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The Way She Feels: My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces
Finalist for the 2022 Lammy Award for Bisexual & the 2022 Heartland Booksellers Award
A Book Riot Best Book of the Year
“Audaciously human and raw. The Way She Feels is a rainbow during the rain.” —Mara Altman
A witty and one-of-a-kind debut graphic memoir detailing and drawing the life of a girl with borderline personality disorder finding her way—and herself—one day at a time.
What does it feel like to fall in love too hard and too fast, to hate yourself in equal and opposite measure? To live in such fear of rejection that you drive friends and lovers away? Welcome to my world. I’m Courtney, and I have borderline personality disorder (BPD), along with over four million other people in the United States. Though I’ve shown every classic symptom of the disorder since childhood, I wasn’t properly diagnosed until nearly a decade later, because the prevailing theory is that most people simply “grow out of it.” Not me.In my illustrated memoir, The Way She My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces, I share what it’s been like to live and love with this disorder. Not just the hospitalizations, treatments, and residential therapy, but the moments I found comfort in cereal, the color pink, or mini corndogs; the days I couldn’t style my hair because I thought the blow-dryer was going to hurt me; the peace I found when someone I love held me. This is a book about vulnerability, honesty, acceptance, and how to speak openly—not only with doctors, co-patients, friends, family, or partners, but also with ourselves.
A Book Riot Best Book of the Year
“Audaciously human and raw. The Way She Feels is a rainbow during the rain.” —Mara Altman
A witty and one-of-a-kind debut graphic memoir detailing and drawing the life of a girl with borderline personality disorder finding her way—and herself—one day at a time.
What does it feel like to fall in love too hard and too fast, to hate yourself in equal and opposite measure? To live in such fear of rejection that you drive friends and lovers away? Welcome to my world. I’m Courtney, and I have borderline personality disorder (BPD), along with over four million other people in the United States. Though I’ve shown every classic symptom of the disorder since childhood, I wasn’t properly diagnosed until nearly a decade later, because the prevailing theory is that most people simply “grow out of it.” Not me.In my illustrated memoir, The Way She My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces, I share what it’s been like to live and love with this disorder. Not just the hospitalizations, treatments, and residential therapy, but the moments I found comfort in cereal, the color pink, or mini corndogs; the days I couldn’t style my hair because I thought the blow-dryer was going to hurt me; the peace I found when someone I love held me. This is a book about vulnerability, honesty, acceptance, and how to speak openly—not only with doctors, co-patients, friends, family, or partners, but also with ourselves.
206 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 29, 2021
78 people are currently reading
1503 people want to read
About the author
Courtney Cook
3 books35 followersCourtney Cook is author and illustrator of the Kirkus starred graphic memoir THE WAY SHE FEELS: MY LIFE ON THE BORDERLINE IN PICTURES AND PIECES (Tin House, 2021), named one of the Best Books of 2021 by Book Riot.
Courtney’s personal essays have been published by outlets such as The Guardian, TIME, The Rumpus, Hobart, Lunch Ticket, and Split Lip Magazine. Her poetry can be found in Wax Nine, Luna Luna Magazine, Maudlin House, and elsewhere online.
Courtney received her BA from the University of Michigan and MFA from the University of California, Riverside.
She lives in Chicago and teaches creative writing from her living room with the help of her senior cat, Bertie.
Courtney’s personal essays have been published by outlets such as The Guardian, TIME, The Rumpus, Hobart, Lunch Ticket, and Split Lip Magazine. Her poetry can be found in Wax Nine, Luna Luna Magazine, Maudlin House, and elsewhere online.
Courtney received her BA from the University of Michigan and MFA from the University of California, Riverside.
She lives in Chicago and teaches creative writing from her living room with the help of her senior cat, Bertie.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews
July 22, 2021
When I picked up The Way She Feels, I fully expected to love it. In a lot of ways, I imagine that I’m the target audience for this graphic memoir: I’ve been talking to my therapist recently about the differences between BPD and clinical depression/PTSD, my favorite books this year have examined mental illness or trauma, and I’m a big fan of both women’s memoirs and graphic nonfiction. However, I was both frustrated and disappointed while reading this book, and in the end, I felt it was too oblivious, disjointed, and shallow to recommend to others.
First of all, I think there’s a gulf between the contents of this memoir and what it says on the tin (“My Life on the Borderline in Pictures + Pieces”). While Cook suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and competently summarizes the stigma she faces, her distinct experiences as someone with BPD often slip into the background, particularly in the anecdotes that feel more universal than specific. Half the chapters in this book delve into memories or emotional states that would be familiar to a wide swath of readers. For instance, many of us remember our shock after Trump’s election in 2016 or were confronted with an adult relative’s illness as a self-interested teen, so it’s difficult to identify exactly what’s unique in Cook’s perspective or how her BPD is relevant to the aforementioned stories. Amongst this mundane recounting of the author’s adolescence and early adulthood, I struggled to find the insight or impact I was expecting.
Unfortunately, the half of this book that isn’t mundane is uncomfortably sensationalized. The other sections do dive into specific experiences of mental illness and treatment, like a long-term stay at an inpatient treatment facility for at-risk youth and the effects of chronic dermatillomania and trichotillomania, although they’re ultimately quite simplistic. Cook tends to obsess over the most attention-grabbing or quotidian details, which prevents the narrative from fulfilling its potential. In the section on the treatment facility, the text is overwhelmingly preoccupied by a laundry list of administrative rules, daily or weekly routines, and the myriad ways that the staff keep the girls from self-harm or escape. I came away from this chapter understanding that the facility was an intermittently irritating and comforting place to live, but none of it felt genuinely unexpected or illuminative.
Then, there’s the skin picking.
I have dermatillomania. Like Cook, I’ve suffered from chronic skin picking since childhood. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t pick. And, if anyone was interested, I could provide a full description of my body when it was a bloody, gory, and pus-leaking mess of my own making, as well as a word-picture of how much shame I feel when anyone sees what I’ve done to myself. However, the appearance of my skin and my shame, while perhaps attention-grabbing or shocking, isn’t really what skin picking is about, nor would it deepen your understanding of why I pick. I know this because I’ve had lots and lots and lots of conversations about how bad my skin looks and how embarrassed I am of it. If you don’t pick your skin/hair or you are unfamiliar with these disorders, I’m sure this type of conversation would be somewhat diverting, but for me, as someone who lives with this condition and has for decades, it’s superficial and repetitive. But that’s also all we get here – the tweezers, the Band-Aids, the soul-deep embarrassment are the full extent of our gaze into dermatillomania, which felt like a shallow misstep for a book that promised to be so much more.
