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Safe, Wanted, and Loved: A Family Memoir of Mental Illness, Heartbreak, and Hope
Winner of seven awards, including a National Indie Excellence Award and Best Indie Book Award."Anyone out there struggling to navigate mental illness should read this thoughtful book."—Former U.S. Rep. Patrick J. Kennedy, founder of the Kennedy Forum “Pat, we need to kill the dog.” A chill ran down Patrick Dylan’s spine as his wife spoke—psychosis had found their family again.
When a sudden mental illness struck his wife, Patrick Dylan found himself living with an eerie stranger. Scared and unprepared, he began a desperate battle to protect her from a mysterious disease, shelter their children from her bizarre behavior, and recover the woman he loved.
For years, Patrick and Mia Dylan enjoyed an intimate marriage that exemplified partnership. They worked together to create a loving home for their two children, enjoyed a close relationship with their extended family, and offered mutual support during hard times. But on the morning of Mia’s thirty-ninth birthday, everything changed.
Within weeks, she had been admitted to the emergency room, the hospital, and the local crisis facility, but none of the experts could provide an answer. As her illness eluded diagnosis, the family’s struggle was only beginning. A brave memoir in the tradition of Brain on Fire, Dylan’s Safe, Wanted, and Loved is a compassionate, honest, and gripping account of a family navigating mental illness.
When a sudden mental illness struck his wife, Patrick Dylan found himself living with an eerie stranger. Scared and unprepared, he began a desperate battle to protect her from a mysterious disease, shelter their children from her bizarre behavior, and recover the woman he loved.
For years, Patrick and Mia Dylan enjoyed an intimate marriage that exemplified partnership. They worked together to create a loving home for their two children, enjoyed a close relationship with their extended family, and offered mutual support during hard times. But on the morning of Mia’s thirty-ninth birthday, everything changed.
Within weeks, she had been admitted to the emergency room, the hospital, and the local crisis facility, but none of the experts could provide an answer. As her illness eluded diagnosis, the family’s struggle was only beginning. A brave memoir in the tradition of Brain on Fire, Dylan’s Safe, Wanted, and Loved is a compassionate, honest, and gripping account of a family navigating mental illness.
242 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 4, 2021
42 people are currently reading
2138 people want to read
About the author
Patrick Dylan
1 book21 followersPatrick Dylan joins the voices calling for an end to the stigma surrounding mental illness. He and his wife, Mia, live in Florida and have two college-age children. They hope that sharing their family’s story will spread awareness of the realities of mental illness and offer support to others who are either experiencing a mental health crisis or providing care to an affected loved one.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
January 6, 2023
This book is very similar outwardly to My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward. Both of them are written by the husbands of women who have become, quite suddenly, psychotic, and it is about how they cope with their wives, families and jobs. There the similarities end.
I don't doubt that both books were written in a spirit of honesty and not glossing over the bad things, but I couldn't identify with either Mark or Giulia - I didn't really take to them at all to be honest - and got annoyed with Mark whose mother-in-law carried most of the domestic burden, not that he ever showed gratitude or love towards her.
But in this book, the author whose pseudonym is 'Patrick Dylan' as he is obsessed with the stigma of mental illness and overcoming it, yet still chooses to use a pseudonym, for his wife as well, she is "Mia". comes across as a very warm and caring person, doing his best to hold his family together, including a son who is very disturbed by his mother's illness. The descriptions of Mia make her sound all-wise and when she is well the perfect human being - I see Patrick has written that out of love, but it leaves her as a less than well-rounded person. When she is unwell, she is manic, out of control and is totally self-obsessed and self-absorbed with her own disturbed thoughts, she is mean and cruel and as the author said at one point, things are better when she is in another room.
There is another character, Mia's brother Luke, who lives a peripatetic life, catches fish, talks of crocodiles, jungles, having adventures and going from any place in the world to the next with just a small bag at a moment's notice. I laughed when I read about Luke thinking everyone reading it is going to think, as the author does, what an eccentric he is, all except me, I've done stuff like that, jungles, crocodiles, climbing whatever, I really liked him, I wanted to read more about him. He was there for his sister and entertained her children with his wild and outlandish (to some!) stories.
The book goes from one episode of madness controlled by really heavy doses of drugs and the side effects they cause, to another and more and different drugs, voluntary spells in hospital and one involuntary where Patrick phoned the police, and they came and interrogated him as though he had committed a crime, and in a manner that was disturbingly brutal and abusive, handcuffed her to cart her off to get her sectioned.
Two things I learned from the book. The first was that Mia's voluntary periods in a mental institution were not covered by insurance, which Patrick thought they would be. He went to the hospital accountant and said very sternly that he knows that the insurance company would have negotiated the sum of $30,000 down to $10,000 so that is what he was offering them in cash. So they took it. There is something really skew-whiff about charging uninsured people more than insurance companies, three hundred per cent more. Make the poor poorer. It isn't the first book I have read this in.
The second thing. When Patrick and the doctor who has been treating Mia throughout her illness cannot find a diagnosis that fits and a treatment that works, he is told to go to McLean, a mental health hospital affiliated with Harvard and recommended as 'the best in the world'. So he does. He is told that the treatment is generally two weeks at $25,000 per week, no insurance excepted. So those that don't have the ability to raise $50K must suffer their rare illnesses no one can diagnose.
When it comes to medicine, America is a very cruel place, valuing everyone not for our common humanity, but for how much money the are worth. Luckily the author can pay $50K.
She is diagnosed as having unipolar - bipolar without the depression, which the pschiatrist says is so rare that he has only ever seen three cases of it. She is prescribed a brand of lithium that costs over $1,000 a month, he can pay that too, before she is transferred to the (identical) generic lithium that is not an expensive drug. I understand the 'don't fix what ain't broke' attitude of this drug works, but still, this is a very intelligent man, a Harvard graduate who sold his start-up, surely he could have looked up the chemical composition of the two drugs.
This is thought was a bit weird, my grandfather had bipolar without the manic, other side of the same coin. She is treated with lithium and apart from a blip or two, she lives happily ever after. Almost. She wants the love of her husband, intimacy, sex.
But Patrick has become his wife's advocate, best friend and carer, intimacy has long gone both love and sex. So at her bidding, he sees a therapist who says he has PTSD and prescribes, as part of the treatment that he write a book.
So he did.
I don't doubt that both books were written in a spirit of honesty and not glossing over the bad things, but I couldn't identify with either Mark or Giulia - I didn't really take to them at all to be honest - and got annoyed with Mark whose mother-in-law carried most of the domestic burden, not that he ever showed gratitude or love towards her.
But in this book, the author whose pseudonym is 'Patrick Dylan' as he is obsessed with the stigma of mental illness and overcoming it, yet still chooses to use a pseudonym, for his wife as well, she is "Mia". comes across as a very warm and caring person, doing his best to hold his family together, including a son who is very disturbed by his mother's illness. The descriptions of Mia make her sound all-wise and when she is well the perfect human being - I see Patrick has written that out of love, but it leaves her as a less than well-rounded person. When she is unwell, she is manic, out of control and is totally self-obsessed and self-absorbed with her own disturbed thoughts, she is mean and cruel and as the author said at one point, things are better when she is in another room.
There is another character, Mia's brother Luke, who lives a peripatetic life, catches fish, talks of crocodiles, jungles, having adventures and going from any place in the world to the next with just a small bag at a moment's notice. I laughed when I read about Luke thinking everyone reading it is going to think, as the author does, what an eccentric he is, all except me, I've done stuff like that, jungles, crocodiles, climbing whatever, I really liked him, I wanted to read more about him. He was there for his sister and entertained her children with his wild and outlandish (to some!) stories.
The book goes from one episode of madness controlled by really heavy doses of drugs and the side effects they cause, to another and more and different drugs, voluntary spells in hospital and one involuntary where Patrick phoned the police, and they came and interrogated him as though he had committed a crime, and in a manner that was disturbingly brutal and abusive, handcuffed her to cart her off to get her sectioned.
Two things I learned from the book. The first was that Mia's voluntary periods in a mental institution were not covered by insurance, which Patrick thought they would be. He went to the hospital accountant and said very sternly that he knows that the insurance company would have negotiated the sum of $30,000 down to $10,000 so that is what he was offering them in cash. So they took it. There is something really skew-whiff about charging uninsured people more than insurance companies, three hundred per cent more. Make the poor poorer. It isn't the first book I have read this in.
The second thing. When Patrick and the doctor who has been treating Mia throughout her illness cannot find a diagnosis that fits and a treatment that works, he is told to go to McLean, a mental health hospital affiliated with Harvard and recommended as 'the best in the world'. So he does. He is told that the treatment is generally two weeks at $25,000 per week, no insurance excepted. So those that don't have the ability to raise $50K must suffer their rare illnesses no one can diagnose.
When it comes to medicine, America is a very cruel place, valuing everyone not for our common humanity, but for how much money the are worth. Luckily the author can pay $50K.
She is diagnosed as having unipolar - bipolar without the depression, which the pschiatrist says is so rare that he has only ever seen three cases of it. She is prescribed a brand of lithium that costs over $1,000 a month, he can pay that too, before she is transferred to the (identical) generic lithium that is not an expensive drug. I understand the 'don't fix what ain't broke' attitude of this drug works, but still, this is a very intelligent man, a Harvard graduate who sold his start-up, surely he could have looked up the chemical composition of the two drugs.
