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Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness
Marvin played catch with his father, Eli, only once--it didn't end well. Eli never laughed, rarely spoke with his son, and was periodically lambasted by his wife for his lack of ambition. How had a Harvard graduate failed to achieve all that he had once hoped for?
Now an experienced investigative journalist, Marvin Olasky uncovers the true story of his father's past in his most personal work to date--facing Eli's pain and his own in order to understand and forgive. He follows Eli from his Orthodox Jewish childhood in Boston to his days as a commuter student at Harvard to his traumatic experiences in Germany following World War II to his embrace of Reconstructionist Judaism, describing a "spiritual and psychological death by one thousand cuts"--and discovering what he owes to his parents.
Now an experienced investigative journalist, Marvin Olasky uncovers the true story of his father's past in his most personal work to date--facing Eli's pain and his own in order to understand and forgive. He follows Eli from his Orthodox Jewish childhood in Boston to his days as a commuter student at Harvard to his traumatic experiences in Germany following World War II to his embrace of Reconstructionist Judaism, describing a "spiritual and psychological death by one thousand cuts"--and discovering what he owes to his parents.
120 pages, Paperback
Published June 2, 2021
12 people are currently reading
205 people want to read
About the author
Marvin Olasky
58 books47 followersMarvin Olasky is a senior fellow of the Discovery Institute and an affiliate scholar at the Acton Institute. He also chairs the Zenger House Foundation, serves as a Zenger Prize judge, and is the author of 29 books. From 1992 through 2021, he edited World.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
September 28, 2021
I grew up reading World magazine, which Marvin Olasky contributes to and edits, and I appreciate his investigative journalism and opinion pieces. Because I remember him writing some about his frustrations and strained relationship with his late father, I knew that I wanted to read this book, in which he deeply explores his father's story to try to understand him. This is a very unique memoir, since it combines the author's personal experience with investigative research, which included looking at school records and assignments from his father's time in Harvard. The book deals with a variety of different themes related to troubled family dynamics and marital discord, and delves into Olasky's father's experience with anti-Semitism, disillusionment at Harvard, World War II traumas, and a changing view of faith, in which he came to see Judaism from a primarily cultural and not religious standpoint.
Olasky writes with deep sensitivity to what his father may have thought and felt at different times, without any unfounded speculation. The book can seem somewhat vague, since Olasky cannot fill in all of the sensory or emotional details of events that occurred before his birth, but he turned up enough information to write about his father's past with clarity and detail, creating a sense of time and place while helping himself and his readers see how his dad became the frustrated, emotionally detached man that he knew while growing up. He also shares information about other family members' traumatic backgrounds, and about the peace he has found in God's grace and mercy, knowing that generational trauma can end, and that he doesn't have to scapegoat older family members to find meaning in his story. He also writes briefly at the end about the circumstance of his conversion to Christianity.
Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness is a very unique book, and even though the story it covers is very particular, it addresses universal themes within its very direct specifics. I appreciated this book from a historical perspective, especially with the specific details related to early twentieth century Jewish life and mid-century transitions after World War II, but even if someone isn't interested in the historical element, the book's emotional core will resonate with those who have experienced similar family struggles or witnessed them in others' lives. This book is a moving meditation on the significance of generational trauma and what it means to lament the hurts that others have inflicted while also having compassion for them.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Olasky writes with deep sensitivity to what his father may have thought and felt at different times, without any unfounded speculation. The book can seem somewhat vague, since Olasky cannot fill in all of the sensory or emotional details of events that occurred before his birth, but he turned up enough information to write about his father's past with clarity and detail, creating a sense of time and place while helping himself and his readers see how his dad became the frustrated, emotionally detached man that he knew while growing up. He also shares information about other family members' traumatic backgrounds, and about the peace he has found in God's grace and mercy, knowing that generational trauma can end, and that he doesn't have to scapegoat older family members to find meaning in his story. He also writes briefly at the end about the circumstance of his conversion to Christianity.
Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness is a very unique book, and even though the story it covers is very particular, it addresses universal themes within its very direct specifics. I appreciated this book from a historical perspective, especially with the specific details related to early twentieth century Jewish life and mid-century transitions after World War II, but even if someone isn't interested in the historical element, the book's emotional core will resonate with those who have experienced similar family struggles or witnessed them in others' lives. This book is a moving meditation on the significance of generational trauma and what it means to lament the hurts that others have inflicted while also having compassion for them.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
July 8, 2021
I really enjoyed this one. Olasky, a journalist and editor by trade, takes up the task of writing a history of his father (who has passed) with the aim of better understanding some of his challenges & weaknesses. A really quick read, but I left with a mix of sadness, empathy, and hope.
From the last page:
"My father was wounded, as was my mother, as was her father, as were the Cossacks, as is everyone. But no wound is too deep for Christ to heal."
From the last page:
"My father was wounded, as was my mother, as was her father, as were the Cossacks, as is everyone. But no wound is too deep for Christ to heal."
September 27, 2023
Playing catch is a time-honored father-son interaction. Marvin Olasky’s only baseball-related encounter with his father resulted in a missed throw and his father walking away to go back inside.
Marvin uses this incident to typify his relationship with his father, who he says “never laughed and rarely spoke.” His father had been a Harvard graduate with high hopes, but now was frequently chided by his wife for having IQ but no DQ (“determination quotient”).
Marvin’s father, Eli Olasky, died in 1984. In a quest to understand his father better, Marvin used his investigative journalism skills to research Eli’s history. When Marvin, long-time editor of WORLD Magazine, wrote an article about his dysfunctional relationship with his father, letters poured in from readers with their own father difficulties. So Marvin shared his research into his father in Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness.
Marvin interviewed family members, requested his father’s service records, and pieced together what he knew of history at the time and places his father lived. He traces Eli’s progression from a Jewish neighborhood and Hebrew school in addition to day school, Harvard attendance, WWII, where he assisted displaced Jews right after the war, when the Nazis hadn’t had time to dispose of all the bodies before fleeing, disappointment in graduate study opportunities, his series of short-lived teaching or administrative jobs.
His father was a quiet man, probably suffering from PTSD. He avoided arguments, walking away to go to his office and read. He avoided answering questions as well, brushing the questioner off by saying “It’s not important.”
Eli believed in ethnic and cultural but not religious Judaism. He thought the biblical miracles didn’t happen and the narratives were inspirational stories rather than history.
Marvin admits to not respecting his father in his teen and young adult years. He came to regret that later in life. His research made his father come alive in his mind and helped him understand him better. His change of heart toward his father is clear, but he doesn’t say much about processing forgiveness. Obviously, understanding his father better made forgiveness easier, which is a lesson for us all.
At the end of the book, at his publisher’s request, Marvin included his testimony of how he grew up Jewish, became an atheist and Communist, but was converted to Christianity.
Marvin uses this incident to typify his relationship with his father, who he says “never laughed and rarely spoke.” His father had been a Harvard graduate with high hopes, but now was frequently chided by his wife for having IQ but no DQ (“determination quotient”).
Marvin’s father, Eli Olasky, died in 1984. In a quest to understand his father better, Marvin used his investigative journalism skills to research Eli’s history. When Marvin, long-time editor of WORLD Magazine, wrote an article about his dysfunctional relationship with his father, letters poured in from readers with their own father difficulties. So Marvin shared his research into his father in Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness.
Marvin interviewed family members, requested his father’s service records, and pieced together what he knew of history at the time and places his father lived. He traces Eli’s progression from a Jewish neighborhood and Hebrew school in addition to day school, Harvard attendance, WWII, where he assisted displaced Jews right after the war, when the Nazis hadn’t had time to dispose of all the bodies before fleeing, disappointment in graduate study opportunities, his series of short-lived teaching or administrative jobs.
His father was a quiet man, probably suffering from PTSD. He avoided arguments, walking away to go to his office and read. He avoided answering questions as well, brushing the questioner off by saying “It’s not important.”
Eli believed in ethnic and cultural but not religious Judaism. He thought the biblical miracles didn’t happen and the narratives were inspirational stories rather than history.
Marvin admits to not respecting his father in his teen and young adult years. He came to regret that later in life. His research made his father come alive in his mind and helped him understand him better. His change of heart toward his father is clear, but he doesn’t say much about processing forgiveness. Obviously, understanding his father better made forgiveness easier, which is a lesson for us all.
