Took this off my shelf because i've decided i'm not going to finish it. It already made me roll my eyes numerous times, & Roth's holier-than-thou tone grated on my nerves so. Much. She had made good points about anger & its validity, but she sure as hell lost me when she talked about her version of compassion, which didn't include meeting people where they were at the moment, but demanding they come up on her physical level-- which was also a way of saying "I think you need to grow up & stop wallowing." How is it that Roth ~knew~ whether or not that person was "wallowing"? That's not compassion, that's that holier-than-thou attitude coming right to the fore. Instead of offering real compassion, she demanded-- forced-- immediate change from a person who was hurting. That's not true compassion.
I also side-eyed the beginning of the third chapter, where Roth insists that we all go through the same life stages & have the same "sacred teachers" at each stage, the first two being "mother" & "father". Can you get anymore rigidly heterosexual? Even aside from that, what about all the people who maybe have only one parent? Or none? Who are raised by other guardians? What about those of us who have a parent walk out on us, whether when we're young or older? Claiming we all have the "same teachers" is extremely narrow-minded & erases many people & life experiences. And saying "mother/father figure(s)" doesn't change this fact.
What really did it for me was the phrase "we're all suffering from emotional AIDS." This book was published in the '80s during the AIDS crisis, for fuck's sake; throwing the disease around for ~impact~ or whatever is disgusting & insulting to all the lives lost from actual AIDS. You don't get to take a highly stigmatized disease, one that at the time was thought to only affect an already stigmatized grouping of people, & one that at the time meant almost certain death if contracted, & apply it to something like this. I literally threw the book away from me when i read that, i was so done & disgusted. It shows a huge lack of respect & decency on Roth's part, & starkly shows her cishet privilege. Only someone so unaffected by true AIDS could have had the gall to use it as a metaphor. And if she had friends who were affected by it, that doesn't change the fact that she should have known better. In fact, it makes it worse.
I went into this book really hoping i would like it, really hoping it would offer me healing in some way. Instead, i avoided reading it as much as possible because it irritated me so much. I kept giving it "another chance" over & over, hoping i might find something worthwhile in it, but after that "emotional AIDS" statement, i'm flat-out done with this book. I lost any respect i might have had for Roth when i read that (& i already was side-eyeing her a ton because of her attitude & tone throughout the book). I'm not going to drag myself through an unreadable book by someone who clearly thought so well of herself that among other things she could demand suffering people meet her where she was (instead of vice versa) & claim that's compassion; as well as thinking it was perfectly okay to freely throw around the concept of AIDS, with no regard to the people suffering (& dying) from the disease & the huge stigmatization of it.