Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids - A Guide for Parents and Professionals

by Gregory C. Keck, Regina M. Kupecky

Without avoiding the grim statistics, this book reveals the real hope that hurting children can be healed through adoptive and foster parents, social workers, and others who care. Includes information on foreign adoptions.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction, Fostering

264 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

Reviews

[Joshua Drury]

As someone who has adopted 2 kids, this book was so helpful and made me feel like I'm not crazy 🤣 it helped me see the hope for my kids with extra challenges! It is not extremely comprehensive but a great jump start and something I wish I read before adopting, not 3 years into it.

[Joann Revak]

I read this book as part of my volunteer effort with Guardian ad litem. It laid out many scenarios where adopted chldren were placed, and some of the many issues the adoptive parent faces. It was easy for me to read, as a nontechnical person. It also had insight into some behaviors that are exhibited by the adoptee. It would be a good read for prospective parents.

[Across the Stars]

While I respect that this book's contributions were likely valuable at the time of publication, even the revised edition is simply too dated to be very helpful now. Would recommend seeking more up-to-date materials instead.

[Jeff Learned]

One of the best books I’ve read on this subject.

[Dawn Killebrew]

This book helped me more than any book I’ve read in our fostering and adopting.

[Cassondra Durham]

Very helpful to know how to deal with issues. I can relate to some of the behaviors and means to deal with them.

[Kat Dixon]

Informative, if a bit dated.

[Jenni Arnold]

I had listened to these authors being interviewed on a BlogTalk Radio program a few weeks ago, and was very interested in reading this book. They gave a very thorough (yet understandable) description of how parenting a "hurt child" differs from parenting a "normal" child.

They used real-life examples based on case studies of their patients to help people like me see what works and what doesn't work when it comes to adopting (and parenting) a hurt child.

The authors are experts in their field, and really taught me a lot. I have several parts of the book flagged and/or highlighted so I can refer back to it later when needed.

I highly recommend this book for people that are thinking of adoption a special needs child, or have already adopted one. It's a must read. If not for the information, then merely to gain the knowledge that you are not alone out there.

I also am now reading their next book "Parenting the Hurt Child" and have found it to be very interesting so far.

[Ellyn]

I read this book because I have recently added some adopted children and their families to my caseload at work, and I wanted to better understand the issues that they are encountering. It provides an excellent overview of the challenges faced by families who adopt older children or children who have experienced trauma. So many of these children have been "in the system" for many years, bouncing back and forth between their biological families and various foster homes, and the authors do not sugarcoat the attachment, behavior, and emotional problems that often arise as a result. There is also information on intercountry adoptions. I think this book may scare away some prospective adoptive parents, but the authors also illustrate how tremendous and rewarding adoption can be when it works -- and it does often work. I highly recommend reading the most updated version of the book as the authors have made important changes to the treatment section of the book that in past editions focused primarily on holding therapy.

[Megan]

Unsure about how many stars to give this one. On one hand, I appreciate that they are trying to help adopting families have more realistic expectations of what life will be like. I think many families enter into foster/adoption with the best of intentions, but also have some unrealistic hopes/expectations, and I'm glad info is available on what is likely to happen, On the other hand, they take a pretty controlling/negative view of children, and I'm not sure many of their positions are being upheld by current brain research. The authors condemn professionals who believe the child over the foster/adoptive parent. However, they seem to do the same thing by placing the blame for all problems squarely on the child. I am also troubled by their devotion to Foster Cline's book and recommendations, which pay lip service to natural/logical consequences and then promote very manipulative methods. This was a dated edition, and there may be a new one. But for this one, I would recommend finding a different book.

[Kristin]

pp 33-46 Common behaviors of kids with attachment disorder

pp 90-92 List of questions to ask after referral

pp 115-116 List of things to do when you are in country and when you come home eg tape record caretaker

Ch 8 - Getting Used to Each Other - child's process of integration, parents' adjustment process, teaching responsibility and cooperation

Ch 10 - Giving Your Child a History - Bag of tricks - timeline, photos, life book, cards/letters/notes, water exercise, family trees, sibling game, holidays, celebrations, movie night

Ch 11 - Treatment - holding therapy, EMDR, sensory integration, medication
Ch 12 - When Adoption Fails
Ch 13 - When Adoption Works
Ch 14 - Success Stories
ch 15 - Reflections from the Trenches

[Cindy]

This book is a great overview of some of the common issues facing children and families involved in the adoption of hurt children. I appreciate it's frankness yet sensitivity with abuse issues.

This book helped me to better understand how abuse affects lives and relationships. I find myself revaluating events and attitudes affecting my own life as a youth and an adult. I wasn't expecting that.

I would recommend this book to anyone planning to adopt, especialy through health and welfare, and their friends, family, social worker, doctors, teachers, and therapists.

[Maggie]

Started but didn't read cover to cover. I skimmed the book to find the parts I wanted in working with families. However, what I did read (and other stuff I've read by him) leads me to believe that I have to pick and choose what I like and don't like about this style of techniques. This book has some clearly good information and then there are some things that are not my style. In all, I would recommend this book for parents or professionals who will 'carefully' piece apart the parts of this book that might or might not work for them.

[Katie]

This book holds nothing back in the way of information and stories. If you are seriously considering adoption you need to read this book and evaluate if you are or are not ready for what the adoption road may hold. Many stories are extreme cases and hard to even read through but as someone walking through adopting I know they are real possibilities and I'm glad I had this book to open my eyes.

[Laura Weir]

The authors clearly have LOTS of experience and so their perspective is insightful. However, it's not a very academic book. I've found through other sources that this approach is popular among parents and social workers, but those in the counseling field are asking for more empirical support, which is slow coming.

[Larny]

Most of this book was really good and helpful, but some is clearly outdated. I would recommend reading for ideas but with a critical mindset. Don't take everything at face value. If something seems off, question it (ex. Holding therapy... I thought it sounded odd so I looked it up and it is definitely no longer recommended, which I could have guessed)

[Craig Hurst]

This is a good even handed assessment and preparation for adoption in today's adoption context. This book will open the eyes of the blind and remove those rose covered glasses that too many to-be adoptive parents have. This book was honest but hopeful, hard yet encouraging.

[Logan Liptak]

This book has given such insight and I feel is further preparing us for adopting. I'm at the point where they are giving many different techniques, I've made many notes. Love this book. Will be using this as a reference throughout I think.

[Kristi Kellogg]

This book was recommended for me to read to help us with our adopted children. It is full of wonderful information...

[Paul]

I've read many books on adoption. This is probably the best I've read in terms of addressing the unique needs of the child adopted at an older age.

[Shannan]

Another great book about adoption and attachment.

[Karen]

Recommend it for anyone interested in adoption...especially older children, but really could be helpful for any adoption. Also appropriate for those working with "hurt" kids

[Krista]

A MUST READ for any one adopting through the foster care system in the US or older children international.

[Laura skog]

A must read for anyone who has or plans to adopt!!

[Cassie]

This had some neat techniques for helping kids adjust.

[Christine]

A go-to book for parenting our foster child, whom we hope to adopt. Fingers crossed!

[Brittnee]

This book gives practical advice and goes over real situations. A very helpful book to read and refer back to.

[Lisa]

Good information

[Judy]

Useful information but oriented towards foster children, those adopted when older, those abused.

[Julee]

Good book, lots of good info and therapy options. One point of view, but presented well.