would be great if a transcript of the interview could be added to the physical version too.

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the rest of the book - I found it really funny, although of course humour is subjective and not everyone will enjoy Herring's style - it's just that he was hampered by the short chapter format imposed by wanting to have 19 chapters in a book with a low word count (Nov 19th is International Men's Day - if you didn't know that already you definitely will be the time you finish the book!) It meant that there were quite a few topics I wish he'd covered in a bit more detail, but I guess there are other books already dealing with them and maybe this one is only meant to be a broad introduction.

[Tony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another day, another book by a comedian is read. This is a funny tour through Richard Herring's experience dealing with men tweeting 'When is International Men's Day'* on International Women's Day.

He uses that seed to take a wander through the motivations of the people that tweet that question, the problems of masculinity and why we should take International Men's Day [on November 19th] seriously.

This isn't just a comedic rant. He backs up a lot of his thinking with that thing that causes terror in the modern world - FACTS! And he makes important points, about how equality is a benefit to men as well as women and how, perhaps, if we have an International Men's Day** we should take it seriously and use it to help deal with issues that men do face.

It's short, sharp, and well-argued. Give it a read.

*It's on November 19th
** We do. It's on November 19th.

[Ieva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Žēl, ka tik īsi - klausījos audio un tas ir nieka 3 stundas 40 minūtes, turklāt galā vēl ir stendapa priekšnesuma un podkāsta intervijas ieraksts. Tāda humoristiska eseja, es teiktu, līdz grāmtai manā subjektīvā un vārdos nenoformējamā definīcijā liekas, ka pietrūkst.
Bet tas, kas ir man ļoti patika. Jau vairāk kā 10 gadus komiķis Ričrads Herings ir uzņēmies misiju 8.martā Twiter atbildēt sintiem vīriešu uz jautājumu "bet kad ir starptautiskā vīriešu diena"? (19.novembrī) Un te viņš stāsta, kāpēc to dara, par savu redzējumu par feminismu un kāpēc sieviešu vienlīdzība ir svarīga arī vīriešiem. Vairākkārt valdīju smieklus (jo klausījos sabiedriskajā transportā), tā ka humora ziņā man pavisam noteikti patika.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Important and funny. The audiobook has some good extras, and you get to hear Herring absolutely lose it every time he's mad about something. The only downside was the interview with Deborah F-W. As a former listener to the Guilty Feminist podcast and a member of the Facebook group she shut down after a row over a trans joke (and never addressed it), I don't feel like she represents feminists and I don't want her as a spokesperson for us. That's an extra on the audiobook though and I don't want it to tar the good work that Herring has done in making this book. I've watched him do his crusade year after year and I'm grateful. And I wish more men would take a stand against the patriarchy, for the sake of women, men and everyone else who is harmed by it (i.e. everyone).

[Deb Lancaster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grand. Very Herring, but with lots of actually important stuff in too. My only complaint is it's dead short, but that's a good problem to have because it means I would have liked to have read more. So you know.

[Zoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would read again purely for it's silliness.

Buy a copy for any man (or woman!) you might know who has asked that bloody question!

[Jack Stark · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and humorous look at the problems of masculinity (toxic and generally). A little repetitive at times, and little more than one guy giving his opinion on the issue. But, generally, a fun quick read.

[Kimberley Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good enough read.

While I do appreciate the sentiment of defending International Women's Day and showing us that so many men are bothered that they don't have their own celebratory day, I do find this book a bit lacking. The retort of explaining that there is an actual international men's day has been repetitive. But this book really showed the problem with men whose egos are so big they can't even give a day to recognise women.
It is so frustrating and I wish this book tackles more about the actual problem with men and what ways can men make a difference in contributing to equality. I am expecting more from a man's perspective since it is written by a man and most feminist books are obviously written by women.

[Adelka · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book about gender equality targeted towards a male audience, which I think is great and very necessary in this day and age. Herring's narrative voice is funny in a genuinely laugh-out-loud way, which is always a bonus in terms of both accessibility and enjoyment. I think it definitely brings up plenty of very important and beneficial points with regard to sexism in the present, and that lots of men would benefit from giving it a go. It's certainly more of an initial stepping stone into feminism rather than a definitive guide- I would recommend following it up with Rebecca Solnit's 'Men Explain Things to Me' and progressing further from there- but a good place to start.

[Tom Blurbgess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being generous, since there's nothing profound to it and I sort of wish I spent a few hours reading something more informative. Not much beyond what I expected either, and his interview with John Robins covers a lot of it. Still some witty and insightful moments that doesn't make out it's anything more than a documentation of Richard's frustration (of spending every International Women's Day replying to men asking when their day is (November 19th)); probably a great passive-aggressive present to people who ask similar provocative/contrarian questions. Really glad this exists too, although it's a pretty small group of people it will properly inform, i.e. those open enough to reading about feminism that haven't ventured into anything before beyond social media, but only if a once-controversial male comedian is speaking his mind about it. Nevertheless, it's short and sweet, and there's some surprising stats you won't have come across.

[Kerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up. This is a really funny introduction to some of the basic issues surrounding feminism and toxic masculinity. I laughed out loud several times and enjoyed the light-hearted nature of the book whilst discussing serious topics. The chapter about men believing they could hold their own against Serena Williams in a tennis match is hilarious. I marked it down for the lack of depth and the repetitiveness but this is a great little read and the audiobook has some really good extras.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned:
He is Nostradamus! An interesting take on the old “well how’s that equality if it doesn’t represent me?” argument. After many years experience of tackling sneering comments on social media, this covers a wide balance of related elements, with his usual comedy approach. I will never listen to a book that mentions November 19th more. I shall also now be celebrating CAPS LOCK DAY

[Ellen Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - I knew Richard Herring off Taskmaster, but didn’t realise he did this for IWD each year.
His humour in this book is brilliant - the dry, witty remarks just elevate it.
It’s a super quick read, and I thought the topics are written about in a candid way without oversimplifying.

Would recommend for a fast and funny read.

[Amar · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Wendy Storey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny.

[Rose Stanley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughtful, articulate and funny - I snortlaughed many times (there can be no higher accolade).
Look forward to reading this again on International Men's Day...whenever that is : P

[R-mig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had thought-provoking moments on 20 pages, laughed because of 13 pages, and had WTF instances four times.

[Don Jimmy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book, so I’ll keep this short. The book is part reminder of when International Men’s Day is – part look at why men have nothing to fear from the feminist movement. It all started with people asking an easily “google-able” question (if that isn’t a word I don’t care) “When is International Men’s Day?” while people were celebrating International Women’s Day.

Filled with good info, and some great humour I thought this was a great read. At times it got a bit repetitive, but that IS the main joke in this book – to tell people when the date is. It’s November 19th by the way – which, is the day I actually read it.

Highly recommended.

[Thomas Unitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book. I have been following Richard Herrings Twitter Feed on International Womens Day for a few years now and always thought it was a noble cause, with good humour sprinkled in. The book is simply more of that, in just over 150 pages, Herring puts together a simple to understand and funny article on feminism, men, bruised masculinity and so much more. It's laugh out loud funny and genuinely informative. I loved it.

It's November 19th.

[Stephen Theaker · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny little book about how he tried for a decade to reply to the hundreds of men who ask the same daft question every International Women's Day: when is it International Men's Day? I might have to buy the audiobook too, just to hear those pathetic, whiny tweets read out loud.

It's not perfect: the title's a bit grand for a book with such a narrow focus; the ebook footnotes are confusing; it uses the word gender in some places where sex would make more sense; and it's slightly misleading to say no one gets mad about International Men's Day.

Also, I don't think Bill Burr was at all wrong to be suspicious of the inauthenticity of many self-described male feminists. They frequently turn out to be actively sexist and anti-feminist, enthusiastic proponents (and consumers) of prostitution, pornography and paid surrogacy.

But it's good. Its biggest strengths are (a) being funny and (b) setting out a vision for what International Men's Day could be about: praising positive male role models, checking in with friends, helping those who need it. A day where we put our energy into being the best men we can be.

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

After something of a lull following huge success with his comedy partner Stewart Lee in the 1990s, Richard Herring has gradually clawed his way back into the mainstream consciousness by (in a somewhat punk rock, DIY way), ploughing his own furrow with a never-ending stream of podcasts, blogs and stand-up comedy, funding his work via small-scale subscriptions to to what is, in essence, a fan club. Over time, the comedy world has been drawn back into his orbit, to the point where Herring is once again making frequent appearances on prime-time TV, and in a huge blow to his brand, even starting to win quiz shows.
A not insignificant component of his gradual comeback of sorts, has been Herring's annual sentry duty on Twitter, answering the endless tedious questions from men on International Women's Day, mostly presuming that of course, there couldn't possibly be an International Men's Day in the woke, PC world that we all now inhabit.

IT'S NOVEMBER 19TH!

