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Coffin Dodgers
In the year 2030, a dying scientist released a volatile pathogen into the atmosphere. It granted the elderly a plethora of augmented abilities, near-immortality, and an insatiable bloodlust for the generations that have wronged them. The war between the Greys and the Resistance has now been raging for over two hundred years. The Resistance are all but defeated. Their survival depends on the success of one man’s mission — infiltrate the Grey’s sanctum and retrieve the antivirus. Raised in solitary confinement on a strict diet of cigars and alcohol, Wilhelm Baggotry has successfully prematurely aged his body to that of a ninety-year-old. But will it be enough to fool the Greys and gain their trust? Or will the Resistance be destroyed, and youth become a thing of the past? Coffin Dodgers is a bizarre tale of love, loss, and depravity that is guaranteed to leave you with an irrational aversion to butterscotch.
154 pages, Paperback
Published April 18, 2021
11 people are currently reading
420 people want to read
About the author
Matthew A. Clarke
60 books185 followersMatthew A. Clarke is a British horror and bizarro author.
He has published fifteen books at the time of writing, and has countless short stories lurking in the darkest corners of the library.
Bizarro
112 members
Bizarro fiction is a contemporary literary genre, which often uses elements of absurdism, satire, and the grotesque, along with pop-surrealism and genre fiction staples, in order to create subversive, weird, and entertaining works. We read that stuff (someone has to) and then write publicly to one another here about the experience of reading it. If you join this group, you can too.
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Website: www.matthewaclarkeauthor.co.uk
Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/~/e/B082WJJPQ3
Facebook: www.facebook.com/matthewaclarkeauthor
He has published fifteen books at the time of writing, and has countless short stories lurking in the darkest corners of the library.
Bizarro
112 members
Bizarro fiction is a contemporary literary genre, which often uses elements of absurdism, satire, and the grotesque, along with pop-surrealism and genre fiction staples, in order to create subversive, weird, and entertaining works. We read that stuff (someone has to) and then write publicly to one another here about the experience of reading it. If you join this group, you can too.
Join Bizarro!
View this group on Goodreads »
Share book reviews and ratings with Bizarro, and even join a book club on Goodreads.
Connect
Website: www.matthewaclarkeauthor.co.uk
Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/~/e/B082WJJPQ3
Facebook: www.facebook.com/matthewaclarkeauthor
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
April 25, 2022
In a world overrun by an army of pensionable vintage, one man realises the best way to help the aged is to arrange their annihilation. Elderly psychos roam the streets, ready to sneak attack with a shuffle, boomers keen to take their collective moniker too literally, high on the sugar rush of boiled sweets. A resistance movement rises, and raises a secret weapon fit to challenge any homicidal blue rinse brigade. This secret weapon is a man, but not just any man, a man prematurely aged in order to infiltrate behind enemy lines and take out the architect of this new/old world. With time running out for the resistance and demented octogenarians on the loose, all depends on this final mission. The destiny of humankind is in the wrinkly hands of one man, old before his time but ready to do what it takes to stop the geriatric takeover of the planet before it’s too late.
July 8, 2021
Absolute madness. A truly excellent bizarro story. I'm always looking for new bizarro authors who do it well and Matthew is superb at it. This book had so many clever ideas to make a war against young and old seem not only plausible, but also hilarious and intriguing. I loved this book and hope many others pick it up. Matthew is one to watch.
November 28, 2022
He checked it once more before closing the door, trying to forget about it for the next few minutes. It was still locked, the antivirus secure. It was always good to have a contingency plan.
July 1, 2021
Clever story idea, executed perfectly. Great writing flow and style. I'd definitely recommend.
June 27, 2021
Coffin Dodgers non stop hilarity and grotesquery make this a must read for fans of bizzaro/horror. If Matt survives the lynch mob of nursing home patients, I expect incredible things from his pen in the future.
April 29, 2023
A bizarre post apocalyptic/dystopian tale with characters that are uniquely endearing and many hilarious lines.
I think Wilhelm, the main character, is every millennial's inner life made into a character and I loved him for it because I too feel both ancient and like a kid at the same time.
There is quite a bit of potentially triggering material in the book but there's an almost lighthearted tone to the book that made it all just seem very surreal more than anything else to me.
I think Wilhelm, the main character, is every millennial's inner life made into a character and I loved him for it because I too feel both ancient and like a kid at the same time.
There is quite a bit of potentially triggering material in the book but there's an almost lighthearted tone to the book that made it all just seem very surreal more than anything else to me.
June 20, 2021
This book was brilliant bizarro fun! It had me giggling like a schoolgirl all the way through, apart from when I was cringing at all the gross moments! 🤢😉
Such a great concept, fast paced and really well written. It keeps you hooked from start to the hilarious finish! (I'm still roaring with laughter at the ending! Juliet- What a gal!!) 😮😂
Matt uses some fantastically, laugh out loud descriptions, which I wish I could share, but I don't want to spoil anything!
