Making Room for Her: Biblical Wisdom for a Healthier Relationship with Your Mother-In-Law or Daughter-In-Law

by Barbara Reaoch, Stacy Reaoch

Maybe you’re a bride-to-be who is about to gain a mother-in-law. Or perhaps you’re a mother-of-the-groom who is about to gain a daughter-in-law. Or maybe you’ve been in an in-law relationship for decades, one that’s been struggling in painful tension for years. No matter your age or stage, every daughter-in-law and mother-in-law needs help navigating their relationship sometimes.
 
Whether the struggle is one of feeling unseen, unheard, or unvalued, authors and in-laws Barbara and Stacy Reaoch have been there, and as they’ve put the Bible’s wisdom to practice over the years, they’ve found that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law really can thrive in the midst of difficulty.
 
In this biblical, practical, and heartfelt book, Barbara and Stacy Reaoch share from their own 20 years of forming a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law bond. As you walk alongside them in their own journey and lessons learned, prepare to be encouraged and equipped in these With the Bible as your foundation and this book as a helpful companion in the journey, take a healthier relationship with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law is closer than you think!
 

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Marriage, Faith

208 pages, Paperback

Published February 8, 2022

About the author

Barbara Reaoch says, "Nothing thrills me more than to see the great truths of the gospel change kids lives. I love to give adults tools to disciple the next generation. I want every parent and teacher to know that God's Word has power to enable their children to discover the joy of loving God."

Teaching cross-culturally changed Barbara’s perspective. She says, "Living overseas I learned in a new way that God's Word can reach children in every situation. No matter what reasons people think they cannot disciple their children - they can! I've seen the power of God's Word help children around the world — from Africa to Asia, India to the Alps, poor or rich. Whatever the challenge - God has given parents the privilege and power to reach their children with the transforming truth of his Word."

Barbara and her husband lived in Michigan before moving to Cape Town, South Africa, to teach Bible Study Fellowship classes. They also worked with the Rafiki Foundation to train young women in job and life skills. With her grandchildren far away, Barbara began to write Bible studies for them to bridge the distance. She drew her first two books, “Why Easter” and “Why Christmas" from those studies. Barbara’s most recent book is “A Jesus Christmas.”

After returning to the US, Barbara directed the Children’s Division of Bible Study Fellowship International. Barbara now lives in Minneapolis, MN, where she is learning to love snow again! She and her family are privileged to be a part of the wonderful body of believers at Bethlehem Baptist Church.

Reviews

[Sophie Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

The idea for this book is such a good one and so needed. However, this book read to me a little too idealistic. I really (!!!) wish it was more practical and gave more emphasis on relationships with in-laws who aren’t believers. Like, it’s wonderful that you can be incredibly vulnerable with your in-law and know they have your best interest at heart and will counsel you wisely from Scripture and intercede for you in prayer day and night, but that’s not everyone’s story, and, if it’s not, this book might actually be more of a discouragement than help.

The chapter on conflict was gospel-y, in the sense that we should sacrifice preferences for others, but I didn’t feel there was any help given for the times when someone is to glorify the Lord by *not* sacrificing convictions and what is right. I didn’t feel like there was help for establishing and holding boundaries in a way that was loving and demonstrated the gospel.

[Another_Book_to_Ponder]

This book is not just for those having issues!

Let me start by saying I feel I have a great relationship with my DIL. I would hope she feels the same. I read this book to see if I could glean anything to make it even better or to see if there was anything to head off for the future. My son and Daughter in Love have been married 7 years this month. So on the MIL front. I have had a strained relationship with my MIL off and on but she has always been a huge support through the years. Devastatingly, she developed Alzheimer’s and lived with us for approx 2 years and we all made the decision to move her into a care home. Very hard decision but she was so excited. It has been 2 years now and she is still liking it. My compassion for her continues to grow and I feel our relationship has changed again.

My thoughts on this book… I feel this book can give you insights you might not have considered if you are having issues and regardless of if you are having issues it provides helps to develop a deeper relationship or the relationship you want. With any book there are things that we each feel stir us to make changes and occasionally we bristle at things. I really try to not let those bristles keep me from what God wants me to learn. I try to highlight those things and come back to them another time. Maybe I’m not ready to hear them? I don’t let it keep me from learning more about myself and others…

I received a complimentary ARC of this book from NetGalley on behalf of the Publisher and was under no obligation to post a favorable review.

[Emily Serven · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book! I just finished it and am thinking about who I could invite to read this book with me as a study. There are excellent, thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter. I heard of this book when a friend posted an article (excerpt) from The Gospel Coalition on Facebook. I appreciate that this book focuses totally on the condition of one’s own heart, versus the current family circumstances or conditions of one’s mother in law. I have been married 10 years and have often asked older Christian women for counsel with regards to my relationships with in-laws and I feel like I was often told about boundaries and readjusting expectations and “you don’t need to be best friends with your mother-in-law.” But this books really gets to the heart of the matter and addresses issues of sanctification and honoring God in the opportunities he allows, instead of making excuses.

[Helena Harned · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated Barbara and Stacy's honest personal perspectives and true stories from other mothers- and daughters-in-law. Thought-provoking anecdotes encourage readers in whichever stage to stand in the others' shoes as to how a gesture could come across. They set a high Biblical bar for delight and sacrifice in in-law relationships. This book is actionable, so I will be going back through parts of it more slowly. The anecdotes are thought-provoking, encouraging someone in whichever stage to stand in the others' shoes as to how a gesture could come across.

[Geetha Chandran · Rating 5 out of 5]

i wanted to learn how to be a better, MIL, i learnt so much more - about myself, forgivenss, memories, love, patience, making new memories, thanks to Gods love for us. Recommended for all family and friend long term relationships .
paper back( gift voucher for speaking at trinity women )

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best way to describe my experience of reading this book is like Eustace's transformation to a dragon and back in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It was painful at parts, left me raw at parts, but was ultimately for my good. I have a lot of room to grow, and this book's advice has given me a good place to start. If your in-law relationship isn't what you thought it would be, read this book and let the process of change start with you.

[Sarah Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful and needed book— soaked in Scripture, exhortation to prayer, and encouragement! I love the added feature of discussion questions at the end of each chapter— this would be a great one to read in a group of women of all ages who want to love their in-laws well.

It strikes me that this relationship is often overlooked in the flurry of getting married. I wish I had had this gem of wisdom when I was a newlywed!

Definitely recommend.

[Shae Althoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a good book by a Minneapolis MIL/DIL duo. Love how it can be read to deepen my understanding of women relationships in the Bible. Enjoyed hearing how the same topics (ie holidays) can be understood from two viewpoints. Not only a read in a weary relationship- but the book can continue to strengthen even a strong MIL/DIL bond.

[Emily J · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend

[Alexa Rutledge · Rating 3 out of 5]

Worth the read for navigating challenging or difficult in-law relationships. The authors provide many convicting questions and considerations for both MILs and DILs.

[Chesney Weatherford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many reviews have stated that this book feels too idealistic, especially in the sense that it focuses on relationships where both parties are believers and have the other’s best interests at heart. I cannot deny this aspect of the book, although I will say in its defense that it does pause at different points to acknowledge that not every MIL/DIL relationship consists of two Christians, and provides some brief advice for those in that situation.

Also, I believe the book does not dwell on providing guidance specifically for those scenarios because the premise of the book is that the reader is seeking biblical wisdom for navigating these relationships; it assumes the reader is a believer and as a believer, you are called to treat your MIL/DIL biblically-lovingly- regardless of whether they share your faith and have selfless motives in their interactions with you. The book’s biblical advice should still apply in either circumstance.

While I acknowledge the book may not offer thorough reflections on in law relationships that are specifically labeled as that of unbelievers, I really enjoyed its encouragement to consider others’ perspectives and to practice loving others as Jesus in every relationship - even the sometimes difficult in law relationships. It examined a lot of causes of conflict and how to approach those biblically. It was a smooth read and I can see myself rereading it years from now for renewed inspiration in loving my in laws - and my neighbors - in a way that honors Christ.

[Toni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I purchased a copy of this for myself and one for my MIL after some Christmas expectations were unmet and led to a big blowup. I really enjoyed this book. Because the authors are in their own mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship, they were able to paint both perspectives in the book. It helped me understand my MIL’s perspective but also validated some of my feelings about wanting to establish my own core family unit and build memories and traditions in my core family with my husband and kids. Even though my own conflict with my MIL led to hurt on both sides, this book helped me soften my heart from the pain I felt and ultimately reminded me that harboring resentment about things in the past would not do anyone any good. It helped me learn to forgive and show love and grace towards my MIL, in spite of the pain.

Ultimately, this book helps to move you closer towards Jesus and what God wants from us. I think every MIL and DIL should read this in order to better understand how to meet the needs of each other in a healthy way.

[Kari Schooley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish this book existed 30 years ago (when I got married) as it is a well-balanced perspective for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to improve their relationships with each other. This book is written from a Christian lens and gives biblical insight into both roles.

[Emma Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this book can be applied to any relationship in a Christian’s life. The specific in-law examples and the discussion questions are great! Very Scripture heavy.

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good practical advice. It has a variety of examples, some apply to me and some don’t. I imagine that will be with everyone. I do recommend it.