This is thought was a bit weird, my grandfather had bipolar without the manic, other side of the same coin. She is treated with lithium and apart from a blip or two, she lives happily ever after. Almost. She wants the love of her husband, intimacy, sex.
But Patrick has become his wife's advocate, best friend and carer, intimacy has long gone both love and sex. So at her bidding, he sees a therapist who says he has PTSD and prescribes, as part of the treatment that he write a book.
So he did.
September 25, 2022
This is a real story, and it's very honest. It is well written (Raúl Esparza makes a wonderful job as narrator, but what else is new), and it shows without shame how hard it is to deal with mental illness for any family. I've never been through something like this, but I think this book was helpful not only with the medical part, but with how we should react about these kinds of things, because they are more common than we think. Empathy and patience is key.
October 24, 2021
Amazing story! Last pages deal with the stigma of mental illness ! Well put & so true!! As former " psych" RN was drawn to book.Well written and Patrick Dylan was an amazing husband who went above & beyond to help his wife! Mental illness has been on back burner too long! Hopefully the stigma surrounding it will disappear as people become more educated on mental illness.
May 27, 2021
I received this book as part of a Goodreads giveaway in exchange for an honest review- I give it 3.5 stars. While I found the narrative of the book compelling, I felt a lot of conflict about the author's perspective. It's dripping in privilege, and while the author seems to be contending with this, he hasn't yet fully progressed into actually de-stigmatizing mental illness. I'm glad he's finally in therapy-everyone should be. Perhaps it's generational, but I've found I know more people with mental illnesses (including myself), than without. I found myself shouting to myself "get a second opinion" and "go to a big hospital" as they were searching for a diagnosis that would lead to his wife's stabilization. The characterization of some of the pharmaceuticals involved bothered me as well- as someone who has been on some of these meds, as well as from the perspective of a chemist, I think the author should have maybe left his speculations on the effects of each medication out (also, please just get the generic version of a Rx!) Anyone reading this book from the perspective of someone struggling with mental illness would NOT feel encouraged to medicate from the earlier portions of the story.
It also bothers me a bit that this is written under a pseudonym- I wish there was a final chapter written by his wife, validating that she was okay with this story being told as well as giving a bit of her perspective on the time. I hope she's okay. Of course stigma around illnesses with psychosis still exists, but by being open with your identity surrounding this, I think this book would have more impact.
It also bothers me a bit that this is written under a pseudonym- I wish there was a final chapter written by his wife, validating that she was okay with this story being told as well as giving a bit of her perspective on the time. I hope she's okay. Of course stigma around illnesses with psychosis still exists, but by being open with your identity surrounding this, I think this book would have more impact.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 30, 2021
The author does an amazing job of recreating the events of his wife's breakdown, including all the important details and events but keeping the story moving and the reader engaged. Besides the drama and scary details of his wife's illness, he describes his own feelings, the changing family dynamics, and the difficulties involved in receiving and paying for medical care. The story is told such that the reader, like the author, doesn't know how it will end. This was a page-turner for me. I won the book in a Goodreads giveaway.
June 14, 2021
3.5 rounded up. Interesting memoir of the author and his family's journey to manage and cope with the effects of his wife's mental illness. The author highlights the difficulties that often occur in finding a correct diagnosis and effective treatment, struggles with the side effects of medication, and how one family member's mental illness can impact the whole family. I like the way the author used snippets from earlier times to help the reader understand the history and strength of his relationship with his wife and his wife's personality and temperament prior to the onset of her mental illness.
June 27, 2023
I devoured this book. I’ve never felt so seen when it comes to being a partner/caretaker of someone with serious mental illness. Amazing book, raw and real.
January 16, 2022
Dealing with Mental Illness
Patrick Dylan has provided such insight into mental illness from a family perspective. As a retired social worker who worked with severely mentally Ill people, I have witnessed the depth of pain this wreaks for the person suffering from with this disease as well as families and friends.
Thank you for providing such honesty and promoting acceptance of mental illness as a disease that should be handled in an open manner.
Patrick Dylan has provided such insight into mental illness from a family perspective. As a retired social worker who worked with severely mentally Ill people, I have witnessed the depth of pain this wreaks for the person suffering from with this disease as well as families and friends.
Thank you for providing such honesty and promoting acceptance of mental illness as a disease that should be handled in an open manner.
August 3, 2021
What an incredible story about family and what it means to be supportive of each other.
November 30, 2023
Enjoyed this quick read. Gave me a different perspective I don’t so easily get when working with clients. You forget about how other people are impacted. Good lesson.
March 21, 2022
Insightful, haunting, personal
Minor spoiler alert. Wow. I just finished. I could have been done more quickly, but several times I stopped to process all that was taking place. I deeply felt Pat's fear and wondered how scary it would be in Mia's shoes.
I was moved by Pat's dedication to her and the kids. I was saddened at each relapse. At the end, I was simultaneously thrilled they had answers and deeply crushed at the process.
We are comfortably middle class in a rural area that has limited availability mental health resources and have great insurance. So many of the treatment options Mia tried and the cost of ultimately getting help would never be attainable by our family and even fewer options to those with less income. I wonder how less rare her ultimate condition would be if more people had access to that level of care.
Having minor mental illness in the family and working with individuals in recovery has exposed me to a variety of conditions, but nothing could prepare a person for what Pat woke up to that first morning. I can't quit thinking about how scary and differently the journey could have started.
A recommended read. At the very least, you will leave with more compassion for those mentally ill and their families.
Minor spoiler alert. Wow. I just finished. I could have been done more quickly, but several times I stopped to process all that was taking place. I deeply felt Pat's fear and wondered how scary it would be in Mia's shoes.
I was moved by Pat's dedication to her and the kids. I was saddened at each relapse. At the end, I was simultaneously thrilled they had answers and deeply crushed at the process.
We are comfortably middle class in a rural area that has limited availability mental health resources and have great insurance. So many of the treatment options Mia tried and the cost of ultimately getting help would never be attainable by our family and even fewer options to those with less income. I wonder how less rare her ultimate condition would be if more people had access to that level of care.
Having minor mental illness in the family and working with individuals in recovery has exposed me to a variety of conditions, but nothing could prepare a person for what Pat woke up to that first morning. I can't quit thinking about how scary and differently the journey could have started.
A recommended read. At the very least, you will leave with more compassion for those mentally ill and their families.
Read
January 21, 2023I struggle to rate this book. The realities and the heartaches of the mental illness are all very real, and very well written.
What is hard to swallow is the difference between the haves and the have-nots. Several times the mere cost of items are mentioned, all of which he can afford with seemingly minor stress ($1k for a 10 day script because he doesn't want to go generic, $10k hospital bill negotiated in cash, $50k for the program that would ultimately diagnose his wife), but for many Americans, simply finding a psychiatrist available to call back the same-day is a gem, let alone to find one as single-patient minded as the one they found.
While I'm glad the author was able to eventually able to find his wife a diagnosis at a Harvard-affiliated (or whatever the true place was, as this was all written with a nom de plume), this simply isn't the reality for most of us- leaving 1/3 of the title of this book irrelevant to so many who can relate to the the Mental Illness and Heartbreak portion.
What is hard to swallow is the difference between the haves and the have-nots. Several times the mere cost of items are mentioned, all of which he can afford with seemingly minor stress ($1k for a 10 day script because he doesn't want to go generic, $10k hospital bill negotiated in cash, $50k for the program that would ultimately diagnose his wife), but for many Americans, simply finding a psychiatrist available to call back the same-day is a gem, let alone to find one as single-patient minded as the one they found.
While I'm glad the author was able to eventually able to find his wife a diagnosis at a Harvard-affiliated (or whatever the true place was, as this was all written with a nom de plume), this simply isn't the reality for most of us- leaving 1/3 of the title of this book irrelevant to so many who can relate to the the Mental Illness and Heartbreak portion.
June 7, 2021
Thank you Girl Friday Productions for introducing me to this family and allowing me to hear their story.
Mental Illness is real and there are many forms of it. Safe, Wanted and Loved tells one family's story of their journey through it. It tells of the love of a husband for his wife, for their children and how the illness affected each one of them. How they met, how shockingly it can just come out of nowhere, the triggers, the pains, the suffering of it, the things we don't know about it, how they dealt with it and most of all how they came through it. No matter how minor or how intense a mental illness is for you, help is available, seek it, do not be ashamed of it and allow yourself and your family to heal from it so you too can be safe, wanted and loved.
Mental Illness is real and there are many forms of it. Safe, Wanted and Loved tells one family's story of their journey through it. It tells of the love of a husband for his wife, for their children and how the illness affected each one of them. How they met, how shockingly it can just come out of nowhere, the triggers, the pains, the suffering of it, the things we don't know about it, how they dealt with it and most of all how they came through it. No matter how minor or how intense a mental illness is for you, help is available, seek it, do not be ashamed of it and allow yourself and your family to heal from it so you too can be safe, wanted and loved.
March 4, 2023
This book wasn’t easy to review. It was one sided with no voice given from the wife directly. I’ve read a few true stories about mental health. They all have the same frustrating, sad points about how difficult it is to get a proper diagnosis and the awful side effects of the medications. Having money helps a lot however it is still a challenge. This book left a lot of unanswered questions though.
January 30, 2023
This book takes no prisoners. It is a raw look at the devastation that lies behind mental illness. This is the story of an average American family where a psychosis is lurking and how it is dealt with - a wife spiraling and scared and the husband who is fighting for answers.
April 12, 2023
This was an interesting memoir, but written like a longer version of a Good Housekeeping story.
May 26, 2023
Such a powerful story and having the courage to tell it was remarkable. 20% of us struggle with mental health illness. We need to continue to break the stigma.
January 10, 2022
Safe, Wanted, and Loved by Patrick Dylan is a memoir about the author’s wife’s experiences of mental illness, how that affected the family, and the difficult journey in the direction of recovery.
The book’s powerful opening line is the author’s wife, Mia, saying “Pat, I am going to prison.” At that point, she was first demonstrating indications of psychosis. The book then moved forward in time, with sections at the beginning of each chapter moving back in time to earlier points in their relationship. I thought the pacing of this was quite well done, hooking the reader’s attention at the beginning and then gradually filling in more bits of backstory to give a view of Pat and Mia’s lives beyond just the way they were affected by mental illness.
The family then faced the issue of how to get proper care for Mia as the psychosis worsened. For people who haven’t dealt with this kind of thing before, this will likely be eye-opening, and for those of us who’ve been on the patient side of things, it’s interesting to see the family member perspective.
Once Mia did end up getting treatment, there was confusion about her diagnosis, which continued for much of the book. The reader is taken through the trial and error process of finding medication that would be helpful for her. Her treatment team’s approach with meds struck me as strange, in a separate post, I’ll address the issue of doctors sometimes relying heavily on benzodiazepines to manage problems that those drugs don’t actually treat. It wasn’t until finally getting diagnostic clarification, which required going not just out of town but out of state, that she was able to find the right medication to keep her illness under control. Mia’s journey is a good example of the challenges so many people with mental illness face trying to get the right diagnosis and the right meds for them.
The issue of medication side effects came up at different points in the book, including people asking Mia if she was pregnant due to medication-induced weight gain (yup, been there, done that). There were also some more severe effects that necessitated stopping the medication. I thought there was a good balance of presenting the pros and cons of medications and weighing particular side effects against the benefits of the associated medication. The book also got into the family’s hesitancy around medication, even while they recognized the necessity for it.
I thought the book was really effective at capturing how frightening psychosis can be for loved ones who don’t understand what’s happening, especially if the unwell individual becomes paranoid about family members. Difficult issues like involuntary treatment and police involvement also came up. The reader learns about psychosis and psychiatric treatment as the author shares his own journey of suddenly being faced with having to learn about these things.
Mia’s illness had a significant impact on the family, and the book explored all of the challenges that the author, his and Mia’s children, and other family members faced in trying to cope. I thought the author’s openness around this was a real strength of the book. I also appreciated that the author was very clear about differentiating the illness from Mia herself, and recognizing that it was the illness causing challenges for the family, and Mia was not to blame for that.
While stigma comes up at different points throughout the book, it’s addressed more explicitly in the epilogue. The author explained that protecting his wife from stigma was very front of mind in deciding how to handle things when she first got sick. However, when they did disclose, suddenly other people were disclosing their own experiences, which is very consistent with my own experiences of disclosure. One of the book’s key take-home messages is that we need to talk more about mental illness and break the taboos that stigma has imposed.
Overall, I thought this was an excellent book. It was well written and demonstrated strength through vulnerability. This would be a particularly valuable read for family members of people dealing with mental illness, but I think it could also be really helpful for people who have a mental illness to see the family member perspective. And more generally, I think the more books out there talking about the reality of mental illness, the better, because people need to hear real human stories to counteract the stereotypes.
I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
The book’s powerful opening line is the author’s wife, Mia, saying “Pat, I am going to prison.” At that point, she was first demonstrating indications of psychosis. The book then moved forward in time, with sections at the beginning of each chapter moving back in time to earlier points in their relationship. I thought the pacing of this was quite well done, hooking the reader’s attention at the beginning and then gradually filling in more bits of backstory to give a view of Pat and Mia’s lives beyond just the way they were affected by mental illness.
The family then faced the issue of how to get proper care for Mia as the psychosis worsened. For people who haven’t dealt with this kind of thing before, this will likely be eye-opening, and for those of us who’ve been on the patient side of things, it’s interesting to see the family member perspective.
Once Mia did end up getting treatment, there was confusion about her diagnosis, which continued for much of the book. The reader is taken through the trial and error process of finding medication that would be helpful for her. Her treatment team’s approach with meds struck me as strange, in a separate post, I’ll address the issue of doctors sometimes relying heavily on benzodiazepines to manage problems that those drugs don’t actually treat. It wasn’t until finally getting diagnostic clarification, which required going not just out of town but out of state, that she was able to find the right medication to keep her illness under control. Mia’s journey is a good example of the challenges so many people with mental illness face trying to get the right diagnosis and the right meds for them.
The issue of medication side effects came up at different points in the book, including people asking Mia if she was pregnant due to medication-induced weight gain (yup, been there, done that). There were also some more severe effects that necessitated stopping the medication. I thought there was a good balance of presenting the pros and cons of medications and weighing particular side effects against the benefits of the associated medication. The book also got into the family’s hesitancy around medication, even while they recognized the necessity for it.
I thought the book was really effective at capturing how frightening psychosis can be for loved ones who don’t understand what’s happening, especially if the unwell individual becomes paranoid about family members. Difficult issues like involuntary treatment and police involvement also came up. The reader learns about psychosis and psychiatric treatment as the author shares his own journey of suddenly being faced with having to learn about these things.
Mia’s illness had a significant impact on the family, and the book explored all of the challenges that the author, his and Mia’s children, and other family members faced in trying to cope. I thought the author’s openness around this was a real strength of the book. I also appreciated that the author was very clear about differentiating the illness from Mia herself, and recognizing that it was the illness causing challenges for the family, and Mia was not to blame for that.
While stigma comes up at different points throughout the book, it’s addressed more explicitly in the epilogue. The author explained that protecting his wife from stigma was very front of mind in deciding how to handle things when she first got sick. However, when they did disclose, suddenly other people were disclosing their own experiences, which is very consistent with my own experiences of disclosure. One of the book’s key take-home messages is that we need to talk more about mental illness and break the taboos that stigma has imposed.
Overall, I thought this was an excellent book. It was well written and demonstrated strength through vulnerability. This would be a particularly valuable read for family members of people dealing with mental illness, but I think it could also be really helpful for people who have a mental illness to see the family member perspective. And more generally, I think the more books out there talking about the reality of mental illness, the better, because people need to hear real human stories to counteract the stereotypes.
I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
November 4, 2021
We are proud to announce that SAFE, WANTED, AND LOVED: A Family Memoir of Mental Illness, Heartbreak, and Hope by Patrick Dylan has been honored with the B.R.A.G.Medallion (Book Readers Appreciation Group). It now joins the very select award-winning, reader-recommended books at indieBRAG.
June 1, 2024
Las opiniones sobran cuando es una historia real.
Lloré como seis veces, qué duro para la familia que alguien esté mal y se note tanto en las pequeñas cosas como en las grandes y la desesperanza cuando todo estaba un poquito mejor y se vuelve a derrumbar.
Tremendo.
Obviamente lo escuché por Raúl, o no me hubiera sometido a éste sufrimiento. El hombre fuerza de la naturaleza te sumerge aún más en lo desesperanzador que es todo.
Lloré como seis veces, qué duro para la familia que alguien esté mal y se note tanto en las pequeñas cosas como en las grandes y la desesperanza cuando todo estaba un poquito mejor y se vuelve a derrumbar.
Tremendo.
Obviamente lo escuché por Raúl, o no me hubiera sometido a éste sufrimiento. El hombre fuerza de la naturaleza te sumerge aún más en lo desesperanzador que es todo.
January 30, 2023
This was a really emotional listen. What this family went through is really heatbreaking and scary. But also their resilence and their love for one another is really beautiful.
September 25, 2021
We are all less than seven degrees removed from someone who suffers from a disorder of the brain, whose mind is no longer their own and the person we know is held captive in a terrifying place. Patrick Dylan tells the story of his wife’s illness with clarity and compassion. This book is free of jargon, self pity and recrimination. How hard it must have been to take those out and leave us with a work of love that is so accessible.
May 29, 2021
A brutally honest account of how a family preserved through mental health challenges and crippling psychosis. Hubby stays true to his narrative account of events, recognising his shortcomings and sharing the insight he gained from retrospect (and therapy). We all make mistakes our first time around and it takes courage for a parent to be able to admit that to their children so that they feel "safe, wanted, and loved."
January 9, 2023
AUDIOBOOK REVIEW - This was a tough one to listen to but I think the audiobook was more evocative than reading a print copy. The narrator is the actor Raul Esparza.
Pat's wife has a psychotic break which sends her and her family on a rollercoaster ride to find the correct medical diagnosis, to deal with the insurance industry and, most important, to keep their family intact. Pat (husband and author) is a true hero for going to the ends of the earth to help his wife and to share their story. His initial instinct to not share the stigma of mental illness is probably typical in our judgmental culture.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book (not the right word but I am not sure what to call it). At times, I felt like I was living their experience.
This is a riveting memoir of one family's experience with mental illness. There is an epilogue for those readers dealing with mental illness and for those who encounter it.
Pat's wife has a psychotic break which sends her and her family on a rollercoaster ride to find the correct medical diagnosis, to deal with the insurance industry and, most important, to keep their family intact. Pat (husband and author) is a true hero for going to the ends of the earth to help his wife and to share their story. His initial instinct to not share the stigma of mental illness is probably typical in our judgmental culture.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book (not the right word but I am not sure what to call it). At times, I felt like I was living their experience.
This is a riveting memoir of one family's experience with mental illness. There is an epilogue for those readers dealing with mental illness and for those who encounter it.
October 1, 2022
This is absolutely one of the best books I have ever read.
Technically I listened to it, and Raul Esparza did an impeccable job narrating it, but the point remains. Patrick Dylan is an exceptional writer, and I felt like I was in every moment with Pat, Mia, and their children. I cried multiple times. When Pat & Mia's children were dealing with what was happening, I could feel it in my stomach. And by the end, all I wanted was to give Pat a hug.
I will never forget this book. As someone who deals with mental health issues, I am so glad Pat told their family's story. It deserves to be heard.
Technically I listened to it, and Raul Esparza did an impeccable job narrating it, but the point remains. Patrick Dylan is an exceptional writer, and I felt like I was in every moment with Pat, Mia, and their children. I cried multiple times. When Pat & Mia's children were dealing with what was happening, I could feel it in my stomach. And by the end, all I wanted was to give Pat a hug.
I will never forget this book. As someone who deals with mental health issues, I am so glad Pat told their family's story. It deserves to be heard.
March 6, 2025
Loving Someone Who’s Gone and Still Here
Safe, Wanted, and Loved is a story of resilience, love, and the quiet, brutal battle of living alongside mental illness. It doesn’t preach, it doesn’t dramatize—it simply lays bare what happens when the mind of someone you love turns into a stranger’s.
One morning, everything in their home was normal. By the end of the day, nothing was. That’s how fast life turned for this family. What follows is not just a story of a woman battling psychosis but of a husband trying to hold onto the woman he knew while the illness ripped through her mind, of children watching their mother transform into someone terrifying yet still their mother, and of a family’s journey through the maze of misdiagnoses, failed medications, and moments of unbearable helplessness.
Mental illness isn’t just one person’s fight. It crashes through the lives of everyone around them, leaving chaos in its wake. And yet, the most striking thing in these pages isn’t the illness—it’s the love. The patience of a husband who refuses to let the disease define his wife. The unwavering support of family members who don’t ask, they just show up. The desperate hope that keeps them all moving forward when every door to recovery seems locked.
There’s a part where Mia, in the throes of psychosis, turns on her husband, convinced he’s a demon. That moment alone captures the excruciating heartbreak of watching someone you love slip away. And then there’s the aftermath—when she returns to herself, but he’s the one left carrying the weight of everything that happened. When you’re the one who’s been strong for so long, how do you remember what it means to be vulnerable again? How do you let yourself be held when you’ve spent years holding everything together?
The book never once strips Mia of her dignity. It doesn’t make her the villain of her own story. Instead, it reminds us over and over again: the illness is not the person. And that distinction is what makes this story not just powerful but necessary.
It’s also a testament to what real partnership looks like. Not the Instagrammable, picture-perfect kind. The kind where love means standing firm when everything else is crumbling. Where faith in each other is tested and rebuilt a hundred times over. Where healing is not a straight road but a long, winding path that requires both people to keep walking, even when one of them stumbles.
By the time you reach the final pages, you realize this isn’t just a story of survival. It’s a lesson in what it means to make someone feel safe, wanted, and loved. And if there’s one thing to take away from this book, it’s this: that’s all any of us ever really need.
https://ideaweb.me/blog/loving-someon...
Safe, Wanted, and Loved is a story of resilience, love, and the quiet, brutal battle of living alongside mental illness. It doesn’t preach, it doesn’t dramatize—it simply lays bare what happens when the mind of someone you love turns into a stranger’s.
One morning, everything in their home was normal. By the end of the day, nothing was. That’s how fast life turned for this family. What follows is not just a story of a woman battling psychosis but of a husband trying to hold onto the woman he knew while the illness ripped through her mind, of children watching their mother transform into someone terrifying yet still their mother, and of a family’s journey through the maze of misdiagnoses, failed medications, and moments of unbearable helplessness.
Mental illness isn’t just one person’s fight. It crashes through the lives of everyone around them, leaving chaos in its wake. And yet, the most striking thing in these pages isn’t the illness—it’s the love. The patience of a husband who refuses to let the disease define his wife. The unwavering support of family members who don’t ask, they just show up. The desperate hope that keeps them all moving forward when every door to recovery seems locked.
There’s a part where Mia, in the throes of psychosis, turns on her husband, convinced he’s a demon. That moment alone captures the excruciating heartbreak of watching someone you love slip away. And then there’s the aftermath—when she returns to herself, but he’s the one left carrying the weight of everything that happened. When you’re the one who’s been strong for so long, how do you remember what it means to be vulnerable again? How do you let yourself be held when you’ve spent years holding everything together?
The book never once strips Mia of her dignity. It doesn’t make her the villain of her own story. Instead, it reminds us over and over again: the illness is not the person. And that distinction is what makes this story not just powerful but necessary.
It’s also a testament to what real partnership looks like. Not the Instagrammable, picture-perfect kind. The kind where love means standing firm when everything else is crumbling. Where faith in each other is tested and rebuilt a hundred times over. Where healing is not a straight road but a long, winding path that requires both people to keep walking, even when one of them stumbles.
By the time you reach the final pages, you realize this isn’t just a story of survival. It’s a lesson in what it means to make someone feel safe, wanted, and loved. And if there’s one thing to take away from this book, it’s this: that’s all any of us ever really need.
https://ideaweb.me/blog/loving-someon...
September 29, 2023
Solid and Strong
This book is a sobering and solid read. Sobering because it deals with the serious topic of mental illness; solid because though the individuals (Mia and Patrick) are strong, so is mental illness. In this family's experience, one can see the damage from the initial "earthquake" as the symptoms of the illness start to show and then through the book, we can follow the fault lines as the crack widens and grows, impacting each family member and those around them, like landmarks initially devastated by the tremors.
The book is interesting but for me it was somewhat repetitive and dragging in places. I think it would have been helpful if the reader could have heard more from Mia's perspective as well. I can't quite explain why this book doesn't hit me much emotionally but I almost think it's way too matter of fact. You get facts, details, sort of how the illness presented clinically but the emotions, the messy stuff feels subdued. Still, one can see it's a valuable book and informs the reader of just how quickly certain illnesses can show themselves, seemingly out of nowhere.
I
This book is a sobering and solid read. Sobering because it deals with the serious topic of mental illness; solid because though the individuals (Mia and Patrick) are strong, so is mental illness. In this family's experience, one can see the damage from the initial "earthquake" as the symptoms of the illness start to show and then through the book, we can follow the fault lines as the crack widens and grows, impacting each family member and those around them, like landmarks initially devastated by the tremors.
The book is interesting but for me it was somewhat repetitive and dragging in places. I think it would have been helpful if the reader could have heard more from Mia's perspective as well. I can't quite explain why this book doesn't hit me much emotionally but I almost think it's way too matter of fact. You get facts, details, sort of how the illness presented clinically but the emotions, the messy stuff feels subdued. Still, one can see it's a valuable book and informs the reader of just how quickly certain illnesses can show themselves, seemingly out of nowhere.
I
May 19, 2023
I have a love-hate relationship with this book. I've struggled with mental illness for the better part of my life, and I know firsthand how difficult it is to get a proper diagnosis and a good doctor (40+ years later I'm still searching). That being said, forgive me if I get a little salty about how after only a few relapses she finally gets a perfect diagnosis (paying out of pocket to fly to Harvard for a private consult, seriously?) and medication fixes it and they live happily ever after with her medical bills paid! It's difficult to swallow for myself having had to declare bankruptcy years ago and he just writes a 10k check to settle a 30k bill?
This family is incredibly privileged and good for them, but it doesn't make for a very realistic take on such a devastating disease.
This family is incredibly privileged and good for them, but it doesn't make for a very realistic take on such a devastating disease.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 25, 2022
fyi this audiobook is more than 8 pages - it is about 20 chapters or so? Anyway, I listened to this audiobook because it is narrated by Raul Esparza, and I have listened to many books he has narrated.
No one can know what it is like to go through this exact thing so I tried to experience is through the storytelling and listen to this person's perspective. Mental health is still under such stigma and the story is fascinating for many reasons.
The author is right that he/they had a very hard time, extremely difficult, but also that for people who do not have access or money for good health care, the consequences could be even more dire.
It is not an easy tale; however, it is well written and well narrated.
No one can know what it is like to go through this exact thing so I tried to experience is through the storytelling and listen to this person's perspective. Mental health is still under such stigma and the story is fascinating for many reasons.
The author is right that he/they had a very hard time, extremely difficult, but also that for people who do not have access or money for good health care, the consequences could be even more dire.
It is not an easy tale; however, it is well written and well narrated.
October 5, 2022
This is a searingly honest account of one family's journey through the experience of mental illness. Beautifully and passionately written, respectful to all involved in that journey, at times heartbreaking, at times redemptive.
This book should be a must-read for everyone working or training to work in the field of mental healthcare, in whatever capacity, helping them to understand how their actions and reactions towards the ill person impact on a whole network of others. It will be a painful and yet ultimately uplifting read also for people who have experienced mental illness or have close friends or family who have that experience.
Actually, everyone should read this book. We all have a part in this journey.
This book should be a must-read for everyone working or training to work in the field of mental healthcare, in whatever capacity, helping them to understand how their actions and reactions towards the ill person impact on a whole network of others. It will be a painful and yet ultimately uplifting read also for people who have experienced mental illness or have close friends or family who have that experience.
Actually, everyone should read this book. We all have a part in this journey.
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