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Kindle Edition
Published September 7, 2021
“The club girls were talking about her. They think she hurt herself on purpose. A doctor turned up here earlier.”
I clench my fists and stamp my feet. It’s a childish thing to do, but I’m so frustrated, and I learnt it from a therapy group I once attended.
“Nice. Are you gonna throw yourself on the ground next?” I start at the sound of Storm’s deep voice.
“I’m only asking so I can film it. ‘Grown woman throwing a tantrum’ will be a hit on the internet.”
“You like the pain, don’t you?” he asks, keeping hold of my arm.
“You sit amongst people’s unwanted waste?” I ask, arching my brow.
“No, I sit in that,” he says, pointing to a rundown caravan. The tyres are flat, and it’s rusting on the outside.
“Don’t be ashamed of struggling. We all do stupid shit when we get hurt.”
“She’s an amazing sister. She took him on when I had to go away for a while.” “Where to?” I ask. He hesitates before eventually saying, “Prison.”
He glares at me, his chest heaving up and down. “You stupid bitch, what the hell were you thinking?”
“I can’t stop myself from wanting you,” he mutters. “Then don’t,” I whisper back. “We’re not good for each other,” he says. “Let’s think about the serious stuff tomorrow. Right now, let’s distract ourselves. I need distracting so fucking bad.”
“You carry condoms for safety but not a fully charged mobile,” he mutters, shaking his head.
“You slept with a lot of men?” he asks.
“None of your business,” I say. I
“Sleep now, butterfly.” It feels good to have her snuggled against me. It’s that same feeling I used to get when Laura would lie in bed next to me— the constant buzzing noise in my head has gone and I feel settled. My eyes drift closed.
I love outdoor sex— the riskier, the better— and as I lie back on the grass, watching Lottie ride me like a fucking queen, I’m happier than I’ve been in months.
“Lake, you’re not my keeper,” snaps Lottie. “I can do what I like.” “There’s a fucking code,” he yells back. “He broke it.”
I push my hands against the wall to steady myself as Storm slams into me over and over.
“You’re not fucking stripping for other men like some kinda whore, Lottie. It’s not happening.”
“Me or the job, that’s your choice,” he hisses, holding up Vinn’s business card.
He stares at me with hope in his eyes. “I’m a mess,” he says. “I don’t know if I can be the man you need.” I take his hand. “Let’s be a mess together.”
“Not anymore,” says Storm. “No ol’ lady of mine is getting her tits out for other men to look at.” There’s a few audible gasps from the women in the room. “At last, someone talking sense,” mumbles Lake.
“Have some respect for yourself and for me. What will people say if I let you strip?” snaps Storm.
“Then we can’t be together,” I say, “if you can’t accept my decision.”
Lake scoffs. “Didn’t you fuck your way through other MC clubs?” I gasp. “No, why would you think I did?” “Impression I got. Weren’t you hanging out with Cobras when you got brought back here?”
“You did it,” he mumbles. “I asked you not to, and you did it anyway. I’m done.” He stands on wobbly legs as Riggs steadies him. “Let’s go,” he adds.
(SEX CLUBWHORE) I just need to feel him beside me, so I head straight for his room. I push his door and stick my head in, freezing as my eyes land on the figure next to him. I flick on the light, and he covers his eyes with his arm, groaning. One of the club girls sits up, the covers falling away to reveal her naked chest. I arch my brow. “What the fuck?” I yell.
“I was gonna pack the job in. I was coming in here to apologise,” I shout.
I’m here watching Seb, and you’re hitting the bottle and fucking whores.
“I’m sorry for what I did,” I begin. “For getting blind drunk? For turning up at my job two nights running? For sleeping with someone the first chance you got?”
“I can’t sit here and tell you Lucy meant nothing. She was my world, and I loved her so hard. Losing her was the most painful thing I ever went through and I’m barely out alive. I started drinking more after that. Taya had to come in and take over with Seb cos I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know fuck all about sensory overload or meltdowns.
“Then I met Laura. Things got better for a while, but she didn’t like me drinking. She hated my possessive streak, and wouldn’t listen to why I tracked her phone or turned up where she was. She saw it as stalking, while I saw it as love because I wanted back what I had with Lucy.
“This your ex?” whispers Lottie, and I nod. “She’s not what I was expecting,” she adds, arching a brow. “What were you expecting?” “Someone a little less,” she pauses to think of the right word, “trophy wife.”
“I’m just wondering why you turned up here when you’re not allowed to be around Storm,” Frankie blurts out.
“I’m a psycho, right?” She scoffs. “A guy pays me a smidgen of attention and I’m planning the fucking wedding. What’s wrong with me?”
“Let’s make a deal. I’ll try not to cause drama. I’ll try and help with Seb and Storm, and if it all goes wrong, I’ll leave. I don’t want to be the reason Seb has to move again, so I’ll go. I promise.”
He finds my tin and holds it up. “It’s very easy. Get rid of this.” I try to take it from him, but he holds it above his head, making it impossible. He grips my chin hard and glares at me. “No more,” he hisses. “No fucking more.”
Taking my tin was like unplugging my life support— I can’t cope knowing it isn’t there, and I feel my heartbeat thumping in my chest.
“I need the tin,” I mutter.
“Fuck, Lottie—” he begins, but I cut in. “Not because I want to do it, but because it makes me feel safe having it around. It’s in my head, I know that, but I feel better knowing it’s there. The nurse told me to keep clean sharps, so if you take that tin and I break, I’ll use anything and that’s not good.”
The doctor made him see that his relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy. She’s given him some coping strategies to try before our next meeting in a week’s time.
“Butterfly, I don’t think that, and I definitely don’t hate you. I’m so mad right now, but not with you, with the bastards who laid their hands on you, on my beautiful butterfly. I want to hunt them down and rip them apart. I just wish you’d told me.”
“Why are you getting so mad? I just want us to slow down, take one day at a time.” “I don’t go slow, baby, in case you hadn’t noticed.” He sighs heavily. “I need to be away from you right now.”
”Is he okay?” I repeat. “No thanks to you. Get out of my sight before I do something I’ll fucking regret,” he snaps, before turning his back to me and pulling the curtain into place.
“I was asleep. How could I have hurt Seb?”
“Tell me, butterfly, how the fuck did my seven-year-old kid find your dirty fucking blade when I hid that away?” “I’m so sorry,” I murmur.
He swoops down, picking up the bloodied blade. “You want it so badly, fucking have it,” he yells, throwing it to my feet. “Make it count,” he growls.
“Lake is devastated. She’s talking about leaving London.” “Probably for the best,” I mutter, stroking Seb’s hand. “You really think that?”
“In a way, she has. If Seb hadn’t found her shit, I wouldn’t be here now realising how badly I want to be his dad. Maybe it was all to lead us to this point.” We fall silent for a few minutes before I add, “She been okay though?”
“She doesn’t have a kid, Storm. People don’t think about stuff like that when they haven’t had kids around. You knew she had issues when you decided to claim her. Are you going back on that now?”
I shrug. “It’s for the best. She’s right— we’re both too fucked up to be happy together. I need to concentrate on Seb from now on.”
“Are you going to tell her it’s over?” she asks. “I think she got that memo already,” I respond, “but sure, I’ll go see her.”
“He’s got an infection, he’s on a lot of pain meds, and he lost a lot of blood, so they’re keeping him in until he shows signs he’s improving.”
“I’ve got some friends in Liverpool. I’m gonna head there for a while, then probably move on.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t really know after that.”
I place my hand over hers to stop her packing, but she flinches so I withdraw it quickly. She’s fucking scared of me, and now I feel like an even bigger arsehole. “Butterfly, I—” “Please,” she whispers, turning to look me in the eye. That’s when I see the finger bruises on her chin, and I wince.
She pulls up her other sleeve to reveal the large bruises I caused. “If these are what you’re looking for, then here,” she snaps, shoving her arm in my face. “But I deserved it.”
“Butterfly,” I begin, and she squeezes her eyes shut before sighing. “Please stop calling me that,” she whispers.
“I’m gonna be fine, Storm. I survived before you and I’ll survive after you.” Bently jumps up on her bed, and she smiles, rubbing his neck affectionately.
1 Year Later
(OW) As I turn to walk away, I spot Emily leaning against her car parked directly behind my bike. Her kid goes to this school too. She looks hot in a summer dress and boots. “You waiting for me?” I ask.
(SEX OW) “I don’t have to be in work for another half-hour,” she says, raising her brow suggestively. “Meet you at the club?” she adds, opening her car door. I smirk, throwing my leg over the bike.
(SEX OW)I don’t give Emily enough time to answer because we’re already taking the stairs two at a time. I slam the bedroom door, and she tugs at my belt. We’ve been hooking up for weeks, but I’m starting to notice the way she looks at me— it’s with a longing for something more, something I can’t give her.
“What the hell?” She whispers, “You had a daughter?” I nod. “No fucking way,” snaps Lake. “You had a fucking kid and didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t find out until I was five months, and then I could never find the right time. I was worried you’d make me come back to the club.”
It’s taken a year to track down every member of the gang involved in the paedophile ring that Lottie was groomed by when she was a teenager.
“I can’t keep this from him, Lottie. It’s too big. He’s my brother,” Lake continues.
(OW) “I don’t think it’s serious. It’s only been a few weeks, but she’s nice. I think she’s into him. They both have kids, so maybe it won’t make a difference,” says Sara, shrugging.
(SEX OW) The door is open, and I stop in my tracks when I spot Storm with his jeans around his ankles and a woman on her knees practically choking on his erection. I gasp, which gets his attention, and when his eyes land on me, he visibly scowls. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he growls.
“I’ll get someone to come get you,” Storm mutters to his lady friend.
(OW) “Blade’s gonna come and take you back to the club,” he says, gently taking the woman by the back of the neck and pulling her to him so he can kiss her. I avert my eyes again. He looks really into her, and I can’t help the stab of jealousy. Since him, there’s been no one. It took me this long to stop crying every time I remembered what happened to Seb.
“So,” he mutters coldly, “what did you wanna talk about that’s not been important enough for the last year?”
“And I don’t want it to change anything. I’m telling you because Lake said I had to, but I don’t expect anything from you. In fact, I’m quite happy to go back to my life and never see you again,” I add. Storm sighs impatiently. “After I left—”
“Again, who is your friend?”
“Fuck me. You remember Charlotte? Fucked-up kid. We called her ‘Irish’.”
“That’s why I came to see you. Elsie is our daughter, Storm. She’s yours.”
“But like I started to say earlier before these idiots showed up, I don’t expect anything from you and I’ll happily go back to my life. Lake said I had to tell you—”
“No, probably not.” “You fucking selfish bitch,” he mutters, turning away from me. “I thought it was best for all of us,” I explain. “We were so messed up.”
“We were too toxic together. I’d probably still be self-harming and you’d be drinking. Lake said you’ve stopped. That’s really great, by the way.”
But I can’t deny that when I found out you were back in London, I wanted to drink again. You’re right, we’re not good for each other, but just cos we have a kid doesn’t mean we have to be together.
(OW) I’ve got a new life now. Maybe things will work out with Emily. Who knows? But they didn’t work out with us, and there’s no point raking over it all again. We’ll get out of here and meet up to discuss co-parenting and shit,” he says, and my eyes widen.
“Butterfly, don’t go to sleep. Talk to me,” I say, kneeling beside her. “I’m not your butterfly,” she whispers, smiling sadly. “Not anymore.”
“Storm . . . she has a pink stuffed elephant. She can’t sleep without it. She likes the movement of the car when she can’t settle. And she hates waiting for her morning feed, so be on that shit right away.” She gasps, and I squeeze her hand harder in panic.
“You don’t understand,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. “I’ve never been apart from her, and now, it’s been four days. I have to see her.” “Now you know how I feel not seeing her for the first three months of her life,” he snaps.
Anna gently places her hand on my shoulder. “Storm, let her pass. She’s been through enough.”
(OW) “I’ve missed you so much,” I mumble against her. “I love you.” A woman, the one from the caravan, steps into the room from the bathroom and stops when she sees me. “Does Storm know you’re up here?” she asks, glancing at the door. I nod, swiping at my tear-stained face. “I’m her mum,” I explain. “I know,” she says, “but he said not to let anyone in.”
(OW) Storm catches her hand in his as they pass, and they share a brief kiss. I stare down at Elsie, ignoring the squeeze to my heart.
“I thought you were gonna die,” he mutters, taking a seat on the end of his bed. “It would have worked out better for you if I had,”
“I never asked for any of this,” I snap. “I wanted to go home and live my life, but I had to lie to keep you all from going to prison. I didn’t ask you to get involved, so why did you go after Ali and those men?”
“It doesn’t matter. You have your life too. It’s why I never wanted to tell you, but Lake made me and now look.” I suck in a breath.
“Nothing’s ever simple with us, is it?” I add. “We attract drama. I don’t miss that.”
“She can’t wait to get out of here,” I say. “If it wasn’t for Lake, I wouldn’t even know about Elsie.”
“Do you blame her, brother? Man, she came back to see you and within an hour she was handcuffed in a room by a man who molested her as a kid.”
“Who the hell would I meet here, Storm? Everyone’s got an ol’ lady, and those who haven’t, are single for very good reasons.” “I haven’t got an ol’ lady,” I say, feigning insult.
(OW) The women talk, but my attention keeps going back to Storm and the way he’s got his arm possessively around Emily’s shoulder.
If he claims Emily, I’ll be the outsider, not her. I spin into a hard chest. I feel the taut muscles under my hands, and my eyes eventually look up into Vinn’s. “Well, well, well, the wanderer returns,” he says with a smirk.
“He’s with his girlfriend. He’s not interested in me,” I whisper.
“Dance with me,” he says, slowly turning us until I see Storm’s face full of anger, staring directly at where Vinn’s hands squeeze my arse. “Can you imagine what he’d do if I tipped you back like this,” he adds, dipping me back slightly. I grip his shoulders, staring wide into his mischievous eyes. “And kissed you.”
He chuckles. “It’s fun to see them explode. They know they can’t touch me and it makes it even more satisfying.”
“Because I’m untouchable, farfalla,” I frown at his Italian word, and he grins before standing me back straight. “Butterfly,” he explains. “Thank you for the dance.”
Anna laughs. “He has that effect on women. He’s a modern day Casanova.”
“We messed things up every time,” I mutter. “We had so many chances and we always fucked it up.” “We can’t regret it. We have Elsie.”
Fucking her in the bathroom of Vinn’s club was not the way I wanted to get back with Lottie, but shit happens, and I couldn’t control myself around her for a minute longer.