An awesome debut, honestly, anything else from Matt will be an instant buy from me!!
5 perfectly golden sweeties from me 🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬
Now, why do I have a sudden craving for butterscotch????
Such a great concept, fast paced and really well written. It keeps you hooked from start to the hilarious finish! (I'm still roaring with laughter at the ending! Juliet- What a gal!!) 😮😂
Matt uses some fantastically, laugh out loud descriptions, which I wish I could share, but I don't want to spoil anything!
An awesome debut, honestly, anything else from Matt will be an instant buy from me!!
5 perfectly golden sweeties from me 🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬
Now, why do I have a sudden craving for butterscotch????
August 31, 2021
Matt is by far my favourite bizzaro author and for good reason. This book is excellent and extremely well written with bizarre ideas and well thought out wit. Very creative idea! I loved it. 5 Coffins out of 5.
August 9, 2021
* I received this as a GR giveaway*
Imagine coming home exhausted after a rough Tuesday at the office and deciding to lighten your stress by having a slice of peyote pie and a glass of curdled milk at the local octogenarian sex club; that's the atmosphere of Coffin Dodgers . It's your basic bizarro tale- gross, messy, surreal, and fun! It's a fast-paced action tale of conflict and perhaps a whiff of love. Perfect for a girl to read in a bunker with a stockpile of butterscotch pudding.
Imagine coming home exhausted after a rough Tuesday at the office and deciding to lighten your stress by having a slice of peyote pie and a glass of curdled milk at the local octogenarian sex club; that's the atmosphere of Coffin Dodgers . It's your basic bizarro tale- gross, messy, surreal, and fun! It's a fast-paced action tale of conflict and perhaps a whiff of love. Perfect for a girl to read in a bunker with a stockpile of butterscotch pudding.
June 22, 2021
Hilarious and horrible hi jinx
If Star Wars buttsexed Palahniuk’s Pygmy on the set of Cocoon, this book would be the shit-smeared money shot. There are some minor lapses in its own internal logic, otherwise Coffin Dodgers is a fast-paced, well-executed adventure story that really revels in hilarious grotesquery.
If Star Wars buttsexed Palahniuk’s Pygmy on the set of Cocoon, this book would be the shit-smeared money shot. There are some minor lapses in its own internal logic, otherwise Coffin Dodgers is a fast-paced, well-executed adventure story that really revels in hilarious grotesquery.
September 1, 2022
2.5* Loved the first half, and I guffawed several times. The second act is just too much warring and pointless sleaze to be interesting, and all the previous humor just totally dried up (pun intended). But seriously, why on earth would the Greys call themselves by the same slang names that the Resistance uses for their various factions?
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November 19, 2023DNF.
"Coffin Dodgers" is simply not for me. The book description is really all you've got to know to get into the story. I was expecting more but you get what you paid for, there's no hidden agenda. And there's nothing wrong with that 😉 just not for me.
I tried to get into the story. I even skimmed through chapters and flipped pages but unfortunately to no avail.
"Coffin Dodgers" is simply not for me. The book description is really all you've got to know to get into the story. I was expecting more but you get what you paid for, there's no hidden agenda. And there's nothing wrong with that 😉 just not for me.
I tried to get into the story. I even skimmed through chapters and flipped pages but unfortunately to no avail.
May 8, 2023
Clarke is definitely a talented writer with an excellent imagination. I was blessed to have an audio of this thanks to the author himself.
Unfortunately, this just wasn't for me. I was very confused as to the backstory of how we got to the point we are at.
Unfortunately, this just wasn't for me. I was very confused as to the backstory of how we got to the point we are at.
August 16, 2022
Coffin Dodgers by Matt Clarke is a slickly written dystopian tale that is equal parts action-packed and gory and hilariously funny.
Matt manages to cleverly take every day items and mannerisms associated with pensioners and twist them to be used in a delightfully satirical way.
Fast-paced, well-written (as ever), creative and wonderfully bizarre this is worthy of a gum-smackingly glorious 5 caramel coloured stars out of 5
Matt manages to cleverly take every day items and mannerisms associated with pensioners and twist them to be used in a delightfully satirical way.
Fast-paced, well-written (as ever), creative and wonderfully bizarre this is worthy of a gum-smackingly glorious 5 caramel coloured stars out of 5
May 1, 2023
I listened to the audiobook version and the narrator has done a brilliant job with the different voices and tones, that I really felt the different personalities of the characters!
This story is absolutely crazy but the world building is done so well that it could almost be credible!
In the near future an old man creates a virus that was meant to give immortality and although it manages to do that, the virus only enhances the life and abilities of old people. This starts a war between the young and old generations that had been going on for 200 years when the book starts.
The Resistance is finally ready to release their weapon to stop the war with the Greys once and for all but it doesn't go to plan and the amount of crazyness happens that it's difficult to describe!
This book made me cringe, laugh maniacally, cringe a bit more, ponder about life and surprised me more than once! There were some parts that I felt were a bit too long and could have done with a bit more speed but it didn't affect my enjoyment that much.
The author did a brilliant job at creating a bizzarre tale that might end up being true at some point in human history! In addition there's so many twists to make your head spin several times!
And I can confirm I will never look at butterscotch the same ever again!
Thanks to the author for the audiobook and this is my honest review.
This story is absolutely crazy but the world building is done so well that it could almost be credible!
In the near future an old man creates a virus that was meant to give immortality and although it manages to do that, the virus only enhances the life and abilities of old people. This starts a war between the young and old generations that had been going on for 200 years when the book starts.
The Resistance is finally ready to release their weapon to stop the war with the Greys once and for all but it doesn't go to plan and the amount of crazyness happens that it's difficult to describe!
This book made me cringe, laugh maniacally, cringe a bit more, ponder about life and surprised me more than once! There were some parts that I felt were a bit too long and could have done with a bit more speed but it didn't affect my enjoyment that much.
The author did a brilliant job at creating a bizzarre tale that might end up being true at some point in human history! In addition there's so many twists to make your head spin several times!
And I can confirm I will never look at butterscotch the same ever again!
Thanks to the author for the audiobook and this is my honest review.
April 30, 2023
Here's a spectacular bizarro tale of the vintage ones going bloodthirsty on the last of the young 'uns, a dream we all have over a certain age tbh. A tale of a horrific pathogen, of creaky joints and peppermint from the twisted mind of Matt Clarke .
Peppered with strong casual passive agressive ageism, details on things that should never EVER be detailed, it's part satire and full on bizarre. What you can expect is hordes marching to the sound of clicking joints, lavender scented wrinkled ballsacks and full on butterscotch horror.
What i learned here: there's gross 🤢 and then there's GROSS 😵💫. I've been testing myself in all areas of horror to see what sticks, and i admit i do enjoy sporting a face like I'm sucking on unripe lemon slices. Disgust works for me. Limbs flying everywhere, guts in the dirt, eating slugs etc - no problem. I'll shudder and goosebump in secret delight.
And then there's Matt Clarke's writing... All I'm saying is that I'm drawing the line under learning in detail what 80yo grannies get up to from here on and I'm saying no more. That's disturbing on so many more levels that i just... Never again 😅.
Go challenge yourself. See if I'm right 🤢
Peppered with strong casual passive agressive ageism, details on things that should never EVER be detailed, it's part satire and full on bizarre. What you can expect is hordes marching to the sound of clicking joints, lavender scented wrinkled ballsacks and full on butterscotch horror.
What i learned here: there's gross 🤢 and then there's GROSS 😵💫. I've been testing myself in all areas of horror to see what sticks, and i admit i do enjoy sporting a face like I'm sucking on unripe lemon slices. Disgust works for me. Limbs flying everywhere, guts in the dirt, eating slugs etc - no problem. I'll shudder and goosebump in secret delight.
And then there's Matt Clarke's writing... All I'm saying is that I'm drawing the line under learning in detail what 80yo grannies get up to from here on and I'm saying no more. That's disturbing on so many more levels that i just... Never again 😅.
Go challenge yourself. See if I'm right 🤢
November 21, 2021
Interesting concept
This was an interesting concept for a book but I did feel there could have been more back story included at the beginning. It was never really explained why the two groups were fighting and it sounds like many of those currently fighting weren't sure either. The ending was unexpected.
I won this book thru a goodreads.com giveaway.
This was an interesting concept for a book but I did feel there could have been more back story included at the beginning. It was never really explained why the two groups were fighting and it sounds like many of those currently fighting weren't sure either. The ending was unexpected.
I won this book thru a goodreads.com giveaway.
May 8, 2023
That was fucking weird. Clarke is amazing at building a world and adding so much creativity into it. But jesus christ is it weird.
The story itself is pretty straightforward, and took me a minute to get into. But once in, I was INVESTED.
Also Julia is Barbapapa and you can't change my mind.
The story itself is pretty straightforward, and took me a minute to get into. But once in, I was INVESTED.
Also Julia is Barbapapa and you can't change my mind.
September 6, 2021
Messed up and crazy - a world where the olds (grey) and youngs are fighting for supremacy. So crazy, violent, F-ed up.
July 16, 2022
Well this was fun. Crazy story, kinda funny, enjoyed it.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews