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256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2021
Good morning again, Strangeville School! Vice Principal Capozzi here, with a quick third-period update regarding the first-floor drinking fountains.
I've just learned that in order to take care of our pesky piranha problem, Janitor Gary may or may not have released a small number of baby crocodiles into the water pipes.
Bonus points for creative problem solving, Janitor Gary!
I'm assured these crocodiles pose absolutely no risk to humans. Unless, of course, you happen to come into contact with one of them, in which case Janitor Gary informs me you'll "definitely suffer a variety of horrifying injuries, each more gruesome than the last."
Well.
Janitor Gary certainly has a way with words, doesn't he, folks?
On another, more serious note, I'm afraid there have been certain rumblings from the third floor. Rumors that the supply closet is . . . displeased have been circulating.
And we all know what happens when the supply closet is displeased. . . .
[throat clearing noises]
Several more substitute teachers have disappeared, leaving behind the scent of burning pencil erasers in their wake, and quiet screams have been heard echoing through the water pipes.
An emergency basket of office supplies, including Post-it notes, sharpened number-two pencils, and dry-erase markers, has been left in the hallway as a sign of goodwill.
Our only option now is to wait, hoping against hope that our efforts to appease the closet have been successful.
In the meantime, I ask you all to remember our Strangeville School motto: "Be kind. Be safe. Be curious. But most of all, be afraid."