What do you think?
Rate this book
Balancing Bountiful: What I Learned about Feminism from My Polygamist Grandmothers
As the daughter of Mormon leader Winston Blackmore, Mary Jayne Blackmore grew up within the closed-off polygamist community of Bountiful, BC. She spent her younger years riding ponies, raising pet lambs and playing in the hay in the Old Barn. Her family’s staunch Fundamentalist Mormon faith imposed fanatical doomsday preparation and carried an instilled fear of the world outside her community.The church community split in 2002 when her father was revoked of his leadership position by Prophet Warren Jeffs. In 2017 Winston Blackmore was convicted of practicing polygamy further inciting the media sensationalism and worldwide criticism that had surrounded Bountiful for decades. Through the evolving and controversial narrative of her young adult life, Mary Jayne was forced to redefine her faith, family and womanhood for herself.Along with her own healing journey, Mary Jayne works to support healing within her family and community. She is also building her own place in the world—as a teacher, mother, writer and educated woman—and she has managed to restore loving bonds with her family, including her father.From a childhood in an idyllic but sheltered community to early adulthood in an arranged marriage, ensuing divorce, and eventual return to Bountiful, Balancing Bountiful is Mary Jayne’s journey of coming of age and coming to terms with her background as she strives to answer the What is the right kind of family, the right kind of woman and the right kind of feminist?
- GenresNonfiction
317 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 16, 2021
4 people are currently reading
110 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
December 30, 2022
What did Mary Jayne Blackmore learn about feminism from her polygamist grandmothers? She never says. Considering the highly specific subtitle of her book, I am left utterly bewildered. This book is a memoir of life growing up in a fundamentalist Mormon sect, it is NOT a book about feminism or feminist learning. Not only does Blackmore omit her grandmothers teachings about feminism (if there were any), she also fails to include and expound upon her own understanding of what it means to be a feminist. In fact, the only recorded mentioning of feminism from her Grandma is a bash against the artist Cher, calling her "an ungodly feminist" and a "bra-burning hippie". Furthermore, she writes that she has "an idea" that her Grandma Mem was a feminist, and that she has "decided" that her "husband, brothers and father are also feminists because they support their wives getting an education". Supporting education for women does not a feminist make. Nor is it up to Blackmore to "decide" whether her clearly patriarchal family members are feminist or not.
As a self proclaimed feminist, social justice warrior, and protector of the innocent, Blackmore has yet to take a deeper delve into the intersectionality of all forms of bigotry. This book includes detailed accounts of the mass exploitation and slaughter of female bodies for their eggs and flesh, as well as of stealing babies from mothers in order to further exploit their female bodies for milk. Blackmore has failed to connect these stories of enslaved individuals into her narrative of feminism and instead writes of these atrocities as "fun" accounts of her childhood experiences. "We both love birds" Blackmore states when she and her Father discover a Robin's nest. I would like to ask Blackmore whether she includes chickens as part of the bird family, and if so, what is her definition of "love" in this context? I would encourage Blackmore to be consistent with her beliefs and expand her understanding of feminism to include ALL females, and I would suggest that her dream of peace on earth should begin with peace at the dinner table.
If this book had been solely titled "Balancing Bountiful" it would have received a much higher rating, as it is a fairly well written and interesting memoir. However, due to the highly misleading subtitle considering the lack of any real feminist substance, I am left feeling disappointed as this book definitely misses the mark in regards to the full title.
As a self proclaimed feminist, social justice warrior, and protector of the innocent, Blackmore has yet to take a deeper delve into the intersectionality of all forms of bigotry. This book includes detailed accounts of the mass exploitation and slaughter of female bodies for their eggs and flesh, as well as of stealing babies from mothers in order to further exploit their female bodies for milk. Blackmore has failed to connect these stories of enslaved individuals into her narrative of feminism and instead writes of these atrocities as "fun" accounts of her childhood experiences. "We both love birds" Blackmore states when she and her Father discover a Robin's nest. I would like to ask Blackmore whether she includes chickens as part of the bird family, and if so, what is her definition of "love" in this context? I would encourage Blackmore to be consistent with her beliefs and expand her understanding of feminism to include ALL females, and I would suggest that her dream of peace on earth should begin with peace at the dinner table.
