‘Mum, What’s Wrong with You?’: 101 Things Only Mothers of Teenage Girls Know

by Lorraine Candy

Sunday Times bestseller

‘The mothering manual we all need’ Claudia Winkleman

Calling all

Are you feeling lonely and confused?

Are you panicking that you’re getting everything wrong?

Do you feel as if your relationship with your teenage daughter has worsened overnight?
Don't worry, you're not alone.

Enter parenting columnist Lorraine Candy, a mum of four (including three teens). Her warm, witty, and wise memoir will gently lead you to a harmonious place.

This book is a reassuring survivor's guide to the highs and lows of parenting adolescents. It will reconnect you to your daughter and help you feel good about your mothering.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

289 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 22, 2021

Reviews

[Olha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Українською видано під назвою «Мам, ну ти нормальна?».
Моїй старшій 11 років і я вже бачу перші зміни в її поведінці та реакціях, які явно свідчать про вступ у передпідлітковий період. І воно наче добре, що я взялась за книжку трошки заздалегідь, але тепер варто буде проглянути її знову за пару років 😅
Загалом враження приємні, авторка абсолютно адекватна, поради дає опираючись на професійних психологів та інших спеціалістів з відзнаками.
При цьому написано максимально легко.
Якщо хочеться моральної підтримки, або відповідей на питання «чи все правильно я роблю?», «чи адекватно поводиться моя дитина?» – раджу 👌🏻

[Adriana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the book very close to my understandings and searches. Fell in love with both the language (displaying strong sense of humor and self-irony), as well as with the specific and well-articulated practical advice. At times I wanted to rip off a page and put it on the wall for reassurance and hope in difficult times.

The author approaches this special and exciting moment in her daughters' lives with great respect and care. All the while reminding us how challenging and revolutionary it is actually to be a teenage girl. Her insistence on maintaining self-control, pride, joy, support, humility in the face of their growth is vastly humane and sweet.

The book offers everything for a slightly perplexed, self-blaming and feeling like a failure mum - honesty, support, practicality, emotions, laughter, tears, seriousness, generosity and bigger picture. I recommend it to both current mothers of daughters (and fathers), as well as to women seeking to understand better what happens in the teenage mother-daughter relationship. Loved it.

[Lisa Dawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for book of teenager girls (altho still helpful for boys). The list of books and websites at the end is worth its weight in gold alone. You won’t agree with all of it, but it does change the mindset on parenting. Also a must read for dads!

[Briday Peers · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF, just felt like someone had rang me up for a whinge.

[Charlotte Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

There’s so many helpful tips and advice in this book and it’s also very funny. Really helpful through some difficult spots with my pre-teen. I’ve used a few tactics already, and readjusted how I approach certain things and it does really work!!

However the book stumbles into the overly liberal a bit too much for my liking - no matter how much the author tells me it’s a good idea I will NOT be talking to my daughter about m*sturbation and lubrication. Ever. She would probably turn to stone if I tried. Also I think when the author, whilst it’s obvious she really tries her best and has a lovely family, talks about her own teenagers I’m shocked at how she lets them speak to and treat her. When she describes what the things they say, whilst it’s largely for comedy effect, I think it’s not great advice to allow such blatant disrespect and sometimes nastiness to go unchecked. As for the “get used to them having friends over and walking into the kitchen to see random teens you’ve never met rummaging in your fridge. Make sure you have snacks in for when this happens”. If this does happen in our house the only snack they would be getting is the gravel outside when I boot them out the house for being so rude as to walk into a strangers home and start eating their food

[Madhuri Banerjee · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is much research to show that is after the age of 12 that children most need their parents to be present both physically and emotionally. Which is ironic because it’s around this time that they appear to want you the least.
Hence this book.
It was such an eye opener for me and I recommend it to all parents of teenagers. It will help you in ways you didn’t think were possible.
I have underlined passages, highlighted areas and book marked pages to refer to in the future.
This is one book I’m never going to lend but will buy for my friends for sure because one will need to refer to it when your child hits 11 till they move out of the house.
It’s funny, full of great advice, deep insights and memories of the author’s life that seemed like they were mine too.
It helps you “feel with” your teenager and not just deal with them.
It’s a must buy and a must read.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll confess not my usual literary affair (It's got a pink cover!!), but on recommendation from the Missus (recommendation not coercion) I gave it ago and thoughly enjoyed it from laugh out loud to s**t that's me!! So any Dads with girls take a read....even if you skim to Chapter 22 about Dad's it's worth it......now onto a murder mystery or legal drama, but 'Raising Girls' by Steve Biddulph is now on the reading list...
..

[Steph Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not for me....

[Olena Vedmid · Rating 5 out of 5]

За минулі пару тижнів я порадила цю книжку стільком людям, що вирішила вже написати про неї тут. Вона для мам дівчат-підлітків.

Svitlana Skus скинула мені фото цієї книжки якось ввечері, а вже зранку я була в книгарні і питала, чому книжка не стоїть на найбільш видному місці, обведеному якимись червоними колами, щоб привертати до себе увагу.

Наші діти переживають війну та пов'язані з нею зміни, тиск, відповідальність, раптове дорослішання - те, чого не можна було передбачити. Але також вони просто підлітки зі своїми проблемами, які були в кожного з нас, - гормони, перше кохання, пошук себе, зростання, досягнення в спорті, оцінки в школі. А головне, що відбувається в підлітковому періоді: від'єднання від батьків.

Найскладніші стосунки зазвичай між мамами і дівчатами, за моїми спостереженнями і спілкуванням з друзями. Саме тому, якщо ви мама і у вас є донька віком 11-18 років, ця книжка для вас.

Її написала британська мама чотирьох дітей, троє з яких - дівчата. Вона розмірковує на абсолютно різні теми: алкоголь і наркотики, перші стосунки, зловживанння гаджетами, місячні (про що у нас в суспільстві досі типу як незручно розмовляти), пошуки гендерної ідентичності, спільні поїздки за кордон всією сім'єю, тривожні стани у дітей і тд.

Написано дотепно і влучно. Не буду цитувати. Але сформулюю головну думку, висновок, який я зробила після книжки. А також це те, чому нас з Ярославом вчить психолог Марина Огороднійчук. Я зараз напишу це і воно буде здаватись очевидним. Але насправді це доволі складно.

Головне, що ми можемо дати зараз нашим дітям, це - підтримка.

Тобто замість того, щоб повчати, дисциплінувати, критикувати, радити, опікувати і виховувати - просто підтримувати.

Це звучить трохи банально. Але ви спробуйте. Я свідомо працюю над цим. І у мене пішло на це приблизно півроку. Бо так хочеться вирішити за них всі проблеми, допомогти, порадити і сказати, як правильно.

Але нашим дорослим дітям потрібно не це. Їм необхідо мати це відчуття, що щоб не сталось, у них завжди є опора. Що вони завжди можуть довіряти тобі. Що вони завжди можуть прийти до тебе. Що ти завжди на їхньому боці. І нам, батькам, важливо це пам'ятати.

Ну, і мене після прочитання цієї книжки, трохи попустило. Трохи додало впевненості, що ми робимо все правльно.

[Lizzie Riley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a candid book which details what the author has learnt about raising two teenage girls. There was definitely some useful advice in here, and I’ve been pointed in the direction of other books and podcasts. I’ve also committed the unforgivable sin of bending back pages for future reference 😂 My only small negative was that (similarly to other similar books) it became a bit “samey” as there are only so many ways you can give the same message. All in all a good read that I will be returning to and would recommend to other mums of teen girls.

[Liz Leaman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting and reassuring read. It’s only her opinions and experience of course so not at all factual and should not be taken as a book of solutions. Some of it wasn’t at all relevant to my children and some of it I didn’t agree with. But still I found it helpful and it helped me slow down and think about my interactions with my teenagers. I found it useful for parenting all my children of all genders not just girls.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soooo Good!

Brilliant book for anyone suffering from the death stare of a teen daughter! Some great advice, plenty of laughs and leaves you feeling like you’re battling this all with an army of parents by your side. Loved all the extra recommendations of further reading too. Thx Lorraine!!!

[Janeth Bedoya · Rating 5 out of 5]

every mother of daughters should read this

everything makes more sense, encourage what you are doing is actually ok or highlights what you are doing wrong and how to change it. Easy read and focus on raising happy confident teenage girls and surviving
Thank you Lorraine
Mrs Gaviria

[Susie Kaye · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful!

Thank you Lorraine for sharing your wisdom and experience of parenting teenage girls. So helpful to recognise the behaviours that can sometimes drive you insane! Thank you for sharing the pain of letting them fly as well as all the joys. All the best to you and your wonderful family xx

[Moyra Duckmanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I spent a lot of time nodding my head or saying, “thank goodness it’s not just me!” Whilst reading this.
A helpful text that is well written. I feel that by reading this it has allowed me to be a more relaxed parent. It’s never going to be a walk in the park, but this will certainly help/guide you.
Good luck!

[Hallie Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone with a teenage daughter , trying to find common ground and avoiding conflict should read this.
It’s genius writing, funny, informative and comforting to know others are going through the same.

[Beccy · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute gem of a book for anyone with a girl child in, or approaching, their teens. I would suggest Dads read it too because I feel that as a woman I have a head start on understanding ‘the teen girl’ (what with having been one!) but for Dads it must be an absolute minefield!

[Elisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are plenty of solid reflections here, with Candy generously sharing her experience. The approach to gender inside was more thoughtful than the pink cover suggests, and the author is just self aware enough that the priviledge underpinning their life is bareable. Teens are universally tricky.

[Michelle Couny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this book earlier. My teenage daughter is 17. Lorraine's insights and advice are invaluable. I feel less alone having read this book, and a solidarity with all mums of teen girls.We've got this!

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, life affirming and full of hope.

[Laura Hands · Rating 4 out of 5]

When she's nearly 10 going on 15, I thought I'd get prepared. Not sure if I feel more worried now! An honest, easy to follow and helpful review of parenting girls.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light heart look at life with a teenager. Reassuring with some good advice

[Claire Mander · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very worthwhile and sometimes challenging reading

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay. Downloaded by accident (rather than sampling it). Some useful tips and info. Found it a bit basic and repetitive after a while.

[Judith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting bits and some funny bits; slightly repetitive in some parts but overall worth a read.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding

[Tracey Widnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every mum of teenager girls MUST read 😅

[marion leadbetter · Rating 5 out of 5]

brilliant

Makes you realise it’s not just you with some great tips for coping with your teen without it turning into war

[Michelle Kemp · Rating 2 out of 5]

Couldn’t finish. Started off well but then got very preachy! Skipped chunks then decided life was too short.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for any parent heading towards the teenage years.