Bent: Sexuality, Manhood, & Other Stories

by J. Adams

Part memoir, part polemic on sexuality, Bent takes you on one man’s journey from straight growing up to beyond the labels by the time he’s settled down to raise a family. As a former firefighter, escort, and all-around knockabout, Adams has tales to share, and he delivers them with candor, humor, and an instinctive curiosity toward the issues they raise:

• Who is really straight and what does that even mean?
• What effect can sleeping with a gender-fluid individual have on your orientation?
• How many seconds, exactly, does it take for a stare between two men to become a gay one?
• How can a so-called bisexual ever be bisexual in real time?

Through the passionate interrogation of these questions and more, Bent furthers the conversation around sex and gender, and consistently illuminates the shifting nature of identity.

187 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 16, 2021

Reviews

[Ailsa Mellor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chose this book intrigued by the title and the blurb, expecting it to be about one man’s journey from growing up straight to eventually identifying as gay. But it was so much more than that. Part-memoir, part polemic, I appreciated Adams’ candid honesty throughout, which provided layers of depth to the narrative. I especially enjoyed how the author divided his “journey” into chapters, which is dedicated to the different cities he has lived in: from Connecticut as a teenager; New Orleans as a young graduate sleeping in his grandmother’s Buick; to New York; and finally to Paris where he realises he might finally be ready to settle down, which all added colour to the narrative. There is an earnestness to the author’s writing as he grapples with decisions (usually to do with long-term commitment), but his experiences are always engaging, often humorous, sometimes melancholic and peppered with anecdotes. At one point, I did wonder: is there ever a moment when the author is not propositioned, flirted with or hit on by a mutual friend, stranger or acquaintance? Overall though, the resounding message I gleaned from the book is simply this: life is not black and white. It is ever-changing, always fluid. We don’t have to identify with one particular tribe, fit into one particular box nor are we expected to stay the same person through the decades. We don’t have to be one way or another. We can just be. A highly recommend read for those who not only enjoy memoirs but are curious enough to step into the world of another, albeit fleetingly, and experience the rich tapestry of what it means to be human through their eyes.

[CJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshingly honest reflection

J. Adams has presented an entertaining, thought-provoking and revealing view of his personal journey from a regular straight man to… still a regular man who is also intimate with other men. The essential message in this set of recollections of his experiences is that as his preferences changed, his masculinity did not. If readers take nothing else away from his memoir, then Adams has won.

If you are curious about sexuality (including your own), then this is a great resource that reads easily. Yet it’s also an inspiring and humorous read following a person who has been open to his needs despite what society may be telling him. Our modern lives are tagged with endless labels, and what I liked is this is a story about men who have sex with men (although Adams does not use this terminology).

This honest, refreshing book explores sexuality, relationships and gender in a way I’ve not read before, drawing on his many years of experience. Adams presents this in a charming, personable way, sharing his history. For example, “Long before I started working through my views on sexuality, I had to make sense of my history, and I can see now how one informed the other.” I believe many people who have questions about sexuality don’t feel comfortable with open discussion; Adams’ book is a valuable tool for understanding how someone else coped with their journey.

[Lanysha Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very engaging book that tells a fascinating story. Bent is an important book for anyone interested in sexuality, gender, and how labels shape our lives. A must-read for any man who has ever been curious about gay life, or women who are interested in an atypical narrative from a man's point of view. The book is also fun to read, and the author's candor is refreshing. My favorite part was about how he wasn't ALWAYS gay and came to realize that about himself later in life. It’s also an inspiring story of someone who has been able to live life on his own terms, despite all of the "rules" that would tell him otherwise.

[Avid Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

This unusual memoir felt very honestly written and descriptions of events were rarely in black and white. While the content is for more mature audiences, I feel that younger people would benefit from seeing how one person worked through loss of identity, loss of sexual identity, and other losses. I found the part of the book concerning “labels”especially informative and am planning to share it.

[Gypsai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful and needed!

[Alessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with this title in exchange for an honest review.

This novel was a great surprise for me, as it was nothing like I expected it to be—in the best way possible. Bent is a nuanced exploration of what relationships and gender mean, it definitely felt like having a friend talk about their experiences in life. This book was very relatable—which was unexpected—as it touched on the basic questions that I think everyone asks themselves, even if the author's experiences seem completely foreign to you I think you'll find something to relate to in the raw humanity displayed on this book.

If there was one critique that I'd have for this novel, it is that there is quite a lot of binary language and ideas surrounding gender throughout the book—although there is one chapter that attempts to acknowledge this, it does not quite land the way it should in my opinion.

Finally, J. Adams' voice asserts itself in a fun down to earth matter that will leave its readers feeling deeply understood and with a whole new outlook on life at the same time.