While I read The Way She Feels, I was also distracted by the author’s privilege. I don’t need books to center “relatable” or “likeable” women, nor am I opposed to reading the narratives of the rich and comfortable (far from it!), but I do find it odd when privilege is flatly unacknowledged or an author is seemingly unaware of how many advantages they’ve received. At every turn of this memoir, Cook finds herself in a warm bubble of familial support, financial comfort, access to healthcare, academic opportunity, and professional success, although she never directly addresses her exceptional circumstances. The mismatch between my awareness of Cook’s privilege and her apparent obliviousness created an awkward dissonance as I read, where instead of fully connecting with her, I kept wondering if she knew how fortunate she was to attend a private arts school after a 10-month hospitalization or if she’s aware that most people with moderate or severe mental illness don’t conclude stress-inducing MFA programs with a plan for full-time employment and a book deal.
The final straw came at the end, in a section entitled “Ode to the Psychiatrist I Hate Who Gives Me Good Drugs”. Cook opens this chapter by explaining that she prefers to see mental health professionals who look like “more put-together” versions of herself. Specifically, she gravitates towards petite white women with fair hair, whom she can project a “wiser, more mature” image onto. By itself, I don’t see any problem with this. It precludes her from seeing BIPOC professionals, but that’s her business, I guess. Treatment is a weird, scary, and vulnerable process, and ideally everyone should have the opportunity to choose their therapist for their own reasons, even if it’s incomprehensible from the outside. But then, Cook goes on to describe why she hates her current psychiatrist: the psychiatrist is “rotund in a jolly, Mrs. Claus type of way” and her office suggests she has niche hobbies. In case we still don’t get it, there’s an unflattering illustration of this individual included as a reference! In other words, this psychiatrist has a fat body, so Cook is unable or unwilling to project an image of competency or aspiration onto her, and thus dislikes receiving care from her. Honestly, I find it absolutely unacceptable that this level of anti-fat bias would remain in a traditionally published memoir without a hint of interrogation by either the author or editor. Perhaps this interlude was intended to be quirky or tongue-in-check, but its charm was totally lost on me.
I’ve hemmed and hawed over this review for days. I wrote and re-wrote it, and it’s so long and personal because I wanted to show that I didn’t take my low rating of this book lightly. I find Cook’s stated commitment to represent the BPD community inspiring and commendable, but I wouldn’t recommend this memoir.
First of all, I think there’s a gulf between the contents of this memoir and what it says on the tin (“My Life on the Borderline in Pictures + Pieces”). While Cook suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and competently summarizes the stigma she faces, her distinct experiences as someone with BPD often slip into the background, particularly in the anecdotes that feel more universal than specific. Half the chapters in this book delve into memories or emotional states that would be familiar to a wide swath of readers. For instance, many of us remember our shock after Trump’s election in 2016 or were confronted with an adult relative’s illness as a self-interested teen, so it’s difficult to identify exactly what’s unique in Cook’s perspective or how her BPD is relevant to the aforementioned stories. Amongst this mundane recounting of the author’s adolescence and early adulthood, I struggled to find the insight or impact I was expecting.
Unfortunately, the half of this book that isn’t mundane is uncomfortably sensationalized. The other sections do dive into specific experiences of mental illness and treatment, like a long-term stay at an inpatient treatment facility for at-risk youth and the effects of chronic dermatillomania and trichotillomania, although they’re ultimately quite simplistic. Cook tends to obsess over the most attention-grabbing or quotidian details, which prevents the narrative from fulfilling its potential. In the section on the treatment facility, the text is overwhelmingly preoccupied by a laundry list of administrative rules, daily or weekly routines, and the myriad ways that the staff keep the girls from self-harm or escape. I came away from this chapter understanding that the facility was an intermittently irritating and comforting place to live, but none of it felt genuinely unexpected or illuminative.
Then, there’s the skin picking.
I have dermatillomania. Like Cook, I’ve suffered from chronic skin picking since childhood. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t pick. And, if anyone was interested, I could provide a full description of my body when it was a bloody, gory, and pus-leaking mess of my own making, as well as a word-picture of how much shame I feel when anyone sees what I’ve done to myself. However, the appearance of my skin and my shame, while perhaps attention-grabbing or shocking, isn’t really what skin picking is about, nor would it deepen your understanding of why I pick. I know this because I’ve had lots and lots and lots of conversations about how bad my skin looks and how embarrassed I am of it. If you don’t pick your skin/hair or you are unfamiliar with these disorders, I’m sure this type of conversation would be somewhat diverting, but for me, as someone who lives with this condition and has for decades, it’s superficial and repetitive. But that’s also all we get here – the tweezers, the Band-Aids, the soul-deep embarrassment are the full extent of our gaze into dermatillomania, which felt like a shallow misstep for a book that promised to be so much more.
While I read The Way She Feels, I was also distracted by the author’s privilege. I don’t need books to center “relatable” or “likeable” women, nor am I opposed to reading the narratives of the rich and comfortable (far from it!), but I do find it odd when privilege is flatly unacknowledged or an author is seemingly unaware of how many advantages they’ve received. At every turn of this memoir, Cook finds herself in a warm bubble of familial support, financial comfort, access to healthcare, academic opportunity, and professional success, although she never directly addresses her exceptional circumstances. The mismatch between my awareness of Cook’s privilege and her apparent obliviousness created an awkward dissonance as I read, where instead of fully connecting with her, I kept wondering if she knew how fortunate she was to attend a private arts school after a 10-month hospitalization or if she’s aware that most people with moderate or severe mental illness don’t conclude stress-inducing MFA programs with a plan for full-time employment and a book deal.
The final straw came at the end, in a section entitled “Ode to the Psychiatrist I Hate Who Gives Me Good Drugs”. Cook opens this chapter by explaining that she prefers to see mental health professionals who look like “more put-together” versions of herself. Specifically, she gravitates towards petite white women with fair hair, whom she can project a “wiser, more mature” image onto. By itself, I don’t see any problem with this. It precludes her from seeing BIPOC professionals, but that’s her business, I guess. Treatment is a weird, scary, and vulnerable process, and ideally everyone should have the opportunity to choose their therapist for their own reasons, even if it’s incomprehensible from the outside. But then, Cook goes on to describe why she hates her current psychiatrist: the psychiatrist is “rotund in a jolly, Mrs. Claus type of way” and her office suggests she has niche hobbies. In case we still don’t get it, there’s an unflattering illustration of this individual included as a reference! In other words, this psychiatrist has a fat body, so Cook is unable or unwilling to project an image of competency or aspiration onto her, and thus dislikes receiving care from her. Honestly, I find it absolutely unacceptable that this level of anti-fat bias would remain in a traditionally published memoir without a hint of interrogation by either the author or editor. Perhaps this interlude was intended to be quirky or tongue-in-check, but its charm was totally lost on me.
I’ve hemmed and hawed over this review for days. I wrote and re-wrote it, and it’s so long and personal because I wanted to show that I didn’t take my low rating of this book lightly. I find Cook’s stated commitment to represent the BPD community inspiring and commendable, but I wouldn’t recommend this memoir.
May 25, 2021
This is a deeply personal look at one woman's life with BPD, depression and anxiety. It's colorfully illustrated with whimsical drawings, self portraits and even Venn diagrams. I applaud Cook for being so honest with her story but also kept feeling that many people unfamiliar with BPD are likely to come away from it thinking that she depicts the "average" person with BPD. There are a lot of characteristics of people with BPD that are very common but every person is different. Her very specific way of self harming, for instance, is very specific to her and is not necessarily something that the average person with BPD does (self harm in general is very common with people with BPD). This is excellent as a look at one person's life with Borderline Personality Disorder and it is a fascinating one. I also would have liked more of a wrap-up of her life now, and perhaps something offered to readers who either have BPD themselves or who love people who do.
I have loved ones with BPD and I ultimately decided not to get them copies because it did not feel like a book that would offer comfort or healing strategies and might even be triggering for some harmful behaviors. Cook also seems to come from a life of great privilege (though she doesn't acknowledge this) and her experience may be quite different from some people with BPD for this reason too. It was an interesting look into her life, but some readers may not be able to extrapolate a lot for their own lives or gain knowledge in general about BPD.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for review.
I have loved ones with BPD and I ultimately decided not to get them copies because it did not feel like a book that would offer comfort or healing strategies and might even be triggering for some harmful behaviors. Cook also seems to come from a life of great privilege (though she doesn't acknowledge this) and her experience may be quite different from some people with BPD for this reason too. It was an interesting look into her life, but some readers may not be able to extrapolate a lot for their own lives or gain knowledge in general about BPD.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for review.
April 14, 2021
A moving and creative graphic and prose memoir from a young artist who struggles with depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. This book does a great job humanizing the diagnosis and heling people understand what borderline feels from the inside. The mix op of art, comics, lists, and short prose pieces keeps the topic from being too oppressive. I really learned a lot from this book.
July 2, 2022
i cried at the beginning of reading this book and then i read the anecdote about crying at everything and cried harder because i related to everything so much
September 2, 2021
Another of those hybrid books that ends up in my pile of library holds because its been catalogued with the graphic novels despite only one-quarter of the pages actually being in what I consider a comic book format. The majority of it is text in a hard-to-read sans serif font with spot illustrations every page or two. Take away the pictures, blank chapter breaks, and the overly generous gutter margins and there are about 100 pages of essays on the author's mental health issues.
The first 50 pages are fairly strong and drew me in with listicles, the first comic section and opening essay, but then as the book settles into mostly text mode it alternates equally between material that moved me and moments that annoyed me. Still, I appreciated the information and perspective offered, as -- sadly -- most of my knowledge about borderline personality disorder comes from watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
The first 50 pages are fairly strong and drew me in with listicles, the first comic section and opening essay, but then as the book settles into mostly text mode it alternates equally between material that moved me and moments that annoyed me. Still, I appreciated the information and perspective offered, as -- sadly -- most of my knowledge about borderline personality disorder comes from watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
April 21, 2021
I have to state that I admire Courtney for being brave enough to write this book. It was an emotional, heartbreaking and very personal take on borderline personality disorder. I hope others take from this that labeling people as ‘crazy’ is just wrong and hurtful. That being said I had at times a hard time following the direction of the stories. One minute it was about her dad and then it switched to another story of traveling which was confusing for me. I was surprised that the ending felt unfinished. I wanted more of how she was doing today versus 10 years ago. Overall, this was a good story of a young lady living with borderline personality disorder. I highly recommend it. I wish her the best.
I received this Arc from the publisher and Netgalley for my honest review and opinion.
I received this Arc from the publisher and Netgalley for my honest review and opinion.
December 7, 2024
Not my place to judge what a book on Borderline Personality Disorder should be about, but if it’s about YOUR experience with Borderline, then why are you using other people’s stories for shock value? Also no critical commentary on some really dangerous and graphic stuff from her past, almost as if she misses that time in her life or at the very least doesn’t want to engage with it using any retrospect.
August 16, 2021
This was funny and moving, and the mixture of formats was really engaging. I think it would be helpful for someone looking to understand a loved one's experience with BPD (with the understanding of course that each person's experience is different), someone with BPD looking to connect, or just anyone who enjoys graphic memoirs.
November 16, 2022
"what does it feel like to fall in love too hard and too fast, to hate yourself in equal and opposite measure? to live in such fear of rejection that you drive friends and lovers away?"
tw: self-harm (graphic), mental illness, suicide
there was that "oh?" moment when I first read that sentence. I was hooked. kalimat pertama di buku ini berhasil membuatku tertarik buat membaca kisah courtney lebih jauh, seorang pengidap BPD (borderline personality disorder atau gangguan kepribadian ambang), anxiety, dan depresi.
courtney sudah melakukan pengobatan sejak umur 13 tahun karena didiagnosis major depressive disorder dan generalized anxiety disorder, akan tetapi baru mendapat diagnosis BPD ketika ia menginjak umur 23 tahun. keterlambatan ini dikarenakan BPD belum bisa didiagnosis ketika seseorang belum berumur 18 tahun.
membaca buku ini rasanya kayak baca diary seseorang. rasanya begitu jujur, blak-blakan, dan frontal. nothing to hide. courtney bercerita tentang betapa BPD begitu di-demonized dan distigmatitasi sebagai "orang gila" dan sering dilabeli sebagai orang-orang yang 'berbahaya' karena kurangnya edukasi mengenai gangguan ini sehingga ia seringkali takut buat cerita soal diagnosisnya ke orang lain.
chronologically, buku ini membahas pengalaman penulis mulai dari self-harm di usia awal remajanya, kesulitannya dalam membangun hubungan interpersonal, waktu yang ia habiskan di rumah sakit jiwa, bagaimana ia memandang cinta dan obsesi, pergulatan soal idealization dan devaluation, dan bagaimana ia becermin dan memandang dirinya sendiri,
"I look back and I don't recognize myself. There are full years where I am a stranger. It's like I was in a dressing room, just trying different versions of myself on. Still, nothing seems to fit right... or at all. Is this uncertainty due to my borderline? Or is it just part of growing up?"
one thing that made me love this book so much is the format. karena buku ini adalah illustrated memoir, ada bagian yang dipenuhi dengan ilustrasi, gambar-gambar ala graphic novel, bullet points dan list, surat-surat, dan diagram. penyajian dengan beragam bentuk ini membuat buku ini terasa makin dekat dengan apa yang dirasakan penulis.
this is the first book I've read about BPD and it was absolutely wonderful and intimate.
definitely one of the best memoirs I've read this year.
tw: self-harm (graphic), mental illness, suicide
there was that "oh?" moment when I first read that sentence. I was hooked. kalimat pertama di buku ini berhasil membuatku tertarik buat membaca kisah courtney lebih jauh, seorang pengidap BPD (borderline personality disorder atau gangguan kepribadian ambang), anxiety, dan depresi.
courtney sudah melakukan pengobatan sejak umur 13 tahun karena didiagnosis major depressive disorder dan generalized anxiety disorder, akan tetapi baru mendapat diagnosis BPD ketika ia menginjak umur 23 tahun. keterlambatan ini dikarenakan BPD belum bisa didiagnosis ketika seseorang belum berumur 18 tahun.
membaca buku ini rasanya kayak baca diary seseorang. rasanya begitu jujur, blak-blakan, dan frontal. nothing to hide. courtney bercerita tentang betapa BPD begitu di-demonized dan distigmatitasi sebagai "orang gila" dan sering dilabeli sebagai orang-orang yang 'berbahaya' karena kurangnya edukasi mengenai gangguan ini sehingga ia seringkali takut buat cerita soal diagnosisnya ke orang lain.
chronologically, buku ini membahas pengalaman penulis mulai dari self-harm di usia awal remajanya, kesulitannya dalam membangun hubungan interpersonal, waktu yang ia habiskan di rumah sakit jiwa, bagaimana ia memandang cinta dan obsesi, pergulatan soal idealization dan devaluation, dan bagaimana ia becermin dan memandang dirinya sendiri,
"I look back and I don't recognize myself. There are full years where I am a stranger. It's like I was in a dressing room, just trying different versions of myself on. Still, nothing seems to fit right... or at all. Is this uncertainty due to my borderline? Or is it just part of growing up?"
one thing that made me love this book so much is the format. karena buku ini adalah illustrated memoir, ada bagian yang dipenuhi dengan ilustrasi, gambar-gambar ala graphic novel, bullet points dan list, surat-surat, dan diagram. penyajian dengan beragam bentuk ini membuat buku ini terasa makin dekat dengan apa yang dirasakan penulis.
this is the first book I've read about BPD and it was absolutely wonderful and intimate.
definitely one of the best memoirs I've read this year.
February 7, 2023
I felt this book overall was fairly good and informative in some ways. I appreciate the honesty that Cook displays throughout. My major critiques are that while it does have a content warning at the front of the book, it would have been beneficial to have it for each chapter that contains specific triggers. For me, self harm is really hard to read—and i knew that it would be present—but i didnt know when and what specifically. Adding it before each chapter that needs it would have been helpful.
My second biggest overall issue was with the chapter entitled “ode to the psychiatrist i hate but that give me the good drugs”. Cook goes on to describe how she seeks out therapists that look like her in some way so she can relate, if they were clothing she doesnt like she stops seeing them. Then she talks about her psychiatrist, who is a fat woman who likes action figures, anime, and other “uncool” things. The only clear reason to me that Cook “hates” this psychiatrist is because she is fat and Cook is afraid to be fat. She is upset with her therapist who gives her pills which have caused her to gain forty-five pounds, which at one point Cook says is doing the opposite of what its supposed to (making her happy) by making her upset that she is gaining weight (clear fatphobia). But i would argue that Cook’s medicine is doing what its supposed to but Cook was raised to have anti-fat bias which causes her unhappiness, not the medication. Id recommend that Cook look for anti-fat media to challenge these biases. This is only one chapter, but for me it was a big deal.
And finally, there’s a lot of privilege and lack of acknowledgment of that privilege as well. She goes to 10 month art school, goes to an care institution to seek help, and so much more. Getting an MFA, having a book deal, landing a job post grad school. So thats important to consider. I think the book could overall do better in normalizing BPD, Anxiety, and depression and providing solutions, but it is only about her experiences with these diagnoses. Everyones diagnosis is different and varied.
My second biggest overall issue was with the chapter entitled “ode to the psychiatrist i hate but that give me the good drugs”. Cook goes on to describe how she seeks out therapists that look like her in some way so she can relate, if they were clothing she doesnt like she stops seeing them. Then she talks about her psychiatrist, who is a fat woman who likes action figures, anime, and other “uncool” things. The only clear reason to me that Cook “hates” this psychiatrist is because she is fat and Cook is afraid to be fat. She is upset with her therapist who gives her pills which have caused her to gain forty-five pounds, which at one point Cook says is doing the opposite of what its supposed to (making her happy) by making her upset that she is gaining weight (clear fatphobia). But i would argue that Cook’s medicine is doing what its supposed to but Cook was raised to have anti-fat bias which causes her unhappiness, not the medication. Id recommend that Cook look for anti-fat media to challenge these biases. This is only one chapter, but for me it was a big deal.
And finally, there’s a lot of privilege and lack of acknowledgment of that privilege as well. She goes to 10 month art school, goes to an care institution to seek help, and so much more. Getting an MFA, having a book deal, landing a job post grad school. So thats important to consider. I think the book could overall do better in normalizing BPD, Anxiety, and depression and providing solutions, but it is only about her experiences with these diagnoses. Everyones diagnosis is different and varied.
July 2, 2022
I’m 40, and I just got diagnosed with BPD. I’m an avid reader, and I am kind of stunned at how little is out there about it, despite it being the Britney Spears, Amy Winehouses, and Sylvia Plaths of the world. So I’m on a mission to find my people and came across this graphic memoir. I really appreciate her bare honesty about how life feels with this disorder. While I don’t have the same symptoms as her, I very much related to her experiences emotionally. Running to bed with an abuser when you feel bad, feeling good feelings so intensely, feeling constantly apologetic, unlovable, and terrified of abandonment. The string of favorite people friendships that were also full of abuse. The chapter I REALLY appreciate was about googling the disorder: it is so daunting what people say about us, when we are truly the biggest people pleasers and have an overactive empathy. Overall, I found her story frank, charming, and thoughtful. I appreciate how it reduces the stigma.
I see some people criticize her for her privilege or lack of awareness of it. I can’t say if she’s aware or not, but as someone who feels that it’s truly a miracle I’m alive at 40 with this disorder, I am grateful she got the treatment she did so young. This is a brutal, brutal disorder. I don’t think neurotypicals or anyone else can understand the inferno inside someone with BPD. 75% attempt suicide. To deny her the treatment she got is to deny life saving health care for the disabled.
What we really should be asking ourselves is why we are so willing to continue to live in a country that denies most of its disabled citizens citizens life saving health care, why we don’t have the compassion and intellect and moral integrity to demand that dignity we all deserve.
I see some people criticize her for her privilege or lack of awareness of it. I can’t say if she’s aware or not, but as someone who feels that it’s truly a miracle I’m alive at 40 with this disorder, I am grateful she got the treatment she did so young. This is a brutal, brutal disorder. I don’t think neurotypicals or anyone else can understand the inferno inside someone with BPD. 75% attempt suicide. To deny her the treatment she got is to deny life saving health care for the disabled.
What we really should be asking ourselves is why we are so willing to continue to live in a country that denies most of its disabled citizens citizens life saving health care, why we don’t have the compassion and intellect and moral integrity to demand that dignity we all deserve.
November 4, 2024
Arghhh!! The more I think about this book, the more frustrated I get!
On one hand, Courtney is a phenomenal artist with a fantastic grasp of color - the wacky combos of green and pink tickle my brain in all the right ways!! - and I really appreciate how candid and open she is, but on the other hand, parts of this work just don't sit right with me.
Why is Courtney so bothered by the fact that her psychiatrist is fat and likes action figures?
Why does Courtney boil her dermatillomania and trichotillomania down into disgusting illustrations and easy shock value rather than opening up a conversation and delving into how these disorders affect her day-to-day life and mental health?
Why was Eden's story included? Why was this deeply tormented girl that Courtney didn't seem to try to get to know at all included in this book? Why were her pain and suffering exposed and sensationalized without any clear message?
Reading other reviews for this book on Goodreads, I'm stoked to see how many people are comforted by its contents, but I can't say it made me feel seen or allowed me to further understand borderline personality disorder. To be fair, Courtney Cook is not a doctor and I should not expect her to write as such, but some choices made in this book were irresponsible, nonetheless.
Read The Way She Feels for entertainment, not guidance.
On one hand, Courtney is a phenomenal artist with a fantastic grasp of color - the wacky combos of green and pink tickle my brain in all the right ways!! - and I really appreciate how candid and open she is, but on the other hand, parts of this work just don't sit right with me.
Why is Courtney so bothered by the fact that her psychiatrist is fat and likes action figures?
Why does Courtney boil her dermatillomania and trichotillomania down into disgusting illustrations and easy shock value rather than opening up a conversation and delving into how these disorders affect her day-to-day life and mental health?
Why was Eden's story included? Why was this deeply tormented girl that Courtney didn't seem to try to get to know at all included in this book? Why were her pain and suffering exposed and sensationalized without any clear message?
Reading other reviews for this book on Goodreads, I'm stoked to see how many people are comforted by its contents, but I can't say it made me feel seen or allowed me to further understand borderline personality disorder. To be fair, Courtney Cook is not a doctor and I should not expect her to write as such, but some choices made in this book were irresponsible, nonetheless.
Read The Way She Feels for entertainment, not guidance.
June 4, 2021
I really enjoyed the first half of "The Way She Feels", but the second half became a little repetitive. I appreciate the author being candid about her experiences coping and living with borderline personality disorder. BPD is a very complicated mental illness for the general public to understand. I've met people in the past who are extremely judgmental when it comes to those who suffer from BPD. Courtney Cook does her best to explain what it's like for her on a daily basis, especially the way she fears being abandoned, unloved, criticized, etc.
There are some trigger warnings like self-harm (cutting), unhealthy relationships, picking at her skin, etc. Courtney lays it all on the table. The truth will set you free. I thought the illustrations were cute. I also have a deep love for sugary cereal. My main gripe however was the overall tone. Sometimes the writing felt heavy-handed and melodramatic. Again, I commend the author for sharing her hardships with complete strangers. It's not easy to put yourself out there. I wish her nothing but the best.
Thank you, Netgalley and Tin House for the digital ARC.
There are some trigger warnings like self-harm (cutting), unhealthy relationships, picking at her skin, etc. Courtney lays it all on the table. The truth will set you free. I thought the illustrations were cute. I also have a deep love for sugary cereal. My main gripe however was the overall tone. Sometimes the writing felt heavy-handed and melodramatic. Again, I commend the author for sharing her hardships with complete strangers. It's not easy to put yourself out there. I wish her nothing but the best.
Thank you, Netgalley and Tin House for the digital ARC.
September 9, 2021
Courtney Cook and I share some similarities: we're the same age and 'The Way She Feels' by Between the Trees was my adolescent breath of fresh air, as someone who was depressed and didn't really see any representation for my age. We didn't have the exact same experience, but this made me think about how I grew up mentally ill and I appreciated her perspective having been institutionalized (something I've come close to but have not experienced). I also haven't seen a ton of representation for BPD, so it's super important that stories like these are told.
May 20, 2025
This memoir perfectly captures what it feels like to live a life with BPD in both words and pictures.
May 7, 2024
mini synopsis:
A witty and one-of-a-kind debut graphic memoir detailing and drawing the life of a girl with borderline personality disorder finding her way―and herself―one day at a time.
thoughts:
Courtney shares her story of childhood, diagnosis, and navigating her 20s with BPD. I wish we had more graphic novels on mental health as I think it's a really great medium for explaining complicated emotions with a combination of words and art. I picked this one randomly off the shelf, so I was pleasantly surprised to find the author is from a local-to-me area, Winnetka IL. I'd say I enjoyed 1/4 of this book and found something relatable with my own mental health struggles of OCD and GAD. 1/2 this book I was just pretty uncomfy as there's a lot of personal triggers for me (mental hospitalization, suicidal thoughts, etc). And the last 1/4 I found to be written in a tone of privilege and anti-fat bias that made me feel ick. I had to read some other reviews on this one as I didn't want to be overly critical, but I see some others that have BPD feeling the same on the author's lack of awareness to her experience being an outlying one. I'm not sure I'd recommend this widely just based on the triggers and anti-fat bias alone of course, but maybe just to those who have or have a loved one with BPD specifically and you'd like to read another perspective on it taking some of the broader issues with a grain of salt.
A witty and one-of-a-kind debut graphic memoir detailing and drawing the life of a girl with borderline personality disorder finding her way―and herself―one day at a time.
thoughts:
Courtney shares her story of childhood, diagnosis, and navigating her 20s with BPD. I wish we had more graphic novels on mental health as I think it's a really great medium for explaining complicated emotions with a combination of words and art. I picked this one randomly off the shelf, so I was pleasantly surprised to find the author is from a local-to-me area, Winnetka IL. I'd say I enjoyed 1/4 of this book and found something relatable with my own mental health struggles of OCD and GAD. 1/2 this book I was just pretty uncomfy as there's a lot of personal triggers for me (mental hospitalization, suicidal thoughts, etc). And the last 1/4 I found to be written in a tone of privilege and anti-fat bias that made me feel ick. I had to read some other reviews on this one as I didn't want to be overly critical, but I see some others that have BPD feeling the same on the author's lack of awareness to her experience being an outlying one. I'm not sure I'd recommend this widely just based on the triggers and anti-fat bias alone of course, but maybe just to those who have or have a loved one with BPD specifically and you'd like to read another perspective on it taking some of the broader issues with a grain of salt.
March 10, 2022
I found this girl to be super privileged and a bit snooty, I don't think this is a good book for teens to read or grown women who are living with borderline personality disorder. I did like the illustrations though! The reason I dislike this book is because I don't think the author realizes just how lucky she is, she seems very ungrateful for all the resources that were available and afforded to her. She got to stay in an all girls rehab centre as a teen, that had a swimming pool and was a former luxury hotel before being furbished into the home for girls. As an adult she likes to pick and choose blonde, stylish therapists and psychiatrists who wear fancy foot wear. She once discontinued services because her counsellor wore crocs ! Not nice. Snob. Period.
January 3, 2022
I usually hate graphic novels.
I’m not sure anyone who hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD could fully enjoy this book. (No self diagnosis of it)
There were a few things I didn’t love in the ending but other than that. I laughed at how much a relate to this and am going to give my therapist the book if she hasn’t read it yet.
Side note:
There were definitely some things I read that probs weren’t the best for me to read as someone who struggles with BPD and often self harms. There were some very graphic parts.
So it’s up to your discretion if you have BPD and are interesting in reading it
I’m not sure anyone who hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD could fully enjoy this book. (No self diagnosis of it)
There were a few things I didn’t love in the ending but other than that. I laughed at how much a relate to this and am going to give my therapist the book if she hasn’t read it yet.
Side note:
There were definitely some things I read that probs weren’t the best for me to read as someone who struggles with BPD and often self harms. There were some very graphic parts.
So it’s up to your discretion if you have BPD and are interesting in reading it
April 13, 2022
As a fellow queer BPD queen, this book meant a lot for me. I’m stunned by some of these reviews that illuminate the shortcomings of the memoir, especially the privilege element. Indeed, it is Courtney’s personal account of her experience with BPD. One could write a whole chapter on disclaimers of who they wish to not offend and ***this is my one account and does not wholly encompass BPD***. I do not go into reading a memoir about a specific topic looking to read verbatim my experience with said topic. It is a classic example of “take what resonates and leave the rest”.
January 7, 2022
Borderline Personality disorder must be a difficult diagnosis to live with. The major characteristic of this illness is that it wreaks havoc on your ability to have successful interpersonal relationships. I found great insight in this author/artist sharing her story so far. It's more an illustrated journal/essay book than a graphic novel. It's one of those books that's hard to categorize, but I would say it's mostly memoir.
January 7, 2022
review to come lol
August 23, 2021
Sorry, did I ghostwrite this? Courtney absolutely nails everything I’ve ever felt in my life and this book made me feel completely insane but also less alone. Thank you Courtney!
November 11, 2022
Just goes to show you should never write a memoir in your early 20s.
October 1, 2021
This review originally appeared on the book review blog: Just One More Pa(i)ge.
Well, this is a prime example of the "the cover got me." It was on the new nonfiction display at the library and the colors and cereal bowl situation all conspired to make me pick it up and flip through it. Seeing the colorful illustrations throughout, and the topic (I am not sure I've read anything by, or even about, someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder), I impulse checked it out.
The author, Courtney Cook, has dealt with various mental health diagnoses for the majority of her life and, at age 23, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. In this graphic-ish memoir, Cook describes the way the symptoms of BPD have affected her throughout her life, even though the official diagnosis came later. From falling in love fast and hard and then driving people away out of fear that they'll leave her, hating and loving herself in equal measure, the hospitalizations and medications and therapy that she's been through, and the moments of comfort in everyday items and food and the sometimes peace in other's arms, Cook covers quite a few of the contradictions and challenges and realities of living with BPD.
Let me start with a very clear and strong content warning for the majority of the topics in this memoir, including but not limited to parental chronic illness, suicidal ideation/attempts, self-harm, hospitalization and residential treatment (including mentions of of the mental illnesses/assault/sexual abuse from other residents), animal death and drug use. I am sure I"m missing something, because Cook held nothing back and used no euphemisms, but I think the point is made and I did my best to list the ones mentioned the most often or with the most detail. So, before picking up this book, please be aware - I do not necessarily have any trigger points connected to these topics and I still moved through reading this slowly, with lots of breaks and reading other books interspersed, because the content was so intense.
To give a bit of my personal reaction to this memoir, as one does in a review, I want to start with the things that I really liked. First, the artwork. The cover was a great indication of what to expect, as far as color and form, and I was thoroughly into it. It is not necessarily a preferred style for me in general, I wouldn't say, but the overall art/writing delivery style created a vibe that felt right, as far as the whole picture of herself Cook was attempting to portray. In other words, the visuals and format matched the content super well. As far as the content itself, I have to say that I deeply respect and admire Cook for how open she was about her experiences with BPD. As she mentions, this is a mental illness that has long been vilified in the media, especially for women, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to share such intimate and personal stories/details on such a public scale, about something so widely misunderstood. She does not shy away from ugly truths, in general about BPD and about herself, and there is so much bravery in that. I was very interested in reading more about BPD, the background info she gives about it factually and specific to her own experiences (as far as medication and therapy and the way it manifests for her and changes/affects her relationships), the public assumptions made about it and people who have it (the differences between men and women, in that regard), and more. It was particularly informative to read about the way she experienced myriad BPD symptoms while growing up, and again how they manifested, but couldn't be diagnosed until so much later because it was seen as a phase/something she'd grow out of, and the diagnosis cannot be made under a certain age anyways.
All that being said, there was something about this memoir that didn't feel quite right. I have postponed writing this review for over a week, in the hopes that whatever it is would come to me. But...it hasn't. Which makes me think that it's at least in part due to me, personally, as a reader, and nothing to do with the memoir itself. But I want to tell you a couple things that I considered, or that seemed a little cringey to me. Overall, I felt like the memoir lacked some perspective. And there is every chance that it's down to the way BPD works that it came across that way. (And also, I totally get that this is a personal memoir, telling a singular and very individual POV, so there's that too.) Cook does a thorough and objective job recognizing her objective privilege, and doing her level best to explain that while she "knows" there's nothing in her life that should "make her" feel the way she does, she can't fight the brain chemistry that's causing it. That is an important and understandable point, and its inclusion is necessary. But it also felt like, at times, Cook over-dropped privilege bombs (international trips and private schooling and others) in such quick passing that they felt more for shock value than to add anything to the narrative of her illness or greater life experience. Also, she mentions differences in BPD perception for women versus men, but nothing in regards to racial or socioeconomic status, so that felt incomplete. All that being said, I also feel a bit wrong criticizing in this way because, as I said, this is a personal and honest mental health portrayal (something that sorely needs larger, legitimate media representation), and at no point does she profess to speak for anyone other than herself. So, again, maybe I'm the problem. But, I want to be transparent about my reactions.
Overall, this was a new and eye-opening perspective for me to read. And coming pretty close on the heels of having read The Collected Schizophrenias and Haben, I am noticing the strong call to name things what they are, because euphemisms only benefit ableism and, really, how does one separate themselves from something that is such an inextricable part of their lives (the "you are not your illness perspective)? The message is clear across mental illness and physical disability and has been deeply noted. But back to this book in particular, I am glad I picked it up. As I said, I did learn from it and really enjoyed the artistic aspects. Though I had my personal vibe issues that I'm continuing to work through, if this sounds like something you'd want to read, I encourage you to do so and see what you think for yourself.
“What do you do when you’re given everything and still feel empty?”
“People often say ‘You’re not your illness’ or ‘Your illness doesn’t define you’ when speaking about mental afflictions, but to say that I’m not borderline as much as I am Courtney is to misspeak. Borderline is a personality disorder that shapes my personality. All my actions and thoughts and emotions are filtered through my borderline brain. Even if I don’t tell anyone about my diagnosis, by simply existing I am outing myself as someone with borderline personality disorder. It’s more than a haunting – it’s a full-on possession.”
“It seems that the root of my obsession is the idea that if I did, or had, or became, this one thing or person, I would feel content, satisfied, whole. The problem with this line of thinking is that no matter what I acquire, I’m still the one who acquired it. No matter whom I emulate, I am still, ultimately, me.”
Well, this is a prime example of the "the cover got me." It was on the new nonfiction display at the library and the colors and cereal bowl situation all conspired to make me pick it up and flip through it. Seeing the colorful illustrations throughout, and the topic (I am not sure I've read anything by, or even about, someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder), I impulse checked it out.
The author, Courtney Cook, has dealt with various mental health diagnoses for the majority of her life and, at age 23, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. In this graphic-ish memoir, Cook describes the way the symptoms of BPD have affected her throughout her life, even though the official diagnosis came later. From falling in love fast and hard and then driving people away out of fear that they'll leave her, hating and loving herself in equal measure, the hospitalizations and medications and therapy that she's been through, and the moments of comfort in everyday items and food and the sometimes peace in other's arms, Cook covers quite a few of the contradictions and challenges and realities of living with BPD.
Let me start with a very clear and strong content warning for the majority of the topics in this memoir, including but not limited to parental chronic illness, suicidal ideation/attempts, self-harm, hospitalization and residential treatment (including mentions of of the mental illnesses/assault/sexual abuse from other residents), animal death and drug use. I am sure I"m missing something, because Cook held nothing back and used no euphemisms, but I think the point is made and I did my best to list the ones mentioned the most often or with the most detail. So, before picking up this book, please be aware - I do not necessarily have any trigger points connected to these topics and I still moved through reading this slowly, with lots of breaks and reading other books interspersed, because the content was so intense.
To give a bit of my personal reaction to this memoir, as one does in a review, I want to start with the things that I really liked. First, the artwork. The cover was a great indication of what to expect, as far as color and form, and I was thoroughly into it. It is not necessarily a preferred style for me in general, I wouldn't say, but the overall art/writing delivery style created a vibe that felt right, as far as the whole picture of herself Cook was attempting to portray. In other words, the visuals and format matched the content super well. As far as the content itself, I have to say that I deeply respect and admire Cook for how open she was about her experiences with BPD. As she mentions, this is a mental illness that has long been vilified in the media, especially for women, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to share such intimate and personal stories/details on such a public scale, about something so widely misunderstood. She does not shy away from ugly truths, in general about BPD and about herself, and there is so much bravery in that. I was very interested in reading more about BPD, the background info she gives about it factually and specific to her own experiences (as far as medication and therapy and the way it manifests for her and changes/affects her relationships), the public assumptions made about it and people who have it (the differences between men and women, in that regard), and more. It was particularly informative to read about the way she experienced myriad BPD symptoms while growing up, and again how they manifested, but couldn't be diagnosed until so much later because it was seen as a phase/something she'd grow out of, and the diagnosis cannot be made under a certain age anyways.
All that being said, there was something about this memoir that didn't feel quite right. I have postponed writing this review for over a week, in the hopes that whatever it is would come to me. But...it hasn't. Which makes me think that it's at least in part due to me, personally, as a reader, and nothing to do with the memoir itself. But I want to tell you a couple things that I considered, or that seemed a little cringey to me. Overall, I felt like the memoir lacked some perspective. And there is every chance that it's down to the way BPD works that it came across that way. (And also, I totally get that this is a personal memoir, telling a singular and very individual POV, so there's that too.) Cook does a thorough and objective job recognizing her objective privilege, and doing her level best to explain that while she "knows" there's nothing in her life that should "make her" feel the way she does, she can't fight the brain chemistry that's causing it. That is an important and understandable point, and its inclusion is necessary. But it also felt like, at times, Cook over-dropped privilege bombs (international trips and private schooling and others) in such quick passing that they felt more for shock value than to add anything to the narrative of her illness or greater life experience. Also, she mentions differences in BPD perception for women versus men, but nothing in regards to racial or socioeconomic status, so that felt incomplete. All that being said, I also feel a bit wrong criticizing in this way because, as I said, this is a personal and honest mental health portrayal (something that sorely needs larger, legitimate media representation), and at no point does she profess to speak for anyone other than herself. So, again, maybe I'm the problem. But, I want to be transparent about my reactions.
Overall, this was a new and eye-opening perspective for me to read. And coming pretty close on the heels of having read The Collected Schizophrenias and Haben, I am noticing the strong call to name things what they are, because euphemisms only benefit ableism and, really, how does one separate themselves from something that is such an inextricable part of their lives (the "you are not your illness perspective)? The message is clear across mental illness and physical disability and has been deeply noted. But back to this book in particular, I am glad I picked it up. As I said, I did learn from it and really enjoyed the artistic aspects. Though I had my personal vibe issues that I'm continuing to work through, if this sounds like something you'd want to read, I encourage you to do so and see what you think for yourself.
“What do you do when you’re given everything and still feel empty?”
“People often say ‘You’re not your illness’ or ‘Your illness doesn’t define you’ when speaking about mental afflictions, but to say that I’m not borderline as much as I am Courtney is to misspeak. Borderline is a personality disorder that shapes my personality. All my actions and thoughts and emotions are filtered through my borderline brain. Even if I don’t tell anyone about my diagnosis, by simply existing I am outing myself as someone with borderline personality disorder. It’s more than a haunting – it’s a full-on possession.”
“It seems that the root of my obsession is the idea that if I did, or had, or became, this one thing or person, I would feel content, satisfied, whole. The problem with this line of thinking is that no matter what I acquire, I’m still the one who acquired it. No matter whom I emulate, I am still, ultimately, me.”
August 16, 2025
Wow, this was a hard one for me to get through. Which isn't Courtney Cook's fault, and, in fact, speaks a lot to the bravery and authenticity with which she writes about life with Borderline Personality Disorder, one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized health conditions out there.
Even though The Way She Feels is more of a collection of linked essays, it seems roughly chronological. In the first 1/3-1/2 of the book before Cook gets an official diagnosis and starts intensive treatment (although I don't think in that order because apparently BPD can't be diagnosed until adulthood?), I was white-knuckling it.
I've talked before about supporting a (now ex-)friend through two-ish years of chronic suicidality with psychosis. At one point, a doctor floated the idea of BPD. They also have a substantial trauma history, so there was the question of whether the BPD symptoms were just those that are shared with CPTSD, which isn't recognized by the DSM (it is by the ICD).
Anyway. All this to say: some sections of this book definitely increased my anxiety levels. In particular the chapter about her teen years. And even more in particular her relationship with "The Crew" of mentally unwell teens all trying to both uplift their friends and drown themselves. Parts of it brought me back to some personal experiences that are deeply upsetting, and which I believe have continued to impact me several years later. In the spirit of honoring Cook's commitment to honesty, there were times when it was hard not to project my anger onto the book and to refrain from closing off my own sense of empathy.
My own issues aside, I'm glad that there's such an honest account of BPD experience out there. Cook notes there are only a few pieces of media that cover the experience, and I hope more are coming. Even though I mentioned that I wasn't as empathic as I'd like to have been, that's why we read stories in the first place. Overall, sticking with it did deepen my understanding of what it might be like for someone living with, treating, and managing such an intense health condition.
Even though The Way She Feels is more of a collection of linked essays, it seems roughly chronological. In the first 1/3-1/2 of the book before Cook gets an official diagnosis and starts intensive treatment (although I don't think in that order because apparently BPD can't be diagnosed until adulthood?), I was white-knuckling it.
I've talked before about supporting a (now ex-)friend through two-ish years of chronic suicidality with psychosis. At one point, a doctor floated the idea of BPD. They also have a substantial trauma history, so there was the question of whether the BPD symptoms were just those that are shared with CPTSD, which isn't recognized by the DSM (it is by the ICD).
Anyway. All this to say: some sections of this book definitely increased my anxiety levels. In particular the chapter about her teen years. And even more in particular her relationship with "The Crew" of mentally unwell teens all trying to both uplift their friends and drown themselves. Parts of it brought me back to some personal experiences that are deeply upsetting, and which I believe have continued to impact me several years later. In the spirit of honoring Cook's commitment to honesty, there were times when it was hard not to project my anger onto the book and to refrain from closing off my own sense of empathy.
My own issues aside, I'm glad that there's such an honest account of BPD experience out there. Cook notes there are only a few pieces of media that cover the experience, and I hope more are coming. Even though I mentioned that I wasn't as empathic as I'd like to have been, that's why we read stories in the first place. Overall, sticking with it did deepen my understanding of what it might be like for someone living with, treating, and managing such an intense health condition.
January 18, 2021
In her debut graphic memoir, Courtney Cook describes her life with borderline personality disorder, but also, just describes life. You certainly don’t have to have BPD or depression or anxiety to enjoy the book and gain lasting impressions from it — but it helps! Candid and brave, this book will speak to many readers who have felt alone, lost, or like they just don’t live up to others’ expectations. Cook’s colorful illustrations exemplify the different masks and identities she would put on when she didn’t know who she really was. Written in a conversational and witty tone, the book will appeal to those of us who often use humor or self-deprecation to deal with our anxiety, depression, or just our uncomfortable feelings. I appreciated Cook’s reflections on her own privilege in dealing with her mental illness. This is a bold book; unique in its style, tone, and honesty.
CW: suicide, self-harm, mental illness, a couple of lines graphically describing a pet death.
CW: suicide, self-harm, mental illness, a couple of lines graphically describing a pet death.
June 29, 2021
Courtney Cook’s debut illustrated memoir contains a perfect combination of gorgeous art (vibrant color combos galore!) and personal essays that detail her experiences living with borderline personality disorder—if you’re a fan of comics and/or compelling stories you should certainly check out this book!
Courtney gets deeply vulnerable throughout her memoir. She talks about (potentially triggering fyi) topics like self-harm, living in a residential treatment center for teen girls, the ways she learned how BPD manifests itself for her, and therapy. The book acknowledges the way people with BPD have been demonized by pop culture and society in general, and while we do see different aspects of Courtney’s struggles, we also learn a lot about her growth and acceptance and moments of joy.
I really appreciated the candid tone, and the trust Courtney places in her readers. It felt conversational, like hanging out with a pal. This book is so special, and honestly it’s an honor that Courtney lets us into her world through her writing and art.
Thank you Tin House for the copy!
Courtney gets deeply vulnerable throughout her memoir. She talks about (potentially triggering fyi) topics like self-harm, living in a residential treatment center for teen girls, the ways she learned how BPD manifests itself for her, and therapy. The book acknowledges the way people with BPD have been demonized by pop culture and society in general, and while we do see different aspects of Courtney’s struggles, we also learn a lot about her growth and acceptance and moments of joy.
I really appreciated the candid tone, and the trust Courtney places in her readers. It felt conversational, like hanging out with a pal. This book is so special, and honestly it’s an honor that Courtney lets us into her world through her writing and art.
Thank you Tin House for the copy!
March 17, 2022
My first BPD book. Actually the first time I have learned anything about borderline personality disorder, and it’s fascinating and beautiful and sad. Courtney reminds me of a few friends of mine and yet … no one I know now, in middle age. She has written an excellent book with honesty and I recommend it to anyone interested in mental health issues or memoir. ps I may have texted a friend to ask if folks with ASD wonder if they’re borderline because of the insecure sense of self. Yes. Reading this at 19 or 20 would have spiked my own anxiety, depression and self-hatred, I think. My son read this before I did and clearly didn’t identify with her at all - a relief.
September 1, 2021
To be honest, I likely need a therapist a lot more than I need religion
There is so much about Courtney's story that I relate to (both as a teenager and an adult) and I'm so glad I picked this up. I love her art style and how chose to tell her story and I hope to see more from her in the future.
There is so much about Courtney's story that I relate to (both as a teenager and an adult) and I'm so glad I picked this up. I love her art style and how chose to tell her story and I hope to see more from her in the future.
March 2, 2024
3.5/5
this was a really interesting and moving graphic memoir on bpd, and it genuinely made me feel so seen as i’m currently navigating the process of figuring myself out (it is not fun but woo go mental health education raaaa we need more of it!!)
this was a really interesting and moving graphic memoir on bpd, and it genuinely made me feel so seen as i’m currently navigating the process of figuring myself out (it is not fun but woo go mental health education raaaa we need more of it!!)
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