If this book had been solely titled "Balancing Bountiful" it would have received a much higher rating, as it is a fairly well written and interesting memoir. However, due to the highly misleading subtitle considering the lack of any real feminist substance, I am left feeling disappointed as this book definitely misses the mark in regards to the full title.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 25, 2021
I picked this book up as a recommendation from a friend, and seeing as I live ten minutes from Bountiful in the shadow of the Skimmerhorn I was curious to read an insider’s story of growing up in a Mormon Polygamist cult. It was a down to earth book written from the time she was a young child to present day adult. Written in first person present tense you really get the sense of her childlike perspective and the slow dawning awareness of how different her family is compared to “outside” culture.
Funnily enough, I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian western Canadian Bible school town and could identify with many of the religious instructions she endured though definitely not to the extreme she did with wearing neck to ankle underwear at all times, but at least she could go dancing. I never did learn to dance. Because dancing leads to babies…or some other such nonsense. The Be Sweet instruction and purity culture I definitely could relate to. The being prepared for the end times and judgement. Yep that too. But not the multiple wives. Designated marriages etc… nope that would’ve been frowned upon in my circles. The waiting for the inspiration or call from God, yep definitely relate to that.
Anyway, this book does not bash polygamy if that’s what you’re hoping for. It’s mostly a daughter’s wrestling with her parents’ humanity and how people are complicated and multifaceted, and how religion makes things even more complicated. It’s about people trying to live how they see God directing them to live and not quite being able too because people are human and complicated. It’s about community when it’s vibrant and thriving and then suddenly not and wrestling with division and hurt and misunderstandings.
Unfortunately I was a bit confused in sections where it felt details were missing and I wasn’t getting the full story to understand what was going on in certain scenes. It made parts of the story ambiguous and hard to understand. Especially in regards to her aunt Debbie and her mother. But I can understand if she was trying to respect their privacy. It made me feel I couldn’t quite trust what she was saying about her dad and other male leaders in the community in which nothing was ever explained. It seemed like she was unwilling to expose some of the shadowy going ons—possibly due to past exploitation by the media or maybe her own ability to gloss over the hard bits that make her uncomfortable, or she hasn’t fully processed them herself…
Sometimes the writing was clunky and off-paced which also added to the uncertainty of what was going on in the story, but otherwise it was a worthwhile read and I’m impressed how she was brave enough to put this all down for the whole world to read. She makes some very valid points regarding government involvement in how people do family. I get the strong sense she still really loves and admires her family but is also very much her own person.
Funnily enough, I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian western Canadian Bible school town and could identify with many of the religious instructions she endured though definitely not to the extreme she did with wearing neck to ankle underwear at all times, but at least she could go dancing. I never did learn to dance. Because dancing leads to babies…or some other such nonsense. The Be Sweet instruction and purity culture I definitely could relate to. The being prepared for the end times and judgement. Yep that too. But not the multiple wives. Designated marriages etc… nope that would’ve been frowned upon in my circles. The waiting for the inspiration or call from God, yep definitely relate to that.
Anyway, this book does not bash polygamy if that’s what you’re hoping for. It’s mostly a daughter’s wrestling with her parents’ humanity and how people are complicated and multifaceted, and how religion makes things even more complicated. It’s about people trying to live how they see God directing them to live and not quite being able too because people are human and complicated. It’s about community when it’s vibrant and thriving and then suddenly not and wrestling with division and hurt and misunderstandings.
Unfortunately I was a bit confused in sections where it felt details were missing and I wasn’t getting the full story to understand what was going on in certain scenes. It made parts of the story ambiguous and hard to understand. Especially in regards to her aunt Debbie and her mother. But I can understand if she was trying to respect their privacy. It made me feel I couldn’t quite trust what she was saying about her dad and other male leaders in the community in which nothing was ever explained. It seemed like she was unwilling to expose some of the shadowy going ons—possibly due to past exploitation by the media or maybe her own ability to gloss over the hard bits that make her uncomfortable, or she hasn’t fully processed them herself…
Sometimes the writing was clunky and off-paced which also added to the uncertainty of what was going on in the story, but otherwise it was a worthwhile read and I’m impressed how she was brave enough to put this all down for the whole world to read. She makes some very valid points regarding government involvement in how people do family. I get the strong sense she still really loves and admires her family but is also very much her own person.
September 7, 2025
Really enjoyed this book. She did a great job writing it. Very cool it’s close to my hometown. Definitely gave me different perspective on Mormonism and polygamist families as it’s a subject i didn’t know much about.
Read
August 29, 2021This was an interesting read, but could have benefited from some fact checking and more soul searching about her relationship with her father and aunt.
Mary Jayne no longer considers herself a fundamentalist Mormon, however she is still deeply tied to that community and runs the private school that educates her dozens of young siblings and relatives. Although she attended university and became a teacher, as far as I can tell Mary Jayne has never held a job that was not overseen by her father in some way. However, she has carved out a more independent life for herself by divorcing her husband, travelling and allowing her two kids more modern freedoms than she had growing up.
Mary Jayne seems to take her father, Winston Blackmore, at his word instead of delving into the actual charges against him. She mischaracterizes his legal battles and it is apparent that she feels their family has been wronged and discriminated against by society. She admits he’s not a perfect man, but she clearly idolizes him at times and longs for his affection and approval (understandable, given she's competing with 150 other sibling for his attention!)
Mary Jayne was displeased with her father’s marriage to 18 year old Adeline, but stays silent on the fact that her father took several 15 and 16 year old girls as “celestial wives” who then gave birth at just 16 years old. She seems resentful that her aunt Debbie Palmer went public with her experiences of sexual and mental abuse in Bountiful. I wish Mary Jayne would have grappled with the disturbing allegations of widespread abuse made by her late Aunt Debbie.
Mary Jayne no longer considers herself a fundamentalist Mormon, however she is still deeply tied to that community and runs the private school that educates her dozens of young siblings and relatives. Although she attended university and became a teacher, as far as I can tell Mary Jayne has never held a job that was not overseen by her father in some way. However, she has carved out a more independent life for herself by divorcing her husband, travelling and allowing her two kids more modern freedoms than she had growing up.
Mary Jayne seems to take her father, Winston Blackmore, at his word instead of delving into the actual charges against him. She mischaracterizes his legal battles and it is apparent that she feels their family has been wronged and discriminated against by society. She admits he’s not a perfect man, but she clearly idolizes him at times and longs for his affection and approval (understandable, given she's competing with 150 other sibling for his attention!)
Mary Jayne was displeased with her father’s marriage to 18 year old Adeline, but stays silent on the fact that her father took several 15 and 16 year old girls as “celestial wives” who then gave birth at just 16 years old. She seems resentful that her aunt Debbie Palmer went public with her experiences of sexual and mental abuse in Bountiful. I wish Mary Jayne would have grappled with the disturbing allegations of widespread abuse made by her late Aunt Debbie.
September 25, 2021
I’m really glad I read this, it helped dispel a lot of the rumours and gossip I had heard about the nearby community of Bountiful. I was honestly expecting a juicy read with a bit of horrifying abuse mixed in (a similar childhood story to Educated by Tara Westover, perhaps?), but was surprised by the author’s remarkably “normal” childhood. I mean normal in the sense of having loving parents, who occasionally drive you nuts but having a supportive community overall, being a farm kid, playing outside and having fun with your cousins. It was just a very different type of family structure than what I think is “normal”, coming from the usual North American family structure myself, but I loved how she focussed on “families not felons”. The only time I thought “oh man, this is messed up, now it’s going to get juicy” was when I read about her wedding day and the marriage assignment.
In terms of writing style, I think the best thing about this book is how it is written in the present tense throughout. So when she is 7, you hear the thoughts and voice of a 7-year old narrator; it is not mixed up with adult views looking back on the situation from her current age perspective and commenting on how she feels now about what happened then (like many memoirs are). So you really get to see her thoughts change and mature as she grows up. I love the view of God and religion she comes up with in the end on her own, but maybe that is because it echoes my own self-developed views, and so I felt a rapport with her. Haha, RAPPORT = Really All People Prefer Others who Resemble Themselves, a funny acronym I learned in a course at work which is pretty bang on, and can be seen abundantly within this book. Thanks Mary Jayne for opening my eyes a little bit more to realizing my own preconceived notions about a community I really knew nothing about until now.
The one unanswered question I still have is, what about all the young boys? I have heard that in communities like this, the female children often never leave but the boys are sometimes encouraged to go elsewhere when they grow up, which makes sense from the simple math perspective of a polygamist community of one man getting multiple wives; there simply aren’t enough females to go around if all the males want a wife or several. Lol, maybe we should encourage the females to take multiple husbands so it would balance itself out a bit better. I wouldn’t mind having a few husbands to boss around, just think how much more quickly the home renovations would get finished! Joking aside, this is a serious question that makes no sense if lots of people had a family structure that was so off kilter from a human biological math perspective.
