Good Indian Daughter

by Ruhi Lee

Long before Ruhi fell pregnant, she knew she was never going to be the ‘good Indian daughter’ her parents demanded. But when the discovery that she is having a girl sends her into a slump of disappointment, it becomes clear she’s getting weighed down by emotional baggage that needs to be unpacked, quickly.

So Ruhi sets herself a mission to deal with the potholes in her past before her baby is born. Delving into her youth in suburban Melbourne, she draws a heartrending yet often hilarious picture of a family in crisis, struggling to connect across generational, cultural and personal divides.

Sifting through her own shattered self-esteem, Ruhi confronts the abuse threaded through her childhood. How can she hold on to the family and culture she has known and loved her whole life, when they are the reason for her scars?

Good Indian Daughter is a brutally honest yet brilliantly funny memoir for anyone who’s ever felt like a let-down.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Australia, Audiobook, Autobiography, India, Biography

336 pages, Paperback

First published May 25, 2021

About the author

Sneha Lees writes on Boon Wurrung land. Her writing has been featured in The Guardian, ABC Everyday, SBS Voices, South Asian Today and The Big Issue among other publications. Her book, Good Indian Daughter was published by Affirm Press in May 2021, under the pseudonym Ruhi Lee.

In 2019, she was a recipient of the Neilma Sidney Literary Travel Fund and her manuscript was shortlisted for the Penguin Random House Write it Fellowship. In the same year, she became an alumni of the ACT Writers Centre’s National HARD COPY program where she was selected for the final round of participants who met with and received feedback from some of Australia’s foremost literary agents and publishers. In 2020, she was commissioned to write for Multicultural Arts Victoria’s Shelter program.

She holds a Bachelor of Arts (International Studies) and Bachelor of Commerce (Human Resource Management) from Monash University. Sneha is currently working on a screenplay and studying Creative Business (Screen Production) at The Compton School, University of Canberra.

Reviews

[Veronica ⭐️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ruhi Lee writes with candour and humour. Her memoir, written as she awaits the birth of her first child, is a journey into a life lived with an underlying guilt for not being the daughter her parents had envisaged.

Good Indian Daughter is an engaging read. with Ruhi Lee’s relaxed style of writing I found myself fully immersed in her story. Many areas of Ruhi’s story will resonate with readers, even those not of Indian descent.

Ruhi Lee is a strong voice for girls and women everywhere who are being subjugated and unheard. She speaks openly on bullying, body image problems, religion, misguided advice, depression, anxiety, racism and abuse.

Reading Ruhi’s story made me sad, angry and overwhelmed but Ruhi’s humour throughout also gave me a few laughs which lightened, although didn’t lessen, the overall feel of the book.

Good Indian Daughter is a brave and open story of shedding the guilt and living your own life.

[Anjana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir may hit especially close to home for the immigrant daughters of Australia, who are still not used to seeing their stories told. We encounter emotionally honest recollections, relayed in a direct yet richly detailed (and often, quietly humorous) way. The writer broaches topics such as mental health, familial ties and obligations as well as past traumas. I dare say many of us will see chapters of our own lives mirrored in this book. The frankness and vulnerability with which Lee relates her experiences; that is what stood out most to me. I finished it in one sitting and was simultaneously comforted yet unsettled; captivated by her story and compelled to reflect on my own.

[Jennifer (JC-S) · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Our house was double-brick basket of stone fruit.’

Ruhi knows that she has fallen short of her parents’ expectations. For Ruhi, to be a ‘good Indian daughter’ means being someone completely different, negotiating a minefield of cultural expectations and being able to reconcile a lifetime’s full of conflicting messages. Ruhi has muddled through. But when she marries and becomes pregnant, Ruhi is overwhelmed by the emotional baggage she is carrying. Ruhi decided to face the past before her baby is born.

Ruhi and her parents emigrated from India to Melbourne, Australia when Ruhi was young. Like many other emigrants, Ruhi’s parents have made this momentous decision to provide a better life for their children. But the weight of these expectations combined with cultural differences can be a huge burden for any child, and Ruhi’s self-esteem is shattered.

Can Ruhi find herself if she revisits the past? Can her parents accept her for who she is rather than their idealised view of who she should be and rejecting her differences?

This is a well-written brutally honest account of reclaiming a life battered by the expectations of others. I think many readers from a variety of backgrounds will be able to relate to Ruhi’s journey. Yes, it is complicated by cultural issues but the underlying theme of ‘never feeling good enough’ is one many will understand.

I felt sorry for both Ruhi and her parents. Moving from one country to another can unsettle the strongest of families. Add in cultural differences and expectations, and the picture becomes more complex. I admire Ruhi for undertaking the journey to reclaim her life and hope that her entire family learns (and benefits) from the journey.

Well worth reading.

Jennifer Cameron-Smith

[Jaclyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this well crafted and really nicely structured memoir, Lee gives an incredibly honest account of her relationship with her parents, her body, her religion, her trauma and her mental health. I was so impressed by her candour, and her use of humour (and swear words). I love accounts of people reassessing their lives and making big changes and I found myself cheering Lee on as she quit her job and simplified her life. Being the child of immigrants can be a very heavy load to bear and I love reading accounts like this (not enough get published in Aus). Lee’s anger and indignation about the unfair, racist, sexist and deeply wrong things that happen in her life is keenly and justly felt. The title chapter relies on statistics and references in ways the rest of the book doesn’t and I wish it had been more cohesive but that is a minor criticism of an impressive debut memoir. I feel deeply moved by Lee’s story.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my gosh this book was so so good and I loved that it was written by a Melbourne-raised woman. I think everyone needs to read this book to better understand and familiarise themselves with some of the challenges faced by South Asian women. This book was funny, challenging and incredibly thought provoking.

I love how she equally celebrated and critiqued Indian culture and how she discussed the challenges she faced as a child of first generation immigrant parents and how she shares her experiences of navigating her traditional parents and her own modern, liberal perspectives. Her reflections on her experiences of racism, throughout her childhood and adult life, were relatable and eye opening.

The book covers so many topics that are typically taboo in South Asian culture such as abuse, sexism, consent and boundaries, mental health, and many other issues such as colourism, classism and racism.
Ruhi articulates her observations about Indian culture so well (especially in regards to girls and women). She provides context behind some of the thoughts and processes of Indian people (generally speaking), in a way that I was never able to fully comprehend or put into words before.

[Sharah McConville · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars. Good Indian Daughter is an engaging memoir by Ruhi Lee. Her interesting life story is full of humor as well as heartache. I enjoyed learning about Ruhi's Indian culture and her 'part-Australian' upbringing. Thanks to Better Reading for my ARC.

[Ria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you ChatGPT for suggesting the right book at the right time in my life.

Ruhi Lee treats everyone in her life with so much sensitivity and understanding, and I imagine it must have been so difficult to summarise her experiences and emotions into a single book.

OK I'm gonna go email and thank her now

[R.J. Rodda]

It is always a privilege to be able to learn from someone’s honest reflection on their life and for that I thank Ruhi. As an Australian non-Indian person mentoring Indian medical students I picked this up as a learner.

I felt a lot of conflicting emotions about this. Horror at the physical beatings and the way that no one around her noticed what Ruhi was going through. Sadness for her that she experienced this. Sadness for her father who seems so stuck in his thinking and who probably was being the best parent he knew how to be. Or is that making excuses for him? Sad too about the impact of abuse on her capacity at university.

Glad that her mother has taken some steps to change. Glad that when Ruhi disclosed to Bethany that she sent a warning to her father that stopped his physical abuse (but should she have done more?). Sad that ‘being a Christian’ didn’t seem to have impacted much on her mother’s behaviour. Glad she found Jack and that he’s been such a great husband. Glad she has used pseudonyms as her parents are still alive.

Ultimately this was worth reading but it breaks your heart a bit.

[Amanda E · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Indian Daughter will take you on a rollercoaster of emotions, from laughter and love to anger, rage and disbelief.

Ruhi unpacks her life in this book, from sweet childhood moments with her parents, her struggles as a teen immigrant in Australia, to her almost independent life from her parents during pregnancy.

Women of all races will connect in some way to one part or another of Ruhis' traumatic journey through life. You may relive some of your own trauma and parent's disappointments in you, you may even cry and want to withdraw or rebel as you did back then.

I'm not brave enough to write how much of this book reflected my life as a half Chinese daughter coming to Australia, but by reading this book, maybe I'm not the only one now.

[Kate thebooklover · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun read covering some serious topics of growing up under parents’ strong expectations and learning how to resist the pressure and build a life for yourself.

At times it was hard to imagine it was non-fiction, not because what I was reading was unimaginable but the style the writer used to tell her story. There was some brilliant humour in her writing, and I found myself chuckling at some of the stories.

[Liesl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down. Beautifully written, poignant, witty and somber at the same time. I found it so relatable - both the good and the bad aspects of her upbringing (from storing bags of onions in the garage because our family cooks so much of it, to the "good indian daughter" trope and being taught not to make a fuss or not to speak up). Loved this memoir.

[Pam Tickner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Better Reading and Affirm Press for the advanced reading copy of this book.
I felt the wrong demographic as I did not enjoy the colloquial style of story telling, however, as a memoir it is raw and honest.

[Regina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This appears to be a very honest account of Ruhi Lee’s life thus far. She describes situations in her life that depict the challenges of being a daughter to Indian parents struggling to combine their traditional cultural values with their new life in Melbourne, Australia. She does this analysis in the context of her impending motherhood after she discovers she will soon have her own daughter. Although the situations she recounts are often humorous, there are some very traumatic and, perhaps for some readers, triggering experiences described. For me this memoir was a thought-provoking exploration of not only the migrant experience for this family but also a portrayal of some childhood situations and observations that could be shared by many women regardless of their cultural background. With thanks to Better Reading and Affirm Press for the preview copy. #BRPreview

[Rosalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gutsy memoir about growing up in Australia within an extended Indian family. Ruhi does not evade difficult or embarrassing matters - the cross-cultural battles; persistent physical abuse; sexual abuse experienced and disparaged; prejudice endured; university failures; panic/anxiety attacks; the constant high expectations and unrelenting over-protective parenting. Her parents were incapable of supporting her emotionally and distrusted her mental health problems despite the history of mental health issues and depression in their family. Her mental health issues were never acknowledged as it might shame the family.
Ruhi recognises she has been brought up in a changing world but in an household that refuses to change. Her parents had brought her up to live in a world dominated by men. She is expected to remain the dutiful Indian daughter whose life is to honour her father and family until she marries and will become beholden to honour husband. The Indian patriarchal system manipulates the actions of others particularly women by using guilt and shame and violence. Ruhi is a fighter, and at sixteen she finally seeks support from a church coordinator who tells her mother that the police could be involved if her father continues. When her mother tells her father what Bethany had said the beatings do stop (but both of her parents reject that this is “abuse” because they love her”). Likewise a few years later, Ruhi is determined to continue her relationship with her boyfriend Jake, but has to lie to her parents as they have forbidden her to see him. They eventually allow them to marry after an ultimatum after several years of subterfuge and both her mother and father come to like and respect him.
Ruhi plans to bring her daughter up in an environment where women are equal to men and where they matter, but she is afraid that her parents will not respect her ideas and she has grave fears of recreating another Good Indian Daughter. Her war with her parents over her right to be herself flares sporadically but she knows that when she has her baby the situation will be unbearable. She resigns from her unlikeable job and realises it is the first time she has done something as important as this without first consulting her parents. The battles begin when she must tell them she has resigned and that their assumed assistance will not be needed. They have planned that Jake and she will manage on their own although her parents still believe that they should move into the family home so that her parents can look after them. Ruhi is undeterred by her parents assumptions and as she does not want her mother at the birth and she does not tell her the due date.
Her parents blatantly refuse to accept Ruhi and Jakes justifications. When they are adamant about relatives not visiting in the hospital her mother keeps objecting “that it’s not right it’s not how we do things”. Ruhi is hurt and angry as once again her mother never says no to her distant relatives but says no to her daughter’s wishes all of the time. The war continues with Ruhi and Jake holding their ground and the parents refusing to offer any assistance unless it is on their terms her mother wants to visit whenever she wants or not at all.
Ruhi has a counsellor and wants to resurrect her relationship with her father but after a few joint visits her father refuses to continue. He accuses her of walking away from the family whereas from her point of view he is incapable of seeing her as an individual with her own needs and separate ideas.
This is a sad story of unreconciliatory cultural differences. Ruhi has to separate her love for her family from the cultural expectations that she cannot support. She has the strength to do this as she knows it is the only way for her to bring up her daughter to believe in herself as an equal in a society that still struggles to give women and women of colour that standing

[Larissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars? There was much I liked about this, particularly in listening to the audiobook. The start took a while to draw me in as we progressed through different time jumps, and I wasn't necessarily particularly invested for the first half, but I found much of the second half engaging.

What I loved about the audiobook was the accents used to portray the author's family members speaking - in many other books I might resent this choice, but it was done so well here - although Ruhi's family were from South India and mine from elsewhere, the accents used sounded so much like my relatives, although my parents rapidly lost their accents on coming here and never sounded like that to me. It really did sound like listening to my family for much of it as a result, which felt so... comfortable? Juxtaposed with an Australian accent when Ruhi or her friends were speaking, it really did make it all feel so relatable. Hearing the phrases and sayings and ways of speaking by Ruhi's family was so interesting - hearing phrases that my own mum has said almost verbatim and recognising how common they must have been in India felt so affirming to understand. I remember this understanding popping up at points in They Called Us Exceptional but not to the same degree here in listening to the audiobook. This book also relayed a lot more direct conversations, whereas They Called Us Exceptional perhaps used less of that type of writing.

There were some parts of the book that felt less connected to the rest of the thread of story or felt incompletely explained or explored, such as Ruhi's experience of microaggressions at work and her increasing sensitivity to them, but may just be the level she was able to process at the time, which would be understandable. However, there was a lot I did relate to, despite large differences in our family dynamics, and the Australianness of it was also so lovely to read for relatability as well, when so many other Asian immigrant child memoirs that I've read so far are often US-based. It's also always interesting to see how much each of these authors proportionnally focuses on either their parents and family issues or surrounding culture and experience of integration or not, and what becomes more impactful for that person - so variable and experience-dependent of course. Her struggles with uni, although for different reasons than mine, also felt hugely relatable.

Ruhi's attempts to reconnect with her parents and challenge to them to relate to her in a different way had me half crying on a hike at various points I listened along, particularly in tackling those cultural norms and expectations that have been so ingrained, particularly for those holding onto them so tightly amongst all else they've left behind. At various points throughout the book, she had been more and less understanding of her parents than I was of mine, and it was interesting to consider where our choices aligned and diverged in response.

I guess it's obvious that this was a really important book for me to read as a result of all this shared experience and its relatability, but I don't know that I loved the writing. For much of the book it felt like the style was more that of an essay, perhaps, rather than whatever style I might hope for in an intimate memoir? I can't quite describe it, but this would impact my willingness to recommend it to others for whom relatability wouldn't be such a strong factor. Therefore, a 4 for me based on relatability and affirmation of experiences but a 3 perhaps otherwise.

[Shreedevi Gurumurty · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutally honest yet brilliantly funny memoir for anyone who's ever felt like a let-down.
Long before Ruhi fell pregnant, she knew she was never going to be the 'good Indian daughter' her parents demanded. But when the discovery that she is having a girl sends her into a slump of disappointment, it becomes clear she's getting weighed down by emotional baggage that needs to be unpacked, quickly.
So Ruhi sets herself a mission to deal with the potholes in her past before her baby is born. Delving into her youth in suburban Melbourne, she draws a heartrending yet often hilarious picture of a family in crisis, struggling to connect across generational, cultural and personal divides. Sifting through her own shattered self-esteem, Ruhi confronts the abuse threaded through her childhood. How can she hold on to the family and culture she has known and loved her whole life, when they are the reason for her scars? I can relate a lot to this book, considering that I come from a South Asian background and their dangerous obsession with perfection in terms of beauty,education,employment,marriage and children,giving respect to elders who don't earn but demand it, as well as downplaying mental health struggles and abuse.As the author says, the relationship is characterised by "unflappable faith but deep distrust".This book is also about the author's quest to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma by setting healthy boundaries through being assertive.You love your parents for all they've done for you,but at the same time you mourn for what they could've been.You deal with everyone's mannerisms.But there is freedom in not being a people pleaser all the time,in fact some of the happiest people are disappointments to others.But it is a constant challenge between being selfless vs selfish.You can't be too much of one or the other.And relationships require effort on both sides and both have to give and take.

[Divya | Stellar Cup of Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read the summary of the book, I was expecting a hilarious story about an Indian girl adjusting in Australia and dealing with cultural differences, but this book was so much more than that.  

Author Ruhi Lee’s family immigrated to Australia when she was little. Although settled in Melbourne to give their daughters a better future, her parents could not leave behind their cultural norms and high expectations, which a lot of Indian children, especially daughters must live up to.

I can understand that it must have been so tough for the author to pen down such a raw account of her difficult childhood and youth. There are so many moments when I could feel her pain, her disappointments, and her heart break. She shared an unfiltered version of her struggles with topics that are usually considered to be a taboo. People avoid talking about and accept issues like mental health, body image, emotional and physical abuse. Some of these issues are not just limited to the Indian sub-continent but are relevant to other communities too.

Being an Indian daughter myself (not sure about the good part), I could relate to a lot of parts of this thought-provoking memoir. But then what I really admired is how Ruhi decisively took control of her life. She asked for help and tried to work out her issues. I imagine that by penning down this honest account of her life, she has shed her emotional baggage and taken a few more steps towards much happier times.

Thank you @affirmpress @betterreadingau and @lee_ruhi for a copy of Good Indian Daughter for #bprreview.

[Leokmb · Rating 5 out of 5]

The witty humorous first paragraph of Ruhi’s memoir sets the tone authentically, and cleverly plants hints that are only fully understood in retrospect.
It is a personal story focusing on family relationships in the context of an Indian family who have migrated to Australia. As a first-generation migrant child, I could relate to the experience of sitting at the junction between cultural expectations of home and a new culturally Australian future but just simply wanting to find my place and ‘fit in.’
The story also rings true as an exploration of self-identity, family values and the angst that is prompted as a soon to be first time mother realises the responsibility of raising a new human being.
Excerpts from childhood and young adulthood are interspersed with events unfolding in the present. This kept me always on the trail to find the sources of conflicts and family secrets as the layers personal trauma were revealed. Ruhi searches for resolution whilst the rawness of emotion simmers under the surface. The book was emotional and thought provoking and left me curious about how Ruhi’s life and relationships evolve in future years.
* Thank you to Affirm Books and Better Reading for providing me with a copy of the book to review.

[Sheree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Indian Daughter is a heartfelt memoir from author Ruhi Lee of growing up female and experiencing crushing cultural expectations of an Indian immigrant family in Australia. By sharing anecdotes and notable events she unpacks the trauma of her childhood. Ruhi proceeds to explore the impact upon her current life and beliefs. Her vulnerability draws the reader in. Her humor in recalling moments makes them feel the love and frustration that co-existed in dealing with familial expectations. The author shares the pressure that she hopes to avoid placing upon her own daughter. This will resonate with all mothers, no matter their culture.
I enjoyed reading this book and the view it provided into the Indian culture. I have never experienced the generational expectations the author was under, yet on her behalf, I was feeling frustrated and disappointed with the attempts to control the direction of her life. I did find the jumping back and forth in time a little distracting initially. Despite this the writing drew me in, creating an emotional but enjoyable read.
Thanks to Better Reading and Affirm Press for the preview copy for my true and honest opinion.

[Richard Harrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having never been an Indian woman or ever felt particularly overwhelmed by my parents’ expectations, I wasn’t sure what to make of Good Indian Daughter by Ruhi Lee. It’s a time-jumping memoir of her relationship with her parents and her battles against cultural prejudice, racism, sexism and finding her place in the world.
Lee was a very engaging author with a funny and charming voice that had me captivated throughout. I found myself a little disoriented by the way we’d skip back and forth through her life, often I’d have to do a little mental arithmetic to work out how old she was or try to infer it by where she was living at the time.
I really appreciated how open and vulnerable she was able to be and how well she allowed the reader to join in her thought process and decision making.
By the end, I felt quite honoured to have shared this journey with Ruthi. I may not be a woman or Indian and I’m the parent of two boys but I understand her world better and I understand the kinds of things I need to teach my boys to make them better, too.

[Annette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks Affirm Press for my copy of Good Indian Daughter by Ruhi Lee. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about Ruhi’s experiences in an Indian family living in Melbourne. Despite her humorous descriptions of events the seriousness of her life was still apparent. Living between two cultures has an enormous impact on the individual and Ruhi bravely exposed this. It was interesting to learn of the cultural demands of her family and why they embraced these demands. Keeping face is especially important in many cultures despite the negative impact it can have.
The treatment of females in many cultures has led to women across the world voicing their anger and frustrations. Ruhi has spoken out in a calm and rational way to shine a light on one such circumstance. She is to be applauded for her bravery. It cannot be easy to open up about your childhood, teenage years and even adulthood to the wider community.
This is an important depiction of cultural abuse of women which although not as horrific as some are still needs to be told and accepted by society.
Congratulations Ruhi on a highly informative, interesting and readable memoir.

[Lesley Olariu · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Good Indian Daughter” by Ruhi Lee is a memoir written by a young married woman about to give birth to a daughter and retelling her own past in a gritty, no holds barred manner. Her upbringing as the first child of a traditional Indian family who migrate from India to Melbourne holds many similarities to other daughters of other backgrounds but is interesting in that we get a sense of the expectations, familial relationships and general baggage Ruhi has to deal with growing up.
We hear of corporal punishment, abuse, psychological manipulation, body shaming, guilt and depression….with seemingly little respite. I didn’t really find too much humour but after counselling sessions both alone and with family, Ruhi finds her voice and constructs some boundaries to protect her own family from the mistakes of the past. She speaks up strongly for anyone in the same predicament and if awareness is raised then this memoir hits the spot. Thanks to Better Reading Preview #brpreview and Affirm Press for the advance reading copy.

[Hirell Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently received a copy of Good Indian daughter by Ruhi Lee thanks to @Better Reading and @Affirm press. This is a deeply personal and touching memoir of an Indian girl growing up in Australia. Trying to maintain tradition from her Indian culture whilst finding herself within a very strict old fashioned family. Sometimes funny often tough to read because she never feels good enough and always feels like the black sheep of the family. Its a touching story of always staying true to who you are and what you believe in whilst being sensitive about how your actions and beliefs will affect others. It's culturally interesting and at the same time gives perspective on how people from different cultural backgrounds perceive us.
I really learnt a lot from this great book and feel many would learn a lot about diversity from reading it. I loved it and read it in a day.

[Lina Happo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Indian daughter is an intimate portrayal of Lee’s struggles (and ultimately triumphs) as she navigates life as the eldest daughter of immigrant parents from India. She is deeply conflicted by the cultural and traditional expectations placed upon her by her family which is in stark contrast to her views shaped by growing up in Australia.

The memoir is well written. It is poignant in parts whilst maintaining its hilarity throughout. Although narrated in the first person, we as the readers felt privy to the perspectives of all protagonists (Lee herself, her mother and her father).

This open and honest memoir tackles many important topics of mental health, emotional and physical abuse within the family, racism, and the cultural subjugation of women.

Her strength in staying true to herself may have been a disappointment to her parents, but it is an inspiration to all immigrant daughters in Australia.

[kepz_lovesreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ruhi Lee's memoir is a entertaining look at what life is like growing up as the child of immigrants in Australia.
Her parents are struggling to cope with a different culture and the fact that the expectations they are placing on their daughter, don't necessarily suit the new country they call home.
This is a well written memoir that I could really relate to especially growing up in Melbourne myself. And I really enjoyed the open-ness that Ruhi presented on her Indian culture.
I really enjoy these types of memoirs as they are so different to my own life yet so similar in some ways. I wish we had more interesting life stories like this available.

[Karen Bennett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Indian Daughter by Ruhi Lee
An emotional memoir.
Ruhi shows us the challenges she faces growing up within her traditional Indian family in suburban Melbourne. Cultural traditions, changing times and personality conflicts are responsible for Ruhi’s emotional state and her need to seek guidance to heal her damaged self. Through intense family love and persistence, Ruhi deals with her past thus breaking the cycle to make way for an exciting future.
Very sensitive and thought provoking!!!
Karen posted 01/07/2021

[Raj · Rating 5 out of 5]

A captivating memoir of growing up with immigrant parents of South Asian origin as a Melbournian. Intriguing (I finished it in one day), shocking and funny at times (Promite!). I could identify with nearly all of the author’s experiences (I am a UK born Indian) and share her frustration that her parents (and mine also) just don’t seem to have the emotional skills or language to understand their daughter their let alone support her. I wish her immense happiness in her life and a richness and closeness in the relationship with her daughter that she never had as a child.

[Lee McKerracher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Imagine sitting down, having a coffee with your best friend and chatting about your life, loves, hopes, dreams and fears. This is what its like reading Good Indian Daughter.

Ruhi Lee has a beautiful writing style that invites you in, so close that you feel what she feels. Ruhi describes growing up trying to meet the expectations of not only her parents, but her culture. This constant struggle to achieve what they wanted her to achieve is accompanied by a family that wants the best for her, but also wants to dictate how and when that happens.

Then, slowly as the book unfolds, Ruhi reveals deeper struggles and discusses the problem, not only of gender based violence and abuse, but also racism. Her discussion of the Indian and Australian cultures; what is accepted, what is considered 'normal' behaviour, may be eye-opening for some, give strength to others and raises many many issues that we all, as a society, need to deal with and overcome.

It took courage for Ruhi (her nom-de-plume) to write this but it gives hope that the more light that is focused on these problems, the more visibility they will get, leading to us all to say - no more.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Good Indian Daughter" by Ruhi Lee. I was hooked from the first line and although I expected a comedic story, I discovered this book was so much more. Ruhi Lee had me laughing, smirking, surprised and genuinely caring about her and her life. I came along on her journey from dutiful (mostly) daughter to her realisation that following that path was destructive to her mental health. This was not written in a morose manner, but with a light, yet resolute touch and I hope that it is not the last we see from this author. An enjoyable read, despite the subject matter. Thank you to BetterReading and Affirm Press for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Radhika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this! So good to read a memoir from a South Asian woman in Australia. Oh the lifelong quest for women to be ‘good’ in Indian culture! Brutally honest, funny, sad, reflective, insightful and oh-so-relatable for me in so many ways.