What do you think?
Rate this book
Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter's Search for Truth and Renewal
In this “seismically moving memoir” ( The New York Times Book Review, Editors’ Choice), one woman asks a seemingly impossible question in the aftermath of her mother’s How do you mourn a loved one as you repair the injuries they inflicted?
“Laura Trujillo resurfaces from the dark ‘sub-basement’ of despair with assurances for us There is hope. There is healing. Always, there is love. This book will save lives.”—Connie Schultz, author of The Daughters of Erietown
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE The New Yorker
Laura Trujillo had been close to her mother for most of her adult life, raising her four children within a few miles of their beloved grandmother’s Phoenix home. But just three months after moving her young family to Cincinnati for a new job, Laura receives shocking Her mother had taken her own life—by jumping off a ledge into the Grand Canyon, a place Laura knew her mother had always loved.
Laura and her mother had shared a profound and special bond, yet each had also kept from the other the deepest truths about their lives. As an adult, Laura finally broke her silence about the sexual abuse she had suffered as a teenager at the hands of her stepfather—a secret Laura had buried to protect her mother. After her mother’s death, Laura embarks on an emotional odyssey, searching for clues that could explain the depression, intergenerational trauma, and shared heartbreaks in her family. When she returns to the Grand Canyon, it becomes an oasis that nurtures Laura’s search for redemption and peace. As Laura wrestles with her feelings, she forges a new path forward.
Moving and intimate, powerfully told, Stepping Back from the Ledge is a remarkable exploration of the bond between a mother and daughter, and of the hope that can come from facing the truth.
“Laura Trujillo resurfaces from the dark ‘sub-basement’ of despair with assurances for us There is hope. There is healing. Always, there is love. This book will save lives.”—Connie Schultz, author of The Daughters of Erietown
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE The New Yorker
Laura Trujillo had been close to her mother for most of her adult life, raising her four children within a few miles of their beloved grandmother’s Phoenix home. But just three months after moving her young family to Cincinnati for a new job, Laura receives shocking Her mother had taken her own life—by jumping off a ledge into the Grand Canyon, a place Laura knew her mother had always loved.
Laura and her mother had shared a profound and special bond, yet each had also kept from the other the deepest truths about their lives. As an adult, Laura finally broke her silence about the sexual abuse she had suffered as a teenager at the hands of her stepfather—a secret Laura had buried to protect her mother. After her mother’s death, Laura embarks on an emotional odyssey, searching for clues that could explain the depression, intergenerational trauma, and shared heartbreaks in her family. When she returns to the Grand Canyon, it becomes an oasis that nurtures Laura’s search for redemption and peace. As Laura wrestles with her feelings, she forges a new path forward.
Moving and intimate, powerfully told, Stepping Back from the Ledge is a remarkable exploration of the bond between a mother and daughter, and of the hope that can come from facing the truth.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published April 19, 2022
38 people are currently reading
2376 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
June 28, 2022
After the tragic heartbreaking loss of her beloved mother to suicide on April 26th, 2012, Laura Trujillo began her search for knowledge and understanding. “Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter’s Search for Truth and Renewal” (2022) is a profound meaningful account of her journey that included revisiting the magnetic splendor and beauty of the Grand Canyon. Trujillo lives in Ohio with her husband and is the managing editor of Life and Entertainment at USA TODAY.
The mother-daughter bond was always so close it seemed unbreakable. Trujillo and her sister were raised in Phoenix, AZ. Following her parents' divorce, her father lived nearby and co-parented with her mother on good terms. As a retired nurse and hospital administrator, her mother had numerous close friends and associates that sincerely valued her service and friendship—she was adored and celebrated by her family members. Yet, underneath all this happiness and success of her mother’s life, there were several undisclosed facts concerning mental illness--in addition, Trujillo carried a secret burden of a terrible truth—one that would positively ruin her mother’s happiness if she knew, and forever alter their family dynamic.
The love and support of her husband and children allowed Trujillo to retrace and understand every detail of her mother’s life just before her suicide: which included counseling by her parish priest. Trujillo traveled to the scenic point in the Grand Canyon where she hiked with her mother as a teen and discovered her mother’s name listed in a memorial booklet sold in the gift shop (2016). Although it was unsettling to see her mother’s name in print, even the vastness and depth of the Grand Canyon couldn’t hold the tender love for her mother that remained. **With thanks to Random House Publishing via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
The mother-daughter bond was always so close it seemed unbreakable. Trujillo and her sister were raised in Phoenix, AZ. Following her parents' divorce, her father lived nearby and co-parented with her mother on good terms. As a retired nurse and hospital administrator, her mother had numerous close friends and associates that sincerely valued her service and friendship—she was adored and celebrated by her family members. Yet, underneath all this happiness and success of her mother’s life, there were several undisclosed facts concerning mental illness--in addition, Trujillo carried a secret burden of a terrible truth—one that would positively ruin her mother’s happiness if she knew, and forever alter their family dynamic.
The love and support of her husband and children allowed Trujillo to retrace and understand every detail of her mother’s life just before her suicide: which included counseling by her parish priest. Trujillo traveled to the scenic point in the Grand Canyon where she hiked with her mother as a teen and discovered her mother’s name listed in a memorial booklet sold in the gift shop (2016). Although it was unsettling to see her mother’s name in print, even the vastness and depth of the Grand Canyon couldn’t hold the tender love for her mother that remained. **With thanks to Random House Publishing via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
April 15, 2023
I feel tremendous empathy for Trujillo. What the sexual abuse and her family’s reaction to it put her through are heart-wrenching. Her mother’s deliberate plunge to her death is shocking, but not surprising, revealed as it is on the book jacket.
But for all the nearly unimaginable grist here, this memoir stays at the surface and feels preternaturally rushed, a smooth, flat stone skimming across a surpassingly shallow pond.
I think of Karen Armstrong’s “The Spiral Staircase,” and her later admission that her first pass at telling the story of leaving the novitiate, “Through the Narrow Gate,” was written too soon and without enough distance. That is absolutely the case here.
Trujillo’s in quite a rush to impose order upon chaos. Desperate to pen and quiet the unruly mental livestock. Unfortunately, the chaos is what’s interesting and most deeply human in this book. And I wanted more of it.
I stopped myself from underlining in a Hennepin County library loan some of the teeth-grindingly pat answers found within this book, including, but not limited to: “Yes. Sometimes my mother was happy.” I can’t… I can’t…I mean, sure. Broken clocks, twice a day, etc…But THAT’S what passes for revelation?
Where was editorial guidance here? Whither the encouragement to be shattered, raw and ugly, and then to rebuild? Is there no Random House job aid—a handout, a worksheet, SOMETHING—for rookie memoirists on successfully plumbing one’s inner depths? Someone needs to create one STAT.
I hope Trujillo will take another pass at this subject again one day, because the bones of this story are jaw-dropping. She has BIG things to say here, but doesn’t say them, so intent is she on shying away from her own rage. Until she can access and tap it, we are left with this tepid thing.
Natalie Goldberg would tell you this, Laura Trujillo: “It’s time to cut the daisy from your throat,” meaning that it is (past) time to stop pacifying your family by banking the fires of your own truth.
Plant your feet, breathe from your belly, lay your head back, and f***ing HOWL.
But for all the nearly unimaginable grist here, this memoir stays at the surface and feels preternaturally rushed, a smooth, flat stone skimming across a surpassingly shallow pond.
I think of Karen Armstrong’s “The Spiral Staircase,” and her later admission that her first pass at telling the story of leaving the novitiate, “Through the Narrow Gate,” was written too soon and without enough distance. That is absolutely the case here.
Trujillo’s in quite a rush to impose order upon chaos. Desperate to pen and quiet the unruly mental livestock. Unfortunately, the chaos is what’s interesting and most deeply human in this book. And I wanted more of it.
I stopped myself from underlining in a Hennepin County library loan some of the teeth-grindingly pat answers found within this book, including, but not limited to: “Yes. Sometimes my mother was happy.” I can’t… I can’t…I mean, sure. Broken clocks, twice a day, etc…But THAT’S what passes for revelation?
Where was editorial guidance here? Whither the encouragement to be shattered, raw and ugly, and then to rebuild? Is there no Random House job aid—a handout, a worksheet, SOMETHING—for rookie memoirists on successfully plumbing one’s inner depths? Someone needs to create one STAT.
I hope Trujillo will take another pass at this subject again one day, because the bones of this story are jaw-dropping. She has BIG things to say here, but doesn’t say them, so intent is she on shying away from her own rage. Until she can access and tap it, we are left with this tepid thing.
Natalie Goldberg would tell you this, Laura Trujillo: “It’s time to cut the daisy from your throat,” meaning that it is (past) time to stop pacifying your family by banking the fires of your own truth.
Plant your feet, breathe from your belly, lay your head back, and f***ing HOWL.
January 11, 2022
I found this a compelling read about a woman’s battle to deal with her mother’s suicide. She found herself really struggling in the time after learning of her mom’s death, and takes off on a search for answers. She used counseling, medication, and trying to get answers herself for why her mother made the choice she did. It’s a tough subject, but it handled with honest and compassion. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
May 18, 2023
People often say that they have a hard time rating memoir because they are putting a star value on another person's life. I have never had that problem. I am rating the way in which stories are conveyed. To my mind if you are going to publish rather than just keeping a personal journal there needs to be a reason for others to read your story (other than creepy nosiness) and you have to be able to tell the story well. On both of those ratings scale this book succeeds. First, Trujillo demystifies suicide and the destructive power of long held secrets and in doing so I think she offers a framework within which people who have lost someone to suicide to contextualize the confusion and guilt and pain. Second, I honestly believe that the way she presents this may make those convinced that death by suicide makes sense for them rethink that. Third, Trujillo writes well in a reportorial way and seems to lay herself absolutely bare which bolsters the power of her messaging and builds trust with readers.
I cannot speak knowledgably to the second point, but I have survived the suicide of someone close to me, and like Trujillo certain people (including the person who died by suicide) blamed me. And as with Trujillo I had done something which had to be done -- said something that had to be said -- and that thing may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. This is a thing that is nearly impossible to live with, 40 years later it still haunts me, and Trujillo does a very good job talking about the process of choosing to die by suicide and digging into history as recalled by many people (all of whom hold different puzzle pieces) to show that no one ends their life because of one event. That was personally helpful for me. I knew it to be true intellectually, but her showing that process and bringing together previously unconnected scraps of information that has been left with many made it more true emotionally.
I recommend this book to anyone with a personal connection to the material, whether they themselves or someone who matters to them are considering or have taken action toward death by suicide. Others might find it a bit plodding, though it is quite brief. For me a 3.5.
I cannot speak knowledgably to the second point, but I have survived the suicide of someone close to me, and like Trujillo certain people (including the person who died by suicide) blamed me. And as with Trujillo I had done something which had to be done -- said something that had to be said -- and that thing may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. This is a thing that is nearly impossible to live with, 40 years later it still haunts me, and Trujillo does a very good job talking about the process of choosing to die by suicide and digging into history as recalled by many people (all of whom hold different puzzle pieces) to show that no one ends their life because of one event. That was personally helpful for me. I knew it to be true intellectually, but her showing that process and bringing together previously unconnected scraps of information that has been left with many made it more true emotionally.
I recommend this book to anyone with a personal connection to the material, whether they themselves or someone who matters to them are considering or have taken action toward death by suicide. Others might find it a bit plodding, though it is quite brief. For me a 3.5.
April 29, 2022
This memoir is a long essay rather than a well thought-out re-telling of a fraught event and its unrelenting effects. Towards the end of the book, one of the author's sons asks her why she's not angry and I felt the same way. The author doesn't really explore the stages of grief associated with a suicide. Because she feels somehow to blame, she stays at the level of self-pity and self-indulgence rather than dealing with the myriad complexities not just of a family member deciding to take their life, suddenly and inexplicably, which is how suicide happens; but, also, the horrible sexual abuse she endured from her stepfather. Why doesn't the author explore her anger, with her mother, her abuser, with family members who blame her? This is an unfinished memoir. It is alot of meandering about her thoughts and how she kept herself from taking her own life but also research about suicides which is unnecessary. This should have been a book about the author empowering herself to stop the blame and confront family members who were avoidant, dismissive and altogether discompassionate, including her mother, about her abuse. Her father is a nonexistent character in the picture until the end of the book and then only several pages in which she lets him get away with not talking about it. What a coward. I found myself feeling anger for the author, for her children, and for the parent who she somehow released of blame and revered even in her death.
December 22, 2021
This was heart-wrenching and I thought the author so eloquently put her story into words, generously displaying emotional intelligence, compassion, and forgiveness. I was so saddened by the lack of validation upon unravelling the devastating truth, and the betrayal she further suffered with loved ones who turned their backs. I felt anger at a loving note that was still disclosed to him after what he had done, although I try my best to refrain from judgement.
I feel she has endured so much and the truth is the truth, she was always right to tell it. This story was upsetting at times and I applaud the author for telling it in such a thoughtful and respectful manner which betrays both her generosity and empathy. She navigated the difficult path of grief and depression and tried to make sense out of the unthinkable.
I thought this poignant phrase was very thought-provoking and powerful:
‘And the thing with suicide is this: Everyone has their own part of a story, and many don’t want to share. There is shame for some, and for others there is blame. Many don’t want to talk about it, They don’t want to answer questions or even remember the past. There’s no one who has the answer, and sometimes the bits they have, they lock inside. Or they remember the way they can or want. They want to protect the memory of the person they love.’
4.5 stars.
I feel she has endured so much and the truth is the truth, she was always right to tell it. This story was upsetting at times and I applaud the author for telling it in such a thoughtful and respectful manner which betrays both her generosity and empathy. She navigated the difficult path of grief and depression and tried to make sense out of the unthinkable.
I thought this poignant phrase was very thought-provoking and powerful:
‘And the thing with suicide is this: Everyone has their own part of a story, and many don’t want to share. There is shame for some, and for others there is blame. Many don’t want to talk about it, They don’t want to answer questions or even remember the past. There’s no one who has the answer, and sometimes the bits they have, they lock inside. Or they remember the way they can or want. They want to protect the memory of the person they love.’
4.5 stars.
July 21, 2022
The article, written by Trujillo, that predated this book was quite fascinating, and I found it especially so because suicide is also part of my family history. But I'm not sure there's enough of this story to fill a book. The reader discovers most of the facts about halfway through, which gives some of the subsequent chapters a filler quality; it's beautifully written and educational, but not necessarily pertinent to the story. I also sensed that Trujillo might be an unreliable narrator, which is nothing out of the ordinary when dealing with a memoir, but certain facts she reveals about her deceased mother made me wonder if she was truly the wonderful woman her daughter is mourning so bitterly.
Suicide is devastating for those left behind, so kudos to Trujillo for writing about this painful topic so beautifully, but the book seems a bit off, or at least incomplete.
Suicide is devastating for those left behind, so kudos to Trujillo for writing about this painful topic so beautifully, but the book seems a bit off, or at least incomplete.
January 24, 2022
This memoir, about suicide and the secrets we keep from the people we love most, is beautifully written, well-reported and bravely told. As a former journalist, I really appreciated Laura's consideration and dissection of the places where her story overlaps with her children's, her family's; the places where her mom's story is part of someone else's experience; and who gets to tell what part.
This is a book written with honesty and courage and immense care.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.
This is a book written with honesty and courage and immense care.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.
April 7, 2022
Trujillo writes a poignant memoir about a difficult subject: suicide. Her mother ended her life at the Grand Canyon in 2012. It happened months after her daughter, Trujillo, finally revealed a deep,secret, she had been sexually abused for years by her mother’s husband. The book details how the author has grappled with her mother’s death, studying and retracing her last movements and thoughts.
It’s a must read for anyone who has lost anyone to suicide.
Thanks to Random House and NetGalley for the advance read.
It’s a must read for anyone who has lost anyone to suicide.
Thanks to Random House and NetGalley for the advance read.
September 10, 2023
Read this in a few hours in one sitting..could not put it down. Tragic story of a woman who suffered sexual abuse and then her own mother dying by suicide. The way she wrote so authentic and unbothered by what her family, friends or people would think is exactly why I will recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Its a story of human suffering that we all can relate to.
June 7, 2022
When I was a young woman, mother of a toddler, a good friend of mine took her own life. Her family said almost nothing about the circumstances, even describing her death as "an accident." I missed her terribly after she died. For all the intervening years, whenever I thought about her I've begun to wonder all over again.
Trujillo's remarkable book comes very close to mirroring my own feelings as I remember my friend and think about her life.
The author's mother died by suicide by jumping over the edge of a Grand Canyon overlook. The shockwave of her mother's death sent the daughter into a depressive spiral to the point where she herself made plans to kill herself.
The book traces this experience - the shock of the death, the guilt, the long recovery from the heavy time of depression.
It's not always easy to keep turning pages, but in the end, very worthwhile.
Trujillo's remarkable book comes very close to mirroring my own feelings as I remember my friend and think about her life.
The author's mother died by suicide by jumping over the edge of a Grand Canyon overlook. The shockwave of her mother's death sent the daughter into a depressive spiral to the point where she herself made plans to kill herself.
The book traces this experience - the shock of the death, the guilt, the long recovery from the heavy time of depression.
It's not always easy to keep turning pages, but in the end, very worthwhile.
July 7, 2022
As someone who knows suicide as intimately as Trujillo, I could relate to her story in many ways. She writes some of the same things I have: a list of her mother's remaining possessions, an exploration of what brought her mother to the point of jumping off the Grand Canyon, an examination of how suicide is viewed in this country, a reflection on how she continues to live knowing her mother is gone.
Her story is deeply sad, made more so by the fact that her biological father, her aunt and her grandmother refuse to speak to her on the matter and the latter two blame her for the death.
Perhaps because she is unable to extract details from them, the story itself feels incomplete as if it is not fully rounded out. Maybe too she needs more time to process the events, more time to play with the memoir's structure.
Her story is deeply sad, made more so by the fact that her biological father, her aunt and her grandmother refuse to speak to her on the matter and the latter two blame her for the death.
Perhaps because she is unable to extract details from them, the story itself feels incomplete as if it is not fully rounded out. Maybe too she needs more time to process the events, more time to play with the memoir's structure.
June 16, 2022
3.5 This was a quick, compelling read, with a massive content warning, re: suicide. The author is a journalist and the book has the pacing of book-length literary journalism.
January 31, 2023
It feels like the author had more to do before deciding this book was finished.
April 23, 2023
This was a beautifully written horror story about how children are groomed by their parents to be subhuman.
At the time she wrote this memoir, Laura Trujillo had still not fully reclaimed her humanity - and perhaps never will.
There are two monsters in this story: a sex offender who raped his stepdaughter for years, and a woman who willingly shared a bed with the man who repeatedly raped her child.
Laura Trujillo's book is written as though her mother's suicide is the central tragedy. It is not.
The central tragedy is how unprotected this girl was, how parentified she was, how her narcissistic mother fed off her attention while providing her with no emotional intimacy, and severely impaired her ability to be intimate with others.
How can you talk to your mother every single day for your entire adult life and never discuss the fact that the man she is married to raped you repeatedly from the ages of 15 through 20?
How can you be married to a man for twenty years, have four children with him, and never tell him that your stepfather - a man you still see on every holiday -raped you repeatedly from the ages 15 through 20?
It's easy: you just dissociate from your own inner life to make the outside look good. It's a terrible and lonely price to pay, but many survivors pay it under threat of punishment.
When Laura Trujillo spoke the truth out loud, her mother's implied threat (if you tell, I will punish you) came to pass: she punished her daughter in an extremely cruel and narcissistic way.
Committing suicide immediately after her daughter dared to share her own pain out loud wasn't enough for this narcissist; she had to kill herself in the most self aggrandizing way, by leaping into the Grand Canyon.
The man who raped her daughter made her happy, so her daughter protected her by enduring those rapes for years and by enduring an isolating silence for decades.
When her daughter finally dared to assert her own humanity by telling the truth, she was brutally punished.
"See what you made me do? You stopped taking care of me and now I am dead. Because of you." That's the message her mother left her with.
A predator can smell vulnerability like a shark smells blood.
Laura's stepfather/rapist could smell the fact that Laura had no parental protection. He knew he could get away with raping her. And he could. And he did. Because Laura's mother chose her own needs over those of her daughter.
After Laura's mother committed suicide, Laura's older sister brought meals to their rapist/stepfather, because Laura's mother "would have wanted it that way".
What kind of mother wants to feed her child's rapist?
Laura never seems to ask herself how she would treat a man who raped her own daughter.
It is taken as a given that this concern is a kindness rather than a violation.
And that scares me for Laura's children, nieces, and nephews.
Sexual abuse never happens in a vacuum. There is typically a whole system set up to support the sexual abuse.
In a family where "good" mothers protect the men who rape their children, children are not safe.
I fear that by centering the pain her mother suffered from hearing the truth spoken out loud, rather than her own pain of being raped repeatedly under her mother's "care", Laura Trujillo is perpetuating the system that allowed her to be raped in the first place.
I sincerely hope that Laura Trujillo steps much further back from the ledge, and that she makes sure her children do as well.
At the time she wrote this memoir, Laura Trujillo had still not fully reclaimed her humanity - and perhaps never will.
There are two monsters in this story: a sex offender who raped his stepdaughter for years, and a woman who willingly shared a bed with the man who repeatedly raped her child.
Laura Trujillo's book is written as though her mother's suicide is the central tragedy. It is not.
The central tragedy is how unprotected this girl was, how parentified she was, how her narcissistic mother fed off her attention while providing her with no emotional intimacy, and severely impaired her ability to be intimate with others.
How can you talk to your mother every single day for your entire adult life and never discuss the fact that the man she is married to raped you repeatedly from the ages of 15 through 20?
How can you be married to a man for twenty years, have four children with him, and never tell him that your stepfather - a man you still see on every holiday -raped you repeatedly from the ages 15 through 20?
It's easy: you just dissociate from your own inner life to make the outside look good. It's a terrible and lonely price to pay, but many survivors pay it under threat of punishment.
When Laura Trujillo spoke the truth out loud, her mother's implied threat (if you tell, I will punish you) came to pass: she punished her daughter in an extremely cruel and narcissistic way.
Committing suicide immediately after her daughter dared to share her own pain out loud wasn't enough for this narcissist; she had to kill herself in the most self aggrandizing way, by leaping into the Grand Canyon.
The man who raped her daughter made her happy, so her daughter protected her by enduring those rapes for years and by enduring an isolating silence for decades.
When her daughter finally dared to assert her own humanity by telling the truth, she was brutally punished.
"See what you made me do? You stopped taking care of me and now I am dead. Because of you." That's the message her mother left her with.
A predator can smell vulnerability like a shark smells blood.
Laura's stepfather/rapist could smell the fact that Laura had no parental protection. He knew he could get away with raping her. And he could. And he did. Because Laura's mother chose her own needs over those of her daughter.
After Laura's mother committed suicide, Laura's older sister brought meals to their rapist/stepfather, because Laura's mother "would have wanted it that way".
What kind of mother wants to feed her child's rapist?
Laura never seems to ask herself how she would treat a man who raped her own daughter.
It is taken as a given that this concern is a kindness rather than a violation.
And that scares me for Laura's children, nieces, and nephews.
Sexual abuse never happens in a vacuum. There is typically a whole system set up to support the sexual abuse.
In a family where "good" mothers protect the men who rape their children, children are not safe.
I fear that by centering the pain her mother suffered from hearing the truth spoken out loud, rather than her own pain of being raped repeatedly under her mother's "care", Laura Trujillo is perpetuating the system that allowed her to be raped in the first place.
I sincerely hope that Laura Trujillo steps much further back from the ledge, and that she makes sure her children do as well.
December 2, 2022
Laura Trujillo’s is a rape survivor. In her book, “Stepping Back from the ledge” she writes about her parents being divorced at age 11. And when she was 15, she was raped countless times by her mother’s second husband. He would sneak into her room at night and Laura said she would be quiet, fearing worse things could happen if she spoke out. The cycle continued even during college breaks home. Trujillo kept silent about the abuse until she was 40, when, with the help of a psychologist, shared what her mom’s second husband did to her while they are still married.
Laura had been close to her mother for most of her adult life, raising her four children within a few miles of their beloved grandmother’s Phoenix home. But just three months after moving her young family to Cincinnati for a new job, Laura receives shocking news: Her mother had taken her own life—by jumping off a ledge into the Grand Canyon, a place Laura knew her mother had always loved.
Laura now struggles with guilt, wondering what if she never told her mom about her husband raping her. What if she didn’t move far away. At her mom’s funeral she writes that her own family members were mad at her for telling her mom after all these years. Laura felt so guilty she even wanted to apologize to the predator stepfather.
To me this there are way too many details being left out. Why doesn't she explore her anger, with her mother, her abuser, with family members who blame her? This is an unfinished memoir. There are certain facts she reveals about her deceased mother that made me wonder if she was truly the wonderful woman her daughter is mourning so bitterly.
This could have been a better book to me if it would have been about why did Laura at past age 40 and having four children decide to confront her mother now about what her 2nd husband did to her. Why not confront the stepfather instead? Did you discuss with your therapist what repercussions could happen? Where was Laura’s husband in all this? What did he have to say about it?
Instead, Trujillo, a journalist, uses park-service reports to reconstruct a timeline of her mother’s final journey. Laura writes that suicide is frustrating in that way: Only one person ‘gets’ an ending; the rest of us are left with a story abandoned mid-sentence.” I don’t think it’s a mystery – I think Laura telling her mom what her stepfather did led her to the decision of stepping off the ledge.
This book left me with a lot of questions.
Did she regret ever not screaming when this creep entered her room?
Why not barricade the door?
How did her mom never notice anything? Why is my husband not in bed with me? Did the mom ever notice any changes in Laura? How did he get away with this?
She mentioned she has an older sister. Where was your sister and real father in all this?
Did you have any boyfriends in high school and college?
Did this creep use protection?
Why on earth would you still allow this to happen to you after coming home during college breaks?
She mentions the stepfather was an alcoholic and her mom went to Al anon meetings. Was she codependent? Did she drink a lot too?
This should have been a book about the author empowering herself to stop the blame and confront family members who were avoidant, dismissive, and altogether discompassionate, including her mother, about her abuse.
Laura had been close to her mother for most of her adult life, raising her four children within a few miles of their beloved grandmother’s Phoenix home. But just three months after moving her young family to Cincinnati for a new job, Laura receives shocking news: Her mother had taken her own life—by jumping off a ledge into the Grand Canyon, a place Laura knew her mother had always loved.
Laura now struggles with guilt, wondering what if she never told her mom about her husband raping her. What if she didn’t move far away. At her mom’s funeral she writes that her own family members were mad at her for telling her mom after all these years. Laura felt so guilty she even wanted to apologize to the predator stepfather.
To me this there are way too many details being left out. Why doesn't she explore her anger, with her mother, her abuser, with family members who blame her? This is an unfinished memoir. There are certain facts she reveals about her deceased mother that made me wonder if she was truly the wonderful woman her daughter is mourning so bitterly.
This could have been a better book to me if it would have been about why did Laura at past age 40 and having four children decide to confront her mother now about what her 2nd husband did to her. Why not confront the stepfather instead? Did you discuss with your therapist what repercussions could happen? Where was Laura’s husband in all this? What did he have to say about it?
Instead, Trujillo, a journalist, uses park-service reports to reconstruct a timeline of her mother’s final journey. Laura writes that suicide is frustrating in that way: Only one person ‘gets’ an ending; the rest of us are left with a story abandoned mid-sentence.” I don’t think it’s a mystery – I think Laura telling her mom what her stepfather did led her to the decision of stepping off the ledge.
This book left me with a lot of questions.
Did she regret ever not screaming when this creep entered her room?
Why not barricade the door?
How did her mom never notice anything? Why is my husband not in bed with me? Did the mom ever notice any changes in Laura? How did he get away with this?
She mentioned she has an older sister. Where was your sister and real father in all this?
Did you have any boyfriends in high school and college?
Did this creep use protection?
Why on earth would you still allow this to happen to you after coming home during college breaks?
She mentions the stepfather was an alcoholic and her mom went to Al anon meetings. Was she codependent? Did she drink a lot too?
This should have been a book about the author empowering herself to stop the blame and confront family members who were avoidant, dismissive, and altogether discompassionate, including her mother, about her abuse.
May 4, 2022
A grieving and confused daughter, Laura Trujillo wrote “Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter’s Search for Truth and Renewal” after her mother ended her life by jumping from the edge of the Grand Canyon. She wanted to understand how such a thing could have happened and whether she could have done anything to prevent it.
Six months before her mother’s death, at her therapist’s advice, Trujillo disclosed to her mother that she had been sexually abused by her stepfather for years as a teenager. She was then 40-years-old.
After her mother’s death, family members turned their backs on her. Instead of being angry at her stepfather, they blamed her for her mother’s death. While they knew how desperately her mother was struggling with depression, Trujillo was unaware of what her mother was going through.
Another challenge she faced was how to discuss her mother’s death with her four children who all adored their grandma. She and her husband, John, told their two eldest boys and held off on the details when they gently broke the news to their youngest son and daughter.
Moved, partially, by a note her mother had written to her family about being “too proud to seek help” and realizing her suicide was the extreme outcome of bottling her up her feelings for years, Trujillo realized she needed to ask for help and find a net to catch her when she fell.
In “Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter’s Search for Truth and Renewal” the author takes her readers on her journey through guilt, grief, loss, anger, discovery and healing. This is an illuminating and courageous memoir written with great love.
I think the book would be a great choice for a book club as there are so many points of discussion.
(TW: Teenage sexual abuse; suicide)
A huge thank you to @NetGalley and @RandomHouse for the ARC.
Six months before her mother’s death, at her therapist’s advice, Trujillo disclosed to her mother that she had been sexually abused by her stepfather for years as a teenager. She was then 40-years-old.
After her mother’s death, family members turned their backs on her. Instead of being angry at her stepfather, they blamed her for her mother’s death. While they knew how desperately her mother was struggling with depression, Trujillo was unaware of what her mother was going through.
Another challenge she faced was how to discuss her mother’s death with her four children who all adored their grandma. She and her husband, John, told their two eldest boys and held off on the details when they gently broke the news to their youngest son and daughter.
Moved, partially, by a note her mother had written to her family about being “too proud to seek help” and realizing her suicide was the extreme outcome of bottling her up her feelings for years, Trujillo realized she needed to ask for help and find a net to catch her when she fell.
In “Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter’s Search for Truth and Renewal” the author takes her readers on her journey through guilt, grief, loss, anger, discovery and healing. This is an illuminating and courageous memoir written with great love.
I think the book would be a great choice for a book club as there are so many points of discussion.
(TW: Teenage sexual abuse; suicide)
A huge thank you to @NetGalley and @RandomHouse for the ARC.
January 20, 2022
The author, Laura Trujillo speaks of her personal and heartbreaking experience of dealing with her mother’s suicide in this touching and well-written memoir. Laura begins with a brief account of what happened to her mother then explores her own reactions and her personal grief process. She describes how she went to a very dark place during this time, even to the point of contemplating suicide herself. She spends one chapter addressing how the media covers suicide and how this has changed over the years. Her experience with her own grief and how other family members grieved differently is thoroughly addressed. My favorite quote from the book is “Everyone grieves differently and we must all give others grace.” Laura explains how she was sexually abused by her mother’s husband (she does not refer to him as “stepfather”) and how her mother killed herself a few months after Laura revealed this to her thus drawing blame from other people. She ends up conducting her own psychological autopsy, learning that her mother had been depressed for years and even suicidal at times long before Laura revealed the abuse to her. As a psychiatric practitioner of 44 years, I found this book incredibly thorough in addressing how suicide impacts so many people in so many ways. The flow of the book was a little “choppy” at times but overall, very powerful and written well. Thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishers for the Advanced Reader Copy.
Warning: this book addresses suicide and sexual abuse.
Warning: this book addresses suicide and sexual abuse.
June 28, 2022
Our family has been touched by suicide several times. I found this memoir to candid with the appropriate tone of a daughter. I was haunted by the fact that her mother's father was a trained dentist who chose instead to run a bar. I wondered what happened in her mother's life to lead her to marry an abusive alcoholic and if she too had sexual abuse in her past? I was reminded of the book The Deepest Well about adverse childhood experiences.
Trujullo opens up her heart and shares her search to understand her mother's public suicide and what it meant to their family system, her family of origin, and how it might affect her own children.
It is amazing she is walking and talking after all she has been through never mind being a dedicated mother, a working newspaper editor, trying to sort out her past, and keeping her marriage intact.
This book will help many people who have been left with questions about why someone chose to take their life and how to cope with all the questions and guilt that remain years after. It will also serve as a reminder to us all how we as a society deal with suicide and how many people are impacted when one person chooses to take their own life. Highly recommended to a certain audience.
Trujullo opens up her heart and shares her search to understand her mother's public suicide and what it meant to their family system, her family of origin, and how it might affect her own children.
It is amazing she is walking and talking after all she has been through never mind being a dedicated mother, a working newspaper editor, trying to sort out her past, and keeping her marriage intact.
This book will help many people who have been left with questions about why someone chose to take their life and how to cope with all the questions and guilt that remain years after. It will also serve as a reminder to us all how we as a society deal with suicide and how many people are impacted when one person chooses to take their own life. Highly recommended to a certain audience.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 7, 2022
Note: there are no spoilers in this review as all information is provided in the publicity material.
Laura Trujillo writes a brave, gut-wrenching examination of her mother's suicide. She had an extraordinary relationship with her mother, one they both held most dear. Despite their closeness, each still kept secrets from the other. The time came when Laura shared her secret of childhood sexual abuse, news which devasted her mother.
Trying to understand her mother's suicide sent Laura into a deep depression and almost brought her to the edge herself. She learned her mother hid her own depression well, and through therapy came to recognize some of the signs that as a child, she had no understanding of.
The author, a journalist, also reviews how suicides have been covered in the media through the years.
A tragic and haunting book, written with pain, honesty, and immense love!
My gratitude to Random House who permitted me to access an e-arc of the book via NetGalley. The book is scheduled for publication 4/19/22. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and are freely given.
Laura Trujillo writes a brave, gut-wrenching examination of her mother's suicide. She had an extraordinary relationship with her mother, one they both held most dear. Despite their closeness, each still kept secrets from the other. The time came when Laura shared her secret of childhood sexual abuse, news which devasted her mother.
Trying to understand her mother's suicide sent Laura into a deep depression and almost brought her to the edge herself. She learned her mother hid her own depression well, and through therapy came to recognize some of the signs that as a child, she had no understanding of.
The author, a journalist, also reviews how suicides have been covered in the media through the years.
A tragic and haunting book, written with pain, honesty, and immense love!
My gratitude to Random House who permitted me to access an e-arc of the book via NetGalley. The book is scheduled for publication 4/19/22. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and are freely given.
July 19, 2022
I'm still thinking about this one, seven days after reading it and struggling to find a way to articulate how striking Stepping Back from the Ledge was to read.
This one is such a profoundly moving, intricate exploration into her mother's life and death, and the rumination and journey through the devastation of the author's own trauma and depression spurned on by her mother's suicide, all crafted and examined through the lens of catharsis and journalism.
I find it hard to describe and understand the amount of inner power and bravery this one took to write, or how many people will find comfort and inner strength and resolve in reading this one, understanding that they are not alone in their depression, or in their trauma, trying to heal and move on.
Thanks to Random House and Netgalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
This one is such a profoundly moving, intricate exploration into her mother's life and death, and the rumination and journey through the devastation of the author's own trauma and depression spurned on by her mother's suicide, all crafted and examined through the lens of catharsis and journalism.
I find it hard to describe and understand the amount of inner power and bravery this one took to write, or how many people will find comfort and inner strength and resolve in reading this one, understanding that they are not alone in their depression, or in their trauma, trying to heal and move on.
Thanks to Random House and Netgalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
May 11, 2023
Continuing with my background research on mothers who choose suicide... I loved the author's early description of talking about childhood. "She asked about my childhood. It was good, I told her: We had dinner every night together, my mom sewed matching dresses for my big sister and me ..., we went to the library weekly." Then, on the next page: "It was good, I said. It was good, I said again, until slowly, the truth was revealed. The details came out one at a time, like from a leaky faucet." This book remains in my mind because of the way it revolves around the Grand Canyon, and the secret that disrupted a mother's genuine love for her daughter. How so many beautiful fully-lived moments and relationship years can be undermined by the seduction of denial. And how a daughter tries to grow, and a mother doesn't.
May 9, 2022
Well-written and well-reached book about a young woman ( married with 4 children ) attempting to understand her mothers suicide.
The story was pertinent to me because I live in the areas of Arizona she talks specifically about, and I have climbed the Grand Canyon twice and visited several other times. So I related to the placing of the story.
The author is a professional journalist, which is apparent I reading the book ( its well constructed).
The one negative was that there was a lot about suicide statistics and related elements, but perhaps that interested me less than others drawn to the book because I am fortunate to not have any touchpoint to suicide.
Good read, a good investment of time.
I read this through Netgalley.
The story was pertinent to me because I live in the areas of Arizona she talks specifically about, and I have climbed the Grand Canyon twice and visited several other times. So I related to the placing of the story.
The author is a professional journalist, which is apparent I reading the book ( its well constructed).
The one negative was that there was a lot about suicide statistics and related elements, but perhaps that interested me less than others drawn to the book because I am fortunate to not have any touchpoint to suicide.
Good read, a good investment of time.
I read this through Netgalley.
June 21, 2022
A moving memoir about grief and recovery. Trujillo's mother died by suicide, jumping into the Grand Canyon after her daughter shares a secret: she was sexually abused for years by her stepfather. The feelings of remorse and confusion that follow a beloved parent's suicide are only magnified for Trujillo, who's haunted by what-ifs and wonders if she should have stayed silent about the rape, a trauma she kept to herself for decades.
Trujillo, an newspaper editor, goes through her own suicidal thoughts but ultimately comes out on the other side of severe depression. As a fellow journalist, I appreciated some of the thoughtful detours in this book. Trujillo discusses how reporting on suicide has changed over the years, and how it still has further to go.
Trujillo, an newspaper editor, goes through her own suicidal thoughts but ultimately comes out on the other side of severe depression. As a fellow journalist, I appreciated some of the thoughtful detours in this book. Trujillo discusses how reporting on suicide has changed over the years, and how it still has further to go.
December 20, 2021
Beautifully-written, heartbreaking memoir about the author’s mother and the aftermath of a traumatic life event. The author opens her wound - brutally and without flinching - recounting “signs” and regrets and family dynamics and trauma and familial mental illness that contributed to the way in which the author has lived her life. While I finished the book just now, I’m left with wanting more information about a couple of events that the author only touched upon. Since it is a memoir, this is the author’s prerogative and one I support and understand. An important book and one I’m so grateful to have been given the opportunity to do read by Random House. I’m grateful.
November 4, 2022
I liked this book and thought it was a compelling read. I’d say I was surprised at how it seemed to lack a lot of anger I’d expect from some of the things she endured. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to write a memoir about my family and I believe it would come out like this, if I did. Not trying to ruffle feathers, keeping the peace and skimming the surface of events. There is some dark shit in this book and it’s written about as if it’s a trip to the grocery store. I’d read the dark angry sequel and overall liked the book and have empathy for the writer and her quest to tell her mothers story.
May 8, 2022
This is a stunning and beautifully written book. We toss around words like "courage" and 'bravery" far too casually when describing authors, but it Trujillo deserves those adjectives for her openness about truly difficult issues: suicide, depression, sexual assault. This is not the type of book I would typically pick up, but I'm glad I did. For me, it was a deep dive into the human condition. For people who have been directly touched by some of these issues, I think this work would offer healing and support.
October 29, 2022
What an incredible book. Laura Trujillo is an excellent writer. I'm so impressed by how she addresses the traumas she experienced perpetrated by her mother's husband and her mother's suicide in such a thoughtful, honest, and vulnerable way. Her descriptions of the Grand Canyon, and the details about her mother's death, including the recuperation of her body and all of the phone calls, texts, notes, etc. leading up to her death, were particularly memorable for me. I don't know much about suicide, and this book gave me a more holistic view of it.
May 22, 2022
The subject matter of this book is painful to read. Laura has been through so much. But her tremendous respect for her reader comes through in her honesty, vulnerability and clear, beautiful writing, and at some point I realized she was actually helping me through it. By the end, amazingly, I was uplifted.
June 18, 2022
A difficult memoir, the primary themes of sexual abuse, suicide, and depression. Heavy. I think also very hopeful of how to go on in your life, to show up for your family and yourself. Unfortunately, her mother dies in the Grand Canyon. One of the most gorgeous awe inspiring places I have ever been. It's vastness, loneliness I can't imagine how that must have been for author.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews