The Kindness Revolution: How we can restore hope, rebuild trust and inspire optimism

by Hugh Mackay

Generous, erudite, optimistic and candid...Hugh Mackay encourages us to find the best in ourselves and in our society in both good and troubled times.Revolutions never start at the top. If we dare to dream of a more loving country - kinder, more compassionate, more cooperative, more respectful, more inclusive, more egalitarian, more harmonious, less cynical - there's only one way to start turning that dream into a each of us must live as if this is already that country. Following the ravages of 2020's bushfires and pandemic on our mental and emotional health and on the economy, Hugh Mackay reflects on the challenges we faced during that year of upheaval and the questions many of us have asked. What really matters to me? Am I living the kind of life I want? What sort of society do I want us to become?Urging us not to let those questions go, and pointing to our inspiring displays of kindness and consideration, our personal sacrifices for the common good and our heightened appreciation of the value of local neighbourhoods and communities, he asks in 'Could we become renowned as a loving country, rather than simply a "lucky" one?'Absorbing, wise and inspiring, The Kindness Revolution is a distillation of Hugh Mackay's life's work. Written for our times, this truly remarkable book shows how crises and catastrophes often turn out to be the making of us.

Genres: Nonfiction, Personal Development, Psychology, Audiobook, Self Help, Sociology

239 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 4, 2021

About the author

Hugh Mackay is a social researcher and novelist who has made a lifelong study of the attitudes and behaviour of Australians. He is the author of twelve books, including five bestsellers. The second edition of his latest non-fiction book, Advance Australia…Where? was published in September 2008, and his fifth novel, Ways of Escape was published in May 2009.

He is a fellow of the Australian Psychological Society and received the University of Sydney’s 2004 Alumni Award for community service. In recognition of his pioneering work in social research, Hugh has been awarded honorary doctorates by Charles Sturt, Macquarie and NSW universities.

He is a former deputy chairman of the Australia Council, a former chairman of trustees of Sydney Grammar School, and was the inaugural chairman of the ACT government’s Community Inclusion Board. He was a newspaper columnist for almost 30 years and now writes occasionally for The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and The West Australian. He is a frequent guest on ABC radio.

- Biography from Hugh Mackay's website

Reviews

[PattyMacDotComma · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5★
“Revolutions never start at the top.”

That’s the last sentence of this thoughtful book. I’m not sure there’s anything new or previously undiscovered here, but I think it’s terrific the way Mackay has gathered together, sifted through, and interpreted information about what helps and what harms social cohesion.

It’s no surprise that he is troubled by the increasing divisiveness and tribalism around the world, not just in Australia, where he grew up and about which he has written for many years.

I’ve always enjoyed hearing Mackay interviewed, and I listened to him recently talking about this book. He’s not a Pollyanna or promoter of just-leave-it-in-the-hands-of-a-higher-power. He’s a practical, observant student of the human condition, and his tone is conversational.

This was written after Australia’s devastating bushfires of 2019-2020 and after the onset (and continuing) Covid 19 pandemic He’s a thoughtful, optimistic man who writes this in the prologue:

“How are any of us changed by disruption and by a heightened sense of life’s uncertainties? Either we become frustrated and let our frustration boil over into anger and recklessness, or else we think more clearly about what really matters to us. We consider which values are worth clinging to. We become more caring, since that’s the inevitable consequence, for most of us, of realising just how interdependent and interconnected we really are. We also become more resilient.”

I can’t begin to summarise his thoughts, since his is already a summary and a collection. But here are the chapter headings.

Prologue: A loving country?
1. Taking the rough with the smooth
2. We were born to cooperate, not compete
3. Everyone’s deepest need is to be heard
4. Cynicism and indifference mock kindness
5. How institutions hold us together
6. Life is imperfect; it resolves only in death
7. Our influence endures long after we’ve gone
Epilogue: Joining the kindness revolution”

There are countless sub-sections within the chapters, some with examples or anecdotes to show us what he means is happening now or what might happen. They are not all pretty and they certainly aren’t all uplifting, but they all illustrate the society we live in now, whether or not we are aware of it.

There’s a particularly interesting section on cynicism, which is a hallmark of many comedy routines. We all laugh at clever snide remarks, the raised eyebrows, the ‘Yeah, right’ that someone says or posts or tweets after a spokesperson or politician has commented on an issue.

“I’ve never known a happy cynic. Those I’ve met have all been miserable to some degree, sometimes misanthropic (‘hell is other people’) and often bitter. I’ve never known a cynic to laugh uncontrollably; their laughter somehow manages to convey the sneer that is the facial badge of the cynic. They are the classic practitioners of schadenfreude – taking pleasure in the misfortune of others – because misfortune is what they typically wish on those who have done better than they might have done.”

So – no fan of cynics then. But I have to say, before that, he has discussed the many reasons why people may become cynics, and it’s often through no fault of their own. They have been abandoned or let down badly somewhere along the line, and this is the defence they have built up.

They have not been heard. Or not been listened to. [A personal note: I remember my mother sounding exasperated with my father, saying he hadn’t been listening. He said yes, he’d been listening, but he didn’t know he was supposed to be paying attention. We never let him forget it. But I digress.]

Mackay also tells us how families and relationships are evolving.

“I recently met a woman who regularly takes her two children to a ‘diblings’ (donor siblings) party – a gathering of children born to various mothers via sperm from the same donor.”

The social landscape keeps changing, too, but if we learn to behave ourselves and mind our manners, they will help “to lubricate the machinery of social cohesion and help promote social harmony; to encourage and reinforce kindness at the core of our culture.”

We should respect the social conventions of others who have been brought up differently. We can debate and discuss these conventions, but do it “from a position of kindness based on respect for ‘otherness’.”

I opened with his last sentence. Here is part of the preceding paragraph.

“If we dare to dream of a more loving country – kinder, more compassionate, more cooperative, more respectful, more inclusive, more egalitarian, more harmonious, less cynical – there’s only one way to start turning the dream into reality: each of us must live as if this is already that country. If enough of us live like that – and, in turn, demand that our elected representative embrace those same values and aspirations – change will come. Revolutions never start at the top.”

If I try to do my bit and you try to do your bit, then maybe, just maybe, bit by bit, we will see some of our elected representatives do their bit, too. The cynic in me is muttering ‘Yeah, right’, but I know too many good people to doubt the power of a kind word.

Thanks to Allen and Unwin for the preview copy of this inspiring, informative, and very readable book.

[Krystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

To me, reading this book felt like having a long, one-sided dinner party conversation with a fascinating older man who just wants the world to be a kinder place.

He's a bit of a rambler with a love of similes and examples, but he's got some serious wisdom which he communicates intelligently and passionately, and it's hard not to become infected by his genuine desire for all humans to share kindness.

He will look you in the eye with a gleam that says he knows about that one time you snapped when you shouldn't have, or when you ignored that little old lady who might have needed help, or how you're actually kind of a d*ck to everyone around you, and he will tell you that it is never too late to choose kindness. And the warmth of his gaze will show you that, yes, you DO have the potential to be kinder. You WILL be kinder.

This is not a book that tells you you must be a saint. That you must be good and kind 24/7. It's just asking you to try. To think before you speak, to consider other people's situations, to be more generous and forgiving rather than jumping to conclusions or holding onto anger. If you slip up, try again next time. Continue to strive for kindness, and eventually the effects will be felt, and they will cause a little ripple that spreads kindness a little further.

It's written well, it conveys its point strongly, and it will leave you with the desire to give this kindness thing a try.

I'd definitely sit next to this guy at a dinner party.

With thanks to A&U for an ARC

[Dale Harcombe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thought provoking book with helpful ideas. As such it is not a book to be read in one fell swoop but to read a little, ponder what is put forward and to see how that can be incorporated or adapted into current life. The reality is, if we want change in our society then it has to start with change of attitudes and behaviour in each of us. I found myself writing down lots of comments from this book. Too many to quote and also better I think for people to go into reading this without being told too much about it beforehand. Better to let the book speak to you and form your own impressions.
I don’t read a lot of nonfiction but I was glad to read this one and hopefully include some of the suggestions and ideas put forward in my own life and relationships with others. If we all practised a bit more kindness our world would be a far better place. Thanks to Allen&Unwin for my copy to read and review. Greatly appreciated.

[Holly McDonell · Rating 5 out of 5]

mmmmmm yes 🫡🫡 a book which makes you want to be nicer and better and strive to improve yourself etc etc. 😍😍 it did feel a little all over the place at times but that was made up for by the fact it inspired me to be a better human being so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Marles Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

How refreshing to read Hugh Mackay's latest offering, 'The Kindness Revolution. I started reading and then had to find some post-its to mark some of the pearls of wisdom I had uncovered that I could apply to myself. Like challenging the practitioners of schadenfreude, and the people who don't want cures for the world's ills but want their gloomy despair confirmed. Like seeking integrity, transparency and accountability standards in our institutions, and taking people on the journey of bouncing forward, not backwards. A most sensible revelation was that "the kinder, fairer, more socially sensitive and responsible we are, the less regulation and legislation w will need" . The continued push the social justice, fairness and equity places us all on the same path working together instead of competing. This helps us to always keep in mind that we're all people together, not competitors. So let's try harder to be at peace with change, to open our perspectives, be more adaptable. We are the masters of our own responses to what happens to us, how we react and what we learn from it all; sometimes we need to give things time. Showing kindness to others can be transformative. It's amazing how you feel when someone is kind to you. If you think you can't pay it forward, remember that even if we fail to be kind, it is our capacity for kindness that remains.

Thanks Allen & Unwin for the ARC.

[Ita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great ideas and excellent quotes, two of my favourites in the first few pages: 'Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not', and 'Everyone is in need of kindness; everyone walks with shadows.'

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

The concept of this book is that people are naturally kind and that we have a chance to rebuild a kinder society post COVID. This sort of "we're all in this together" stuff is very lockdown 1, in lockdown 6 I think we're all a bit sick of it. Despite this, I really enjoyed this book. There were some interesting ideas and arguments. Unfortunately, it sort of devolved towards the end and got a bit rambling. A quick and easy read, worth a try!

[Marcus Robertson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audiobook.
This book does some good things, and gave me some good laughs at times. I appreciated his ideas on living in light of our mortality, and his encouragement to be more humble is something our society needs. But I can’t help but think that at the end of the day it lacks engagement with the issues it seems to raise. For example, I didn’t find his reasoning for how we can be hard wired to kindness, and yet also incredibly selfish. I think the teachings of Jesus make more sense of this, and hold more weight. If we really want a kindness revolution, we need something that will rid us of selfish desires, and I don’t think that will always come from pondering death. That could go either way: kindness, or YOLO.
I think it was well written, but could have used some more depth.

[Stephanie Razey · Rating 4 out of 5]

An encouraging and inspiring book that provides the ever-timely reminder to be a kinder person. I particularly enjoyed stories from all sorts of Australians scattered throughout the book, sharing a piece of their story and helping us see clearer why a kinder society is always a worthwhile endeavour.

[Anna Davidson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst I love Hugh McKay’s work and writing, this book didn’t seem to contain a lot of new content. Nevertheless, an enjoyable read and always good to have the memory refreshed about some salient points.

[Rebecca Bowyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a breath of fresh air. I highly recommend The Kindness Revolution if you're trying to understand how we can pull ourselves out of the pit of depression and anxiety many of us find ourselves thrust into on a regular basis.

It's easy to read and full of fascinating insights into resilience, loneliness and happiness. It also lays out practical ways to find our way back to a hopeful, trusting and optimistic community mindset through kindness.

Taking the smooth with the rough

Written well into the pandemic and published in May 2021, Hugh Mackay takes a distinctly Australian look at what's been getting us down, from the 2019-20 bushfires through to 'lockdown, physical distancing, school closures, people working from home, widespread unemployment, states closing their borders, massive increases in national debt and the collapse of many businesses.'

In short, it's not been a particularly happy year or two.

While fully acknowledging the trauma many people have experienced, Mackay offers perspective on 'taking the rough with the smooth'. Chapters end with a helpful summary of the key points which we can implement in our own lives. Here are his tips for taking the rough with the smooth:

1. Accept that you can't control life's seasons.
2. Stop wishing for things to stay the same.
3. Stop wishing for things to be different.
4. Above all, remember that your own struggles are part of the human struggle, shared by everyone you meet.

We were born to cooperate, not to compete

I loved this chapter so much. Mackay approaches the issue of cooperation vs competition from both a personal and political level.

He points to the Republic of Ireland as a great example of how opposing political parties can work together 'to develop a draft program for government - a comprehensive, long-term plan for the nation, covering twenty-two policy areas ranging from the economy and taxation to transport, business, gender, education, healthcare, climate and so on.'

Community and cooperation has never in my lifetime been so clearly important as during the past 18 months. We're not meant to be alone, we're meant to work together.

On the adversarial nature of our own political system (and those of most other western nations, I might add), Mackay professes a sort of fatalistic optimism:

The present system is so creaky, so inefficient and so unpleasant to watch in action that change will eventually come. And when it does, one way or another, it will be in favour of a more cooperative, collaborative process that takes much of the time-wasting adversarial sting out of politics.

I do very much hope he's right.

On a personal level: Listen

So simple, right? If you want to be a kinder person just... listen. Mackay argues that 'Everyone's deepest need is to be heard.' Interestingly, he wraps up forgiveness with listening. The old adage that you should never apologise or you'll look weak? Forget that. Here are Mackay's top tips:

1. Say less; listen more.
2. Listen to the whole person, not just the words.
3. Apologise more freely ('to fail to apologise is, quite simply, arrogant and insulting').
4. Forgive more generously.
5. Assume that everyone you meet needs to be heard (people 'thrive on your undivided attention').

Cynicism and indifference mock kindness

This chapter totally blew my mind and I'd recommend buying the book just for this if you tend to become cynical under pressure or stress. Step by step, Mackay tracks how a cynical attitude can single-handedly undermine optimism and hope and shake the foundations of communities, including workplaces.

The best weapons against cynicism (your own as well as others') is kindness and hope.

We don't need religion to have values

You could alternatively argue that it doesn't matter which religion you choose as they're all based on the fundamental teachings of faith, hope and kindness.

If you're searching for a moral framework that doesn't start in a church, I recommend dipping into The Kindness Revolution. It provides plenty of food for thought, as well as actions we can take now to create a more hopeful, trusting and optimistic life.

[Peter Langston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another thoughtful and informed reflection on our Australian society, which lacks, as it’s unifying force, a dedication of individuals, of groups, of institutions to kindness. Mackay’s books are always well researched, contain well chosen quotes and something lacking in our politicians and their parties, common sense.

An excellent read.

[Brooke Alice (brookes.bookstagram) · Rating 4 out of 5]

TW: COVID-19.

Hugh Mackay focusses this book on how we can improve our optimism in our lives after ongoing compassion fatigue, life fatigue and health fatigue. Set shortly after our devestating bushfires and into the start of the global pandemic, Hugh Mackay explores the deep and meaningful questions about what and who we place importance in, what do we need to change to have a better quality of life, and how events that may start to break us, actually help build us and create resiliance.

I listened to this as an audiobook and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the narration throughout, taking it chapter by chapter. I was able to achieve big sky thinking with this, and incorporate the suggestions throughout the book within my own life with my family and friends, but also embed it into my own practice in my employment, being able to support others through some of the most difficult and unpredictable times of their lives. I would highly recommend those who are wanting to have the opportunity to explore themselves a bit more deeply, to read this book.

Thank you to the publisher for my #gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Susan Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy Hugh Mackay’s non-fiction books and although I don’t agree with everything he writes, he certainly makes the reader think. Mackay wrote much of The Kindness Revolution based on his observations of people’s responses during the Covid pandemic. It was published in 2021.

Mackay notes the many different ways people showed kindness to others, often complete strangers, during the pandemic and how surprising and refreshing this was. The underlying question throughout the book is, why don’t we act with kindness more often? Showing kindness doesn’t require a lot of effort but reaps many benefits for ourselves as well as others.

Mackay looks at the value of kindness in many different settings: politics, institutions, workplaces, social groups etc. and notes that as a species, although we enjoy competition, we are born to cooperate. He points out that even in a sporting event the competitors have to agree to the rules before they can enjoy the contest.

Mackay looks at how kindness or the lack of it affects us on a personal level. The simplest acts of kindness can be the most profound, like genuinely listening to another person. He includes several stories from others that demonstrate the impact kindness can have.

One surprise in the book, for someone who makes a living out of research, was Mackay’s lack of research regarding the gospel writers. He claims they were evangelists and propagandists, not historians or journalists. However, these writers wrote biographies that are consistent in style with other biographies that are considered factual and written around the same time. One simple way of showing that the gospel authors aren’t evangelists or propagandists is they include embarrassing information, such as a woman being the first witness to the resurrection. (Women weren’t considered reliable witnesses at this time.) The embarrassment test is regularly used by ancient historians.

Nevertheless, a perceptive and thought-provoking read.

[Amy Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Rounded Up

The Kindnesses Revolution by social psychologist Hugh Mackay looks back over the challenges faced by the Australian community since 2020 including the bushfires and the global pandemic, and the impact this has had on our mental health, well-being and the economy. He looks to the reader to consider the questions "what matters to me?" and "what kind of society do I want to live in?". He proposes a society that is kinder, more compassionate, cooperative, respectful, inclusive, egalitarian and harmonious. He asks us to look past our individual needs and consider the greater good and a kinder community.

Hugh Mackay's passion for how we can restore hope and inspire optimism is infectious, his writing is engaging and easy to read however at times it feels like it jumps around a bit. Whilst there was nothing Earth shattering about his proposal, this is exactly what makes it seem possible.

I will continue to live my life in a way that is kind and inclusive of everyone and hope to see the kindness revolution take off here in Australia. Never waste a good crisis! ⭐️⭐️⭐️🌠 (3.5/5).

[Giovanna Walker · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of the book, and some of the chapters are very interesting - especially those who don't feel heard and what reactions/actions that facilities.
Unfortunately the book feels rushed, it's a bit all over the place with various anecdotes from ancient & modern philosophers, the bible, poets etc etc. Also the layout with the larger script for personal recounting of stories and underlined headings?
I feel it would have been better served in a slimmer tome.
The ideas and concepts are something we can aspire to, and also helps understand the foundation of community and society. However it rambles too much to get its point across concisely I'm afraid.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an unusual case where I'm pretty sure there's a good book in here, but the structure obscured it. It jumps all over the place, in some areas each paragraph covering something new with no connecting thought between them. I would be really getting into some of the concepts being discussed and just as it was getting interesting it would suddenly jump to something different. It reads more like a (slightly tipsy) sociologist friend at a BBQ launching into "...and another thing..." and you kind of agree but it's all a bit much

[C.J. Hill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kindness costs us nothing. Thinking about what we want to say or do before we express ourselves could help improve our own mood as well as those with whom we come in contact. We cannot know what another person has endured in their life that makes them the way they are and this book reminds us that our moods affect not only our day but anyone else we engage with. This is a good reminder to be considerate, and empathetic, and kind, as much as possible.

[Scott Vawser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a big fan. I’ve read almost every book Hugh has written. His insights and passion around Aussie culture astound and impress me with every read. The way this book finishes I felt a little sad, at 83 years old, it felt like it may be his last offering to us. May his legacy ripple on for many years!!

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and definitely thought provoking.
Every point is noteworthy and made me consider my position on the issue.
I didn’t necessarily agree with all of his conclusions but equally I often agreed with the general tenant of his thinking.worth a read for sure.
And yes…….we should all definitely be more kind.

[Debbie Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well needed read with lots of examples and ideas for kindness. Listening has gone up in my estimation as being one of the best ways of being kind after reading this book.
Thanks for the bright spark Hugh.

[Maggie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my cup of tea at all. Most of the book, I feel, was stating the obvious. We all know that being kind, especially on a mass scale, would make the world a better place. There were no solutions offered on how to achieve this.

[Jennifer Antulov · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hugh MacKay's style of writing is engaging and personal. It's thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable. I found this book's series of reflections to be interesting, which led me to my own thoughts about life, community and inclusion.

[Ru Halwala · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great title. Unfortunately, what’s between the covers doesn’t live up to the name. Very one-note and lots of stating the obvious. I was expecting something much more action-focused than just dwelling on the current state of things. Very keen for an actual Kindness Revolution!

[Monzenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

High three stars. It's an okay book with a good message. The self-help parts were nice but a bit too long, and the narratives would fit perfectly in a Chicken Soul series. Not a bad thing - it's an okay book to read.

[Imarni Walker · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn’t finish it, such a dreadful book. It was all over the place and lacked consistency. Really disappointed.

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful and grounded in reality.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what an excellent book to start a new year. Particularly enjoyed chapter 4. We can all be better.

[Jasmine's · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of good points on a much needed subjected but the audio book reads like a sermon so would have benefitted from an alternative narrator.

[Annette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Synthesis of largely well-known ideas, told in a conversational style.