What I Wish I Knew About Love

by Kirstie Taylor

We're taught many things growing up—math, physics, how to pay your taxes (sorta)—but no one ever teaches us about love. After a decade of failed relationships and heartbreaks, author Kirstie Taylor decided to take a break from dating and learn everything she could about exactly how love functions. This book is a collection of essays and poems encompassing all of the lessons Taylor learned about love in the process. Much like an older but wiser sister, or a quirky aunt who punctuates passionate sentences with long sips of wine, Kirstie Taylor's words in "What I Wish I Knew About Love" guide you from a place of experience, care, wit, and understanding.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Love, Relationships, Psychology, Personal Development, Romance

233 pages, Paperback

Published April 21, 2021

Reviews

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is to whoever in doubt and in a brink of a relationship

Kok rasanya apa yang kita lakukan selalu nggak cukup ya buat dia? Did I make a mistake? Did I forget something?

Been there. Done that. Got the heartbreak.

What I Wish I Knew About Love (WIWIKAL) berisi esai dan petuah dari Taylor Kristie yang sudah pernah melakukan “kesalahan” dalam menjalin relasi romantis dengan beberapa partner. Dia berharap dengan menulis sebuah buku, dia bisa membantu banyak orang di luar sana untuk nggak melakukan hal yang sama dengannya di masa lampau.

Buku ini dimulai dengan ajakan untuk “memikirkan ulang” apa yang kerap kita anggap sebagai “love and relationship.” Mengingatkan kita kalau standar yang ada di film romantis hanya dalam dunia fiksi. Di balik itu, ada usaha dan kerja keras.

Taylor melanjutkan, bahwa untuk menemukan “great partner” maka langkah awalnya tentu saja membenahi diri kita sendiri. Let’s start to see ourself. Melongok ke dalam diri tentang hal-hal yang kita suka, yang kita nikmati, dan bagaimana kita mengartikulasikan emosi.

Meanwhile, coba cek apakah partner kita sudah memperlakukan kita dengan baik dan penuh rispek? Atau malah merendahkan kita? WIWIKAL seperti wake up call supaya kita nggak terjerembab dalam narasi janji-janji manis tanpa eksekusi.

Dengan gaya penulisan yang runut dan rapi, WIWIKAL membuatku nyaman membaca nasihat-nasihat di dalamnya. Malah berasa napak tilas hubungan toksik yang pernah aku jalani 😂😂 Dan jadi semakin bersyukur kami putus 😌

To whoever yang mempertanyakan apakah dia layak dicintai dengan tidak setara, this book is for you.

Buat kamu yang ingin punya partner yang bisa diajak kerjasama & menjadi great double duo, this book is for you.

When you start reading this book, you know you should have known these things about love earlier.

[mitty · Rating 5 out of 5]

i love this book a lottttt!!! it's like you're having a conversation with a sister🥺 this book is really practical and i might do some of the advices to my relationship! hope this will change my love life🤪

[ed · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was an enjoyable read! i love how the writer wrote this book very neatly and understandable because she talks about her own experience and how to take lessons from that, which maybe some of us are experiencing before. i could totally relate! pls, don't expect this book as an instant solution or recovery on everything. but, it makes you understand yourself better and it could be a tool that guides you in making your own decision, as well as in relating to others.



p.s this book is not only for those who are going through a breakup but also for motivation to build healthy relationships with their partners. this book is for everyone!

[putri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Berhubung ini kita lagi musim nikahan yah, jadi aku tiba-tiba mau belajar tentang cinta <3. Takut si ayang keburu sampe di depan rumah padahal aku belum selesai ngalis.

Idieee garing.

Tapi ya intinya aku mau siap-siap, salah satunya dengan belajar dari sini karena buku ini juga ngajarin tentang mencintai diri sendiri dan menyembuhkan hati dari luka masa lalu. ANJAY.

Serius deh, rasanya aku mau highlight banyak hal dari buku ini. Total ada 60+ yang aku highlight karena pas baca tuh rasanya “OHH” “Hm gitu ya…” “Jadi ternyata…”, karena aku sendiri punya pengalaman cinta yang sangat terbatas, terutama cinta terhadap diri sendiri hehehe. Kebetulan penulisnya adalah seorang *serial monogamist*, jadi aku gak perlu repot praktik sendiri karena bisa langsung belajar dari pengalaman mba penulis hehe.

Ada satu yang menarik banget karena selalu jadi kekhawatiran aku kalau lagi tertarik sama orang, baik itu manusia nyata maupun idol korea, yaitu gimana caranya agar kita gak kehilangan diri kita saat kita mencintai orang lain. ANJAY (2).

Oh terus gak cuma tentang romantic love dan self-love, tapi ini bisa diterapkan untuk platonic love juga.

Kebetulan, waktu aku baca ini aku juga lagi dengerin audiobook All Your Perfects punya Colleen Hoover, terus mendadak aku kayak jago mengidentifikasi konflik Quinn dan Graham tuh penyebab awalnya apa, aku cocokin ke buku ini.

Ini buku nonfiksi dengan tema “cinta” pertama yang aku baca dan aku berencana untuk baca nonfiksi cinta lainnya xixixi, habis ini jadi si paling cinta.

[Woro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buku ini menyenangkan sekali untuk dibaca, aku membaca buku ini di scribd dan setelah selesai baca, jadi pengen punya buku fisiknya. Penulis menulis pengalaman-pengalaman dia dalam suatu hubungan mulai dari proses perkenalan, pacaran, dan patah hati. Aku seperti merasa mendengarkan seorang teman bercerita mengenai hubungan percintaannya saat membaca buku ini.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read and a good perspective on daitng and love! Will keep it in mind.

[h · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am sorry.

This book isnt for me.

[Juliet Touma · Rating 5 out of 5]

i’ve always wanted a close relationship with my mom or my sister one where i could get advice about anything and everything even guy problems. reading this is i think similar to what that would be like.

[jasmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was obsessed with the idea of love.
And from this book I learned to refocus my energy from obsessing trying to make people love me to learning about the subject of love.🤌

[Faye Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

The thing I love most about books by Thought Catalog writers, is that they are relatable, quick, engaging reads. In ‘What I Wish I Knew about Love’, Kristie Taylor, whose work has been featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, Well + Good, and The Washington Post’s, The Lily, shares a range of essays on love, heartbreak, moving on, and self-love, along with punctuating every nuance of the emotions that come with these.
Taking lessons from her own experience with love, she describes stories from her previous relationships, what she got right, and what she got horribly wrong, and inevitably, leaves you picturing your own history with love and its ups and downs, introspecting your choices and decisions.
Her collection of essays cover titles like ‘Common beliefs about love, reframed’, ‘How to tell if you’re with the wrong person’, ‘Getting in touch with your authentic self’, ‘Why taking a break from dating could be exactly what you need’, and ‘The Dos and Don’ts of arguing’ among many more.
Her stories and lessons are presented in a simple, to-the-point manner, while still managing to cover the intricacies of love, both with a partner and with self.
My personal favourite topics covered here, ‘This is why I don’t believe in soulmates’, ‘Ways to care for yourself after a breakup’ and ‘Trusting your partner when it feels too hard’.
I recommend picking this book up for a weekend read, with a glass of wine and the company of your heart alone.

[Britton Kayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I Wish I Knew About Love by Kristie Taylor is one of the best books I have ever read. I was able to finish this book in less than a week, and was engaged the entire time I was reading it. This book covers all topics concerning love like fixing relationships and getting over a break up. After many failed attempts at love, Kristie Taylor made it her mission to do as much research as possible to educate others on the topic of love. After reading various poems, articles, and websites, Kristie felt that she had mastered it. What I Wish I Knew About Love covers all you need to know.
The beginning of the book is about changing people's mindset on what love is. Disney movies and popular magazines portray love as something that is instant and perfect all of the time, thoughthis isn’t the case at all. The downfall of most relationships is assuming that the Disney movies and magazines are correct. Love is something that is built and fought for. Love is choosing your partner over and over again even during the hard times. Having arguments is healthy. It is impossible to care for someone deeply and never have ups and downs. Section two is all about heartbreak and how to cope with it. This includes how to let people go and understanding that pain is temporary. The next section, “Understanding Yourself”, is my favorite out of all of them. This section covers everything from how to be independent to getting in touch with your authentic self. This section really put my life into perspective. I have started to do things that I enjoy rather than following exactly what others want to do. Keeping in touch with yourself will allow you to know your boundaries and what you look for in future relationships. The book closes off with a section on finding a great partner and creating a loving relationship. My favorite comparison was when Kristie Taylor compared your partner to a teammate. You wouldn’t want to hurt your teammate, you would want to help them and build them up. A relationship is the same way.

How has this book changed you in a major way?
This book has changed the way I view love. I saw love as a feeling that would come instantly, but this is nowhere near the truth. Love is a choice, the choice that you will choose your partner everyday. Love can’t be forced either, there were many people that the author loved in this book, but there were also many that she did not. She told some of her partners her worst fears and every personal thing about her, but she still was unable to love them. This is because love has to be chosen. If you don’t think you can trust your partner then there is a good chance you will choose not to love them. Love is scary, but when you love the right person it can be so rewarding.

Who would you recommend this book to?
I would recommend this book to anyone struggling with love or anyone interested in learning more about it. I actually don’t feel like I struggle with love at all. I never had unreasonable expectations for love allowing me to go into relationships and friendships open to it. I chose this book just out of curiosity and I am so glad I did. I realized that I really didn’t have any idea what love truly is and that love should not just be given to anyone. I also learned that love takes work. Again, I would only recommend this book to those with an open mind and who are willing to change themselves for the better.

The major questions raised by the book:
I questioned a lot of things about my life while reading this book. Why do we have the ability to love? Why is love so complicated? Why does it hurt so much when we choose to love? Why is love so scary? Some of these questions I was able to answer, but some I was not able to. Love is complicated and even after all the research that Kristie Taylor did she still couldn’t tell someone EXACTLY what love is. Love is up for interpretation.

Observations about the author’s style and voice.
The author's style was loving. The way she wrote the book reminded me of how a fun aunt would talk, or even a close older friend. She gave advice in a way that everyone could understand, and I really appreciate that. This style is not for everyone, but personally I found it very helpful in the learning process. The stories throughout this book were my favorite part. I loved how sometimes I couldn’t relate, but because her stories were so engaging and detailed I was able to understand and learn from her experiences.

[Ifnur Hikmah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Wish I Knew About Love

Everytime I need any advice or some insight about something, Thought Catalog is the answer. I love to read their essay, not only to help me understand about my problems, but also give new insight and idea about story that I write.

This is the first book from Thought Catalog that I read. This is an essay compilations about love life, from fliriting to how to mend a broken heart. From how to fall in love to how to make an healthy relationship.

Just like the title, I wish I read this book back then. Or I wish I had someone to give me some advice back then. Because, when I read this book, I can’t help myself but wandering around my past. About my experience with love.

There’s a part that talk about boundarios. In order to fall in love with the right way and having a steady relationship, you should create your personal boundaries. So you know how to compromize with others. You know what’s good and what’s bad for yourself.

I think to myself, if I only I knew about this boundaries, I can save my heart from never ending heart break.

This book talks about love. There’s also an essay about how to love yourself. This is a neverending issue because eventhought we know that we have to fall in love with ourself in order to love someone, it’s not that easy. Through this book, I know that my hatred or my anger towards me seems reasonable enough.

When I read this book, somehow I find the answers for my questions. About love. About life. And most of all, about myself.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love following Kirstie on IG so I was really excited to read it. Unfortunately, it fell super short in a number of ways including writing style (there isn't much wit or like, uniqueness to the voice) and the content itself. While it's not necessarily chalk full of clichés like " you'll find your person when you stop looking," its honestly just a lot of common sense practices like maintaining friendships and hobbies while in and out of a relationship, arguing kindly without accusation and name calling, learning to spend time alone between relationships and the like. I did like the list of questions to get to know a partner more intimately and the little origin story about the soul mates concept is a fun anecdote. But outside of those two things, nothing new or profound was shared in this book and I'm super bummed. I think this might be a good read for someone who has NEVER been in a relationship/teenagers as a resource to help give people perspective about the reality of relationships and love. TBH, it probably would have helped me much more at that time than it does now because much like Kirstie herself, I had my first relationship at 15 and am 30 now with a whole slew of fucked up men in the interim. Quick read, though, finished it in two days.

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kirstie Taylor, an anxious-attacher and dating and relationship writer, takes us on a grounded journey through her relationships to understand transparecy and integrety in the ones we choose to pursue.

I've followed Kirstie on and off since the pandemic. Like many, I've dealt with lots of relationships where I didn't feel valued and my needs were not met, but where I also was not meeting their needs either. This book was really interesting to read and understand situations with great perspective. I read it on the train, at work, in bed. Not because it was bringing me something radical like similar things I've read from The School of Life, but because it brought my something anyone could quantify.

For a modern perspective on dating and relationships, this is well worth reading. It's a quick read and fairly dense and covers a good range of topics to keep you level in your pursuits both romantic, and arguable, in your approach to those you love across the board.

[Rayya Tasanee · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an awesome book!

Siapa pun wanita yang pernah mengalami heartbreak, wajib baca buku ini sih. Memang tidak mudah didapatkan, tapi layak dijadikan koleksi buku self-help.

Penulis menyusun buku ini berdasarkan pengalaman pribadinya menjalin relasi romantis dengan beberapa pria, yang seringkali gagal. Hingga akhirnya dia bertumbuh dan berhasil menjalin relasi sehat. Proses itu tidak mudah jika pembaca memiliki 'riwayat' insecure attachment style. Pola asuh orang tua memang awal dari dinamika psikologis seseorang, tetapi kita tidak bisa terus menyalahkan orang tua yang pada saat itu belum tahu banyak mengenai ilmu parenting. Maka buku ini ada untuk 'meluruskan' pola relasi yang tidak tepat.

Meskipun banyak saran dan informasi yang diperoleh dari pengalaman pribadi, penulis tak lupa mencantumkan hasil riset. Jadi imbang antara pengalaman dan teori.


Ini adalah sebuah buku ideal untuk menjadi teman berproses menuju healthy relationship. <3

[Gianni · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very easy read, mostly because of its blog style, but also because much of the wisdom she shared I've already read in Instagram or Pinterest. It's not a bad thing though. I was lucky enough to have read or heard the same words while I was the one going through a tough time in my relationships. Giving this 3/5 because it just didn't offer new insights (which is probably a good sign that I'm headed in the right direction.) Nonetheless, it was nice to be reminded of how far I've come in healing my trauma and establishing my sense of self. I now enjoy solitude; I am confident and at peace with what I have and what I have lost. This change of mindset really helped in improving myself and my relationship with my partner. Under different circumstances, I'd recommend this to my partner's ex in the hopes that she'll find and keep the love she deserves.

[Andrew Browski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some books don’t give you answers — they give you the questions you didn’t know you needed to ask.

Kirstie Taylor writes from the place of rawness we all try to avoid, yet secretly long to return to when our heart breaks. Her words don’t try to sound clever — they feel honest, like pages from a journal you once wrote in the dark.

What resonated most with me wasn’t the “advice” — it was the acknowledgment. The quiet reminder that feeling too much is not weakness, and that healing is rarely linear.

As someone who also wrote about the complexities of love and the quiet ache of growing apart (Hold Me Differently), I felt a kinship with the emotional rhythm of this book. It doesn’t scream. It holds — gently, imperfectly, truthfully.

If you’re walking through the afterglow of love or the shadows of it — this one might sit beside you the way only a good book can.

[Hari Cervantes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like gossiping with a friend about our relationships, the way the writer describes everything she has learned about love was like taking a cup of coffee with someone you really like. Of course, this book isn’t therapy so don’t expect to find a solution for your broken relationships, but it makes you realize what good love is about or at least the most important of it. And I might dare to say how deeply in love the writer is right now. It was very entertaining and didn’t feel heavy at all.

[Siti Sangadah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of practical advice that can be applied to start and maintain a healthy relationship.
In addition, the author also shares the signs of a toxic, abuse and unhealthy relationship that we have to be aware of and avoid.

Although there are values that contradict with values I believe in in every dating situation described in this book (this may be due to a different culture) but I will take the positive advice.

[Isabel Alarcón · Rating 4 out of 5]

Todo el mundo tiene que leer este libro, sobre todo si tienen apego ansioso y no saben muy bien cómo afrontar esos sentimientos que nos dan cuando alguien nos deja en visto.
Gracias a tiktok descubrí lo del apega ansioso, y descubrí a la autora de este libro que de verdad da una excelente perspectiva de lo que son las relaciones modernas.
Porque tenemos que admitir que las relaciones ahora son... otra cosa, y no estoy segura de que sean algo bueno XD

[Nabilah Imran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kristie Taylor is like a big sister I never had, really. In every chapter, she begins with a story about her past, what she did wrong, what the man did wrong, and the tips or lesson learned we could take. I marked sooo many pages haha definitely a must-have if you’re searching for a relationship book. Kristie’s past experiences are something that I think would relate to a lot of woman.

[Rebecca Ghastin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was pretty disappointed in this read in all honesty.
The first half was mainly for people that are single/ looking to get into a relationship which doesn’t apply to me

The second half was mainly about generic love lessons that the common 20 year old probably already knows.

I was hoping she’d focus more on love languages.

Leander’s a couple things I can apply to my life.

[Nayomi Kreklow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been triggered, reminded, enlightened and humbled. A book about love I’d like to recommend to everyone. I cried in the “I know this” parts and laughed a lot in “me too” parts. It was like listening to a mentor who quickly becomes a close friend. This book is a lot of heart and soul. A reminder that love starts with you.

[Bri B. · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was a waste of my time, I learned nothing from it. It felt as if it was written for 15 year old white girls by a fellow 15 year old white girl. Taylor states the obvious page after page without dissecting the psychology behind certain actions. Her advice is terrible, I don’t know anyone who would take this book seriously.

[El Ralie · Rating 3 out of 5]

maybe i’m too expecting, that’s why i’m dissapointed lol. because the contents of this book, looked interesting. and finally this book is only tell you basic things. things you’ll already know before. but yeah just give it a try…

[Nada Nazifa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yeay, finished it in 2 months 😂
Some statements are relevant to another books. The progress of fallen in love-broken-found a true love, it makes me motivated to build up a healthy relationship with my partner.

[Nada Nazifa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yeay finished it in 2 months 😂
Some statements are relevant to another book. The progress of fallen in love-broken-found a true love makes me motivated to build up a healthy relationship with my partner.

[Faith Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! This is what I needed to hear for a very long time, but I’m glad I know the lessons now that goes for everything about love & dating! I’ve already seen changes in my life because of my viewpoints from this book, so I can’t wait to continue that!

[finaz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are you looking for some advice about love and relationship? If yes, then all you need is this book. This book was eye opening for me, and also for you too. Kirstie Taylor written this book with some stories about her past, it felt like I was getting an advice from my friend. I think most of the content is useful, easy to implement, and also relatable😫

⭐️4,5/5

[Shofia A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

pas awal2 berasa banget kaya dengerin kakak lagi curcol tentang hubungannya sama mantan2 nya :D
makin ke tengah2 poin2 pembelajarannya itu bisa diskip2 gitu sih di bagian deskripsinya
kaya langsung disebutin poin2nya aja udah cukup
dan karena ini based on experience, just not my cup of tea~