Marriage Ain't for Punks: A No-Nonsense Guide to Building a Lasting Relationship

by Calvin Roberson

Marriage is not the thing that is supposed to work. People are supposed to do the work!
The reality of marriage is... there are no secrets to making marriage work. You may never enjoy the image you have concocted of what a happy or beautiful marriage looks like or what great kids look like. Rather, in getting to your successful ending, you may experience much of the following:

You are so dog-tired of each other that your sex life will become inactive or uninspiring.
You will forget about communication boundaries and say whatever is on your mind because you are fed up!
There will be tears; there may be cursing; there could be screaming. Prayers may help, but don't take away the pain.

Conventional wisdom will say, "That's a marriage that's on its last leg. It's about to crash and burn." But according to Pastor Cal Roberson, this is a marriage that's setting the foundation for a beautiful reset.

Marriage Ain't for Punks is a relationship game changer. It is a straight-forward and unapologetic dive into why people fail or struggle at one of the most popular and sought-after unions in modern and ancient society. It is more than a book about marriage. It is a book about how to manage life with another person by probing into the heart of the readers and forces them to confront themselves and be accountable for their own emotions and actions.
Transparency, honesty, and downright fearlessness are the traits that make great marriages. They refuse to allow pettiness to destroy the beauty they do have. They are not weaklings. They are not quitters. The realize that Marriage Ain't for Punks.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Relationships, Self Help

257 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 7, 2021

Reviews

[Cover Lover Book Review · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve watched the unscripted TV series, Married at First Sight, then undoubtably you know Pastor Cal. He is a minister, relationship expert, and marriage counselor with a magnetic personality and a methodical no-nonsense approach to relationships. By sharing his insight, he inspires readers to strengthen their marriages, and his commanding candor and tough love method makes his advice so potent.

The key to a healthy marriage is to choose wisely, move thoughtfully, and commit permanently. Easy? Absolutely not. But then again, marriage ain’t for punks! -excerpt

I loved the section on marital CPR. These three basic components (Commitment, Passion, and Respect) are vital for nourishing and flourishing in a healthy marriage.

I especially appreciated the section on communication. It is indeed a key ingredient for the success of any relationship, but particularly in marriage. Seven methods of communication are discussed (words, tone, gestures, eyes, written communication, touch, and silence.) Pastor Cal reveals the importance of discovering which method works best for you and for your spouse.

Marriage Ain’t for Punks is an intoxicating and empowering guide for couples navigating the hills and valleys of life, counseling them with sensible advice that leads to a more successful, fulfilling, and lasting marriage.

Dɪsᴄʟᴏsᴜʀᴇ: I ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʀʏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪs ʙᴏᴏᴋ. Mʏ ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ᴡᴀs ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Marriage Ain’t for Punks, Calvin Roberson has written a new guide book on how to handle life with another person. He has been a counselor for over 25 years, a pastor, and a relationship expert on TV programs. He begins the book by sharing the meaning behind the word punk. This term is meant to be used to describe a man who wasn’t a real man and you didn’t have what it takes to face the challenges that may be coming at you. He explained the divorce rate and how it has started to decline partly because people are trying to make it work. Another reason is that young people aren’t getting married and it’s hinted that it could because people are afraid, they will have an unsuccessful marriage. He first explored marriage CPR’s and how these compounds are the keys to thriving in marriage. These included commitment, passion, and respect and he shared how without each one of these what happens to our relationships. The book also looked at the 7 ways in which we communicate with one another and how we can effectively communicate and show a true interest in others.


One of my favorite quotes was, “ten minutes of preemptive discussion about an issue can save you ten days of unnecessary tension and conflict.” He explained how he is excited when he is told that the couple is arguing and this means that all they are needing is assistance in finding resolutions. He also shared how change is inevitable and how we can all learn to recalibrate through the different stages of life together. One of the powerful lessons is the one on how we need to not view marriage as the center goal of complete true happiness.


I would recommend this awesome to anyone who is seeking a book that will help them in changing their relationship with their self and their spouse. The book contained countless principles and methods on helping to make your marriage stronger and greater. I immensely enjoyed the topics about communication, vulnerability, arguing, apologizing, and forgiving. I also enjoyed the truth he included about how most marriages don’t begin until one of you are ready to walk out on the marriage. In reading this book and applying the principles found in it, they have the potential to change your marriage.

"I received this book free from the publisher, Hachette Book Group/Faithwords for my honest review.”

[Kristen Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kept reading self help books to help me manage my relationships with others. I had only read one “relationship” self help book before and found it to be really bias. I’m not sure why I picked this book up, but I’m so glad that I did. My husband and I both love it and get a ton out of it! I wish everyone knew about this book! It’ll definitely make you think from a different perspective.

I’d even recommend it for those who are just “dating”. Dating ain’t for punks either!

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've loved Pastor Cal since day 1 of watching him on Married At First Sight, so my husband got me this book for my birthday. I'd consider Marriage Ain't for Punks to be a comprehensive guide to building a strong marriage. Would highly recommend for any married couple, or those contemplating marriage.

[Zoe Barton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Pastor Cal so much and enjoyed his book. Good audio book (read by the author) and I agreed with about 90% of the advice and took away lots of little communication nuggets that can be applied to marriages or relationships in general (including friends, coworkers, etc).

If you like non-fiction, particularly in the relationship advice category, I would recommend this.

[Kiki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a gem! 🔥 I highly recommend it for ALL married and engaged couples. My husband and I read it together and loved it!!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I am a MAFS fan, it's kind of bizarre to me that this book has one of the highest Goodreads ratings I've seen before (4.5 at the time of writing this). It's mostly filled with very basic ideas such as "Being sarcastic to or yelling at your partner will significantly damage your relationship" and other things that I'm not sure how a relationship could last even a month without. He also shares some ideas as factual that rather seem to be opinions formed based on his own relationship or his religious background. For example, he states that the simple solution to a sexless marriage is better communication, and that allowing yourself to flirt or even fantasize or watch porn can lead you to cheat. These ideas are in very direct conflict with those proposed by Esther Perel in Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, respectively. Perel claims that she has seen plenty of loving but sexless relationships and proposes that the ability to be honest with your partner about your desire for other people will not only prevent you from cheating but may just keep the spark alive within your relationship. Pastor Cal also insists you must disclose fantasies to your partner, while Perel recognizes that doing so may cause them to lose their power. Personally, I would recommend Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are to settle the conflict between these cures for sexlessness, as it takes a much less simplistic dive into women's sexuality.

All this is not to say this book is useless. I did learn a few things that I'll carry with me forever: marital CPR--commitment, passion, respect; don't let divorce even cross your mind; have a goal for your marriage for both you and your spouse to work toward together; etc.

[Adrienna · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the past month of July 2025, I have been reading this book to add to my collection for group; I See Her support group that was organized in February 2023. I plan to order over 10 copies to use for a future group, extension of I See Her called "Pursue Her" for married, to be married, and divorce/separated couples.

This book was very resourceful, gave clear explanations of actual couples' marriages, and resolutions to problematic or unhealthy relationships. This book listed as a reference/resource used for workbook for 2026 class with the help of a LMFT.

He not only keeps-it-real approach, but a better understanding of marriages and it takes work to keep it.

[Dejuane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extremely helpful and eye opening. Being married 10years most of the situations he mentioned we have either overcome or are still working on it. This is like having a marriage counselor without having to say anything and they already know what you are going through. Pastor Cal keeps it real and does not sugar coat anything. I recommend this book to all married couples who find themselves doubting themselves, their spouse or relationship in general.

[Kaitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually quite good! I didn't expect deep advice from a book by "television's #1 relationship expert," but it definitely lines up with what I have been learning about relationships. I love what he has to say about love being a choice you make every day, not something you fall into and out of. I also like his notes on arguments and debates in a relationship and how to communicate openly without being so frank that it hurts.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m newly obsessed with Married at First Sight and so I had to read this book to learn more about Pastor Cal’s perspective. He’s compiled a lot of good advice here, some of which he’s put in practice on the show and some that sounds like common social graces. It’s written like a typical self-help book and not as engaging as I wanted it to be, but there are some unique examples of complex situations worth reading.

[Brandon M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read, would highly recommend to anyone regardless of their relationship status. If you are single or in any degree of relationship, there is something you will find valuable to take away. Pastor Cal will make you wholeheartedly look into what you bring to the table, and realize that marriage isn’t the finish line but the starting point.

[Ashley (ash.lee_reads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ever watched Married at first sight, you would know Pastor Cal. He is a great relationship coach and I am not surprised that he made a great book. This is the BEST RELATIONSHIP BOOK I HAVE EVER READ! With his knowledge, advice from his marriage, and examples, he has created a very good book that can help me in my own marriage. This book is definitely a must-read book.

[Shanae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely No-Nonsense!

I whole heartedly believe in the biblical principals of Marriage. But the Bible does not teach you how to STAY MARRIED! He is a Pastor but 95% of the information in this book is not biblically based. This book covers it all from having arguments to building intimacy. Everything in it was definitely insightful, and applicable.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Pastor Cal from “Married at First Sight”. I like his no nonsense advice. This is book is just like that! He Gives some great perspective-not tips- about marriage and what it really means. hint: it’s not all about making each other happy… The books is funny, relatable, important and thought provoking! For any married or want to be married person for sure!

[BoxAlarm · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Worthy Read

My girlfriend and I enjoyed reading this book together. We would read a chapter and then discuss it, which strengthened our bond and helped us set expectations for marriage. The book is well-written and offers valuable insights. While it starts with basic, common-sense advice, it later delves into more thought-provoking topics. Overall, it's a worthwhile read.

[Jade Gustman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love Calvin Roberson and as soon as he wrote a book I knew I needed it! He shares truth bluntly and openly with hope and honesty. I love his marriage advice and his ways to counseling couples. He’s my dream pre-marital counselor but this book helps instead :)

[Kristopher Holman · Rating 5 out of 5]

if you aren't a Punk read this book that simple..

you want to work on the the little things with big results read this book

you need a divorce but you want to do it the healthier way read this book.

you want an easy way out... don't bother

[Sarah Peters · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author is also the narrator if you do the audible, and he has a nice voice and definitely sounds like a kind but firm Black pastor. I got some good tidbits out of this all the way through it. Marriage is not easy and he has advise for how to navigate that to have a FULFILLING marriage.

[Chantal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up and read this book as a fan of MAFs. There was a bit of religious aspects to this book but it doesn't bash you over the head with it. I am single currently, but I feel there was solid advice along with good sociological examples to go with it.

[Seth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written with solid points. If you’ve seen/heard Pastor Cal talk you can hear it as you read this book. Solid takeaways with a good perspective, just not right for me. I would recommend this as a pre-marital book.

[Marcie Ansari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing!!

[Carina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Insightful perspectives.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best, if not the best relationship books i have ever read. I think it should be a requirement/newlywed gift for all new couples.

[Terrence Bizor · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a newlywed this book was a great start helped avoid at least two potential arguments lol.

[Kailah Lathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took a while to complete it but not because it was bad. It just gave a lot of good info and I wanted to process it. I read about a chapter a day. It was very insightful.

[Rita · Rating 1 out of 5]

Try as I might, I just couldn't get into this book.
I finished it reluctantly but found the advise and stories not very inspiring.

[Manda Marigold · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will have to reread this book later in life.

[Kavonne Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would definitely recommend for those planning to marry, already married, or even thinking of divorce

[Mrs C · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for all relationships