What do you think?
Rate this book
A Perfectionist's Guide to Not Being Perfect
It’s hard for teens to be happy when they’ve created a very narrow window of what defines success.
The goal of this helpful book is to encourage teens to maintain their desire to achieve without striving to always be perfect and to appreciate and love who they are just as they are, not for what they do or accomplish. Finding a balance between work and play is key. Challenging perfectionism is about the pursuit of happiness.
When teens can recognize that perfectionism is a disadvantage, they can become motivated to do something about it. For many, it may just be shifting the perfectionism a bit to land in a more positive place. It might be about deciding when and where to be slightly perfectionistic, when and where they can let go of high standards and all-or-nothing thinking, and when it’s okay to simply do a “good enough” job on something.
The goal of this helpful book is to encourage teens to maintain their desire to achieve without striving to always be perfect and to appreciate and love who they are just as they are, not for what they do or accomplish. Finding a balance between work and play is key. Challenging perfectionism is about the pursuit of happiness.
When teens can recognize that perfectionism is a disadvantage, they can become motivated to do something about it. For many, it may just be shifting the perfectionism a bit to land in a more positive place. It might be about deciding when and where to be slightly perfectionistic, when and where they can let go of high standards and all-or-nothing thinking, and when it’s okay to simply do a “good enough” job on something.
- GenresNonfictionPsychology
248 pages, Hardcover
Published February 1, 2022
13 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
May 24, 2022
This well-written guide to overcoming perfectionism shares great advice for teens without talking down to them. It is mainly targeted towards high schoolers, but is also appropriate for younger kids with advanced reading levels. I am very impressed with this book's practicality, clarity, and practical advice, and have only a few critiques.
Near the beginning, the author mentions her background in treating OCD and explains how and why OCD is different from perfectionism, even though they are often conflated in the public consciousness. Her explanation is clear and accurate, but I wish that she had explicitly stated that someone can deal with both problems at the same time. She probably assumed that this went without saying, but since perfectionists are prone to black-and-white thinking, I think it would have been helpful for her to explicitly say that some people will deal with OCD and perfectionism in overlapping ways.
My other critique is that the author emphasizes perfectionism as a form of people-pleasing without addressing teens who are just trying to live up to their own internal standards, and who don't think that their parents, teachers, or friends require as much from them as they require from themselves. She also doesn't address moral perfectionism / scrupulosity, even though she covers a wide variety of other forms of perfectionism.
When she shares exposure therapy ideas for different perfectionism sub-types, she often recommends that someone tell small lies about specific things targeted to that sub-type. She never acknowledges that telling lies will be inordinately distressing to someone with moral perfectionism, and doesn't provide any advice for dealing with that. For a scrupulous teen, the lie itself would be the exposure, and because she never addresses their sub-type, she doesn't provide any rationale for why they should do this.
Overall, I think that this is an excellent book. I highly recommend it for individuals, libraries, and school libraries, and think that it can help a wide range of people. Even though the bulk of my review is focused on things I thought were lacking, I don't intend for that to seem negative about the book. I just want to clarify the book's audience so that people with primarily self-driven perfectionism and/or moral scrupulosity will know that the book doesn't directly address their specific issues, even though it provides a range of great advice and helpful perspectives on dealing with perfectionism in general.
Near the beginning, the author mentions her background in treating OCD and explains how and why OCD is different from perfectionism, even though they are often conflated in the public consciousness. Her explanation is clear and accurate, but I wish that she had explicitly stated that someone can deal with both problems at the same time. She probably assumed that this went without saying, but since perfectionists are prone to black-and-white thinking, I think it would have been helpful for her to explicitly say that some people will deal with OCD and perfectionism in overlapping ways.
My other critique is that the author emphasizes perfectionism as a form of people-pleasing without addressing teens who are just trying to live up to their own internal standards, and who don't think that their parents, teachers, or friends require as much from them as they require from themselves. She also doesn't address moral perfectionism / scrupulosity, even though she covers a wide variety of other forms of perfectionism.
