Dear Damage

by Ashley Farmer

Two weeks before her grandfather purchased a gun, Ashley Marie Farmer’s grandmother tripped as she walked across their living room. It was a swift accident on an ordinary day: her chin hit the floor; her cervical spine shattered. She asked, “I’m paralyzed, aren’t I?” Later, thinking to put her out of her misery, he kissed his sleeping wife of sixty-three years and shot her in the chest. He tried to shoot himself too, but the weapon broke apart in his hands. He was immediately arrested. This is the scene we are greeted with at the outset of Farmer’s stunning collection of hybrid essays. One of its greatest features is the variety of voices, a kaleidoscopic approach that corals in autobiography, audio transcripts, media, legal documents, Internet comments, short prose pieces, and more. The result is a moving, deeply satisfying, eye-opening story that will surely find many readers.

Genres: Essays, Memoir, Nonfiction

200 pages, Paperback

First published March 15, 2022

Reviews

[Sherri Thacker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recently listened to this author on Carrie Carrello’s Facebook page and it sounded like a great book. I immediately got it from my library and dove right in. This is a memoir of her life and what happened is just tragic. Her grandmother slipped and fell and broke her neck. While she was in the hospital, her husband (which was her grandfather) shot and killed her then tried to kill himself but the gun broke and he was arrested and put in jail. I just can’t imagine this happening in my family and I found myself thinking “what if”! This was a powerful book with ALL the emotions!

[Sabrina Romano · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling story and unique structure, would recommend.

[Savanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read Dear Damage for bookclub and we had the special opportunity for the author attend our meeting. Being able to hear the stories in-person from the author gave them so much meaning. This small book takes on big topics like assisted suicide and gun rights but is also a beautiful tribute to the author’s grandparents. I found myself missing my own grandparents as I was reading it and reminiscing about the memories I have of them.

[Jaden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for Living Writers.

This reminded me of Blue Nights. Farmer’s style is so readable, lots of Great Sentences.

[Sunni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down. Read it in about 2 days and loved it. Ashley’s voice, her honesty, her gentleness toward her family and the world in general (as wrecked as strange as we all are) made this one of the most deeply compassionate books I’ve read in a long time. I loved the blend of micro essays/prose poems with longer essays, transcripts of interviews, and poems. It’s a beautiful and generous collection.

[NatashaHull · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dear Damage was a very interesting read. Farmer combines many short essays about different parts of her life and how they have shaped her, forming one overall theme of damage. However, she also shows how damage shapes an individual, and how life keeps going despite trials one might encounter. I loved how the book was both personal yet distant at different parts, which made it more relatable. I feel that most people approach their own hurts in a very similar manner; we want to talk about it, but we can’t get too drawn in and still climb out on our own.

One thing that I appreciated about the way the book is structured the interludes with transcripts of conversations that Farmer had with her grandparents before tragedy struck. It is a simple way to show readers who her grandparents were, and how much joy and love they felt for one another. It also tells me that despite the hurt of the situation, Farmer still cherishes her childhood with her family and loves them dearly. I also appreciated the facts that Farmer includes in the essay “Body Composition.” Most of the facts that are shared were things that I did not know before reading this book. It’s cool how a few simple facts or a few short essays can shift the way you think about life.

Essays are not usually my go to for reading, but I am glad I chose to read Dear Damage. I enjoyed the journey Farmer took me on throughout the book, and the way she slowly grew more comfortable with herself and what had happened in her life. For anyone who likes reflective pieces, I would definitely recommend this book.

[Emily May · Rating 4 out of 5]

Farmer’s language and the way she paints each scene around her are so beautiful. She weaves heavy topics of gun violence and death with her experiences growing up using essays, audio transcripts of conversations with her grandparents, and even a collection of Internet comments. I was immediately captivated by the first story she depicts of the tragedy of her grandparents and how that leads into some larger issues regarding gun violence. However, by the end of the book, I didn’t feel like she was truly finished writing.

By the way she introduced the characters and story, I assumed this would lead into a deeper conversation about the issue of gun violence that plagues our society today. Farmer only seems to scratch the surface of these issues, and I would have loved to see more of a deeper dive into that. She does a very good job explaining her past experiences with violence and death, and she does briefly note the issue of school shootings, but for this book to be a real commentary on damage and the effect that it leaves, I wanted her to also show the effect it leaves on society and the people that have lost loved ones to school shootings or other forms of gun violence. Overall, though, Farmer is an incredible writer and storyteller that has lived through massive trials and struggles with the story of her grandparents and communicates each difficult emotion in an impactful way.

[Avery Dall-Hilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this collection of essays. It stands out in the genre as it contains a narrative arch amidst the essays which is difficult to pull off well without it turning into a memoire. Farmer weaves narrative nonfiction with essayistic thought while experimenting with form and structure.
She explores themes of love, loss, art, grief, and familial bonds. When I started reading this book, I couldn’t stop. I was immediately drawn in by Farmer’s ability to craft story wonder openly on the page about difficult topics with its foundation in a deeply personal and tragic event. She discusses the complexity of grief and the lack of clear answers or responses in the face of tragedy. Each essay is full of raw wondering that demands to be heard and considered.
While this book deals with some heavier things, she does a good job of balancing it out with transcripts from conversations with her grandparents as well as some childhood memories and a few humorous pieces as well. We don’t delve into every detail of her life, just a snapshot of a time and place which I think is very well done.
Overall, this book is a marvelous insight into the struggle to overcome tragedy, without feeling preachy or like the author has all the answers. In fact, the greatest strength of this book is that we learn alongside the author that there really is no perfect answer or easy fix. It’s a love letter to family, partners, art, teaching, and pain and damage itself.

[Faith Aldridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dear Damage is like a museum of exquisite art pieces, and Ashley Farmer is the curator gathering expressive stories from her life to create a gallery. I started this book not knowing quite what to expect – I don’t often read memoirs, or nonfiction books in general, so I wasn’t sure whether I would enjoy this collection. However, I’m pleased to report that I was hooked by the first page. For anyone who wants to get into nonfiction literature, I would recommend this book as a stepping stone.

Farmer’s writing style is inviting and relatable, and her ability to weave moments of light into a rather serious subject matter is incredibly impressive. Abandoning your typical chronological style of storytelling, Farmer shows the audience that the point of her writing isn’t necessarily to tell a linear story, but rather to showcase and highlight moments from her life that reflect major themes like family, love, and damage. By using a variety of different formats – for example, transcribing interview transcripts, collecting a variety of online social media comments, switching between different points of view, and writing in a traditional essay format – Farmer ensures that each new section of this book feels new and fresh. Overall, I found this book to be incredibly engaging and there were times where I simply could not put it down.

As mentioned previously, I would recommend this book to anyone seeking to venture into the world of nonfiction. This book is an easy read, Farmer’s voice is genuine, and the story she weaves together is both beautiful and substantive. I’m eager to read more of Farmer’s work in the future.

[Kate]

I’m having a hard time rating this memoir because what I would have done/wanted the author to do with her subject is not what she chose to do. In the introduction she talked about all she learned about right-to-die policy, gun policy, the health care system, and the criminal justice system. I would have loved to see her use her grandfather’s shooting as the starting off point to talk about these other issues, but instead she focused on her own introspection. Her introspection was good, but just not what I was hoping for. One of my favorite chapters was selections of the online comments to the news reports of the shooting - ironically, not words that she wrote, but the most interesting reflection of what her grandfather did in a larger societal context. And maybe that’s what I was hoping for - more about specific reactions/connections to the event that makes her story unusual (how many people have a grandfather who shoots their grandmother?) rather than learning about her struggles with being an adjunct professor or her dating life.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and can certainly recommend it. I would have given it five stars, too, but the first chapter of Part Five (“Second Person”) lost this book a star.

The story of the family is so heartfelt and real. I loved the different perspectives that she used. The culminating tragedy is told in the first two pages, so there is no long, drawn out teasing. It’s all just real people with real lives. Excellent!

(I just don’t like reading the second person pronouns. It annoyed me, and the warm fuzziness for the story drained out of me. Not all the way, of course. It was only one chapter after all.)

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book of essays to be interesting and thought provoking! Tackling issues such as “the right to die” and the pandemic. The most interesting is the first story about her grandmother falling and becoming paralyzed. She is in so much pain and wants to die so her husband tried to honor her wishes by purchasing a gun and shooting her. He then turned it on himself but the gun malfunctioned and he was arrested. Elements of this story pop up throughout the book in many essays about her childhood. I enjoyed the book and I’m looking forward to meeting the author at our bookclub.

[Rebecca Olander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished this stunning collection of essays by Ashley Marie Farmer. Yes, it includes guns, which I can’t even write was harder to be reading these last weeks (started on the train to NYC just after Buffalo and now, Uvalde) because part of the point is that they are always with us, but it also holds so much more - family, love, marriage, music, place, empathy, time, work, grief, culture… For me, particularly resonant were the places touched by the late poet/musician David Berman and by the deep pleasures and chronic frustrations of adjunct teaching in America. Brava to the writer on this moving hybrid, lyrical, human collection.

[Tamia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down. Ashley Farmer has a gift for poetically and empathetically telling a devastating, yet true story of family, life, love, and pain. Her narrative style is unique and eloquent. Favorite quote: "Grief makes you urgent and useless."

[Becky Hillary · Rating 5 out of 5]

These non-fiction essays captured my attention. I enjoyed Ashley's voice paired with the news and documentation after the tragic event as well as the sprinkling of happy stories from her childhood mixed in.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The collection is a little uneven. Includes excellent, thoughtful essays, but the short transcripts of conversations with her grandparents I found less interesting. Still, I recommend the book on the strength of the essays.

[Anja]

I like the way the author describes scenes; it's very vivid.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've never read a memoir in this hybrid essay from before, and was surprised how much I enjoyed it. It's absolutely stunning, thought provoking, heart wrenching. I could hardly put it down.

[Ben]

A love letter and a dirge, a rumination on grief, family, a life in the arts, and never less than beautiful.

[Chrissy]

(Read for a class)

[Madeline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Couldn't put it down

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely amazing. So touching and beautifully written. 5 stars.