In terms of writing style, I think the best thing about this book is how it is written in the present tense throughout. So when she is 7, you hear the thoughts and voice of a 7-year old narrator; it is not mixed up with adult views looking back on the situation from her current age perspective and commenting on how she feels now about what happened then (like many memoirs are). So you really get to see her thoughts change and mature as she grows up. I love the view of God and religion she comes up with in the end on her own, but maybe that is because it echoes my own self-developed views, and so I felt a rapport with her. Haha, RAPPORT = Really All People Prefer Others who Resemble Themselves, a funny acronym I learned in a course at work which is pretty bang on, and can be seen abundantly within this book. Thanks Mary Jayne for opening my eyes a little bit more to realizing my own preconceived notions about a community I really knew nothing about until now.
The one unanswered question I still have is, what about all the young boys? I have heard that in communities like this, the female children often never leave but the boys are sometimes encouraged to go elsewhere when they grow up, which makes sense from the simple math perspective of a polygamist community of one man getting multiple wives; there simply aren’t enough females to go around if all the males want a wife or several. Lol, maybe we should encourage the females to take multiple husbands so it would balance itself out a bit better. I wouldn’t mind having a few husbands to boss around, just think how much more quickly the home renovations would get finished! Joking aside, this is a serious question that makes no sense if lots of people had a family structure that was so off kilter from a human biological math perspective.
August 9, 2022
Book 30/52 for 2022. This book stirred a lot of reflection for me. I thoroughly enjoyed that it was as written as district chapters in time/topic. It felt like I was reading a diary and that format greatly appealed to me!
Ms Blackmore makes a compelling case for why decriminalization of polygamy ultimately makes sense. Criminalizing it has made it secretive and she's bang on that getting help and services becomes much harder when you're constantly afraid of being arrested/having your children removed from your care. The abuse that occurs in FLDS is absolutely linked to power and a complete lack of accountability. I also don't think decriminalization would not make the abuse go away though because anytime there is a massive power differential in relationships there is the potential for abuse. Marriage under 18 to someone decades older than you can result in abuse due to the age, prestige, and money that the much older partner can hold over the younger. Being married off to someone outside of your country can set up for a massive imbalance due to the removal of family and connections (Aunt Susie!) One aspect touched on, but not explored, is the exploitation that can occur due to the communal work structures the FLDS set up. The logging company in Alberta was investigated due to the discovery that the largely teen workforce weren't getting paid for what they did and there were some significant safety violations. Now I know, coming from the farm, that using family to support family work is done differently, but this is an actual logging mill. It's not a family farm, and exploitation was done for profit and not for livelihood that could lead to independence. From what I've gathered, the mill is out of business now although change was occurring before bankruptcy.
It's incredible to read the transformation for Ms Blackmore over time as she becomes educated and connected. She truly makes the case for why education matters and how it's a significant protective factor for individuals. I would have loved more for her to sit longer in reflection and share more about the abuses in FLDS that have been substantiated and what that had done to influence her growth. It has been fairly unsettling to go from leading one book that details the absolute horror of life as an FLDS member in Mexico to reading about another FLDS group where there was more safety and contentment. I'm sure there's a multitude of factors for why, but it would be interesting for me to find a book that explores why that is.
Ms Blackmore makes a compelling case for why decriminalization of polygamy ultimately makes sense. Criminalizing it has made it secretive and she's bang on that getting help and services becomes much harder when you're constantly afraid of being arrested/having your children removed from your care. The abuse that occurs in FLDS is absolutely linked to power and a complete lack of accountability. I also don't think decriminalization would not make the abuse go away though because anytime there is a massive power differential in relationships there is the potential for abuse. Marriage under 18 to someone decades older than you can result in abuse due to the age, prestige, and money that the much older partner can hold over the younger. Being married off to someone outside of your country can set up for a massive imbalance due to the removal of family and connections (Aunt Susie!) One aspect touched on, but not explored, is the exploitation that can occur due to the communal work structures the FLDS set up. The logging company in Alberta was investigated due to the discovery that the largely teen workforce weren't getting paid for what they did and there were some significant safety violations. Now I know, coming from the farm, that using family to support family work is done differently, but this is an actual logging mill. It's not a family farm, and exploitation was done for profit and not for livelihood that could lead to independence. From what I've gathered, the mill is out of business now although change was occurring before bankruptcy.
It's incredible to read the transformation for Ms Blackmore over time as she becomes educated and connected. She truly makes the case for why education matters and how it's a significant protective factor for individuals. I would have loved more for her to sit longer in reflection and share more about the abuses in FLDS that have been substantiated and what that had done to influence her growth. It has been fairly unsettling to go from leading one book that details the absolute horror of life as an FLDS member in Mexico to reading about another FLDS group where there was more safety and contentment. I'm sure there's a multitude of factors for why, but it would be interesting for me to find a book that explores why that is.