When she shares exposure therapy ideas for different perfectionism sub-types, she often recommends that someone tell small lies about specific things targeted to that sub-type. She never acknowledges that telling lies will be inordinately distressing to someone with moral perfectionism, and doesn't provide any advice for dealing with that. For a scrupulous teen, the lie itself would be the exposure, and because she never addresses their sub-type, she doesn't provide any rationale for why they should do this.
Overall, I think that this is an excellent book. I highly recommend it for individuals, libraries, and school libraries, and think that it can help a wide range of people. Even though the bulk of my review is focused on things I thought were lacking, I don't intend for that to seem negative about the book. I just want to clarify the book's audience so that people with primarily self-driven perfectionism and/or moral scrupulosity will know that the book doesn't directly address their specific issues, even though it provides a range of great advice and helpful perspectives on dealing with perfectionism in general.
November 27, 2022
This was a great guide to challenging perfectionism to becoming a happier and healthier person. Many people think that being a perfectionist is good, but the truth is that it can negatively impact your life. Challenging perfectionistic behaviors can help you live with less stress and more time to relax and let loose.
June 2, 2022
I really liked this one! It's written for teens and I don't consider myself a perfectionist, but there were definitely some pieces of this that were helpful for me to see. I loved the exposure therapy and self talk parts especially!
January 12, 2023
first off, if anyone is wondering, this book is directed more towards teens and middle schoolers.
i thought this book was so amazing. as someone who struggles with a feeling of needing to be perfect, this book gave me great strategies to deal with that feeling.
it also helped me recognize some situations in which i was acting like a perfectionist, but i didn’t even know it!
this was a very quick read with a very engaging format; there are diagrams and lists included throughout the novel.
overall, this book is great for people who are scared of criticism, perfectionists, and more. i recommend to every teen or middle schooler who is struggling with feeling like they must be good at everything they do.
i thought this book was so amazing. as someone who struggles with a feeling of needing to be perfect, this book gave me great strategies to deal with that feeling.
it also helped me recognize some situations in which i was acting like a perfectionist, but i didn’t even know it!
this was a very quick read with a very engaging format; there are diagrams and lists included throughout the novel.
overall, this book is great for people who are scared of criticism, perfectionists, and more. i recommend to every teen or middle schooler who is struggling with feeling like they must be good at everything they do.
September 27, 2024
Kitap genel olarak orta okul ve lise çağındaki gençlere hitap etse de aslında yetişkinler için de faydalı bilgiler ve mükemmeliyetçilikle başa çıkma yöntemleri sunuyor. Stresinin kaynağını çözemeyen, her şey için çok fazla efor sarf eden ve her şeyi kendi kurallarına göre yapmaya çalışan herkes okumalı.
November 23, 2022
Good advice. Picked up for my tween and ended up reading (and learning) myself.
“I had to learn how to be flexible in my thinking and flexible in general. To do this, I would often cue myself with the following talk: What would someone who is flexible think in this situation? What would they do?”
“I had to learn how to be flexible in my thinking and flexible in general. To do this, I would often cue myself with the following talk: What would someone who is flexible think in this situation? What would they do?”
August 21, 2023
Super helpful.
Added to my wishlist to buy & have to read.
Yes for teenagers but the simple clear cut concise writing was helpful.
Added to my wishlist to buy & have to read.
Yes for teenagers but the simple clear cut concise writing was helpful.
June 19, 2025
Recommend for teenagers
December 15, 2025
this one is a little ... preachy. good information, but i didn't love the format.
February 23, 2022
Thank you to the publisher for sending me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review!
This book was really helpful with understanding more about what perfectionism is and how it affects me. But it also talks more about perfectionism, in the sense that topics like self-kindness and open mindset is discussed and linked to perfectionism. Pretty good for my first non-fic read
I would highly recommend especially if you are being hard on yourself. <3
This book was really helpful with understanding more about what perfectionism is and how it affects me. But it also talks more about perfectionism, in the sense that topics like self-kindness and open mindset is discussed and linked to perfectionism. Pretty good for my first non-fic read
I would highly recommend especially if you are being hard on yourself. <3
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews