Mixed Up: Confessions of an Interracial Couple

by Tineka Smith, Alex Court

Tineka Smith always knew that growing up Black in America meant certain restrictions. Don't talk back to white people; expect to be stopped by the police; always be on your guard. So, when she moved to the UK – and fell in love with Alex Court, a white man – she wondered if things might be different. 

When Alex proposed to Tineka, it was the easiest decision in the world. What he didn't anticipate was the reaction – sometimes subtle, sometimes overt – from friends and strangers alike. Nor did he expect to have to think about Tineka's race, and his own white privilege, every single day.

Tineka has always felt the burden of calling out and educating people, only now she has to teach her new husband at the same time - asking him to see, hear and think with a new perspective about the things he had never noticed before.

But what does this mean for Tineka and Alex's relationship? With anecdotes, analysis and honest conversations, Mixed Up has the pair attempting to navigate their new and challenging world, confronting race and relationships in the 21st century head on.

Genres: Nonfiction, Race, Memoir

152 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 15, 2020

Reviews

[Charlene ♡ Gill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read for me and I really enjoyed the read. I felt that this book was real honest account of the experiences of Tineka and Alex in there interracial relationship.

Would recommend this book.

[Marie-Ange Janvier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really relevant!! It’s a collection of stories/confessions of an interracial couple( Black American woman and British White man). If you ever had questions or thoughts about what an interracial couple goes through, this book is the best representation there is. I was captivated by this book as I myself into an interracial relationship could see so many similarities and brought me to have more compassion and understanding for my husband who is White which comes with a blindspot of privilege. I think both authors do an excellent job at describing the reality of the reaction of society to their union. This was my first book the year and it really connected me to my own loving relationship. I like also that they shared each their perspective in travelling together ( Bad experiences especially in Croatia, Romania and Thailand). This the 2nd time I read Croatia is not recommended for Black tourists in a different book. I know all too well the experiences of travelling while Black. Like Tineka, I always look at blogs and videos that share experiences of other Black folks treatment in a foreign country. This book was spot on target with thoughts and experiences of a relationship of Black woman and a White man. My favourite quote “Just because you’re married or are in a relationship with a Black person doesn’t make you woke”. Great read if you’re interested or want to find out more about this relationship dynamics!

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an absolute must read, even if you’re not in a mixed race relationship!!

I picked this up as I’m half Indian and half English and I’ve always noticed the difference in treatment my parents get because of their skin colour. Particularly when we lived in Dubai and people would think she was a maid.

This was a very insightful read into the dynamics of a Black and white couple, it’s very raw, real and heartbreaking at times. It was interesting and like mentioned before, heartbreaking, to read about how each of their perspectives are so different in life situations. There is so much to learn from both Alex and Tineka’s confessions on topics like white privilege, travelling as a mixed race couple, and microaggressions in the workplace.

What I found really important to read about was Alex’s confessions on his white privilege, his heartbreaking realisation that his future children won’t have the same privilege as him and how he has learnt to see racism and microaggressions Tineka receives in all aspects on her life.

I cannot recommend this book enough! It’s such a great and easy read.

[Karina Rattray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed this so much that I finished it in one sitting! I love the insights of both perspectives of an interracial relationship especially since all of my relationships have been interracial and reading experiences that I can relate to to certain extent as asian. It discusses white privilege and the difficulties of being a woman of colour in a white society in an eloquent accessible manner and the confessions and reflections from Alex’s point of view are honest without being deflective.

[Jeanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting story, most of the information wasn't new to me, but the presentation/performance brought out lots of food for thought. Worth listening to, especially if you are in an interracial relationship; or are interested in how many people navigate that space.

[Marie-Ange Janvier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really relevant!! It’s a collection of stories/confessions of an interracial couple( Black American woman and British White man). If you ever had questions or thoughts about what an interracial couple goes through, this book is the best representation there is. I was captivated by this book as I myself into an interracial relationship could see so many similarities and brought me to have more compassion and understanding for my husband who is White which comes with a blindspot of privilege. I think both authors do an excellent job at describing the reality of the reaction of society to their union. This was my first book the year and it really connected me to my own loving relationship. I like also that they shared each their perspective in travelling together ( Bad experiences especially in Croatia, Romania and Thailand). This the 2nd time I read Croatia is not recommended for Black tourists in a different book. I know all too well the experiences of travelling while Black. Like Tineka, I always look at blogs and videos that share experiences of other Black folks treatment in a foreign country. This book was spot on target with thoughts and experiences of a relationship of Black woman and a White man. My favourite quote “Just because you’re married or are in a relationship with a Black person doesn’t make you woke”. Great read if you’re interested or want to find out more about this relationship dynamics!

[Zaki · Rating 5 out of 5]

People really underestimate the complexity of being in an Interracial Couple, especially when living inside a Rural Area. I hope this book brings help and advices to those of you who are also in the same predicament.

PS. While I still support the #TwoStateSolution, Book #67 for 2024 was not about Two State Solution because Netanyahu burned Palestinians alive a few days ago in Rafah. There will still be more books on Palestine in the future, but INTERPOL is willing to send Netanyahu his RED NOTICE, it's been considered. He is, a mad-man. ICC still trying to get Netanyahu for War Crimes. ICJ as well, and speaking of minorities, South Africa is the proponent to get Netanyahu away from our lives, because he is the most dangerous human being in the world. Even Russia and China are willing to get this "Deal of the Century" (1967 borders). The State Department's suspension is almost over, and they will admit that the French Diplomats were correct for months. There are people since early October 2023 who politely asked that it was time for a ceasefire, a Two-State-Solution, and the removal of Bibidi Netanyahu, the evil Wizard from Dragon Ball Z mythology, away from all those Palestinian children who just want to live.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid little book that does make you think about the situations you are in and what other people are experiencing. There are some very good lessons that anyone can take away from this, the authors are extremely candid about their experiences and how they reflect on what situations they have been in.

The only issue I do have is when Alex states that he thinks words can be appropriated e.g. woke. When words from one culture enter into a wider lexicon this is just language evolving as it always has. A minor quibble, overall this book will make you think and, quite rightly, angry and sad also.

[Claire Obianyor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really liked this book but struggled with some of it. Trying to figure out where I am on the scale but gave me some real food for thought in particular around our children and discipline.

[Endine · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting book about race ad interracial couples. It was really interesting to hear from two people in an interracial couple and their experience both as a couple and as individuals.

[Janet Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I struggled to relate - despite my being in a mixed-race marriage for 27 years.