At the end of the book, at his publisher’s request, Marvin included his testimony of how he grew up Jewish, became an atheist and Communist, but was converted to Christianity.
December 24, 2022
A very moving instance of the timeless story of a son searching for his father. Also, though the stories of present and historic anti-Semitism are (unfortunately) numerous and oft-published today, nevertheless every time I hear or read of the same or new horrors such as the ones I read in this book, it feels like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown in my face in the morning to wake me up from my insulated Western life to the many awful realities of sin this world. Adjectives like "awful" and "horrible" are insufficient. Anti-Semitism is absolutely intolerable, as of course are all such bigotries, but this especially so given its pernicious history. These stories of hatred are not the center of this narrative, but they do lie beneath the surface of the whole thing, including the disgusting eugenicists Dr. Olasky's father encounters at Harvard in the 30s. His traumatic experiences there and during WWII in the liberation of the camps are what more than likely changed him from an ambitious and tireless young man into a very reclusive and closed off husband and father seeking to rescue his Jewish heritage without God or an emotional connection with his family. It's a tragedy in many ways, yet it is encouraging to read the way Dr. Olasky has processed it and how the Lord has redeemed his circumstances in many ways. Sin can have devastating multi-generational consequences, and yet the Lord can use even these troubled circumstances to bring about redemption. This is one of those stories, and I would heartily commend it to anyone.
July 23, 2021
Some people cannot grasp why people behave the way they do. Olasky, trying to honor his parents rather than joining the victim narrative our culture has adopted, researches his father’s life. Without spoiling the book, he finds out things that make sense of his father’s behavior and helps him to honor his dad. He does a great job showing how Christ can break the curse of original sin and redeem the ways passed on to us from our fathers. Great book!
February 9, 2024
A deeply moving story of learning to understand why people are the way they are and forgive them. This is a story of growing in empathy for someone whose life affected him greatly – his father. But it is also a story for all of us in helping us deal with people who have hurt us. I was reminded of Pearl S. Buck's story about her father, "Fighting Angel: Portrait of a Soul." Buck also grows in empathy for her father and why he was the way he was. But in addition, Olasky writes of how learning about his father made him see himself differently; his own self-centered focus on himself, his reacting to his father the same way his father had reacted to him, and his own shortcomings as a son. He says that "scapegoating" is an occupational hazard for those who write about their families. As in blaming other people for the way I am. But he wonderfully avoids that hazard in with an open-hearted look at himself. And ultimately, Olasky does what Pearl Buck did not. He leads us to a merciful Savior, Jesus Christ, where he finds peace with his God, and peace with his father even though he is long gone. In the appendix, he tells the story of his conversion to Christianity which shows both the dogged, patient grace of God and also God's sense of humor. His recounting of the church he found in San Diego and the visit from the church deacon made me shake my head and almost laugh out loud.
August 19, 2021
Many years after his father Eli’s death, journalist and writer Marvin Olasky began to research his life. He sought to better understand the silent man who never laughed and never played with him.
The author tells his tale well, and enables us to enter both Eli’s and Marvin’s worlds. We see Eli at Harvard in the 1930’s, coming from an orthodox Jewish home, dealing with anti-Semitism and the eugenics craze; he becomes both an atheist and a Jewish reconstructionist, seeking to help Jews bond with and maintain their culture. His higher academic dreams flounder and his wife is bitterly disappointed. Home life is not happy.
As the author discovers and processes more about his father’s life and struggles, his perspective shifts. By reading this story and sharing in the author’s lament, we too can find understanding and forgiveness in our own difficult relationships. It also takes us back to a different time, to reflect on how the world has changed—and how some things never change.
After reading about the author’s background and upbringing, I wondered how he ended up as the editor of World Magazine. Therefore I enjoyed the brief epilogue where he described his own unlikely conversion from atheism and communism to Christianity.
Recommended!
The author tells his tale well, and enables us to enter both Eli’s and Marvin’s worlds. We see Eli at Harvard in the 1930’s, coming from an orthodox Jewish home, dealing with anti-Semitism and the eugenics craze; he becomes both an atheist and a Jewish reconstructionist, seeking to help Jews bond with and maintain their culture. His higher academic dreams flounder and his wife is bitterly disappointed. Home life is not happy.
As the author discovers and processes more about his father’s life and struggles, his perspective shifts. By reading this story and sharing in the author’s lament, we too can find understanding and forgiveness in our own difficult relationships. It also takes us back to a different time, to reflect on how the world has changed—and how some things never change.
After reading about the author’s background and upbringing, I wondered how he ended up as the editor of World Magazine. Therefore I enjoyed the brief epilogue where he described his own unlikely conversion from atheism and communism to Christianity.
Recommended!
October 4, 2021
Very thoughtful and well researched book about the author's search to understand his father and his mother. Growing up in a largely Jewish section of suburban Boston, Marvin's parents were both children of Russian/Ukrainian Jewish families. Various forms of brutal treatment in the run up to WWI caused their fathers to move to the US, but life was not easy there either. Delving into the lives of his grandparents and putting pieces together about his father after he passed on as well as his mother, Olasky comes to a clear realization of how much of an effect past generations can have on us today. The silence and distant nature of his father is linked to the suffering and desire of his father to save his children some of the horrors the father has seen. The anger of his mother is shown to be a cry for love which was lacking in her childhood--growing up with a hard working but suspicious father who himself had been tortured and betrayed in his Russian early adulthood.
Perhaps too late, Olasky realizes his introverted and he realizes even selfish nature. He becomes aware of his lack of concern for his parents when he was growing up, his impatience with them and even his embarrassment at their lack of success or better understanding of the world around him in hindsight. Out of this understanding comes love and respect, as well as a realization that we all need to realize how limited man's love and ability to take care of his family is. By contrast, Olasky realizes that although we should strive the best we can to be good people, we cannot become free of our past or pass that freedom on to our children without realizing the love and grace of Christ. After his marriage, Olasky converted to Christianity--he states that when we realize Christ's sacrifice: "We learn that we're worse than we have imagined but more loved than we would have hoped for...God does not ticket for Heaven those with good social conduct. Rather, God saves those He chooses to save regardless of their acts. Salvation then leads to better conduct."
Two hugely interesting side notes out of this book:
1) Olasky's father was accepted into Harvard in the 30's in the same class as JFK. It appears that Harvard did accept Jews but that often owing to the poverty of their families, Jews in effect had to be "commuters" to Harvard--something which carried a huge stigma. They were subject to huge pressures to be "the right sort" of Jews, but appear to have led very much of a shadowy existence. Olasky's father apparently thought JFK was a "fake".
2) Olasky's father did well in anthropology--especially relating to cultural aspects. But the leading light at Harvard in that department, E. A. Hooten, was very much of a "scientific" or "physical" anthropologist--researching different races and primates in order to determine their rank in some kind of evolutionary order. The discipline was explicitly linked to eugenics and racism--all in a pseudo-scientific wrapper. It is not only bizarre to see Harvard and other Ivy league universities in the 30's providing some quasi-scientific basis for such racism--at the same time Hitler was seeking to implement racial eugenics--, but also sobering to see the arrogance with which Ivy-league university tenured professors claimed "science" as a justification for their views. By extension, we should perhaps be cautious today before we accept any claims that "the" science is "in".
Highly recommended to all whose parents are still living and to those who are still imperfect parents themselves.
Perhaps too late, Olasky realizes his introverted and he realizes even selfish nature. He becomes aware of his lack of concern for his parents when he was growing up, his impatience with them and even his embarrassment at their lack of success or better understanding of the world around him in hindsight. Out of this understanding comes love and respect, as well as a realization that we all need to realize how limited man's love and ability to take care of his family is. By contrast, Olasky realizes that although we should strive the best we can to be good people, we cannot become free of our past or pass that freedom on to our children without realizing the love and grace of Christ. After his marriage, Olasky converted to Christianity--he states that when we realize Christ's sacrifice: "We learn that we're worse than we have imagined but more loved than we would have hoped for...God does not ticket for Heaven those with good social conduct. Rather, God saves those He chooses to save regardless of their acts. Salvation then leads to better conduct."
Two hugely interesting side notes out of this book:
1) Olasky's father was accepted into Harvard in the 30's in the same class as JFK. It appears that Harvard did accept Jews but that often owing to the poverty of their families, Jews in effect had to be "commuters" to Harvard--something which carried a huge stigma. They were subject to huge pressures to be "the right sort" of Jews, but appear to have led very much of a shadowy existence. Olasky's father apparently thought JFK was a "fake".
2) Olasky's father did well in anthropology--especially relating to cultural aspects. But the leading light at Harvard in that department, E. A. Hooten, was very much of a "scientific" or "physical" anthropologist--researching different races and primates in order to determine their rank in some kind of evolutionary order. The discipline was explicitly linked to eugenics and racism--all in a pseudo-scientific wrapper. It is not only bizarre to see Harvard and other Ivy league universities in the 30's providing some quasi-scientific basis for such racism--at the same time Hitler was seeking to implement racial eugenics--, but also sobering to see the arrogance with which Ivy-league university tenured professors claimed "science" as a justification for their views. By extension, we should perhaps be cautious today before we accept any claims that "the" science is "in".
Highly recommended to all whose parents are still living and to those who are still imperfect parents themselves.
December 30, 2021
We're all born into families. Families with histories, long histories. Full of the good and not so good. It took me till my forties to find peace that I was a product of my family's history. Peace came from acceptance which helped me to better understand my parents.
Olasky had a troubled relationship with his father. His father died before his son had time to learn more about him and this memoir is Olasky's way of discovering more about his parents and grandparents.
Olasky researched his father and mother so he could better understand them and in the absence of now dead father be able to make peace with the man he was and their poor relationship. It's fascinating the level of detail he was able to find but at times a little too much is provided that distracted me. I can only imagine the significant amount of content Olasky must have that didn't get included.
Clearly, Olasky found some understanding and as a consequence acceptance of who his Dad became, the significant impact WWII had on him, and his struggles with finding 'his thing' as he lived his life. Similarly, with his mother, who had grown up poorly treated by her father, Olasky gained understanding of why she was so disappointed in her husband as he didn't meet her expectations and hopes she had when they first met.
I've been fortunate to get to spend almost 10 years with my elderly and frail father and to discover more about his past and his parents which has given me so much more insight into what made him who he is and allowed me to be more accepting of him and our father/son connection.
This book only serves to further encourage me to recommend that all children should seek to do such as there are so many rich nuggets of wonder to be found in doing so.
Olasky had a troubled relationship with his father. His father died before his son had time to learn more about him and this memoir is Olasky's way of discovering more about his parents and grandparents.
Olasky researched his father and mother so he could better understand them and in the absence of now dead father be able to make peace with the man he was and their poor relationship. It's fascinating the level of detail he was able to find but at times a little too much is provided that distracted me. I can only imagine the significant amount of content Olasky must have that didn't get included.
Clearly, Olasky found some understanding and as a consequence acceptance of who his Dad became, the significant impact WWII had on him, and his struggles with finding 'his thing' as he lived his life. Similarly, with his mother, who had grown up poorly treated by her father, Olasky gained understanding of why she was so disappointed in her husband as he didn't meet her expectations and hopes she had when they first met.
I've been fortunate to get to spend almost 10 years with my elderly and frail father and to discover more about his past and his parents which has given me so much more insight into what made him who he is and allowed me to be more accepting of him and our father/son connection.
This book only serves to further encourage me to recommend that all children should seek to do such as there are so many rich nuggets of wonder to be found in doing so.
August 4, 2021
I have always enjoyed Olasky's columns in World magazine and when I saw that he had written a book exploring his father's history, and delving into the author's Jewish background, I was very excited to read it.
It is a sad, good book. It recalled to mind Chaim Potok's The Promise, which depicts a fictionalized account of the conflict between the Orthodox Jewish community and the Reconstructionists. That book left me feeling bruised all over. The terrible pain and grief of contorting yourself into the position of believing in neither God nor the Torah, but wanting to preserve the culture that said belief in God and the Torah built. Having lost faith but fearing that your loss will contribute to the deterioration of that which was already so brutally assaulted, so you try to preserve the structure, but leave the insides hollow.
It just aches.
Olasky wanted to understand his father better. Know him better. There is tenderness towards this imperfect man (though some lingering bitterness towards his mother, perhaps, even if it does offer insight to his father's struggles) and large gaps, made of all the things the author wishes he had thought to ask.
Definitely recommended.
It is a sad, good book. It recalled to mind Chaim Potok's The Promise, which depicts a fictionalized account of the conflict between the Orthodox Jewish community and the Reconstructionists. That book left me feeling bruised all over. The terrible pain and grief of contorting yourself into the position of believing in neither God nor the Torah, but wanting to preserve the culture that said belief in God and the Torah built. Having lost faith but fearing that your loss will contribute to the deterioration of that which was already so brutally assaulted, so you try to preserve the structure, but leave the insides hollow.
It just aches.
Olasky wanted to understand his father better. Know him better. There is tenderness towards this imperfect man (though some lingering bitterness towards his mother, perhaps, even if it does offer insight to his father's struggles) and large gaps, made of all the things the author wishes he had thought to ask.
Definitely recommended.
October 18, 2021
I’ve never read a book like Lament for a Father. In short, Martin Olask never got to know his father, despite knowing his father for his entire life. And so Olask, decades after his father’s death, wrote Lament for a Father as an attempt to know his father.
Olask, a veteran journalist, researches and retells his father’s life, discovering details along the way that provide context,
explanation, and shape to his father’s life.
In his posthumous attempt to meet and understand his father, Olask exhibits both lament for his relationship with father and compassion for his father. It’s remarkably Christian love for his father.
I resonate with the subject matter of Lament for a Father. Olaks, in his introduction, exhorts readers who has estranged parental relationship to strive, if possible, to meet their parents, to ask questions that he himself were never able to ask. I’m going to take his advice.
Olask, a veteran journalist, researches and retells his father’s life, discovering details along the way that provide context,
explanation, and shape to his father’s life.
In his posthumous attempt to meet and understand his father, Olask exhibits both lament for his relationship with father and compassion for his father. It’s remarkably Christian love for his father.
I resonate with the subject matter of Lament for a Father. Olaks, in his introduction, exhorts readers who has estranged parental relationship to strive, if possible, to meet their parents, to ask questions that he himself were never able to ask. I’m going to take his advice.
June 25, 2025
Really excellent writing and research here that showcases Olasky's journalistic prowess and his heart.
Lament for a Father on paper feels like something anyone with an Ancestry.com subscription wants to do - learn more about XYZ relative with the endless trove of information that is the Internet.
Olasky takes the subject more seriously than that. His father doesn't have a ton of information available, and the man died around 40 years before the publication of the book. Olasky's task was huge.
He compensates and enriches the story with plenty of context and insight into the culture his family was steeped in. Olasky's father (and grandfather) melt from stern, combative or authoritarian to humans with their own wounds, providing a platform for the Gospel in the book.
Olasky doesn't miss the opportunity to share his faith in the story and weaves it in easily through the broken lives of his family members. A really compelling read.
Lament for a Father on paper feels like something anyone with an Ancestry.com subscription wants to do - learn more about XYZ relative with the endless trove of information that is the Internet.
Olasky takes the subject more seriously than that. His father doesn't have a ton of information available, and the man died around 40 years before the publication of the book. Olasky's task was huge.
He compensates and enriches the story with plenty of context and insight into the culture his family was steeped in. Olasky's father (and grandfather) melt from stern, combative or authoritarian to humans with their own wounds, providing a platform for the Gospel in the book.
Olasky doesn't miss the opportunity to share his faith in the story and weaves it in easily through the broken lives of his family members. A really compelling read.
September 2, 2021
Marvin has done an incredible job of describing his journey of trying to understand his father and cementing his forgiveness of him in his soul. Maintaining his objectivity throughout the narrative, what his journey has done for all of us is blaze a trail that we can follow to make sure we have forgiven our fathers for their human frailties.
Marvin's life of change from a Marxist rebellious atheist to a born again Christian is a testimony to the grace and life-changing power of Almighty God. His quest to empathize with his father's trials instead of skewering him for his reactions to them can only be explained by God's desire that all His children become mature and discard bitterness.
The fact that Marvin does not sugar coat or excuse any of the apparent abuse provides a genuineness to the story and also demonstrates the breadth of God's reach.
Marvin's life of change from a Marxist rebellious atheist to a born again Christian is a testimony to the grace and life-changing power of Almighty God. His quest to empathize with his father's trials instead of skewering him for his reactions to them can only be explained by God's desire that all His children become mature and discard bitterness.
The fact that Marvin does not sugar coat or excuse any of the apparent abuse provides a genuineness to the story and also demonstrates the breadth of God's reach.
January 1, 2022
A writer curious about my odd father and grandfather like Marvin Olasky, I went hunting for what happened in his life?
I ended up a genealogist who has now written a half-dozen memoirs and family histories.
Like Olasky, I hunted, searched, reviewed, and rethought many things about my dad and grandfather that I was in no position to understand or know before.
That's what this book is--the story of Olasky's father's life and what Olasky learned about him.
This is a valuable exercise for anyone--and is the reason I think everyone should learn about their families and write down what they learned.
Like Olasky and me, you, too, may learn understanding, forgiveness, love, and greater appreciation for men who worked hard and in odd ways to give you a better life.
I'm glad I ended 2021 reading finishing this book.
I ended up a genealogist who has now written a half-dozen memoirs and family histories.
Like Olasky, I hunted, searched, reviewed, and rethought many things about my dad and grandfather that I was in no position to understand or know before.
That's what this book is--the story of Olasky's father's life and what Olasky learned about him.
This is a valuable exercise for anyone--and is the reason I think everyone should learn about their families and write down what they learned.
Like Olasky and me, you, too, may learn understanding, forgiveness, love, and greater appreciation for men who worked hard and in odd ways to give you a better life.
I'm glad I ended 2021 reading finishing this book.
July 8, 2023
This story is many things. It is the story of the generational consequences of war, anti-Semitism, and unhappy marriages in one family. It is the story of a man selling his religious birthright for a meal in secular academia only to find it reject him in the end. It is the story of the far-reaching yet unspoken horrors of the holocaust—even for a man who only experienced them indirectly. It is the story of how an ambitious and promising young Ivy League graduate became a middle-aged man devoid of hope and comfortable with disappointment. It is all these things, but most of all, it is the lament of a son for a father who was physically present but never really there.
It is a sad story, but a story I think everyone should read. For those with fathers who were absent or abusive, this story may provide a thoughtful perspective into the realities behind difficult paternal dynamics, and perhaps a seed of grace for a father who didn't measure up. For those with fathers who were present and loving, this story may serve as a poignant reminder of the privilege of a healthy paternal relationship—one which may have been previously taken for granted—and the soil in which a new, profound gratitude grows.
It is a sad story, but a story I think everyone should read. For those with fathers who were absent or abusive, this story may provide a thoughtful perspective into the realities behind difficult paternal dynamics, and perhaps a seed of grace for a father who didn't measure up. For those with fathers who were present and loving, this story may serve as a poignant reminder of the privilege of a healthy paternal relationship—one which may have been previously taken for granted—and the soil in which a new, profound gratitude grows.
July 5, 2021
The amount of time Dr.Olasky spent researching his family history must have consumed a lot of time. To try to understand a dysfunctional family was not his work but to understand who his family was - who were they, what was the whole story as best as he could follow their threaded lives. The writing is a once personal and so somewhat opaque as the writing style seems to be just the facts and nothing more…often “nothing more” left me trying to fill in the blanks but like the author neither could I.
One take away…Christ through the Holy Spirit can change us from the inside out. Would like to meet Dr. Olasky.
One take away…Christ through the Holy Spirit can change us from the inside out. Would like to meet Dr. Olasky.
July 26, 2021
A book of understanding and forgiveness
I liked Marvin Olasky's admitting his own faults with his father. An perfect father, but a desire on Marvin Olasky's to understand his parents and grandparents, and acknowledging sin as the basis for evil. I think this book would help people to heal from memories and patterns of their own hurtful pasts. I liked especially his revelation of his own conversion. I would recommend this book to anyone whether their childhood was bad or good for even good childhoods have moments that need understanding and forgiveness.