Using his years of amusing comebacks to these inane Twitter questions as a starting point, The Problem With Men firstly looks at why there is an International Women's Day in the first place and why it is important, before going on to (lightly) examine why men are so determined to oppose it, or alternatively find 'reverse sexism' where it doesn't exist, and then, most interestingly, offers a surprisingly considered take on the need for and lack of success of International Men's Day. The answers are hopefully obvious to anyone with any significant capacity for critical thinking, but Herring has a frequently-used gift for cloaking a serious and thought-provoking point in intentionally offensive and often laugh out loud humour, which makes his book supremely easy to read. One of the most amusing chapters concerns the results of a survey in which a large number of men embarrassingly overestimate their own ability to take on Serena Williams at tennis, and the reader can sense an incipient stand-up routine fighting its way out of the structure of the book, and hopefully on to the stage in future.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book - it's well-intentioned, well-argued and mostly hilarious. If I have any criticism, it is that (understandably, this is not an academic tome) it occasionally resembles a series of extended tweets, or even blog posts drawn together into a compendium that doesn't always hang together into a single narrative thread, but this is a mild problem, and ultimately it is a funny, breezy read, that makes you think that little bit more than you might expect it to.

[- ̗̀ Laura ̖́- · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't think I looked into this book enough before starting it because it was not at all what I expected.

I assumed it was on the same level of information density as works like White Tears, Brown Scars or Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male Power.

Maybe this book is ok for dudes who just recently started getting into feminism and need to hear it from another dude?
But as someone who had a twitter account in 2016 as a woman, there was hardly any new or groundbreaking discovery or information to be gathered. The book felt overall very dated and I was surprised when I saw the publishing date.
The humor didn't land for me and just felt condescending, which wasn't helped by the author adressing his own gender and the hypocrisy one could perceive because of it. But just because you're self aware while doing it, but still doing it nontheless... does that make really make it better or do you just sound self-congratulatory for tweeting?

[Susannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the title alone this sounds like an anti-man book. However, it is not against men, it is against men asking when International Men's Day is (November 19th) on International Women's Day (March 8th) in order to point out some kind of gender inequality.

Richard Herring is a male English comedian who has made it his personal mission for the past 9 years to reply to tweets on Twitter that ask when International Men's Day is on March 8th. He includes extracts of tweets before each chapter. The chapters are also short, sharp and easy to read. Since he is a comedian, the book is very humorous in tone, however he makes some very salient points about gender equality and toxic masculinity. So this book is not an attack on men, but rather a plea for them to understand why it is necessary to have an International Women's Day, and to not undermine it by making it about men.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Richard Herring's The Problem with Men: When is International Men’s Day?* (And Why it Matters) is a puerile, repetitive and hilarious bit of nonsense that inexplicably transcends its ranty absurdity to reveal a concise, poignant and powerful meditative essay on toxic masculinity.

A perfect read for International Men’s Day**.




*It's on November 19th
** November 19th

[Jack Bates · Rating 5 out of 5]

A silly book about a serious subject

For nine years Richard Keith performed an apparently endless task, telling the people (mostly men) asking ' but when is International Men's Day?' on International Women's Day when International Men's Day is. (November 19th.) In the process he's raised a lot of money for Refuge and sent himself to the edge of reason. Here's a book about why he did it, what he's learned, and why International Men's Day could be a useful thing. Just don't expect women, international or otherwise, to organise it for you, fellas.

[Amy Carver · Rating 2 out of 5]

Herring is a British comedian, writer, and podcaster who for the last ten years has been answering “When is International Men’s Day” on International Women’s Day on Twitter. (It’s November 19th.) This short book contains his thoughts and reflections on that process. He talks about International Men’s Day (which is on November 19th) and its origins. Also there’s some other stuff in there. I really like Herring’s other work but this was a little meh to me. I think it’s great if he’s reaching an audience who has never heard/thought about this stuff before. I’m just not that audience.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first book in my quest to find out what it is really like to be a man in the 21st century. I had a few laughs along the way but learned 3 things as follows:
1. International Men’s Day is on November 19th (Thank you, Richard).
2. Some men are pricks who prefer the sound of their own voice more than factual accuracy (who knew!!!!).
3. Some men are not pricks who might be prepared to acknowledge that women are not the enemy and that equality is for everybody. (I think I might have already known this……..).

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's certainly nothing here to disappoint fans of Richard Herring but this short book just seems a bit... lacking. It feels like (and probably has been) a collection of Herring's 'Warming Up' blog posts, and perhaps could have been developed into a stand-up routine, but in this format (19 NOVel questions and answers) none of Herring's rants and arguments really go anywhere, other than to labour the point about when it is International Men's Day¹.

¹ It's November 19th.

[BurritoChris · Rating 5 out of 5]

A big lot of fun. I love that Richard has not only used his position of privilege and moderate fame to spread several positive messages when he could have just made something dumb and pointless. He also cites all his sources and shows that he has actually thought about and put real research into his points.

His constant anger at people who ask 'when is International Men's Day' never stops being funny, and his writing style is really easy to read. I hence recommend it to you.