The Years of Forgetting

by Sofia Abdullah

How does one rise above the trauma of child sexual abuse?

Sofia Abdullah is now an international women’s and children’s rights champion, fighting for equality and fair treatment for disempowered groups all over the world. But she comes from a painful past—one in which she was sexually abused as a child by a family member. Taking many years to heal from the trauma, these are pages from her notes documenting her journey of coming to terms with what had happened. This is her journey of moving on.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

112 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2021

Reviews

[aqilahreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

TW: childhood sexual abuse, rape, trauma

a short local read about the author's account on childhood sexual abuse and learning to forgive & move on. this is a very detailed & honest writing - on her experiences from letting her mother know that she got abused by her own grandfather to blaming her, thinking that she must have seen the glimpses of her grandfather's acts but did nothing.

i really love how the story follows through the phases of the moon and i find that so unique! i also really appreciate the writing for being so easy to understand ((finished in one sitting!!)). however, i felt that some parts were a bit repetitive and i wished more details were being elaborated but understand that these were all notes documenting the journey. this is really something difficult to talk about so i really admire the author's bravery in sharing her story, with good intentions to help people who have experience a similar incident to feel less alone and no matter what happens, there is still hope. moreover, this is my first time coming across a local read that talks about sexual abuse.

"is healing possible? without a doubt. it will take years to undo the early-learned negative behaviour and to learn to respect and love oneself again. it will require work. there are no right and wrong ways to heal; it takes time to discover what will work and what will not. conventional therapy did not cut for me; it was rock climbing that helped me stop dissociating. healing is possible".

would highly recommend if youre looking for a memoir to understand more about a life of living with trauma after abuse. i would also like to take this opportunity to recommend another relatable read which is know my name by chanel miller.

[Cherlynn | cherreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful memoir by a Singapore-born author writing under a pseudonym. The book is told in four parts: The Remembering, The Raging, The Healing and The Strengthening. I particularly liked how the author likened each stage of her journey to phases of the moon.

The author talks about coming to terms with the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of a family member during her childhood and her fragmented memories, as well as her conflicting feelings towards her parents and her struggle with forgiveness.

While this book is titled The Years of Forgetting, it covers so much more. The author also speaks of family taboos and gender stereotypes whilst sharing her personal reflections such as her tendency to gravitate towards emotionally unavailable and toxic partners.

If you are looking for a book that radiates honesty, strength and courage without shying away from difficult topics, I highly recommend this.

[Shimma · Rating 5 out of 5]

my first book on child sexual abuse. i stumbled upon it in Epigram’s book catalogue while browsing through local literature. Despite being a harrowing read—based on true events—Sofia (a pseudonym) manages to articulate her suffering in clear, even poetic language, as a way to recall and release it from her mind and body.

enjoying the read feels almost unethical, even criminal, because it doesn’t seem like it was written by someone who had to retrieve painful memories to share with the world. yet she did so with the hope of reminding others like herself that healing is possible—and of educating those unfamiliar with the topic, so they can recognize victims of such heinous crimes and offer a helping hand when the need arises.

#hack it is available on Libby

[Khairun Atika · Rating 3 out of 5]

"My pain does not become me. I cannot change what happened in the past, but it has certainly made me who I am today. I like to tell other survivors: the scars that I have today have allowed me to help people. Because we survivors are wary people; it takes someone who has been through the same to understand how others have suffered in similar, yet different ways." - The Years of Forgetting by Sofia Abdullah

Poignant, raw and almost too painful to rehash, Sofia Abdullah's memoir is a thought-provoking yet emotional ride. In this memoir, the author recalls her traumatising past while learning to navigate that trauma with her present.

Ten-year-old Sofia was too young to truly understand that she was sexually abused by a trusted adult, a family member who was supposed to protect her. While she knew it was wrong, it took many years for Sofia to finally talk about what happened - and what hurt her even more was that her confessions were met with hostility.

In this memoir, Sofia offers vignettes of how she felt, and how she dealt with the trauma of being abused by a family member. The betrayal seemed to persist with Sofia, and the passion for justice and acceptance led Sofia to become an activist, an advocate for other sexual abuse survivors as well.

The writing is simply raw and intense, packed with emotion again and again. Reading about the abuse was painful and heartwrenching, and one can only imagine how much more painful it is for thesr sexual abuse survivors. Yet we hope that they will heal, and to slowly move forward and build a better life for themselves. And judging by her work as an activist, I hope Sofia has found her own healing, too.

[Naaytaashreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

"There are no excuses for child sexual abuse. While abusers may have themselves been abused as children, this is no justification for abusing others."


I am utterly speechless. I don't have the words for my review on The Years of Forgetting.
I don't think I have the right to say anything about the book, why does my opinion matters on this memoir.
Sofia Abdullah took courage, bravery, strength and time to tell her story. I think I only have the right to listen and find ways I can help others, organisations and find a solution to find others who have gone through similar experience as hers.

I knew coming into the book I am going to be uncomfortable, sad, angry, frustrated, crying, inspired and all.
But I think my heart just stop when I read what Sofia had to go through.
Being Malay and growing up in Singapore, I understood the stereotype, taboos, conversations that our society has put into place when it comes to sexual abuse or abuse in sorts. Especially when it occurs in our home, families and by the people we call our family.
I think that's what anger me the most because I see it happening before my eyes around me. It's not easy to change people's thoughts, culture and upbringing, but I do hope with bravery work like Sofia we are able to break the chain.

Sofia Abdullah, I am sorry for what you have gone through. You are brave and strong. I acknowledge your trauma, your abuse, your journey. I heard your story, voice, pain and recovery. I commend you for telling your story, which I know is not easy. I may not be able to feel your pain but I will try my best to help others who know.


"I hardly remember when my abuse started or when it ended. I suppose it matters little now. The most important thing is that my mother and I recognise that it happened. And that we have taken steps so that it will not occur in my family again."

[Pearline]

I could never rate a memoir. Each stage/chapter of the book shows the different stages of the moon. It speaks of her trauma that lasted, how it does not really go away, how it affects relationships with others, forgiveness- is it really necessary to move on? Who is to blame and who gets to apologise?

[Apollos Michio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sexual abuse should not happen to anyone.

In The Years of Forgetting, Sofia Abdullah (a nom de plume) recalls the episodes of sexual abuse she endured from her grandfather as a young girl living in Singapore. The traumatic memories resurface in fragments, in a non-linear process with starts, stops, and flashbacks.

It is sad to learn about Abdullah’s childhood experiences. But what stands out is her immense courage in reaching into her past to advocate for child sexual abuse victims, so that other survivors can be supported in their healing journey. As an international women’s and child rights activist, this chronicle of her path from trauma to triumph is undeniably powerful.

[Zhi Xun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Frankly, it was an insightful read. I felt like this book really dove into the psyche of a survivor of sexual abuse. Truly inspiring as it brings up many nuanced and taboo topics especially in Singapore.

[Nuraina Abdul Razak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and powerful.

[Hannah Kader · Rating 3 out of 5]

i randomly picked this up at the bookstore and finished it one sitting. first, i applaud the author for her work helping fellow victims of this despicable and emotionally complex crime, both in her career and writing. however, i felt that the message could have been made clearer with more words. though it was important to talk about the long lasting effects of this trauma, the added difficulty that familial relationship brought seemed to need more time being explored. i think the idea of culture and family dynamics in these experiences is a heavily under-discussed topic that creates additional hardship and it was clear that this played a role in the author’s life, but i personally felt an exploration of this idea was what was missing from this piece. that being said, this took clear strength to write and publish and it is clear that this is the work of an astonishingly talented artist

[RJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intense, heartbreaking story of a sexually abused survivor. ⁣⁣⁣
The emotions shared through the book is really heart-rending. ⁣⁣⁣
A brave telling of a broken past and present. ⁣⁣⁣
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The Years of Forgetting is not just about the painful experience. It’s about the healing process. ⁣⁣⁣
Time that Sofia needs to heal. ⁣
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The chapters in the book is termed according to the phases of the moon. ⁣⁣⁣
My personal theory is that it represents a cycle of trauma that she faces as she tries to heal and continue living her life. ⁣⁣⁣
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A book about hope, strength and recovery which I highly recommend. ⁣⁣
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Thank you @epigrambooks for sending me a free copy of this book, in exchange for an honest review. ⁣⁣⁣
All opinions are my own. ⁣⁣⁣