Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

by Frederick Joseph

In this personal and poignant collection, the author of the New York Times bestseller The Black Friend examines the culture of masculinity through the lens of a Black man.

What does it mean to be a man today? How does the pervasive yet elusive idea of "toxic masculinity" actually reflect men's experiences--particularly those of color--and how they navigate the world?

In this thought-provoking collection of essays, poems, and short reflections, Frederick Joseph contemplates these questions and more as he explores issues of masculinity and patriarchy from both a personal and cultural standpoint. From fatherhood, and "manning up" to abuse and therapy, he fearlessly and thoughtfully tackles the complex realities of men's lives today and their significance for society, lending his insights as a Black man.

Written in Joseph's unique voice, with an intelligence and raw honesty that demonstrates both his vulnerability and compassion, Patriarchy Blues forces us to consider the joys, pains, and destructive nature of manhood and the stereotypes it engenders.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Essays, Social Justice, Memoir, Race, Gender

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 17, 2022

About the author

Frederick Joseph is a Yonkers, NY raised three-time New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. His books include a poetry collection, We Alive, Beloved, two books of nonfiction, Patriarchy Blues, and The Black Friend, a collaboration, Better Than We Found It, a children’s book, The Courage to Dream, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and his recent bestselling, Kirkus and Publisher’s Weekly Starred reviewed YA novel, This Thing of Ours.

Reviews

[Reba Richie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kind of love how there was this subtle bait & switch... I'd heard about this book from a white woman on insta, saw that the author was a black man, and saw the title and thought we were all just going to lament the damage and destruction that patriarchy has inflicted on so many people. It didn't take long to realize that the essays are not just about patriarchy but also include the intersections of capitalism and white supremacy... and the gut check was absolutely towards the end when he tells stories of how white feminism is complicit in much of white supremacy. And I think I totally get it. Sadly. Good stuff. Thank you.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley and ​​Harper Perennial and Paperbacks, Harper Perennial for the copy of this book. I don’t read much nonfiction, but will always read a book by Frederick Joseph because I enjoy his thoughtful take on things. It took me some time to get into this book because at first I was thrown off by the format of essays, poems, and short reflections. I soon got used to it and found this book a treasure trove of insights. I especially like the stories about what he learned from his mother. If you want a thought-provoking book, this is perfect for you.

[melbutnotgibson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very interesting and had some great essays as well as perspective on the pressures and injustices of the patriarchal society. That being said, the writing felt more like someone ranting in a Facebook comment section, opposed to a educational and rational debate.

This isn’t bad by any means, it just needs more time to be worked on. Because if someone was picking this up for the first time, while being ignorant of any gender study or knowledge of patriarchal discrimination, they would probably feel like they were being preached at. Which is NOT how to reach ignorant people.

Thanks to Harper Collins Publisher for sending this ARC copy via my work at Underground Books.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Millennial poet and essayist ponders the patriarchy, white supremacy and feminism within the context of his own life.

"We are on the precipice of a global reckoning about racism, sexism, ableism, classism, etc."

Hmmm, who knew I could still harbor youthful exuberance at my age. I had similar thoughts... Very good, well written and thoughtful.

4+ Stars

Read on kindle

[Michael B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was only casually familiar with Frederick Joseph from his social media presence. I didn't think our political views were fully aligned, but I respected his approach to expressing his views as such an aware young cat. I've also maintained an appreciation for his philanthropy and genuine compassion for others. I was pleasantly surprised to discover this title release and expected it to be engaging. It did not disappoint. Quite beautifully written, I found Joseph's writing to be highly relatable, vastly insightful and deeply moving. It encouraged me as a Black man to honestly evaluate my life and interactions with others and inspires me to do better. The impact of this book should prove invaluable to many. Joseph's presence is invaluable to the world.

[Angelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

“𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐝... 𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐭.”

As a young Black man committed to racial justice and learning to champion intersectional feminism, it’s easy to lose sight of the ways that I've been socialized by the patriarchy. Of the ways toxic masculinity has conditioned my thoughts and actions. It's easy to absolve myself of guilt by forgetting the times in which I've been unconsciously, and sadly, consciously complicit in upholding the patriarchy, an oppressive system that is just as deeply rooted in white supremacy and homophobia as it is in misogyny.

𝑷𝒂𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒚 𝑩𝒍𝒖𝒆𝒔 by Frederick Joseph held the dirty mirror up to my face, forced me to look at myself, and reflect. Joseph lays his heart and mind bare in this vulnerable, searing assessment of the ways the patriarchy has shaped his life as well as the cultural landscape of our society. Through poems, essays, personal anecdotes, and realistic fiction, he shows how the patriarchy manifests itself in countless ways, and just about everyone is influenced by and upholds it, even those most oppressed. He covers so much, from the way men are taught to repress and express certain emotions, to patriarchal violence, how toxic masculinity affects parenthood, why men exert control & ownership over women's bodies, the unique oppression of Black women, the dangers of white feminism, & more.

I saw a few Goodreads reviews of this book that claim it felt "incomplete" or wish Joseph had conducted "more research.” For those reasons, the book did not resonate with them. Of course, these comments were left by white folks. This mindset invalidates the pain and humanity of those impacted by oppression, who have suffered through cycles of violence, trauma, and racism, and are often simultaneously navigating through poverty, but still have the strength and courage to speak up. Ignorant comments like these mean to say, “your voice and experiences don’t matter, but if you're reduced to a statistic, we MIGHT listen.” To this, I'll hold my tongue and simply say f*ck you.

I thought this book was beautiful. I particularly appreciated Joseph's indictment of Dave Chapelle's transphobia, who used to be my favorite comedian when I was younger, and his tribute to Chadwick Boseman, a true role model for positive masculinity.

[Marné Ream · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this. I really really did. I wanted to learn and be enlightened. This book felt choppy and incomplete in many ways. The essays feel like internet rants. Opinions and "facts" without the actual data to support or create a base background knowledge. The lack of information in the form of actually numbers, words, and evidence to support the authors beliefs felt like I should 1. Already have all the knowledge around cultural events because I've been alive through them and 2. That because I don't know all the details, I am somehow lesser than. The author's opinions are very strong and while he tries to convey being open and an advocate, he is often similarly judgemental to those he degrades. I appreciate his candor and see his perspectives, but would not recommend this book to someone looking to gain factual insight.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is composed of essays, poems, and letters that detail the complex, difficult, and nuanced experiences of the author’s interactions with the patriarchy. There is no topic uncovered. It might be hard for some to read since it confronts the truths we (generally, as a society) don’t like to talk about. But there will never be resolution or dismantling of the patriarchy if we don’t talk about these truths. Dismantling the patriarchy is like rolling a rock uphill; incredibly frustrating and harder to do alone. It is up to us to decide if we will help push the rock, or if we will grease the hill ahead. Frederick Joseph poses challenging questions to all of us. How can we afford not to listen?

[Dana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was super excited to read this book and almost bought it at the store. Then a few weeks later I saw it at the library’s new titles shelf and was so pumped. Unfortunately, this book really misses the mark for me. I guess I should have known that it is targeted towards men, but I’m really interested in the idea of men’s studies and feminism / anti patriarchy when it comes to ideas of masculinity. Unfortunately this reads like feminism 101 (or even less than that), convincing men to wade into the waters of feminism. I didn’t find it rigorous or visionary as the blurb promises. Probably a good book for a certain audience but at that point just read bell hooks. That’s what I’ll be doing.

[Saira Rao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patriarchy Blues is equal parts beautiful, poignant and smart as hell. My husband is reading it now - and I have more copies on the way that I plan to give to every dude I know. Can't recommend this book highly enough.

[Jennifer Treutle · Rating 5 out of 5]

You should absolutely read this book. Man, woman, non binary, everyone, but especially white women. Read it. Sit with it. Be convicted. "... find out not just what we are -- but what we may become."

[Sionainn Joseph · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up. I was hoping to rate this higher! Many of these essays were vulnerable and deeply impactful to read.

Unfortunately, I was uncomfortable with how much time a book with the aim of discussing why patriarchy is toxic spent stereotyping the different groups of women it addressed. Black women are presented here overwhelmingly as the martyrs for their community’s greater moral improvement, despite the author’s addition of some brief self-aware remarks about why that framing is less than desirable. White women are also criticized for their racism at a questionably higher rate than white men, which isn’t to downplay the validity or need for those discussions, but I take issue with how this unequal framing unnecessarily privileges white men by de-centering them as the primary perpetrators of violent repressive systems. Further, his assertion that sexism is somehow the lesser of two evils when compared with racism is unhelpful and anti-woman. It is simply not necessary to argue the negligibility of white women’s experiences under patriarchy in order to condemn how white femininity is weaponized in service of racist power.

Further, his choice to include an essay discussing how Europe is seemingly more racially progressive than the U.S. is very odd. Perhaps the large European metropoles he takes as his example are less explicitly anti-Black, but this essay conveniently ignores 1.) the geographical distance those living at the very heart of the colonial project enjoyed from the exploited peoples who generated the wealth and 2.) how racism operates along different ethnic lines in these countries for complex historical reasons and 3.) any discussion of class. As his own experiential anecdote, this lack of nuance is of course fine, but the essay had the weird pretensions of some sort of larger structural analysis. In fact, I’d say this book had a persistent problem with blurring the lines between structural analysis and raw lived experience that bordered on the phantasmic.

Overall, I’d say that when the author was addressing other men on the subject of masculinity, this book was really good, and that when he was addressing women, it was frankly clear why men should never be the leading voices on the subject of feminism.

[Alvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patriarchy Blue written by Fredrick Joseph was a great read to me. I was never bored or felt lectured while I was reading. Joseph's use of anecdotal stories strengthened his points and reminded me of instances in my life where I've read, experienced or felt what he was conveying in these pages. The subject matter is heavy and may require some readers to take breaks due to their own experiences but I never felt like it was too much.

In the beginning of the book Joseph opens with a quote by Fannie Lou Hamer, "Nobody's free until everybody's free." This quote serves as an introduction to the rest of the book. While the title suggests the primary focus of this book is the patriarchy he discusses how the patriarchy is linked to other forms of oppression such as white supremacy, homophobia, transphobia, classism and etc. I feel like this is needed and forces readers to examine the roles they play in upholding oppressive systems.

Another great point made by the author was that oppressed the oppressed may also be the oppressors. Read that again. Think about that. Truly digest what was being said here and examine how one can be privileged even though they may be oppressed in some ways. This can and has led to so much hurt.

I will say that this book is a lot. Because he references oppressive systems other than just the patriarchy in length I feel some readers may be turned away if they aren't prepared for it. I have consumed a lot of literature about the intersectionality of these issues so it was spot on for me.

Overall, I'd recommend this book to men and women that may not be able to articulate how the patriarchy has affected them or want to start unlearning the harmful behaviors we've been taught since birth.

[Laura Voss · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Must-Read!

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This deeply necessary book that reveals much about the patriarchy through Joseph's personal, emotional narratives. His honesty and frankness in discussing various intersectional topics relating to the patriarchy is thought-provoking and sticks with you after you place your bookmark. To top it off, we get beautifully lyrical poetry/passages weaved in as well. As a white woman, this book was something I needed to read, as the intersections of race and gender are thoroughly discussed. I listened to the audiobook, but I will be purchasing a copy to annotate and reflect upon deeper- Joseph's writing is that important.

[Sofia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patriarchy Blues, by Frederick Joseph, summarizes how our American, patriarchal society is exhibited in the modern world, explained through the lens of a black man. He discusses how prevalently race, class, and sexuality intertwine with misogyny, and how everyone does their part to uphold the repressive system. Joseph’s objective was to inform how the dominance of white men has influenced movements and behaviors, from white feminism to cat calling, and is used by everyone to ostracize others; I believe he fulfilled this objective, as he goes in depth of how each demographic of people is affected day to day by a male dominated system. For example,when discussing how homophobia plays a role, he explains that many men shy away from stereotypically gay activities that they may enjoy in order to appear “masculine”: “We are repressing our full selves in service of hatred against others” (Joseph 51%). Using such elaborations, he is able to convey his argument while shedding light on different perspectives.
Some themes mentioned in the book remind me of Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye; her novel touches on why the women of her story are consistently abused by men, explaining how those negatively impacted by the hierarchy tend to take their anger towards their oppressors out on those with less power such as their wives, thus perpetuating systemic injustice. Oppressors, cultivating division, reap the benefits of manipulating marginalized groups into harboring hatred for one another.
I imagine the intended audience for the book was mainly white Americans. As a white American, I feel that he does an excellent job at communicating the patriarchy in all its forms. However, I am aware that many white people tend to become incredibly defensive when the topic of racism and white oppressive systems are brought into conversation; this is even mentioned by Joseph when describing the reaction of many white people to his previous book. Because of this, I am not quite sure how the narrative was received amongst his target audience.
I liked the book and found it engaging, as I felt that it wove the author’s life experiences with those of his family and friends to paint a greater understanding of the issue at large: “A black man in a suit is no more protected from a white supremacist bullet than a black man in a hoodie . . . A black person who has money or education within white supremacist, capitalist, and patriarchal structures isn't indicative of systemic change . . . black excellence is a manifestation of black exceptionalism and does not lift any other black people out of the struggles they were born in” (Joseph 36%). I would definitely recommend the book to others; each issue was well-articulated and crafted in a way that could be understood to anyone who reads it: “ . . . the idea that some flowers are worth words such as “beautiful” while others are not . . . that only some flowers are worth time, love, appreciation and respect, is the very idea that is rotting this garden that has given us all life” (Joseph 19%).

[lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes it's hard to judge a book of essays because there will be some that are great, and some that are bad, and many that are just so-so, as was the case with this book. Many of the essays are extremely short, and many seem to rehash ideas that we have heard over and over again. The entire book feels like reading an impossibly long Twitter thread, one that keeps going until you leave it in pure impatience. However, just like a Twitter thread there was a good idea or two buried in the blustery pontification.

"Expectations and Shadows", "What Does a Black Person Owe This Country?", and "In the End (Letting Go Of Our Fathers)" were amazing pieces of writing I would recommend to anyone. The rest of the writing was ok, but it didn't feel necessary or interesting. Read it if you have the time, but I would recommend This Will Be My Undoing by Morgan Jerkins, Thick by Tressie McMillan Cottom, or Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall, before I would recommend this books. These books are better written, with fresher ideas, more interesting lives, and oh yeah, talk about patriarchy from a woman's perspective.

[Darren Dubose · Rating 5 out of 5]

To live in a world as a cisgender heterosexual man is to need to reinvent oneself. You see, I grew up not knowing love from any man outside of my uncle Juice and always looking to take from others to become safe. My life in a white supremacy world has been the epitome of chaos. I used to have a sharp sense of gratitude for being a man. Being excited to take girls undies, being upset to get whatever I desires and angrily fussing at my mom. Patriarchy Blues illustrates the damage that patriarchy has created in my life yet the world and the personal work that is necessary to become more than the the status quo.

Thank you, Fred for sharing the ways patriarch
impacts everyone from the interpersonal, to Black women, and the ways that others exacerbate poison. Everyone should read this book as everyone is guilty for the ways that patriarchy implodes our world!

[Kendall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been following Fred Joseph on social media for quite a few years now and I always turn to him when something happens to get his take because no matter how hard I try, I can never put myself in a Black persons shoes. I can only keep learning, keep listening and actively trying to do better. This book is written in a set of essays, letters and poems. He credits a lot of his understanding of the world to how his mother raised him, stand up for Black women and break the cycle that Black men may unknowingly perpetuate.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an early read of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

According to the Journal of Accountancy, in 2022, “…88.8% of CEOs, CFOs, and COOs in the…report are Caucasian, and 88.1% are men.” This, after a review of over 600 Fortune 500 and S&P 500 companies, is a data point that underscores the entire premise of Frederick Joseph’s Patriarchy Blues. Additionally, just under 30% of our nation’s highest representation are women. Racial disparity was indeed, a problem as well.
As recently as 1950, Congress was nearly entirely white. While the overall population has historically been somewhat balanced evenly between women and men, racial gaps have changed with global migration patterns. Neither demographic truly reaches solvency, in that representation % rarely matches or exceeds any population % of a marginalized group. All this is ideological brevity when making a case for a nation that is not only founded by but continued to be run by white men. Joseph contends that all our own views are based on “what we have learned, what we have been told, and what we have experienced.” In that case, it’s imperative to listen to shared experiences by marginalized groups through their lens. And many a common denominator leads to this: what has been wrought through the ages is the utter inferiority white men have placed on non-white male populations. Whether it is through legislation, economic structures, educational paradigms, condoned or unmitigated violence, religious dogma, or even masculine ethos and machismo; the populace has bent largely to the will of the white man. Joseph was blunt and unwavering in his assessment on the plight AND responsibility of manhood, how it inevitably intersects mindfulness of race, gender and even sexuality. When we fail to topple the patriarchy either by contributing to it purposefully or passively, we perpetuate it. His pensive thoughts, letters, and poetry addressed the shared personal trauma of an absentee father, the fractures among his own black culture, rape culture, childhood experiences with his mother, and racism, both overt and veiled. Society should have no choice but to listen to the screeds of a POC, they have spoken far too long, voices drowned out by a headlong wind at their face. And this is as good a place as any to start.

[Roger DeBlanck · Rating 3 out of 5]

Utilizing short essays, free-verse poems, and open letters, Joseph offers a heartfelt and passionate manifesto confronting patriarchal oppression, white supremacy, racism, misogyny, homophobia, and a gamut of other forms of bigotry. In taking on the truth of this overwhelming bulk of hatred haunting America, he also steers his activism towards advocacy for freedom, equality, inclusion, and justice.

I agree with everything he addresses in this book, and I admire his steadfast commitment to pursuing justice. However, I found these pieces overly conversational and too heavy with conceptual ideas. I wish he had provided more concrete examples, which are everywhere in society and would have made his position more powerful. I like what Joseph is doing and fighting for, but these pieces felt more like revised sketches for social media posts, rather than well-researched, contemplative literary expositions.

I would definitely give a “like” if I saw these ideas in an online post, but reading this verbose compilation of ideas under subject headings lacked the walloping punch of a memorable book. I praise Joseph’s introspection and his ability to turn a lens on his own shortcomings and confess his need to improve, develop, and grow. I also admire his tenacity and perseverance in refusing to allow pain and trauma to define him. He is on a mission to do good and I support his efforts. I just didn’t engage as much with Patriarchal Blues as I did with his first book The Black Friend.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hm, I kind of went back and forth on this book. Some parts were really tender, insightful and interesting. But other parts honestly felt like just really basic kind of surface level advocacy I have grown weary of from the liberal voices of America. I guess if you didn't know anything about intersectionality, feminism, patriarchy, racism etc this might be a super clear introductory but I kept wanting Joseph to get in a bit more deep than just surface level aphorisms about it all. It kind of felt at times like reading one of those lawn signs that's like "In this house we believe: Black lives matter, women's rights are human rights, love is love" etc. and not a lot more than that. I kind of get the sense that Joseph is just like a palatable advocate for all this and while there's certainly nothing wrong with that I wanted things to get more critical, more radical or more interesting than he often reached in this book.

[Kiera · Rating 2 out of 5]

i really loved the poetry in this collection, it was incredibly vulnerable. however the political + feminist essays and reflections were much more surface level than i expected - definitely important for men just dipping their toes into texts on intersectionality, feminism, patriarchy, racism etc. but not much deeper than that. i also thought the reflection on sex work lacked a lot of nuance and was too short and flippant for such an intense topic.

[Matt Zalman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick but good read! I really appreciated his perspective on how masculinity is intertwined with capitalism, race, gender, class, and white supremacy. If you are interested in learning about masculinity, reading this book with Justin Baldoni's book - Man Enough and bell hooks' book - The Will to Change, you will be well on your way to learning how important knowledge about this topic is.

[Shawn Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought provoking. I may not agree with every viewpoint the author has, but I understand where it comes from. The hope is that conversations can continue and allow spaces for men (especially Black men) to further discuss.

[TheLinhDo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this whilst not necessarily agreeing with everything. I enjoyed the diversity of entries, types and topics. The poems were a bit less powerful to me for some reason.

[Tori Bickell · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

[Chris Goemans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one gives a person lots to think about. Really important reflections on how we see ourselves with awareness (or lack there of) in how we see & treat others. Specifically how we are all direct products of an ingrained patriarchy and how to evaluate and begin moving away from those expectations. That’s just one thought. There are so many others. A worthwhile read.

[Kenneth Tsukayama · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t think audio was the best way to consume this book.

[✧.* lea · Rating 4 out of 5]

So amazing! So interesting seeing how a black cishet man is able to reflect not only on the ways in which the patriarchy has hurt him, but how that hurt pushed him to hurt others in ways he wished he hadn’t. I also really appreciated the mention of black women & their importance to the black community, as well as the mention of Queer folk. Great book. ❤️