I liked Marvin Olasky's admitting his own faults with his father. An perfect father, but a desire on Marvin Olasky's to understand his parents and grandparents, and acknowledging sin as the basis for evil. I think this book would help people to heal from memories and patterns of their own hurtful pasts. I liked especially his revelation of his own conversion. I would recommend this book to anyone whether their childhood was bad or good for even good childhoods have moments that need understanding and forgiveness.
March 28, 2022
Olasky uses his research skills to get academic, employment and information of the different times in the life of his father.
Very interesting read: well written, brief, compelling, fun to see how he investigated his father and his background to come up with ideas and reasons for why his father seemed to lack ambition although he was a brilliant man. Olasky came up with reasons, possibilities for why his small family dynamics were so weird at times.
Olasky also writes about the events of his conversion from secular Jew to conservative evangelical Christian
Very interesting read: well written, brief, compelling, fun to see how he investigated his father and his background to come up with ideas and reasons for why his father seemed to lack ambition although he was a brilliant man. Olasky came up with reasons, possibilities for why his small family dynamics were so weird at times.
Olasky also writes about the events of his conversion from secular Jew to conservative evangelical Christian
August 24, 2024
Olasky’s “Lament for a Father” is a memoir about his dad. Olasky writes the story as a consummate journalist, objective and at times almost dispassionate. Olasky’s father is an ordinary man and the power of the story is his ordinariness. Olasky doesn’t have a ton of information to go on — his father didn’t disclose much, which led Olasky to research his dad. Olasky is a reliable voice and you feel for Olasky’s loss of relationship with his dad. If anything, I wish that Olasky shared a bit more of his own heart and story.
January 22, 2026
Dr. Olasky embarks on a very personal journey to try to understand what happened to his parents and their parents that contributed to generations of dysfunctional relationships. He emerges with greater compassion and gratitude, encouraging readers that it’s never too late to take such a journey themselves. Even though I understand why he did it, I found his use of the present tense in recounting historical events and memories a bit awkward to read.
September 6, 2021
I remember crying when I read Marvin Olasky's original article on his father. I am not surprised that he received abundant feedback.
This book was very interesting, but I was not left with much hope. That is, I suppose, where Olasky ended his journey as well. More understanding, more regret, greater empathy. But does he have hope or resolution? Tell us that, Marvin.
This book was very interesting, but I was not left with much hope. That is, I suppose, where Olasky ended his journey as well. More understanding, more regret, greater empathy. But does he have hope or resolution? Tell us that, Marvin.
August 30, 2021
This brief memoir explores the difficult relationship between journalist Marvin Olasky and his father. It's a lament because the story involves acknowledging pain but it also a pathway toward forgiveness as he began to understand more of his father's story.
October 2, 2021
I have the highest respect for Olasky and for the work he's done with welfare starting with his book The Tragedy of American Compassion. This book was personal and I really like how he sought to understand why his father was the way he was. Great book.
January 27, 2022
This is a short read and more of the author's personal journey than a prescriptive book. So while I found it interesting, it's not what I would've expected based on the title. (The story of his conversion at the end was powerful, so if you do pick it up, be sure and read that part!)
December 29, 2022
Excellent book and a writing style that keeps me engaged. Not sure what I expected from this book but I was immediately drawn into the story and loved the history, personal biographical details, and the God-honoring honesty.
February 6, 2023
Great story but not what I thought it would be. It is more so a biography of the author’s family (which I admit was very interesting) and not so much a book on forgiveness. I think the title may be a bit misleading, but I still felt impacted by the author’s words and story.
March 17, 2023
An excellent biography revolving around a Jewish man's family and career. But the short story also speaks to marriage, family, WWII, and Christianity. It's a very personal story, with calm reflection and perspective.
June 21, 2021
Just an excellent read.
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July 13, 2021Great Book
Well written, dense book. Has a surprising ending that gives testimony to the sovereignty of God. Would highly recommend to men in particular.
Well written, dense book. Has a surprising ending that gives testimony to the sovereignty of God. Would highly recommend to men in particular.
July 17, 2021
Marvin Olasky's transparency and research provoke the reader into rethinking his or her understanding of one's parents and grandparents. Good food for thought and reflection.
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