The Soul of the Helper: Seven Stages to Seeing the Sacred Within Yourself So You Can See It in Others

by Holly K. Oxhandler

There are many kinds of helpers in our world, the caregivers among us. They are the social workers who serve the vulnerable, the nurses and doctors who treat the ill, the teachers who instruct the young, the first responders who rescue the imperiled, the faith leaders who comfort the congregation, the volunteers who support the community. And whether or not it is our professional calling, each of us is likely to serve as a caregiver at some point in our lives, as a parent raising a child, for instance, or as a loved one caring for an aging relative. These and many other efforts to serve are among the most noble pursuits we can imagine, but they come with a danger worth recognizing. 

In their devotion to the well-being of others, caregivers routinely put their own well-being  last and can unintentionally burn themselves out physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Their self-neglect, paired alongside a deep desire to help others, has the potential to stir up feelings of anger and resentment, leading to a sense of guilt and shame. They often believe that if they were to grant themselves any rest or grace, they would be at risk of failing in their duty. 

In The Soul of the Helper, Dr. Holly Oxhandler shows caregivers and fellow helpers a more self-compassionate way to cope with their overwhelming responsibilities and to attend to their own needs, particularly when it comes to their mental health and spiritual journey. She invites them to pause and realize that if they let their personal resources run dry, they cannot possibly care for others as fully as they wish. In fact, their efforts are likely to cause more harm than good. 

With a background in spiritually-integrated mental health, Dr. Oxhandler teaches helpers a seven-step process to slow down and reconnect with the stillness within themselves. It is in this space of stillness that Oxhandler guides helpers to reconnect with the “sacred spark” within their soul. By allowing themselves to enter that stillness, caregivers will recognize that they, too, are worthy of care. And with that realization, they will see anew the sacred spark that dwells inside everyone else, especially within those they’re helping.

As a social worker, researcher, and person of faith, Dr. Oxhandler writes in a warm and welcoming style, shares many relatable stories, and widens her scope to include believers of all faiths and spiritual traditions. Her book is for caregivers everywhere who sense the sacred spark within them saying, in effect: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Health

240 pages, Hardcover

Published February 28, 2022

About the author

Holly K. Oxhandler, PhD, LMSW, is an associate professor and associate dean for research and faculty development at Baylor University’s Diana R. Garland School of Social Work. For over a decade, Dr. Oxhandler has studied and developed tools to assess mental health care providers’ integration of clients’ spirituality in treatment, helping professionals’ infusion of their own faith in their work, and clients’ views toward discussing their spirituality in mental health care.

Dr. Oxhandler has written extensively for top professional journals within social work and psychology, and her research has been featured in the Washington Post, Religion News Service, and more. She also cohosts the weekly podcast, CXMH: A Podcast on Faith and Mental Health. She lives in Waco, Texas, with her husband and their two children.

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Reviews

[Holly G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really special book for anyone who values the chance to be a safe, caring presence for others. As a social worker I found valuable information and meaningful content from start to finish. There is a very gentle accountability to this book. The author consistently returns to the ways a helper has to care for themselves, and she’s does this artfully. I’m so happy to have read this book, and I look forward to sharing it with my fellow helpers.

[Victoria Gehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fellow helper who has struggled with extreme burnout, this book was relatable and encouraging. Coming out of a season of burnout followed by intense healing and learning to care for myself, I found that this book echoes so many of the important lessons I have learned and am continuing to learn. The Soul of the Helper is one I plan to return to as often as needed. Dr. Holly Oxhandler does a wonderful job walking us through Namaste Theory and the seven steps towards seeing the sacred within ourselves so that we can see it in others. I appreciated how practical this book was - offering personal examples and practical suggestions I can actually utilize in order to implement and apply what I have learned. The personal examples helped me to feel less alone in my struggles. And, so often we hear that we need to care for ourselves, but how? Dr. Oxhandler actually helps us get to the "so what?" and learn how to begin the hard but beautiful work of caring for ourselves. She reminds us that we are worth it, that Jesus rested and that "without shaming us, God grieves while watching us burnout, wishing we would steward the gift of our life by learning to discern what is ours to do, one moment at a time." (That was probably my favorite quote from this book and really hit hard for me). This book is a needed reminder to see the Sacred in ourselves and others - and that we cannot do this fully without first learning to tend to our own souls. The Soul of the Helper was a tremendous blessing to me, and I highly recommend it.

[Amber HK · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the timeliness of Dr. Oxhandler’s book! It was a needed reset button from years of operating in survival mode as a school social worker. I found her approach of blending academia and practical steps very accessible. I see myself coming back to these seven steps as I continue cultivating soul care practices.

With that said, I do find myself still struggling with her use of Namaste for the name of the theory. She provided a lot of context and resources to ensure she used the word with respect, but I wonder how this will land for those who are part of the Southeast Asian community. I am also curious how this would be accessible to folks outside of a Christian background in general. Dr. Oxhandler does help introduce themes across religious contexts, but I hope more faith traditions consider building upon her research to see how it aligns with their teachings and spiritual practices. Overall, I found a lot of value in the seven steps proposed, and I would recommend it to others.

[Holly Oxhandler]

Instead of rating the book, I wanted to take this opportunity to warmly welcome my readers! I'm deeply grateful for your interest in The Soul of the Helper, for your honest review of this book, and for your presence in our world. If you'd like to learn more about this book, the research behind it, or relevant resources, please visit hollyoxhandler.com for more information.

My wholehearted hope is that this book serves you well, fellow helpers, in the many ways you serve others throughout your journey. May you know that your life is a gift, breathe deep, and remember how truly loved you are as you are in this moment.

Kindly,
Holly

[Holly Reimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was practical and on point for one who is an emotional and spiritual caregiver. I am grateful for Holly’s writing as it pertains to so much of my own life and work.

As she asks of the reader at the end, here are my “so-what’s”:

If I don’t care for others I’m going to bleed out over others.

I am doing this work because I want to be healthy.

I need to pay attention to the check engine light. Ignoring it will lead to failure to move.

[Courtney Haworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book and I highly recommend. Dr. Oxhandler writes from a place of grounded research in spirituality and also personal experience. She shares vulnerably about her own journey and weaves relatable stories throughout the chapters. As a social worker and researcher, I deeply appreciate the insights, words of encouragement, and calls for reflection in The Soul of The Helper. Each chapter ends with a few suggestions for reflection. These simple invitations provide the reader space to think, feel, breathe, and be. Grateful for this book and for Holly who is sharing this meaningful work with others.

[Ann Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource for anyone in a helping profession or anyone who is dedicated to the care of others. It provides a path, grounded in Christian spiritual practices, to care for one's own soul. It guides the reader on a path that goes much deeper than simple "steps" to prevent burn out, but rather invites one into deeper emotional and spiritual healing. As a therapist myself, I am well aware that I cannot take others where i have not gone myself. This book guides the helper in going to deep places of healing and connection to God so that this depth can, in turn, be used to hold space of others in their own journey.

[Dreamers.hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a helping professional and fellow social worker, I'm extremely thankful for the practicality of this work by Dr Oxhandler and for the application at the end of each chapter. Dr Oxhandler writes this book as if penning a letter to fellow helping professionals - not only as an academic but also from personal growth and experiences from her own soul. I am thankful to be reading this piece and have shared it with other helping professionals as well in hopes that we all continue engaging with self, soul and community care!

[Rachel Gillespie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent read for any and all helpers who want to better honor their souls and honor the soul of those they work with. In a field where we often times stay away from talking about the spiritual, Holly reminds us the importance of spirituality in the helping profession and how we can cultivate care for ourselves and deeper care for each other. She intertwines her own stories of how she’s navigated academia and burnout and gives the readers exercises to reflect on their own soul journey.

[Kendall Fountain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so grateful for Dr. Oxhandler’s vulnerability, wisdom, and grace. Spirituality is a vital part of every person, spiritual health is a part of our holistic health! We helpers can often tend to place our own health on the back burner to prioritize others, but our personal healing is vital for us to help others heal. Pastors, chaplains, therapists, social workers, teachers, etc… you need this book ❤️

[Aliya Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Soul of the Helper: Seven Stages to Seeing the Sacred Within Yourself So You Can See It in Others (Spirituality and Mental Health) beautifully explores the interconnected dance of life, spirit, and rhythm. The book encourages readers to find their unique dance within the cosmic choreography, revealing the sacredness in every step and heartbeat.

[Joshua Carney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading Atlas of the Heart, but I wanted something to take me to the next level, so I set down BB's book and picked HO's Soul of the Helper. Not since Nick Saban put Tua in the 2nd half of the 2018 has such a great substitution been made. Oxhandler brings wit, charm, academic integrity and most importantly, some first hand knowledge of the great lakes to epic tome of Namaste theory. If you want to remain mediocre and stay in middle management for the rest of your life, then I'd say don't read this. But if you want some self-development that would melt the face off of the enneagram itself, then I dare you to read this book.

[Karen Hurula · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book for it's perspective on self-care and self-compassion. That caring for others can only start from a posture of caring for myself, if it is to be healthy and sustainable for the long haul.

[Christa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holly’s book gave me permission to begin my day in less of a rush (with the word “peace” as I breathe) and to truly find margin in my day, versus running only scattered. What a gift this book was to the soul of this helper!

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really good book for me to read right now. While I'm not at the professional stage of burnout that I was a few years ago, it is a struggle to see the best or the sacred in some people right now; this book was very encouraging in this way.

[Jennifer Newell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be an annual read for me. As an Ennegram 2 this is a must read. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Brynn Eaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful!!!! Would recommend to everyone! Such good reminders about our identity as the beloved and practical steps for slowing down our busy lives to recognize the sacred all around. Namaste💛

[Merideth Estevez · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much great info for care givers and even though we don’t identify as helpers! We all need to remember the sacredness in each other and start with ourselves!

[M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good read.

[bre p · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oxhandler is a social worker who studies the intersection of mental health and spirituality. She comes from a Catholic and protestant background but utilizes spiritual ideas from several different cultures and traditions as a way to help ourselves and help others. I felt a sense of warmth and compassion as a reader, which is always lovely. :) Really love this one and I’ll be recommending this to all my helping professional friends.

[Kayla Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Soul of the Helper is a deep exhale and a warm embrace for all who care for others but too easily forget to care for themselves. Dr. Oxhandler’s expansive, approachable work will shine a guiding light into your heart, mind, body, and soul—helping you release what is not yours to hold so that you might be more awake to the belovedness that radiates within you and around you.