The Way We Survive: Notes on Rape Culture

by Catriona Morton

Sexual violence is an epidemic happening across all intersections of society, impacting every one of us. In the aftermath of the #MeToo and Time's Up movements, a cultural conversation has been ignited about the prevalence, immediate impact and long-term effects that sexual violence has on people. It has begun conversations on sexism, misogyny, consent and trauma. From the entertainment industry to governments; from India to the USA, people are beginning to listen to the pain survivors have been living with forever.

Bringing her voice to the fore, in The Way We Survive, Catriona Morton offers up a cultural critique of rape culture in the UK, along with personal, intimate insights into how survivors live with and cope in the aftermath of such a violation.

Writing from her own experiences and those she has met through her podcast and her work as an activist, Catriona will approach topics of consent and education, the mental and physical health of survivors, the cultural shift concerning attitudes surrounding sexual violence, the impact of politics and governmental cuts to survivors in the UK as well as the realities of subjects such as dating and reclaiming sexuality in the aftermath of sexual violence.

With unflinching honesty and surprising moments of humor, Catriona wants to change the narrative around survivors, and to force us to reconsider the ways in which we talk about surviving sexual violence.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Abuse

304 pages, Paperback

First published July 13, 2021

Reviews

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

None of my words will do this book justice as a review but this was a searingly honest book that is very much needed.

[Samantha Margetson · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly insightful summary of how we are in today's mess regarding sexual inequality and bureaucracy. There are parts of this book that gave me such relief to have captured what very many feel but few can accurately describe.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the absolute honour of working with Catriona as they wrote this book and their dedication, commitment, knowledge and essence shines through on every page. This book is a fantastic example of the importance of survivors reclaiming the narrative of what it means to survive - the good, bad and devastatingly ugly. Catriona writes in a way that is both accessible and breathtakingly powerful. I would recommend this book to everyone but especially to those who have experienced sexual violence (whether recently or historically) as there were moments when I reading thoughts I had never known possible to vocalise. I would also recommend this book to anyone passionate about change or looking to support a loved one, it will become your foundation.

[Lauren Carruthers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw and honest as fuck. Resonated deeply with some of my own experiences but there were elements I disagreed with entirely too. That's fine. This is a book about one lens of an experience, it's not a manual.

An important read though. Absolutely worth the time to sit with it.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's a special kind of relief you feel when you read a book which eloquently articulates all your thoughts and feelings on a subject close to your heart.

[AngryGlitterWitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't expect this book to make me feel so seen but wow. It felt like a big, trauma-informed (consensual!) hug from the author. They definitely projected the feeling of the "undercurrent of understanding" between survivors they mention in C10 throughout the book.

Hands down the most thoughtful book I've read on s*xual violence but Morton also never pulls punches when it comes to the realities of being a survivor-victim (and gods love them for not spouting the whole "omg fierce warrior survivor goddess" schtick).

For survivors, there is a lot of gentle understanding and sensitively balanced trigger warnings throughout, but obviously it's still a rough read for anyone who's been through this sort of violence. I loved it; I've recommended it to some of my fellow survivor friends already.

It's essential reading for anyone who has ever thought survivors make too much fuss, or maybe they just regret experiences and label them later etc etc. Also for anyone who loves a survivor (romantically/platonically/familiarly) but finds it hard to grasp the world we live in, because Morton does a great job at explaining some fairly unexplainable experiences.

As they put it in the final chapter: "For everyone else reading this who doesn't consider themselves a survivor - thank you. I hope you've found some illumination into what it's like living in this world as a survivor. I hope you feel moved to try and change it for us."

I hope a lot of people read this, whatever their reasons for doing so.

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an important book.

[Clara · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was a difficult read, but oh so powerful and therapeutic.

As individual Catriona's experience of sexual assault and violence is, a lot of her feelings and reactions exactly mirrored mine.
When I came forward with my experience of sexual violence, no one believed me. Ensued months of doubts, of gaslighting that made me lose my mind. Although I am now confident in talking about my experience, this book made me feel seen, heard, and understood. Which is more than I've experienced since it occurred.

It is a necessary read, not just for survivors and their support system, but for anyone living in this world. It is a glimpse into what surviving sexual violence is like - even though words can only describe an extent that will never encompass the entire live reality of victim-survivors.
It is also an essay diving into sexism and rape culture, how it pervades our society, and how much more work needs to be done to tackle sexual violence issues and hope for a better world for victim-survivors, and potential ones.

[Shane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a SA survivor so this was an important read. I learned how how the process of going to the police can do more harm than good for the victim, which is really fucked up. Society needs to do better. Men need to do better. Cops need to do better.

[Leia Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was raw, candid, and brutal, but whilst providing an abundance of information into rape culture. It guides you through the realities of survivors and the circumstances they are faced with, and encourages you to think introspectively about the system. As a survivor, there were so many elements of this book I related to and allowed me to feel seen. This book is essential reading.

[marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

i‘m so glad i picked this up, not only as it was educational in many different ways but it also helped me personally. it‘s a tough read, no question, but an important and amazing one nonetheless! all i can say is thank you for writing this

[Karolina Piskorz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel so bad leaving a 2-star review as this is an incredibly important subject, but the language this book is written in is so tiring and disturbing.

I’m leaving this as DNF after this sentence: “I admit some days I’m a bad feminist: I go outside knowing I look good”. No thank you 🤷🏻‍♀️

[sinepudore · Rating 4 out of 5]

What comes with my condition, my pain or whatever we wil call it on a given day, is the looming spectre of impostor syndrome. Yet another syndrome- a syndrome of a syndrome of a syndrome. An impostor on pain - the worst kind of intrusion one could make.
#quote

[Emily Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is an honour to know Catriona. If every person on earth could read this book, the world would be a much better place

[Pauline · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most difficult books I've ever read, but so so important.

[Geertrui De Paepe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Heel hard verhaal. Soms wat langdradig en te veel details.

[Finley Sharman · Rating 5 out of 5]

honestly did more for my understanding on how i’ve internalised being a survivor than my therapist so far. genuinely would recommend to those who are survivors and victims of sexual violence.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Plus qu'une autobiographie, Catriona nous livre un essai sur la culture du viol avec une dimension historique, sociologique et raciale. Ce sujet est tellement générationnel, important et omniprésent dans notre société qu'on ne peut l'ignorer. Dans cette autobiographie, on retrouve l'histoire de Catriona qui a vécu une succession de viols/violences depuis son enfance à sa vie d'adulte et ses différentes phases psychologiques, physiques, morales et émotionnelles qu'elle a traversées et qu'elle continue de traverser.

Ce que j'ai aimé c'est sa transparence en tant que victime de viol mais surtout en tant que femme. Dans son récit, Catriona fait en sorte de ne marginaliser personnes y compris ceux assis sur le banc des coupables et ça ce n'est pas donné à tout le monde bien qu'elle appuie son discours par des arguments académiques.

Lisez cette autobiographie ou essai avec parcimonie mais lisez-le car nous sommes tous concernés

« Society will not change overnight. Cruel men, cruel people and, most importantly, the cruel society that made them will not disappear tomorrow. All we can do is try to make things better, kinder. All we can do is care for one another, and I hope that this book will help in the movement to do that. All that matters is to care: for yourself, for those you love, and for the change that will come. »