January 7, 2022
This book is so honest, thoughtful and very much apropos for our own tumultuous " end of times", as we ( humans) are in the midst of causing the 6 th mass extinction on earth; of our trials of fire, flood and pestilence ..... along with greed and machinations of the State and the Powerful from all sides.....
This book is a reminder of a simpler and more human way of living with each other and of the urgent need to see past the myths and lies of the "powers that be" and look to our families, communities and neighbours, to remember, to trust in each other and our own connection to our Inner Divine.
One may think that the author takes a personal risk in exposing her personal life in such great detail, but she does so in such a personal and open manner that, as the reader, I was totally taken in and relating to each stage of her life, from the viewpoint of how she saw it during that part of her life; how wonderful!
There were some critical reviews of the book, a few points with which I could agree with, but I found the criticisms pale in comparison to the acclaims that I mention above. I really can only commend Mary Jane for her literary courage in tackling such a difficult and personal topic in such an open, concise and loving manner.
Thank you, Mary Jane, for taking my hand and walking me through the path of your life; adding to my wisdom, tolerance and understanding, as I read about the blossoming of your own .
This book is a reminder of a simpler and more human way of living with each other and of the urgent need to see past the myths and lies of the "powers that be" and look to our families, communities and neighbours, to remember, to trust in each other and our own connection to our Inner Divine.
One may think that the author takes a personal risk in exposing her personal life in such great detail, but she does so in such a personal and open manner that, as the reader, I was totally taken in and relating to each stage of her life, from the viewpoint of how she saw it during that part of her life; how wonderful!
There were some critical reviews of the book, a few points with which I could agree with, but I found the criticisms pale in comparison to the acclaims that I mention above. I really can only commend Mary Jane for her literary courage in tackling such a difficult and personal topic in such an open, concise and loving manner.
Thank you, Mary Jane, for taking my hand and walking me through the path of your life; adding to my wisdom, tolerance and understanding, as I read about the blossoming of your own .
February 12, 2024
A must read. I have always had my opinion on polygamy but after reading this book it confused me what I think about it and questioned my own belief.
We drove to bountiful in Creston Bc, what a beautiful setting against a mountain. We turned around as soon as we arrived, felt like we were invading their town, was not our intention. A white truck came out of no where and followed us out. They protect their community from outsiders. Made us feel very uncomfortable but we were warned this would happen”.
We went there yrs later, exact thing happened”.
They run the best coffee shop in town. We love it.
4 1/2 star
We drove to bountiful in Creston Bc, what a beautiful setting against a mountain. We turned around as soon as we arrived, felt like we were invading their town, was not our intention. A white truck came out of no where and followed us out. They protect their community from outsiders. Made us feel very uncomfortable but we were warned this would happen”.
We went there yrs later, exact thing happened”.
They run the best coffee shop in town. We love it.
4 1/2 star
August 29, 2022
It was interesting to learn about growing up in a Mormon polygamist household. The book was well-written, with a subtle shift to increasing complexity in the narrative as the topics moved from childhood to adulthood.
The struggle the author feels when considering her childhood and some of the effects of her family's religion on her life was written about respectfully, without minimizing awful truths or expanding on the benefits.
Overall, I enjoyed this memoir.
The struggle the author feels when considering her childhood and some of the effects of her family's religion on her life was written about respectfully, without minimizing awful truths or expanding on the benefits.
Overall, I enjoyed this memoir.
June 24, 2021
It is the interesting inside story of life in the Mormon community of Bountiful BC. Ms Blackmore is the 5th child of the 150 that Winston Blackmore sired, and has evolved from being a teenage bride, mother of two, divorcee, teacher, world traveller and feminist, having left the Mormon faith, but remaining closely tied to her extended family and the Bountiful community.
January 22, 2021
An exceptional book with enough stories, to keep you entertained, a pleasantly new perspective to keep you interested, and some life lessons to keep you thinking. I've not enjoyed a book this much in a long while.
December 26, 2020
Well written, thought provoking and insightful. A good read...
Read
January 26, 2021It was an interesting perspective from a Mormon woman with an upbringing she loved but the many questions she had about ti.
February 13, 2021
Well written with only a few typos found. Easy to read. Feels like reading a few pages of selected years from a friend's diary.
May 19, 2021
A beautifully told story about a journey of finding and understanding who you are. Mary Jayne questions her religion, love and if the government should be able to dictate the definition of family. Powerful, genuine and heartfelt.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews