The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are

by Ronald D. Siegel

“Did I sound stupid?” “Should I have sent that email?” “How do I look?” Many of us spend a lot of time feeling self-conscious and comparing ourselves to others. Why do we judge ourselves so relentlessly? Why do we strive so hard to be special or successful, or to avoid feeling rejected? When psychologist and mindfulness expert Dr. Ronald Siegel realized that he, as well as most of his clients, was caught in a cycle of endless self-evaluation, he decided to do something about it. This engaging, empowering guide sheds light on this very human habit--and explains how to break it. Through illuminating stories and exercises, practical tools (which you can download and print for repeated use), and guided meditations with accompanying audio downloads, Dr. Siegel invites you to stop obsessing so much about how you measure up. Instead, by accepting the extraordinary gift of being ordinary, you can build stronger connections with others and get more joy out of life.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Science, Unfinished

286 pages, Hardcover

Published March 9, 2022

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

He does such a wonderful job of explaining the ambient soundtrack in our heads regarding our constant self-evaluation. We are living up to an inner standard and trying to feel good about ourselves when we did not evolve to be happy. Humans evolved to survive. Is this why stress related disorders show up after we reach the age of reproduction? I think the take away is to lean into our insignificance and use tools of mindfulness to become less preoccupied with ourselves to recalibrate our narcissistic tendencies and find ways to reduce our suffering.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this! What a helpful and sweet book. Loved that it’s written by a researcher but feels so approachable and human. Great exercises to practice to interrupt self evaluative thinking and promote being present, open hearted, generous and grateful. I’d like to revisit some of my highlights and some of the exercises for myself and could also see recommending this book to patients who feel caught in the trap of needing to be special.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best self-help books I've read in a long time. Really comforting. A must read for strivers, praise junkies and grade grubbers everywhere.

[Kara Marziali · Rating 3 out of 5]

You're not that special...and neither am I. (Whew, what a relief!) Letting go of perfectionism and people-pleasing has continued to be a struggle for me, but Ronald Siegel gives us permission to be flawed, ordinary, and beautifully human. The book offers practical advice and wisdom as well as online written and recorded resources at giftofbeingordinary.com. So, go ahead and do something unremarkable today. (No pressure though; it's ok to simply be a run-of-the-mill reader!)

[Tim Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most thought provoking but practical self improvement book I’ve read, with rich wisdom, fruitful food for thought and excellent helps for self criticism and connecting with other imperfect people in a culture that feeds us the lie that we’re nothing if not extraordinary. I’ve been barking up the wrong tree for most of my life.

[calliope · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ!

in today's world where we constantly look for approval that we are extraordinary and special, this book made a big spin and cancels out every self-help books that suggests that being ordinary and boring is bad news.

Siegel dug a place in my heart and just implanted on it that "we can feel more love, gratitude, and worry less about how well we're doing and actually relax and enjoy our lives." This book taught me about selflessness, dropping the act, challenging ways of thinking, allowing failure and learning from mistakes. it also helped me face and heal my hurts and trauma from growing up.

these inner-sabotaging voices who critics our self-worth keeps us from connecting with others. i learned that i have to let it go and stop thinking about how i must impress other people.

we should accept that we're imperfect people and this makes us human. appreciating every parts of our humanity has never been a delight. let's see things take place and just live every bit of where we can go and until when we can breathe ♡

[Marci · Rating 3 out of 5]

I strongly recommend reading rather than listening to this book. The narrator is so bad I thought he was a bot. Nope, just a guy with an uncanny ability to narrate like a robot. Additionally, the book comes with a bunch of exercises so it’s helpful to have the physical book.

I bought this book because I adore Ron Siegel and heard him give a talk with a lot of content pulled from this book. Turns out I liked the talk way more than the book and a significant reason being Ron’s warmth and engaging speaking style which was obliterated in the audio version.

I really like the first section but found the middle section less engaging because he pulled from books and thought leaders that I’m already very familiar with.

I recommend this book to folks for whom concepts of mindfulness, self-compassion, and parts work are new.

[Todd Colvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally got around to reading this one after hearing this author’s interview on the 10% Happier podcast and loving it. I didn’t love the book version quite as much. I agree with the book’s premise, that it’s better to cut ourselves more slack instead of relentlessly trying to change ourselves to fit some impossible standard of perfection. I remember in the interview the author having a lot of good and wise one liners, but I didn’t find as many of those in the book. Any reminder to be nicer to yourself is a good one though.

[Brigid Douglass · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book proposed some interesting ways to deal with certain feelings like perfectionism, an inner critic, and self-centered behaviors - some of which I’ve heard of (like meditation) - though the exercises he presented were new to me.

I gave it 3 stars because I got a little bored in the middle of it and didn’t feel like any of the information being presented was particularly new (to me), aside from the specific exercises.

[Erin Hawes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible and I am surprised it is not more popular than it is. A lot of the suggestions the author gives are things that I’ve heard before, but the way that he relates them to the need to be extraordinary and feelings or worthlessness made things click for me like they haven’t in the past. This is a book that I will come back to and reference in years to come as it has many good exercises and points of wisdom.

[Freya Main · Rating 4 out of 5]

jack edwards quoted someone else saying that instead of a favourite book, we should speak about books we return to often. I will return to this often. a great collection of a lot of backed up advice - spoiler: it turns out other people matter and you don’t, but like, in the best way possible. 

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just wasn’t the reader for this book that my therapist suggested.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I should probably listen to regularly. So good.

[Adrienne Colla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent advice that I needed to hear.

[Allison Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book. So insightful.

[Delia A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extraordinary simple and practical. It changed the way I see myself and others.

[Cara Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a lovely book, there were plenty of engaging anecdotes, plenty of helpful exercises, and funny little quips. Not my first books engaging with these concepts, but I think it is a really good summary of them.